Chapter 35) Suck it Up
.-.-.
Maria had never been behind the fabric border that split Watery Lane into two before. It dawned on her where all the buzz and voices came from during the daytime as she stepped behind the curtains. A few Blinder men were already working and side-eyed her as she slowly walked towards Tommy's office. Facing her employer had been keeping her up all night.
During the dark hours her mind kept drifting, fixing their drunken kiss in a picture frame, over and over. She was able to push all emotions out of her memory, his overwhelming closeness, her wanton reaction towards his body heat and touch. Her mind won over her heart, because she couldn't bear to allow herself to feel.
It was wrong, it shouldn't have happened. That wasn't like her, pressing her lips onto his, asking for more. It had been the alcohol, the blur of living in the moment, Ada's bad influence.
Whatever it was, she wasn't to blame.
For some reason she felt tainted, dirtier than she felt during her first night at the Shepherd, in which Tommy forced her down like the whore she'd surely be turned into if he hadn't saved her. During that night, those minutes of raw body contact, heat and touch, he'd been the one taking action. Tommy had taken initiative, with no other agenda than to teach her an important lesson. It had been physical no-doubt, but without any lust or need.
Unlike the events that happened in her bedroom.
The worst part was Tommy knew she'd been lying yesterday in the ally. She'd seen it in his eyes, loathing.
Halfheartedly she wished she'd been honest and had begged for his forgiveness. Use all the excuses she could think of, blame the alcohol, blame Ada, blame this damned city. At least then, she'd been able to plead that maybe he could forget her outrageous behavior.
But now she was a slut and a lair. Tommy had all the right to loathe and despise her.
She expected him to fire her on the spot, which was why she was taking so long to reach his office. He could kick her and her family out of their home in a blink of an eye; he wouldn't even need to get his hands dirty, John would gladly do it for him.
"Polly said you needed me at your office," Maria muttered, awkwardly fidgeting in the doorway.
Tommy's dark mood was still full on display. Slouched in a chair, the pen he was twirling between his fingers paused. He looked ragged, even though he'd donned himself in a fresh outfit. Impatiently, he motioned for her to sit down in front of his desk. While doing so, he kept their eye contact to a minimal, staring back down at the pile of papers.
Maria dug her fingernails into her palms, this was worse than yesterday. She partially wished that he would drag her over the desk and slap her across the face, spit on her just like her uncle Walter had done and tell her to never set foot in his house again. Anything was better than just sitting there and waiting for the inevitable to happen.
With a one way ticket to the poorhouse gnawing at the back of her mind, Tommy took her completely by surprise when he nudged his head towards a typewriter and signed: Do you know how to use with that?
"I've typed some pages at our local church before a Sunday service once or twice," she answered apprehensively.
I'll take that as a yes, Tommy signed with his gaze down casted towards the papers, type this over twice, no mistakes and bound by the end of the day.
Before she had time to respond, Tommy tossed the pile of papers in front of her.
"These are notes from your medical file," Maria blurted shocked as Tommy started to get up from his chair.
Tommy tsked and reached for his coat, ignoring her statement. Drumming his fingers on the papers, he pulled the thick fabric of his coat over his shoulders.
I don't pay you to ask questions, two copies, no mistakes, bound by the end of the day.
Looking passed her, he dropped a letter on top of the pile, I need this posted before this afternoon.
Maria's eyes flickered from her newly assigned desk up to her employer in a fruitless attempt to read his face. Nothing more than a dark cloud of skepticism met her gaze.
Unless you've got any wild plans, we're going to Amsterdam next week, Tommy bluntly informed her.
"Amsterdam?!" Maria exclaimed, feeling her blood run cold, "why in the world do you need to go to Amsterdam?"
But Tommy had already walked passed her, uninterested in answering her question or wave her goodbye.
.-.-.
It didn't come to surprise when Ada pushed herself into view the moment Maria left Watery Lane. The sassy young woman announced she needed to go shopping for fabrics and could use a hand, because she wasn't the type of girl who did the heavy lifting all by herself.
This, of course, was a direct order wrapped in a little finesse.
The shopping took less time than Maria thought it would and with hardly a basket full of scarves and thin silk, Ada stated that they could use a break.
Their break turned out to be a late afternoon coffee break.
"Order whatever you want, my treat," Ada cheered, sinking down onto a wooded booth, "take a muffin too, you seem like the type of girl who has a sweet tooth." The Shelby girl ran her eyes over the menu, "I can also recommend the sponge cake or lemon-"
"-Ada, why are we here and why are you being so nice to me?" Maria interrupted her tablemate and earned a scoff, "we both know we're not friends, not really."
Ada became uncharacteristically quiet and scrunched up her nose.
"It's because of Polly right?" Maria pressed, knowing that her words had such clear effect, "she hates me and doesn't trust me. Once we're done talking here, you'll go straight to her and report every word that came out of my mouth."
Ada's silence spoke volumes. With a piercing stare and her trademark pout she muttered: "And I thought you were too gullible."
