Disclaimer: Only own Roxxi, Narixsu and her creepiness, and Exeria. Nothing more.
Author's notes: Ok so here is Exeria's one-shot. I'm so sorry it took so long to be put up but I'm working on like three or four stories at once and I don't get a lot of computer time. I also am sorry if this chapter isn't that funny... I was in a hurry and didn't get a lot of time to work in it. Ok so well just read it already!
P.S. After some thought, I decided that I'm going make Exeria's hair blonde with brown spikes... so like she looks like a chocobo now! Go Chocobo-head!
----------------- Speed Demon -----------------
Exeria raced around the Castle That Never, spreading her 1337-related terror. Xemnas' eye twitched from Exeria's words, or numbers, of pure randomness.
"LYKOMG!1!LYKEYISNtTHERANY12LYKEGIMMIEAMISSI0N!1! LYKEIWANNAMISSI0N!1ONEONESHIFTSHIFTELEVEN!"
Zephyr walked up to Xemnas and said, "So how's our little Speed Demon doing?"
Xemnas twicthed his eye at Zephyr. "Speed Demon... so you couldn't think of a better Organization name then that, huh?"
Zephyr looked at Xemnas weirdly. "What Organization name? You didn't know? She used to be a crack-addict and at the Rehab center, they called her the 'Speed Demon' there". Exeria was still zooming in from every door and out of it in a blink of an eye.
"LYKOMG!1!DIDSOME1SAYSPEED?YAY!SPEEDISP0WERYEA!G0TTA'G0FSTER!"
A mighty gust of wind was generated from Exeria as she ran out of that room to the endless others in the Castle That Never Was. Xemnas turned to face Zephyr and said, "So why exactly was she the 'Speed Demon' at her Rehab center?"
Zephyr shrugged her shoulders and said, "I think it was something about chewing a guy's arm off at the mention of the word 'crack'..."
Exeria stopped her fast-paced journey through out the Castle to, horribly, say, "LYKOMG!didsome1saycrack?iwannacrack!1!GIMMIECRACK!"
Later...
After Xemnas had went to the doctor for some 'Exeria' pills to add for his growing collection of medication and to get his ears checked out for any signs of ear drum bleeding, he sat down at his deck to over some important papers about I don't know what. Xemnas wasn't in peace for more than... 0.03 seconds before Exeria barged into the room.
"LYKOMG!1!IWANANMISS0N!1LYKEYWONtUGIMMIEAMISS0N?ineedamission!1"
Xemnas squeezed his temples. 'It's like the whole Roxxi episode over again...'
"You want a mission, fine. Go outside and kill yourself. Ok, huh, yeah! How's that for a mission?"
Exeria raised her fists in the hand and squealed, "OKiLLDOIT!11!" Then she jumped out the window. Xemnas sigh heavily. 'Thank KershaFangs she is gone for now..." Yet still in his head, Xemnas heard sounds that resembled the words of, "LYKOMG!11!"
Somewhere Else...
Sora was slumping in his chair, Kairi had forced him to go to some sort of 'relatonship counseler'. Why? He did not know. 'Maybe I should leave her...' (Yes Sora, for the love of god, leave that bitch! But now back to the story.)
Riku turned around in his big chair to turn Sora and Kairi. He had a clipboard and a pen and was serving as their 'guidance counseler' since KershaFangs won't let them get a real one. "Yes, so... tell me what is the problem?"
"I don't think there is a problem!" shouted Sora. "This was all of Kairi's idea!"
Kairi glared at Sora. "Don't you try to blame this on me!" She turned to face and talk to Riku. "This was the second time I caught Sora with that Nobody girl! And feeding her strawberries too!"
"Yes...yes...I see..." mumbled Riku, seeming in a deep state of thinking while writing someting on his clipboard. Actualy he just had tuned Kairi out while he drew pictures of himself and writing over and over again, 'Riku is teh awesomeness!'.
"Sora you told me that you didn't like her!" Kairi yelled. "I don't!" Sora countered. "Come to think of it... I don't even remember anything that happened that day..."
Kairi crossed her arms. "Yeah right! And next I'm to believe that you weren't flirting with that long-haired girl too!" Sora glared at Kairi. "I already told you Kairi! I'm not like that! God, why can't you understand?" Kairi was hurt by Sora's words and looked like she was about to cry. Sora's face softened when he realized that Kairi was crying.
"It's just... it's just that I don't wanna lose you.. again..." Kairi sobbed out. Sora put his arms around Kairi and rubbed her back to soothe. "Kairi... I won't leave.. you know that..." Kairi sniffled and faced Sora. "I know..."
Sora brought her to him in another hug. After a while Kairi was able to leave the room, leaving just Sora and Riku. Riku clapped his hands together and said, "Another job well done!" He then ripped out a piece of paper and handed it to Sora. "Your bill..."
Sora looked at the ludicrously priced paper and yelled, "What do you mean, a bill? You didn't even do anything!" Sora stormed out the room, scruching up the bill into a paper ball and tossing it into the trashcan. Right before Sora left the room Riku yelled, "Hey Sora! You want some real advice from me?"
