Chapter 18

Last week, continued…

Tuesday morning and five-thirty like clockwork, she was finally sleeping soundly on her back when she was awakened by extreme nausea. Getting up and running to the bathroom, quickly dropping to her knees, she just barely missed the bowl and began throwing up. White knuckled, another gush of vomit came out as she coughed, then fell back against the wall, wiping her mouth with the back of her right hand and reached to flush with the other.

She cursed under her breath, just wishing that this part of her pregnancy were over!

"Can I get you anything?" Peter said nervously as he knelt by the toilet with her, caressing her face, which was slowly starting to regain its color. He was always worried when she was like this, no matter how much she or the doctor explained to him that it was normal.

She missed him; missed Noah, and she rubbed her stomach thinking about when she and Peter would get the test results and finally be able to tell Noah that he'd be getting that brother or sister he wanted. She smiled thinking how excited he would be.

Spitting out the mouthwash into the sink, she decided to take a shower since she was up and went to turn on the hot water.

As the water poured over her head, drenching her hair. She reached for her shampoo, thinking how she could get out of coffee with David as she began to lather her hair. There was no logical reason for her to go, even if she harbored no ill will towards David, which she didn't. She understood why things went down the way they did all those years ago; it's just, back then, it hurt so much.

"Maybe that's the real issue," she said. "Maybe you're thinking too hard about how you felt back then…"

The day practically flew by, and before she knew it, it was already noon. She still hadn't called David to agree to meet up with him, but she just couldn't decide if it was something she should or wanted to do, and was so glad that she didn't have any way of contacting him, they'd both overlooked that one detail last night. Now, feeling drained, she skipped lunch and took a nap in her suite before returning to the conference; this one was on Sexual Assault and the Elderly.

"Fun…" she quipped sarcastically, thinking about the grim subject as she headed into the meeting.

Three o'clock finally came around, and she couldn't wait to get up to her room, call Noah and Peter, and have something to eat. She was walking through the lobby, with her head in her bag searching for her phone, when suddenly…

"Olivia…" A voice called, a familiar voice coming closer.

Fuck! She thought as she looked up from her bag, cursing herself that she didn't have time to duck behind a plant and hide. "David... What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was waiting for your call all day when I realized that it wouldn't come because I forgot to give you my contact information,"

He was persistent; she had to give him that. And she had to admit, he looked so good - better even than when she saw him last all those years ago. He was still very handsome, but now distinguishingly so with a very slight bit of grey starting to creep around his temp-

Are you seriously thinking of the grey around his temples, Olivia?

"So... What do you say? Can we go for coffee or late lunch? Have you had?" He said, looking directly at her as he smiled.

Olivia, this is insane…

"It's three o'clock…"

"You still like ramen? I know a place that makes the most amazing…"

As he carried on, she thought about how she did love a good bowl of ramen; and she was hungry. But still, she should have said no. She should have said she had another meeting, anything, but by no means should the next sentence have left her mouth after a brief pause.

"I'm off caffeine, but we can get something to eat... Just let me change."

She got up to her room and called home before she took a quick shower and changed. Now, standing in the mirror after applying lip gloss, she tossed her hair back and sighed.

Are you really doing this? The voice again sounded in her head. He said all he needed to say to you the night he left. The night they'd gotten a room at the hotel where they had drinks in the bar and agreed that it had to end. The night they'd made love a final time, the night she put her pride aside and begged him not to leave her. The night she tried to give him everything she had inside her and they ended up making savage love for the entirety of the night. He'd left sometime during the early morning while she was sleeping, a note left on the pillow that simply read:

I'm sorry…

She never saw him again after that.

Shaking off the memory, she did a final check in the mirror before she headed out. There was no harm in her doing this, right?

…

At the ramen shop, they were seated at a small table near a window in the back. Most of the meal had been eaten quietly, she purposely not having much to say to him, and he being at a loss for words even though since yesterday, he'd been dying to talk to her. There was so much that he wanted to say, to try to explain to her about why he'd left all those years ago, how even being in the same city as her hurt too much, but still he couldn't give up his career; a choice that till this day he regrets.

