Chapter 53) Nothing More
.-.-.
Polly Gray felt her poverty ridden kingdom slip through the cracks of her fingers. Everything she worked for, bled for, fought for, turned into sand and ashes. It didn't matter how hard she tried to cup her hands and keep all her loved ones close.
She'd lost battle after battle and as she laid inside her hospital bed staring at the fluid in her IV, she feared she was going to lose the war.
Her kin, all spreading like the plague, were ruining all her well calculated plans to keep their business flourishing; to keep all their heads above the surface and their necks far away from the noose.
She'd sacrificed half of her life to keep her niece and nephews out of the hands of the law. She'd lost her own children to those bastards; she'd pledged not to lose another Shelby in such an unjust way.
To some, her kin was the filth of the filth, lower than the grooves between the tiles. Polly found it hilarious that common folk could perceive her family in such bad light. Because unlike those poor working-class slaves, the Shelby's had made a name and a fortune; enough to scare and startle the upper class, the coppers and the aristocratic jungle inside the main halls of their city hall.
All of them were untouchable law abiding citizens. Finn never had to fear being picked on at school; Ada could roam the streets freely without any unwelcome attention or catcalling. Hell, the girl could drop her knickers and swing them above her head; all men were clever enough to look away. It had taken a few inhuman beatings and cutting of cheeks from John's side in order for Ada to have a free pass in Small Heath.
The way Polly saw it, the only danger and harm that could come for them were from fellow criminals. In order to prevent an onslaught from gang member to gang member, there had always been a silent agreement from all parties. Trust, guidelines and respect.
Tommy managed to ruin that all. Everything.
And since Polly had been forced to lie in bed, she'd had enough time to reflect. For the first few days, she'd been in agonising pain. Of course that bloody gorger cunt had been her first target. Of course that cautious grey mouse had been the reason for all her dread and misfortune. Her mere presence had started the clash within her family.
Revelation dripped down into her consciousness, like the slow process of her painkillers attacking the root of her suffering, her bitterness towards Tommy remained.
As minutes slipped by slowly, as she was being forced to stay on bed rest, Polly's had all the time in the world to contemplate.
John was gone with the wind, running after that pregnant whore like a dog with its tail between its legs. Ada called it love, Polly called it cowardice. Leaving his older brothers to take care of the shithole they all created was pathetic. John had this habit of staying on the sideline and then bash, bitch and moan about every next move. In a way, John was still a teenager at heart and deep inside; he knew he would never be able to step out of the shadow of both his older brothers.
Arthur did not possess half the qualities that would make him fit to run their family business. Too emotional, too hot tempered, too similar to his old man. But he was well known for his loyalty among their men. And he was infamous for his right fist. Unlike John, Arthur was well respected as a leader. Arthur earned his stripes in his teen years while he orchestrated their first few robberies. Unlike John, Arthur knew the inside of the slammer; as he'd taken the blame for an armed robbery gone wrong. During one fatal break-in, the homeowner drew a gun. Things had gone from bad to worse and an innocent man lost his life protecting his pregnant wife.
Although Arthur hadn't been the one pulling the trigger, he'd felt responsible for he'd plotted the whole scheme. He'd stayed behind as his fellow Blinders fled the scene.
Arthur must have realised he'd face the noose when he allowed the others to escape and he would have too; were it not for the fact that Polly knew a certain someone who knew a certain someone high up in the courthouse with a lot to lose if word spread he liked it up the ass.
Arthur walked away a free man, but none would forget his heroic self-sacrifice. More than a few men would gladly take a bullet for him.
But Arthur needed guidance and his pride robbed him from seeing Polly's good intentions. He was the man of the house and refused to listen to her, scorned that he didn't need her meddling.
To remain successful and feared, Polly needed to maintain this fragile ecosystem within her family. They all needed one another. Tommy used to rule with an iron fist as a vagabond emperor but due to his muteness, was forced to rely on Arthur as a public figure. In turn, Arthur required a special approach, that of his younger brother whose opinion seemed to be the only one he respected.
And John, well without his brother's he only had his last name to strike fear, but not respect. To their men and enemies, John was simply 'the younger brother', nothing more, nothing less.
And due to unforeseen events, all of them ran off like startled chickens, fending for what they perceived as their right. God only knew when Tommy would return from Zilpha; Polly could only pray that John would eventually return from his weak hearted quest.
