Interlude 10: Crimson Lotus Sutra
I sigh with relief as I get out of the simulator. Another day, another slog of training. I'd love to take Guren-kun out for a spin, but we just don't have the resources to set up a full obstacle course and remain hidden.
As I towel off the sweat from my forehead, I hear a sound of wood striking wood.
Raising an eyebrow, I follow it to the dojo, the private training area where Tohdoh and his Holy Swords train.
"Ha!"
I blink at the deep voice. That sounds like Zero...what the hell?
I slide the door open to see Lelouch sparring with Senba, both clad in dogi, with Tohdoh observing from the side.
"ど~りゃ!" Senba yells as he strikes an overhead blow at Lelouch.
If he wasn't wearing a hood to hide his face, I'd swear he was smirking as he blocks high and then body-checks Senba, pushing the man backwards. Zero instantly goes on the offensive, swords whirling as he tries to randomize his slashes.
It's beautiful...
I rub my breast idly as he is forced back on the defensive by a well-timed parry from Senba, the older man timing his strikes to keep Zero off balance.
"止めろ!" (Stop!)
At Tohdoh's declaration, the two come to a halt, lowering their blades as I flush upon realizing where my hand was.
"Good work, Zero. Your defensive ability is becoming more refined. Senba, your thoughts?"
The older man flicks his shinai to the side as if cleaning off the blood before responding, "I would say your swordsmanship is too aggressive, but from I can observe, that seems to be an inherent characteristic of your style."
Lelouch nods, "It's something of a berserker style. Attaining clarity through filling the void, not by emptying the vessel."
The old man sighs, "Very well. You'll need to hold your passion back more. You get sloppy once your blood is up. I'd prefer to teach you a more tranquil style, but Tohdoh insists that you will not be persuaded to do so."
Lelouch pulls his hood off, making me blink. I assumed he told Tohdoh, but Senba too?
"Not a fucking chance. I like my style; it's perfectly compatible with my personality. I'll get better the hard way, by taking as many hits as I need to until I learn to get it right."
Zero is a swordsman? When did that happen?
I sneak away quietly, pondering this strange facet of my inscrutable boss' personality.
As I lean against a wall in the locker room, I recall a conversation I had a while ago.
I march after CC, ire aroused after that cheap shot she said about Refrain.
"Hey! Get over here, you grass-haired skank!" I yell at her.
She turns to see me, smiles, then skips to the locker rooms, keeping pace just ahead of me.
"You called, Tsundere-chan?" she says with a wink.
"What the fuck was that bullshit about Refrain you mentioned?"
She raises an eyebrow, "You mean that remark about no one caring about Numbers and that's why they won't address the Refrain issue?"
I slap my hand on the locker behind her, palm making the metal ring out as it clatters next to her head.
"My mother is dealing with Refrain addiction, you heartless bitch! Give me one reason I shouldn't deck your unkillable head off!" I yell at her.
She looks at me in surprise a moment, her yellow eyes wide.
"Oh."
I grab her by her straitjacket, eyes blazing with anger.
"Oh? Oh?! OH?! That's all you can say?!"
She caresses my cheek slowly, giving me a sad smile.
I stumble backwards in shock.
"What the hell?!"
"I didn't know. And when I said no one, I meant no one who was in a position to do anything officially, i.e. Britannian, generally speaking. Not everyone is heartless to suffering, Kallen."
I give her a dirty look, fist clenched, "l won't let anyone mock her. My mother has suffered enough in her life. I'm going to help Zero build a place where she can be happy," I say with righteous conviction.
CC smiles with a melancholy look, "You're lucky, you know."
I gape in surprise. What now?
"I haven't had anything like family in a long time. And I have no memory of my mother. That was long ago, back when I was human, instead of an immortal witch...," she whispers.
Aw great, now she's making me feel bad.
Urk! And now she's hugging me?!
"It's a hard thing, being a parent. So often, we hope our children will learn from our mistakes, and choose to be better people than we were."
It's so easy to forget everything she's been through. Everything she's seen.
I sigh as I stroke her hair, "Stop being melodramatic. It's depressing."
And frankly, I like her better when she's snarky and coy.
