Revolution 4.2: Welcome to My Nightmare, Part 2: Darkness Imprisoning Me
Part of me is disappointed that there was nothing behind the door except a stairway. Really Lulu, are you trying to be cliched about this?
A stone circular staircase leading down somewhere. How original. The things I do for that man.
"Mao, can you sense anything?" I ask as I grab a torch from a wall sconce, peering down the steps, looking for anything out of the ordinary.
My son shakes his head, his hand gripping mine.
"No...well, sorta. There's something there. But it feels...wrong."
Wrong? He said that before we entered into Lelouch's mind. We can't be too far from the end of this.
"Whatever it is, we have to face it head on. I've waited long enough to get my husband back," I say as we move silently down the steps, my grip tightening on the torch and on his hand.
Hmm? That's odd..did the walls just flicker?
"You can't go, Lelouch. You need to fulfill your part of our bargain so I won't have you dying before that."
What was….that voice..it sounded like..
My eyes widen in surprise as the walls around us fade away, a projection of a scene from the past appearing on the walls and all around us, the stairs the only thing remaining...wait.
That's...that's me, holding a gun on Lelouch?
"You honestly think you can threaten me with a gun?"
Why the hell is he holding a gun on me? Why am I threatening him with one? What's going on here? He's pointing it...at himself?!
"Yes I do. Until I met you, I was dead. An impotent corpse existing behind a false guise of life. A life in which I did nothing real. Day to day, I merely went through the motions of living as if I were a zombie. And I always had the feeling that I was gradually dying. If I'm condemned to go back to that, then I'd rather..."
That does sound like him, how he was before we met...but something is wrong.
"Stop it! I see now; it's life without meaning, and a life like that..."
A life like that isn't worth living. However? I don't remember this happening. Now we're in...Saitama. But...this is wrong. We lost? That isn't what happened. Lelouch tried to attack Cornelia head on by sneaking in with a knightmare?
What kind of hare-brained idiocy is this?! I would tie his egomaniacal ass upside down in shibari if he thought something like this was a good idea!
"You sore loser. If you're really that good, you should be able to set up conditions the way you want."
...But he did set them. He crushed Cornelia and slaughtered the Yamatos himself. This isn't what happened. Why is he remembering this?
"That's what I'll do then, I'll set them up. I'll raise an army that can't lose to Britannia. A people; a nation!"
That sentiment..he did say something like that. But it wasn't here. It was after Narita, when Kaguya and I pulled his head out of his ass after he got pissy that Katase ruined his plans.
" Let's put an end to this. With your specialty."
This...this never happened. That's Mao, facing down Lelouch in a chess match in a church?
"Well if it isn't Casanova. No weapons. No strategy. You didn't defuse the bomb. Didn't deploy the Black Knights or your friend. What's wrong Lulu?"
"Mom, what's going on? I don't remember this..," Mao says, looking alarmed at the demented grin on the other version of him, clearly recovering from injuries as he plays a game of chess against Lelouch, who is looking increasingly panicked as he's losing.
The sounds of a guitar being played pricks my ear as Lelouch casts his geass upon the other Mao, a look of absolute fury on his face.
"MAO! NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!"
Mao, the one by my side clutches onto me, his face terrified at the scene around us as the other him runs out of the church, only for him to smile widely, his mouth uttering gibberish as he hobbles towards my person, clad in a blue businesswoman's suit, a look of sorrow on my features.
"I did love you, Mao." the other me whispers as she holds up a pistol to the injured Mao's head.
"Mom! No! Stop! I'll be good! I'll be good! Please, don't!" my son screams in horror as the other version of him's eyes widen in fear at what is about to happen.
"Mao, I want you to go and wait for me…in C's World."
The silenced pistol can barely be heard as the music continues to play, the song beginning to pick up in tempo as the other Mao's lifeless body drops to the ground, geass fading from his eyes as my doppelganger embraces him, her eyes closed in silent sorrow.
Holding my Mao tightly to my side, I force us both to move down the stairs as a voice begins singing, the projection shimmering and changing as we descend.
"I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream"
I know what this is. It threw me off kilter at first, but it should have been obvious.
This is the original timeline. What happened in Lelouch's last life, the one that he spoke of to me.
