Translation by Jessinthedungeons.


Chapter 12 - Shadows of the past


The following Monday, when I returned to Hogwarts, Snape walked beside me discreetly. With his arms folded on his chest, as he prepared to give us orders, he asked in such a low voice that only I could hear:

— How is your arm?

— Still sore. — I answered with a sigh.

― I have an ointment that will make it go away faster. — He muttered. — Meet me after training.

I almost choked with my saliva, but I managed to answer somehow.

— Okay.

But of course, nothing with him was easy.

— It's Transfiguration training, so your little friend won't be able to help you today. Deal with it until then.

Oh yeah, the 'nice' wizard I know and respect is back…

— I will.

He nodded. — I know.

I waited to hear something like this coming from him for so long that it took me a moment to recognize the flame of pleasure I received from him believing in me. Like a flood, his words filled my veins and made me forget the pain in my arm. He will never be able to demonstrate with an expression, but the fact was that Severus Snape was kind of worried about me.

I loved it.

But I didn't have much to celebrate because, like most injuries, the worst didn't come until two days later. The pain reached a maximum level. I could hold my wand and do magic, but when I needed to channel the magic into my work in the hospital... Damn me! I was a trained healer, so I was completely aware that I manipulated the pain and threw around it, which most often works out. The chronic pain in my sciatica was proof of this: I adapted my mind years ago not to think about it, and I could do everything normally, even if at the end of the day I needed potions, hot baths and cold compresses. But my philosophy of "if I don't think it hurts, it doesn't hurt "worked well. So, I had dipped my forearm and wrist in ice every chance I had after training and applied Snape's ointment as if it were the sunscreen I wore on my face: several times a day. At work, I used every helper possible to avoid using my magic to the fullest. And every time a flash of pain went up in my forearm, I cursed the day that the very great motherfucker who hit me in our recreational game was born. I expected him to fall face down into a pile of Explosivins.

When the following Thursday came, we had one of the joint sessions with Beauxbaton, and before I got out of the car I drank a pain relief potion along with two muggle painkillers. I sincerely hoped to get through the next few hours without being discovered. Unfortunately, my concealment only lasted until I was in the ladies ' room. I was treating my injury before lowering the sleeve of my sweater when Cho leaned over my shoulder.

— What the hell happened to your arm? — She let out a squeak at the ugly coloration of my forearm. — Did you break something?

I rubbed a little more of the ointment on top of it before starting to wrap it with gauze as comfortably tight as possible.

— It seems so. — I answered without looking at her.

— Seems so? What do you mean by seem? Aren't you a fucking healer? ― She gave it back, being as thick as she always was when she knew I was being evasive.

— I just... I can't think about it right now, Cho. ― My voice came out so discouraged that she disarmed at the same instant.

― I have a few bottles of pain relief in my bag if you like. — She offered.

― I took one before I got here, but I can take another during the break, in case it becomes unbearable, thank you.

— They're yours, Hermione. Take them if you need them. ― She slapped me on the back of my shoulder. — And if these French guys give you a hard time today, let me know and I will take care of them for you. — Cho blinked before walking away.

I finished cradling my arm while muttering curses under my breath, and descended the sleeve of my sweater before anyone else noticed what I had done and why. Unfortunately, there weren't any secrets on our team, at least not between me, Cho and Dean. Within five minutes, I had Dean hovering over me.

— What happened to your arm?

― Nothing. ― I tilted my head back and leaned against his abdomen. — Just a little bruise.

— Cho said it was more than a small bruise. — He watched.

Cho and her damn big mouth. Well, what's really new?

— Considering that I am the healer and not her, you better believe me.

Dean made a 'humph' noise in his throat.

— I swear it's okay. — I assured him.

— Well, take care of it. And don't leave your left side exposed. — Dean replied, still worried about the old injury to my sciatica. — And ignore these French idiots if they say something to you.

— Yeah, baby.

Knowing I was being a bit of a jerk, Dean pulled my ear and then went away before I had a chance to retaliate. A few minutes later I met Snape, Minerva and the rest of the Hogwarts coaching staff in the second-floor meeting room to hear them go over the schedule the Ministry had sent us the day before. They revisited the weaknesses of the French team, as well as our own weaknesses.