She looks me in the eyes, a mischievous smile on her lips.
"Lelouch was right about you. You really are a nice girl."
My eyes widen as she kisses me briefly. And I'm strongly tempted to do more than just reciprocate...
She pulls back before I can make a decision either way.
"I can see you're not ready yet. But...if you change your mind?"
And she slowly runs her hand down my stomach, lazily tracing patterns between the legs of my pilot suit.
And all I can do is stand there, shock still, my breath quickening.
"I'll be happy to show you how to enjoy being a woman, Kallen-chan," she whispers in my ear.
I gulp as she saunters out, swaying her hips with a devilish expression.
I shudder as I recall everything about that day awhile ago, not too long after we sent Shirley's dad home.
I don't even know where to begin. I don't like gir—!
I sigh deeply as I slump onto a bench. I'm just lying to myself at this point.
I peel off the sweaty pilot suit, letting my skin breathe.
Yes, I do like girls. Not all girls, but I'm definitely attracted to them.
And...dark-haired purple-eyed pretty boys, apparently.
Goddammit, I am not going to be another lovesick simpleton like that idiot fan club Lulu has over at Ashford!
With a snarl, and what feels like a migraine coming on, I march to the showers, towel wrapped around my body and another towel on my shoulders.
"You just have to make everything complicated, don't you, Lelouch?" I say out loud as I set my toiletries down.
Tch. Complicated, sure. But he was right. He really does get results. People fight and die for him at a word.
It's actually frightening at times...
"Would you ask me to die for your dream if it was the only way to win, Zero?"
The question terrifies me. Because I don't know that I could tell him no...
"Never."
I turn around in shock, cheeks red with embarrassment.
Standing there, a towel wrapped around his...surprisingly toned and cut musculature...is Lelouch.
Did he hear that?!
"What the hell are you—?!"
"I don't ask anyone to die, Kallen."
Whatever I was about to say is cut off as he starts speaking. The truth is...he doesn't need Geass. He never did. It just let him shortcut his plans.
"I don't ask anyone to die for me. What I demand of those who fight under my banners is to live."
My breath catches at the power in his voice, the determination in his presence.
I squeak as he raises my chin up, eyes glinting in the low fluorescent lights.
"And I would never sacrifice those I love."
I grab hold of him, tears leaking from my eyes. Idiot, you don't just say things like that. It's...it's...just not done.
"I have business to handle. We'll talk later, Kallen," he says as he starts to leave after kissing my cheek.
Like hell you get to wind me up like that and leave!
I growl as I grab him, pressing my lips to his as he looks at my red face in surprise.
"You are a moron. A fucking lunatic that I still can't figure out. A sword-brained bloodthirsty psycho with more audacity than common sense."
He quirks an eyebrow upwards, smiling like the cheeky bastard he is.
"And those are my good points."
Argh! Half the time I want to punch him unconscious! The other half...
My hand grabs him by the hair as I kiss him, biting his lip.
"I wasn't finished, asshole," I pant as I break the kiss.
"You're all of that...and you're the man who saved my mother from Refrain addiction. The man who's stopping the terrorism being committed by my people. The man who's doing the impossible."
I blush as I look away, "And the man I'm falling for..."
"めんどくさい な 女…" (Troublesome woman...) he whispers with a sigh. "Can I borrow your phone?"
I blink at the non-sequitur, "Umm, sure?" I say as I go to my locker and then hand it to him.
He fiddles with the buttons a moment, then gently sets the phone down on a ledge.
"Oh yeah I tell you somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I say that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand"
Wait...I know this song. The Beat...something? I can't remember the name. Mom used to like them...
He smiles and puts his hands on my waist as he gently pulls me to him, my cheeks flushed.
"What if someone comes in?!" I hiss at him.
He's unmasked! And more importantly, I'm almost naked!
He nuzzles my cheek as we glide along the locker room floor. For someone so rakish, he's actually pretty graceful when he wants to be.
"Oh please say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand"
"Kallen, there's no one here, as far as I know. It's rather late, close to 10:30pm. And this is the pilot's lockers."
I look away with a huff. He has a point; most of the other pilots don't train nearly as much as I do. Though CC is only a few steps behind me, despite that she barely does anything, the lazy bitch.
