A/N: Oh! Sorry about the late update! But I'm back! Yes I know; I torture Ed quite a bit in my fics, but only for the sake of the plot! It'll get better for him, promise! For the next err…let's say two three chapters, Ed is going to be tortured physically and mentally. This is a warning! Oh and one of my reviewers asked what 'to break' or 'broken' meant. I just means that someone has diminished someone else's will to carry on or their will to fight back…or at least that's what I think, I could be wrong. Oh and they also asked about Roy.

…you'll see in later chapters.

On a random note: I have ANOTHER fanfic that I'm thinking about making. Lately I've been thinking about this weird pairing ...Heiderich x Pride!Ed. Why? Because a friend of mine and I were role playing on AIM, and we just happened to make up this pairing. The more we added, the more I started to say 'wow...they're really cute together...' So I'm thinking about make a fanfic; AU of course. I have a pretty good idea about what I want to do (it's going to be a romance story), but I'm not sure about how other people will take the pairing...I guess it's one of those 'love it or hate it' kinds of things, but oh well. Please tell me what you think!

Warnings: Restricting ones self, presents, and thoughts of suicide


Entry #3
Closed curtains blocked out the sun, making it so the room was nearly pitch black. He didn't want to see it; it would only remind him of what he had and what he had lost. No…he didn't want to remember the 'happy times'. He didn't want to have any recollection of anything having to do with that time. He wanted to die and he finally found a way to. The blonde was barely holding onto reality, he wasn't sure how much longer he could believe that the world around him was full of 'good people'. His perception on life was nothing but grim, showing him that nothing but pain could come from life. Death would be such an easy escape. Yes, he knew the people around him would stop him. They always found a way to. Edward had many thought about suicide; it was something that took up most of his day. Hanging himself would be take far too long, which also went along with strangulation. An overdose on sedatives would be too hard, the employees kept those under heavy lock and key. Cutting himself would be next; getting his hands on surgical knife would be easy. The problem with that was the mess he'd leave behind. So he went for the next best thing...downing himself.

The blond had come upon this idea when he was finally found in the Time Out Room. It had taken the employees hours to figure out that he had even left his room. Once found he was wrapped in a very rough blanket and put into a wheelchair. As he was wheeled back to his room he had over heard one of the male employees talking about alcohol. He didn't hear theentire conversation, but he did however hear a phrase that replayed itself over and over again in his head.

Drown your sorrows

So here he was in the bathroom, watching as the water in the bathtub rose. The blonde sat fully clothed in the tub and waited. He saw no point in taking his clothes off, and he would rather be found clothed instead of naked. He didn't like seeing himself naked, simply because he hated his body. Over the years his usually tan skin had turned pale for the lack of sun. His hair had become far too long, it was starting to touch is lower back. He never bothered with it, never putting it into any sort of style. He had forgotten his original reason for keeping it like this long, but he knew it had something to do with Envy…Did he feel the need to please him? That couldn't have been it…but if that as the reason, why would he want to please his brother? It was just Envy after all.

Edward allowed his mind to wonder, hoping it would lead him to the answer. This was deeply troubling to him. The blonde didn't want to have any emotions toward anything, but something was forcing him to…feel. Why after all these year was this starting to happen? He had been so quiet, so lifeless, and so mediocre, why was it all starting to come apart? Could it be that Envy was doing thisto him? Were the memories of his brother starting to unlock something that the blonde fought so hard to hide? Edward leaned against the back of the bathtub and began to slide his way down into the water. The water was freezing so he began to shake. The blonde took in a deep breath and completely submerged himself in the water. He wrapped his arms around himself as he began to tremble more. He wanted the cold to numb him so that there was no pain. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, letting go of the air that he had left. Just as he let out his last breath, he heard the faint sound of a door being opened. Jolting forward he began to cough. There was a light knock at the bathroom door that told him exactly who it was.

"Ed, are you okay in there?"

Edward got out of the bathtub and drained the water. It was official, there was no point in killing himself since Envy was always going to stop whether he knew it or not. The blonde began to peel his drenched clothing off of him and toss it to the floor. There was just too much he needed to know, like why the sin had such an influence on him, and killing himself was not going to help. But after he received the answers to his questions he would most certainly go thru with it the next time. Envy spoke again, but this time he had more concern in his voice.

"Ed, please answer me."

The blonde walked over and opened to door, causing the sin to freeze. Envy felt an urge start to build up within him. It happened every time he thought about the blonde in a sexual way. It drove him mad; all he wanted to do was touch and ravage his brother's body. He knew it wasn't right, but the sheer image of the blonde naked was enough to make him want to pleasure himself at night. Right now he was trying his best not to touch Edward at all.

"I-I took the day off and…I got you something…"

The sin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small stuffed bear. The fabric it was made out of was a tan velvet looking material that gave it the look of a shiny stone. It looked somewhat limp that told the blonde that it was not stuffed completely. Two black beads were used for its eyes and a dark blue ribbon was tied around its neck in a little bow. Edward looked at the bear and then back at Envy.

"I know it seems a little babyish…but I didn't know what else to get…"

The blonde took a step forward and pressed his head against Envy's chest. The sin froze again. He wanted to put his arms around his brother but he knew that nothing good would come from it.

"D-does that mean you like it?"

Envy felt the blonde slightly move which he took as a nod. Edward moved closed to the sin and gripped onto his shirt. He unknowingly brushed his groin up against the sin making him sharply inhale. Envy could not long take it anymore, so he tightly held the blonde and buried his face in his soft damp hair.

'I don't want to hurt you…but I'm starting to lose control over this feeling…'


A/N: Ah! It's so short! I'll make it longer the next time! Review please!