A/N: -COUGH- that took awhile to update. Yes busy busy me, and nothing motivates me much anymore... I guess being a teenager is like that huh? Anyway the long awaited chapter... long, sappy, dark... hopefully I can squeeze in some more NejiHina in the next chapter.
Also I want to thank everyone that reviewed! It makes me happy that people like my fic enough to actually scroll down and submit a review.
Chapter 7 Dreams and Reality
Desert Sand. Sand… Sand… Sand! Such a dark place with a stream of sand coming from the blue painted sky, it was as if she was at the bottom of some dark canyon. Hinata didn't know where she was... all she knew was that there was an unlimited amount of sand streaming down caressing her fingertips, she let it gather on her palm until the sand overflowed and slowly cascaded off her pale, delicate hand.
"Where am I?" Hinata whispered but no sound came out, her voice was muffled by hundreds of shadow-like hands willing her not to speak.
She gave up on speaking and let the warm grains of sand sliver over her palm, her other hand lifted up to also feel the warm sand gently collide with her smooth skin. A melancholy feeling took its rest inside her heart. Her heartbeats echoed throughout the darkness playing a sad melody that Hinata wished would just stop.
But she knew the melody would never stop, she knew the sand would never stop coming, and she knew that the only way she'll get out of this dark place was to go where the sand was coming from, where the sand was reaching down at her from but how could she go up there when she couldn't grab onto the sand and climb?
It was hopeless, everything was hopeless but that doesn't matter, it's not like hoping would ever make her dreams come true. She should stop hoping and accept the position that was assigned to her by a power that was out of her control.
"Hinata," a soft voice came. Hinata felt a hand on her shoulder as this intruding hand pushed her gently. Suddenly the dark world disappeared along with the sand and the out of reach light that she wished to be engulfed in. Her eyelids slowly opened and bright light invaded her half-asleep pupils. She blinked several times adjusting her vision.
"You're finally awake," the voice said again but it wasn't as soft as it was before.
"Ga-!" Hinata gasped wide awake now as she recognized the person before her. "Gaara?" she yelped scooting backwards out of surprise. She didn't know if she was hallucinating or still dreaming, all she knew was that this couldn't be happening, no, it shouldn't be happening. She stared at the red haired sand-nin in horror, he certainly looked real. His glass sea green eyes dully shimmered, his pale skin and the blood red hair, they didn't look any different since the day she last saw him. He did look very fatigued though.
"Gaara!" Hinata said again but this time a little less shocked.
"You should be a little quieter," Gaara advised her in his usual manner. Hinata automatically clapped her hands to her mouth; another one of her girlish habits that she had once abandoned had suddenly flown back to her on golden wings.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in a whisper, she was afraid, happy, sad, angry, and extremely scared.
"I think you lost your mind," Gaara said taking her hand and pulling her out of bed. For a second Hinata considered it, here she was at home in her bed and suddenly Gaara appears out of nowhere telling her she just lost her mind. No way, it was the other way around.
"You lost your mind! What are you doing here?" Hinata asked furiously, but seeing him made her heart pound and her tears swell.
"I came for you," he told her affectionately, a small smile had spread across his face as he reached his hand out for hers. Certain softness glimmered in his eyes, it made Hinata believe every word he told her and took it all to heart.
Gaara pulled her towards him and held her in a tight embrace. She could smell the dry desert scent of his home. It felt as if the whole world had stopped just for them.
"You're really back," she cried, the tears now falling freely from her pearl-white eyes.
"Hinata-sama, wake up!" a sharp voice of a female screeched at her. She slowly opened her eyes again expecting to see Gaara but all that stared back at her was one of her angry maids. There were still tears in her eyes.
"You're late! You're suppose to be fitted for you wedding attire!" she scolded as if she didn't even see the tears that accumulated in her eyes.
"Wedding?" Hinata frowned wiping her face and eyes, the wedding, she forgot all about the wedding. The days seemed to be getting closer and closer in a fast out of control blur.
"WEDDING?" her maid freaked out, "Hinata-sama are you feeling okay?" she asked reaching for her forehead but Hinata jumped out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind her before the maid laid one hand on her.
