Translation by Jessinthedungeons.
Chapter 19 - The orbit of time
— You are wearing a dress.
I turned around and frowned, my hands smoothing in front of the navy-blue dress I put on five minutes earlier.
— Yes. — I smiled at him, who looked at me from the door, in the same black robes that he usually wears in everyday life, whenever we go to the muggle world.
He didn't say anything, he just kept looking at me, as if he had never seen me in a dress. Come to think of it, the times I stood in front of him in robes like that, I was just a young student invisible to his eyes.
— It may be news to you, but I dress like that sometimes. Birthdays, Christmas Ball, New Year. — I pulled the hem of the dress that almost reached my knees to the side and his gaze slid down the entire length of the piece to my face, after seeing me wiggle with the skirt.
— You are wearing makeup.
— I wear makeup. Not much, but enough. — I replied, nervous by the thorough analysis he was doing.
— No heels? — He looked at my feet, which were in a pair of black suede ankle boots.
— Trust me, Severus, you would end up spending the night getting me off the ground and laughing at how bad I am on them. — I smiled at him.
His eyes stared at mine and a small smile cracked the corners of his mouth.
— I doubt it. You are good at everything you do.
I was left unresponsive for a few seconds, mildly moved by his statement.
— I wish. I'll make a list later with all the things I'm horrible at. Flying is one of them. — I took my little bag from the corner of the bed and pulled it over my head. — Are you ready to go?
— Yes. — He replied, taking his eyes off mine to look at the neckline of my dress for a split second more.
I had freckles on my chest, but it's not like he didn't see that when he examined my ribs after the manticore incident. I pushed the knowledge of him "checking on" me out of my head and exhaled deep to relax. In the morning, he had woken up when I was just wearing a bra and panties, and Severus had not said a word while I was wearing the rest of my clothes. Obviously, I could have gone to the bathroom to change myself, but I continued with the same thought in my head that I had from the beginning. I needed to be natural about this thing between the two of us and start acting like an Immaculate Virgin about it now seemed stupid since he saw me without a blouse before.
But their eyes slid back into my cleavage, and I realized it was too good an opportunity to miss.
— Hey! — I called loudly and snapped my fingers to draw his attention to my face. — Eyes up here, professor.
Unlike me, who was mortified by his perception of my analysis of his "size," Severus just let out a fun laugh and headed for the exit.
We found the four Potters, Ron and a friend of his in the living room waiting for us. It was Harry who made the first crack when he saw me. In a shirt, long pants and shoes, he must have forgotten that he had acted as a shy drag around Severus, because he immediately poked Ginny with his elbow, before speaking:
— Look, it's a Christmas miracle. Hermione, you're not wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
I grimaced at him at the same time.
— Funny.
Ginny came forward and squeezed my shoulder. — You look beautiful with this color, it highlights your eyes. Are you dressed like that to find a new boyfriend? — She commented with a mischievous smile on her face.
I widened my eyes at her, ignoring the intense gaze coming from Severus.
— I dressed for myself, Ginny.
— Well, it doesn't stop you from being admired. You are certainly the most beautiful among us. — She said, looking crooked at her own brother and his companion.
— You two look wonderful. The kids are hungry, come on. — Harry commanded, rising Albus to one of his arms, while extending his other hand to James, who looked at him with a happy expression.
I stood in place and smiled at Ron and his friend as they followed Harry and the boys out the door, but he didn't look at me. I clenched my teeth and buried my emotions deep in my head. Today was about James, not me and Ron.
Severus and I went separately, since it would not fit so many of us in the Potter family car. I had barely turned the ignition on and left the garage when Severus spoke.
— I don't like how Weasley treats you. — I turn my head to look at him, who was busy facing forward. — Why do you let him belittle you in this way?
— I... — I turned back to the windshield and tried to tell me that this moment was real. — He lost a lot. And I don't know, I think I love him too much, as a friend, of course, and I don't want to hurt him by telling him that his lack of attitude to me hurts me.
— You shouldn't feel guilty that Weasley lost his magic, Granger. It wasn't your fault. — He cut me.
