A/N: Hello! Thank you all so much for reviewing. Ah! I have much to do and so little time to do it! So I'm going to make this Authors Note kind of short. I really don't have anything really important to say…

Warnings: Significant dreams, losing a dear friend, and sleeping pills


Entry #4
Sleep was something he did not need at this moment. The last thing he needed was the images of what happened that afternoon to flood back into his memories. He may not have wanted to sleep, but he had to. It was already four in the morning, if he forced himself to stay up any longer he would with out a doubt collapses in class. It had already happened once and he had to be rushed to the hospital. Once he was awake, he had reassured the doctor that he was alright and no longer needed medical attention. But he was forced to stay for another day. The doctor had diagnosed him with exhaustion. Well, shit! He didn't need a doctor to tell him that! He was given a prescription for sleeping piles, and was warned by the doctor to only take two a night. They were powerful and the whole bottle was enough to knock an elephant out. Taking anymore then two pills a night would knock the sin out for an entire day. So here he was, sitting at his desk staring that the bottle of pills he was given. He tapped his index finger against the top comparing the pros against the cons. And there were a lot more cons. The guilt of what he was doing began to eat at him. He didn't want to dream about his brother, but he needed conserve his energy for school.

'Do I really want this…?'

He popped open the top and pulled out two pills. They were rather small and colorless. Opening his mouth he dropped both of them in and swallowed. Getting up from his desk, he walked over to his bed and collared face first into it, sighing. He knew what coming next; drowsiness. He looked over at his alarm clock, which read 4: 21 am, and decided that he might as well suck it up and sleep. 'What's the worst that could happen?' was something he didn't even what to think about at this moment. He grabbed one his fluffy white pillow and thru it over his head. Ling had told him numerous times not to sleep like that, fearing that he might suffocate himself.

He really didn't care; all he wanted was for to stop dreaming. He had tried everything, but they all proved useless. He was a fool to think that they could have helped in the first place. Why should he keep running from what he wants most? Why shouldn't he just pin his brother down and screw his brains out? Why not just get the whole thing over with? Because it wasn't about what he wanted, it was about what Edward wanted. But he didn't know how long he could hold back, how long he could keep his hands off of the blonde.

He knew it wouldn't be long.


"Envy…"

This was the way it always started. He would always call my name in that way. The way that told me he wanted me in a way I so dearly he didn't. It was always the same…the way he looked down at me, his lusted filled eyes scanning my body…I couldn't take it. He leaned down and kissed me, wanting to receive the same treatment. Without a second thought I gave him what he wanted. As soon as I did his tongue darted into my mouth, tasting me. I was holding myself back and he knew it. The Edward in my head was nothing like the Edward I knew...I had created him out of nothing then sexual-frustration. He was aggressive, a little violent at time, but even he couldn't satisfy me for long…after all he was just nothing more then a figment. A figment of my sick fantasies…

There was nothing I could do but lay there, completely helpless to fight against my urges. Edward…he was going to torture me...and it's my own fault. I felt a hand slips itself underneath my shirt. It slowly caressed my skin making me shiver. How could I stop this? Stop something I wanted to happen. As he made his way down my chest, I couldn't help but let out a soft moan. Why was he being gentle today? He was acting...different...he had stopped attacking me and was now looking me in the eye...what was going on?

"Envy…don't let them hurt me again…" He said in an almost…frightened voice.

This startled me a bit.

"…who? Who's hurting you?"

He didn't answer. He did however look over at his shoulder. I sat up and looked at it…it was the same shoulder with the bruise on it. I look up at him, trying to see if I could get an explanation out of him.

"Edward, how did-"

"You already know the answer to that…" He cut me off.

When he looked back up at me I felt my heart begin to break. Pain, undeniably pain was written all over his face, yet…he was smiling. It was a smile that held something behind it…this smile nearly brought me to tears. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my chest. I held him tight and refused to let go. What was going on? Did I really know the answer to all of this…?

Edward…please…I don't know what to do…

"Nii-san…I'm sorry-"

"No…don't apologize for anything…" I cut him off.

He didn't need to apologize…I loved every moment I spent with him, whether it had been good or bad. Just being around him made me happy, but now…

I can do nothing but watch him slowly drift further and further away from me.


He was gone…his little bear friend was gone. Those bastards had come in the middle of the night and pried it from his hands. They said that 'Things like this did not belong in the possession of someone like you…' and with that said, they left. He would not show it, but he truly cherished that little bear. It was the only thing that made him…happy. Happy because he had gotten it from Envy, and also that it reminded him of a better time. It made him almost…dare he said it…smile. It was amazing…he had had that small plush bear for only a few hours and it had done so much to him…it inspired him. It inspired him so much that he wanted to be free; away from this room and away from this horrid place. And with that, Edward got up from his chair and made his way over to the door. He placed his hand on the knob and slowly turned it. He knew the loud creaking noise it emitted could be heard thru the halls, but he didn't care.

With a 'click' the door opened. The blonde walked into the hallway and slowly made his way to the entrance. Would he make it? Maybe not…Did he care? Not really…

All he cared about was…

'Envy…'


A/N: SWEET JIMINY! I'M SOOO SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG! (Bowes many times) There's just been a HELL of a lot of stuff going on! I'm SO sorry!