A/N: I went to a Kelly Clarkson concert on Wednesday and I heard 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' and I thought… wow ok this is perfect for Rogue trying to forget John. It is kind of different than the other two before this one but I still wrote it anyway. Oh and a note I know Rogue has brown not hazel eyes but w/e same difference. I've got hazel eyes and people mistake it for brown…it gets annoying…anywayz…Hope you enjoy!
AA/N: it could be a little depressing though…you might be feeling bad for Johnny in this one. And maybe rogue too.
Behind these Hazel Eyes:
Rogue walked through a park just a mile away from the Xavier Institute. She told Logan that she just needed to go for a walk, to clear her thought and everything. Logan offered to go with her but she refused, she needed to be alone. Her head was filled with not only her thoughts but the thoughts and memories of Cody her ex-boyfriend…her first victim of her powers, Logan, Magneto, Bobby and Pyro. Pyro was the most recent absorption so he was the most clear, sometimes his voice and thoughts would clash with others and they would have arguments in her head like they were her conscience. So even with no one there beside her she was never alone. And that's all she wanted, to be alone. Things have been hectic for her lately…ever since Pyro deserted them her life has gotten worse that it has been. Bobby's thoughts in her head tell her that he loves her and wants to be with her despite her powers but Bobby in real life spends less time with her and more with Kitty Pryde. She is jealous, after all Bobby is her Boy-friend…but as she heard once that jealousy does not mean love. It means you do not trust your partner and you think that they were going against you for another person. Well that's what Rogue feels that Bobby is deserting her for Kitty because she can't touch. Then maybe she doesn't love Bobby, and maybe Bobby doesn't love her.
She sighed shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket. It was early spring so it was still a bit chilly. There was a gentle breeze and she looked up watching the wind blow through the trees, she liked doing that. It comforted her just sitting doing nothing while watching the leaves blow and the branches bob up and down as the wind rushes past them. In a way it reminded her of John, strange because John's mutant power had nothing to do with wind and he was not gentle like wind, he was more dangerous like a hurricane or tornado…she shook her head suddenly, she didn't want to think about him.
Seems like just yesterday,
You were a part of me,
I used to stand so tall,
I used to be so strong.
She didn't want to think about him yet she couldn't stop, she remembered how they would go on walks like this, in early spring together just the two of them. No Bobby, no Kitty no one tagging along. Their first walk was two days after she arrived at the institute.
Your arms around me tight,
Everything it felt alright,
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Flash back
Rogue sat in the rec-room on a chair all by her self. She was still new to the institute and because of her powers she was shy around people. A few kids took to befriending her, including this boy Bobby. He was really sweet, welcoming her to "mutant high" as he called it. Then there was also John, as she learned his name was by the teacher, who showed off his powers immediately. She was impressed by his powers, he created a little fire ball in his hands, she always thought fire was destructive but seeing it so calmly being manipulated in the palm of his hand made her in a trance. Then it was broken by Bobby, who later on gave her a tour of the school. Now she sat in the room where the students hung out the most, and she watched as the other students chatted and played games, watched television.
"Hey" she heard a voice above her; she turned and saw that boy, John. She smiled slightly and greeted with a shy and quiet. "Hey."
"No need to feel uncomfortable around me," John said coming around the chair, "I won't hurt you."
"That's not what im worried about." She replied and he smiled a little.
"You can't hurt me."
Rogue gave him a skeptical look, "Im not too sure about that."
He smirked, "you wanna go somewhere?"
She shrugged, "like where?"
"The park, a mile away from here."
She raised an eyebrow at him, "and we're allowed to leave the institute?"
He shrugged, "Yea sure as long as we come back." He smirked and Rogue smiled and nodded.
"Yea sure, why not."
He held out his hand and she hesitantly put her gloved hand in his, he closed his fingers over her hand and pulled her out of the chair, and as they walked out of the room the other students watched in amazement that St. John Allerdyce was being nice and not sarcastic or cocky.
Here I am once again,
I'm torn into pieces,
Can't deny, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one,
Broken Up, Deep inside,
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes.