For the first five minutes inside the Quidditch field, someone tried to hit me with a stuporous spell while pleasantly calling me a "bitch". I made sure to fight back so hard, it rained pieces of rock when I sent Bombarda Maxima in his direction. Soon after, the girl I had left upside down in the French school bathroom years ago slipped her leg so I would stumble as I passed her and make me fall like an idiot. Cho, fulfilling the promise to protect me, sent a Petrificus Totalus towards the blonde who attacked me and reached out to help me get up.

I did about half the scheduled time before I started feeling the bruised area of my arm tighten with each spell I casted. Our break was a blessing, because I had the opportunity to reapply the ointment. But I had barely begun to duel again when my wrist began to bother. I signaled to Cho and Dean, and they interspersed in defending me for the rest of the time. Eighteen minutes later, I was thanking Merlin that the exhibition was over, and that Hogwarts came out the winner.

Would I be able to do magic tomorrow? It was debatable, but I would worry about it when I woke up in bed with a forearm that I now thought would never be the same again. That goddamn bludger.

When I managed to make my way slowly towards the entrance gate of the castle, several members of the French team passed me. I exchanged greetings and handshakes with some of them, the ones that didn't call me a slut variation on the field earlier.

Salut Granger.

I recognized the voice of the person speaking behind me, stopped and slowly turned around with a forced smile on my face.

— Hi, Chloe. ― I answered, while in my head I was really thinking "Hello, you fucking bitch". She almost killed me and caused third-degree burns to a house elf. So yes, I hated her.

The tall blonde had a sweet smile on her face, but her eyes said it all: how much she did not like me and had not forgotten the incident in the ladies' room in France. The hatred in her gaze called me a bitch, in the same way that one of her teammates had verbally whispered the name, when we had dueled.

— Good to see you again. ― She said in her deceptively sweet voice and waited a moment until two other girls from the same team continued walking, leaving both of us there. — Have you played with anyone else's boyfriend lately? — Chloe asked the minute that we were relatively alone in the gardens.

Bitterness penetrated my throat. I hated what had happened, but although I explained the situation to her, it didn't matter. It turns out Chloe's problem with me wasn't just from the incident of years ago. She being one of the best French witches, used the media to her advantage in an episode that embarrassed me and I felt horrible. I would never forgive her for exposing the story to the French press, but I stabilized my heart and faced her with my gaze.

— Grow up, Chloe.

Blue eyes flared with indignation.

— You are a garce!

The guilt hurt in my belly, but I know what I am. And I'm not a slut. I felt horrible at the time for getting involved with her boyfriend. But I didn't know he was compromised and these days I have millions of other things to worry about.

― I already said to you that I regretted it a hundred times. Then stop. It's been almost four years; it's time to stop it.

She bristled even more. — And don't tell me what to do! I hate that awful accent of yours!

Acid shook my chest.

— I know you hate it and believe me, I'm also not the president of your fan club but I don't feel the need to remind you of it every time I look at you.

She definitely wanted a scene. Chloe had the same look on her face that she had more than three years ago when she approached me during an event at the Ministry of Magic shortly after I went on a second date with her boyfriend, who was specializing with me at St Mungus.

— That's why I hate you. You always think that you are much better than everyone, the famous golden girl. — She spat on the floor at my feet. — But you're not. You can fool everyone with that angel aura of yours, but I know you are a fucking whore.

― You. — Said a velvety voice behind me. ― Out. Before I call Madame Maxime and make you repeat what you said.

From the look on Chloe's face, as the steps behind me grew louder as the voice owner approached, she knew exactly who he was. Her face turned pale, but I saw her try to pull herself together and not move.

— Now! — Severus Snape ordered when he finally stopped by my side.

The pace at which she moved said exactly that Chloe was not used to having someone tell her what to do. But Severus didn't even wait until she was out of his voice reach, before asking me what her name was.

— Chloe de Lapin. ― I answered, looking sideways at him.

— I've never heard of her. — He turned his head to look at me too. — You want to tell me what was that?

— Not really. — I answered depressed.

I had held what happened between myself and a select group of people, mainly members of the Saint Mungus team and the Ministry who witnessed the discussion. That's how I approached Dean and Cho. Having more people know about one of the dumbest things I've ever done wasn't exactly on my list of things to accomplish. And although they both assured me that I was not at fault, I figured I was smart enough not to get involved with someone lying.

