Summary:
Aelius trains Ash and the Dead Horses to prepare them for the inevitable fight that will break out with the war like White Legs tribe.
Joshua returns from a successful 3 day mission of intercepting and fighting off White Legs, only to return to some unexpected and surprising news from Mary back at the Sorrows Camp.
Ash has suspicions about Aelius being so distant with her for several days and catches him in an awkward situation with one of the tribe women, Smiling Flower, that leads her to believe her relationship with Aelius has come to an unfortunate end.
"Again!" Aelius' voice rang out in the open field as he observed the Dead Horses practising the hand to hand combat movements and techniques that he'd been instructing them since early morning. The majority of the men and women were doing extremely well, with only one or two members somewhat struggling to keep up.
Since the White Legs upped their attacks on tribes and destroyed the New Canaanite settlement, Aelius was determined to get them all ready for anything the White Legs could throw at them, and then some. He used the knowledge he gained from his own training in the Legion to take them through attacking, parrying, defending stances and moves, including how to deal with multiple enemy attacks. Though the Dead Horses were not new to combat, everyone could benefit from a few new moves that would help throw off their enemies when the time came to fight.
Every member was paired up with someone, and Aelius made sure to mix up the pairs so that the women could get a feel for what levels of intensity they needed in their attacks when facing the men.
His keen eyes noticed Ash making some mistakes as she got knocked down and he quickly moved behind her, pulling her back onto her feet and taking hold of her arms in his so he could manipulate her movements. He guided her on the proper defensive stance, with feet shoulder width apart and knees bent to show her how she should be ready to parry an attack.
"Hey!" Ash protested, but Aelius instructed her partner Follows Chalk to carry out his attack.
"You are certain?" Follow's Chalk hesitated.
"Yes", Aelius nodded, a confident look in his eyes.
"I can do this on my own you know", Ash protested.
"I know you can. Just relax and follow my movements", Aelius instructed her and he felt her tense body relax and allow him to direct her.
Follows Chalk initiated the attack and Aelius sprang to action, directing her body movements swiftly and effectively to parry and dodge the punches. He was so fast that Ash couldn't help but hold her breath until it was over a few seconds later.
"Good!" Aelius nodded in approval, letting go of Ash's arms so she could repeat what they just did, "Remember to keep breathing, and don't tense up" he added.
Feeling slightly more confident, Ash nodded to Follows Chalk and they repeated the moves, this time without Ash stumbling back and falling on her backside. A wide grin spread on her face as a rush flowed through her; this was the first time she was able to successfully pass this set.
"Great! That's perfect, keep it up", Aelius praised them both before moving off to help others.
"We make good sparring team", Follows Chalk remarked with a smile, "And Aelius… he's good teacher".
The tribe carried on practising until late afternoon, finishing on a high note with some intense full on hand to hand combat. Considering she hardly had any combat training, Ash thought she did well for herself. It took her a bit longer to get the moves down right but when she did, she felt she could hold her own in a fight. It did however make her wish she had taken those free self-defence exercises that were offered at Camp McCarran when her husband was alive…
As the rest of the camp began to move off and start preparations for the evening meal, Ash noticed Aelius walking out of the camp without a word. This was the fifth time for at least two hours in a week that he had run off straight after training and it made Ash slightly suspicious and worried. She asked Smiling Flower if she could watch over Gael for her while she followed Aelius into the wilderness, to which her friend happily agreed. What she expected to find him doing she didn't know, but her imagination was running wild trying to picture what he could possibly be doing away from camp for so long.
As she crossed a stream and walked into a clearing with several tall fir trees around, what she saw almost made her jaw drop.
In a short time, Aelius had managed to make himself a gym… a wild jungle style gym with sacks filled with rock and sand acting as weights attached to ropes and a pulley systems for arm and shoulder exercises, ropes reaching high up in the trees for climbing, and ten foot long logs that were at least a foot in diameter organised in neat rows with tightly woven ropes as handles. When she sneaked in the clearing, what she saw made her stop abruptly; she'd come in to see him mid workout as he was pulling the large weighted sacks, working out his arms and chest… and it she was mesmerised by the sight of him as he carried on about his exercises seemingly oblivious to her presence. Although Aelius was already a muscular man, he looked even bigger now as his arms, chest and shoulders strained against the weights at the end of the ropes; his rippling musculature highlighted so tantalisingly by the sheen of perspiration on his skin… and the restrained grunts and groaning noises he made as he pulled and released the weights repeatedly made her face flush and heart flutter.
"What are you doing here?" he grunted, letting go of the ropes making the weights fall with a loud thud.
"I… I uh… was just wondering where you've been running off to these past few days", Ash answered in surprise, "Wait… did you know I was here all along?"