"Mao! Listen to me! This isn't real. It didn't happen. Do you understand this? This didn't happen! You're here with me right now! I would never do that to you!" I say to my son, holding him to my side as I push to move away from the hellish vision.
...That's why. That's why he spared Mao. He didn't want me to have to kill my child again.
"Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me"
So this is the final gauntlet. A trip down Lelouch's worst memories and his greatest failures.
"Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see"
"..The things I do for love," I mutter as I stroke Mao's hair, both of us sitting on the steps a moment to catch our breath.
"That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now"
"什么...那是什么?" (What..what was that?)
Nothing to do but press on. And hope that Mao is alright. The faster we're out of here, the sooner we can relax. This place...it's more dangerous than the rest of his mind, I can feel it.
"A life once lived. Things that could have happened, but didn't. Do you know what time travel is, Mao?"
My son blinks at me, tilting his head, "Lelouch is from the future?"
Ugh. I hate giving out explanations. This is Asshole's job to explain his screwed up and aberrant personality, not mine!
"...Close. He's from a future. One he's trying to change. These are his memories of it. Sufficit to say, things went very very badly."
Mao frowns, looking around the stone stairway, "妈妈,你为什么爱他?" (Mom, why do you love him?)
Trust children to ask the hard questions. Very well. Judging by what we've seen so far, it's only going to get worse as we get deeper, so this is as good a time as any to catch our breath.
"It's hard to say there's any single reason. He's intelligent, frighteningly so. Charismatic? Oh yes. Pretty enough to be called beautiful. There are plenty of reasons for any man or woman to fall for him. And yet…"
A smile plays at my lips as I close my eyes, "Those are all good points in his favor, but one of the things I like the most? Is that he doesn't take himself too seriously, he can take a joke. Do you know why I call him 'Asshole'?"
This ought to be good. I wasn't expecting to have to explain our pet names, but it's hardly the worst thing I could elaborate on. Thank hell Mao hasn't asked me about sex yet, that's not a conversation I want to have anytime soon. Well, no, he probably knows about it in the abstract, but asking me why people enjoy it etc? No thank you, I'll gladly put that one off awhile longer.
"Umm, because you want him not to be too proud?"
...That isn't right, but it's not wrong either. Clever boy.
My hand ruffles his messy hair as I raise an eyebrow, "That's part right. I would say it's more that he...honestly is kind of an asshole to people at times. It's part of his charm, in a peculiar way."
"Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, wake me"
Disturbing subject matter for a song. Is his mind trying to tell us something?
"I don't understand."
Merde, do I really have to get into this?
"He's rude, war-like, argumentative, hot blooded, an enormous ham bigger than most butcher shops, an absolute drama queen, egomaniacal and…"
"但是这些都是坏事…不是吗?" Mao says with a tilt of his head, clearly not understanding my explanation. (But those are bad things...aren't they?)
A sigh escapes my lips as I stand up, cracking my neck, "Yes, they can be. But they can also be parts of what makes someone interesting. I've been around for a long time, Little Mao. For someone like me, finding someone who makes life worth living is a treasure beyond reason. If it were me who was lost in a coma or some other peril, do you think Lulu wouldn't move heaven and earth to get me back?"
Ahh, now he understands, I hope at least.
"I saw in his mind, mom. He loves you enough that...I'd be scared of what would happen if he lost you. I...I don't think I can call him papa. That feels weird. But if he makes you happy, that's what matters, right?" he asks with such a clear and innocent tone that my eyes water for a moment as I hug him.
"Let's..let's keep going. I want to get out of here quickly."
"Oh no you've got it all wrong. When I really want people to follow my orders they will not resist me. Whether it's to shoot me, to grant pardon to Suzaku, or any order at all."
Oh no.
As we descend down the staircase, the guitar playing continues in the background, the singer's voice plaintively calling out to whoever is listening.
"Back in the womb, it's much too real
In pumps life that I must feel"
The scene around the staircase fades and changes to the inside of a G-1 Base as Lelouch in the Zero suit stands with Euphemia, the geass in his eye shimmering into existence as he speaks.
"I'm serious for example if I told you to kill all the Japanese it wouldn't matter how you felt about it."
Oh no. This is the moment. The moment everything fell apart. Lelouch's greatest sin.