— She called you a whore. — Severus scored.

Shame filled my belly, and I felt my face become hot with indignation.

— Which I'm not.

― You don't have to tell me you're not. ― The expression on my face must have been quite insecure, because he looked me in the eye as he continued. — I've met some in my life. I can say that for myself.

— I'm sure you can. — I answered in frustration as something burned in my stomach. It was a stupid jealousy, that I could easily put the blame on the teenage Hermione who still lived inside me somewhere. But my pragmatic brain laughed at my hypocrisy of feeling jealous of Severus, when a few days earlier I had been fucking my own Bulgarian affair. — In that case, I appreciate that your slut radar didn't sound around me. — I smile weakly, trying not to feel so embarrassed that he heard Chloe offend me. I really just wanted to get home. — I will walk to the village.

He pointed to me to follow and we began to walk in silence. Feeling the cold breeze around us, my mind relaxed enough to let me focus on the reason I now had to continue to make Severus trust me. I needed him to tell me about how his mother was burned from the family tapestry.

― If you have more of the ointment, I might be in need... ― I said softly.

— I've got some in the making. — Severus answered.

— In the castle? — I asked, pointing my finger back, in the direction of the gates through which we had just left.

— In my private lab. But it won't be ready until tomorrow.

— Can you bring it to me?

— You can get it yourself early tomorrow. I'm not supposed to be seen smuggling ointment into an advisee.

I let out a laugh and he told me the address as we said goodbye at the bifurcation between the commercial and residential village of Hogsmeade. We agreed that the sooner the better, so as not to disrupt the day's schedule, which included another international round of magic, this time against Castelobruxo.

— Will your arm be fine? — He asked.

— As long as no one hits it again. — I sighed resigned. — Good night, Severus.

He responded, tilting his head with an indication for me to follow and I nodded at him as I turned and walked down the main street to my tiny apartment. My heart went crazy when I realized that now, in addition to Severus Snape's phone number, I had his address. And Severus Snape lives in exactly the same muggle village that Draco Malfoy's girlfriend once lived in.


It was half past six the next morning when I parked next to the sidewalk of Severus ' house. I needed to protect my magic and apparating would have used precious reserves, in addition to compressing the injury in my hand. I looked at the house through my passenger window and absorbed the large two-story building. At no point in my life could I imagine, even if I had any sign that this was going to happen, that Severus and I would be friends. I wondered if when I brought up the subject of his family with him, it would ruin everything. Well, I would think about it when the time came, for now I would only prepare the ground.

I got out of the car and marched to the door, the house was big, but not detestably huge. I hit the knocker and walked two steps back, shaking hands behind me as I waited. Less than a minute later the door opened and he appeared, dressed in black pants and shirt, holding a glass of something green.

― Come in. — He ordered, standing next door to let me in.

I tried to be discreet while looking around at the bare gray-colored walls.

— Good morning.

― Morning. — He closed the door behind us. — I need ten minutes.

— Okay.

I looked again at his drink as he passed me and followed him down the main hall of the house. It was impossible not to notice how empty the walls were, or when we walked through the door entering his living room, that there was only a three-seater sofa in front of the fireplace. No sign of who owned the house. The next door led to a large, open and airy kitchen that almost looked like a potion lab.

— There's water, milk and tea. ― He said entering, as he drank his green mixture without a single flinch.

— I'm fine, thank you. ― I answered absentmindedly, admiring the view of the yard from the large window above the sink. There was not much than freshly cut grass.

Severus brushed against me, as he leaned into the sink to wash the glass. I leaned out of sight and from him. It didn't go unnoticed that he wasn't using magic while at home. Did he also need to protect himself today?

— Your house is nice. ― He looked absentmindedly around the kitchen, and agreed. — How long have you moved?

— Two months. — Severus answered.

I watched as he put the glass inside the kitchen's cabinet.

― This is an interesting neighborhood choice. It's a good muggle neighborhood. — I cleared my throat. — No one knows who you are around here?

Severus threw an incredulous look at me.

— Nobody. ― The look on his face remained strange when he pointed to two fairly large jars, which I knew contained the ointment he prepared. — You need to wait another half hour before applying it. I just finished.

