A/N: Sorry for the relatively late update, and thanks for all the reviews! This one continues from drabble 21.
Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.
Drabble 23: In Which Greed 1/2 Reflects, A Cat Joins the Crew, And Many People Freak Out
"...Oh god, I feel like Envy."
"Greed, maybe you should step away from the mirror now." The Homunculus ignored Dorchet, his--her eyes riveted to the reflection. He--She had checked that the whole body followed all of the mental commands...but it still felt like he was in a stranger. She.
Damn, this was too weird.
"What do you mean you feel like her?"
"Eh?" Greed turned toward Al, but the action made him--her recognize how much the new hair flapped around; the sensation was interesting, so the Homunculus busied herself with moving it around some more, tossing her head back and forth, side to side, all the while listening to the younger Elric, who apparently ignored the Sin's otherwise queer behavior. (Perhaps because the whole situation was queer. Also, the boy had to admit, his hormones were as active as Ed's when it came to this female Greed...he just possessed more control, as usual.)
"You said you feel like the Envy woman."
"...Al, Envy's a guy." (God, the voice was too...there was no word for it.)
"...JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU SERIOUS!" His hormones may've been active, but that didn't change Fullmetal's shrillness.
"She's really a he?" Questioned the armored boy quietly, to which Roah and Dorchet and Martel nodded firmly. Ed looked as if he were about to puke. Greed continued playing with the hair.
"...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THAT!" The boy's golden eyes were practically crawling out of their skull. And Greed did indeed pause in the hair-flapping, if only out of surprise.
"I THOUGHT YOU'D BE A LITTLE MORE DISTURBED BY BEING TURNED INTO A FREAKIN' GIRL!" The Homunculus stared at Mr. Shrimp Alchemist as he breathed harshly from his outburst.
"I'm just trying to be calm about this Ed."
"YOU'RE A WOMAN GREED!"
"And who's fault is that, Brother?" Al actually looked scary.
"What kind of alchemy experiment were you messing with?" The Sin put in quickly, hoping to stop the younger brother from crushing the older brother.
"I was--uh, well, I was...looking for a way to ease PMS."
"..." That went for everyone for a while.
"...I knew it Fullmetal, you are a girl under those clothes, aren't you?" Mocked the Homunculus, and Ed heatedly replied--did not scream, so points for him--"It's for Winry, damn it."
"...Brother, that sounds a little like stepping on the toes of God."
"No offense Al, but you've never gone through cramps..."
"I know Martel, but..."
"Well, at least there were no missing limbs or bodies this time around," Greed replied brightly, and Roah replied just as bluntly, "No, only a sex change."
"Anyway," Dorochet snapped gruffly, his left eye beginning to twitch a little. "How could Greed turn into a girl just from some alchemy wanting to fix PMS? It seems a little...out there. Too much of a stretch..." (The dog chimera muttered quietly to himself, "It definitely ranks a 10 on my Weird Shit-O-Meter...")
"...I'm not really sure--"
"You better get sure--"
"I know Martel, I know--"
"I'll help Brother investigate--"
"MEOW!"
"...Kitty!"
"Damn it Al!" Growled Ed, finally remembering the feline who was still locked in the basement. "This is all that stupid cat's fault! What were you thinking, bringing it inside! We've been through this before, we don't have the resources to care for a--"
"Ed, I brought the kitten inside," the Homunculus said smoothly as he--she strolled to the door and unlocked it, calling the feline to her, and soon a bundle of white fur rushed into her arms. "You know it's raining, and it was all alone outside and soaking wet..." Greed faded off as she stroked the cat, making it purr loudly.
"...You brought this on yourself."
"Ed, you were the one doing the experiment--"
"I know, damn it!" A tired sigh. "Let's get to work." And with a grunt, Fullmetal descended into the basement first, followed by Al, Roah, Dorochet, Martel, and finally Greed, with the kitten perched on her head; the chimeras could only stare at their boss as he--she decided to christen the cat 'Buffy;' Al just complimented the name; and all Ed could do was marvel at how the Homunculus could name a kitten when he just had his whole body turned inside out.
A/N: The Buffy name is such a reference to Whedon's vampire series. Also, always thought that Greed had a soft spot for kitties just as Al does.
