Revolution 5: Demon Days
Three. Fucking. Months. Fucking Darwin.
I suppose I should be thankful I passed out not too long after greeting everyone. The next time I woke up, Rakshata and Bartley, and wasn't that a pleasant surprise? General Bartley affirmed his oath of loyalty to me personally and swore eternal allegiance.
The incredulous look on my face must have been obvious, because CC was quick to reassure me that she was taking him at his word and his work in saving my life was enough to prove him trustworthy. Well, shit. I can't really complain about that.
The manner in which I was saved? A wee bit concerning. That I was in bad shape after Kewell tried to roast me like a barbequed steak should have been obvious. That my fucking nervous sytem was damaged to the point of dying?
I can't believe I'm still alive at this point. Not that I'm bitching about it, but god damn. The last things I remember are getting impaled by shrapnel, coughing up blood as CC was screaming…
There was one other thing. Something halfway between an acid trip and a nightmare. I was...fighting CC in the ruins of Tokyo? Blood, fire, pain, a feeling of immeasurable loss and unyielding rage...I never want to feel that again, whatever it was.
In and out of consciousness was the order of the day for a while, maybe a week? Rakshata and Bartley said something about my alpha waves being out of wack and that my brain needed to rest, most of which went over my head. Hard to argue with being told to sleep when you can't stay awake.
Now though? Though my energy levels are low compared to normal, and I've lost some muscle mass, I can at least sit up and hold conversations for awhile. Thus, my medical captors have deemed me safe to have visitors.
Firstly and obviously, my beloved Nunnally is-
..No.
How? Can it really be true?!
Tears stream down my eyes as my baby sister walks to me, leaning on Alice, her hand on my cheek, face a teary mirror of my own.
"Nunnally…"
She nods, smiling beatifically as Alice lets her use arm for support, moving to sit on the bed on the opposite side from CC. I can hear servos moving under her dress, what did Rakshata do?
"I'm..I'm not fully healed yet, Big Brother. I've been using a cane and doing physical therapy. I have a mechanized brace helping to supplement my healing and take the pressure off and-"
Whatever she was going to say in her babbling is cut off as I clutch her to my chest with what little strength I have in this body.
My sister, my Nunnally, my inspiration...she's walking again! SHE'S WALKING AGAIN!
A vision I wasn't sure I'd live to see, something I never saw last time. To see her running and playing again, what was stolen from her finally returned…
"It doesn't matter, Nunnally. You're walking again. You..you don't know how much this heals a hole in my heart to see this. I...I'm…"
This time it's her turn to shush me by a finger on my mouth as she gently smiles, "Big Brother, I could never blame you for any of this. I wouldn't be here, able to look you in the eye again, to walk to you, without you and everything you've worked so hard for. I..I know you have a lot to do. But please, for now? Rest and get better. We want you healthy and whole."
..I don't deserve her. How can she look me in the eyes after I've failed so badly? I may not know what's fully happened, but our being here in Area 18 is alarming enough.
"...Thank you, sunshine," I whisper, tears staining her dress as we cuddle.
Judging by the sour look Alice is giving me, she's still mad at me for upsetting her precious Nunnally. Not that I blame her.
A yelp of surprise escapes her lips as Nunnally pulls her into the hug, nuzzling her cheek.
"Alice, don't be mad at Big Brother. We wouldn't be together if it wasn't for him. I want my knight to get along with my brother, we're all family here."
Gods be damned, she's so cute when she's looking away and pouting like that. I have no doubt CC is restraining herself from shit disturbing right now. That girl would kill her way through an entire battalion to get to Nunnally, and yet a single harsh word from Nunnally would have her in tears.
"Alice Hargreaves. Never was a princess attended by a more loyal knight. I cannot thank you enough for protecting my sister and everything you've done for us."
Nunnally giggling at Alice flushing red and shifting her eyes from side to side after she plants a kiss on her cheek is a balm to my soul.
"Er, that is, umm...," she sputters in Nunnally's arms as I hold them both.
Well done, little sister.
Sadly, our visit had to be cut short. Rakshata has me on a strict visitor schedule. One or two visitors a day, if she thinks I'm up to it. Some days...I simply can't stay awake or coherent. I'm not sure how much time I've spent just sleeping and resting. Something to bring up when I'm coherent.
The worst part is the pain medication I'm on. Drowsiness, lack of focus, fatigue. Or alternatively?
Searing fucking pain akin to barbed swords piercing through my entire body when it wears off.
My nerves had to be replaced by cybernetics, including my spine. An act of mad science I didn't think even Britannia was capable of at this point. Something I'm glad to have been proven about.
Doesn't help with the excruciating nerve damage and phantom limb syndrome, or is that phantom nerve syndrome?, pain, but better than being dead.
One good thing about this and an unexpected side effect I'm enjoying?
"Ok seriously Lulu, cut it out. I get it, it looks cool. But it's also juuuuuust a bit creepy."
Milly's misgivings and Rivalz looking mildly disturbed aside?
Having the ability to make my eyes glow red is fucking badass.
Rivalz lights up a J, eyebrow raised as he moves to offer me one, which I reluctantly say no to. Damn doctors and their know-it-all bullshit. 'You can't smoke yet, we want to observe your system for any abnormalities.'
It's been over 3 months since I smoked, woman! I need my stress relief! That, and it would probably be better than the drugs they have me on.
"So...why are your eyes glowing red again? Cause I keep thinking you're gonna Geass me, and it's really making me nervous, Lulu," Rivalz says, rubbing the back of his head.
Shit.
"According to Rakshata, it's due to an unexpected interaction between the optic nerves, blood vessels, and the cybernetics in my brain. I can control it, but it seems to activate on it's own if I get..worked up. I can shut it off, thankfully. But it seems to have a timed toggle. I can't keep it off indefinitely. So rejoice! When people say I'm in a red eyed rage, they'll actually mean it!" I say with a laugh, and then wince from said laugh causing me some pain.
"You ok Buddy?"