Staring at her, God, she was still so beautiful. The years had definitely been good to her. When she looked up, a noodle between her lips as she slurped it, leaving a bead of broth in its trail. He had to fight everything in him to not run his thumb across her gorgeous lips and was thankful when she wiped with the napkin.

"Health kick?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said you were off caffeine, and I was wondering…"

She was definitely not about to discuss her pregnancy with him. "You know, you got me here on the premise that we were going to talk."

"Straight to it..."

Olivia stirred the noodles in her bowl with her chopsticks while staring at him.

"I know that look,"

"What look?" She asked as she ate the noodles from her chopsticks.

"The one that says you're becoming impatient. Just so you know, I thought I had this; ever since I saw you yesterday, I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to say to you,"

"Come up with anything?" She asked as she pulled apart the pork with her chopsticks and ate a piece.

Awkwardly, he laughed. "Uh…not quite." Olivia smiled, looking down at her bowl. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all, they both thought as they sat there quietly, a loud silence between them that Olivia decided she'd be the one to break. "I need to apologize."

Confused, he had to ask, "why?"

"When I saw you yesterday, it was such a shock for me. I hadn't so much as heard your name in nine years and I took a lot of those feelings that I had about the situation back then- about us and how we ended things… You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry.

But David knew that her reaction to him wasn't totally underserved, and he told her just that. There were times, for years, and still until this day where he thought about what if, and knew he could have handled things much better than he did. For one, he could have been more of a man and fought hard for the love he and Olivia shared. For God's sake, he wanted to marry this woman, and he didn't think he'd ever feel that way again after what a complete trainwreck his first marriage had been (Nothing good had come from that except the children). And when he met Olivia, he was a different man. Older, wiser - so he thought, yet when it all came down to it, when the heat was on, he couldn't handle the pressure and left the love of his life. He never found anyone that he even came close to having what he had with her. It was quick, but it was the deepest thing he'd ever felt for anyone. A love that he still can't get over.

"I appreciate that, I really do," he thanked her, wanting so badly to take her hand in his, " but we both know that how I handled us and how I should have handled us were two completely different things. I know that I hurt you. I moved like a boy back then when I should have been a man…I can't change it now. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am and be thankful that I got the chance to say it to you after all these years."

…

It was much later, now nine o'clock. They had been all over the city, David acting as he tour guide and them just talking about everything - memories, where things went wrong and apologies. Now, he had seen her back to her hotel where they had just exited the taxi they had been in, a good thing because she was exhausted.

"Captain in the NYPD? Not bad."

"Don't be so modest, Mr. Deputy Attorney General."

"Not the top spot yet, but I've got my eye on it," he said all while stealing looks at her. God, she was as flawless as the day they'd first met.

"You know, you've been staring at me since-" Olivia said.

"Yesterday," he laughed, embarrassed. "I know, and I'm kind of sorry,"

"Kind of?"

"It's shocking to see how beautiful you've remained,"

"...sorry to disappoint you?" She laughed.

"No, I didn't mean…" he smiled awkwardly. "How have you stayed looking as incredible as the night I-"

"...left me?"

"Liv, I didn't mean to make it seem like -" Suddenly, for just a moment it got quiet between them. "I'm sorry. I never got to say that to you, and I wanna say it now,"

"And it only took nine years." it came sarcastically, but inside, she hurt. He had been opening up old wounds, painful on and off ones for hours.

"I know what a jerk I was to you. But back then, all I could see was my career, and ironically, it led me to lose the best thing I ever had. It never felt as real with anyone as it did with you... It still doesn't."

She wished she could say the same. But the truth was, she'd found the love that had eluded her for so long, and it was perfect; well, nothing was perfect, but it was as close as anything could come. All day, she figured how she would tell him, but then she decided that she wouldn't although he made no secret about wishing things could have been different - several times. She'd seen him tonight, and that would be it. Two more days, and she'd fly back home with her husband and son.

"I should go; I have an early day."

"Oh, I," he stammered. "Can I see you again tomorrow?" He begged.

Unsure of what else to say, "Maybe that's not the best of ideas. I'm busy with conferences, and we shouldn't make this a habit."

