Chapter 23

"Olibia, why is yaw tummy so big?" Indigo faintly asked. Before she had a chance to answer however, Olivia was surprised to hear Noah proudly announce to an astounded Indigo.

"Mommy has a baby in there,"

"No way!" He exclaimed.

"Yep, I'm gonna be a big brother- I guess, again?" he asked the question out loud as he thought about it.

"Do you wanna be?" Peter asked, "...a brother to Indigo?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool," Noah said as he looked at Indigo.

"Yaw cool too!" Indigo uttered as he sat comfortably in Olivia's lap. "I wanna be a big brothaw like Noah…"

The pride Peter felt at watching this kid, this little kid- barely eight years old just being so accepting and so understanding of a situation that he himself had the whole night to…absorb, he guessed was the right word. He'd had since last night to let all of this soak in and he was still wobbly from the shock of it all. Meanwhile, his son wakes up to a stranger in his room and he's just happy to meet him! No thought on how this kid would change his life (for good or bad, the jury was still out on that as far as Peter was concerned), Noah just dove right into being a big brother. He even asked if he could call Kellan and tell him the news when they first explained it all to Noah, the first thing he said after asking if he'd be staying for good was to beg his parents to let Indigo share his room. Then he couldn't help but ask questions. Where was Indigo's mother? His mom was always right here, why wasn't Indigo's mommy in his life? Didn't she care? And was Peter sad when he found out that she died? It was tough to define to a newly eight year old boy the truth about everything, but Peter and Olivia did it in a way that answered his questions without delving into things that they thought he was too young to know. Like how Indigo's mom abused him. But Noah loved having a little brother right from the beginning, and in a week's time, he and Indigo formed a bond that was seemingly unbreakable. Noah felt responsible for Indigo, and promised him that he'd always look out for him. They were all dedicated to making Indigo's transition as smooth as possible.

Day one, they took Indigo shopping. What he had wasn't much and it was certainly not fit for this time of year. Indigo needed clothes, but he desperately needed things for a winter in New York City. Suddenly a day turned into a whole week that they had Indigo so far. There had been bumps, like when Indigo had a crying fit when he bumped the carafe on the table and spilled juice at breakfast. He begged tearfully not to be beaten while apologizing over and over. They'd had a hard time calming him down from that one, but eventually, they got it through to him that accidents are just that: accidents, they can't be controlled and no one ever deserves to be hit or punished because of one. Peter and Olivia had gotten him into counseling right away to help him deal with everything that was going on around him and to deal with his trauma. It was a good thing that Olivia had worked with so many child psychologists and had formed relationships with them over her years in SVU because she knew who to call immediately and didn't have to wait to get Indigo the help he so desperately needed.

He hasn't asked about his mother at all," Olivia said to Peter while they were preparing for bed and they both threw the decorative pillows to the foot of the bed.

"Can you blame him? The hell she put him through…"

"You know, the coroner's office called about Jana's body today. You have to decide what you're gonna do about his mother's burial." He sat on the bed and she joined him, sitting up on her knees and massaging his bare shoulders.

"Honestly, Liv, it's not my problem. They can throw her ass in the city dump for all I care."

"You don't mean that,"

"The hell I don't! That woman made Indigo's life hell and I don't care about what happens to her. She's a fucking waste of skin."

Olivia stopped rubbing his shoulders. "Peter, that's not you talking,"

"It is me. I know that it disappoints you to hear it, and I'm so sorry for that. The last thing I'd ever want to do is have you look at me any other way except as the man you love…"

"Hey," she said as she draped her arms around his neck from behind and leaned in, snuggling against his cheek. "I will always look at you as the man I love. You are stuck with me and I'm not going anywhere. But I think that maybe…just maybe Jana deserves a tiny amount of grace,"

"No, she doesn't,"

"We don't know the demons she was running from in life that made her turn to drugs. I'm not excusing any of it…it's horrible what she did to Indigo but- and this is the last time I'll ever speak of her, look at her situation. Her own parents and sisters not only refused her remains, but they've also refused Indigo too. Something there had to be the driving force for Jana to not care about her own life or anyone's. Even if he never asks about it, I think you owe it to Indigo, we owe it to him to at least give his mom a proper burial."

So that's what they did. Peter had Jana cremated and interred in a humble grave, with a humble marker that simply read her name and birth date along with her death date. There was no funeral and no one attended the burial.

Meanwhile, Indigo had come to be stuck to Olivia. He grew to see how amazing she was and now wouldn't go anywhere that she wasn't. His therapist thought it was just his response to having been denied a real mother figure for so long and then lost her so quickly before he was able to build that bond, but Olivia and Peter didn't care; Indigo, for the first time in probably his life, felt safe and loved, and that was all that mattered to them.