"Mhm", he nodded, wrapping strips of cloth around his palms, "You're noticeably heavy footed when you walk, I could hear you following when we left training".
Ash stood rooted to her spot with her mouth slightly ajar, wondering why he did not say anything.
"Why'd you pretend not to notice me then?"
"Because I could tell you were enjoying the view", he grinned sheepishly, moving on to the rope.
Ash felt her face blush and her gaze darted away from him, trying not to look at his attractive figure that excited her so much.
"So… you weren't going to share your knowledge of this gym to the others?" she tried to change the direction of their conversation.
"They know about it", Aelius answered as he wrapped strips of cloth over his hands and tucked the ends in, "Some of the men helped me set this up. A few come to use it but not as much as I do".
"I see", Ash glanced around the area, wondering if there was anything here she could do herself. While Aelius busied himself with his climbing exercise, Ash wandered over to the weights and, grabbing one of the ropes, tried to pull it up and off the ground. It was a struggle and Ash found that she had to lean back with most of her body weight to get the damned thing to move. Dropping the rope with a huff and rubbing her sore palms where the rope was digging into her skin, she couldn't help but feel woefully unfit.
'He makes this look so easy' she thought.
"Well… I'll leave you to it then", Ash called, craning her head up to see him at the top of the tree already.
"You can join me if you want", he answered back, quickly descending down the rope and dropping the last few feet onto the soft earth with a thud, "This isn't just for the men you know".
Ash nodded, feeling somewhat self-conscious about her own physical condition, "I know. It's just…"
"…Too heavy?" Aelius guessed her answer correctly.
"And I'm really out of shape", Ash shrugged, feeling deflated, "I tried pulling that one sack and I had to really put all of my own weight into it to even get it to move".
"Well we'll adjust the weight then!" Aelius eagerly moved to the section she was referring, "Make it more suitable for you".
"No, no, it's alright. You already have it set up the way you want it to", she waved his suggestion away but Aelius wasn't ready to give up.
"It's not a problem Ash", he smiled at her, taking out several bags of sand and a few rocks until he felt it would be a good weight for her, "Besides, I'd appreciate your company".
Ash rocked on her heels, thinking over his proposal; normally she would immediately jump at the chance to do anything with Aelius, but her insecurity with her own abilities made her hesitate. He was a tall, strong individual and truth be told she was intimidated by his raw strength.
"I dunno Aelius… I'm just not… Strong like you. I don't think this is for me; maybe I should just stick with the hand to hand combat", she shrugged.
Her admission softened his expression and he decided to take a more relaxed approach.
"Oh… well, if that's what you want to do…", he dropped the bag and walked up to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, "But, you know you don't have to be as strong as someone else to do the things they do"
"I know".
"Everyone has a starting point. When I first started training, I wasn't able to do much of what was demanded of me".
"I find that hard to believe", Ash answered, looking him up and down.
"No, seriously", Aelius chuckled, "I used to be so lanky and bony. My sisters used to make fun of me all the time".
"What?" Ash chuckled, and her eyes widened in disbelief, "That wasn't very nice of them".
"Maybe not, but I didn't take it to heart… Everything changed when the Legion captured us though… Since then I worked hard, harder than any of the other initiates because I thought that if I was big enough…strong enough… I could fight the Legion off and rescue my mother and sisters single-handedly".
Ash's gaze softened and she empathised for him, her chest heavy with sadness at what he and so many other innocents were forced to go through.
"I'm sorry about your family, Aelius", she said in a hushed voice, "You must think about them often".
Aelius shared a bittersweet smile with her, "Yes, I do… But the point I'm trying to make is that no matter how strong and accomplished I became physically, I never managed to make good on the promise I made to myself. No matter how muscular, or strong, or tall I was compared to the others, I wasn't able to believe in myself enough to do something about it… Until I came across you and Gael".
Ash felt her heart soar and she wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug. He reciprocated her feelings with a warm embrace, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.
"You know… I think this is the most we've ever spoken about your past", Ash murmured, feeling his heart beat steadily in his chest. She understood the message he was trying to get across to her and his approach succeeded; it made her feel more at ease with the prospect of doing more daunting exercises and training. "I know I don't say this often, but even after all that has happened… I'm eternally grateful that you came into our lives Aelius".
"Me too", he answered softly.
"And if you want to talk through things, I'm always here".
They shared a quiet moment together, appreciating each other's company before Aelius turned to her and asked if she was ready to give the exercises another go.
"Oh… Alright, I'll try", she answered.
"That's the spirit", Aelius exclaimed happily as he guided her through the exercise, helping her to achieve her best performance which would also help with her combat training.
By the time they were through with their training, Ash was a sweaty and hot mess. She couldn't remember the last time she'd ever broken this much of a sweat or felt this sore, but she was satisfied with her accomplishments; and judging by the loud grumbling her stomach made, she was famished.