— He has a different view on this. And I know I shouldn't feel that way, Severus. But that's who I am. I'm not going to be any different from that just because Ron is an asshole to me. I just let him say everything he wants to say and swallow it. At the end of the day, I will continue to be a witch, regardless of what he says or thinks. I don't need to rub it in his face.
From my peripheral vision, I saw his head turn to me.
— Can't he even stand looking at you? — Severus asked.
— He looks at me and talks to me sometimes. But he often says that I am a reminder of all that he has lost and finds it unfair that someone who did not even know the existence of magic for eleven years, has inherited it, while he was born in the midst of it and has no access to any magic spark. — I explained.
— Has he forgotten how good a witch you are? — He asked completely seriously.
I had to smile, his belief in me was absolutely enchanting and almost made up for Ron ignoring me for three whole days.
— Do you really think I'm good? — I asked, with the shadow of a smile hovering on my lips.
— You could work harder...
I knew he was just trying to piss me off by saying the same phrase he said to me this morning when I almost drowned inside the bubble of water he invoked in our training. Even then, I turned to look at him, indignant.
— Are you serious?
He ignored my indignation.
— Yeah, don't make it a big deal. You still have a whole training of the four elements to overcome, so there is something to improve. — He paused. — Even so, Weasley should be proud of you.
I was torn between continuing to defend Ron and wanting to give him a kiss for the good things he was saying. Instead, I continued our conversation.
— He's proud of me. That's it... It's hard for him with me, I think. We've been together for so long, and even when we were teenagers, Ron sometimes seemed to feel inferior to being outbid by a Muggle-born witch. I can't explain it well. — I could feel the change in the tone of my voice. Whenever I tried to explain to someone why my relationship with Ron had soured, my feelings sprayed all around me, one part was frustration that he was a hard-headed idiot and the other was genuine sadness that blamed me for leaving such a beautiful friendship, to faint.
— I know what you mean. — He commented.
I looked at him in amazement. — You know?
— Yes. — He nodded. — Draco felt the same way. And before you say I don't call Draco an idiot for that, I'll explain why he's not one, while Weasley is.
— I wasn't going to say anything! — I answered loudly.
Severus only gave me a look from the side, which made me shake my hand harder on the steering wheel.
— The heir to the Malfoys was created to replicate everything his family held dear. Since he was born, Draco was urged to maintain the fame, money, power, and especially the blood supremacy that his family preached. Lucius was ruthless with him at every possible opportunity. He humiliated the boy for being intellectually "beaten" by a Muggle-born witch. Which got worse when his aunt fled Azkaban and joined his father in urging him to become a Death Eater. — Severus had a disgusted expression on his face. — At Hogwarts, I was complacent with Draco, because my Godfather relationship with him, screamed loudly so that I would not bury the boy in even more contempt. When I protected him at school when he acted meanly, it had nothing to do with Potter or you. I was always aware of the horrors he was subjected to at home. Narcissa tried to relieve her side, but there wasn't much she could do. But even though we didn't protect him so well, he managed to break the Malfoys paradigm and became a better person. He was lucky, even for a short time, to bond with Diana.
His tone of voice sounded sad to me at the end of his explanation, and the silence hovered in the car. I don't say anything, because I know Severus is in some memory that he needs to process.
— Weasley, on the contrary, always lived surrounded by love. He grew up in a family that espoused the ideals preached by the other three founders of Hogwarts: that magic should be accessible to all. There is therefore no way to explain his problem with you. If you continue to defend him, you'll need to give me a better explanation than just "he thinks it's unfair that I kept the magic because I'm Muggle-born". It's too shallow an argument for me to assimilate. — He concluded, looking slightly annoyed that he could not understand me.
— I love him, Severus. — His lack of response was enough to confirm to me that he was upset. — Even if he thinks that this break from magic is unfair. The Weasleys were the closest to a family I had in the Wizarding World. What I didn't learn in books or at Hogwarts, I learned at the Burrow. They are the most wonderful people to live with I have ever met, and I don't like anyone talking bad about them. When Ron says something bad, I try to be understanding, because he hates being sidelined since he's the last of the brothers and has always kept the leftovers of the elders.