They celebrated their first Thanksgiving as a family the following week and Indigo was simply mesmerized. He didn't think he'd ever been around so many people before. Usually, Jana kept him inside and he only ever saw her druggie cohorts.

The next day at work, Malcolm, who was in town and Kevin had shown up to take Peter out to lunch. They were at a bar, seated at a table talking over food and beer.

"...didn't I tell you Jana was sheisty?" Kevin said as he took a sip of his beer.

"Yes Kevin, you told me…"

"And did you listen?"

"I did not."

"Jesus, sometimes life…" Malcolm said.

"...is a total prick?" Peter analyzed.

"That too… but I was going to say, it throws some serious curve balls… How's Indigo doing? He seems like he's adjusting."

"He is…it's just so hard. On one hand, he's such a great little boy, then on the other… he's got so many problems. Jana abused him so badly, he's afraid of his own shadow. We can't just do things for him like kiss him or bathe him or even hold him; we have to ask if it's alright first, and promise that we won't hurt him.

"You gotta remember man, it's not his fault," Malcolm sympathized.

"It's more than that. I look at Liv and Noah, and they're so accepting of all this, but I look at Indigo, at this whole situation and I'm lost. How is it that I can love and adore a kid who's not mine biologically, but I feel so disconnected from my flesh and blood? It's like everything in me tells me that I should cut my losses and run."

"Run where?!" Kevin said.

"Not today, Kevin…" Malcolm scolded.

"I'm just askin, where you gon run? You're not a fuckin deadbeat, so that's out. I think you're just scared. You're looking at this little boy who you didn't ask for, and you love him, but it's all still so new."

Peter had to give it to Kevin, he was insightful behind the funny persona.

"You need time, that's all." Kevin said. "Indigo isn't the only one who's had his world flipped. And, Peter, you also gotta admit… you were a straight whore back then!"

"You finished?" Malcolm said.

"I mean, I'm a whore, but you even put me to shame for those two years. I mean, it's a wonder you didn't get AIDS, or…your dick didn't fall off; you was on some real gutter-butt shit!"

"Kevin, I got it!" Peter said, him, Kevin and Malcolm suddenly growing quiet until Peter broke the silence with self-deprecating laughter. "...I was pretty bad then, wasn't I?"

"Be thankful that you got away with just Indigo, cuz patient or not, Olivia would have surely left yo ass if you turned out to have multiple kids by multiple mamas! Jana…skank…dead skank…did some damage to him, but now you got your little boy and he gets to grow up with a wonderful mother, and an awesome older brother."

"Sometimes I can't believe they're real and they're in my life. I don't know if I could've been so beautifully understanding, but they've taken to him so completely."

"It's called love…or so I hear,"

"Oh, so you do know about love?" Malcolm asked Kevin sarcastically.

"Plenty. I know not to fall in that bitch!"

December came, along with Indigo's fourth birthday and Peter and Olivia tried to make it special with a party; it was Indigo's first one ever. He felt so special and so loved with everybody there to celebrate him. He'd become part of a big messy, wonderful family and he was fast learning what it meant to be a part of one. A few weeks later, Christmas arrived. They spent the holidays out at the house in Long Island, since they'd gotten enough done that it was actually liveable now, and with all the lights and decorations that Peter put up, it was truly magical for the boys.

There was snow leading up to Christmas and Noah and Indigo, along with Peter and Olivia, built a snow family. Peter took them sledding and played touch football in the snow when they weren't spending every other moment inside the treehouse. Then on Christmas eve, they went to the local Christmas fair to do some last minute shopping and Indigo got to see Santa. Noah was now on the fence of did he or didn't he still believe anymore, but he still went. Indigo had gotten so hyped up about it, that he couldn't wait until the day came when he could see this magical man and ask him specifically for one Christmas wish.

When it his turn to go up, Indigo insisted that Noah come with him. We do it togethaw… he insisted. For as much as he wanted Santa to make his wish come true, he still didn't know this man. He'd just gotten comfortable with letting his family touch him; there was no way he was going up there alone and he took Eddie along with Noah. He was hesitant to sit on Santa's lap, but Noah did it to show him it was safe, and so Indigo climbed up as well.

"Ho ho ho…what can I get you boys for Chrismas this year?"

"I'm Noah, and this is my little brother, Indigo. I don't really want anything," Noah said, "I'm just here so my brother won't be scared."

"Well, you're a very good big brother. I'll be sure to put you on my nice list!" Santa said to Noah, winking as he laughed merrily before turning to Indigo. "Tell me Indigo, what would you like Santa to do for you?"

