Disclaimer: I don't own it. :throws frying pan at lawyer:

Havoc frowned. "I thought we had special defense forces solely to fight fangirls. What happened to them?"

Falman shook his head. "They were taken out in a matter of minutes, sir. We believe the fangirls were waiting to ambush Colonel Mustang. He was last seen running away from a very large group of them. We've also received a report of a sh- small blond being abducted from in front of the library. We believe that to be Edward Elric, as the report states that the subject was screaming obscenities."

"Yeah, that's gotta be the chief. Hey, where's Fuery? I haven't seen him yet."

Breda paled. "You don't want to know."

"Tell me what happened, Breda!"

Breda jumped, Havoc sounded unusually serious. "Well, Lieutenant Hawkeye led us out to see if we could stop the fangirls who were trying to enter the offices. She was telling us that they are extremely hard to defeat, but it can be done. She also said the Colonel would be as helpless as if was raining. Anyway, next thing we know, these four girls jumped out of nowhere and started yelling, "Oh, it's Cain! Fuery is so cute!" and stuff like that. They pulled out these purple whip like things, and they wrapped around Fuery. Lieutenant Hawkeye ran forward, shooting them with every step, but it was like the bullets just bounced off."

Falman sighed. "A larger group came running up and started screaming at the lieutenant. I will not repeat what they said. They didn't have any kind words for her. Lieutenant Hawkeye fired until she was out of bullets, but they just laughed and grabbed her. They started dragging her away, and they weren't very gentle."

Havoc let out a whistle. "So why didn't you two get grabbed?"

"They said we weren't cute enough." Breda grumbled.

"Okay, first we have to find out where the fangirls have set up their castle. They like castles. Then, we'll have to figure out how to infiltrate it. And hopefully by that time, we'll have discovered their weakness." Havoc looked at his men. "You are certain that Hawkeye said they have a weakness, right?"

KABOOM!

The office door blew apart. Havoc, Breda, and Falman turned to see a strange person standing among the splinters.

The person, a female person, wore a black, skintight outfit. Curly pink hair flowed over her shoulders to outline a very well developed bustline.

"Run!" Havoc grabbed Breda and Falman and began shoving them towards the window.

"But…Look…She's…pretty…" Breda's eyes glazed over, and he began to fight off Havoc.

"Ha, ha, ha! Let him go, he can't resist me!" the thing in the doorway cackled.

Havoc and Falman shoved Breda through the window, and quickly followed.

"We have to get word to Central. The enemy are using Mary Sues!" Havoc hauled Breda to his feet and began to run.

Roy Mustang looked at the boy lying to his left. I think they broke him.

Ed was curled up on his side, a strange, loopy sort of grin on his face. Every once in a while, he would mumble 'kittens', followed by a high pitched giggle. The giggle was followed by sobbing.

Roy sighed and wiggled his feet.

Central H.Q.

"Lt. Colonel Hughes, we've received a very strange phone call. You're needed at once."

Hughes looked up from his newest photo album. "Oh, it must be Elicia, calling to tell me hello-

"No, sir, it's Lieutenant Havoc from East City. He says something has happened."

Hughes grabbed the phone. "Hey, Havoc, if you weren't able to get that tea set for Elicia, don't worry, you can get her - What? Are you sure? Roy and Edward? I'll handle things here, you take care of yourself, okay? Call when you find the castle." Hughes hung up and looked at his secretary.

"Get the Fuhrer on the line. We've got big problems in East City."

Notes: I set this in East City just so I could put Hughes in. I miss him… Oh, if anyone has sent me any messages, aol may have deleted them. Sorry.