Revolution 4.1: Welcome to my nightmare, part 1: Dream a little dream of me
It took us far too long to return from Area 11. 10 days at sea. We could have possibly returned faster, but we had to go the long way to pick up some supplies from India. In the days of sailing vessels, such a journey would have taken a month, if not longer.
Perhaps it's just nostalgia for earlier days, feeling the wind in my hair, the smell of salt in the air, a ship bobbing with the waves beneath my feet.
...More likely it's my own fear of what we'll find when we return. I even refrained from contacting Rakshata the entire time. Both from radio silence protocols, and thinking there would be no change, or a change for the worst. The surgery succeeded, true. But we won't know how it affected him until he's awake.
We're only a few minutes away from docking at Port Jeddah, the primary port of call for any ships docking in Saudi Arabia. An ordinary ship would have to pass through customs, under the watchful eye of the harbormaster, or Britannian naval patrols.
An ordinary ship would not have the personal attention of the sitting viceroy directing undue attention away from us, or letting us dock at a secret military submarine dock. Little minx certainly has been busy.
Milly and Rivalz are adjusting well enough, which is good, because Nina needs people to lean on until she stops looking over her shoulder. I do wonder if I'd have been so quick to spare her in Lelouch's place.
Her creation, a thing of absolute terrifying power. If Lelouch had wanted to, he could have used his geass to seize her and her creation. This war might be in a far different position, and he wouldn't have..
No. I will not scourge him for refusing to forsake his human heart and holding to his principles. Even the power of FLEIJA would not have saved him from Siegfried. Such a power is antithetical to his design and aims, so I must respect his decision.
To think Albert's granddaughter would share so many of his mannerisms is darkly amusing. To think that funny absent minded man's research could give rise to such a thing, he would either laugh bitterly or weep that the fruits of his loins should be forced to consider such a thing.
Speaking of dark thoughts? My gaze moves to Kallen, resting against her brother's side, silently slumbering.
Ugh. I am not looking forward to untangling that mess, or how Lelouch will react to the revelations of what happened to his friends. Milly, Rivalz and Nina being recovered is good news indeed, and their aid will be helpful.
But the reveal of Suzaku's new allegiance, compounded with the horrors of what happened to Kallen after the battle? That will cleave his heart in twain. Just like that vile little goblin VV likely planned.
Marianne said she couldn't prove it was his doing, but we both know the little bastard would never refuse an opportunity to be petty and strike at those we love. It's fortunate that Charles and Marianne got her out of there, god knows how much worse the damage could have been. Thankfully, Britannia medicine means she won't have any physical scars aside from the loss of her hymen. The mental scars however, will be far longer in the mending.
...I'm so sorry Kallen. If I had known this was happening to you, I might have roused myself from my sorrow sooner. As it was, I owe Marianne a debt now, doubly so since it was her that alerted me that you were back in Area 11. While we would have needed to head there to collect a few things anyway, this meant it was worth the risk of my coming personally, despite the watch dogs sniffing around her.
There was one particularly vicious little bastard hanging around the school that we had to remove. Purple eyes, brown hair, Couldn't have been more than Nunnally's age. He tried to knife Iah'bahad and myself when he saw us asking about Kallen. He had a geass of some sort, though I'm not sure what it was. Iah'bahad, no, Naoto, said he couldn't move while it was active. The boy was certainly surprised when I grabbed his hand mid strike and put his own butterfly knife through his carotid artery.
He had some skills, but he was clearly used to his geass doing most of the work, he wasn't prepared for someone to fight back. Though in his defense, what were the odds he would encounter a code bearer? If he could immobilize someone like Naoto, he could likely have decimated even an entire squad.
Part of me pitied him. He was young enough that I have no doubt Vincent indoctrinated him at an early age, and the look in his eyes..I wonder if he even knew what he was fighting for?
Requisat et pace, oh nameless youth. We will not let others go down your path. I have made my peace with my failures with Mao. And making sure Vincent can no longer create more like that boy is the best atonement I can think of.
The sound of heavy machinery rouses me from my thoughts. The ship has docked. Time to return to base.
"Tsundere-chan, we're here."
It takes a gentle touch on her shoulders to rouse her from her slumber, but soon enough her blue eyes open up, looking around the sub blearily.
"What time is it?"