Holding Eddie tightly, Indigo looked up at the jolly fat man and leaned into his ear to try to whisper something. Santa had to fight his eyes from glossing over when Indigo did. He had a smile when Indigo finished as he looked at the boy, then at Peter and Olivia who were waiting on the side for their boys.

"I'll see what I can do!" Santa said. He was so touched just knowing that this child was now in a safe environment. He only prayed that wherever that child's mother was, she'd stay away from him forever and never return.

"Pwomise?"

"I promise, son." Indigo was so happy that he'd gotten to tell Santa his wish and that Santa had agreed to grant it. He hugged the man so tightly, whispering Thank you, Santa! before he let go and he and Noah gave the biggest smiles for the picture that was taken.

"Did you guys tell Santa what you wanted?" Peter asked as the boys came down from Santa's workshop.

"Uh huh. But Indigo whispered his to Santa…" Noah said.

"An it is going to come twu!" Indigo smiled. He was so sure about his wish. "Olibia, can we have cha-choclate?" He asked giddily as he grabbed her hand. Just thinking of the delicious drink made him almost as happy as being near Olivia.

"That sounds yummy!" Olivia mused.

"Can I have cinnamon?" Noah asked.

"Sure can, why dont I go ahead with the boys while you grab their picture." Peter said as he kissed Olivia.

"I stay with Olibia" Indigo said happily as he hugged her leg.

"Okay, see you guys in a minute." Peter said just as the elf brought the picture out to them. There was a transcript of what the boys had asked for to make shopping easier for the parents. Peter and Olivia looked at the picture, fawning over how cute it was and while Peter showed it to the boys, Olivia took the small transcript and read it silently. It wasn't her hormones that made her cry this time, as she looked down at Peter and the boys who were laughing, and smiling, she quickly wiped her eyes.

"So, who wants marshmallows in their hot chocolate?" Olivia asked. The boys (and Peter) erupted with a chorus of 'I do!' as they walked to the chocolate stand hand in hand.

"You okay?" Peter whispered to Olivia. He had seen her tears a moment ago.

"I'm so good, and I love you guys so much!"

"Me too?" Indigo asked.

"I love you deeply, my little man." Olivia said as she tickled him and he laughed.

…

It wasn't until they'd arrived back at the house and they'd finally gotten the boys to sleep that she brought it up as she and Peter were putting the final gifts under the massive tree.

"I thought that it was hard trying to explain to one child that it was way to cold to sleep in a tree-house and then there were two…" Peter said out loud but laughed to himself as he continued with what he was doing. "If we've forgotten anything, it's waiting until next Christmas!"

Peter noticed that Olivia was preoccupied with filling Noah and Indigo's stockings with candy and small gifts, but he also noticed that her mind was seemingly a million miles away and she went about the tasks almost robotically until she finished.

"Remember when you asked at the fair if I was alright?"

"Yeah," She gave him the slip of paper. "What's this?"

"It's the transcript from Santa,"

"Lemme guess, they asked for something really off the charts, didn't they?" Olivia shook her head no as her tears started again and she asked that he just read it. Peter got right into it, again being so proud of Noah when he read his part of the transcript. But then he got to Indigo's part.

"Tell me Indigo, what would you like for Santa to do for you?"

"My mommy, hawted me an now haw is gone… can you make haw nebber come back so I can stay wif my daddy an Olibia an my big bwothaw Noe faw-ebber an can Olibia be my new mommy?

Peter's eyes got misty. "This is the first time he's even mentioned his mother in almost seven weeks…and all he wants for Christmas is for Santa to never let her come back? He should be asking for toys, not be worried that his monster of a mother will come and tear away his happiness." He said as his tears trickled down his face. Olivia held him as he let out a shaky breath.

"He'll understand in time," she said as she pulled back and cupped his face. "and until he does, we've got him."

"That's mainly because of you," he took her hands from his face and held them in his own.

"Stop,"

"I mean it. I wouldn't have even known where to start with that kid if i didn't have you in my corner. You saw, he loves you. He's freshly four years old, and even he knows how incredible a person you are. "

"You're gonna make me cry," She sniffed, trying to keep the waterworks at bay, but failing miserably.

"Well, how about you cry after you open this?" He said as he revealed a small gift in shoddily wrapped paper with a ribbon tied on it.

"My love, Christmas isn't until tomorrow,"

"I know, but I wanted to give you this before the onslaught were gonna get when the boys wake up in the morning,"

Olivia looked at him, then back at the gift. "Did they wrap this?" She quipped as she took it from his hand.

"Ha ha," he laughed as she took off the paper and saw the jewelry box inside.