— It's unfair with your efforts that he thinks less of you, Hermione! — He growled.
— I know, Severus! — I screamed, and took a deep breath to get back to my normal tone of voice. — I know, believe me. — I blinked the tears of frustration that tried to flood my eyes. — When he talks like that, I feel like he despises every day that I worked harder than my teammates to be the best. From my first year, I had to work twice as hard as all the other kids to prove that I didn't get here by chance. — I paused to breathe better. I just ... I don't let the fact that he's an asshole change anything about me.
In the five minutes it took us from that point until we were parking in the restaurant, Severus didn't say a word. I was familiar enough with him to recognize when he was angry, but I couldn't read any of the emotions on his face. He was just silent. And I didn't want to talk about it anymore either, so I didn't force the conversation. Talking about Ron always left me with a heavy heart.
We do not talk to each other when we meet with the rest of the people who were waiting for us at the entrance and nor when we enter the establishment and take two seats next to each other. Harry was sitting at the head of the table, with James in a child seat next to him right and Ginny on the left, followed by another child seat in which Albus was sitting, Ron's friend came next, and at the other end of the table, Ron himself settled down.
— What would you like to drink? — The waiter had started with Ginny and made his way around, passing Severus before reaching me. I was thinking of starting with a drink to relieve the stress I had lived in the car, but the man next to me had a confessed problem with alcoholic drinks and I was driving.
— Water, please. — I've finally decided.
Ginny started telling about one of the messes James had up to at daycare and we were all involved in the conversation until the waiter came back with our drinks and started jotting down our orders.
— For you? — He asked Severus and wrote down, before turning to me. — What about you, Miss?
Before I had a chance to answer, someone pretended to drop the napkin on the floor, and in the process of bending over to retrieve the imaginary item, Severus dug his sharp elbow into the exposed part of my thigh.
This lasted a second, but the scream that came out of my mouth was so ugly, that Harry grimaced at me.
— We don't know her. — He said fun, to the waiter.
I smiled and turned to Severus, all the strange mood between us had evaporated.
— You will have to deal with me later. — I muttered under my breath.
He slammed his knee against mine, his actions saying far more than any words could, after getting out of the car. Where the hell this playful man had come from, I had no idea, but I loved it. Under the table, I slid my hand down his thigh extension and squeezed his fabric-covered knee. He choked on the drink, while I pretended to ignore him.
— Who wants to give me the first gift? — James sounded in his cheerfully childish voice, as soon as the waiter was gone.
Ginny and I found each other's eyes across the table, and laughed at the boy's spontaneity. She looked lovingly at her eldest son and reached out to further mess up his hair, so similar to his father's.
— I will give you your gift at home. — Ginny looked at the rest of us. — Ron? Mione? Who wants to start?
Ron sighed across the table. Sometimes it was awkward to look at him and remind me that we were each other's first love.
— I'll go first. — He said and pulled out a small box from under the table, passing it to Ginny, who handed it to James. — Happy birthday, boy. I hope you like it.
James tore up the paper enthusiastically, with all the joy of a child receiving a gift. He pulled out a box with a non-magical Quidditch children's kit. Balls and clubs. Harry helped James out of his car seat and the boy ran to his uncle to hug him.
As soon as James climbed into his seat again, he turned his attention towards me and signaled "give me" with his hands. Everyone at the table smiled. Severus reached out to me.
— I'll get them.
I took my keys in my bag and handed them to him. — Thanks.
My advisor had barely left the table when Harry leaned over, a glassy look in his eyes and spoke to me. — I'm not dreaming, am I?
Ginny groaned. Harry ignored her.
— Do you think you can take a picture of him here? — My friend asked anxious.
I thought about what would happen if a picture of Harry and Severus was published by The Daily Prophet. Inside, I retreated. A lot. But how could I tell him no?
To say that you didn't want the world to know that Severus spent time with "my family"? Or that you didn't want rumors to circulate around? I definitely didn't want any of this, but on the other hand, he was so thrilled and happy with everything, despite the fact that he had not yet said a direct word to our former professor.