"Wedding… Why does this have to happen to me?" she muttered to herself as she splashed cold water onto her face. It seemed like it had only been one day when it had actually been three. Three whole days she locked herself in her room, barely eating anything, sleeping, staring off seemed shorter than it should've been.
Everything felt so hopeless like in her strange but vivid dream. She couldn't do it, it was impossible. But Hinata didn't want to give up, a great war waged within her head, she spent countless hours going over pros and cons and calculating and visualizing each and every possible detailed event that could occur, if she did this or if she did that or if she did absolutely nothing at all.
Pro: She would actually marry someone who loved her, she was comfortable around Neji, Neji would be happy, everyone would be happy, she was happy around Neji, she would get to stay in Konoha with her friends and family. Better be Neji than some scum from a noble family she had never heard of.
Con: Hinata would feel very unhappy, she will be tied down to duty forever, her only purpose in life would be to produce offspring and care for them and Neji, she would never be able to leave the house, she would never see Gaara again.
Hinata had thought about it a lot, if she married Neji happiness wouldn't come right away but gradually she would believe to have made the right decision and she would be happy again. She had no choice in the matter anyway, even if she wanted to be with Gaara, he certainly didn't want to be with her… well not anymore, not after what happened.
"Hinata-sama!" she could hear the screeching and she tried to block it out by jumping into the shower. The hot water felt good on her cold and weary body.
Hinata tried to convince herself that marrying Neji would be the best thing for everyone, even her, even for Gaara but whenever she saw that crystal necklace she remembered what it was like before the two of them even met each other. They were both alone, rejected by the world and even though the two of them tried to break the expectations that was given to them at the day of their birth the world still saw them as who they were born to be, they saw them by the fate that they were attached to.
She remembered the day they first talked about changing themselves to become happier despite of what others thought of them and Gaara had changed… a lot. He became the Kazekage to protect the village that once bore a great hatred towards him, he even learned to show compassion, think about others and even learn to love.
Hinata didn't change much at all, she thought she did but it was all a lie. She was still tied down to her fate while Gaara broke free from the stereotypes that were given to him at birth. She was still the same Hinata that existed years ago. Sometimes she thought that Gaara wasn't the one that needed her, it was she that needed him.
She could remember how happy she was the moment Gaara had told her that he remembered the things she had said to him, someone had cared enough to listen to her, to take her words into heart, and it was someone that she never would've expected it to come from. She felt truly happy whenever she thought that she had changed a life for the better.
The memories brought a small smile to her face as they played like a motion picture in her mind. Why did this once happy movie have to end up like a tragedy? She could hear the birds chirping outside. What should she do though? She had choices but none of them seemed to lead where she wanted it go.
Neji paced around frantically, Hinata didn't want to marry him, he knew it no matter how many times Hiashi assured him that it wasn't true. Maybe he should cancel the wedding; he didn't know what to do.
"Neji-sama," one of the maids said worried, seeing her master so restless and uneasy.
"What?" he snapped ferociously.
"Nothing!" she yelped frightened.
He had talked to everyone, everyone! He wished Hinata would just come out of her room and talk to him about it. He talked to Naruto who thought it was kind of gross at first but when Neji explained it he seemed okay with it and gave his blessings. He told Sakura, she on the other hand didn't seem to think that Hinata and he were "right" and obviously preferred Hinata with Gaara but she told him that it seemed like it was for the best. Kiba and Shino gave their blessings also, so did Rock Lee and Tenten. Why did it seem like the only people who were unsure were him and Hinata?
"Neji," Hinata said surprised to see him so distressed. He turned see Hinata come in with a confused expression on her face. Even though she looked tired she still looked beautiful, nothing less from the blossoming Hyuuga heiress.
"Hinata…" he said at a loss of words. He had so much he wanted to say but at that moment, it all flowed from him like a dream that seemed real but forgetting the second you woke up.
"What is it?" she asked softly avoiding his gaze.
The Hinata he once knew was starting to vanish, he could see it in her eyes. The Hinata he loved was slipping away from him mentally, it was like trying to hold water in your hands, it was just inevitable… even if Hinata married him it wouldn't be anything like he pictured. It was so like Hinata to be doing something like this, making her life miserable for the sake of others.
"I… I want your opinion on this, I don't want you to do something you'll regret," Neji said, his stomach clenching painfully. She gave him a blank expression.
