Chapter Twenty
As soon as Sara got out of her car, she knew that this was going to be a mass memorial. It almost seemed as if the entire city had gathered in the sanctuary to pay their last respects to the victims of The Boulevard explosion. She felt a pang of guilt at having kept herself from interacting with Lily or Nancy in the last couple of days. She realized she should have tried helping. It was the least she could have done for Catherine.
"Sara." Sofia Curtis had to jostle against a crowd to reach her.
Sara could only manage a nod. This was not the time for exchanging pleasantries. Sofia took her by the elbow and led her towards a quieter area. She didn't protest. Her head was indeed paining looking at the number of people present. A path curved around a marble fountain. By the looks of the dried leaves scattered on the stoned floor, Sara guessed it wasn't a regularly used passage.
"How are you doing?" Sofia quietly asked.
"I've had better days." Sara admitted.
They walked past trimmed vines curling around sticks to form a tall, green wall. Sara could hear a melancholy tune being played on the strings of the violin. An alcove was built on top of a flowing pond and the women walked through it. On the other side, it opened out into a large area. Sara could make out Lily conversing with a couple of women in the distance. She recognized Ecklie and Sheriff Brackett. But she could see no signs of Lindsay or the other CSIs.
However, just as she emerged amongst them, she was disconcerted by the odd looks the people threw her way. She had hardly begun understanding, when Sam Braun stepped right in front of her.
"What do you think you are doing here?" He glowered.
"What… what do you mean?" She stammered in confusion.
"For God's sake, Sara, did you have to come here and spoil this too?"
"What are you talking about?"
Sofia, who was now standing by her side, placed a hand on Sam's shoulders. "Mr. Braun, maybe we shouldn't create a scene." She told him calmly.
He looked at her as if she was mad. "I am the one who's creating a scene? What do you think she's doing, coming here with all these families and media reporters waiting?"
"I can handle the press." Sara returned defiantly.
"Oh, sure you can. You have absolutely nothing to lose, after all. But there are respectable people out here, Sidle."
"What you think makes no difference to me." She tried to push her way past Sam but he solidly stood his ground.
"I didn't think it would. How about if Lily tells you the same thing?"
Just as Sara was getting over her shock, he called for Lily to accompany them. The woman looked drawn and weary. No amount of makeup could hide the shadows under her eyes or the tightness at the corners of her lips.
"Tell Sara that she's not needed here." Sam almost ordered.
Lily was looking down. "Sara, he's right. It's best for you to leave."
"What?" Sara gasped. "How can you ask me this? I'm here for your daughter."
"If it was just about Catherine, we would have tolerated you. But not when the families of other victims are present too." Lily wrung her hands together. "Leave, Sara."
Sara felt anger rising in her throat. "Tolerate me? All these months have you just been tolerating me, Lily? And why should the families of other victims have a problem with me?"
Sofia, who was witnessing the exchange get heated every second, asked gently. "Sara, have you watched the news recently?"
"What has that…" Sara turned to glare at her when she noticed the dead seriousness in the detective's eyes. She took a deep breath and shook her head.
"Figures." Sam murmured wryly. "Maybe you should have. You would have saved us all a lot of trouble and kept your face hidden."
Sara's fury was only topped by her perplexity. She looked at each of them, willing them to tell her what was going on. Finally, she voiced the question.
"Sara, we have seen everything. The people have seen everything. We know about you, Courtney Andrews and the fact that you are a suspect." Lily answered.
"What?" Sara moved back as if she had been hit. "How?"
"It's all over the news."
Sara slowly turned towards Sofia. "You. You people informed the press?" She asked in disbelief. "How could you?"
"No, it wasn't me or any of Grissom's people. But it's probably someone from the department." Sofia confessed regretfully. "We thought you already saw the news."
"Great. This is just freaking awesome." The brunette clenched her fists together, trying to swallow the lumps of tears.
"But, surely, Mrs. Flynn, Sara can still attend…" Sofia feebly began.