"Not all habits are bad,"

"But they're consuming- all of them. Besides, I'm sure you must have -"

"I can make time."

"You're staring again,"

"I still can't believe I'm seeing you again after all these years." He said with his eyes locked on her as he took a tendril of her hair that the wind had blown out of place and tucked it behind her ear. He rested his hand on her cheek for a moment while they looked at- more like stared at each other. Him thinking how soft she was and her thinking she had to tell him.

"David -"

"Proper dinner this time?"

You're gonna regret this, Olivia.

"I don't think…" but she looked up at him; she never could resist his smile... "Okay, yes…I'll have dinner with you. But we have to talk."

He was so excited, she didn't think he heard that last part. "I'll pick you up at seven then." And before she knew what was happening, he leaned in…

Wait, what is he doing? He's not going to…

He kissed her lips. Slow and sensual. His hand tangled in her hair, and his other wrapped around her waist to pull her closer. Her body suddenly couldn't resist and she drew tighter against his; she couldn't think! He was holding her, and he was kissing her. His lips were on her lips. His soft, full lips going over hers. The lips she used to love to kiss and suck. Attached to that face that was attached to that head, that was attached to that body…that body that was right now holding her while his mouth…

He slowly pulled away, leaving her flustered.

"Goodnight, Olivia. " he bid and caught the cab that had just pulled up in front of the hotel.

Olivia just stood there, shocked, with her hand on her lips. Did that really just happen?

…

Twelve-thirty. Night two that she lay awake in her bed, gently rubbing her tiny swell. She had to laugh at the improbability that this was even happening. So many years, and this is what karma deals her?

Why didn't she just tell him that she had a son and was married now, expecting a baby now... was finally happy after he'd almost destroyed her?

Maybe I'm dreaming… she supposed. Maybe none of this ever happened. In fact, maybe I'm still in New York City with my guys and this is all some wacky pregnancy dream…

"...if it were a dream, would you have been able to taste his breath when he kissed you?" She muttered, then rolled over to her left side and let out a long sigh before she closed her eyes. She decided to try to leave her worries for later and instead tried one last time to get some sleep. She had a conference promptly at nine, and with the way this baby had her up and on her knees before six, she'd be exhausted if she didn't try.

Off went the television.

At David's brownstone, he too lay awake, too unsettled by the evening's events to sleep. It kept playing in a loop in his head; he kissed her. Softly, beautifully, he kissed her. She didn't push him away or break the kiss; instead, they stood there, the gentle, almost autumn breeze blowing around them; it was like their first kiss all over again. He still remembers that night in New York. It was the start of something - a promise. One that when the time came, he'd broken. But tonight, after years of wishing he could go back, he'd kissed those beautiful lips again!

He touched his own mouth again, for who knows how many times this night, and he smiled again. The taste of her is still there. The feel of her hair, her skin is still on his fingertips, and those beautiful brown eyes that he used to get lost in. He let out what was probably his fifth sigh tonight.

…

Wednesday morning, same as every day, vomiting at five-thirty, but she was so tired that she fell asleep there on the floor in front of the toilet until her phone woke her at seven. Noah. He'd call her every morning to say good morning, and they'd talk, him switching topics every minute like kids do.

"...and our teacher, she looks like you, though not as pretty."

"That just made my day!" Olivia said, smiling in spite of feeling so poorly. She really fought to keep her stomach from lurching, but it was hard. Still, she continued chatting with Noah as if nothing were wrong.

"...all of the teachers at school smile at daddy,"

"Do they?" Olivia asked, amused but kind of annoyed.

"I think they like him." He said, then, switching… "Do you realize I've never in my whole life had a dad? And now, I have the best one ever!"

Olivia smiled. She loved seeing her son this happy. "He is pretty great,"

"Better than great!" He said animatedly as Olivia laughed. "He's the mom of dads."

If she could, those video calls would never end. Something about talking to her husband and son that gave her such comfort and put things clear into perspective. If ever she was convinced that she was exactly where she needed to be in life, it was now.