Now as Rogue sat here in the park, she remembered it all. How her first crush when she came to the institute was not on Bobby, but on John. Like Logan, he acted one way with everybody else but with her they held a soft spot. Well that's what she thought anyway…He often proved it when he was still at the school but when he was leaving the Jet, she was begging with her eyes not for him to leave, but he just looked at her with a cold stare and shook his head replying icily, "you always do what you're told?" and ran out the Jet; leaving her alone…and heart broken. She always had hoped that John would work up enough courage to just tell Bobby to shove off and whisk her off her feet. But the old John wouldn't do that…well not to his friends anyway, He knew Rogue cared about Bobby, and didn't want to ruin their friendship.
She made a face, 'where did that come from?' John never openly said that he didn't want to ruin their relationship…and he really gave no signs either. She then remembered at Bobby's house, when she drained him to save the cops. His thoughts were all in her head now, although they were mostly all gone now. Only occasionally would Pyro pop up in her head telling her what to do as her conscience.
I told you everything,
Opened up and let you in,
You made me feel alright
For once in my life.
John led Rogue to the park, never letting go of her hand. Rogue noticed how warm he was, she could feel the heat even through her gloves. His powers must be the reason for it, she thought. She watched the boy in front of her and she kept repeating in her head how cute she thought he was. She wondered why she was so lucky that on her first day in mutant high she already has two cute boys fussing over her. Bobby confronted her more than once, just making light conversation. Bobby was a sweet kid, she thought, but he was to nice…he is just one of those really nice cute guys…someone that would make someone who was not into that sappy sweetness just want to gag. Rogue was flattered by all the attention Bobby was giving her, but what she wanted was John, he was different than Bobby in so many ways. She was way to shy to ask him out, just incase he was just being nice to the new girl and didn't like her that way…although she was almost sure he did.
John led her through the park until they finally came to rest at a park bench across from a fountain. Rogue let go of John's hand when they sat down and folded her hands together laying them on her lap. She noticed out of the corner of her eye John's eyebrow raise slightly but he remained silent. They both sat there in silence for a long time, both feeling very awkward, it was only like her second day at the institute and she was sitting here with one of the students who has been here for who knows how long. Rogue finally broke the long silence,
"So…uh do you have a mutant name?"
"A mutant name?" John looked at her quizzically.
"Yea…like a codename…Bobby's is Iceman…Do you have one?"
"Oh right." He nodded. "Yea, I have one. Pyro."
She nodded remembering his powers. "Suits you."
He nodded and asked her a similar question, "You go by Rogue…I'm sure that's not the name your parents named you."
Rogue chuckled a little and shook her head, "no…its not. But the person I used to be is gone."
"Well could I know your name…your real name?"
She sighed and contemplated on telling him, she looked over at him and saw him just staring at her awaiting her answer. "Marie."
"Marie." He said the name slowly and Rogue watched him speak her name…her old name anyway. He smiled then, looking back at her. "I like it."
She shrugged, "like I said…its not who I am anymore. I am no longer Marie D'Ancanto."
He smirked, "Marie D'Ancanto?" she nodded. "Yes…my full name."
"St. John Allerdyce." He replied.
"ST. John?" she repeated with slight laughter in her voice.
He huphed, "yea but I do not like being called that. It's just too…I don't know. Its not me."
"So you just go by John?"
He nodded, "yea…or Pyro."
"I like John." She replied.
He shrugged, "whatever…just don't call me by my full name and were good."
She chuckled, "deal…but you have to call me Rogue."
He sighed, "Fine."
She smirked and they stayed silent for a long time, both of them just staring at the fountain until rogue broke the silence again,
"Thank you John."
"For what?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"for making me feel welcome to the institute…for giving me a friend when I thought I was going to be alone and unaccepted because of my powers."
He smiled gently at her, "I will always be there for you Rogue."
"You said you'd always bet there for me John…So where are you? Where are you when I need you?" Rogue whispered and lifted her knees up and wrapped her arms around legs and buried her head in them. She always used to do this for comfort, when nobody was there to hug her she would do this action, lately she's been doing this a lot because he's not here anymore.
"Rogue?" Rogue picked up her head slowly, the questioning voice that said her name ringing in her head.