"I was, but I'm a fast learner," Maria retorted briefly, "if I may be so blunt. You are a Shelby by blood; no-one in this city is foolish enough to get cross with you. But me, I'm a working-girl with a deaf mother and two younger sisters. I don't matter at all. And my family is an easy target. All I have is the title of being Tommy Shelby's speaker. If I lose that, I'll lose everything. I was on Tommy's good side," she gulped; her throat felt bone dry because she knew what was at stake and how easily it was to screw everything up, "you ruined that for me Ada. Because you got me drunk and made me make a complete fool of myself."
Reading Ada's face, she noticed the deep crease between the other girl's brows. Underneath the table, she clasped her hands together and silently begged that Ada wouldn't start asking questions.
"So please, help me fix it."
The guilt ridden girl frowned deeper and seemed uncomfortable by the blame that had been laid upon her shoulders. Maria thanked the lord Ada didn't ask her how exactly she made a fool out of herself as the young woman started to speak: "Alright, alright, I'll help you out, but just this once," Ada caved in, "Polly will murder me in cold blood if she finds out I'm helping you out. So see this as a business arrangement, since we both agree Tommy is our main concern." A moan frustration escaped the back of Ada's throat as she raised her index finger.
"First lesson of my class on 'how to deal with Tommy Shelby' do not address the subject," she dramatically tapped her index finger on the tip of Maria's nose, "let him simmer, let him gut you to the bone, but whatever you do, don't try to be a civil human being and press him into communicating. Once he feels like he's treated you like shit long enough, you'll be off the hook. He won't forget nor forgive, his pride won't allow that. But he'll act like nothing ever happened and pick back up from where it started before you fucked it up. That's how my dearest older brother works and pigs will fly before he changes."
Maria was taking in every word, "And how long will I be treated poorly?"
"A day, a week, a year, a decade," Ada summed up, "depending on his mood, the weather, the fucking stars for all I know. He's my brother and I love him to death, but he's the thickest of all of us. The complete opposite of an open book, he's more of a diary with an iron padlock, stored inside a chest, locked up in a castle with a fire breathing dragon on guard, type of person. Don't take it personal, it's who he is and it's how he deals with things."
Ada's cooperation seemed to reach its limits as she waved to a waitress.
"In short, clench your teeth suck it up and eventually he'll let you off the hook."
.-.-.
Tommy couldn't recall the last time he'd spent so many hours at a brothel. Ai booked him one of her sisters, or cousins. Didn't matter much, they all looked alike and to him they only fulfilled one purpose. Sex, a meaningless pity fuck to get the edge off, get some tension out of his system. It worked, for both of them. He paid a random nameless Chinese git to lie on her back for half an hour so he could fuck every bit of his feelings away. And if that didn't do the charm, there was the Whiskey at either the Garrison or the Shepherd. Or, if his raging meddling thoughts got the best of him, the pipe underneath his pillow.
He hadn't used opium for a while, but needed the anesthetic bliss more and more. During the day, he was preoccupied with business, with his master plan ready to unfold. But the nights kept him up, because sleep meant dreams and dreams meant nightmares. He'd been able to cope with those; their impact hadn't made him piss his bed, or made him resort back to sleeping in the stables.
But ever since Maria's cold rejection, other memories had bubbled up to torture him. Alongside the shoveling inside his head, there were the voices of his mother and father, dwelling on about the fact that he wasn't good enough. Not worthy of love, affection. That he was nothing more than a worthless, mute son of a bitch. That his family thought this too, and only kept him around for his gift, to manage their business.
In order to be the silent backbone of his family, he needed to be resourceful, cold hearted, swift and clear headed. He needed to be the complete opposite of the person he was at the core, a caretaker. His inherent skill of reading emotions was mainly used to target those who opposed them and use it to his advantage.
It was what he was good at, reading and understanding people and tearing them apart strictly for profit.
At this point, he figured that was all he was good for, the serpent of the family, ready to sink his teeth into someone's skin and letting his poison spread.
Who, in their right mind, would want to be with a person whose main goal is to systematically manipulate the lives of others? He used to do that with words but when his voice failed him he picked himself up from the ground and coached other people to do the dirty work for him.
Yes, it was a great accomplishment that within a month, he was back in the game and their family business was booming.
But at what cost? His aunt did not trust his judgement, he'd nearly started a gang war and he'd lost the one chance he had to sway the only woman in Small Heath who didn't see him as the handicapped offspring of Arthur Sr.
But he'd clench his teeth, take the pain of losing and get back in the saddle, well get in between the thighs of a mediocre Chinese prostitute. Main thing was, he'd manage. He'd use everything in arms reach to keep his mind from drifting further apart, even if it meant he was back to using women and the pipe. And snow, whiskey and an occasional outburst of violence.
He'd force himself to keep going, pretend to be Arthur's advisor, while plotting out his masterpiece. It was the only thing he had going for himself, a legacy for his kin if he happened to go to sleep and never wake up.