I knew he was a totally reclusive being, but apparently, Severus didn't even want anyone to know where he lived. It was not surprising, but I imagined he would live in Hogwarts, or in one of the magical villages.

― Alright.

I followed Severus back to his almost empty living room. He signaled the sofa to me and went to settle in an olive-green armchair in the right corner of the fireplace, which I had not noticed before.

— So, do you interact with your neighbors? — I asked as soon as we were well accommodated.

― I don't leave the house before they leave, and I'll be back before them.

— And when do you shop? ― I was really curious about it. — Or do you shop by phone?

— I walk. The market is three blocks from here.

His phrase connected with a point I was curious about him: I was sure I had already seen Severus apparate. But this was a fact that was not possible for a half-blood Wizard. Even though he was level seven, it was still impossible. Minerva herself could not. But I know what I saw the morning we argued because of the idea of the girls and Justin about going to a happy hour. I gave Severus a curious look, but I didn't dig too deep.

― I don't understand how you look so powerful in our duels, but you don't use magic in anything else. Choose to live in a Muggle neighborhood, go by foot to the supermarket... Is this your idea to accumulate magical reserves or is living here the fault of your social inability?

― The first option. Since I really like to interact with the elderly, who need assistance to reach something on the upper shelves of the supermarket.

I smiled at him. Severus Snape telling a joke?

― I don't like being the center of attention either.

He turned his head so he could look out the window. His voice was so grave, so distant; it made me look at him more than necessary.

― I already have enough attention in my life, in the magical world.

And so, he lives in this muggle neighborhood and walks to the supermarket. Even if this is something so lonely. As he always was. Could I occupy that space in his life? To be his friend? Personally, I know hundreds of people and I'm only really close to at most six. And they're all people I've known since I was eleven. I look at Snape again and hold back a sigh, feeling bad that he wasn't that important to me, right from the start.

— Was it half an hour? ― I asked.

― No.

We were silent after that, Severus continued his contemplation of the view from the window and I was lost in my own emotions, reflecting whether leading a life as lonely as his was really a good choice.

Fifteen minutes later, I applied the ointment while Severus twisted his nose at the black coloration of my skin. I thanked my stocked supply of the miracle ointment and drove to the castle, I even offered my advisor a ride, but he said he needed to pass at another location before heading to Hogwarts via Floo.

I was intercepted by Latinos reporters when I arrived at the gardens. I already knew that they were friendly, and one of the few groups that made me comfortable in interviews, but today they seemed more euphoric than usual. There were only about six of them and when their stares focused on a spot over my shoulder, followed by an animated clapping, I knew who they had seen. I looked back and saw Severus walking towards us. The next thing I learned is that Severus Snape replied to the reporter from Chile in a perfect Spanish, that yes, he was real and not a ghost. And without any exaggeration, I almost groaned to hear that man speak a different language. The way he spoke that language that already exuded sensuality by itself, increased the sex appeal of it by at least thirty percent. That man would kill me one day. I was sure. I almost regretted that he was my advisor and that I was almost a friend to him. What chance do I have of being able to drag him to my bed?

I went inside the castle and left him talking to reporters, and the first sign that something was wrong was when I spotted three Aurors on the edge of the field. Two of them I recognized from the British Ministry of magic, but the other person was strange. It was only on rare occasions that the Ministry sent Aurors during training, even those of display with other magical schools, such as todays.

The second sign that something was wrong was when they approached Minerva. It was the way she reacted to everything they were saying that made me a little worried. She seemed angry and possibly indignant. She waved her wand to her throat and caught our attention.

— Team, we're taking it easy today.

Easy? In a presentation with another school?

Apprehension stirred in my spine.

— Apparently, the Ministry needs to collect blood samples today. It's nothing to worry about. As most of you know, you are subject to random blood contingent testing during the season. If we have your cooperation we can finish it quickly, and after your sample is taken you will be free for the rest of the morning. We will resume tomorrow with the exhibition against the Brazilian school. — Explained Minerva, frustration tracing her words.

Random blood tests? We all did medical exams every start of the season, which was not even three months ago. I knew that if the Ministry wanted to, it could test us, but I had never heard of it happening. So yeah, that was getting weird.

And it got even more so when Minerva called me to her office that afternoon.

— Hermione, sit down. — Minerva said from her seat behind her desk. I gave her an uncomfortable smile and sat down.