Helping her to her feet, we walk to the exit hatch, "Approximately one pm in the afternoon, Saudi Arabian time, which means it's seven am Japan time. You'll need a day or two to adjust to the time difference. And fair warning? It's over 80 degrees fahrenheit outside."
Kallen gives me a raised eyebrow, "I've been to Okinawa, that's not that bad."
Naoto shrugs at that comment, "This is the winter season. It goes up to well over 100 in the summer."
Is it wrong of me that I'm enjoying seeing her blanch at that warning? Perhaps, but lightening the mood isn't a bad thing, given what she's about to see shortly.
As we step out into the hot sun of the middle east, I stop, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, letting the smell of salt and sand fill my nostrils and lungs. It's a mix that takes some getting used to. The air here is arid, dry, and unforgiving, much like the land itself. It's a harsh land, one that burns by day, and freezes by night.
However, it may be just what we need to reforge the Black Knights into an army capable of going beyond where they were last time. If...If Lelouch can return, the environment will be helpful to bringing the army back up to par. And that's before we get into the logistical strength we'll have from NOD and our resources, without needing to operate underground in abandoned warehouses and dug out bases.
"Commander on deck!" a loud voice rings out as we disembark the vessel...hmm. Didn't expect that. Not that I'm complaining about a full salute for us from the squadron of soldiers here.
"At ease," I say as I stride over to the commander, Naoto following, his sister noticeably unnerved at the sight of Britannian forces ostensibly saluting us. A strange sight, to be sure. But an encouraging one.
"Welcome to Port Jeddah, Lady CC. Viceroy la Britannia instructed us to bring you to base immediately. There's been a development with your husband."
...what?
Seeing my stunned state at his pronouncement, the man becomes visibly uncomfortable, "I'm not at liberty to say out in the open, ma'am. My instructions were to get you into a transport to base immediately. All questions will be answered there."
"...Iah'bahad, tell your second in command to finish unloading the equipment. You and the others are coming with me, now."
What in the name of hell has happened to him now? God damn you Lelouch vi Britannia. Is everything destined to be something overly dramatic and ridiculous with you...tche. Why even bother asking? Of course it is. Him and his whole psychotic family.
Still, a development could be good. Laila wouldn't be summoning me immediately after disembarking without good reason. I can only hope it's good news, god knows I could use some..
The base is situated approximately 200 kilometers southeast of Riyadh. Driving there would take 14 hours, give or take. Fortunately, having control of the airspace means we could take a high speed military transport plane and be there in less than an hour. Not nearly fast enough.
The surprise and happy expressions of everyone as they notice Kallen, and belatedly the others following after me don't even register as I half march and half run down the halls toward the medical wing. Wisely, no one dares to intercept my path. Or perhaps the expression on my face is enough deterrent.
Tamaki and Jeremiah at the doors salute as I pass through...only to see Mao, Laila, Alice, and Nunnally sitting at the table near the bed, Rakshata and Bartley having a loud discussion nearby.
"Dr Chawla, you know as well as I do that this is unheard of. We simply cannot use past precedent for this."
"General Asprius, you may be the expert in biotechnology, but I have over a decade of medical cybernetics implantation and if you think that-"
"With all due respect madame, this is clearly something unnatural. I will not countenance the use of medication for something that is related to that," the balding man intones, wiping his monocle off, his general's uniform exchanged for a black knight's officer's uniform, lab coat and clipboard.
The loud click of my heels as I march in stops their argument cold, the two of them suddenly looking away and unsure how to address me.
"Big sister CC! Welcome back to-Kallen?!" Nunnally says with a surprised look on her face as she carefully walks over, lightly using the cane in one hand as envelopes the redhead in a hug,
"What the hell, you can walk?" Kallen whispers as she mechanically returns the hug, her face poleaxed at the simple yet impossible action before her eyes.
The little blonde nods as she looks up at Kallen, "Dr. Chawla completed my surgery a while ago. It's still painful for me to walk around, but I'm getting better."
"Nunna tries to walk so much I have to tell her to stop. Which I wish I didn't have to do," Alice says with a pout as she crosses her arms.
Nunnally sighs as she disentangles herself from Kallen's arms, "Dr. Chawla said I have to take time to rest and let my nerves heal so I can't just walk all the time. And she bullied Alice into making me stop every so often."
Absolutely adorable. These two are so cute. You did the right thing letting her in, Lulu. Nunnally is much happier with her Alice.