"No, she can't." Lily's adamancy both stunned and hurt Sara deeply. "If she comes in here, the media is going to go crazy chasing her. I don't even want to talk about what the other families would be feeling. It's best if she stays away."
Sofia felt intensely sorry for Sara but she had to concede that Lily had a point. There is going to be utter outrage if Sara enters the main sanctuary. A memorial, supposed to be conducted in reverent silence, would now become a live circus. She was helpless at the unfairness of the situation.
"My daughter suffered a terrible and undeserved demise." Sam's eyes were narrowed. "And you could very well be the cause. The least you could do is grant her some respect on this day."
Sara opened her mouth to protest when she saw Lindsay. The girl had noticed her too.
"I want to speak with Lindsay."
"No!" He snapped. "She's going through a lot. The last thing she needs is for you to be here."
"I have to speak to her." Sara wished she could sound firmer, but all she mustered was a faint squeak. "I'll go away, just allow me to talk to Lindsay."
"Lindsay saw the news." Lily's tiredly spoke.
Every bit of hope was crumbling for Sara. She kept her eyes on the girl but at that distance she couldn't read her expression. She could only pray it wasn't resentment. "She saw the news? She saw everything?"
"Can you imagine what the little child must have been through?" Sam pursed his lips. "Do her a favor and spare her anymore pain."
Sara's ache rose in her chest to suffocate. Sofia raised a hand to placate her, but she pushed it away. With every passing moment, it seemed she had no one left in her life. The meager relationships that she had made and cherished were tearing apart right in front of her. There was only one thing she could do. There was only one thing Sara Sidle did when hurt was the only thing left inside her. Without another word, she turned to run. She didn't know where she went, she didn't care who she collided against, and she just ran.
She was still running when she got into her car and turned on the ignition. The traffic lights, the vehicles plying on the asphalt, the road signs, all blurred into obscurity. She registered nothing until she saw the Parisian styled structure of Le Boulevard. Her car slowly maneuvered through the narrow streets towards the shopping center. Weekend shoppers were far less than the usual, as was expected after the bomb attack. Sara slid towards the parking lot. The crime scene tapes were gone and construction workers had already started the repairing process. The managers surely didn't want to lose any more business than they already had. Sara parked at some distance. She dug into her pockets to procure her CSI badge. She had almost not brought it with her, but now she was glad she did. It would give her access into this otherwise restricted section.
Catherine had assumed correctly. The food, they were bringing her, was drugged and causing the sluggishness in her brain. To test her hypothesis, she hadn't touched the pizza they brought for lunch. Sure enough, she felt much better and was improving by the minute. She also found it strange that she saw none of the captors again but there was always food promptly delivered on the table. It could only mean one thing. They knew when she was sleeping and took that opportunity. That meant that her every move was being watched.
She walked around a little while, trying to come up with a plan. In the few minutes of consciousness that she had enjoyed, she had realized that her room was most likely built in a basement. There were wooden stairs inconspicuously tucked in a far corner. More than once, she had heard footsteps thumping on them through the haze in her mind. A basement room meant no windows and therefore no way of knowing where she was. The vents were too high for her to reach and the bed and the one chair was too low to be useful. Her only route of escape was through the door at the top of the stairs. But she didn't doubt that the place would be guarded. Then there was the problem of the camera. She couldn't see where they were hidden and didn't try to find them either. She didn't want them to think that their little scheme had been discovered. The less they thought of her intelligence, the easier it would be for her to surprise them. It also meant that she couldn't avoid not eating for too long. They would definitely realize something was amiss.
Catherine gave her bed a passing glance. During the times when they came to deliver food, they also provided her with fresh clothes and emptied the garbage. The cooling system was turned on to moderate, just enough for comfort. It was obvious that they wanted her to remain cozy. She was beginning to understand that hurting her was not part of their plan. In fact, for some reason, their best interests lay in keeping her away from any kind of distress.
She remembered seeing a women's shaving kit in the bathroom closet. She wondered if they had installed cameras there and shuddered at the thought. But right then, she needed one place where she could cut herself without being immediately noticed and therefore rescued before the injury got serious.