The headmistress of Hogwarts does not call you in the office, on the day Aurors are watching the team and a random blood test is done. I was in the middle of attending a severe case of Dragon pox when her call came and had to ask another healer to tend to my patient as I went to Hogwarts via Floo.

There were only a few reasons why Minerva didn't tell me over the phone what she wanted: The Ministry demanded that I leave the Hogwarts team and come to work for them immediately and I would have to run away with Severus for our ancient magic training or whatever that blood test they did, they had found some anomaly in me. I couldn't even breathe properly with any of the possibilities, because first: I didn't want to work for the Ministry. Second: I didn't want to leave the team; even if it was to learn ancient magic from Severus. And third, I for sure already had enough traumas for a lifetime regarding my blood status, so, no, I no longer wanted an "anomaly" discovered about it.

Before leaving the hospital, I was able to tell Neville what was going on and the look of "Oh, shit" that he gave me was enough.

— What's going on, Minerva?

She smiled. — Always straight to the point, that's why I like you, dear.

— Are you sending me away? — To my credit, I looked calm, not as if I was about to explode with anxiety.

― No. — She staggered backwards with her hand on her chest. — Where the hell did that come from?

— You asked me to come to your office to talk in private, and we had Ministry Aurors and a weird blood test…

Her eyes rolled to the ceiling, one hand went to the back of her neck.

— Sorry, dear, I did not remember today's events. That's not why I want to talk to you. I'm not worried about the result of any obscure tests. I'm sure they're fine, but I didn't ask you to come because of it or the Aurors. I had an interesting conversation with Septima.

― Alright. Alright. — I answered as I let out the air, relieved.

— She told me that she received a strange letter this morning with your name and some pretty wild accusations on it.

That idiot! I didn't have to be a genius to know where such a letter came from. I controlled the anger bubbling inside me. First, I had Robards treating me like a kid, and now Chloe was making up crap? I don't think I'm a bad person, there are better people than me in the world, for sure, but there are also much worse ones. How can I focus on my mission to save magic if these wretched witches and wizards kept throwing their crap at me?

Any idea where something like this comes from? — Minerva asked.

— Chloe. — I clenched my teeth. — It was her, no one else could do something like that.

Minerva was not surprised. I told her what happened years ago when I came back from the Ministry event where I was confronted by Chloe and burst into tears in front of my headmistress.

— Merlin. Hasn't she got over this mess yet?

I couldn't say that if I was in her shoes I would have forgotten that too, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't hold as much hate as Chloe had. Actually, I knew I wouldn't. Only a total idiot would call and make false claims that could compromise someone's life and hard work for the sake of a lying man. Merlin, this is, really, a mess. I swallowed the bitterness, remembering all the good things I've done with my life as well.

― No. ― I answered.

With a sigh, Minerva shook her head.

— In that case, I apologize for calling you. I kept my eyes on her yesterday during the screening and it didn't seem like she was doing anything out of the ordinary.

Of course, Minerva hadn't heard all the names Chloe had called me during the duel, but so be it.

— I will call Olympia and say that she needs to keep her under control. — Minerva completed.

— Don't worry, it's okay. If she does something like that again we thought about it, but now you don't have to worry.

Minerva's eyebrows rose in disbelief, but she did not argue.

— Let me know if you change... Your mind.

I nodded and stood up, ready to get out of there, so I could think of the various curses I kept for Chloe.

— Thanks for letting me know, Minerva. Thank you very much.

— Anytime. — She looked at me for long seconds before talking again. — Hermione, I noticed that you abandoned your quarters in the castle. You know you can come to me with anything, right?

— I well, I needed to occupy my apartment a little or my landlord would take it back. — I answered hurriedly before she saw the fear in my eyes. — And I know you're wonderful, Minerva. I would come to you with whatever crap it was.

She smiled as I finished my sentence, seeing the truth in my statement. I made my way out of her office with a nod.

— Rest tonight. I need your head at tomorrow's screening.

— You'll have that. — I answered, closing the door behind me.