"My opinion," she stated. "My father already made it perfectly clear that if I didn't do it, I'll regret it," Hinata told him.
"But… is it something you want to do?" he asked.
Hinata thought for a second considering his question. Finally her reply came, short, simple, to the point yet it felt like someone just punched him in the stomach, "No." He didn't really expect anything less, she really was slipping away.
Hinata didn't know why she responded the way she did. She didn't want to hurt Neji's feelings but all the compassion and worry over other's people's feelings she once had was drained from her. She wished Neji would stop asking for her opinion, didn't he know that none of it mattered anymore? Even if Neji changed his mind he wouldn't be able to back down from it either. Fate's unbreakable strings were already woven all too tightly around them.
The look Neji had on his face, the expression of pure sorrow pained her even more than she thought. How can everyone be happy? What can she do so that everyone would smile again? She shook her head sighing heavily.
"Sorry Neji, but you of all people should know that once the sand in an unmovable hourglass starts falling you can't change it, you can only watch it until the path it was given is finished, the sand isn't miraculously going to fall up, stop or reverse," she tried to explain.
"You're right Hinata, only Gaara can do that," she heard Neji mutter ironically as she walked off. She stopped in her tracks for one second before moving again. The words struck her as something odd. She didn't expect that kind of answer but even if it was for a second, hope rekindled in her heart.
If Gaara could, would that mean Gaara can save her from all of this? No, she couldn't rely on false hope. It was impossible.
Hinata sat in her garden, her head spinning, the words Neji had uttered played like a broken music box inside her head. She wanted to take some medicine so it would all go away, all this pain, everyone's pain.
"Gaara you're not seriously thinking about going after that girl!" Kankurou, his older sibling yelled at him. "Please think it over rationally!"
"Nothing you say will change my mind," Gaara told him dangerously, hinting that he should back off before he had to force his mouth shut.
"What about the things you told me about becoming the Kazekage? The village needs you here!" Kankurou tried to argue.
It was true, he did make the promise of protecting the whole village, to be acknowledged not as failed and unpredictable weapon but as a shield for his people, always warding off unwanted and intruding visitors.
But… it was all the same, as much as he tried to cover up the dull fact that Gaara of the Desert was still Gaara of the Desert, the name Kazekage wasn't going to cover the fact that he IS a failed and unpredictable weapon, a walking bomb ready to go off.
"The people… they don't want me here," he said. "I want to be needed, relied on, not just physically to protect them but… mentally also. It's something I've grown to understand since…" Gaara paused; he couldn't bring himself to say her name.
"Even so, you must understand that you can't just walk out on everyone! If you try harder you'll gain their respect, isn't that what you wanted?"
"It is what I wanted… but… a lot has changed. Even though I share many things in common with Uzumaki Naruto, we're still two different people," Gaara said. No matter how he tried he would never be like Uzumaki Naruto, he was one of a kind. Where Gaara failed Naruto would succeed.
"Gaara!" Gaara was done talking to his older brother. He didn't understand, nobody understood how he felt. He didn't see the look in the villager's eyes whenever he was around but Gaara saw it, he felt the coldness.
He didn't know why he was going after Hinata anymore. Wasn't he the one who told her to go away, that he never wanted to see him again? Boy, she would probably be really mad if he suddenly showed up… going back on his word. He had thought about it and none of it made sense, the only thing he could rely on now was his gut.
Hinata would be mad but from what he knew of her, she wouldn't stay mad for long. She was so easily amazed and overjoyed by life. Hinata made that pain in his chest disappear; she was his medicine, the one that Yashamaru had told him about. This medicine wasn't from doctors; you had to find this medicine. A medicine for the healing, it could close up wounds that have been open for too long that was what Hinata was like to him, he couldn't heal such a wound all alone.
Hinata peered at her made up face. Her lips were a glossy pink, blush was gently dabbed on her cheeks. Her hair was tied up nicely, smooth, silky, neat and clean. So this is what she would look like as she and Neji were to be officially wedded.
"So what do you think Hinata-sama?" the girls asked her obviously pleased with their work.
"Breath taking, I can't even recognize myself," Hinata lied smiling brightly at them. She didn't know when she picked up such a bad habit of lying.
"That's a relief!" the girls said sighing in relief that she liked it. Hinata nodded softly.