"No! Don't make me do it please. I'm not... I'm not going to do it please! I don't want to kill them. No!"
"I've become like Mao. I can't control my Geass power!"
As Euphie sinks to her knees, holding her sides, shaking as she tries to do the impossible and fight off the insidious and clearly accidental geass command, I find myself struck dumb at the sheer absurdity of it, in an abstract sense.
Really? The very moment he makes the stupidest possible joke that could go wrong, this happens? Merde, how much bad luck can one person have?!
"But can't look forward to reveal
Look to the time when I'll live"
The scene around us shifts to show Euphemia standing at a podium addressing a stadium full of Japanese people, ones who came to this idea of hers, a special administration zone. Ha. As if this idea would have ever worked. But even so...
"To all those who call themselves Japanese, I have a favor to ask! Do you all mind dying?"
This, this did not need to happen. Lelouch didn't have the strength to cut down her dream as the fairy tale it was, and as a result, this senseless tragedy happened.
"I want you all to just simply fall off the cliff but it's impossible, right? So I order all my fellow Britannians-kill all the Japanese!"
Massacres like this aren't anything new to me. Indeed, I've personally orchestrated several when I sacked cities during my crusade on the Church, or when I was fighting with the Mongols, or other warlords. The only difference is the scale of this, and the reason. It's one thing to slaughter defenders and civilians in a bloody siege and taking of a city.
"Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty"
It's quite another for an occupying army to butcher a civilian population of a city under their rule when there's no reason for the butchery. It's just..so utterly pointless.
Mao holds a hand over his mouth as his eyes water at the carnage around us. Young, old, healthy, sick, mothers, businessmen, and children. All are cut down equally and turned into blood, bone and lumps of flesh. Some aren't even recognizable as human bodies, the products of knightmare rounds being used on human targets.
"Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, wake me"
TO HELL WITH THIS!
"Mao! Close your eyes and hold my hand! I've had enough of these endless nightmares! We're going to keep moving down these stairs until we find Lelouch! Just tell me if I'm going the right way!"
Ignore the memories, CC. They're the remnants of what was, and what shall never be.
"Without death all we have are random events. Accumulation. You can't call that life. If you have a reason for living then you have to kill me. Do that and you'll be Charles' equal. You'll finally be able to beat him. So fare thee well Lelouch. You're too kind to end our contract."
...You bastard. Showing me this? You think this will shake my resolve?
"Don't die looking like that. You should come to death smiling."
Bah! The words of a boy, what does he know about me? What right did he have to tell me how I should live or die?
Wait, what? What. What the hell did I just do to myself?!
"Are you my new master? I can clean and help prepare food for cooking. I can also fetch water and tend cows and sew. I can read a little and count to twenty. I can even carry away corpses if you need that."
...I sealed away my own memories? Why the hell would I do something so ridiculous?
A grimace overtakes my face as a flash of light momentarily blinds me from the next memory. Oh. This is what Lelouch denied...the pandora's box.
FLEIJA.
The pink sphere of light grows and pulses as it encompasses half of Tokyo, and then subsides into a shrinking vacuum, the winds tearing apart more of the city.
"那是什么?!它使这座城市瞬间消失了!" Mao whispers, raw fear in his eyes at the unbridled destruction unfolding. (What is that?! It made the city vanish in an instant!)
"Now the world is gone, I'm just one
Oh God, help me"
"A demon born of science and a young girl's grief-filled desire for vengeance. Pray that it never comes to pass this time."
Hmm? Is that...Anya Alstreim? No, wait. That's not her. So you came to find me after all, Marianne?
"CC, why did you seal off your own code just when you had what you wanted? Charles was ready to grant your greatest wish, your wish to die, but you stopped him."
"Even I don't know why I did it. Actually I'm a little shocked that I did."
That makes two of us, you stupid bitch. What, did dealing with Lulu's head up his ass and not getting fucked regularly rot our brain? Gods be damned, was I that depressed and apathe-...ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.
"Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, help me"
When do these fucking stairs end?!
"The punishment for what you've done shall be this then; you will live on, always wearing that mask serving as a knight for justice and truth. You will no longer live your life as Suzaku Kururugi. You shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life for the benefit of the world, for eternity."