"I feel like I could eat a whole brahmin", she commented, feeling her mouth salivate at the mere thought of food.
"I expect that the evening meal will be ready soon", Aelius looked at the glorious sunset over the canyon lands.
Ash started the trek back to camp but when she noticed he wasn't following she stopped to face him, giving him an impatient look.
"You go on ahead, I'll be there in a moment".
"You going to stay and do another set?" Ash's eyebrows rose with surprise.
"No, I need to wash up by the river. It would be rude to show up at the meal smelling foul, I wouldn't want to put our hosts off their food", Aelius answered.
"Oh…", Ash sighed, wondering if she needed to join him or if she could get away with it for the time being.
"You coming?" Aelius looked over at her expectantly. Although she was ravenously hungry, she couldn't say no to a bathing session with him; with being busy doing combat training and taking care of Gale, they hardly had any time alone to be intimate and release some of the raw tension that had been building between them. Besides, the last time they bathed together in a river they both ended up having an incredibly erotic time.
"Uh…yeah, sure", she nodded, feeling slightly sheepish and excited as she followed him down to the river.
It was dusk by the time Joshua finally made it back to the Sorrow's camp with several Sorrows warriors and a few of the New Canaanite men. They had been engaging with the White Legs for over three days, intercepting their attacks on other tribes and gathering information on the White Leg's camps so they could cut off supplies and force them back to their main site. If they could corner them in one location, then they could effectively drive them out of Zion for good. With all the grief, destruction, and death they caused others, Joshua was chomping at the bit to send the damned bastards running.
The New Canaanite camp was burned to the ground and Joshua didn't dare bring his people back them to rebuild; there was no doubt that their homes and the surrounding area were still being watched and checked regularly by White Leg scouts. They were desperate to find them, no doubt so they could drag him and whatever remained of his people to Caesar. A few days after their camp was destroyed, Joshua and his people made the dangerous and long trek down the canyons away from any White Leg territories they knew of. It was fortunate that they ran into a Sorrows scouting party who empathised with their plight and happily welcomed them to their camp. Times like these, Joshua was glad they had friends they could trust and count on in their time of need. To repay their generosity, Joshua and every able-bodied New Canaanite man and woman helped with the protection and maintenance of the camp; the men regularly took to doing supply runs along with scouting for enemies and new game, while the women helped at the camp, tended to the sick and wounded, and helped keep the camp safe while the men were away.
As he waded through the shallow stream back to the main Sorrows Camp, he couldn't help but think how much he'd missed carrying out missions like these. There was something to be said about the comradery that develops between people in combat and, unlike his time as the Malpais Legate in the Legion, this time he was making a positive impact and helping others.
Walking through the camp with his men, Joshua was surprised to see some of the Sorrows were awake and busying themselves with stoking their campfires for the morning meal. They all bowed their head in greeting as he passed them, and he returned their sentiment in kind. As he neared the cave he and Mary called home, he found Daniel sitting on a stump chair by one of the fires brewing what smelled like a herbal tea.
"Morning Joshua", Daniel nodded in greeting, pouring the light green coloured liquid into a metal camping cup.
"Good morning Daniel", Joshua nodded as he made his way to his friend, "The camp's stirring early today".
"Hmm, yes. A lot of work to do before the day starts", his friend replied, standing back up on sore legs and handing him the cup of freshly brewed tea. Even though he didn't enjoy tea, the slightly floral and minty aroma of this one certainly piqued his interest.
"Uh… Thank you Daniel, but… You know I don't drink tea", Joshua answered.
"I know. It's for Mary", he said, "I figure she'd appreciate it more if you brought it for her".
Joshua's gaze drifted worryingly to the liquid in the cup; Mary always preferred to have a fruit drink with agave or mutfruit now that she didn't have her lemon trees anymore, and only had tea if she was feeling ill.
"Is she still unwell?" he asked, trying not to let the worry spill into his tone.
Daniel's gaze shifted from the cave and back to Joshua with an uncertain look in his eyes, "She's… feeling a bit queasy this morning, but nothing serious."
"I don't understand, I thought she was getting better", Joshua muttered to himself. For several days now Mary had been under the weather, feeling lethargic, suffering bouts of nausea and hardly eating more than a few morsels of food. Joshua was hoping that she would be feeling more like herself again before he got back, though a weight of guilt was now settling on him.
'You should have stayed and cared for her', a voice chided him in the back of his head.
"Well, I think it's safe to say we've figured out what's wrong with our Mary, though it would be best if the word comes directly from her", Daniel answered cryptically. Joshua pressed him on the matter, but his old friend refused to divulge any further; even his sincere words of comfort that normally quelled the fire in his mind did nothing to solve his uneasiness. None-the-less, he thanked Daniel and quickly proceeded into the cave. Just as he was winding his way through the entrance, he heard shuffling of restless feet ahead.