Lie and say yes to comfort them, or tell the...hell no. I almost died again. Mincing words would be pointless.
"...No. I'm in pain, groggy, out of it, and wondering what I do now."
Milly reaches out, holding my hand, concern on her face as she brushes a lock of hair out of her face, "You really scared us, Lulu. We thought you were dead when we saw the Gawain crash through those buildings. The black box cockpit footage..," she starts to speak, then bites her lip, eyes watering.
Oh no. Please tell me they didn't show that..
"I didn't want to watch it, but CC insisted we see it, so we could know what you went through, and how impossible it is that you're still alive," she whispers, gripping my hand, shoulders trembling.
Here it comes…
"What were you thinking?! Why did you think it was a good idea to taunt Cornelia about you and Nunnally dying?! Why did you do something as dumb as dive bombing that flying orange?! Why did you taunt your evil uncle on an open broadcast?! What is wrong with you, Lelouch vi Britannia?!" she screeches at me, a slap striking my cheek.
Part of me wants to tell her off. To say she doesn't understand the stress of being in command. That she has no place to tell me how to run my campaign. That I had a plan.
None of which is true. And she knows me well enough to know when I'm lying, setting aside the fact that I hurt her and everyone else with this crazy stunt backfiring.
しがた じゃ ない。 Groveling it is. It's the least I can do for awhile. CC would have put me on the couch for this, if I was actually up for having sex anyway.
"..Millicent..I fucked up," I whisper quietly, slumping over as Rivalz moves to hold my other hand. The sound of a kettle whistling breaks the silence after a minute. CC must be making something in the kitchen. Which is proof enough that things are off kilter. Bitch Tornado doesn't usually do solo cooking. Though I'd like to say that cooking with a partner is a thing is a thing we both enjoy.
"I wanted to hurt her. I wanted Cornelia's heart to clench in pain for what she did. To have her know what it felt like to be abandoned.."
Rivalz blanches at the forlorn expression on my face. Can't say I blame him. It's a dark thing to want to tear into your older sister's heart and rip it out.
Milly puts her hand on my shoulder, sighing as she puts her forehead against mine, "Much as I want to get mad at you for that, it's not really my place to do so. Especially considering Nunnally said she did basically the same thing and that's why Cornelia defected."
Wait, what? Nunnally did what now?
"Yeah, we asked Nunna about it. She went to go see Cornelia after...you know. She got really mad at her, something about breaking her promise to your mom, and she left in a huff after giving Cornelia a chance to come find her," Rivalz says with a sheepish grin as he puffs on his J.
"She not only left, she brought the Guren, the Gawain, her knight, the fat general dude, and those Glaston guys with her. Guess whatever Nunna said made her think over. So...maybe you ought to talk to her when she gets back?"
...Perhaps I've misjudged Cornelia. Mara knows Euphie wouldn't want us to fight. I miss my family. Not all of them, most of them are useless or corrupt fuckers. But there's quite a few I'd wish to see again. And Cornelia? Blaming her for what happened is cruel, especially since it seems I owe her my life.
"Very well, I'll speak with her later..back from where?"
Rivalz shrugs at that question, "I dunno, some mission somewhere. I didn't ask, she should be back in a week or so."
The change of topic sadly does not divert Milly from her prodding me about my actions, mores the pity.
"Ok wiseguy, what about taunting your uncle or your 'death by dive bomb idea', huh? Gonna explain those?" she says, crossing her arms, pushing her tits up in a motion that I damn well know is supposed to put me off balance. That woman is extremely persistent when she wants something, which is annoying because I really do not want to talk about any of this right now.
Which my eyes flaring up and glowing should be alerting her to, but since when did that ever stop Milly?
"I had my reasons for the former. VV can no longer operate with impunity in the shadows, now he has to spend time burying himself again, and ensure no one is digging into old rumors and poking in places they shouldn't be."
Gripping the hand rest on the bed, my scratchy voice continues, "With him off balance, we can recover and plan while he's busy. Therefore, I see no problem with my actions."
"Umm, Lelouch? That's fine for right now. But why did you do it at the time? I still don't get why you did the dive bomb idea, that was off the wall, even for you, buddy," Rivalz says, waving his hand to ask a question.
Irritating little...what right do they have to question my decisions? My war strategy? They weren't there. They have no concept of what it means to be a commander on the battlefield, to have to make decisions that decide whether men live or die!
Lines light up across my face and body, roughly corresponding to where my nerves would be, the artificial nerves glowing in straight lines rather than the curves and twists of organic nerves, "So I'm to be chastised now? To be told I cannot challenge the vile little shit who ruined my life and sent his pet assassin to upend my war strategy?"
Rivalz waves his hands in a placating gesture, "Woah woah. I didn't say you don't have a good reason. I just want to know if you're ok-"
My face lurches forward, a snarl on my lips, "Do I look ok?! Do I seem calm and rational?! I've been in a coma for three months, I am in a considerable amount of pain, I can't even get out of this fucking bed, I have no idea what the state of my army is or how people are doing, and you have the NERVE...to upbraid me for trying a radical solution when my men were being slaughtered and nothing was working?!"
"Yeah, because we give a damn, you overbearing jackass! Who the hell else is going to tell you that you're wrong or question what you're doing?! Your army is either terrified of you or they worship the ground you walk on!" Milly yells back at me, hands on her hips as her blue eyes meet my fiery gaze in a contest of wills.
Gods be damned, why don't they understand? Why isn't what I'm doing obvious to them? Gahhhh, everything is driving me up the wall, I can't fucking focus!
A click of high heels causes both of us to turn as CC stride back in, wiping her hands off on the apron she's wearing.
"Lelouch, stop. Sit back, breath, and stop getting angry. Milly, you know he's irrational right now, wait till he's more recovered before laying into him, even if he deserves it," she says with a quirk of her lips into a smirk.
Like hell I'm going to let anyone stop me from defending-my train of thought gets derailed as CC gently pushes me back onto the bed, handing me a few pills, which I begrudgingly swallow as she gives me a flat look when my face shows signs of resisting.