Polly must have started to drift off to asleep because when she next blinked, Ada was sat beside her. Knitting and scratching the bottom of her Mary Jane's over the floor.
"Where is Finn?" Polly managed to utter hoarsely.
Ada glanced up from her work, "out playing in the hallway, told him not to touch anything if he knows what's good for him," her niece groaned, rubbing through her red-rimmed eyes, "how did you do it Pol, take care of us? I'm fed up with Finn the moment he opens his eyes, while you manage to lavish us with your love. Us, the horde of born and bred juveniles."
Polly listened to Ada while counting the times she'd wacked Arthur across the face, beat John with her slipper and cussed Tommy out of the house and decided silence was golden.
"Arthur will be meeting the Chinese soon," Ada announced, clearly relieved to fill Polly in with the secret, "words out that the Chinks crowned a new leader."
"Who?" Polly questioned.
"Beats me," Ada started then hummed, "aunt Pol, one woman to another, how deep in the shit are we?"
When Polly refused to answer, her niece sighed, "I was afraid so. We lost them didn't we?"
Ada referred to her older brothers. It filled Polly's heart with dread, because if Ada picked on so easily, it must be obvious.
She'd allowed outsiders to come in between her godchildren. Why did God give men such a small amount of blood? It either ran towards their cock or their brain, there was nothing in between.
.-.-.
"Is there anywhere I can freshen up?" Maria asked when he returned to the tent with their suitcases. She'd draped the blanket around herself, refusing to wear the bloody torn cotton.
Appreciative of the contentedness between them, Tommy pressed a lit cigarette between her lips. They curved perfectly around them and Tommy swallowed thickly. Occupying himself while she shifted across the bed to retrieve her luggage, Tommy took out another cigarette.
It remained unblemished between his lips, as Maria discarded the blanket and started to get dressed. Unsanctimoniously, he let his eyes slide over her nude body, admiring the view. She had a slim figure with still girlish features; breasts hardly a handful and her hips not as developed as most women he'd slept with. But the way she conquered her shy nature and insecurity turned him on. To him, she was the embodiment of grace, one of the few things in the godforsaken world that brought him peace. Their relational progress had one minor yet gradual side-effect; it allowed his self-doubt to grow exponentially.
"Tommy, what?" Maria snorted while fixing all the buttons of her dress, "stop looking at me like that," she huffed and rolled her eyes when she noticed how his gaze was fixated on her décolletage.
"Don't you know it's a mortal sin to objectify women? We are more than tits and asses," she lectured with the sanctity of a pope and he'd almost bought her performance were it not for her lips curling into a humbled smirk around her cigarette.
"So, is there a place I can freshen up?" Maria asked again.
A mischievous smile quirked his lips up as he handed her a towel and motioned for her to follow him. As expected, they were the only two souls awake in the camp. Tommy lumbered from tent to tent, careful not to slip and slide into the mud. Maria trudged her way around the largest puddles, but neither of them could prevent their bare feet from sinking into the damp earth. Staggering, they eventually found safety in the form of a dirt path, leading them away from the camp.
"Where are we going?" Maria questioned, her bare feet marking their track. Tommy did not respond and after a short amount of time the forest wilted and the cove of a creek appeared. Tommy recalled the place from his childhood. During one summer, he'd spent a great amount of time here, a joyful pause from their miserable home life. Memories of jumping off the rocks and splashing about with his brother's waved by.
Eager to rid himself from mud, he stepped into the shallow water and picked up a flat stone to see if he still mastered the art of skipping stones.
Maria grimaced when she stepped into the cold water. Unenthusiastically, she tiptoed through the water while holding her towel high above her head, towards the rocks.
'Five, six, seven,' Tommy counted bounces above the surface until the stone sank between water lilies.
With his arms mowing through the air to keep his balance, he stepped through the water to find more stones.
Meanwhile, Maria had sunken down on the rocks to freshen up and cupped her hands in the water to wash her face.
The hem of Tommy's trousers was drenched by the cool water of the creak. Reliving his childhood memories, he felt a bit wanton and rushed back to the sandy mound. Discarding himself of his shirt and cap, he alerted Maria when he started unbuckling his belt.