I had no right to end Harry's happiness.
— Sure, Harry.
His smile was so bright to me that there was no doubt that I could tell him no. I stuck my hand into my little beaded bag and discreetly took out the box with the sneakers I bought for James. The little boy demanded that his mother put the new shoes on him and gave several jumps of joy when he noticed that the shoes lit red lights when he stepped on the floor.
Severus was back at some point, sliding in his place, holding two perfectly wrapped boxes in his hands. The packages had appeared earlier that afternoon, already packaged in gift paper. Severus handed me both, so I was able to pass them on to Harry, while he was in charge of returning James to his car seat.
— Happy Birthday from both of us. — I said, without even thinking about how this phrase sounded.
Harry didn't even pay attention, as he helped his eldest son get rid of the wrapping papers. Excitedly, James ripped off the paper from the first one and pulled out one of the Felix Felicis bottles I had tried to buy the day before.
He let out a little scream, looking at his mother with joy.
— Mom! Auntie gave us happy yellow honey!
Ginny smiled back at his son and explained to me and Severus that this is how James referred to the potion.
The kid went to the next box. Inside it were three other vials of potions. They were iridescent. Harry examined one of the vials against the light, trying to decipher the contents. I've never seen that potion before. If I could describe what it looked like, I'd say someone had picked up a rainbow and bottled it. I looked curiously at Severus.
— I don't have a name for that one yet. — He answered me with a blink of an eye.
— What does it do? — I asked, really curious.
Severus looked at Ron for a thousandth of a second, before staring back at me. His eyes followed to Harry, who for the first time, stared the man in the eye.
— For a whole hour, it makes you a wizard. — Severus explained in a low voice.
A haunted silence swept across the table. Carefully, Harry put the vial back in the box and seemed afraid to touch it, as if it were fragile or too precious. I heard my friend take a deep breath and his voice burst out as he spoke.
— How is that ... possible? — Harry asked.
— I created the potion after a long research. — Severus explained. — I ask everyone for a secret. — His eyes blinked at Ron and his companion, who still looked at him in amazement. — Two of the sources of the main elements of the potion are living beings, and the procedure is invasive, so there is no chance of this potion being developed in big scale.
— What would two living beings suffer if it meant that people would have their magic back? — Ron let go, his tone indignant.
— Ron! — Ginny growled, even more indignant.
I closed my eyes and put my hand over my mouth, but I wasn't sure if it was to contain the acid comment I knew would come out of me, or sigh in exasperation at feeling my anger settle on something sharp. I opened my mouth to explain to Ron the problematic in his sentence, but Severus laid a hand on mine. Aversion seethed in Ron's eyes. With his other free hand, Severus took two sips of his water, until he faced Ron's blue eyes.
— Tell me, Weasley, do you collaborate with the rebels who murder the relatives of the remaining Wizards? — Severus asked calmly. — You sound exactly like them.
Ginny quickly called one of the waiters and asked him to take the two children to the restaurant's children's area, where recreators were tasked with distracting them while customers dined.
Severus gave Ron no room to respond and addressed Harry, as Ginny regained her seat, but seemed far from any kind of reassurance.
— We can discuss the composition of the potion in question later, Potter.
— Don't hold back because of me. — Ron said calmly.
The light of Severus's eyes went out as if a hand covered in darkness wiped away any spark of life existing there. He reclined in his chair, removing his hand from mine.
— I'm not comfortable discussing something rare with enemies. — Severus scored.
— No. — Ron said with equal ease. — You're just comfortable fucking her. — He pointed his chin in my direction.
Every thought and sound came out of my head. A fury rippled on me in silent waves. But if Ron felt I was contemplating killing him, he didn't show it. Severus shrugged, smiling ironically.
— Sounds like a much better alternative than plotting with murderers. — Severus said.
Ron let out a low snitch.
— I gave my support to the rebels to find a way to spy on what they are doing. I'm being useful in any way I can.
— You did what? — Ginny asked, incredulity punctuating her voice.
— You didn't do that, Ron. Please say you didn't do that. — I begged.