The remainder of her day seemed to drag on, and to be honest, Olivia was thankful. Since last night, she had started to have doubts about going to dinner with David. She had agreed to it before the kiss and now she just didn't know.

That damned kiss! She said to herself while thinking of how audacious the whole situation was. She wondered if maybe there was someone else whose heart David was probably willing to break while he was busy chasing her and the past?

During lunch, she opted for a nap instead. This first trimester of pregnancy was kicking her ass, but all she'd ended up doing was laying in bed thinking about the kiss and dinner tonight. She couldn't really be expected to go now. Before then, they were just going out as friends, but now…

It's fine, Olivia… it's not like you wanted the kiss. You didn't exactly invite it… "but you didn't turn it away." she said out loud, then let out a heavy, tiresome sigh while her hand made its way to her stomach where she began to twist her wedding ring.

…

That evening and three nervous suit changes later, David made a stop at the florist before arriving in front of the hotel. Upstairs, Olivia was in the bathroom mirror checking her hair.

Tell me again why you're going… She said to herself as she looked at her hair. It was nothing fancy, just a simple chignon that she decided this minute to take down, her gorgeous, long locs falling effortlessly around her face. She picked up her brush and ran it over her tresses before running through them with her fingers, tucking a section behind her ear. When she was satisfied with the way it looked, she turned to the bed where her suit was laid out and took off her robe to put it on, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door.

She sighed before putting her robe back on and tying it before she looked through the peephole and answered the door.

"David, you're early," She still had ten minutes to finish getting ready.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I was a little anxious, I have to admit," he smiled. "I can wait downstairs if-"

"No, it's fine. Please, come in."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She said as she ushered him inside and closed the door.

"Um, these are for you," and he handed her the bouquet of lilies that was in his hand. She smiled as she smelled the fragrant flowers. "You remembered…"

"How could I forget, they're you're favorite. God you look beautiful,"

"I'm not dressed yet," she smiled, suddenly feeling nauseous again.

"You could go out in that robe and still outshine every woman in this city as far as I'm concerned."

"Still the smooth talker I see." It was getting worse, her nausea, and she put her hand on her stomach, thankfully it was hidden by the bouquet. "Why don't you get comfortable out here, I'm gonna go and finish getting ready," she said, needing to throw up. He took his phone out that was ringing in his jacket pocket and looked at the screen. It was the office.

"Take your time, I'm gonna take this call," he said while she hurried off to the bedroom and shut the door. She ran for the bathroom as soon as she closed it.

Ten minutes later…

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she made her way from the bedroom, fully dressed in a very feminine white pants suit and black stiletto pumps.

"I feel like an idiot." He said woefully. "That was a call from my office, I swear, normally I wouldn't even consider going, but it's a huge case we've been working on for-"

Can you spell relief? "...and you have to go,"

"Liv, I'm so sorry. Can I make it up to you? Please say yes…" he begged, looking at her with the saddest eyes. They needed to talk before he took this any further but what could she do? If he had to go, there was no choice. What? Was she going to send him off to an emergency work call with this looming over him? But still, she knew that she shouldn't have agreed to this in the first place and she got out of it this time…

"…tomorrow?"

"I can't, tomorrow's my last night here and I have another dinner that I have to attend…"

"Then lunch? I'll have my secretary make reservations, in the morning, we'll-"

"Okay,"

"Okay?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes, but we aren't done talking, I need to tell you some things."

"And you will," he was so happy. "I've got to tell you some things myself..."

He wasted no time in trying to kiss her, but she dodged it, turning her face to him so that his mouth kissed her cheek instead.

"You should go,"

"Yeah…" he said, caressing her gorgeous face, seemingly in a daze. He loved her. There was no denying it now even if he tried. He left with an unmistakable smile on his face.

Olivia meanwhile cursed herself and the situation. This had gone too far; way too far. All she'd wanted was to give him a chance to explain himself and somehow it turned into something that she knew she could have avoided.

Dammit, Olivia! She should have listened to her instincts and never gone out with him. She should have told him up front that she was married, had a child; children. The new Olivia had no place in her life for him and yet she let him think…

She walked over to the mini bar and started to take out a bottle of vodka when she suddenly was reminded that she's pregnant and she slammed the door shut.

