A/N: So here it is!  Thanks to Moy for proofreading (you can also thank her that I got this out so quickly), and to Andy for making sure nothing was stupid.  ^_^  This chapter is pretty angsty.  Lot's of people being jerked around by the choke collar, emotionally speaking, of course.  But Andy was thrilled with it.  Said it almost made him cry O_o.  I dunno…but I hope it touches someone else like that as well.  Thank you all for sticking with me, but if you've been going along hoping I'd never actually get to the romance, run away now!  *mwah ha ha*

Falling Into Grace

By Lady Blackmour

Chapter 5

"My true love, lost in a shadow play, I will find a way.

Through fear and doubt, I will find you out,

In the secret places you hide about."

- from Phantom, lyrics by Maury Yeston

            Of all the fates she could have possibly suffered, of all the things the Vampire could have done, D believed this was the worst.  No transformation, no change, not even the release of death.  Just…draining.  Enough left to leave Dynariel alive, but enough taken that she would be ill, pale, and weak for...a long time…if she were human, it would have been her entire life, mercifully short though that would have been…but as an elf…he could only guess.

            And fear.

            His left hand clenched involutarily as he watched several of the elves carry her inside.  He felt so helpless!  He hadn't felt helpless for a long time, and now…

            What's wrong?  Tell me!

            He shook his head, dispelling the memories forcefully.  Dwelling in the past did no good.  He knew that more than anyone.  Things couldn't be changed.

            Dynariel had refused to let him touch her, had panicked when he reached to pick her up, to carry her from that cave. 

It had hurt.

Though the rational part of his mind had understood, had reasoned that she was delerious, and that he simply…resembled the vampire…that part of himself he had never been able to really destroy raged that it was unfair.  All his life he had been judged by looks.  He looked like a vampire, normal humans always reasoned, therefore he must act like one too.  He too must be a cold killer, who would take their children and steal their very lifeforce without a second thought.  After all, it only made sense.

But here…here he had found something different, something…new.  These…elves, as they called themselves, treated him as if he were anyone else.  Rayven had taken away even that…

And then, just as he was truly retreating into his own black thoughts, she was there.  "D?" she said his name softly, and he wondered again what it would be like to hear his true name spoken by that gentle, musical voice.  "D," she said again, but nothing more, and he felt suddenly comforted by her presence.

"Yes?" he said, but there was no impatience, merely a real interest in what she wanted to say to him, a desire that she speak her mind.

She smiled ruefully up at him.  "I am only worried for you," she replied simply, with that honesty he had come to respect.  She spoke her mind with barely a second thought, and he knew she did not approve of hiding her feelings.  He wondered idly how it was that he had not yet driven her mad.

"After all," she continued.  "This is a terrible outcome, and I know…"  She swallowed.  "I know you had hoped for better," she finished softly.  "I also know that you feel frustration, and that it is directed mostly inward.  You blame yourself," she said with certainty.  He looked away, not really comfortable with the way she could read his emotions.  It made it difficult to hide things from her, and some thoughts were better left unknown, especially by one so…pure.

He blinked.  Where had that come from?

"D," she said again, drawing his gaze back to hers with a gentle touch on one cheek.  He tensed at the contact, but managed to repress, with much effort, the instinct to jerk away.  "You must not blame yourself…"

"There is no one else to blame," he replied harshly, and this time he did pull away.  "It was my duty to protect you, not just you, but everyone.  I am the only one who knows…what to do, and because I did not work quickly enough, because I couldn't find the bastard, Dynariel was taken.  And she'll never be the same, Aéllanwen, do you understand that?  And the same thing could happen to you!"

At first she was shocked, simply because she didn't think she'd ever heard him say so much at once, and she certainly had never heard him say anything with such outright emotion.  Shock was soon followed by an emotion that was not quite anger, not quite fear, but perhaps a more than a little desperation.  "All my life," she said slowly, turning away from him. "I have heard people say that I was…too emotional.  And perhaps it's true.  I become angry more quickly than other elves.  I am prone to tears much more easily.  And when I am happy, I do not hide it.  I am not serene, as my race is supposed to be.  Perhaps part of this is my father's blood, but…there is something more."  She sighed, rubbing her arms as if she were cold.