Ron ignored me, tilting his head in the direction of Severus. — When you fuck her, does she also beg you?
Shame stained my cheeks even though I hadn't done anything Ron was accusing me of. Shame for letting him have that power to undermine all my dignity. Ron's companion smiled, charmed by my mortification. And it was Harry who came out to my defense, his voice cold as death.
— You have no shred of decency to disrespect Hermione, Ron.
Surprise flashed in Ron's eyes when he looked at Harry, but then disappeared, engulfed in pure fury when he realized that Severus's hand landed again on mine.
— It wasn't enough to be with someone who lost their magic, was it? — A grin of hatred curled his lips. — You told me that you did not care that I was no longer a wizard, but you did not want to form a family with me. — Ron finally faced his sister and her husband. — You saw that she dumped me at the first opportunity. She arrived at Hogwarts without ever seeing magic and we opened our home and our family to her. We've shaped Hermione into who she is, but if you're wondering what happened to that muggle-born girl we both saved from a troll... — he headed for Harry. — Look at the man sitting next to her. Ask him what he's getting by standing next to today's most powerful muggle-born. And everyone here knows how happy he is to serve Lords with a thirst for power.
I was so overwhelmed by the absurdities that Ron spat on us, I couldn't open my mouth to counter any of his accusations.
— He is innocent. — Harry blew in a low voice. — That's been proven, Ron, that's enough for me.
— But it's not for me. — Ron snapped back. — I do not understand how you know what he did to your parents and yet it was easy for you to accept him into your home.
— Forgive me if he shows me more confidence these days than you! — Harry hit back. — You confessed that you are working with the rebels. What should this mean for us? They murdered an entire family! What were you thinking when you thought it would be a good idea to join them?
Ron's blue eyes turned to those of Severus.
— Same as he did when he swore allegiance to Voldemort, I suppose.
— Enough! — Ginny spoke. — You're not going to make us doubt Severus, Ron. We did that when we were kids. We all grew up.
— I'm simply warning you that he can present the appearance of honesty and friendship, but the fact is that he has been on the wrong side for years, he thirsts for power. I'm warning you that although he claimed he did what he did to help Harry, he is again joining whoever he thinks has the most power. — Ron's eyes flickered in my direction. — And would still take the opportunity to have sex with the Golden Girl in the meantime.
— That's getting boring, Weasley. This fixation on my sex life does not please anyone. — Severus commented with contempt.
— What's the point here, Ron? — I finally woke up from my insulted torpor and confronted my ex-boyfriend. — What do you want? That I apologize and crawl into your bed to play a perfect wife full of children?
— Why would I want you back? — Ron growled. — From the moment you left him to fuck like a…
In the blink of an eye, a breath of air rushed over all of us as Ron choked and seemed to choke. I knew right away that Severus was manipulating the air around us and depriving my ex-boyfriend of the ability to breathe. He tried to pull oxygen around him, but could not.
There was no smile on Severus's face, not even a glimmer of the irreverent fun he pointed at the table as we delivered James's gifts.
— Agonizing like a fish suits you, Weasley.
Everyone at the table now turned to my partner and had a shadow of fear in their eyes when they realized who exactly had attacked Ron, with no wand in sight and no verbal words whispered. Ginny's eyes were the first to recognize what Severus was. A wizard of full magic.
— And if you're really so interested in knowing, Hermione and I are just friends. — Severus said softly. — You insult her again and I cut your cock and make you choke with it.
Severus looked at me and nodded his head, then getting up and heading towards the exit. I heard Ron try to engulf an amount of air greater than the capacity of his lungs when my partner let go of control over the air around us.
— You didn't say a single word. Severus said.
I didn't, he was right. How could I speak, when something huge had lodged in my chest? Something monstrous had picked up, changed, and stolen the space from which my breath and words usually came. Severus had occupied this part of me when he defended me so hard and exposed his own power, revealing one of his most guarded secrets, just to teach Ron a lesson. What the fuck do you say after that?
— Are you upset? — He asked.
— With what, specifically, Severus?