…

It was one-thirty-eight in the morning when David finally got home from the office. Early Thursday now. He dumped his jacket and briefcase down in the entryway before making his way to the living room for a drink. He was on cloud nine all night despite working on a case that should have had him feeling a lot less joyful, but he couldn't help it. She was back in his life and everything was suddenly just better. As he swallowed a sip of the whiskey and he thought about why he needed to wait to tell her how he felt. He knew that she; this was what he wanted. He'd never been more sure of anything before. He was at a place where he could give her one hundred percent; of course he and Olivia would have to work out the details of living in two cities, but that would work itself out.

"It can't wait," he said out loud and he put his glass down. This was simply too amazing to let it go on another day without telling her his heart. And with this thought in mind, he grabbed his keys and left the house.

Third night she'd spent here, third night she'd lain awake unable to sleep.

She had to shut this down, the sooner the better. She didn't want to hurt David, but this was hurting her and would hurt her relationship with Peter if she didn't tell him and soon. Tomorrow. No doubt about it. In fact, they wouldn't go to lunch. No, she'd tell him as soon as he came to pick her up, there was no sense in dragging this out another minute.

Suddenly, there was what sounded like a knock at the door to her suite, and it froze her there in bed. Maybe there hadn't been a knock; maybe she just imagined it. But as soon as this thought registered, there it was again. It was almost two in the morning. Why was there someone knocking at her door? Maybe it's the front desk. She reasoned in her head as she turned on the bedside lamp and reached for her robe before she willed herself out of bed and out of the bedroom. The light sensors illuminated the livingroom as she entered and she eased over to the door, looking out of the peephole.

"You have got to be kidding me!"She said upon seeing that it was David. It didn't stop her breath from coming labored while she tried to calm herself now that she saw that she wasn't in danger. She quickly tied her robe before she opened the door.

"It's two-in-the-morning!" She barked at David as she pulled him inside, looking up and down the hall before she shut the door. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Do you remember the first time I told you that I loved you?"

"What?"

He was nervous, and he couldn't decide where to put his hands so he dug them relentlessly into his pants pockets. "I do; it was a Saturday night and we were coming out of Lincoln Center…"

Olivia had tucked that memory away deep in her mind, but she never forgot it. And right now she stood there with a look of utter confusion on her face.

"We had just come from the ballet…"

"Why are you bringing this up?" She asked as he stepped closer to her; so close that she could smell the very faint scent of whiskey on his breath.

"Are you drunk?"

"What? ...no. I just got home and had a nightcap…a sip of one, but that's not important. What's important is I need you to know what's in my heart. Seeing you, standing in this hotel was no coincidence. It was fate giving us a second chance at what we missed all those years ago,"

"David…"

"I chose my career and I can never undo that, but I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go! I told myself that it was for the best but all these years there was no getting over you. There still isn't." He said as he gently let his hands rest on either side of her neck as his eyes looked deeply into hers. He leaned in to kiss her again, only she gently put her hand to his mouth right away to stop it. Again.

"We can't…" she said, breaking away from his grasp.

"Who says we can't?"

"I do… David, a lot's changed in nine years."

"My feelings haven't; and hopefully yours haven't either."

She struggled with her words, not wanting to hurt him any more than she had to. "For a long time after you left, I wished that we could've realized that we were something more than our ambition. I know that we loved each other, but I couldn't help thinking how selfish we both were back then,"

"It wasn't your fault…"

"Wasn't it? You know what finally led me to getting over it; over you? I had to realize that every time I blamed you for leaving, I had to look at myself; if it had come down to it, would I have been able to choose you over the job?"

"But we know this now, we know what our mistakes were, and we both know the pain of letting a good thing go," He took her in his arms again, wrapping them around her waist and staring into her eyes. "We don't have to answer to anyone about us now, and if we did have to answer, Liv, I'm willing to let it all go to be with you."