"Can I take this off now?" she asked.
"Sure, of course."
Hinata walked alone, the wedding… was so close, it was the talk of the town. Everyone knew, not everyone was invited but all her friends was going to be there, well Gaara wasn't included but that didn't matter anymore.
Sometimes dreams were harsher than reality itself. People had the craziest imaginations; maybe this reality wasn't as bad as she told herself it would be. Dreams were the worse, it haunted her when she was awake, it haunted her when she was asleep, and she couldn't escape them. Her nightmares were so horrible that this reality seemed almost peaceful.
Sometimes she considered that she was just overreacting but was she? She didn't have the sanity to think about it anymore, her mind felt so overworked she just didn't want to think about it anymore. If it happened, it happened, if it didn't it didn't, she didn't want to fight anymore.
"Hinata-chan!" Sakura said excitedly.
"Oh… konnichiwa Sakura-san," Hinata said with a small smile.
"I can't believe it, you're going to be married in like… a day!" she squealed.
"Yeah, it is hard to believe," Hinata said.
"You don't seem very excited for a soon to be bride," Sakura scolded her.
"I guess I still feel too young to be married," Hinata said laughing nervously.
"Hey life's too short to wait! One day waited is one day wasted!" she lectured.
"I suppose you're right," Hinata said smiling at her friend. Sometimes Sakura seemed wiser than she looked.
"Good luck!" Sakura said running off with a smile.
"Good luck to you too," Hinata said, she had a feeling that she might be having the same conversation with her again one day when she would be married to Naruto. No… Sakura was smart, she wouldn't make decisions she would regret, she always did what her heart told her to, sometimes Hinata wished her heart and mind were a little more decisive.
Gaara could see her, standing all alone at the bridge. Her appearance was still the same but something was very different. She seemed transparent, as if she wasn't actually standing there but it was just a pigment of his imagination that wouldn't go away. She looked tired, and the glow that she had dimmed greatly.
Actually seeing her made his stomach clench. It hadn't been long since she parted from the Sand but it felt like it had been ages since they had seen each other. He wondered what her reaction would be like, happy, sad, angry? It must've felt very long for her too, she didn't look she had gotten much sleep lately. He slowly shifted legs and decided that he should approach her but carefully. He slowly slid down from where he was hiding, he was surprised that she didn't feel his presence yet.
"Hinata…" he said really softly that he wasn't sure if it was in his head but it was confirmed when she turned her head slowly to look at him.
"Gaara!" she said shocked, her pearl white eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly with a gasp. She was surprised, more like overwhelmingly shocked, he wondered if she was happy or angry but the glow and liveliness that he thought he couldn't see anymore suddenly appeared again which he was relieved at.
"Surprised…?" Gaara asked, he couldn't believe how stupid he was, of course she was surprised.
"What are you doing here? Why'd you come back to this village? WHY?" she asked her shocked expression turned angry.
"I wanted to apologize," he told her sincerely.
"Apologize?" she said her angry expression turned melancholy and soft, tears began falling endlessly from her eyes. "You want to apologize?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry for what I said," he said surprised that she was crying. Why was she crying? Shouldn't she be happy? Maybe she hated him, but she should be at least angry if not happy.
"I-I-you…" she sniffled trying to wipe her tears away with her sleeve. She dropped to her knees, Gaara immediately scared that she was going to break being so fragile and all ran up to her.
"Are you okay? Are you sick?" he asked worried. He didn't expect this reaction at all.
"You don't need to apologize, I'm the one who should apologize," she said shaking her head, tears still coming out of her eyes. Gaara reached for a handkerchief and slowly dabbed her wet cheeks.
"Here." She took it gratefully and wiped her eyes.
"Why'd you come back? Was that all?" she asked. "I don't understand… why did you leave your village Gaara?" she asked in a tortured puzzlement.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said quietly, almost embarrassed by the reality of it all.
"You should go," she said quietly.
"You don't even know what I wanted to tell you!" Gaara said.
"It doesn't matter anymore," she said trying to get up but failed. Again he felt as if none of this was real, as if it was a dream, even though Hinata was barely centimeters away it felt like she wasn't actually there.