"Your pardon my queen, but we have an important matter that requires your discernment. I request you tell Dr. Chawla to refrain from her current course of action," Bartley pronounces, interrupting the moment.
My eyebrow raises at that request, as I look past them at the still form of Lulu, the subtle signs of condensation on the oxygen mask on his face. Wait. He's breathing? He wasn't breathing on his own previously, he must be doing better! ..Isn't he?
"..How is he?" Did my voice waver for a moment there? If it did, I daresay none would call me on it.
Before either of the two physicians can speak, Kallen's hand is over her mouth as she walks over to him, tears in her eyes as she sees the remnants of surgical scars on his body. Britannian medicine being what it is, those will be gone soon enough. But..it's a sobering sight to see him like this.
"かみ。。ルルシュ。。ゆるしてくれ。。" Kallen whispers, unsteady on her feet, Rivalz moving behind her to hold her up. (God...Lelouch...forgive me..)
"I got ya, Kallen. Man Lulu, you look like you got run over by a tank," Rivalz says in disbelief.
Milly meanwhile is looking stunned, her normally sunny disposition off-kilter at the stark reminder of the costs of war.
Taking her in my arms, I look over at Rakshata and Bartley, mustering what powers of command I have at my disposition, even as my eyes betray my fatigue.
"Rakshata. Bartley. I can see he's breathing, so I know there is some improvement. Laila had me rush back immediately upon arrival, and you two were arguing when I came in. What is wrong with my husband?"
..Damn both of you, answer me! Stop standing there silent and looking awkward. He's not dead, so why aren't you talking?!
"I'm getting irritated with the lack of answers. So now I am going to insist. What. Is. Wrong. With. Him?"
Rakshata answers first after taking a puff off her kiseru, "As I have been arguing with Bartley for the last few days, physically Lelouch is fine. His body is well on the mend with his artificial nervous system conducting impulses just as well if not better than his originals. The structure of his spinal cord has settled in with no complications. There are no synaptic responses associated with damaged or failed neural connections. So I see no reason why I should not use a mild medical stimulant to rouse him since it is long past the time he should have woken up. His brainwave patterns are displaying alpha waves, so his continued slumber is medically impossible."
...I have absolutely no idea what she just said.
"Bartley, explain that so those of us without a medical degree can understand what she said."
Am I irritated? Why yes, how ever could anyone tell? Perhaps the edge of tension in my voice, or maybe the predatory gaze in my eyes? My expressions aren't that inscrutable, are they?
With a cough clearing his lungs, Bartley steps forward, bowing at the waist, "Forgive my colleague's penchant for jargon. Our argument has nothing to do with the surgery itself or any complications of the body arising therefrom. On that account, we concur that Master Lelouch is healing well."
Shaking his head, he continues, "Rather, the complication is of a more esoteric nature that I am not at liberty to explain without your permission given the present company, and the fact that I have only theory to demonstrate my hypothesis."
Present company? Is he talking about Kallen and the others? More esoteric...Geass.
"They know about Geass. What does Geass have to do with this?"
The jowly scientist nods at that clarification, "Ah. Then I shall proceed. What my colleague is refusing to accept, and what I am all but certain is happening, is that Master Lelouch is somehow affected by a geass, or something akin to one. Alpha Waves are only produced by waking minds, not ones slumbering or in a coma. If he were still unconscious, his mind would not be active. To remain incapacitated as he is, and still be producing alpha waves, and moreover, matching pattern scans taken from my research in Code R? No, my queen. There is something supernatural afoot here. Hence why I am opposing the use of stimulants in this case."
Geass? But how? There's no one here who has a geass that could affect him. The only geass wielder here besides him is Mao...Mao!
"Mao, can you please use your geass on Lulu?'
Mao looks up from the book he was reading, nodding as his eyes shift to the familiar crane sigil before he blinks and then turns to look at me.
"Mom...something's weird. I can't sense someone who's asleep normally. But I can sense him, and it feels...wrong." he says after a moment, struggling with the last word.
Wrong..? Ah. He must not be sure of the right word in japanese or english.
"Mao, say it in Chinese if that helps."