"Mary, you awake?" he called as he made his way into the open chamber.
"Joshua?", Mary's weak voice came from the other side and Joshua saw her sitting on the edge of their bed, leaning onto her knees with her face in her hands.
'Something's wrong' ,a worried thought crossed his mind and he rushed to her side, laying an arm gently around her shoulders.
"Oh Mary… how are you feeling?"
She slowly looked up at him, dark circles underneath her eyes and her lips looking a bit dry. She didn't reply, simply attempted to smile… though it appeared more of a wince.
"Mary you're worrying me", his hand went for her forehead, checking for a fever.
"I'm not ill", she answered meekly, "At least, not in the way you think…", she eyed up the tea he held in his other hand.
"Daniel made you a fresh brew of… something", he handed her the cup, noticing her attention focusing on it.
"Thank you", she gladly took the cup and held it up to her nose, slowly inhaling the soothing aroma before taking a tentative sip, "I feel better already… especially now with you back home".
Joshua smiled behind his bandaged face and kissed her forehead, "How are you really feeling? Is it worse than before I left?"
Mary grimaced as another wave of nausea passed through her body and was slowly eased by consuming more tea, "Mmm… It's more intense now. But it will pass".
"Do you need some medicine? I could go with Daniel to some of the old campsites; I'm certain there's still some untouched storage containers with antibiotics".
"Antibiotics is the last thing I should be taking right now", Mary answered, "Anyway, I've gone through my symptoms and I'm certain it's not a virus or a bacterial infection".
"Then… what would you need to help you get better?" Joshua asked.
Mary hesitated, unsure of how to break the news to him. He kept his expectant gaze focused on her, waiting for the answer that was plain as day… at least for her, "Well, the tea helps, but… this is something that's going to take some time to get over".
"How much time?" Mary could hear the concern in his voice.
"Joshua, I don't know how to say this, but... I'm late", her brow furrowed as she began to explain, worrying that it might very well be news he didn't want to receive at this point,
"I don't understand", he tilted his head slightly to one side, watching her as if trying to figure out what she was suffering with.
"I'm pregnant", Mary answered plainly, watching the expressions in his gaze unfurl before of her. At first there was no reaction, but as the information started to sink in his widening grey eyes switching focus between her own, down to her abdomen and back again.
"Are…you certain?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes".
"You're pregnant…" he stated, though with the uncertainty in his tone it sounded more like a question.
Mary sighed and knew that this must all be overwhelming for him; it was for her when she realised what had been causing her so much discomfort and exhaustion, "Yes. At first I thought that I was late because of everything that has been going on since we fled from the White Legs… stress and anxiety can affect things like this for a woman. And for a time, I convinced myself that it was because of that, but when my symptoms persisted and I exhausted all the other diagnoses I could… I came to the only logical conclusion there was".
It took him a moment to absorb the news that Mary had unloaded on him, much longer than he thought he would need. Even though he knew that marriage eventually led to having children for many couples, he could never picture that happening for him. It was as if the world had suddenly come to a halt for Joshua; in that moment, nothing else in the world mattered, and that feeling in itself was incredibly overwhelming.
The expectant silence between them was beginning to make him feel awkward; Mary was expecting a response from him and all he could do was stare intensely at her. Blinking and giving his head a shake to bring himself out of his stupor, he reached out and took Mary's hands in his, "Forgive my silence Mary. This is… unexpected", he chuckled.
"I know", she simpered, feeling his hands give hers a reassuring squeeze, "I'm still getting my own head around it. I can't believe I'm going to be a mother".
Joshua's heart skipped a beat when he heard her words.
'Mother… she's the mother of your child… You are going to be a father. This is happening', he thought, and all at once he felt an overwhelming rush of excitement. Until that moment he thought the happiest day of his life was their wedding day when he saw Mary, dressed in her beautiful wedding gown, walking down the aisle to stand beside him. Her presence alone was enough to light up his life and sooth the fire that had once consumed him relentlessly, but now there was something else…someone new who would bring out another side of him and show him more of what life had in store. In that moment he knew that he was given the best gift in this life, and the thought of welcoming a beautiful new soul that was born out of the love he and Mary had for one another made him the happiest man in Zion.
"I know this isn't how we planned our future, we've not even discussed having children but… I want this, Joshua. I've wanted this for a long time", she gazed deeply into his eyes and he could see how important this was to her.
"Oh, Mary", Joshua exhaled, feeling tears beginning to well in his eyes, "Until you told me the news, I thought our lives were complete. I had no idea that I wanted this too… You have made me incredibly happy".
Mary's eyes beamed back at him with joy and Joshua moved closer to her, holding her in his arms as they took a moment to enjoy the news together.