"Why are you so crazy?" I say with an exasperated sigh, feeling his hand on my waist as we step slowly to the beat.
"And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feelin' that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide"
He doesn't respond with words, just a flex of his hips and a wink. I must have bad taste. Because I think I like my men a little insane...
"I am crazy. That's not really in dispute. But you know what they say, Q-1: Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin," he whispers with his eyes closed. His shimmering purple hypnotic eyes...
God damn it.
"Yeah, you got that somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I say that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand"
Feeling cloth moving on my leg, I look down, and notice with wide eyes that my towel is slipping off. And his is barely staying on too.
"Hey! Let me fix my—!"
He spins me before I can finish and my towel gently glides to the floor, leaving my toned and firm thighs on display along with my red-haired vagina.
I gulp at the sight of his...flaccid dick? He's not hard?
"And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feelin' that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide"
"It's not like anyone can see. And we've been both seen each other before, so it's not like this is anything new."
He holds me close, dancing slowly, my hands gripping onto his as my face flares red.
"And you're adorable when you're embarrassed," he says with a low voice in my ear.
Is this sexual harassment? Maybe if someone walked in, they'd say that. But...I don't think I mind. Heh, it's funny. I gut-punched him after we saved Suzaku for grabbing my ass. But now?
"Yeah, you got that somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I feel that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand"
I find it flattering. I figured out awhile ago that as much of a perv as Zero acts like? That some of it is an act. He's trying to make himself more approachable.
I look into his eyes...and now I feel mushy and starstruck...and glowing...
Fuck, I guess I really have fallen for him.
"I must be crazy too..." I mutter.
"Oh, am I contagious?"
A flat stare is my response, before I smile shyly. He's really funny when he's not being a megalomaniac.
"No. Because I think I'm actually starting to understand you, Lelouch vi Britannia."
His response is a quick laugh, "Oho! Don't tell anyone else. I enjoy my international man of mystery status," he says with a wink.
I smack him on the shoulder with my palm. Wise ass. Cute one, though...
I gulp seeing that he clearly enjoyed that. Bigger than I expected too...
I want to...but...I don't think I'm ready yet.
"Lelouch...I..."
He looks me in the eyes, and then shrugs, "You're not ready yet. I can tell."
I sigh with relief that he's not going to push it. Because I'm not sure I'd be able to say no...
I must have done that audibly because he's giving me a sad look.
"Kallen...do you really think I'm some kind of monster? A deranged sex maniac who would force himself on you?"
Oh god, how the hell is he doing puppy dog eyes?! His sister, I can believe it, but him?
He sighs deeply before running a hand through his hair, "I admit to being a pervert. I admit to being utterly shameless. And yes, I do have a very high sex drive," he says with a nonchalant shrug.
"However, I always ensure that anyone I'm having fun with is totally on-board with it. And right now? I can tell it wouldn't be fun for you."
He walks over to the sink, bending over to splash his face with cold water. My cheeks flush as I give up trying to hide my gaze and just watch his ass move.
"And if you're not having fun with me? What's the point?" He says as he turns around, cold water dripping from his limp hair.
I gulp as I look at him. He's not even doing anything and I already feel my breath catching. How can someone be so SEXY without trying?!
"I'm sorry, Lelouch. I shouldn't have said that," I say quietly.
It's true. No matter what he's done...he's never made me feel like he would force me. I feel like a heel.
"Kallen."
He gives me a soft smile as he holds up his bag of...that is a LOT of bathing products.
"You have more stuff than I do," I say incredulously.
"If you've got it, flaunt it," he says as he picks up and hands me my towel back.
Narcissistic prick. I give him a smirk, teasing him a bit as I slowly put the towel on.
"Would you like to help me with some of the paperwork after the shower?"
Huh? Really? That's new. He's never asked me that before, "Why?"
His expression turns serious, "Because Q-1, you are intelligent enough to be among, if not the top student at Ashford, despite your absences. And since I'm grooming you for a command position in the future, anyway, you need to learn how to handle it. And part of that is handling logistics and paperwork."
A command position?! Me?!