The glare between the two of us is icy enough that one could walk between us on fire, and come out flash frozen. Ahhhh, there it is. Sweet sweet relief.
My body slumps over as the pain fades to a comfortable numbness, my lungs gratefully taking in air as my hands finally unclench from where they've been gripping the bed, the glow in my eyes and nerves fading away.
A sigh causes me to turn as Milly hugs me, her hand patting me on the back in what I might normally take as a condescending gesture...no, that's not right. I'm being irrational again.
"I'm sorry Lulu, I shouldn't be mad at you. You did your best, nobody is saying they could have done better. We just want to know what's going on. After your father geassed us, Rivalz and I had no idea you were even alive or existed."
Geassed? Ugh. Should have expected that. One more failure for the pile of my idiocy. Is this better than last time? The fact that I personally wasn't captured inclines me towards yes, but if other people paid a higher price, I question whether it was worth it.
"...Nothing was working. Hadrons. Missiles. Artillery. Slash Harkens. Not one single weapon either we or Cornelia's forces possessed had any effect on Siegfried. It was too fast, too strong, too far out of anyone's calculations…"
A bit of a white lie, of course. I knew Siegfried was a possibility. But that it could exist this time? That I did not foresee. I planned for everything, even for fucking Schneizel showing up. Even the Avalon couldn't withstand repeated artillery strikes and cruise missile bombardment. As for reinforcements? We were well positioned to fight off anyone choosing to join the battle. And with the Gawain, and Lancelot if needed, the skies were under our control. Even a naval group wouldn't have been able to turn the tides.
But the god damn SIEGFRIED?
I'm still amazed they found a pilot capable of handling it. What could VV have possibly had to motivate someone like Kewell Soresi to fight so hard? Mere greed and racism isn't enough, that man had a cause, he had a reason to fight. The next time I encounter him, I need to find out what it was. I need to find out why.
"I had a plan, a crazy plan, one that...in hindsight was just this side of moronic and insane," I say with a sheepish smile.
"Ya think, Lulu," Milly grouses, blowing a strand of hair out of her face as she leans back in her chair.
"In his defense? I couldn't think of anything either. In my expert opinion as an ace? The plan was workable, I was more than skilled enough to pull it off. Whether it worked to disable the infernal machine is another story, but it at least would have done more damage than uselessly shooting at it."
Thank you CC, for finally backing me up on that- wait. Did she just smirk at me? Sometimes I wonder why I put up with her.
And then I remember that...I don't think I could live without her.
"That, and Kewell said he was going after Kallen since Zero kept dodging his attacks. Obviously we couldn't let him hurt Tsundere-chan."
Huh, speaking of which?
"On that note, where is Kallen? I think I saw her briefly when I woke up. Is she alright?"
..Ok, what the fuck is going on? Milly is looking off to the side, Rivalz is grimacing, and CC? I can't even read that expression.
Rivalz laughs nervously, "So you'll never guess who came along for the ride out here to the middle east?"
Hmm, press for an answer, or play along with the obvious attempt to deflect the question? Meh, I'll bite for now.
"Anyone I know?" I say as CC holds a cup of tea out for me to sip from a straw. This weakness is damned frustrating, especially because I know my muscle control is mediocre right now from the medication and fatigue.
Milly smiles faintly, "Nina."
Wait what. Nina. Nina Einstein. She's here?
"How the fuck did you manage to get her?" I say, my expression clearly showing how out of left field that one was.
"Well, right when your dad showed up to Geass us, I'd gotten ahead of the guys tailing me on my bike. Milly shoved Nina into a closet, so she didn't get caught. After CC got us back to normal, we sat down and talked with her and gave her a pep talk, while letting her know what was going on. I dunno what it was, but she said she'd rather follow her friends than stick around Ashford. So..yeah, that's about it. I'll be honest, I didn't think she had it in her. But I'm sure glad to have another friendly face around here," Rivalz says with his trademark cheesy grin on his face.
Yeah, did not see this one coming at all. I figured I'd derail her having a meltdown from the SAZ failing, or make her not want to pursue the FLEIJA. By all accounts, I'd succeeded on those, and somehow managed to make her a real friend, enough that she didn't tell Cornelia about us. I never even considered that she'd be that loyal, let alone loyal enough to follow this crazy shindig to Saudi Arabia.
"I didn't think she was capable of that either..another person I underestimated or didn't appreciate. I seem to be doing that alot lately.."
Am I using people too much? Am I doing things wrong? That's a few times now that I've dismissed people or considered them as not worth my time. That's not a pattern I want to cultivate, not after how badly it backfired on me last time.
"I suppose I should have learned my lesson after Euphie surprised me at the SAZ. Pinky Princess turned out to be much more impressive than anyone thought. Though Suzu read me the riot act for it afterwards," I say with a chuckle...oh come on! Is something wrong with Suzu too? I can tell CC knows something that she isn't saying, she's got that 'I really don't want to talk about this' look. While it's a credit to our relationship that I can read her that well? The fact that she's not telling me something is a bad fucking sign.
"Guys, where is Suzu? I didn't see him when I woke up. Is he ok?"
What the fuck is this? First Kallen, now Suzaku?
With a grunt of effort, I push myself up, looking around as I try to read their faces for clues.
"Answer me, damn you! What's going on? Why do I keep getting stonewalled when I ask about people or what the situation is? Answer my god damn questions!" I yell out, my voice harsh and raspy, in addition to giving myself a coughing fit from yelling so loud. God fucking damnit.
"Milly, Rivalz, I'm sorry, but I must insist on stopping visiting hours for a bit. Lelouch has questions that cannot wait, and some of the answers are not for your ears, yet. Please let me talk to him," CC says with a sigh as she sits on the bed next to me, her eyes closed.
Finally, somebody willing to talk to me!
"CC, are you sure?" "Yeah, we're Lulu's friends, we want to help."
There are times when I think I don't deserve all the people who've stuck by me. Hell, I don't understand why they're still here sometimes.