"Is it…normal for you to feel so unwell?" he asked hesitantly after a while, "Do you think we should speak with Dawn, or Ashlee…get some advice from them?"
His suggestion was met with an amused chuckle from Mary, who couldn't help but be touched by him fretting over her. Even though the Sorrows tribesmen did care and tend to their mothers, wives and daughters with love and affection, she wondered what the other warriors would think of him if they saw Joshua worrying and fussing over his pregnant wife so much.
"Joshua Graham, you need to stop being such a worrier".
"When it comes to the love of my life, and now our unborn child, I will always worry", he smiled at her and let her take his bandages off.
"I've already spoken to Dawn…and Ash, however briefly. The truth is everyone is different, and every woman has a different experience when it comes to bearing a child".
"Well, if you're certain… but if anything changes-"
"I'll let you know", Mary interrupted him with a knowing smile, stroking the side of his cheek.
"And I will be here to help you with everything", he nodded.
Several days after the intense training and exercise session the Dead Horses tribe endured from Aelius, everyone was still paying the price for it - even the hardened warriors who were used to running long distances and were veteran hunters were walking with a bit of stiffness in their gait. Ash was especially sore with every muscle burning whenever she moved, and not because of the extracurricular activity she shared with Aelius by the river. Though she did everything she could to vie for his romantic attention when they were cleaning up before attending the evening meal, Aelius seemed to ignore every advance she made… even when she got more hands on with helping him wash up. In fact, he seemed somewhat annoyed by her attempts to be intimate with him and physically pulled away whenever she let her hand lightly 'slip' past his waist; so much so he hardly spoke with her for the rest of the night.
Her brow furrowed with in frustration as the memory of last night resurfaced; now that she thought about it Aelius was unusually keeping his distance from her for several days now. Normally he was more than eager to please when she made advances, but recently Ash could not really tell if he was playing hard to get or if he was growing tired of her.
'It doesn't seem like him', she thought worryingly.
'I mean, be honest with yourself: you hardly know the guy', a voice answered in the back of her head.
'I know him enough'.
'Hate to break it to you, but you don't', the voice persisted, and Ash couldn't deny that the voice was right.
Feeling a pang of anger well up inside, she sighed and turned to her side in an attempt to fall back to sleep… but a few moments of tossing and turning later she knew it was in vain.
With a pained groan she forced herself up and out of her cot, careful not to wake her sleeping son who was tucked in his own bed just opposite hers. She lovingly watched him sleep for a moment before leaning down and gently pulling back his long fine hair that was covering most of his face to give him a kiss on the forehead.
"Mama loves you, my little man", she whispered while he slept. No matter what happened in her life, Gael was her pride and joy, and nothing could ever make her feel sad or low as long as she had him.
Judging from the cool to the touch of Aelius' side of the bed, he was already up and out of the tent long before dawn.
'More training I bet', Ash thought grumpily as she wrapped a fur blanket over her shoulders for warmth.
Pulling back the cloth entrance covering of the tent they called their home, Ash peered outside to see it was still early in the morning, possibly no more than an hour past dawn with some of the Dead Horses gathering around the main camp fire for an early morning brew and breakfast. If the clear morning sky was anything to go by, it was going to be another nice and sunny day.
"Good morning", Ash greeted the other residents who seemed a little startled to see her up this early.
"Ash! You're awake already?", Follows Chalk exclaimed in surprise, eliciting an eyebrow raise from Ash.
"I will be after a cup of coffee", she answered groggily, accepting a metal cup filled with the dark liquid from one of the hunters, "You seem a bit surprised to see me up".
"Well… normally… you wake late", Follows Chalk answered hesitantly, but Ash could sense there was something else behind his tone.
"Have you seen Aelius?", she asked scanning the area for him, though there was no sign of him around.
"Must have gone for training… Why?" Follows Chalk answered.
Ash shook her head in response, "No reason. Thanks for the coffee" she gave them all a nod of appreciation and moved back to her tent on aching legs.
'They sure seemed odd this morning', she thought pensively as she recalled reactions of the Dead Horses around the campfire to her waking so early, and even though she tried to brush it off as nothing, it felt like an itch that needed to be scratched. With Gael still asleep and not showing signs of waking anytime soon, Ash decided she would go and try to find Aelius after she finished her coffee as quickly as she could. Taking her pistol and a machete just in case she needed it, Ash set out in search for Aelius. She didn't know why but she had a growing pit in her stomach for the past couple of days as if there was something wrong, not just between her and Aelius, but the Dead Horses too. Everyone seemed to almost tip toe around her, and she caught their apprehensive glances when they thought she wasn't looking.