...Your swan song, Asshole? I must admit, it's poetic. There's a singular genius and tragedy of cursing your best friend with your mantle to ensure the peace and stability of the world.
"This Geass I do solemnly accept, my first and dear friend."
Pity it's too idealistic to work long term. Perhaps I'm wrong and it worked out well enough to make the world a better place for most people.
"You mean...everything you've done until now? Oh, big brother! I love you!"
But not for the ones who loved you, you self absorbed megalomaniacal twit!
You broke all our hearts and set yourself up as the great villain to be vanquished for the world's peace, and for what? To assuage your guilty conscience? To atone for your mistakes?
"Stupid smug melodramatic peacock, you think I'm going to let you wallow in this misery? You wanted me to care about my life, Lelouch. Well guess what, Asshole?" I mutter as Mao and I march down the stairs, my gaze laser focused on the path forward. I am done with this nonsense.
"I said that Geass was the power of the king which would condemn you to a life of solitude. I think, maybe, that's not quite correct. Right, Lelouch?"
You don't get to propose to me in the middle of a battle and then fuck off into a coma while worrying us all sick for months on end! I'll drag you back from this even if I have to get on my back for the devil himself!
Aha! Finally at the end of those damned stairs! And judging by the music reaching a crescendo and the portcullis barred with locks and chains, this must be something important.
"Mao. Is this it?"
My son blinks, scratching the side of his head, trying to peer past the darkness for a moment before turning back to me.
"I..think so? This is where my geass says his mind is, but...I don't know what's past that door. I can't read it."
Close enough. This being a place of the mind and will, it's a simple matter for me to summon forth a copy of my trusty arming sword and buckler. I have come too far to be stopped by a mere portcullis. Whatever you're hiding, my dear husband, it will not dissuade me.
"Stand back, Mao. I'm going to break down the door."
Normally, this would be idiotic. I'm nowhere near strong enough to shatter iron chains and portcullises. However, this isn't reality.
"Ha!" I yell as I bring my sword down in a two handed strike diagonally, cleaving the chains in half and rending a gap in the portcullis large enough to step through. Not too shabby.
"Lelouch! Where are you?" I proclaim as I step through, Mao following me, looking around the stone chamber, the light from the torches on the walls not quite reaching the back...wait. There's someone there. A cloaked figure chained in a kneeling submission pose, their arms stretched out behind their back.
"Lulu!" I exclaim as I move to him, the sound of my heels echoing on the stone.
I must have woken him up, he's moving and shaking the chains. Wait, why did the tempo change on the song just now..?
"Darkness imprisoning me!
All that I see!"
"妈妈!回来!有点不对劲!" Mao screams out as I stop in my tracks as the figure pulls at the chains, the metal rattling as it struggles, a low growling sound emanating from...it's face? No, that's an iron mask of some kind. (MOM! GET BACK! SOMETHING'S WRONG!)
Something is dripping from its body. I can hear it hitting the floor..I know that scent. It's fresh blood. I can see wounds on his body weeping..oh no...they're the same...the same wounds he had when he was pulled out of the Gawain..
"Absolute horror!
I cannot live!
I cannot die!"
The chains pull taut as the figure strains against their embrace, forcing itself to stand up despite it's injuries...that...that's not Lelouch...it's too large...the feeling is wrong...it's something inhuman..
"Trapped in myself!
Body my holding cell!"
The encumbrance around its body shatters with the shriek of tearing metal as the arms bound behind its back swing forward to slam fists in the ground, the sound of blood dripping the only accompaniment to the shrieking crescendo of the music.
"Landmine has taken my sight!
Taken my speech!"
The hands aren't the hands of a human, the fingers are too long and the shape is wrong, veins pulsing on the surface, bone on the outside, as if someone had created a parody of hands. The flesh on the arm is burned and warped, a grotesque fusion of metal and flesh, the muscles interlaced with steel and wire, blood pulsing through the macabre patchwork. I can see the chest now...there's no rib cage, or even flesh on the front of the torso. Just a hole straight through, the heart pumping blood uselessly through torn arteries, shrapnel and protrusions of steel forged into failed caricatures of rib bone peeking out.
"Taken my legs!
Taken my soul!"
Every instinct in my body is telling me this thing is wrong. But why? Why is this here?! Where is Lelouch?!