I walked for about three meters in the corridor before an absurd amount of anger, which I did not think I could have, filled my entire soul. I can't believe that aside from having this inhuman mission to "save" the wizarding world, track down tapestries with burned wizards, visit Draco Malfoy and descend into a haunted tomb inhabited by a ghost who wouldn't tell me a single decipherable sentence, I would still have to deal with Chloe De Lapin leaning low enough to jeopardize my career at Hogwarts? That asshole. I indignantly followed home and tried to wash my anger in the bathtub with a sponge and soap, while cursing the day I got involved with her disgraced boyfriend.


In just over half of the next day's screening, I accepted the fact that I was total and complete crap, dueling very badly for being distracted and angry. For the first time in my life, I couldn't push everything to focus on what I should have. Chloe's malicious actions made my head want to explode. It's like she hasn't done enough in the past to have to start with it again. And Severus having heard the insults she uttered, ended up stirring a little with the real resentment that not even my bathtub could make go away. In addition to all the other worries that already filled my life. So today my head and my heart were not at Hogwarts. Which made me feel even more upset that I was presenting myself as shit.

When Minerva asked Justin to cover my area and told me to leave the team, I wasn't totally surprised or angry. I was more embarrassed and conformed. I had been replaced only twice before since joining the team: when I had inflamed sciatica at an absurd level and when I fractured my ankle in a race. But this time there was no valid physical excuse for the sloppy way I was acting. I was much better than that. I've dealt with worse things with a borrowed wand! What a spectacular failure I was today. I moved slowly out of the field, avoiding any and all eyes, as I followed.

As I was heading towards the reservation area the only route available was a gap between Severus and Minerva, and a hand grabbed my wrist. Considering Minerva wasn't aggressive at this point, I knew who it was before I even looked over my shoulder. Those black eyes stared at me in their position twenty centimeters high above mine. A groove creased the space between his eyebrows.

― What's up with you? — He growled.

I took a deep breath and stared at his gaze, giving a simple shrug. — I'm sorry. ― I murmured. I wasn't going to make any excuses because there wasn't any other than my head out of orbit.

My answer irritated him to the point of making his nostrils widen.

— And is that all you have to say?

— There's nothing else... My magic was bad, and you're replacing me. I understand that.

Severus had the deadly expression in his eyes of when he needed to tidy up Neville's mess when he blew up cauldrons.

— Get out of my way now, I will deal with you later. — He growled again, letting go of my pulse.

Even though I was hoping his answer would be something like this, I still backed down. But even though I took back some of my words, my pride accepted my guilt and I marched to the reserved area. Elbows on my knees, I sat on one of the benches to watch the rest of the screening, mentally cursing myself for being an idiot.

An hour later, our team managed to overcome Castelobruxo by a thin gap and we were all following dejected to the main hall. Severus didn't even look at me when he decided to speak, but it was obvious that he was referring to all my mistakes. Normally this would have put me on the edge, but I had already accepted the reality that I was a failure today.

I managed to avoid talking to anyone while I was very angry with myself for not being able to be good company and everyone gave me space. I got halfway to my car before finding Severus standing outside while he was talking to a woman.

— Granger!

I hesitated. Did I want to hear him tear me up in front of a stranger? No, definitely not. But it would be too obvious, if I ignored him and kept walking towards the car.

— Granger!

Well, I think I had been warned. 'I'll deal with you later' it wasn't exactly a vague threat, so I made my way to where he was standing.

It took me about a meter and a half closer to recognize the person he was talking to. Marion, a cousin of Madame Rosmerta who was once singled out by the media as one of his former affairs. In the blink of an eye I was furious, and every step that brought me closer made me even more angry. Did he want to do this now, in front of an old affair?

— Are you sure you don't want to meet me tonight? — Asked the redhead, ignoring my approach.

Severus did not look at her; instead, he was staring at my face. His answer in one word sounded as brutal as usual.

― No.

At least he's an idiot with everyone. I thought to myself.

The woman moved in such a way as to enter his field of vision. — Are you sure?

It was too dark to tell if his eyes had gone at a glance in her direction or not. ― Yes. — He confirmed it.

— Severus... — Her hand went towards his shoulder, and I did not lose the way he moved away to prevent her from touching him.

— I don't have time. — He grumbled when I stopped next to the two of them.

I just looked at him, not exactly taking the angry look off my face. Was he planning to scold me? Does he really think this was the right time to do it? Gathering a fair amount of Gryffindor courage that dwelt in me, I forced a calm look to face him, relaxed my shoulders so as not to demonstrate how tense I was, and winked at him.

