A/N: Feel like recapping the Christmas continuity thus far--drabbles 10, 12, 13, and 14, now 15.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Drabble 15: Turkey Run

"Figures you would draw the shortest straw, Edward," said Greed in an attempt to steer the boy's attention away from the mass of people struggling to enter the marketplace; it didn't work, Mr. Shrimp Alchemist's golden eyes were still fixed in horror.

"...This is your fault," Ed mumbled, apparently the very sight of the crowds making him too tired to screech.

"Pinako needs that Turkey," the Homunculus muttered absent-mindedly as he analyzed the crowd, trying to find some way in... On the other hand, Ed was busy regretting over even participating in the earlier short straw contest, the one that determined who would guide the Homunculus through the local market for a new turkey, so much so that he never caught Greed's demonic smile; swiftly, he plucked the boy off the ground, and managed to toss him straight over the crowds and through that small gap left in the doorway. Fortunately, Ed still had the presence of mind to curl into a roll and land feet-first on the tiled floor.

"Go ahead! I'll catch up with you!" Greed shouted before plunging into the crowd and trying his hardest to barrel through without drawing too much attention to himself. (Ultimate Shield was out of the question, as Martel had specified in a never-ending lecture, but there was no way he could resist using his innate and freakish strength--the trick was to use it in small degrees.) The Homunculus resisted a sigh of relief, since for once Mr. Shrimp Alchemist had listened to him; Greed managed to catch an unmistakable flash of gold and crimson moving further into the store, before a particularly nasty bulge of people cropped into view. As much as he tried, the Homunculus ended up losing all sense of time during his uphill struggle with the crowd; once he was finally in, it was amazing how quickly that sense returned--with his capabilities, it only took him about 10 minutes to get inside.

"Yeesh! It's worse inside..." Muttered Greed as he immediately ran for the meat section, and indeed the marketplace was infinitely worse on the inside; it resembled more of a place crawling with ants than anything else. The Homunculus passed approximately 12 brawls, leaped over 7 of those brawls, and dodged 3 falling shelves, before finally skidding to a screeching halt as he gawked at the sight of Ed getting his ass kicked by a remarkably spry lady with more wrinkles than Pinako; her cane just kept beating the boy down over and over again, his arms too busy shielding the turkey--TURKEY!

"Ed--GAH!" The old hag had launched her freakin' dentures toward him! Luckily, Greed had ducked beneath the dentures' path--but just barely, a few strands of his dark hair were forever trapped in their grip--and it became even more fortunate, since his presence had distracted the hag long enough to give Mr. Shrimp Alchemist a chance to run away with the turkey--well, more like hobble away.

Not entirely sure how they had managed it, the pair left the hag choking on their dust, although they were certain that during the process of escape, Greed had ended up carrying Ed on his back, although the boy still had enough strength to hold the bird. They weren't even sure how they ended up being cornered by a mob screaming for their bird.

"THE NEXT PERSON WHO COMES AN INCH CLOSER WILL BE SKEWERED!" Yelled the Elric as he threateningly waved an alchemically conjured spear from his perch atop Greed's back; still, the mob ventured closer without fear, an angry froth actually gathering around their mouths.

"Ed, try aiming the spear toward the turkey." The Homunculus breathed another sigh of relief as Mr. Shrimp Alchemist once again obeyed him, instantly pointing the weapon toward their turkey; there was an immediate stirring of fear within the mob, and one of them actually edged closer and nervously asked, "Now, you're not actually considering--"

"Oh yes, I'm actually considering shredding this fine turkey into a million useless scraps not fit to even make stuffing," Ed sneered, wickedly jabbing his spear into the bird with a light and teasing touch. Instinctively, the mob took a step back, and Ed continued with "That's right, let us through, or else..." Another light jab against the bird.

At first, Greed slowly walked through the mob's hastily cleared path, but soon he began running like hell toward the cash register, Ed still on his back with the spear still fixed on the turkey. It was amazing how quickly they payed, but once outside, the pair took their time returning to the Rockbell home. Well, technically, the Homunculus made their return home slowly, for he was the one doing the actual walking; he didn't have the heart to make Ed walk right now, especially with the boy starting to nod off and snuggle the turkey as if it were a stuffed animal. But a bright smile lit the Elric's face as a light up ahead shined, and it took Greed a second to realize it was coming from their destination.

"Mom always used to do that, shine a light for Al and I, quietly telling us to come home... Winry does it now, though."

"...Your mom sounds like she was a clever woman."

"She was, Greed. She was..."

A/N: The whole scenario was actually inspired by a DBZ fic, oddly enough; it was called Thanksgiving Day Terror, written by Lauryn1, and I found it pretty funny.