The first place Ash thought to check, the training field, ended up empty; as did the exercise area where he showed her how to take her training to the next level, the tree in the stream where they shared some fruit together, even further down river where she'd heard he'd spent a lot of time setting up traps for intruders. After almost an hour of searching for him Ash was ready to turn around and head back to camp.
'Maybe he's finished doing whatever it was and is back at the tent now', she thought hopefully.
It wasn't until she was about to round a corner from the river leading inland when she heard voices further ahead that made her stop dead in her tracks. She strained to listen in on what was being said but couldn't discern anything with the babbling river right beside her. Crouching down slightly so she was harder to spot, Ash followed the voices up the steep incline from the river to a more forested and rocky area. It was definitely a male and female speaking, and as she got closer she felt a pang of excitement when she recognised Aelius's voice.
'What the hell is he doing here?' she thought, quietly hiding behind some thick shrubbery to listen in on their conversation. As she peered through the spaces in the shrubs to get a better look at who he was speaking with, Ash was surprised to find Smiling Flower there with him…holding his hand and caressing the side of his face.
"No worry Aelius, if Ash care for you, she understand…yes?" Ash heard Smiling Flower say to him.
"I hope so… but maybe we should tell her about this?", he asked hesitantly.
Smiling Flower shook her head, "No, no tell her. Must not know about this".
Aelius sighed and slumped his shoulders, but he smiled and nodded in agreement with her.
"Can you show me again what I need to do, to seal the bond between us?", he requested eagerly.
'Bond?! What fucking bond do you have with her?!' Ash felt as if someone had reached into her chest and was squeezing her heart.
Smiling Flower giggled and nodded enthusiastically, taking him by the arm and pulling him out of sight into a secluded cave nearby.
A wave of nausea intertwined with disgust and anger passed through Ash as she watched them disappear inside and her mind swam with images of what they were probably doing right now.
'So this is why you've been waking so early every morning', she thought with bitterness as she chided herself for ever feeling like there was anything between her and Aelius. All this time she thought Smiling Flower was her friend…when actually she was going behind her back with Aelius.
Not having the will or energy to stay until they both finished making a mockery of her feelings for him inside the cave, Ash marched herself back to camp, her mind swimming with images of their betrayal dispersed with plans on what she was going to do next. She wanted to confront him, confront the both of them in plain sight at camp.
Reaching the camp, she marched with a deadly silence past the other tribespeople who seemed to warily glance her way; but as soon as Ash entered her tent she felt overwhelmingly despondent and betrayed, so much so her body began to quiver and tears streamed down her face. Feeling her legs were about to give way with grief, she stumbled to her side of the bed and sat down with her face in her hands.
"Mommy?" Gael's groggy voice called from his bed, rousing Ash from her sadness.
"Hey little man", she sniffed and wiped away her tears, quickly pulling herself together so her son wouldn't be worried by her appearance, "Did I wake you?"
Gael shook his head but seeing his mother distraught, he reached out his arms for a hug.
"Oh, you're mom's little angel, you know that?" Ash sighed as she picked him up in her arms, "Did you sleep well?"
Gael nodded, "Uh huh".
"You must be hungry after such a good night's sleep then", Ash cradled him in one arm while she fussed over his bed hair with the other.
"Yes!" Gael answered excitedly.
Ash wiped her face with a clean cloth to get rid of any evidence of her devastation before making her way out of the tent with her son in her arms for some breakfast. She sat him down on a bench and brought them both a bowl of morning stew, even though she had no appetite of her own.
It wasn't until about half an hour later when Ash saw Aelius and Smiling Flower walking back into the camp. The sight of them talking and laughing together made her stomach turn, but she bit back the bitterness that was growing in her mouth and mustered a forced smile when he returned and greeted her.
"Hey", he said with a surprised look on his face when he saw her up and about, "You're up early".
"So everyone keeps reminding me", Ash quipped wryly, catching Aelius off guard.
"Everything alright?" he asked tentatively, noticing the snappiness in her tone.
'I could ask you the same, but I'm guessing you'd just lie to me wouldn't you?' Ash thought to say, but bit back those angry thoughts and forced a smile to placate him.
"Yeah, yeah… Still feeling tired and sore from all the training".
"Okay… We'll go easy on training today", he added, sitting down next to her and placing an arm around her waist, "We can go to the river after to clean up together, but properly this time; like you wanted the other night".
Ash's eyes widened in anger at the gall he had to try comforting her when she saw him with Smiling Flower not long ago, but she turned to Gael in an attempt hide her expression.
"Aelius, is everything alright between us?" she asked earnestly.
"Yes… I'd like to think so", he answered with a quizzical expression, "Why do you ask?"
"You've been a bit…distant", she turned and faced him, gazing into his eyes to observe his reactions, "I was just wondering if there was anything that was wrong, anything you wanted to say to me?"