"Why are you…?" Gaara asked confused. Was it all in his imagination? Why did it feel like she was fading away? As if, if he didn't keep her in sight she'll disappear forever? He didn't want that, that was the last thing he wanted.
"You should go Gaara," she repeated this time more firmly. Seeing her like this made him really… sad, there was no other word to describe it. What happened? She looked so dazed and lost, not the Hinata that was with him only more than a week ago.
"What happened?" Gaara asked with a hint of anger.
"What are you talking about?" Hinata asked acting as if there was nothing possibly wrong with the world but at the moment it felt as if everything was slightly out of place, nothing was where it belonged and Gaara knew that something changed when they were apart, something terrible, dreadful, something that was slowly eating away at his poor Hinata.
Gaara felt nothing but pure sympathy and compassion for the girl, he slid his arms around her hoping that maybe if he did he'll be able to make everything all right again. What happened? What was going on? Why won't she say anything? Whatever it was, at the moment Hinata didn't need someone interrogating her, she needed someone to comfort her.
At first there was no response from Hinata, but she didn't refuse the embrace, she slowly relaxed and accepted it much to Gaara's relief.
"Gaara-san… you're going to hate me," she mumbled, her head resting on his shoulder. She must've lost more weight, she felt lighter than a feather. The breeze that lightly tickled at his skin made him hold her tighter in fear that she just might blow away if he let go.
"You shouldn't confirm something before it happens," Gaara told her, trying to sooth her, a side that he didn't even know he had until now.
"This might seem selfish but… right now… I don't want this moment to end so let's not talk about it," she said snuggling closer, "now." Even though Gaara didn't know what she wanted to tell him, he nodded and told her it was okay. They had built an understanding, after this they may never get this opportunity to be together again, that they both understood.
So was this what a broken love meant? To struggle endlessly like a dying fish trying to walk on land? To struggle for one second of happiness that would soon be snatched away by the talons of fate?
Maybe so, maybe not, maybe Hinata was just overthinking everything. Her sense of doom had disappeared, certainly it was still looming overhead but to her at the moment, it was far away in a place so unreachable that it barely crossed her mind. Gaara gave her a sense of security, for the first time for what seemed like centuries she felt warm, and she couldn't help but smile.
He was actually here. Gaara was actually here! He was holding her! He came back for her! She knew for sure that he loved her. Why did her family want to destroy this feeling so badly?
She felt reenergized; she knew now what she wanted. She wanted to be with Gaara, to feel safe, to feel wanted, and to be loved. Everything felt better.
"Hinata, we've been sitting here for awhile," he reminded her, his voice transitioning her from peace to reality.
"Oh," she said blankly. "I guess we have," she said noticing that the sky was beginning to darken and that her bottom felt somewhat numb.
Gaara helped her stand up. "Aren't your friends and family going to be looking for you?" he asked, suspiciously looking around.
"What about your village?" she asked. "They're probably worried, you should get back," Hinata advised him even though she didn't want him to leave.
"I don't plan on going back," he told her in a serious tone. She stared into his green unmoving eyes, he didn't falter.
"Why not?" she asked. He certainly chooses the worst times to be difficult.
"Hinata…" he said pausing to glance away for a second. "I'm not going back unless you come with me. I guess I've come to the realization that I'm in love with you," he said with such sincerity and seriousness Hinata found herself blushing furiously. Her heart pounded furiously in her chest and she felt as if her knees were going to give out again.
"Gaara, I-" she couldn't believe that Gaara just said that he was in love with her! The day before her wedding! This was so insane! "I… love you too," she said blushing a deeper red. He smiled relieved.
"But… I should probably tell you something…" she said nervously.
"What is it?" he asked curiously.
Time seemed to stop as the world grew silent as if everyone and everything in the world wanted to eavesdrop on the words that were about to come out of her mouth. Her head and heart pounded as her lips made out the words, "I'm getting married tomorrow."
"I'm sorry Gaara."
ooooh... will Gaara be pissed, sad? (or my favorite emotion to read... jealous?) Yeah... my attempts at a cliffhanger... hm hoped everyone enjoyed that chapter, to me it felt somewhat boring but yeah my opinions don't matter, so submit a review or something... or don't.
Hm anyway stay tune for the next chapter which will be coming out hopefully before this year is over... ha ha... -gets garbage thrown at her-