"What are you doing?" The girl hissed startled and watched how Tommy stepped out of the legs of his trousers, "someone might see you!"
Her warnings fell on deaf ears as Tommy waltzed into the deeper part of the water in nothing more than his johns.
The water was icy at his toes and a shiver ran up his back, pushing aside some water plants he planted his feet firmly into the muddy soil. Making an arrow with his hands, he straightened his arms and dove under.
Holding his breath, he swam underneath the surface, the cold and silence relaxing. Throwing his head up, he gasped for air and noticed how Maria followed his childish enthusiasm with a raised eyebrow.
The water was more than clenching. Tommy felt liberated; momentarily unrestrained from his responsibilities, out of the watchful sight of his kin. Maybe it was the lack of sundering coals and smoke, or the fact that he'd dropped his whole Blinder persona at the bedding of the creak. Whatever it was, it allowed Tommy to unwind. Holding his breath, he threw himself backwards and allowed his body to sink, then drift. The first beams of sunlight caressed his face and a gush of wind blew through the tip of his damp hair.
His mischievous eyes watched how the young woman on the rocks threw her knees up and leaned back to savour the sunlight.
Sucking in a new breath of air through his nostrils, Tommy silently ducked underneath the surface and scared the living daylights out of Maria when he swam near the rocks and jumped up.
"For heaven's sake!" Maria yelled at him, nearly losing her balance and swirling her arms around to regain her balance. When he started laughing at her, she threw a handful of mud in his direction. He dodged the mud barely, wobbled on his feet and fell backwards into the knee deep water.
Coughing and spitting, he picked up a strand of water plant decorating his forehead as he was being subjected to Maria's merciless giggling.
"You look like a drowned kitten!" Maria chanted and pointed at him with a smug toothy smile on her face.
Sitting on his ass in the shallow part of the creek, Tommy plucked the plant from his scalp and started splashing with his feet. Murky cold water rained down on Maria and she stumbled to get on her feet.
"Damn it, Tommy I just washed myself!" She scolded and kicked more mud into his direction. Specks of grey sand decorated his legs and waistline. With boyish grandeur, he waltzed out of the water, mouth dropped into a line and a wicked twinkle in his eyes.
Maria was stranded on the pile of rocks as he cornered her, clasping his wet arms around her waist.
"No! Tommy, let me go!" She screeched in his ear. In response, he threw her over his shoulders, her fist angrily beating his back and shoulder blades. Stumbling back into the water waist deep, he squeezed her tight and sank to his knees, letting them both disappear underneath the surface.
Screaming and kicking, Maria gasped; startled from the freezing cold water. Standing on the tips of her toes, she splashed water in his face to rid him from his smug grin.
"You are ridiculous, you know that?" Maria snarled at him, tugging her drenched hair behind her ear. He nodded in return, lowered his jaw underneath the surface and spluttered water at her when he jerked his chin up.
Maria stepped back and suddenly sank, swinging her arms around and screaming in panic: "I can't swim!" Flopping with her limbs, she rapidly disappeared under water.
Instantly, Tommy dove after her, fingers reaching for her arms, legs, anything. But they sank through the water, without finding a hint of Maria. Panicked, he opened his eyes, but all he could see was murky dark water, no contours or signs of her body.
Breaking through the surface, his eyes darted around focusing on any ripple in the water. Sucking in another breath of air, he dove back under only to surface without a trail. He swam into the deeper part of the creek, heart pounding inside his chest. Fuck, he needed someone to help him, anyone, the whole fucking Lee camp for all he cared.
He howled, drifting in circles in case he overlooked any sign of her whereabouts. Suddenly, he felt two hands twine around the hem of his johns, shoving it down.
Maria surfaced, gasping for air a few feet away. As a white flag she waved his underwear above her head and laughed out loud, still painting to catch her breath.
"I used to live near a lake; I swam before I knew how to walk." She gasped and started swimming ashore.
Baffled, Tommy realised she'd stolen his johns and quickly swam after her. But she had an advantage. Ashore, she picked up his clothing and threw them up in the trees. Giggling, she ran off, drenched in a see through dress and his underwear tucked underneath her armpits, leaving him naked as the day he was born in waist deep water.
.-.-.
It had been quite the effort to fetch all his clothes down from the branches of the oak tree. Two socks still dangled high next to a birds nest; the mother pecked his hand when he tried to snatch them.