— Yes, professor?

His eyes narrowed toward me upon hearing his old title. The way her lips formed a thin line gave me confirmation that I was about to be pressed alive. He didn't even bother to look at the woman next to him, hopeful and still attentive to a man who wasn't paying the slightest attention to her. Unfortunately, his attention was all in me, and he lowered his voice to an angry, barely audible growl when he spoke to me.

― What the hell was going on with you today?

He went straight to the point, as I expected. I gave him another shrug.

— My head was not there, and I apologize for that.

— Is that it? — He spat.

— There's no excuse. — I told him, looking at the woman look back and forth between us. ― I know how to do better and I'm sorry.

He narrowed his eyes even more.

— You acted as a troll.

Really? Did he have to call me that in front of someone else?

— Severus? ― The woman waved her hand in front of his face, who turned his head and looked at her long enough for her to frown and take a step back. — Merlin, I forgot how stupid you can be. I don't even know why I bothered to come here. — She muttered.

The man who kept his words as if they were gold did not disappoint me. He didn't say anything. He looked at her for maybe five more seconds and then turned his attention to me, as if she wasn't talking. He is unpalatable with anyone.

— Your team deserves your attention, and I deserve the best of you. Act like a troll again and I will dismiss you to become Robards ' assistant. — He threatened, oblivious to the woman who shook her head when he spoke, before finally turning to leave. As for me, I finally wavered and retreated. ― Control your emotions and discipline your mind! Learn to compartmentalize your life! Do you understand me? ― He asked in a darkly sharp voice, which made me sure that was what he did every moment of his life.

My face became hot, and I knew it was red from humiliation. Would he try to get me to work with Robards? For performing poorly during a single screening? More embarrassment flooded my system, carefully aligned with my latent anger.

The idea that I thought we were friends floated to the edge of shattering, but my brain reminded me that our time at Hogwarts was not the same time spent as "friends". It has never been. The man who played Quidditch with me and conjured ice for my arm, was a completely different person from the one who was standing before me at that moment. Learn to compartmentalize your life he just told me that. Severus was asking me to do the same as he does.

The only thing I did was nod my head and accept the ultimatum he had given me. I wasn't going to remind his that it was a single bad performance among so many others. And I'm not going to promise anything, nor apologize any more. With a voice I was extremely proud of how solid it sounded, I answered:

— Yes, alright, I get it. But maybe next time you want to call me a troll, do it when you're not with one of your girlfriends, does it work well for you?

When he closed his eyes and started grinding his teeth, I was sure I said something very wrong.

— Are you kidding me? — He burst.

I took a step back and gave him my best confused look, because, seriously, what the hell does he want from me?

― No. ― I answered.

— I am threatening to release you to the Ministry and you are complaining about who heard it? — Severus let go.

I felt more than I saw, my hair sparkled with his question when my anger imploded.

— Yes, I am. And I'm not going to argue with you about the obvious fact that I have a problem with you by being thick with me in front of other people, as well as being an idiot with the woman who left here. Fuck Merlin! It's a matter of good manners, have you heard about it?

Severus did not hesitate to run his hands through his hair, growling his indignation.

— I wish I could choke you with my bare hands now!

— Why? I'm just telling you the truth. — I returned indignant.

— Why the fuck, Granger, are you really going to sit down and let me take this team away from you? Like that? — He growled.

― What do you want me to say? You want me to beg you? Get mad? Make a scandal? I understood that I was garbage today and you and Minerva replaced me. Justin is level nine and an exceptional wizard, I'm not going to make that a problem. It is with your tone and choice of where we are having this conversation, that I have a problem.

He may have started pulling one of the strands of his own hair in the mix of annoyance and frustration that invaded him.

— Yes, Granger. I want you to get mad and make a scandal! If my advisor suggested kicking me off the team, I would eat him alive. You are the most powerful witch at Hogwarts! — My heart stopped beating when I heard what he had just said. But he wasn't finished yet. — You are the best I've ever seen, among wizards and witches. What annoys me is the fact that you are so childish for hanging on useless words in front of a person who does not matter. Grow a few inches, Granger, and fight anyone who tries to take it from you. Including me. — He insisted.