CC sighs as she rubs the brow of her nose, "I'll explain later. Some of what he wants answers to I'm not at liberty to explain at this time. You can pressgang him later if you need him to cough up an explanation. But for now? Please, let me handle this."
Clearly Milly isn't buying that. Not that I blame her. I don't know what could be a taboo topic of discussion for this crowd-
"It involves Kallen."
..And my desire for answers just intensified. Because Milly and Rivalz both blanching and exiting after hearing that is an increasingly bad sign.
Grumbling as I palm my face in frustration with my left hand, my other hand reaches out to CC's right to give her some comfort.
"Bitch Tornado, please...talk to me."
What the hell is bad enough that she won't just tell-
"Kallen was captured. Your father found her and geassed her. She was geassed to behave like a noble heiress at Ashford. She...she blamed us for not coming to get her sooner. She doesn't want to talk to us about what happened."
….No.
"How? When? Who?"
CC holds my hand as she turns towards me, a hint of guilt on her face as she continues, "The Guren was buried underneath rubble from the collapsing buildings. Whether it was from the Seigfriend, or the Gawain smashing through buildings, I can't say. Cornelia said someone got to the Guren before she did and forced open the cockpit according to the black box. Kallen was unconscious when she was taken."
Mara damn it! I shouldn't have been so reckless, so desperate!
"...I didn't know she was back at Ashford at first. Someone tipped me off."
Hmm, well, that's a short list isn't it.
"My mother."
Not like I needed her to confirm it, but nice to know I was right. She's the only person who could tip CC off without anyone else knowing, and given how guilty CC feels, that's likely how she found out first.
"It wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened," I say to her as I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the sickening feeling in my gut.
Especially since this is my fault above all others.
She opens her eyes, a sharp expression in those blazing golden orbs, "It is my fault. I went to a dark place and lost the will to live after what happened to you. I tried killing myself a few times, just to ease the pain, Asshole!"
...What the hell do I say to that? Sorry for fucking up and almost dying? Maybe she'll know what that strange fever dream was.
"I remember something. A half remembered dream, a vision of something..ephemeral and illusory. A burning city, our blades clashing as feelings of overwhelming darkness, loss and fury consumed me. Surrounded by hatred and sorrow. A bestial existence that was hauntingly familiar. Tell me CC, do you have any idea what that was?" my voice rasps out as I look her in the eyes, seeing them widen in surprise, drops of wetness gathering at the edges.
"You...you remember that?" her contralto tone rings out in disbelief.
Coughing as I smile at her, my other hand wraps around her waist, "Not all of it. Just enough to realize that you did something to pull me out of my own dark hole, Bitch Tornado. Whether it was real or not doesn't matter. So I think recriminations about us falling apart without each other are beside the point. I..I don't know what I'd do without you, CC."
Seeing her smile like the clouds opened after the rain is enough to make my heart feel more at ease, but?
"CC, there's still things you're not telling me. How did my father capture Kallen? Why did my parents let her go? And what happened to Suza-?" I pause mid-question as something twigs my awareness in what she mentioned.
Let's think this through. She said Charles found her. Meaning, he didn't capture her. Something happened that made Marianne tell CC where Kallen was and that she could be retrieved. If Kallen was geassed to return to Ashford, and Suzaku's fate hasn't been elaborated on-!
No. No. No!
FUCK! Of course Charles would geass him! The bastard wouldn't hesitate to take a pawn off the table to deny him from me! Someone of Suzaku's skill, why let him be executed when he can be recycled? The worst part of figuring this out is?
It's exactly what I would do if I didn't have any qualms about using my geass. Schneizel wouldn't hesitate either.
Fine, that answers Suzaku, and Mara damnit if it doesn't make my heart ache knowing I have to fight him again…God only knows what twisted logic and fantasy he's operating under now.
Now what about Kallen? Charles didn't have her initially. He got her from someone else, and something convinced him and Mother to Geass Kallen into a puppet. Kallen is angry, hurt, and blaming us for what happened. There's a loss of trust to address to be sure after she learned about Mother still being around.
...There's something missing. Who had her? Someone got to the cockpit before Cornelia did.
Why did Charles need to find her? ...Unless whoever had her wasn't acting under his orders. Which leaves only one suspect. And one final question.
"...I've figured out Suzaku. I've figured out that Charles didn't order Kallen's capture. Which means it was likely VV. However, I still don't know who had Kallen. By process of elimination, that means he handed her over to someone. Someone Charles had to extract her from. So tell me, CC, who had Kallen? My first guess is the current viceroy of Area 11. The one appointed after Cornelia defected. Is that who it was?" I say with a heavy voice as I hold her hands, my wife clearly hesitating between betraying Kallen's trust in revealing what she learned, and letting me know what's going on.
The sitting viceroy for Area 11 is the logical choice for whoever had Kallen. Charles didn't have her initially. VV did, but he didn't tell Charles. Therefore, she was stashed somewhere before he found her. Part of me is glad my brain is working well enough to figure this out. The other part of me is getting much more nervous, because there's only so many reasons remaining for Kallen's behavior and CC's reticence. Most of the remaining choices are things I am praying didn't happen.
She's grimacing now, her brow scrunched up as she takes a deep breath before answering. Now I know this is bad…
"Luciano...Bradley. The Knight of Ten."
…..
…..
…..My failure is complete. I don't even have to ask what he did. Knowing Bradley and what is known about how he treats prisoners and how he acts...the dots are easy enough to connect, much as my mind desperately wants to refuse to finish the mental picture. She's a female POW, he's a man who disgraces the name of Knighthood by his very existence. A man whose name is synonymous with terror and depravity.
...What have I done? I've let this happen to Kallen. To Suzaku. To Milly&Rivalz. To all the people following this mad quest of mine thus far.
And for what? To satisfy my own ego? To do this as an act of spite against god and destiny? Because I believed I could do better than my last time attempting to change the world, despite making the same mistakes and failing to see where I failed on my previous attempt?!