We were in the back of the restaurant, where there was a gazebo that poured into the view down the landscape. The sun was hiding among the trees, and Severus was bathed in the light of the sunset. I felt transfixed by a vision of an angel of light and fire and shielded my eyes from the sunlight as I approached him to admire the eternity of the orange-bathed horizon.
— For choking your friend. — He answered without looking at me. Still focused on the view down there.
— No. — I answered, leaning against one of the wooden pillars of the gazebo. My body faced him, but my eyes also turned to the sunset. — I'm surprised nobody's here.
— They turned around when they saw me and left when I arrived. — Severus looked at me and his eyes held steady as the light breeze shook my hair. — But you followed me, probably to talk about what happened inside.
For a moment I found myself lost for words as I admired his black hair whipping in the wind, the black of his perfectly buttoned robes was a dark shadow against the landscape bathed in light. The skin of his face that is always so pale, in the light of that sunset, shone in gold and caused my fingers to twitch to touch him.
I needed to blink my eyes a few times to get back into focus on what we were talking about, and I pushed the tension out of my shoulders as best I could.
— I came to enjoy the view. What happened inside was deserved.
Severus held his gaze on mine for a while, until he turned again to the sun. The light emerged further his face in a warm glow and silence was all that surrounded us in those minutes.
— But I think I should personally thank you for what you said and did. — I murmured.
— I told the truth. — Severus said.
— For all the other things, then. For coming with me, training me. — I said while taking one of the curls off my face and looking at the wizard next to me.
— It is my job, Hermione. I get paid for it.
— To be exclusively my advisor on a weekend. — It wasn't a question, just a fact.
— As I said... — Severus took a deep breath and looked at me again. The softness provided by the sunset changed, casting part of his face into the shade. — I'm a mentor at Hogwarts, paid by the Ministry to train the whole team. Not only you. — His laughter was to relieve tension, but it served to do the exact opposite. — How arrogant to think of something else, Granger.
— I think I am. — I rolled my eyes. — Or maybe my statement was a mere observation.
— You love attention.
— Yes. — I was surprised, smiling lightly, looking down to catch a glimpse of the grass under my boots.
— What are you thinking now? — He asked me.
It took me a few seconds to admire the splendor of the last traces of light.
— I'm just enjoying the sunset. Nothing more. — I answered, closing my eyes to the breeze dancing on my face.
— I find it hard to believe. — Severus scored.
Ignoring that low noise of his voice, I continued with my eyes closed, allowing myself to feel the warmth on my face.
— Unlike you, Severus, I know how to relax.
He snorted inelegantly and I opened my eyes in time to see him unbend his hands behind him and slowly roll his own shoulders.
— Did you create that potion without following the instructions in a book? — I asked.
Severus clearly did not expect the change of subject. — Yes.
— How do you create like this, without any guidance?
— For the reason you're not a Ravenclaw, Granger. — There was that silky timbre in his voice, which crawled down my spine and settled in the crevices of my mind. — Open mind. That, and a lot of research.
— I remember this argument. — I answered, moving away from the pillar where I was supported. — My opinion about the knowledge contained in the books may have changed, but tonight, being saturated with discussions, I will let this matter die.
— I feel relaxed enough after having given Weasley what he deserved. — His answer sounded honest. — But, unlike you, I would be willing to point out that you clearly prepare potions correctly according to instructions and it would be very difficult for you to be able to create any from scratch. Like the one I gave you, Potter.
— Not everyone is a dedicated potion master like you.
— I'm dedicated as much as I'm a bastard, Hermione. Believe me. — He scoffed.
— I know. You are a man difficult to figure out.
The way he wavered, I could tell his next words were the ones he wouldn't speak in any normal conversation.
— Not for you. I'm not that difficult.
I let out a laugh. — I don't believe that for one...
— I am not difficult. — He cut me. — However, I am private about who and what I spend my time and energy with. — That same reluctant honesty as when he confessed to me his magical level, was on display. — I prefer quality not quantity, and I will not feed anything that is not real.