"妈妈,就像他的心在那儿,但是在毯子下。我可以说出来,但是我几乎听不到任何声音。我现在正专注于他,所以我应该能够听到一切。怎么了?和他一起?" ("Mom, it's like his mind is there, but it's under a blanket. I can tell it's there, but I can barely hear anything. And I'm focusing on him right now, so I should be able to hear everything. What's wrong with him?") he says with a disconcerted and worried look on his face, not understanding what his geass is telling him.
As off putting as he finds it, it's more alarming to me. Because his geass doesn't work like that. It either works or it doesn't. It can't sense a mind that isn't producing active thoughts, and it certainly doesn't have issues when he's focused on a single mind.
"So...would now be a good time to mention that this sounds exactly like that brain raid technology I reappropriated from the W-0 unit? Because it really feels like a good time for that," Laila pipes up, an unnaturally cheery smile on her cherubic face.
At that announcement, everyone's eyes are laser focused on the little hellion, who is preening under the attention. Being an OSI operative, no one is surprised she understood Mao's chinese. Rather, it is what she said that has our attention.
"Laila. Start talking, now please."
Standing up from her seat and dusting off her skirt, Laila gestures to Lelouch's unmoving form, "What Mao here described sounds like the effects of someone who was using the Brain Raid system and suffered a sudden shock. Their minds would go dormant, active, but not fully awake. That's exactly what happened to Takeru Randle, the husband of the woman who invented it, and probably why she sold her services to the W-0 in hindsight."
Bartley and Rakshata look at Laila, a gleam of madness, doubtless from the crime against nature soon to be born from whatever they've come up with.
At one time, I might have been more squeamish, or apprehensive at that thought. Now? I care not what laws of science or god I offend. I would storm the gates of heaven to have him back.
"Your Highness, do you have data on this system? I need to compare it against my own data from Code R?"
Laila shrugs, pulling out her PDA and tapping a few keys on it, "You have access to it now. If you can rouse brother dear from his Sleeping Beauty impression, all the better. I still need to tell him 'I told you so' after all."
Moving over to a chair after letting go of Milly, I sag bonelessly into it, letting out a long and tired sigh. So close, and yet so far. With luck, perhaps this will be the last obstacle to returning him to us.
"Aha! There! You see?! I was right, Dr. Chawla, the patterns have a 90% correlation! This proves my theory was correct!" Bartley chortles, a triumphant smile on his lips as he points to the screen on his laptop, Rakshata frowning as she reads the information.
"Harami saale..fine. You were right, Bartley," the indian doctor says, taking a deep pull off her pipe, brows furrowed in frustration. (Son of a bitch)
Rivalz waves his hand in the air as if asking a question in a classroom, which I suppose isn't that far removed for him and Milly. The people in this room are the next generation, the ones who will inherit this world from the fools in charge now.
"Ok...so this is a good thing, right? Can't we just use this Brain Raid thing to wake him up?"
At that question, Rakshata shuts her eyes and turns away.
"No. We previously decided this technology was too dangerous to pursue save in a limited research capacity. As it is, we'd need to build out this system from scratch, test it, and then do research on how it could be used to revive Lelouch."
"And that's before you consider that the last person who tested it ended up in a coma and he was the husband of the inventor, who is also not here," Laila pipes up in a tone that is clearly her trying to be snide and hide how upset she is.
Wait. A system can link minds together. A mind lost inside itself. A system based on Geass itself..
..How could I have been so god damn stupid?! CC, you idiot peasant girl!
"Everyone move aside. I'm fixing this now," I say, standing up, my gaze hardening as I walk slowly to my husband's side.
"Big sister CC what are you-?" "I'm going to use my Code and enter his mind directly. I have waited long enough. If this darkness that plagues him is akin to geass, then I will save Lelouch myself."
Bartley's eyes widen as he looks at me, "But there is no way to know what the risk is. You could end up destroying his psyche or causing irreparable damage! A stroke or seizure could kill him at this point!"
Does he think I don't know that? That I'm not aware of the risks? That I'm not aware that I could be signing his death warrant myself by attempting this?!
"I swore to myself that I would never let him go. I will place my faith that his mind and will are strong enough to withstand this. I will save Lelouch. Now get out of my way."
The steel in my voice causes his jaw to clamp shut and his corpulent body to shift out of the way meekly.
"...CC."
I turn to Kallen, raising an eyebrow as she tries to stare me down-eh?
Blue meets agate as she hugs me, her strong arms wrapping around me as she sighs.