Though he was slightly confused by her question, Ash could see a glint of worry in his body language as he broke eye contact.
"Uhh… No, not really. I've just been pre-occupied with training the Dead Horses in case they need to defend themselves and the camp".
"So there's no one else?" Ash asked deadpan.
"W-what?" Aelius stammered, shifting in his seat, "What do you mean?"
"Another person you're maybe romantically interested in".
"No!", Aelius answered almost as if he was affronted by the very question, "Of course not. Why would you ask?"
Ash shrugged and took a bite of her breakfast, even though it felt like the lump in her throat was growing with his every word, "Just curious as to why you're being so distant. From my experience with men, limited though it is, this is usually the case".
"Ash, I'm not interested in another person", Aelius gazed into her eyes and for a moment Ash almost believed his duplicitous sincerity…for a moment that lump was easy to swallow.
"If you say so…", she answered, trying to sound convinced by his lies.
"Hey, after our training today, I promise to pay more attention to you", he leaned in closer to her and stroked the side of her cheek.
Ash grimaced, biting back the frustration she felt with him; she wanted to smack his advances away and let the whole tribe know what he and Smiling Flower were up to in the early hours of the day.
'No doubt her companion would want to know his partner was going behind his back too', she thought bitterly. Instead, she pursed her lips, gave Aelius a curt nod and allowed him to give her a hug before he went off to grab some food for himself.
'I am such a fool, such a stupid fool' she thought to herself, feeling the tension rise within her. It was taking all of her willpower not to break down into a sobbing mess right then and there. As the day went on and she caught glimpses of Aelius stealing soft whispers with Smiling Flower in the corner of her eye, she made up her mind that when they all left to do his training that she would leave the Dead Horses and go to the Sorrows camp where her mother and Joshua were living, taking Gael and her belongings with them. The way she saw things, it was easier for her to stomach grovelling back to her mother than staying here with someone who openly lied to her about his intentions and made a mockery of her.
Coming back to camp from the talk he had with Smiling Flower earlier that morning, Aelius was surprised to see Ash up and awake, but he grew worried when she questioned him about their relationship. Aelius was never a good liar, his body language and facial expressions were like an open book, at least that's what he'd been told by his family and even when he was a Legionary soldier; it was one of his weaknesses that had gotten him into hot water on more than several occasions in the Legion.
"So there's no one else?... Another person you're maybe romantically interested in?" Ash's question replayed in his mind and the pained expression on her beautiful features that she tried to hide from him as she spoke. He was so blindsided by her question that he couldn't believe she was even questioning his devotion to her.
'You should spend more time with her', he chided himself, 'Yes juggling training, hunting, setting traps and planning your Dead Horses bonding ritual to Ash is a lot, but you also have to set aside quality time with her. And whatever happens, try not to ruin the surprise for her'.
'But what if she doesn't approve? What if she says no? After what happened in her life and losing a husband the way she did, maybe she doesn't want to marry again' another part of him wondered, making him wrestle internally with the decision.
Aelius' brow furrowed as he went back and forth within himself: should he tell her that he was planning a tribal wedding ceremony for them with the help of the other tribes people, or keep quiet about the whole event? This was a question he couldn't answer himself, so he sought guidance from the most qualified individual on the matter he knew: Smiling Flower.
"Hey…Flower?" he whispered as he approached her, "I uh… I'm not certain about this whole ceremony".
"Why not certain?" her brow furrowed in confusion.
"I feel like I should tell Ash about what we're planning".
Smiling Flower's eyes widened in disappointment and she gave a short shake of her head in disapproval, "But… That take away from feeling, from sacredness of ceremony", she whispered urgently.
"I know but look at her", he motioned lightly with his head to Ash behind him, and Smiling Flower's eyes quickly darted to her and Gael sitting on their bench eating breakfast, "I've never seen her like this, so…sad. I think if I told her what we are planning that it might cheer her up".
Smiling Flower blinked and took in a deep breath before answering, "If want, you tell. But it lose feeling, it not sacred then, not cherished memory if know what going to happen".
'She does have a point', Aelius thought.
"Alright…", he exhaled, "I… I won't tell her. We go ahead as planned".
"Good!" Smiling Flower beamed with excitement, "Much work to do! Not much time". And with that she went back to her duties to get things ready for his and Ash's bonding ceremony and to make a start with the other tribespeople on the meals for the day, leaving Aelius to get the others ready for training in the next half an hour.
When the others were ready and began to gather in groups for their hand to hand combat training, Aelius noticed that Ash was no where to be found outside. He checked their tent and found her reorganising some items and packing others in a satchel, stopping abruptly when he asked if she would join them for the session.
"I'm going to skip today's session Aelius", she answered with thinly veiled frustration in her tone, "Go ahead without me"
"Oh… are you sure?" he asked, hovering at the entrance.