"What they don't realize, what they all forget, is that not all the emotions I feel are my own.  And so even as they criticized my overstrong emotions, they fed them with their own."

Until now, her voice had been calm and even, almost belying her own words, but when she turned back to face him again, her eyes sparked with blue fire and her gentle voice was harsh and intense.  "I fear the fate of Dynariel, D.  I fear it very much.  But there is something I fear even more.  And that is your despair.  When we first met, your loneliness nearly overwhemled me.  Perhaps you noticed, or perhaps not, that when you first came into my presence, I nearly wept.  That is difficult enough to control, but despair…  Your mind is so big, and so strong, D.  It eclipses everything, encompasses it.  I am learning to live with your loneliness, with your bitterness, and yes, even your sadness…but I do not think I could live with your despair."

Now she stood just in front on him.  "D…blaming yourself…burying yourself in guilt…this would lead to despair."  Her hands came up to surround his face, but she did not touch him.  "Please…do not despair.  For me.  Remember there is still good you can do here.  I know you will not let me come to harm."

He backed away from her, turned his face.  "How is it that I, and I alone, should mean so much to your happiness?  How is it that my despair would drive you to such a similar end?  Why does it matter so much more than that of any other person?"

She swallowed.  "Because…I…Truly, D, I cannot explain it.  I only know what I feel.  I am intimately acquainted with the emotions of others, but I cannot explain my own."

Her brow furrowed.  "I am sorry.  I know this is a difficult time for you.  I shouldn't put this on you as well.  It's just…D."  She moved to stand next to him again, waiting until he looked at her.  When he did, she sighed, the smile she tried to put on for him not quite reaching her eyes.  "Know that you are not alone.  And know that whatever happens to me, I will never blame you."

He slowly closed his eyes and turned his head away again.  "You should go inside, Aéllanwen.  It is nearly time to eat."  He looked at the sky, then back at her, seeing that she was reluctant to leave him.  "The sun will be setting soon.  You know I will not leave you alone once it is dark.  Go."  His tone was gentle now, and if she had not known better, she might have thought he was teasing her.  Nodding, slowly, she turned to leave, disappearing through the massive doors to the Great Hall.

Once she was out of sight, he moved to sit on one of the benches that dotted the courtyard.  It was beautiful, carved of some soft white stone like marble, and decorated with knotwork and flowers.  D barely noticed it as he continued to watch the doors that had closed behind his young charge.

For she was young.  They were all young here.  Even Legolas, though he would have been ancient for a human, was, as an immortal, barely in his prime.  And Aéllanwen had told him that she was just over a century.  She was barely grown.

You may not blame me for what happened to Dynariel, or for what may yet happen to you, he thought.  But I feel certain that you will blame me when, once this is finished, I leave you forever.

**************************************

Because I love you…

What a foolish thing to do.  She had very nearly blurted it out, said the words right then and there.  The time was not right, and she knew it, but when he asked…how he could be so important to her, she had wanted to scream.  She had wanted to ask him how he could not be so important, and she had very nearly told him the truth.  But her mother had told her to be patient, and so patient she would be.

"I am immortal," she insisted to herself.  "As is he.  I have eternity to wait for him."

He did not come to dinner that evening, not even to stand in the shadows away from the table and watch over her.  But he did appear at the end of the meal, to walk with her back to her chambers.

"D," she said, a bit reluctantly, it seemed.  "Before I retire for the night, will you take me to see Dynariel?"

He registered no emotion at her request, merely nodded once.  When they reached the room where she was being cared for, he stopped.  She looked at him questioningly, surprised to feel suddenly from him uncertainty and…fear?

"I think…it would be best if I waited out here," he said stonily.  "Seeing me seems to upset her."

"Nonsense," Aéllanwen replied, grasping his arm and tugging lightly.  "If that is the case, we must rectify it.  If she sees that you are with me, it will not upset her.  Please," she added when he did not allow himself to be moved.