...Oh god. That IS Lelouch. This monster...this is his inner darkness. The gauntlet wasn't to keep us out.
"Left me with life in hell!"
It was to keep him chained. And we just set it free.
The iron mask crashes to the ground with a clang as the monster finally looks up at us, its face a hideous mockery of Zero's helmet, dominated by a single yellow bloodshot reptilian eye with the symbol of geass pulsing in the center, a mouth rimmed with serrated fangs spread wide, the heavy breathing of a hungering horror the only sound as the music suddenly...stops.
The sound of Mao's foot disturbing a pebble causes the eye to snap towards us, the pupil narrowing as its attention is focused completely on us.
And then it screams.
"GYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!"
In that instant a conflagration of flame erupts, burning away the dungeon and gloom, and revealing a brand new horror. Tokyo in ruins and flames, the city crumbling as the smell of blood and sound of screams fills the air.
The sound of drums starting up coincides with the wet squelch of flesh tearing as the beast pulls two broadswords from its obliques, the muscle ripping apart as the blades pull free.
"BERSERKER!"
The war cry of the song almost catches me off guard as the left sword swings out in a vicious slice aimed at my head, my reactions barely letting me duck under it.
"Mao! Get back!" I yell as my shield slams into his face, forcing him back a moment and giving me time to get my guard up. Merde, what a clusterfuck this is-woah!
A overhead strike splits the ground open in front of me as he brings both swords down towards my head, forcing me to dive out of the way, my blade slicing into his right thigh, eliciting a roar of pain from the creature.
"Betrayal! injustice!
Beheading of the innocent!
The spawn of evil celebrate!"
Tche. Of course his mind would set this insanity to more of that god damned heavy metal. En garde, mon amour. I'll put this devil down and set you free if it's the last thing I do. (On guard, my love.)
"Venez me prendre, roi démon!" I exclaim, pointing my sword at him to force his attention my way. The last thing I want is for him to go after Mao. So my best option, is to face him head on and force him to contend with me. (Come and take me, Demon King!)
His only response is a roar and the clanking of metal as he charges at me, swords swinging at me one after the other, the first blade in a horizontal slash that I parry, the second curving upward in an uppercut that I'm forced to dodge, but not without taking a slash across my torso.
Just a flesh wound. Fortunately, it seems my immortality is still in effect here. Or he believes it to be. Either way, I can't afford to get taken down. God only knows what he'd do to me if I'm incapacitated.
"Fierce anger!
Blind madness!
Invoke the beast of darkness!"
Downward diagonal cut towards my right shoulder, thrust towards my abdomen, followed by a sidestep into a slash. He's definitely still using his fighting style, which gives me an advantage. I know how Lelouch's style works, so I know where his weak points are.
Of course, the trouble is, this thing isn't quite using the same style. I grunt as I parry a backhand slash, gravel flying as I'm pushed back by the force of his blow, his follow up prevented by my slashing at his forearm tendons. Damn, was hoping he'd drop his weapon.
"Black roaring death takes over,
Spewing all its rage!"
His swords fly in a whirl, half of which I catch on my shield, the others I either parry or twist out of the way of. The force behind the blows is pushing me back regardless of how much momentum I'm bleeding off him by deflecting his attacks.
A quick roll gets me out of the way of his follow up thrust, putting me in position to stab him through the heart in the back-Quoi?! (What?!)
I can feel my jaw crack as the back of his fist crashes into my skull, caught off guard by his lack of reaction to my sword piercing straight through his ravaged heart.
The loss of my weapon bothers me far less than the fact that a blow that should have been an instant kill did nothing to it. Would cutting his head off fare any better?
"Like a hellraiser!
Monster of rage!"
Any musings I had are interrupted by an overhead strike with both swords, forcing me to backflip away from the blow, shrapnel from the impact flying into the air.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
A horizontal slash followed by a thrust and...got you! I spin away from the thrust, grabbing onto my blade, kicking his back as I pull the sword out, a spray of blood hitting me in the face as the force of my kick makes the monster stumble forward.
Luckily my son managed to get far enough away that I don't have to worry about him getting caught between us. Which sadly, leaves me the sole focus of my opponent.
Damnation.