"I'm tired and still sore from all the other days of training, so yes, I'm sure".
"Alright, no problem", he said, moving into the tent to embrace her, "We can move training to tomorrow or another day, and I'll help you relax-"
"No!", Ash snapped at him before composing herself again, "No, Aelius…it's fine, really. You go on ahead, I just need a day to rest".
Her reaction took him aback and he couldn't help but feel that she just wanted him to get as far away from her as possible. He didn't know what he did to deserve her anger, but he knew when Ash needed her space and he wasn't going to push her if she wasn't in the mood to talk to him about what was bothering her.
'Just give her some space, by the time you get back from training things will simmer down, he told himself.
"…If that's what you want, then… I'll leave you to rest up", he replied in a hushed voice, visibly dejected by her reaction and left Ash to herself in the tent.
The others were waiting for him so they could take the trek to the flat plains to practice their fighting tactics, but Aelius was miles away in his own head. The day's training session was almost a blur as he kept going over the conversations between him and Ash in his memory, wondering what had happened for Ash to snap at him like that. Apart from the day they escaped the Legion those many months ago, he couldn't recall the last time she snapped at him like that. Although they did have disagreements in the past, it never escalated to an argument.
Morning training sped on by and before he knew it the afternoon rolled in, and after two hours of training it was time to head back to the Dead Horses camp.
On the return journey, Follows Chalk approached Aelius, noticing that he wasn't as invested or enthusiastic about today's session as he was in the past.
"Hoi, friend", he jogged up to him, matching his gait as they followed the path back home, "You seem not yourself today".
Aelius shook his head, squinting in the bright afternoon light, "No… I'm not, I guess…"
"Something wrong?"
"I don't know", Aelius exhaled, trying to think of what to say, "Ash hasn't been feeling well today. I'm just a little worried about her".
"Hmm… I see", Follows Chalk nodded, his brow furrowing as he tried to find something to say that would help brighten his mood.
"Did you notice anything strange with Ash today?" Aelius questioned, hoping that Follows Chalk would help give him some answers.
"She woke early this morning. Strange…for her, I think", Follows Chalk added, "She came out of your tent, asked where you were… We did not say, we know you are planning the bonding ritual and Smiling Flower was helping you find the right place for it, so we keep quiet. She finished her coffee and vanished, I think, to look for you".
"I see…", Aelius sighed.
"When she came back to camp, she looked angry. She tried to hide, but we could tell something wrong", Follows Chalk added, "Hmm… Maybe… Speak with her now, when we return. Yes?"
Aelius nodded, "Yes, you're right. Thank you, my friend,".
Follows Chalk grinned a bright white smile up at him and Aelius was glad he had friends like him to confide with.
By the time they made it back to the camp, some of the members that had stayed to rest and prepare the meals were already preparing the bowls of food for their return. Noticing that Ash and Gael weren't outside, he figured that they were both probably resting in the cool shade of the tent. Taking three bowls of food in his large hands, one for him, Ash and Gael, Aelius sauntered over to their tent. It was Ash's favourite today – roasted radstag with sweet yucca mash and chargrilled jalapeno peppers. He was sure to get a positive reaction from her this time.
"Ash, Gael, you up?" he called outside the tent before pulling back the flap and walking in, though there was no sign of them there.
His eyes widened with surprise as he set the bowls to the side and called out their names again. No answer came, but he did notice several items missing, including all of Gael's toys and clothes.
He felt his heartbeat quicken with worry as he searched around for them, only to find a scrap of paper he thought was waste lying on the side of the bed with a hurriedly written message in Ash's handwriting:
I saw what you did this morning, and I know you lied to me about there not being another woman.
I've decided to go to the Sorrows camp.
If you cared about me and Gael at all, you'll leave us alone.
-Ash
Aelius's eyes widened in disbelief and he felt his heart beat furiously in his throat.
'She must have passed by near the cave this morning, saw Smiling Flower and I discussing the details of our bonding at the wrong moment and thought I was being unfaithful with her, a voice in the back of his head said, 'You have to go and find her now and tell her the truth!'
"Shit", Aelius swore under his breath, pocketing Ash's note in a pouch in his belt before darting for his satchel and weapons. The road to the Sorrows camp was long and fraught with danger both from wild animals that roamed the land and the increasing number of ambush attacks from White Legs. Without another thought, he secured his weapons and sprinted out of the tent, following the path out of camp and down to the raucous river where he followed it upstream.
If only he'd been more attentive to her, given her more time instead of strictly allocating the hours of his day to other and was honest and told Ash what he had planned for them both…maybe they wouldn't be in this situation.
What's done could not be undone, but now he had to deal with the situation at hand. He just hoped that they were both safe and that he could reach them before someone, or something, found them wandering the canyon lands alone…