His words warmed my chest, but even then, I still did not understand him. Then I remembered that this was the man who served two master manipulators and yet managed to take control of their loyalty, being true only to his love and posthumous promise to Lily to protect her son. He joined the Death Eaters for being frustrated and greedy, but his motive for defecting was enough for him to be faithful to her to the end. And we are discussing two completely different things. Oh, my Merlin! I took a deep breath before facing him firmly.

― Of course, I worry about getting kicked out of Hogwarts, but I also care about in front of whom you offend me. Do you think I want a complete stranger thinking I'm some kind of doormat that allows you to talk to me like that? I may even be when we're at the castle in action, but I'm sure I won't let you treat me half as badly as you treated her, Severus. ― From his expression it seemed that I was speaking a completely different language, so I took advantage of it. — And as for the work we do at Hogwarts, it's a team mission. If I'm not being magically better, isn't it obvious that someone as good and performing better will take my place? It's not a matter of me not fighting for my place, but I don't feel the need to promise you that. I'll show you with teeth and nails how much I want to stay here.

Obviously, nothing I told him pleased him. But I've seen him control himself and take a few deep breaths. It was not until he breathed a restrained sigh, that he finally spoke again.

— Take care of yourself... Nobody else's, do you understand?

I blinked. Apparently, he was going to ignore my complaint about Marion's presence in our discussion. Okay.

— No one will take care of your interests, Granger, just you. — He went on. — And why did you agree with me about having acted as a troll, you will be left out of the next screening.

What?

— But... — I tried to start but he interrupted me.

— Don't complain. You can act sloppily and I will make a hell of your life for it, but you should never let anyone take it away from you.

Chloe's actions burned in my belly, a sad reminder of how much I was exposed in France and I finally understood what he meant by letting someone speak for me. I didn't deny her when she told reporters that while she was seeking a magical cure, I had fun with her boyfriend. I felt so consumed with guilt, for having two dates with an idiot man, that I simply let the French press take Chloe's "truth". Perhaps the fact that nothing was leaked to the British Press contributed to this. But it did not justify the fact that I, Hermione Granger, a born fighter, did not show my truth.

And the truth was, I didn't know he was committed, let alone to her. And yet, I hadn't even slept with him. I just kissed someone who seemed like a nice guy, a man I had kissed to get over my breakup with Ron. Just two stupid dates that had taken my image of being a nice girl to the trash.

I felt my eyes become teary, with the same disappointment I felt at the time. Disappointment with myself. I sniffed trying to control the water creeping into my eyes. It had been years since I cried for letting myself be deceived and vilified. A month, that was all the time I allowed myself to be sad about it. Since then I had locked everything up, accepted reality and moved on with my focus of healing The Wizarding World. But when something has been broken inside you into several pieces, you can't look at them and not feel sad about it.

— Are you crying? — He questioned me.

Clearing my throat, I blinked twice, lowering my gaze to the first button of his overcoat. ― No.

The fingers reached my hand slightly.

— Stop it, Granger.

I did not lift my gaze at him, even though my heart was racing so strongly with the small rubbing of his hand.

― I'm not crying.

― I may be old, but my vision is still perfect. — He spoke in a softer tone.

I finally looked up and saw him looking at me with a disturbed expression on his face. His black spheres were very close and completely focused on mine. I knew he could see my soul with his talents of legilimence if I kept eye contact. And Severus Snape was the last person in the world in front of whom I would like to show signs of weakness. But I didn't look away anyway. Instead, I rubbed my hand over my cheek, wiping away the tear that had dripped and kept staring at him.

― You should visit a healer then. ― I whispered.

I could see the change in the brightness of his eyes when he stepped out of the Hogwarts mentoring pose to Severus, my 'almost friend'. And this perception made me relax. Severus broke eye contact when his expression became even clearer. He tilted his head up to look at the dark sky.

— Go home, Hermione.

Hermione. Yes, it was definitely Severus Snape, my friend, who uttered this. I took it lightly in his hand and his thumb brushed against the back of my palm. I tried not to think about the familiarity of that caress when I let him go and turned to leave.


Final Notes


So, talking to the best beta in the world (munjaaay), I decided to also expose some personal details about our protagonist, after all, she is people like us. I hope you enjoyed learning more about her mistakes and regrets. I love all of you who are following and commenting on this story. Thank you!

Translation by Jessinthedungeons.