She turned slowly around and standing behind the bench stood Pyro, she noticed he looked the same except for he had a certain coldness in his eyes, and he stood upright and his hair was more blonde and shorter. At first she felt like jumping out of her seat and hugging him but then she thought other wise…he was a traitor and she wasn't about to treat him like he wasn't.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
Now all that's left of me,
Is what I pretend to be.
So together but so broken up inside.
Now I can't breathe,
And I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on.
Here I am once again,
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny can't pretend,
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
She narrowed her eyes at him and turned forward again. "I'm fine." She snapped. "Why would you care anyway."
She heard his foot steps coming toward her, she heard his steady breathing right behind her and saw out of the corner of her eye his hand rest on the bench. She stared ahead, not wanting to look at him although she found it hard to keep her eyes from not looking at him. He wasn't saying anything which gave her an awkward feeling…when several minutes past without a word she broke the silence.
"What are you doing here John?"
"It's a free country, isn't it?" he replied and she snapped her head in his direction with narrowed eyes. "Don't be cocky."
He smirked and shrugged.
She huphed and crossed her arms.
"Why are you in such a mood?" He asked.
"Well it might have something to do with seeing the guy who betrayed the x-men for their mortal enemy." She replied.
"Rogue…"he started but she cut him off. "No…John…I don't want to hear your excuses."
"Excuses? So you think I just left for no apparent reason?" he said, his smirk disappearing.
"What possible reason could there be." She said shaking her head.
"Well for one…the x-men treated us like Kids. We couldn't even fight at all…we just had to stay in the jet like good little kids and not do anything to help." He said mockingly. "I don't want that…I'm old enough…we're old enough to fight in battle and not sit around like little kids!"
"Well for your information, Bobby, Kitty, Peter and I all got claimed as official x-men a week ago…and if you were there you would have been too." She exclaimed crossing her arms.
"Oh like I was supposed to know when they were going to make you x-men." He retorted.
"Well you shouldn't have left in the first place even if they weren't making us x-men anytime soon." She paused before entering on a new subject. "And another reason…"
"Another reason for what?"
"Why you left, you said "for one…" which means there is a "for another."" She replied.
"Well…uh…I just had to leave ok." He turned his back to her but didn't leave…he didn't want to tell her he left because of her…because he couldn't take seeing the girl he loved with another guy…knowing that she would never be his.
"No! Not ok!" she stood up and turned around to face him and he faced her also, he grew and so did she but he still remained a few inches taller than her. "it will never be ok! Don't you understand! You betrayed us! All of us!" she shook her head as tears brimmed her eyes and her voice became calmer. "We cared about you John, you were one of us…we didn't want you to go. I didn't want you to go."
Swallow me and spit me out,
For hating you I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now,
No I don't cry on the outside anymore.
"Rogue…" John started taking a step toward her but she shook her head and backed away from him.
"It's too late now, you broke your word. You stabbed us in the back…and the pain was so terrible when you did it. For some of us the wounds are still open and new…and for some they are all healed and practically gone." She sighed, "We're all trying to forget you but we cant…I can't."
John was quiet…he didn't know what to say, and what could he say. He wanted to tell her that he loved her; he wanted to take all her pain away and come back to her, to let her know it would be alright. But he couldn't find himself, he made a promise to magneto…But Rogue said he broke his word…he thought to himself what she meant by that. Then his own words flashed in his head,
"I will always be there for you Rogue."
"I didn't break my word…I will never break it. I will always be there for you."
Rogue narrowed her eyes, "then where were you when I got sick a few weeks ago, where were you when Bobby and I got into a fight that lasted a few weeks, where were you when I was just feeling down and needed a friend…where were you when I needed you." she knew it was a rhetorical question but she answered it anyway. "You were with magneto, the man who wants to go against us, what if magneto ordered you to kill me John…would you do it? Just to please your boss?"
John shook his head, "no…I wouldn't kill you…I wouldn't hurt you, No one on this earth could force me to hurt you."
She shook her head biting her lip as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "You say that John…yet you have hurt me in more ways than you can possibly imagine and it came from no one but your self." She walked past him tears falling down her cheeks. "Good bye Pyro." She said mockingly as she walked down the path of the park, her arms wrapped around her self as she sobbed quietly leaving a confused and hurt john to just look after her.
Here I am once again,
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny, cant pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes.