"..Bring that smug dickhead back. He still owes me answers," she whispers, her grip tightening for a moment as she nuzzles against me.
Heh. Tsundere to the last. I'm glad that part of her hasn't changed.
Taking a deep breath, I hold onto his cheeks, my Code awakening as reality starts to fall away-
"妈妈!" (Mama!)
Mao?! No! Get back before-!
This part is never the same. A tunnel. Images flashing. Horrifying things from deep within the psyche. Landscapes and visions of worlds only captured in the eyes of dreamers and artists. Strands of DNA flowing. None of it real or ordered in any fashion. It's just a mind trying to make sense of synaptic nerve connections, electrical impulses and trying to conceptualize it in a way that can be understood.
That's what I tell myself anyway. The alternative is one I don't care to deal with. Madwoman I may be, but the idea of heaven, hell, or higher planes, is not a comforting thought.
As I float through the starry void of space, worlds, comets, stars and other celestial phenomena passing me by, my eyes glance over my glowing form and the surrounding area.
"There's probably a metaphor for intellectual honesty or lack of duplicity in my showing up here naked. That, or Lelouch's mind is just horny after being blueballed for a few months," I whisper to myself, chuckling.
A stupid joke, yes. But one can excuse me for trying to keep a level head given the delicacy of what I'm doing. And more importantly, finding my son before he gets lost in this place.
Hmm, images floating on their own, tasting colors, seeing sounds drifting past me. His mind is a fascinating and intense experience. Not many people can conceive of synesthesia as a casual experience or visualize something this vast.
"妈妈!" (Mama!)
"Mao!" I cry out as I hold my arms out to him, as he flails around in space, caught in the orbit of a passing moon.
Drifting by, my eyes hear singing as I catch Mao in my arms, stroking his hair as he stares wide eyed at the celestial tapestry around us.
"Mama...what...what is this place?"
What indeed.
"We're inside Lelouch's mind. Now YOU young man, are going to explain just what you thought you were doing," I say sternly, looking down at him with narrowed eyes as I hold his shoulders.
Bashfully, he looks away, lip trembling as his voice quivers, "我...我为你担心。我不想让你迷路。我以为我可以帮忙..." (I...I was worried about you. I didn't want you to get lost. I thought I could help..)
Oh Mao..my dear sweet boy. I don't deserve a son like you after all I've put you through.
"You shouldn't have come here. Traveling through minds is a dangerous thing even for me. I can recover from anything thanks to my Code, but you? You're mortal. The traumas hidden within the human psyche can overwhelm even me at times."
And trauma is a wholly inadequate term for the disaster zone that is Lulu's unresolved issues and night terrors. He's talked about it at times, but even I, his wife, can tell he's not letting me hear the whole story. Whether because it pains him to talk about it, or because it paints him in a bad light, I have a bad feeling we're going to find out soon enough.
"Mao, I am very cross with you, and you're grounded as soon as we get back. You know Lelouch..is troubled. I can't send you back, not without possibly causing a shock to his mind or hurting him. So-"
My son clutches onto me, his long arms wrapping around as he nods his head, "I'm sorry mama. I was bad. I'll be good. I just wanted to help..,"
The gentle sound of a smooch somehow echoes in the silence as I kiss his forehead, the smells of moxa, ginseng, and mountain spring breezes on my lips.
"I understand. Just stay close to me. I promise I'll make sure you get through this safely."
Hmm, where to go? The stars, comets, and other phenomena don't give any clue as to what is important. If he were conscious, there might be some order to this. As it is, there's no sense of up or down, and my senses are distorted. I can see eyes holding me, hands smelling me..if this wasn't so dangerous, I might honestly be tempted to revel in the sensations for a moment.
"妈妈他在这我看不懂他的想法,但我觉得他...那样," Mao says, pointing towards a swirling galaxy held in the palm of a hand made of stone. (Mama, he's here. I can't read his mind, but I feel he's...that way.)
"Mao...we're inside his mind. How can you-"
He shakes his head and points at the galaxy, "I don't know. I just know I can feel something there."
It's as good a place as any to start looking. Not like there's any kind of order or direction here. He's not leaving the kitchen, or the bedroom, for a month after he's recovered. No pizza in bed, my perfect ass. I, am going to eat pizza off your chest while you're balls deep in me as you're tied down. And there's nothing you can do about it.