Lelouch's fighting style is heavily offense oriented, and I was hoping the state of fury he's in would be a detriment to his skills. Unfortunately, his focus isn't disrupted by it. If anything, he's fighting better..
Of course. Because none of my strikes seem to actually stop him. And a berserker that doesn't respond to injuries is dangerous to themselves and their opponent. But a berserker who won't die? It would be hypocritical of me to deny that...
I'm enjoying this, on some level.
"Unleash the fury!
Through your sword of hate!"
I can read his next move, a four sword combination strike. One of his favorites The first two horizontal, the latter two delivered with a spin-gah! I cry out as the final strike from the left twists into a backhand uppercut digging into my side, my shield barely stopping it from cleaving me in half.
Damn, damn, damn! "Reste en bas, coquin!" I yell as my blade slashes his single eye across the retina, eliciting a shriek of pain as it grasps at it's wound with it's right hand, dropping it's sword, black blood spewing forth as it stumbles back. Come on, come on, heal! I can't fight him in a grappling contest, he has too much of a weight and reach advantage. Which means I need to keep my distance and hit him when he overextends. (Stay down, rascal!)
"Destroy and murder!
Retaliate!"
Less than a minute later, we're circling each other, the wound on his eye closing as the bloodshot iris glares at me. The cheeky smile I flash back at him is sadly offset by my spitting out some blood immediately after.
Steel clangs together as I block his strike, pushing against him in a contest of raw strength for a moment before slamming my shield edge into his chin in an uppercut that clamps his jaw shut from the blow.
"Harness the power!
Of the beast in black!"
"J'ai oublié mon bouclier, mon garçon?!" I taunt at him as my feet carry me back to catch my breath and rethink my strategy. (Forgot about my shield, boy?!)
Nothing seems to be working against him-
"DESTROY! BURN! RUIN! ALL MUST DIE BEFORE ME!"
Qu'est-ce que c'est?! (What the?!)
He can talk-?! My lapse in concentration costs me at one broken rib as a roundhouse smashes into my side, drawing a gasp of pain from my lips.
"LET NOTHING REMAIN OF THIS WORTHLESS WORLD! A WORLD THAT WOULD TAKE THEM FROM ME HAS NO RIGHT TO EXIST!"
The voice is wrong. It's twisted, bellowing, hoarse, almost echoing in it's loudness. Nothing like how he normally sounds. Which makes it all the more painful to hear. Lulu, darling, what is wrong with you?
"Berserker!"
Rolling to the side, I slash out at the tendons of his left ankle, causing him to almost fall before he stabs one of his blades into the ground to hold himself up.
"DIE IN THE NAME OF ZERO!"
Die in the name of Zero? Does he not recognize me? What does he mean, 'take them from him'..there's something I'm missing here.
A violent shriek of fury erupts from his fanged maw as he thrusts towards my chest, which I barely evade by stepping to the side, the concrete of the building shattering under the force of his blow.
"I seek no salvation, only retaliation!
These roots of wrath grow ever deep!"
The upper cut slash is knocked a side with a parry from my shield as I force him on the defensive, my shorter sword giving me the advantage to press his defenses from inside the optimal range of his broadswords. I can keep him off balance, but I'm not sure I can win this in a contest of stamina. Prolonging this fight too much could place too much strain on his actual body from the mental fatigue.
"THIS WORLD SHALL BE THEIR FUNERAL PYRE! ALL SHALL PERISH AS RETRIBUTION FOR MY GRIEF!"
Retribution for my...oh no. I've completely misunderstood this.
Blood sprays from my torso as his sword thrusts cleanly through my solar plexus, his armored heel kicking me back as he pulls the blade free, the piercing scream emanating from him causing the air around us to quake from the pressure.
This isn't rage and bloodlust, not entirely. It's pain and grief. He thinks he's lost all of us. He isn't screaming in fury, he's crying in sorrow.
He's drowning himself in blood to quench the sorrowful hole in his heart. His body...it's reflecting the trauma he went through. Something has driven him to the absolute brink of despair. Why else would he believe that we are all lost to him?
"Apostles, impostors!
Foul whores and putrid posers!
It's time you greet dragonslayer!"
A gasp escapes my lips as the monster turns it's blade on itself, a shriek of pain escaping it as it forces the blades all the way to the hilt through its chest, before yanking them free, falling to one knee, spitting up blood on the shattered concrete.