There were deep layers in his words that punctuated the core of his character. Perhaps if our night had been quieter, I would have had the energy to separate every statement hidden in his words. But for now, I just wanted to enjoy the sunset that had already sunk three-quarters of the way below the horizon, taking some of the reds and oranges with it, but leaving behind some lighter shades.
— Minerva wants me to inform her about the training in a week. — Black eyes slid into mine, and then into the horizon. — This means that you need to try harder.
— I will. — I said. — I will return the magic to him. Although Ron doesn't deserve it.
— Don't sound as bitter as I do, Hermione. — Severus asked me.
— How can you handle it? — I asked, really curious. — How do you endure that they distrust everything you do, what you are.
— I meant what I said about being a bastard, but... — Severus paused, the corners of his mouth twitching as he struggled against his own reserves of trust. He closed his eyes. A second passed, then thirty, as he tried to control himself.
— You can trust me. — My voice came out low, private, these were words spoken only to him. — But I suppose that's all you know how to be. Reserved.
Servitude, pain, loneliness and duty. It was all he knew in his life. I pushed the depressing thought back into the recesses of my mind and forced myself to focus on the last remnants of daylight.
— What do you think of me? — He asked after a few seconds, and I noticed that his eyes were probing me, wondering what I would say about him.
— You are… — "Obstinate. Smart. Compassionate. A deep well of emotions that would start to want to come out when you're around me, but that you stubbornly keep them trapped.". Those were the things I wanted to say, but maybe I was induced by his actions earlier, or by his dedication to being by my side, training me, taking care of me. Or even it was the warmth of the air and the sun that relaxed me, but my answer was the last thing that came to mind. — You're not what I expected.
Severus cleared his throat and looked back at the now pink sky before us. He was motionless, but I could see the wheels spinning in his mind, as if analyzing the piece of phrase I had just handed him.
Despite his claims of not being difficult, Severus Snape was still too complex for me to understand him. His every action always drew my attention to more and more questions, especially about the distance he kept from everyone, even if he was a hero these days. The only obvious thing about him is that he wants to keep his distance from people. So why do I want to stay with him? Don't know. Honestly, I may never know.
For now, I think it's better to leave him with his thoughts. The night was fast approaching and I was supposed to go back inside the restaurant and help Ginny with the kids. It was a good way out to ease the feelings that had stirred within me since the argument with Ron.
And if I had to put responsibility on something for my next action, I would blame everything except myself. It was a habit I kept with my friends, but it was also an attitude based on seeing him revere me so hard in face of Ron's accusation. Whatever it was, I moved thoughtlessly, stepping next to him and using his arm for support, as I stood up at my fingertips to land a kiss on his right cheek. But this action turned into something else when a soft set of lips pressed awkwardly against mine as Severus turned his face towards me.
I immediately retreated from contact, an apology hanging on my next breath, but his eyes stopped me. Not the color or proximity, but the fact that there was no ice. Only fire and heat, which were spreading uncontrolled. What he discovered in my own gaze, I would never know, but he leaned in with a hesitation that guided each of his movements in a series of forward pauses until he was only a breath away and his hands rose to hold my face, his thumbs sliding gently down my lips, over and over again.
I unconsciously lifted my chin more as soon as Severus exhaled and kissed me completely. The action briefly exposed his uncertainty, until his determination was evident when Severus exploited me with a series of slow, closed-mouthed kisses that felt like a warm-up for the main event, which promised to be electric.
And the reason I opened up to the experience of feeling his tongue in mine was selfish: I wanted to explore him. And in the best way, without the responsibility that came with such an act. Without the weight of the consequences that would come if I had kissed him at Hogwarts, or anywhere we could be seen together.
It was natural to fall into it, in the rhythm of his breathing. His lips were warm and firm, and it was very easy to kiss him, keep kissing him, hold his shirt and cling completely to him to prevent me from floating to the sky we admired seconds before. I just closed my eyes and explored it, cataloging every sensation it evoked inside me: the fierce roar of my brain; the vibration in my stomach; and the wink of my intimacy.
I know it is human nature to seek connection, knowledge and meaning through something as primitive as touch, but at that moment, there was no problem in claiming that I was just thirsty for it. Thirsty for his touch and feeling a sense of belonging that he was all mine. That the two of us were no longer alone.