Sighing, he finally nodded, and followed her through the door.  An elf maid was in there, watching over Dynariel as she rested.  She stood and bowed to the princess, who nodded in return, smiling gently.

"How is she, Areva?," Aéllanwen asked, looking towards the bed.

"Better, my lady," Areva replied, her eyes not flickering as she smiled a little at the Hunter, bowing to him as well.  "She is still very ill, but there is a sweet breeze that blows through the palace tonight, and the air of Mirkwood is doing her so much good."  She looked back to D.  "I thank you, heru en amin.  If not for you, I am certain she would never have come back to us at all."

D, inclined his head, and Aéllanwen was surprised by how easily he slipped into the graces of aristocratic life.  It made her realize again how little she knew of him, past or present.  "I thank you, but the credit lies with the Lady Andrenel.  It was she who was finally able to tell us where to look.  I had nothing to do with it."

Areva smiled, shaking her head.  "I will not question your word, Ohtar, but I think you do yourself a disservice."

"He does, indeed," Aéllanwen agreed.  D did not answer, and so she moved to the side of the bed, seeing that Dynariel was awake.  She had to bite her lip to keep from flinching at the palor of the maid's skin.  She had never once seen an elf who looked…ill…it was…very unnerving.

"Tarien!" said Dynrariel, when she saw who it was, and her face lit up enough that Aéllanwen was able to smile for her, though the archer's voice was painfully weak.  "You should not have troubled yourself to come here, but I am glad just the same."

"Cormamin lindua ele lle," replied the Lady, sitting in the chair that was next to the bed.  "It was no trouble, Dynariel."

Dynariel's eyes moved to D, and her smile faltered just a little.

Aéllanwen saw this, but was pleased to feel no fear from her, only a twinge of regret.  "Dynariel," she said softly, "D saved your life.  It was he who went into the cave to find you, and it was he who brought you out.  Do you remember?"

Dynariel sighed, and looked away, then back at him.  "I do, and I regret my actions more than I can say.  I did not know my own mind.  Amin hiraetha, D.  I am sorry."

This time it was D who looked away.  "Please, do not apologise.  I understand."

Dynariel looked as if she would speak again, but was silenced by Aéllanwen's hand on hers.  She shook her head and smiled gently once again at the weakened elf, brushing some of her dark hair back from her face.  "How are you feeling, Dynariel?"

*************************************

Early in the morning, just after the sun had risen, D took his leave of Aéllanwen.  He had been summoned by Legolas late the night before, but had been unwilling to leave his charge until the relative safety of morning.  Once he had gone, Aéllanwen dressed warmly, gathered her bow and quiver, and left to practice her archery.  So much had happened these past few days; she could not think of anything that would relax her more.

Carefully avoiding any of the other elves, knowing that many of them would not yet be about, she made her way to the targets that were set up in near one of the gardens.

************************************

"D, come in please."  The Lord of Mirkwood sounded painfully weary.  Entering his private meeting chamber, D saw that Andrenel was there as well.  She smiled kindly at him, keeping her hand in her husband's.  Legolas looked up at the hunter, and the weariness of his voice was reflected in his deep blue eyes.  "D, I am going to be a selfish father now.  While I am certainly relieved that we have found Dynariel, she is not as she once was, and my main concern now is, can the same thing happen to my daughter?"

D's steely grey gaze did not waver, ignoring the delicate phrasing the King had used in describing Dynariel's fate.  "Yes," he said simply, and Andrenel's own dark eyes snapped to his in shock.  "I am not saying that it will," he amended.  "But neither will I lie to you and tell you that it is impossible.  I will do everything in my power to protect her.  That is all I can give you."

Releasing Legolas' hand, Andrenel stood and moved to stand in front of him.  "D," she said slowly.  "Will it be enough?"

"I cannot tell you," he replied, without hesitation.  "I have failed before.  It was easy for Rayven to take Dynariel because she was unprotected.  But she was not his goal.  Aéllanwen is, and she is far from unprotected."

"Then," said the Lady, "we can only pray."  She nodded.  "Very well, D, you may go.  Thank you.  Thank you for your honesty."  With a bow, he left.

Legolas rose once he was gone.  "That was somehow not very comforting," he sighed.