"What about Tohdoh? Or Ohgi?! I screwed up Akihabara! I can't handle—!"
He slaps his palm on the locker near me, purple eyes turning icy as his gaze narrows.
"Ohgi and I already spoke to you about this after the battle. You performed to an exemplary degree given the circumstances. Ohgi agrees with me, and Tohdoh will likely second my decision after he's satisfied that you're serious about it. That is, IF you are willing to step up and do so?"
"What if I have to make a decision that gets people killed again?" I whisper.
He nods slowly, "Now you know how I feel every time I plan an operation. And you'll do what I do. Trust in your subordinates to do the best they can, and do everything in your power to make sure they come back alive."
Wow...if you have that much faith in me?
I stand to a military salute, cerulean orbs meeting his amethyst ones, "Sir, I'm ready to learn how to be a commander! Please take care of me!"
Then I can't let you and everyone else down.
He smiles and pats me on the shoulder, "Good. Shower up and come to my office. This is unfortunately going to be an all-nighter, so we're going to be busy."
I nod, determined to prove myself to him. Aw shit, tomorrow we have school. Fuck, I'm going to be a zombie in the morning. I grimace thinking about classes tomorr—What the hell?!
I gasp at the feeling of Lelouch's hand on my ass, kneading the glute muscles. When did his grip get so strong...
I elbow him, as I blush at how good it felt, "Hey! What happened to not forcing me?!"
"I'm not. This is just my normal flirting. And you clearly were enjoying yourself."
Yes, that's true. But dammit, you're going to listen to me one way or the other!
"Fine! Yes, I was enjoying it," I say with a brilliant flush on my face.
"But I want you and CC to cut it out for awhile. Just...give me time."
"Okay."
"Because I— wait what?"
He moves to a shower stall and starts washing up, "I'll tell CC to cut it out and I'll tone down the flirting. That's what you wanted, right?"
I blink at how simple that was, "That's it? That's all I had to say?"
He turns around, soap dripping off his torso, "Correct."
I let out a deep breath, feeling foolish. I like him a lot, and I'm pretty sure I like CC too. So why am I so nervous about going further?!
Because I'm scared.
The idea of sex, of letting my guard down, of letting someone in after losing so much...oh my god.
I look at him horrified as suddenly something clicks for me. That's what happened to him too. He lost his mother, his home, cast out by his father, his sister crippled.
I sit down, seeing him in an entirely different light.
"Lelouch...does it ever stop hurting?"
He looks back at me, a melancholy expression on his face, "Does what?"
"Losing people, losing your place in the world..."
He quietly shampoos his hair, not responding for a moment.
"Lelouch—?"
"Could you scrub my back, Kallen? I'll answer your question, it's just not a subject I like talking about," he says quietly.
I nod as I gently lay my towel down, grabbing my scrub brush and shampoo.
He stands there, silent as the water cascades off both of us. I lather up the brush and start working on his back.
"It doesn't really. Some pain never goes away entirely. But you fill the void with things. People, a new place for yourself, lovers, passions, whatever makes you feel whole."
That's...that's so sad. I lean against him, arms around his torso as my breasts push against his shoulder blades, "Are you ever happy?"
He turns around in my arms, pulling me close, his eyes shimmering with emotion.
"Sometimes no. But no one can be happy all the time. But?"
He kisses me gently and then strokes my hair, "I find making the ones I love happy gives me satisfaction."
I was totally wrong about him. He's so much more than he appears to be on the surface.
"Lelouch...after we take this country back...can we go on a date?"
His lips curl up slightly, "Anything you want, just ask."
I kiss him as I hold his head, "And maybe...if we feel up to it...we'll see what happens."
His response is a breathy moan, "Ahh, you are a terrible tease, you know that?"
I giggle, "I'm not trying to be, you perv. I...just want my first time to be special..."
The black-haired fallen prince nods and starts washing my back.
Not the evening I planned on, but? This feels right.
"Thanks for listening, Lulu," I whisper as I enjoy him working the soap into my back.
"I like to think I'm pretty good at it. And you won't be thanking me when you see the paperwork we have to deal with," he says jokingly.
Even if we end up being up all night like he said? I think it will have been worth it to see past some of his masks for once.