"The beast is back!
The beast in black!
The beast is back!
The beast in black!"
The Beast in Black. A fitting name for this reflection of everything Lelouch hates about himself and what he's done. Dare I say I'm impressed in a morbid way? 'If anyone can go beyond my despair..' indeed. Small wonder you understand me so well.
We're both apparently very morbid and depressed people. Is it divine providence, or the blessings of Naraka, as you might put it, that we found each other? I'm thankful either way. It makes all these hundreds of years worth it. Perhaps you really can grant my true wish..
"Tormented and wounded!
Branded and persecuted!
Torn inside out!
Yet here I stand!"
Watching him turn his blades upon himself and everything around him, I'm struck by a sense of pity for Lelouch. And utter disgust at my other self for letting him fall into such a terrible place. I could blame the others for not standing by him. But that would be rank stupidity. Lelouch himself is to blame for pushing away everyone else who could have stood with him and protected him from his own darkness.
None of that however, excuses my other self using him for her own ends and letting him fall into dark-..hahahahaha.
"Hahahaha...you son of a bitch...that's why..," I say laughing to myself as I wipe my eyes, looking with understanding at the beast stabbing itself repeatedly and bellowing to the heavens.
That's why you acted the way you did. You refused to let me use you. And why you tried to keep us all by your side. You didn't want to be alone again.
One can only look at how a kinder and more honest approach paid dividends this time. He has not been abandoned and scourged like a beaten dog-...maybe there's another way to handle this.
"Fierce anger, blind madness!
Invoke the beast of darkness!
No mercy, 'cause they all must die!"
This might be absolute idiocy, or it could be what finally breaks through to him. Either way, it's better than us ripping each other apart for eternity...or until Lelouch's physical body has a heart attack from the stress.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I stand up slowly, stabbing my sword into the ground and hanging my shield on it as I approach the shrieking demon at a sedate pace.
"妈妈?!你在干什么?!回来!他将再次进攻!" Mao screams out at me from his hiding place, his tone clearly terrified at seeing me disarm myself. No doubt he's worried that I'm trying to commit suicide fighting Lelouch unarmed. The worst part, is that he may not be wrong.
This is a gamble. Which amusingly means it might work, given whom I'm attempting this on. If not, well..
It was a short, but happy marriage. Of all my spouses over the years, you alone have understood me and truly made me happy.
That isn't to say I don't feel affection, warmth and even love for the other people in his life. I had a strong feeling when I decided to be involved with him that we'd have to share our attentions. But that's fine too. He chose well, and the two of us need other people to keep us on an even keel.
In the end though, it all hinges on him. He's the one who brought us all together. So, I'm going to try and get him back. For all of us.
"Like a hellraiser!
Monster of rage!"
"Lelouch! Listen to me. I was ready to give up on this world if Iost you," I say softly, heels clicking on the shattered concrete as he stops his self-mutilation, messily tearing his swords from his ripped open guts, animalistically panting, his reptilian eye turning towards my approaching form.
"Unleash the fury!
Through your sword of hate!"
"But this has gone long enough. I cannot let my husband destroy himself like this. We're all here, Lulu. We've always been here. You're surrounded by your loved ones and safe. All you have to do, is wake up."
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOHHHH!"
My hair blows backwards in a flurry of green as he gets to his feet, bounding towards me, murder in his eye and deadly intent in his stance, his blood slick blades moving into position for a full on assault.
"Destroy and murder!
Retaliate!"
In response, all I do is fall to a kneeling pose, hands clasped in prayer as I look at him, golden eyes wet with emotion.
"Harness the power!
Of the beast in black!"
"So please, Asshole, come back to me…" I whisper as the wind picks up from his impending attack, my eyes closing as I resign myself to suffering whatever brutality he will inflict on me in his maddened rage.
..Huh?
As my eyes open after a moment of not experiencing searing pain from being torn apart, I notice two things.
The music has stopped, and so has the beast.
His swords are paused inches from cutting into me, the metal rattling in his arms as he shakes in place, his single eye widened, the bloodshot retina looking at me in recognition.
Clang goes his swords as he drops them to the ground, his blood and shredded arms gently wrapping around me as he goes to one knee, enveloping me in a hug.