How am I different from the man who tried to change the world and died as a self-made sacrifice? How am I not still Demon Emperor Lelouch, the man who built his own guillotine from the corpses of those he loved, a monument to hubris, stupidity, and apathy?!
What's the point of this second chance to do things right if I keep fucking it up like I did last time, or making it worse?!
"Ha ha ha ha...ha ha ha ha…"
The sound of broken laughter echoes in the otherwise silent room as the cruel irony of the situation strikes me, tears streaming from my eyes as I laugh, despite the pain in my body and soul.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…"
My laughing is interrupted by CC holding my cheek with her hand, long hair framing her face and draping over me as she whispers to me.
"Lelouch. Please. Don't do this again."
"Do what? Blame myself? Laugh bitterly at fate declaring me cursed throughout time? Seeth in resentful hate at fucking Murphy deciding to screw me over again? Do tell me what I shouldn't be doing, CC. I'm dying to know," I say with bitter venom as I turn my head away from her.
"Just...leave me alone for awhile. I need to think."
I wince as her hand grips my hair, pulling my head up, her exquisite face looking pained as she shakes her head back and forth slowly.
"Don't shut me out again. Not like you did last time. I know that laugh, you did the same thing after you found out about Suzaku being the pilot of Lancelot. I know what the sound of a heart breaking from despair sounds like, husband," she says in a tired and broken tone, her arms wrapping around me as I lie there stunned at what she just said.
"You know about-"
My wife lets out a sound between crying and laughter as she cuddles against my chest, "Of course I know about it, Asshole. I went into your mind to wake you up. That's where that strange fever dream of yours came from. I didn't just fight the 'Beast In Black', that twisted creation of your own self hatred and pain. I saw everything. The whole story of what happened the last time you tried this danse macabre, including the parts you didn't want to tell me or abbreviated, Lelouch."
Part of me is outraged, furious that she violated my privacy, the sanctity of my mind. Another part is grateful she brought me back regardless. And the last part? Terrified of what she saw and how she'll react. So many failures, so many mistakes, all leading up to an execution the world itself roared in joy and triumph for, while my baby sister cried her heart out, clutching my cooling corpse as blood seeped into the carpet under her feet.
"So now what? Will you condemn me for my idiocy? Cast me into the fires of hell that I so richly deserve? Mock me for how much of that timeline was my own fault? Do tell me, oh great and immortal witch, what is your response?" I snarl out, coughing at the end as she sits up, looking at me with an intense soul searing gaze, one that I struggle to meet for once.
"I'm sorry."
Huh?
"I'm sorry, Lelouch. I failed you in that last life. I let you down, let you carry this burden alone without sharing any of the pain, the weight, the guilt. My apathy and desire to finally die consumed me, to the point that I only began helping you towards the end, when my heart began to beat once more. I forgive you for everything. You may have failed and done terrible things, but you should never have had to bear that cross alone. You may have said you didn't blame me for the curse of Geass before your death, but you were my responsibility, as my contractor, my friend, and perhaps that time and most certainly this time, the man I love," she whispers, tears falling onto my stunned and immobile face.
She's apologizing? After everything she saw? And she's forgiving me? HOW DARE SHE?!
"Don't you dare fucking pity me! That's the last thing I want from anyone! It was my absolute failure of a life! A failure that I seem to be well on my way to repeating this time giving how spectacularly I've failed at everything-!"
My ranting is cut off by a gentle smack on one cheek and then a kiss with the taste of salty tears that steals my breath away.
"Pity is the farthest thing from my mind. You made mistakes, yes. But you succeeded in something that you never even realized you had failed to do last time. Something so fundamental that it somehow escaped all your recriminations and gnashing of teeth in your frustrations," she says, smiling gently as she straddles me, her hands on my chest pushing me down.
For someone who says they're not pitying me, she's clearly being coy and irritating me right now. What the hell did I fuck up and not realize that I had-?!
"You let us into your heart and made us all better people. Your so-called cruelty towards the ones you love? All it did was make us stronger and the desire to follow you all the more intense. Do you think the Lelouch of last time could have made people like Nina Einstein, or Rivalz Cardemonde, or Tohdoh Kyoshiro, or Kallen Kouzuki-Stadfelt, or even Euphemia li Britannia&Cornelia li Britannia choose to forsake their previous beliefs and ideals, and take up yours? They didn't abandon you in your hour of need, instead they came here to help you. Because they believed in your vision, your dream. Do you think he could have charmed their hearts, husband? Do you truly think you're alone this time?"
...The beating of my heart in my ears is all I can hear as what she said penetrates into my very core, my breath catching in my throat. My soul itself frozen in raw naked shock at what I'm hearing.
The eternal code bearer, the woman whose hand I asked for in marriage, my Queen of Hell, her long lustrous emerald hair draping over us, places a finger on my lips to prevent me from speaking as she takes a breath to continue. The shushing gesture is moot, there's literally nothing I can say or would want to say right now, such is how completely I am unhanded.
"I have seen you at your worst, Lelouch vi Britannia. So now, you will see me at my worst," she proclaims as she holds out her hand to me, her forehead dimly glowing as her code lights up.
Hopefully this will be less painful than the last trip. Much as I enjoy her company, I'd rather not get trapped in her head.
"Sure you don't want to take your dress off and get comfortable?" I quip, feeling her thighs resting against my sides as my lungs expand to take a deep breath before the plunge.
The smile on her face is inviting, enticing and welcoming. Any other time, I'd probably be feeling a bit horny from it. Right now? I admit it, I'm a bit scared. Sure, I did this last time. But both times, I was an uninvited intruder.
"CC, last time I saw what was in there, it was not a pleasant experience," I say hesitantly, fingers curling and uncurling reflexively.
She leans down, still smiling, "This time, I'll be with you. And we're not going to go over all 600 years of my life. Just a few highlights. Do you trust me, Lulu?"
...Swear to Mara she's learned how to play dirty from Nunnally. Because this is the kind of cheapshot my sister would have pulled on me. And...she's my wife. What answer can there be except to say..?