She sat down in front of the television. What she was going to do would require a lot of consideration. But before that, she needed to see the news and comprehend what the situation was before taking any drastic steps. She turned on the TV.
He had called out Sara's name a couple of times but she hadn't stopped running. She crashed against him, but continued on, unaware of his presence. When he saw a very pale Sofia trailing further behind, he knew something terrible had happened.
"What the hell's going on?" He demanded to know.
Sofia related to him the entire conversation that took place between Sara, Sam Braun and Lily. He would have relished walking over to Sam and giving him a piece of his own mind. But he knew that right then Sara needed him more. Muttering to Sofia to keep things under control, he paced after Sara. He saw her start her car and panic gripped him. He wasted no time in getting into his own SUV. His adrenaline levels spiked as he followed her across the busy streets of Vegas. The Sara he knew wasn't suicidal or even self-destructive. But the series of recent events were enough to depress anyone.
To his relief, she was driving within the speed limits and didn't seem to be taking any dangerous chances. However, when she swerved on towards the Boulevard shopping plaza, he felt a familiar sense of unease. He wasn't entirely sure that her revisiting the explosion site in this state of mind was a good idea.
He saw her dark form walk atop the dirt piles towards one of the construction workers. They quickly conversed and one of the workers directed her a look of annoyance. But the authority of the badge won and she entered past the orange fence. He mimicked her route and flashed his identity in front of the workers. They gave him a look that wavered somewhere between irritation and curiosity.
He found Sara in a relatively isolated area, which also happened to be the region with maximum devastation, the core of the explosion. She was on her knees; her fingers were sifting through the dirt.
"Sara." He announced his presence.
"Grissom, what are you doing here?" She sounded neither surprised nor angry.
Grissom lowered himself to the same level as hers. "I was worried about you so I followed you."
She cast him a strange glance before once again looking downwards. "As you see, I'm fine. You can leave me alone now."
"I've come here to take you back. You have every right to be there and I'll make sure that's what happens."
Sara shook her head. "I don't want to fight them, Grissom. I can't fight them. Everyone thinks I'm responsible. I won't able to see the repulsion in their eyes. Seeing it in Lily's was more than enough for me."
"No one thinks you are responsible." He firmly stated. "What is being circulated in the media is just hearsay."
"You think anyone cares about the truth?"
"I do."
She sighed. "People are not like you. They hardly look beyond their immediate prejudices and judgments."
"Then they are wrong. And if they are wrong, why should you care about them?"
Sara picked up a fistful of dirt and brought it close to her face. "How do you know they are wrong? You, who always follow the evidence, believe in nothing else."
"Evidences do not lie, human beings falter. I know you are innocent, but we are yet to find evidence to support you. That doesn't mean it's not there."
She gave a dry chuckle. "I bet you don't say all that in any of your seminars."
Grissom had a far-away expression. "I've been here for so long and interpreting the evidence according to science has always been my motto. But the human element is far from unscientific. If I trust in you, it's hardly without grounds."
Sara remained silent for a while. Whether thinking about what he just said or just absorbing the feel of the place, Grissom wasn't sure. However, she turned to him and he saw her wipe a stray tear with the back of her hand.
"How do you do this, Grissom? Every time that I want to run away, you manage to stop me. How do you do this?"
He knew she was referring to the countless occasions at the beginning when she had almost returned to San Francisco.
"Because I needed you and because I knew that eventually the team will need you too."
Sara faintly smiled. "Do you remember how much Catherine hated me initially? Gosh, did I have problems with her. For so long we could hardly stand each other."
"I admit those days were very interesting." He teased, which earned him a playful scoff from Sara. He then wrapped an arm loosely around her slumped shoulder. "You are a part of us and even if it's going to take us everything to fight for you, we will."
Sara slowly laid her head on his chest. He patted her and she drew closer, snuggling to his jacket for comfort.
Unbeknownst to them, a man was capturing their friendly intimacy on camera. Sara Sidle was the new media darling and he knew that these pictures would bring him a hefty sum and secure him a long-craved entry into the biggies.