With his pockets sloshing, Tommy retreated back to the Lee camp; trying to rinse his shirt while he dodged the stares and entertained gazes from a group of Lee women.
The corner of Zilpha's lips quirked up when she noticed the infamous Blinder leader totter back to his tent. Maria's dress hung on a line, joined with Tommy's johns, like a white flag waving in the wind.
Ignoring Zilpha's taunting cackle, he flung his shirt over the clothing line. Slapping the water out of his Peaky cap, he pressed the soaked material back on his scalp. A line of cold water ran down his back and it would take ages for the material to dry completely.
Unannounced, he burst through the curtains. Maria was wrapping her hair with a towel, spun on her feet while she suppressed a coy smile. She'd changed into a grey midi skirt and a white peasant blouse. Her bare feet shifted on the grassy floor, toes curled from excitement.
You've made a fool out of me, Tommy stated while drips ran down the rim of his flat cap.
Maria eyed him up, trying to register if the sudden toughness in his face was serious or not.
She remained looking for clues along his face and watched him edge closer.
Pointing at her face he repeated: you've made a fool out of me.
"Well, you were asking for it Tommy Shelby," she insisted, wetting her lips with her tongue.
It was deviant how well she accustomed from being a straight-laced Victorian to this frisky little minx the moment the curtains closed.
"And besides that, you are well qualified in doing that job yourself," Maria added, "I've been impressed by the various ways you have been making a complete fool out of yourself. Although," Maria paused to tap him on the chest, "I must say the first prize goes to your brother John, he's an absolute twat."
Humoredly, Tommy raised one eyebrow which gave Maria the opportunity to rectify her last statement.
"He's rude, obnoxious and continues to treat me poorly. And he's a scoundrel dog; did you know he once watched me undress in the backseat of his car?"
This time both his brows drew together and his nostrils flared.
"Nothing happened," Maria continued hastily as she noticed how Tommy's blue eyes turned green, "nothing happened between me and your brother." she declared, realising she said something she should have kept to herself. But her statement didn't lessen the sudden hatred Tommy felt towards his little brother. His possessiveness in combination with his crippling self-doubt was like a sleeping dragon that awoke abruptly and fervently.
"I shouldn't have brought it up," Maria half apologised.
Her words backfired inside Tommy's head, this was one thing she hadn't brought up before; the true question was, how many more things were there that she'd failed to bring to the table?
"Tommy, stop."
Tommy had to blink twice to be able to rid himself of the bewildered glazed expression that had momentarily made him zone out.
"I'm not sure what thoughts are clouding your head up, but stop," her lips brushed his and she paused, waiting and wanting to make the next move.
Their kiss had the absence of manor and tact. From his side, it was possessive and primal and left no room for comfort. She tolerated his form selfishness; deep down an idle side of her was content to stir up such a rush of emotions.
Tommy paused in order to catch a breath and catch a glimpse of her mindset.
Staring through half-lidded eyes, he wondered where all of this was taking him. The same tension that had been building inside his stomach and abdomen as this morning reappeared and he watched the tip of her tongue playing behind her partially opened lips, begging for more.
It had been long since he'd had an intimate connection with someone. After France, he'd mainly used the brothel to fulfill his needs. And in all honesty, he didn't think any other form of intimacy lay within his future. What woman in her right head would settle for a disabled man?
She'd been right last night, she must have been mad.
Before France, he'd been good at taking on roles, blending into the presentable figure suited for the situation. During the war, he'd only been one thing, a soldier, nothing more, nothing less.
After France, he'd forgotten all he once had been. He'd merely adapted towards the persona he knew his family wanted him to have. But who was he, what was left of him?
It had been utterly depressing and frustrating to fill in the blanks inside the cracks within his skull.
But now he knew what he wanted to be, nothing more than just a man. The person Maria summoned up across the ocean, at the entrance of the elephant exhibition.
.-.-.
a/n: I've tried to update as fast as I could, I've written most of this chapter months ago (the bit at the creek) and never knew if I should include it within the story. I decided to add it though, I think we all can use something fluff and mellow these days. I'd like to thank all other fanfiction authors for writing their stories, it's a lovely distraction!
Hope everyone is well, stay safe, stay inside.
Xoxoxo Nukyster