"...Bitch...tornado...?" he rasps out, the words coming out in a broken and guttural tone, his fanged jaw trembling in barely suppressed feeling.
Merde, it actually worked. Granted, I hope it would, but I expected to get ripped apart a few times before I got through to him. Thank whatever power is behind this for small mercies.
"Yes, it's me, Asshole. It's time to wake up now," I say as my hand strokes the side of his..mask..helmet...scales?, I'm not sure what this thing on his head is, honestly. But the gesture seems to calm him down regardless.
The world itself seems to pulse at that moment, reality itself cracking just a tad, the sound of gears grinding and machinery breaking echoing as a feeling of absolute malevolence surrounds us for a moment before fading into the aether.
Suddenly Lelouch throws himself backwards, clutching his head in seeming agony as he shrieks in pain.
"ARGGGGGGHHHH!"
Before I can move to get closer to him, the ground in front of us splits open, a vast chasm separating us, the sky itself starting to crack and splinter as he roils in agony.
"I!"
No! Lulu! Come to me, please! Don't fall back into the darkness! I can only gape in fear as he redraws his blades from his sides once again, lashing out at the world around him blindly.
"I AM!"
My eyes wide in absolute terror as the beast in black starts disintegrating bit by bit, it's body shattering like glass rapidly as the world itself mirrors it's destruction, buildings imploding and ripping holes into existence itself, the flames crystalizing before bursting apart like breaking ice.
"LELOUCH!" I scream out as a flash of light blinds me...and I find myself back in reality, the only sound I can hear...the shrill tone of a flatlining heart monitor.
..No.
No. No. No. NO!
"No...not like this...not after all of this..," I whisper as I collapse to my knees, holding his hand, fresh tears in my eyes as I lay my head on the bed, the water soaking into the fabric.
WHY?! After everything we went through, all our hard work, all the struggle, all of what we did to keep him alive...A FUCKING HEART ATTACK KILLS HIM?!
...Curse you, god, or devil. To give me false hope, to take him from me. I should go back to Charles and Vincent, just to see this world burn for taking him from me. It would be entirely justified to see it brought to ruin, after cheating me of my one chance of happiness like this!
...But I cannot. Long ago, I might have done so. Long ago, the fires of vengeance and spiteful hate against all creation would have driven me to aid their insane plan. However, I have not been that woman for a very long time.
Not since I threw my sword in disgust after nearly sacking Rome, when I finally realized my campaign against the church had gone too far. That I had become just as vile as that bitch Jean D'arc. I left Europia then, and only rarely returned.
I sought my death via the mechanism of the Sword of Akasha and passing my code to someone else to carry this terrible burden. How ironic, that the one thing which might have helped Lelouch recover in an instant, I couldn't give him. And knowing him, he'd have refused it anyway, the stubborn ass.
At the very least, I will take care of Nunnally for you, Lulu. It's the least I can do after all you've done for me.
"Damn you...Lelouch. Damn you Lelouch vi Britannia. Damn you...for breaking my heart again.." I sob out as I hold his hand, one last time.
Huh? What was that? I just felt something. Almost like…
The heart monitor suddenly starts beeping, slowly at first, but gaining in intensity after a moment.
...Yes. Yes. Yes! Please, please, please!
"妈妈!我可以再次感觉到他!他在这儿!他在这儿!" Mao cries joyously, hugging Milly as he smiles widely. (Mom! I can sense him again! He's here! He's here!)
At that moment, my heart bursts into new found joy as a voice I haven't heard in months finally lets itself be heard.
"我は。。。" (I am..)
His right hand suddenly tightens its grip on my own, my mouth open in a joyful smile as Lelouch vi Britannia finally opens his eyes again, a red glow emanating from them briefly before the familiar purple returns his gaze turning towards me and around the room.
"Welcome back, my asshole husband," I whisper to him as my arms wrap around him, enjoying the feeling of snuggling against him once again.
"I...missed..you..too...my...bitch...tornado...wife," his dry raspy voice replies, clearly not used to speaking after waking up from his coma, the rest of our little group crowding around him to join in the hug, eager to express their relief that he's finally back.
I take back what I said. Thank you, whoever or whatever you are. For giving me back my husband, my joie de vivre. (joy of life.)