She searched his eyes, his face as she moved his hair out of his eyes gently with her fingers. "You were, at the time, the great love of my life, David Haden," At this he smiled, caressing her face. "...but time has moved on, years have passed and I've been given a life that I never thought I'd have after you. I have a son now…"

"Is that what you're worried about? Liv, I had two young kids when we were together,"

But she shook her head 'no', tears starting to fill her eyes. She didn't anticipate this being so hard, and with her voice full of the emotion she hoped wouldn't overflow…

"I'm not raising him alone..." Suddenly the smile faded from his lips, and the spark that had just seconds ago been in his eyes, had died. "His name is Peter." She said as he was hit by the proverbial bolt of lightning.

Shocked, he looked at her beautiful face as he stepped back from her, then at the hand that was resting across her stomach and it was there clear as day. Her rings, wedding and engagement that she never took off. Feeling like he was the biggest fool, he said barely above a whisper…

"Wow!" choking back tears as he took her hand and stared at her rings. "...these have been here all along." It suddenly made sense, why she'd blocked his last two kiss attempts, why she'd kept stressing that they had to talk. She's married, and he's spent the last few days trying… he looked down at her rings again before he ran a hand down his face.

"It was in my face the whole time… It's what you were trying to tell me."

Olivia nodded, she was so choked up that she was temporarily unable to speak.

"...is he good to you?"

She smiled through her tears thinking what were the odds that this conversation was even taking place. She found her voice. "He is the most incredible, loving man. And I'm so lucky that I get to call him my husband."

He nodded, tears falling and he slowly backed further away. "I missed the love of my life…twice in one lifetime." He laughed ironically.

"David, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You found what I was too afraid to give you,"

"David…" She cried as she reached for him. She could see how hurt he was, and she wanted to try to allay some of it.

"It's okay." He said, kissing her sweetly on her forehead. He lingered there for a moment, his lips pressed against her skin and more tears inadvertently dropped from his eyes and onto her face. She felt so guilty that she had to be the one to cause this pain all these years later, and questioned why she had ever seen him again to begin with.

The rest of her trip was uneventful, for both her and David. He got up and went to work Thursday morning, like usual. After a night in tears, he simply locked it away deep inside and carried on, though with a new air of coldness about him.

As for Olivia, it was pretty much a cookie-cutter day. She got her morning call from her husband and son, Noah telling her all about his adventures this week.

"It thundered last night, it was so loud I woke up really scared and ran to dad. He let me sleep in you guy's bed and I felt better. Anyway, I've got to get ready for school, talk to you later, love you!" He said before running off. Peter came into view, drinking a cup of coffee and sat down.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked as he sat down.

"Uh..I ran into an old friend and we didn't exactly catch up well."

"Honey, I'm sorry, you wanna talk about it?"

"Would I be a bad wife if I said not really?" She asked, then changed the subject. "Noah tells me there was a thunderstorm last night, how'd you sleep?" She grinned, sipping a mug of tea.

"...like shit," he laughed.

"I'm just glad someone else gets a taste of what I've been through all these years."

"He must have slept the entire time with his knee and elbow in my ribs."

"Oh no!" She said, laughing.

"Anyway, how are you doing with the morning sickness, is the baby okay?"

"The baby's fine, though I don't know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all day…"

Some time later, she had just ended the video call and was about to get up when she paused a moment and she dialed David's number. The phone rang four four times in her ear before his voicemail came on.

"This is David Haden, please leave a message and I'll get back to you…"

"David, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay after last night. I never meant to let things get so far…"

David was on the elevator at the office when he put his phone back in his pocket. He wasn't interested in hearing from her right now. Of course he was happy that she had found someone to love and who loved her but it still didn't change the fact that he was hurting. He thought he'd been given the chance to be with her again, and instead…

"Suck it up, Haden. You had your chance and you let her go,"

He never called Olivia back, deciding to just let it be, and the next day, Olivia flew home to New York. She decided to forget about DC, and was so happy to be headed home to her guys. It kind of went wrong, in that David got hurt, but she was glad that she had this experience as she never once had feelings that she wanted to cross the line with David.

"New life, Olivia." She smiled as she raised the window shade and looked out of the airplane that was flying high above the clouds, then closed her eyes and napped the test of the way home.

…

More David? TBC...