"allons-y mon fils," I say as we float through the rings of a planet that could be Saturn, if looking at it didn't make my tongue taste words. Gah. This is getting distracting. (Let's go, my son.)
After a moment, we're seated in the palm of the stone hand, and now that we're up close, the galaxy itself is...flat. It's a two dimensional image on a plane, almost invisible if seen from the side.
Slowly, my hand reaches out to touch the spinning disc, a sensation of cool heat passing through me as I feel for..something, anything to tell me what to do here. Hmm? Now what have we here? Something misty and heavy in my hand.
Pulling my arm back, I'm struck silent at what I'm holding, the object revolving in my hand despite my grip on it.
Jupiter in miniature, the symbol of Geass pulsing on its face.
Suddenly a sensation of heaviness, as if something was holding my head and forcing it to turn grips my face, my eyes centering on the symbol as the sphere grows, encompassing everything in my vision, nothing exists save Jupiter, the totality of the void is Jupiter.
What the hell is happening?
The world turns sideways, my sense of balance spinning as Jupiter flashes, images passing before my eyes.
A life unlived, a world torn by war, a man who died for the sake of all, tragedy wrought by careless words and actions, a flag of lions&serpents burning, a skull emblazoned with the symbol of geass upon its brow, an cycle of war and hatred, a crane pierced by a sword, an endless corridor of masks, great gears and machinery turning eternally…
Just as suddenly as it began, Mao and I find ourselves crouched on a flat surface covered in black, our senses our own again, the world's unreality at bay as the disorientation fades.
"妈妈,你还好吗?" (Mama, are you ok?)
I take a deep breath before I respond, letting my equilibrium settle, "是的,只是头晕。毛,你还好吗?" (Yes, just dizzy. Are you alright, Mao?)
Hmm? Something is different. Mao looks..different?
"Mama! What happened to you?"
To me? I look down at my hands...what the? When did I get a qipao and long boots? Egyptian blue is a rather nice color, and I do like the thigh highs, but that doesn't explain why I'm wearing this.
!
"Mao...you….you're young again…," my voice nearly breaks seeing him like this again, back when he was innocent, a child of six, before I cursed him with his geass for my own death wish.
"Huh? Wow! I'm a little boy again! What happened?" he says, moving his limbs in astonishment, as I note that he's wearing a miniature purple changshan, the traditional long robe of chinese men. What's going on here?
Standing up and looking around our surroundings, something odd stands out. There are alternating spaces of black and white around us in squares...oh, of course. I should have realized this already.
After all, one can't go through the mind of a chessmaster without encountering a chess board at least once. Perhaps it's a good sign that we're getting closer to his sleeping psyche.
Would be nice if Asshole could give us a sign.
As we walk across the board, various chess pieces appear scattered around us, the faces and poses of people we know. Kallen and Suzaku as Knights, Ohgi as a bishop, Tohdoh as a rook, myself as a queen..that is a beautiful dress. Hopefully I'll remember the design enough for him to recreate it.
"Mama! Look!" Mao says as he runs forward towards the black king piece. Heh, who else could it be but him, wearing the Zero suit.
"I can feel him! He's this way!" he yells excitedly, running back to drag me along as we stand in front of the statue, the cape sweeping back, his right arm raising a sword to the sky as his gaze follows it, left hand extended with his fingers spread, as if beckoning the watcher to grasp his hand.
The instant we touch it, we find ourselves in a garden surrounded by flowers, a pavilion nearby styled in classical victorian style, a large country villa overlooking…
I know this place. It's been 8 years since I left it, but I could never forget Aries Villa.
"Hurry up, big brother!"
We turn around, as a young Nunnally, wearing a pink dress and petticoat runs past, a Lelouch who can't be more than eight or nine years old, breathing hard as he runs after her.
This...this is Lelouch's memories. We must be getting closer to our objective.
"Mama, where is this?"
Taking Mao's hand, I point at the villa off in the distance, "That, is Aries Villa. This is the house Lelouch and Nunnally grew up in. We're in the memories of his childhood."
"Lelouch! Nunnally! It's time for tea!"
"Coming, mother!"
Hearing that voice again makes my heart clench. Mari...why? I joined up with you and Charles because I loved you and because you wanted to ease my pain and grant my wish. Was it a lie? Was the only thing you cared about you and your husband's plan? Were you using me from the start? Or was I simply too lost to care about our goal?