"Always, my queen," I whisper as I take her hand into my own, the red light of her code encompassing us as reality fades away.
Huh, no jarring disorientation and strange psychedelic lightshow. Doesn't feel as disorienting as last time either.
"Huh. Didn't expect to have clothes on," I say as I look down, my form clad in the familiar Zero outfit, none of the damage that I remember from the last time I wore it present. Which I'm thankful for, having a shrapnel spike through my chest was a decidedly unpleasant experience.
"Would you prefer to go without? The body is a plaything of the mind here, Asshole," CC's amused voice says as she strides up, wearing..that's surprising.
My eyebrow raises seeing her wearing the black dress she had on back in the real world, "I would have thought you'd wear something more elaborate for this song and dance. A ballgown or something along those lines."
The inscrutable witch giggles at that as she entwines her arm with mine, leading me down a path of paved stones that comes into existence as we walk down it, arches in a french baroque style framing the path shimmering into existence.
"Oh I could have. I could even have done this naked. You know, for honesty and 'baring it all', as it were. But I picked this for a reason."
Are we doing guessing games now? Hmm, why this outfit? I'm quite sure I didn't finish that dress before...shit hit the fan. She's trying to tell me something, sadly, I don't have the mental energy to figure this out right now.
The fatigue on my face must be easy to read because she's still giggling. Her hand reaches up to hold my chin as she looks up at my eyes, "I picked this, because you made it. I wanted to wear it for you."
….oh.
Portraits of memories cycle by us slowly, memories and scenes playing out as she begins speaking.
"I've lived a long time. Longer than most other immortals even. Most of us don't last 600 years. They find someone to hand this curse off to because they can't take it. I've done things, Lelouch. Terrible, cruel, hateful things," she says as a memory of her in armor besieging a city...wait. I know that armor, and that sigil.
"You were the original? The Slayer of the Witch of Orleans?" I say in surprise as I witness her order the assault on Rome, her countenance twisted in hateful rage as she cut down man after man, blood staining her armor and dripping off her hair as she tears through anyone in front of her and around her, an unstoppable slashing wind of red and green.
She's...beautiful. Horrifying yes, but there's a grace and majesty in her presence as she fights, an overwhelming presence surrounding her.
"Yes, that was indeed my name. I slaughtered men, women, children, anyone who dared to fight my army and I. I was full of anger and resentment against creation, determined to punish god for this vile burden I was yoked to. And even after I burned that whore Jean D'Arc, I would not be denied my vengeance against the Church for all the pain I had suffered at their hands. Every time I was punished and scourged as a witch. No more. This was my turn to repay them for their cruelty towards me."
She laughs to herself ruefully, shaking her head in resignation as the memories play out...ok, this is a bit grisly. Not entirely surprising, considering what I know of the bloody campaign she waged across Europe. The Witch of Britannia sacked countless cities, monasteries, nunneries, churches, and other places of ecclesiastical power.
"Rape, pillage, and burn, huh? Didn't take you for a viking," I quip as we walk past a vision of nunnery on fire, the inhabitants either put to the sword, or...given to her troops as 'entertainment'.
CC's hand grips mine tightly as she closes her eyes. Killing them would be one thing, but this? This is grotesque. I know her, or at least, I thought I did. Now, I find myself wanting to ask questions.
"No doubt you're wondering why I went to such lengths to despoil and violate them. I..was a very different person back then. I had been betrayed in oh so many ways. At the time, I was relatively new to my curse, and thus less able to weather the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
My eyebrow raises as we pass a field of corpses, all branded with crosses upon their heads, the carrion birds attending their morning meal and picking the flesh clean from sightless eyes, the scent of decay in the air. A scent I am unfortunately intimately familiar with. One cannot forget traveling fields of war dead, no matter how much one tries.
"Your use of Shakespeare could be taken for sophistry, my dear. There's something you're not telling me," I say as I look down at her, her face a mask of false composure. It's comforting that this discussion bothers her at least.
"Figure it out for yourself, genius. I was a slave and a stupid peasant girl in France during the hundred years war. I had little to no skills before I got my geass, and limited skills for years after while I struggled to deal with the curse of being immortal."
She moves away from me, her hands clenched into fists as she looks down, a bitter and angry expression on her face as her hair hides her eyes, her voice a harsh whisper as she speaks.
"What the hell do you think happened to a woman who was an outcast, condemned by the church, beautiful and alone, with no one to protect her?!"
...Gods be damned.
Words are not needed as I hold her in my arms, one hand stroking her hair, as I watch scenes of depravity and horror play out around us. What I saw last time when I entered her mind at Narita, the deaths of CC and her agony as she suffered?
The tip of a much larger iceberg.
"PTSD is a bitch, isn't it?" I say with a sigh as she looks up at me in mild surprise, then lets a sound halfway between a cry and a laugh out.
"Ha ha ha ha...I am so stupid. I didn't even realize that I had that at the time. Did I know I was angry and in pain? Of course, but even my having PTSD doesn't excuse what I did, Lelouch. I was a monster."
"Just before my soldiers sacked Rome, a counterattack composed of various mercenary armies, led by the vengeful French seeking retribution for the death of their heroine all those years ago struck. My armies were broken, slaughtered to a man. And I? I looked upon the destruction, the death, the misery, and that I had wrought."
The image around us changes to show the figure of the Witch of Britannia looking at her hands in disbelief, blood covering her gauntlets and sword as she trembles. With a cry of a wounded soul, she breaks her sword on a nearby rock, kneeling down sobbing even as her head is sliced in half by a cavalry lance, bone splintering across the grass as she falls down on her side, tears still running from her golden dead eyes, even as her head is cleaved from her body and held up high for all to see.
"I had become what I hated. Everything I despised and sought to destroy, to shatter from Europia, I had become an embodiment of. When I saw my own reflection in a mirror, and looked at my hands, the cold hard truth of everything I had accomplished in my campaign came crashing down on me. I could stand it no longer and let myself be killed to stop the fighting. Without my presence and command, the 'Witch's Horde' fell apart and were butchered almost to a man. And as for me?"