"No," his wife agreed, but she smiled.  She had felt it.

***********************************

She was not here.  She was not in her room, and he could not find her anywhere else in the castle.  Panic began to set in.  It should have been impossible for Rayven to take her in the light, but…what if he had found help?  God only knew if these "orcs" he had heard about could be coerced into kidnapping her.

"Have you seen the Princess Aéllanwen?" he asked an elf as he passed.

The elf looked a bit surprised to be spoken to by the Hunter, but was not thrown for long.  "Uma," he said.  "She is at the archery targets, near the garden."

D's eyes narrowed, and he dismissed the other without a word, turning to move in that direction.  She had gone outside, of all the foolish…

**************************************

It had begun to rain, but she reveled in it.  The rain was fresh and clean, and it smelled of the woods.  It reminded her that yes, she was still alive.  She had spent so little time outside, really outside since this had all begun.  These past days she had waited for the search party to return, standing in front of the Great Hall, but she had not been to the gardens, nor had she practiced her archery, since D had arrived bearing his news.  It felt wonderful, to be able to speak with the trees again.

Her lack of practice did not show in her shot.  It flew straight and hit the target full center.  The keen eyesight of the elves made them all excellent archers, but she had inherited her father's own unique talent, and it made her one of the best archers in Mirkwood, or anywhere.  She was drawing an arrow from her quiver for another shot when she heard him.

"Aéllanwen."

She turned, and he was taken aback.  She seemed to glow.  Indeed, he believed she actually did.  Her blue eyes were bright, her golden hair damp, and all around her there seemed to be a halo of pure, white light.  He felt weakened, helpless.  He hadn't felt helpless for nearly twenty-five thousand years.

"D, what's wrong?" she asked, her fingers going slack on the shaft of the arrow, dropping it back into her quiver as she glided towards him.  "You're afraid.  Why are you afraid?"

He didn't answer her.  Couldn't answer her.  It was something…he hadn't felt this ways since…Magnus Lee, since Doris, but…this was different.  It was more.  And he stared at her, and he realized that thirty thousand years of living had taught him nothing of this.  Something had snapped inside him in those brief moments when he had feared she had been taken.  And the man who had always shied away from being touched suddenly could not hold back the need to touch her, to prove to himself and the universe that she was really there, when she looked so much like an angel.

Slowly, he closed the last few steps between them, his hand lifting, moving to touch her cheek, sliding back through her hair to cover her pointed ear.  "I was afraid you had been taken," he said softly.  "I was afraid I had lost you."

Her eyes widened in shock, not only at his words but at what she felt from him, suddenly.  It was there, as her mother told her it would be.  Love.  He loved her.  "D…" she said, taking one lock of dark, auburn hair in her fingers and tugging on it gently.  Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead on hers, content to simply stand there, to exist.

She smiled with trembling lips, feeling all at once as if she would both laugh and cry.  She still held the lock of hair, and she rubbed it between her fingers, delighting in the silky texture.  He opened his eyes, and the light around her flared.

"You will never lose me, D."

"The way you're bathed in light

Reminds me of that night

God led me down into your rose

Garden of trust.

And I was swept away,

With nothing left to say.

Some helpless fool,

Yeah, I was lost."

-Live

Elvish:

Heru en amin- my lord (unfamiliar)

Ohtar- Warrior (I know that "hunter" would be more accurate, but I really liked the idea of her calling him "warrior.")

Tarien- Princess

Cormamin lindua ele lle- My heart sings to see thee

Amin hiraetha- I am sorry

Uma- Yes

A/N: I'm sick of trying to fiddle with this stupid thing, since it seems determined not to let me post the link within the chapter.  If you want to see that last scene put into picture, (which is truly wonderful  go to Meadowhaven.net and look for the picture titled "Rainguard" under the fan art gallery.  I will also try to put a direct link in my profile, under my homepage listing.  Please take the time to look.  It is wonderful and you will not regret it!  Oh, and I forgot to mention in the last chapter…anyone who knows where Andrenel's "Well, I am psychic," line came from gets a cookie.  ^_^  See you soon!