It was bearable to be around his speaker, because he forced himself to be heartless and disrespectful, to the point where he was throwing orders at her like she was nothing more than a working class git that happened to work for him.
She took it all with a cautious downturned gaze and retorted back with a 'yes Mr. Shelby, no Mr. Shelby'. Her lack of words, submissive demeanor and silence made their relationship clear, he was her boss and she was merely his employee.
It made him more at ease that she no longer acted like she cared for him. He'd routinely point out her flaws in her work, gave her shitty meaningless tasks that were clearly over her head and raged at her for fucking it up. He'd placed her out in the open, but in view of his office. He'd kept an eye on her, as she stared dazedly at the paperwork, biting on a pen, while her nails drummed nervously down on her desk. Polly was obviously cruel to her too, berating her for taking a break or bombarding her with equally shitty tasks, dropping down piles of paper to be ordered. If Tommy wasn't making Maria's days hard enough, Polly surely was.
What made his skin crawl was the fact that she accepted her fate. She'd taken on the role as quiet of office assistant and allowed her superiors to trample her to the ground.
Tommy briefly wondered why she accepted her role as a scapegoat, as he watched her being pushed aside by Polly for standing in her way. Files and papers fell onto the floor like leaves. Quickly, she kneeled down, picking up the mess she unintentionally made; ears red and knuckles white.
His eyes drifted off towards his aunt who was staring at the distressed young woman kneeling on the floor. Pol was obviously pleased with herself, her dark eyes smoldering with glee and satisfaction.
For a moment, their eyes met as Maria got back on her feet, but he broke it off and turned back towards his papers. A long, deep sigh escaped the back of his throat as he rubbed his tired eyes. He shouldn't allow his aunt to tear his speaker down, but he lacked the energy to get into an argument with her. Let her have her revenge on Maria, whatever grudge she held against the young woman, it might be good to let it all out.
And he would be lying if he didn't find some twisted kind of gratitude in Polly's tyrannical behaviour.
It wasn't right, the way he handled her rejection, but he was like a dog with a bone, he couldn't let this go. He also refused to allow her to see the wounds she ripped open. It didn't stop the pus from oozing out. His lips seemed to burn every time he looked at her. Although the maybe was fully dead and silenced, he couldn't change what he wanted.
.-.-.
"I've put all your files in alphabetical order," Tommy's head shot up from his desk and he banged his knees against the underside of his desk.
Maria visibly shrank as she watched how she had startled her employer, "I'm sorry I've disturbed you, I just thought you'd like to know that I'm done with my tasks."
Tommy groaned, rubbing his hands over his aching kneecaps. His eyes fluttered down towards his pocket watch and he noticed that it was well past ten. He'd dozed off for more than two hours. He had hardly slept at night which was probably why his mind and body had started to take its toll.
He groaned again, his limbs aching from being in such an awkward position. Stretching his back and arms, he noticed Maria's pleading gaze.
"Can I go home now?" Her gaze passed him and fixated onto the window, "everyone else is gone, it's rather late and I should have been home before dark."
Tommy copied her and stared out of the window. A moonless black night had fallen over Small Heath.
Was he going to let her be a lamb heading for the slaughter house, or did a little bit of mercy still exist inside his black heart?
I'll walk you home, he signed with clear aversion.
Maria cringed, "you don't have to, I can walk by myself."
Like hell you will, at night you're an easy target, without spilling another word, Tommy took his coat from the hall stand and motioned her towards the exit.
The cold hit him like a fist to the face and he cursed the reverence he still held for the young woman. The void between the pair of them was immense, although she was in arm's reach.
A few weeks ago, he'd been willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, die for her. It all felt like decades ago.
"Can I please be excused from your trip to Amsterdam?" Maria hesitantly started, "I haven't told my mum yet, I've tried to, but I know it'll upset her tremendously. I've never been overseas and… I'm sure there is someone more suitable that can take my place."
Tommy paused and Maria stopped behind him. Slowly he spun on his heels so he was facing her.
Maria winced back as if she expected to be slapped in the face and that wound him up.
You do whatever I tell you to do and if you don't, you and your gorger family can get the fuck out of my house, he informed her cold and vicious, next Friday you'll be dressed up properly, with a suitcase for a weekend and expected at the ground floor of your apartment. There me and Arthur will pick you up at six and head towards Harwich.
"But what do I tell my mum? What if I get seasick?" Maria exclaimed dejectedly with panic-stricken hiccups in between her words.
I don't see how that's any of my concern, Tommy informed her coldly, now start walking, I'm taking you back to that pigsty you call home.
.-.-.
A/N Well, the biggest asshole award goes to… and Polly is a good second. So our three musketeers are heading towards Amsterdam. Now what could possibly go wrong there, in the city of the damned? And in cause you're wondering, no Tommy isn't going to simply burst into the Cocainefabriek and demand a deal. No, of course not, he's the man with a plan. Posh, policies, tact and well blunt lying lay within the future. Along with chaos, turmoil and possibly some events that might spark things back up.
Next update might take some time, I'm off computer access for about a week.
Xoxox Nukyster