The image shows men despoiling her corpse, tearing it apart and befouling it, before throwing the remains into a ditch, filled with the bodies of her fallen army. Half a day later, a freshly revived CC stands up, looks around her surroundings, shakes her head sadly, and then tosses what's left of her armor away as she leaves.
"The commanders decided that since I was already dead, I deserved to be buried in ignominy. Forgotten among the nameless dead. Which was just as well, I was done with Europia and happy to leave. I left for parts unknown, the far east seemed a suitable place to disappear."
Images pass in a montage as she continues to speak, war, death, lovemaking, raising children, living as an ordinary woman, a courtesan, a knight, the hallmarks of a lifetime of war ever apparent on her.
"I joined the mongols for a time, and then shacked up in the company of the Tsars, and later encountered the man you idolize so much, Oda Nobunaga. Nobu-kun was...eccentric. By the standards of the time, he was a madman. I thought he was a visionary. After his death, I left the far east, and made my way back to Europia for a time. I left Europia for good after Napoleon died. I haven't been back since."
My fingers reach into my suit jacket, feeling around, and much to my surprise, I find my cigarette case. Then again, I suppose even that would be here, since this is a place of thought and willpower made manifest. The intoxicating scent of gangja fills my nostrils as I light up and breath out smoke in a relaxed sigh.
"Quite a bit of adventure you've had, Bitch Tornado."
She smirks at me in that damnable way of hers, the one that makes me both want to smack her and kiss her silly.
"Of course. I am CC after all. At this point, I think we can dispense with the memory trip for now. Because believe it or not, there was a point to this."
Taking a deep breath, she composes herself, rearing her head back to her full height and looks me sharply in the eye.
"You have seen the evil I have done. The black and terrible things that stain my soul, things like my deeds in war, in love, what I did to my son Mao, aiding your parents in their ambition solely to facilitate my own demise. So I ask you, Lelouch vi Britannia, Zero, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, this question."
Her form shifts to the bloodied and shattered remains of the Witch of Britannia, her head split in half, a nun's severed head in her left hand, shield still dripping blood, a sword covered in viscera and gore in her right.
"Can you still love me, knowing all this?"
Oh my dear vicious harpy of a witch, that's what this was? There can be only one answer.
My form strides confidently to her, smiling warmly as I hold her head in my hands, brushing a lock of hair from her face, I let my heart speak only truth.
"I never stopped, CC," I proudly proclaim as I kiss her with all of my heart, letting my love for her love pass through our open mouths.
Breaking the kiss a moment, my right hand holds the small of her back as my left gestures upward, palm upraised, my body shifting to a infamous white robe, blood staining the torso, a sword wound through my heart as I speak. The last thing I remember wearing in that accursed first life, the white uniform of the Demon Emperor, slain for the good of the world.
"None of what you've shown me has shaken my view of you. Yes, I was disturbed at times and concerned. But I can see the truth of your heart here, just as I think you have seen the truth of mine. You and I, are a matched pair, my beautiful Bitch Tornado. We are both monsters, CC. But we also are better than we think we are. And I swear to you here and now once again."
I pull her close, one hand on her ass as I hold her in a dip, amethyst eyes glinting as her golden eyes watch me, her face all showing she's all but certain of what I am going to say, so why disappoint?
"I will destroy the Codes, rid the world of the Curse of Geass, and find a way to heal our broken hearts with all those who love us. Walk with me, my wife, through storm, wind, torrent, flame, war, and death. Let us dance together, even if it be the danse macabre to hell!"
The taste of blood fills my mouth as she kisses me slowly, her fingers running through my hair as she lifts her leg up, wrapping it around my waist, the kiss breaking as our forms shift back to more comfortable and familiar attire, myself the Zero suit, and her, the black dress I made.
"You unbelievable ham. You think I'll accept such an insane and over the top promise, knowing I have to keep your oversized head from blowing itself up the whole time?" she says with a chuckle and a smirk, hands on her hips.
A raised eyebrow is my only response before I'm suddenly tripped and put on the ground, her shapely ass straddling my waist as she smiles brilliantly, her eyes wet with emotion as she leans in close to whisper to me.
"As if there was any doubt. Of course I will, darling. You're my guiding light, the thing that made my cold heart beat with love once more. I accept you, in all the ways that matter, Lelouch vi Britannia."
..God do I love this woman.
As we kiss once more, the strangeness of her mental world fades away to bring us back to the reality of the temperature controlled medical wing of our base in Saudi Arabia.
"Have I told you I love you lately?"
My queen taps a finger against her chin as she thinks, "Hmm. I don't believe so. I think I need to hear it again. You're a negligent and neglectful husband, Lulu."
My arm feebly pulls at her side, trying to bring her close, sadly unable to muster the strength. Thankfully, she realizes what I'm failing to do and falls into place next to me in the bed. Being back in the real world means all the pain and weakness I didn't have to deal with in her mind is back, regrettably.
But we can't stay in a dream world. We have work to do. Thankfully, there's time to do some much needed conversations and repairing of relationships right now.
"Then I'll say it as many times as it takes me to atone, honey. I love you."
Starting with my emerald haired queen, who's stayed by my side through all of this.
"I love you too, honey. So, what are we going to do next?"
Diabolical planning, the best kind of pillow talk.
"First, I need to do physical therapy and get back into shape. We need time to restructure and fix the black knights anyway. Regarding Suzaku, do you know where he is?"
She sighs as she sits up, unbuttoning her dress as she speaks, "The new Knight of Seven is busy putting down various rebel groups that sprang up following the Black Rebellion, I think he's headed to Euro-Britannia next. There's limited information about his whereabouts and no one knows his identity publicly."
Knight of Seven? Are you kidding me?! Fuck Murphy in every hole that bastard has!
"So how do you know it? And clearly Murphy continues to utterly hate me," I grouse.
