Chapter Twelve

Sara knew she should be feeling something. When she walked down the Crime Lab lobbies, she knew all those people were staring right at her. When she saw Grissom, for the first since she had known him, looking haggard and defeated, she knew that her entire world has changed. When she saw Sofia unsuccessfully trying to comfort Lily and Nancy, she knew she should be crying like them. When she saw her teammates and her colleagues eyeing her with immeasurable sorrow, she knew she should have that same emotion reflecting on her face.

But she didn't. Sara felt as if she had gone completely disjointed from her body and was watching the whole scene from a distance. Tiny little things around her started taking significance. She spotted a small crack in one of the lab's windows. She could smell the male deodorant emanating from the lab techs. She noticed how the flowers sitting on an office desk were wilting.

In an instant of dark humor, Sara wondered if this was how being a Cyborg from Terminator land felt like.

And then she saw Lindsay…

It was the bereaved expression on the girl. It was the beautiful face marred by grief. It was the brilliant blue eyes and the fair mane, so much a replica of her mother's. It was her very presence that broke the dam inside Sara.

Sara fell to her knees, as if in slow motion. Her eyes were fixed on Lindsay. Her arms dropped to her sides and every little ache that she had clamped inside of her, rushed out. A yell, a cry, a howl, she didn't know which, escaped her lips. Her vision was no longer clear as tears flowed in rivulets down her cheeks. Once she let it out, she was unable to stop herself. Her throat hurt from the agonized sound she forced through it. Her heart thudded with the burden of sobbing.

She vaguely felt someone cradle her head, while someone else hugged her tight. A voice, female, murmured soothing words. But nothing could restrain her now. She bent and hit her hands against the ground. Her knuckles bruised but she almost welcomed the pain. All the time, she wailed until only her voice resounded in her ears. Someone tried to stop her from hurting herself but she pushed violently against the person. There was only the overwhelming urge to torment her physical self, in some impractical hope of lessening the emotional anguish.

"Sara, stop!" Grissom enfolded her from behind. "Don't do this, Sara!"

She squirmed in his grasp and her arms flailed everywhere, uncaring whether she was hurting herself or anyone else.

"Let me go!" She shouted.

Sofia pinned Sara's wrists together but found it really hard to manage the woman. She winced as she felt Sara's boots come in contact with her ankles.

"Please Sara, listen to me." Grissom pleaded. "Don't do this to yourself." He chanted it like a mantra repeatedly, all the time firmly holding on to her.

Slowly, Sara weakened and she stopped struggling. Grissom relaxed his grip on her. Sofia let out a breath, painfully aware of how long she had been holding it. She glanced around and saw what looked like the entire lab crowding around them.

Nick tentatively touched Sara's sagged form.

"Catherine… Catherine…" Sara whimpered before she drifted into unconsciousness.


It's a short chapter, but one of the hardest I've ever written. I've uploaded the raw and uneditted version of the chapter because it was written in the right mood and I didn't want to spoil it . Therefore, all mistakes are mine and mine alone, and I apologize for them.