Fortunately, we're just observing the memories, so they won't react to our passing through. I don't know if I want to face her, or even could at the moment. I raised that girl, made her everything she was, loved her as both a daughter, and as a lover.
Which ironically, makes her getting squeamish about the details of my sex live with her son absolulely hilarious.
"妈妈,你为什么在窃笑?" (Mom, why are you snickering?)
Mao squirms a bit as I ruffle his hair, smiling softly, "Just reminiscing. I had some happy memories here, for a time."
Ah, the ballroom. Soirees, dances, Ashford parties...I must admit, I do miss it at times.
"Mao, take a look around. Just stay where I can see you, go, have fun."
My son looks up and blinks at me, "妈妈你还好吗?" (Are you ok, mom?)
All I can do is sigh as I kneel to look him in the eye, "I was a terrible mother to you. Just this once, I want you to enjoy being a child, the childhood I took away from you. Please, go play, for me?" my eyes watering a bit as I hold his shoulders.
He nods, grasping onto me in a hug, "好的,妈妈。我还爱你." (Ok mom. I still love you.)
Those words...those beautiful shimmering words...my heart clenches both in remembered pain, and a spark of joy that he can still feel that way after everything. I might have been angry at Lelouch for making me remember this pain once, but..it says I'm still human in a way I thought I'd lost.
As Mao goes to play with the phantoms of Lelouch and Nunnally, my hand touches my face, a droplet of liquid drifting down across my cheek.
Hmm?
I turn my cheek as someone dabs a handkerchief at the other tear falling. Well well. A masked suitor asking me to dance? And that tune in the background...I know this song. Heh, why not? I can take a moment to enjoy this.
Curtsying, my voice opens up into song, "Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
A nice slow romantic jazz number. Perfect for a waltz.
"Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me"
Hands on each other's waists, slowly shifting back and forth. I remember doing this with Marianne, she always was fond of jazz. Though getting her to not lead the dance all the time was a trial in of itself.
"Say "nighty night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me"
There's something...familiar about my partner. The way he moves, a martial artist? I'd like to see his face. Pity he's hiding it behind a venetian mask, Comedia, unless I miss my guess.
"While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me"
The moonlight reflecting off polished marble, candlelight giving a soft glow, a piano and violin accompanying my voice, it's enough to set any heart aflutter. And yet...something is missing.
"I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this"
I wish I could just dance the night away, to let all my cares and worries disappear, dancing with the one I love, just the two of us…
"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you"
...Oh. Of course. Who else could it be? Who else could make me feel this comfortable, this relaxed, this..off guard?
"But in your dreams, whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me"
The lovely tones of Doris Day's song echo as my hand snatches away my partner's mask, revealing a softly smiling Lelouch.
"Who, except you, my darling asshole?" I whisper to him as I caress his cheek.
I knew it was too good to be true. That this place was too perfect. But for one moment...I wanted it to be.
"Your mind is a dangerous place. Even unconscious in a coma, there are still mirages to make one lose their way."
Lulu places a hand on my lips, his eyes darting to the side, alighting upon a wooden door studded with iron decorations forming the symbol of Geass done up in a medieval style.
Our lips touch ass my eyes close, the phantom sensation on my lips lingering only for a moment as I taste a hint of purple and spice, a song of colors in my ears.
When I open my eyes, my husband is nowhere to be seen. But that's alright. I know where to go now.
"Mao."
My son walks over, looking around the now silent ballroom, "妈妈大家都去哪里了房间..现在感觉很奇怪。" (Mama, where did everyone go? The room..it feels weird now.)
Taking his hand as we walk to the door, I feel the shape changing, returning to his original teenage size.
"This was a trap. A distraction to make us forget where we were and what we were doing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have fallen for it."
Mao looks lost in thought for a moment before he wraps me in a hug, "It's ok mom. I enjoyed playing for a little while. But..I don't want to be a little boy forever."
I pat him on the back, eyes wet as my arms hold my son close. You're really better than I deserve, my little Mao.
"你是个好孩子,毛。妈妈为你感到骄傲。" (You're a good boy, Mao. Mama is proud of you.)
There's no way to know where this door leads, but I'm certain it's where we're supposed to go. Though it's obvious some part of him doesn't want us getting closer.
The question is, what will we find? And what is keeping his mind lost in its endless slumber..?
つつく。。。 (To be continued)