Throwing her dress onto the nearby chair, she lifts a lithe leg up as she pulls off her boot, turning her head around to address me, "He revealed himself to Kallen after being sent to collect her, and held her eyes open for your father to work his magic. But not before he declared a blood vendetta against Zero for 'murdering Euphemia.' Judging by the furious look Kallen saw on his face, I'm certain your father had to do some extensive work to turn him into his executioner."
Great. Just fucking great. Suzaku is almost certainly worse than the original timeline now. Odds are Charles removed his memories of Nunnally&I as well. That's going to be a bitch to deal with.
Pulling off her shirt, she quickly divests herself of her shorts, hands working to undo her bra as I admire her back muscles and long hair swaying as she works her nimble fingers.
"Lelouch, regarding Kallen? I propose we leave it be for now. Let her come to us, or whomever she wants to seek comfort in. It's likely to be us, but it could also be Milly or her mother. She'll come here eventually, if only for answers or to address the uncertainty in her heart."
Seems reasonable. Given what's likely happened to her, CC is probably the best person to talk to her first. I'll trust her opinion on this.
"If you think that's a good idea. I feel pretty damn miserable for not being there for her, or to offer any comfort right now," I grouse as I sip some tea, then lie back under the covers, eyes heavy with fatigue as CC turns around, her bra discarded, panties twirling on her finger, the red scar on her torso catching my eye a moment before I look her in the eye.
"Trust me on this. This is not the time to push her. She needs time to get her bearings. If she tries to isolate herself and shut the world out, then yes, we should intervene. Otherwise, let her open up gradually. We need to keep our doors open and helping hands there for her to accept, when she's ready. Forcing the issue is the last thing we want to do."
A momentary shift of the covers being lifted, and CC is lying next to me, one leg draped over my thighs as she cuddles against my chest.
"Much as we both wish it was otherwise, we failed her. And we need to own that. Now, get some rest."
Rest she says. Riiiight.
"You realize that it is extremely evil of you to strip, crawl into bed with me, and give me such a seductive 'come fuck me' look, while I am laid up and not really able to reciprocate," I say, expression flat as my hand strokes her hair, eyes narrowed in mock annoyance.
"Think of it as incentive for getting back into shape," she replies with a cheeky smile, grinding against my side. Damn cocktease.
"I supposed I could go fuck Milly, I'm certain she'd succumb to my feminine wiles," CC chortles as her lips press against my chest, breath running along my skin.
"Nympho slut." "Horndog bastard."
The words carry no heat, only the banter of two people who've known each other long enough to look past mere words. Besides, it's fun saying these kinds of things sometimes.
"You are such a whore sometimes, Bitch Tornado. Always teasing and driving people up the wall, practically begging for someone to put you in your place," I snort, my lips caressing her forehead as my hand rubs along her back.
My devilish queen lets out a breathy sigh, her arms wrapping around my neck and shoulders as she smirks, "And you're an arrogant overbearing prick always looking to get his dick wet."
A quiet moment follows, before the room fills with quiet laughter as the silliness of the situation becomes too obvious.
"God I missed you. This is just what I needed right now," she whispers quietly, hair draping over both of us.
"I missed you too. I'm sorry I left you alone so long."
A finger prods my cheek as she looks at me with a raised eyebrow, "You better be. As your first wife, I order you to never do something that stupid again. And aside from making this up to everyone? You need to do something nice for Millicent. She's right, nobody else aside from us or a few of the command staff are going to call you out."
Hell, everybody knows how I feel about that. Don't challenge me publicly, keep it behind closed doors or in restricted meetings. My authority cannot be challenged openly, that's a core aspect of the Black Knights. But outside the public view? Have at it.
"Never let it be said that I argue with a lady. Any more surprises that I need to know about?"
Not sure how much longer I'll stay awake, but I suspect my curiosity is keeping me up for now. If I pass out, shit happens.
"Rivalz managed to get Kallen's mother before we left Area 11, she's here at the base. Snake will likely show up in the next month or two, he was covering tracks for us when we left. Oh yes, one interesting thing happened towards the end of that trip. Guess who Laila's knight really is?"
Fuck if I know. I don't think I ever met the guy.
"CC, really? Just tell me," I say with a sigh as my head sinks deeper into the pillow.
"Iah'bahad, her 2nd in command and 2nd knight, is Naoto/Nathan Kouzuki-Stadfelt. Kallen's older brother. It seems he wasn't quite as dead as previously thought."
…何だと?! (What the hell?!)
"Someone ratted him out to the OSI. Seeing as he was the heir to the Stadfelt Dukedom, they blackbagged him. NOD hit the prison ship, he took a bullet to the head, they recruited him due to his tabula rasa state. I had to use my Code to unscramble his memories, but he's fine now. And extremely happy to have his family back."
The fact that I am unable to respond to that, is less the surprise of the situation, than of a more immediate and shocking fact.
"Something unexpected happened, and Murphy DIDN'T screw us?" I proclaim incredulously as the utter ludicrousness of the situation takes root in my mind.
Cackling fills the room as CC grins wickedly, "And the last bit of good news. Kaguya says she's in contact with her old friend along with some others who may be receptive to our message. She and Taizo managed to connect us to various black market suppliers via NOD's connections. We'll have to wait for her to return, but she sounds positively gleeful about what they've accomplished."
Old friend? Who does Kaguya know that...Oh.
"Hahahahahhaha…"
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho..."
A pity neither of us have the energy to really indulge in a good bout of maniacal villainous laughing, because this? This is a good moment for it. And I cannot say how much I am enjoying hearing CC join in rather than belting me for it.
"Ahh, that felt good. We should do that together more often," I whisper with a tired but satisfied smile on my face as I turn my head to her.
"Not around too many people, we're likely to terrify them into running away screaming. And not till it doesn't make your ribs ache. Don't think I missed you hiding the pained winces, Asshole."
Ha ha ha, whoever said married life was a terrible thing can kiss my white royal Britannian ass.
"Good night, my Bitch Tornado," I mumble as I slowly drift off.
"Good night, my Asshole," she responds sleepily.