An electric tingling went through my veins as I moved a hand to his chest, high above his heart, and felt the way it hit against my palm. Accelerated, like mine. Our kiss was pure intensity, whether driven by the discussion with Ron, or by our confessions from before, or even by the energy of the sun that had just set. Perhaps it was the combination of everything we had lived up to this moment that created this need not to fight the rising emotions in our chest, the beating of our hearts, the pulsating in our veins, the breathing in his lungs and the hard squeeze in my belly from his desire.
And my mind would sing over and over again that this was Severus kissing me, touching me, and that he led me blindly back, still holding me and kissing me completely, not breaking our tenuous new connection, until he pushed me against the same pillar where I was leaning minutes before and sliding one knee between my legs, pushing me closer to him.
— Am I heavy? — I whispered when he dislocated me on his thigh a second time.
Severus did not answer; he swallowed my question with a kiss so shockingly intense that it almost hurt. But it was easy to use that intensity of his to pull his hair and guide him to kiss me exactly the way I wanted to, showing him what I liked. It was abnormally selfish the way I pulled him in the direction I wanted, without giving much in return.
Why did he let me lead? Why doesn't he push me for more?
Severus kissed me savagely, but I still felt him restrained. He's always been, so why do I keep waiting for something different? Because I want more. I want everything from him. And I knew better than to poke a former Death Eater, but I wanted it completely. I always wanted to.
— I'm not breaking, Severus. — My whisper sounded harsh and unfamiliar to his own ears, intensifying the heat through my own veins to my lower abdomen.
I think that was this raw honesty of my words and the permission I granted with them, which caused the flames within them to spread like wildfire. His hand, once resting respectably on my neck, went down to my thigh, up my hip, under my skirt, and it was only there that I realized that we would have a containment problem. Our fire was much stronger. Uncontrollable. Inevitable. Undeniable.
Severus allowed himself to take what he didn't think he was entitled to and I didn't fight it. Neither did he. It was perfect to feel the warmth of his palm on my ass, holding me in the exact place he wanted. And the way he pinched my lower lip and pulled, without any kindness in the act, was enough to make me burn as he again slipped his tongue in and brushed it against mine.
Severus exhaled into my mouth, each kiss more insistent than the last. It was pure passion of a rising fire and a feeling of emotional exposure that I knew he was not prone to express in his daily life and that was why I held him so tight. Because it was fascinating how someone so cold and distant, it was now so hot and held me with such ardor.
I abandoned any thought when his hand slid again down my hip and slipped briefly between my thighs. The shock of it caused me to moan his name between our kiss and hear him growl back.
It was loud voices that awakened us to reality again. Severus hardened against me when the disjointed words of an argument between two male voices caught up with us.
It was strange when we parted, we looked everywhere except for each other, while we fixed the wrinkles on our clothes. When I finally took a look at Severus, I found him back to normal, except the messy state of his hair and the nervous energy he emitted.
— Can you ... — he started.
— Forget that? — I cut him, nervous to vent the energy of the kiss we exchanged. — Is that what you're going to suggest? Of course I can. It makes sense. — The words poured out of me out of my own will.
Severus caught me completely off guard as he smiled. He overcame the distance he had just given us and immediately rekindled the flames that the unknown voices had just extinguished. He looked at me for a few seconds, before sliding his thumb down my lower lip.
— Can you take me to a hotel, Granger? — He waited for me to nod positively and in an unexpected gesture, kissed the tip of my nose. — I can't sleep in the same room as you today, or I will mark you as mine, right under Potter's ceiling.
Final Notes
So guys, nineteen chapters later and here we are. I hope you all enjoy this kissing scene which, for me, was exciting to write.
The whole sunset scene was written to the tune of Lenine's song "É o que me interessa".
This chapter has an official fanart made by Mademoiselle Fox arts, which can be found by the link: survianafics. carrd. co
New World has playlists on Spotify, Youtube and Amazon Music, which can be found by the link: survianafics. carrd. co
Translation by Jessinthedungeons.