Sra turned around and said, "Yeah, ok." Riku inhaled deeply and said,
"I think you dump Kairi and go out with that Nobody chick."
SLAM!
Riku stood there as Sora slam the door in his face and then he shrugged it off and thought, 'He'll come around...'
Somewhere Else...
Exeria got up quickly after jumping out the window. "LYKOMG!11!ididntdie!1!WAHHHH111!imustgokillmehself!" Exeria ran out there in a blink of an eye. She kept on running from world to world never stopping, that is until she saw Cloud on his motorcycle. If there was anything that Exeria loved more than crack, speeding, going fast, and crack, it was a hot guy on a fast vehicle. "LYKOMG!yourmotorbikeislyk1337-pwning!lykeletmerideit!1!"
Exeria then wrestled the motorcycle from Cloud's grasp, then shoved him off and speeded away. "LYKOMG!thismotorcikesislykesooopwningj00!vroomvroom!"
Cloud just sat there and started crying. "My bike! Gimme back my bike! Emily, come back!"
Elsewhere...
After Sora finally cooled down he went walking with Riku. "Hey you know what I just realized Riku?" Sora asked his friend. "Everytime we are suppose to run into a new Organization XIII member, we are always out for a walk?"
Riku shrugged. "I guess KershaFangs can't think of a better for us to meet the new member in a comically-placed situation huh?" Sora nodded.
Just on time, Exeria rode passed them on her motorcycle in a huge gust of wind and dust, going over 115 miles per hour. "LYKOMG!1!moveouttatehwayjackasses!"
Sora and Riku looked at each dazed. "What the hell was that? Some sort of black and yellow blur?" Sora shook his head and put his hand in his pockets. "I have no idea what that was or- hey I just found ten dollars in my pocket!"
Riku at Sora ludicrously. "Dude! Those are my pants!" Sora down and indeed, those were Riku's pants. "Hey is it weirder that I had no money on me too?"
Just then Cloud came running by then he stopped for a breath and asked, "Hey have any of- hey nice pants Sora! Have any of you seen a blonde girl on my motorcycle?"
Sora nodded. "Yeah she just passed us like fifthteen seconds ago." Cloud screamed. "Emily! I'm coming to get you!"
Riku whispered in Sora's ear, "Do you know who Emily is?" Sora shook his head.
Again Elsewhere...
Exeria sped up on Cloud's motorcycle. "LYKOMG!11imlykesooofast!SPEEDISPOWER!" Just then Cloud saw his beloved 'Emily' and Exeria... headed right for him! "Emily! Wait, wait stop!"
Now Cloud was hanging unto 'Emily' for dear life. "Stop! Stop right now you crazy girl!" Exeria simply replided by speeding up even more and heading straight toward a brick wall. "Stop! Sto- AHHHHHHH!" It was too late and 'Emily' exploded and Exeria and Cloud were sent rocketing through the air. Cloud finally land, completely covered in soot, and started crying, "Emily! My dear Emily! Why? It was not yet your time!"
Exeria land awkrawkly as well but she quickly patted the soot of her and said, "LYKOMG!1tehbikegoboomboom!nowineedsanotherfastbike!needtogofast!"
A hour and a therapy appointment later...
Sora, Riku and Squall sat next to Cloud for the funeral for his beloved 'Emily'. "Now now Cloud... don't cry... Emily lived a good life and I'm sure she was happy."
"I know... I know, it was just so sudden! Emily!" Cloud sobbed out. Riku looked at Cloud weirdly. "Are you're going to be ok?" Cloud nodded. "It was just that... me and Emily were going to get married in the spring."
"Cloud, are you aware that Emily was just a motorcycle right?" Zephyr asked.
"The truth! The truth it burns!"
In the midst of the funeral Exeria appeared again only this time, she was in the driver seat of a 1985 Delorian. "LYKOMG!gottagofast!"
Exeria slammed down on the gas pedal, speeding toward everyone, but in a spilt second...
BOOM!
Everyone opened their eyes and saw that Exeria and the car were gone and all that was left was some skid mark ended at a point where the ground was covered in soot. "Oh... my... KershaFangs... she... she went so fast that she opened a gate in the space-time continuim and went back in time..."
Zephyr nodded and said, "Yo that's som' freaky shit right there!"
At The Castle That Never Was...
Xemnas sliently read a book until he heard the doorbell ring. 'Hey it's the pizza man! The pizza better have extra-cheese this time! KershaFangs, help him if I find the regular amount of cheese on there...'
Xemnas opened the door and saw Zephyr. "Zephyr, what are you doing here? It's not time for you to ruin my day yet." Zephyr nodded and walked in. "I know but I have some bad and good news. Exeria has been trapped in the space-time continium and there is a little chance she may ever return."
Xemnas shrugged. "Ok so what's the bad news?" Zephyr smiled and said, "I lied, there is a very good chance she is coming back."
------------------
Ok sorry guys that this is took so long to make this chapter! My sisters haven't even let me have a shot at the computer for like five days and it took me forever to type this out with my cousin's baby messing with the keyboard. Well please review!