"Jewelry?" She asked excitedly. Peter simply shrugged his shoulders before she opened the box to reveal a candlestick-link diamond tennis bracelet. She gasped upon seeing it, it was so beautiful. "Peter… "

"I thought I'd get you something that wasn't centered on the bambino…" he said as he rubbed her belly. "I hope you like-" she surprised him with a hug, and as he put his arms around her, he noticed that she was crying. Hey…"

She pulled away, wiping her eyes." Just then, Indigo came downstairs holding Eddie and quietly crept over to Peter and Olivia, tugging at the hem of Olivia's shirt.

"Hi, sweetie. What's wrong?"

"Pwomise, wight?" It was Indigo's way of assuring that they would keep their word and not hurt him.

"Promise, always." Olivia swore as Peter smiled.

Trusting her words, Indigo took a deep breath before he said quietly, "I wet the bed."

"Well, we can't have that, now can we?" Olivia smiled. Indigo happily shook his head, no. "How about we give you a quick bath while daddy changes your sheets?" Olivia said as she took his hand, receiving an 'okay' and a smile.

Jana would have beat him terribly for wetting himself, then made him sleep in his mess until she felt like changing the sheets, which would usually be when she got sick of the smell. But Olivia was all-too-happy to help him get clean. He loved her so much and only wished he knew how to express that to her and his daddy.

"Lead the way…" she smiled.

Indigo held her hand and turned to make sure Peter was following. "Come daddy."

Peter stopped and looked at Olivia who was equally as shocked. This was the first time Indigo had ever called him that; it had been 'Peter' for the last seven weeks. And while they'd wanted Indigo to do only what he was comfortable doing, every day Peter hoped for this. Indigo couldn't begin to understand the joy he brought to Peter's heart. "Daddy?" He repeated, choked up beyond words. He dropped down and hugged Indigo, wet pajamas be damned.

…

The next morning, Noah and Indigo wasted no time in getting up at the crack of dawn and barging into their parents' room to wake them up. Olivia and Peter sleepily pulled themselves out of bed and got their robes on before the children shuttled them downstairs to begin their savage attack on the presents. Noah was so happy to see so much of what he'd wanted, and couldn't thank his parents enough when he saw it all. This year had totally been a whirlwind for him, with his parents' engagement and marriage, the new house and baby; his adoption and now, adding Indigo to their family, Noah definitely felt like the luckiest kid in the world! Indigo on the other hand, as much as he loved his gifts, just like with his birthday, he was happy and content with Eddie, and held him lovingly as he sat on Olivia's arms.

"There's one left," Noah said, he sat close to Peter as he grabbed a slim box wrapped beautifully in white with a white silk hand-tied bow. He put the box to his ear and shook it.

"That's for your dad," Olivia said.

"Me?" Peter said, surprised. "Babe, I don't need anything else, you've given me everything,"

"Open it daddy,"

"Yeah, daddy, open it," Indigo said as he got up and took the gift from Noah's hands to give it to Peter.

"It doesn't make much of a sound. Hmm, is it a Lamborghini?" He joked as he put the box to his ear and shook it as Noah laughed.

"Open it," Olivia smiled as Peter began to untie the ribbon from the box. He cleared the ribbon, tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. He moved the gift wrapping paper and stopped when he saw what was inside. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes as he held up the beautiful, tiny white cotton dress that looked even smaller in his hands.

"Are you serious?" Peter asked Olivia.

"Merry Christmas, my love." She said as Peter hugged and kissed her passionately, then kissed her belly.

It took Noah a couple of seconds, but when he got it…

"Wait… it's a girl?"

They were having a huge breakfast that morning, and the boys, gobbling everything that was put in front of them. Noah was having a ball, just last Christmas it was just him and Olivia, and now he had a whole family at breakfast. Even Eddie, although now, he was seated beside his little brother.

"I wonder if our sister will like berries as much as I do." Noah said to Indigo as he piled more of the macerated blueberries onto his half-eaten waffle.

"I'm sure she will once she's big enough to eat them." Peter said.

"I lub bluebewwies!" Indigo said faintly as he put more in his mouth.

"Me too," Noah agreed, "they're the best!" He said as he dipped a strawberry into the whipped cream and bit it as Indigo watched.

"Noe, what's the wed things?"

"These are strawberries, they're really good too,"

"Stwaw-bewwies? Can I hab some?"

"Look at how they get along," Peter said as he came to Olivia who was leaning on the counter trying to take the weight off of her back. They watched the boys as Noah fed Indigo a strawberry and Indigo gobbled it down, asking for more. Peter smiled. Olivia looked on as if dreaming, smiling as Peter slipped his arms around her waist from behind before he began massaging her back, applying lite pressure.

"Father's day is going to be amazing next year!" He grinned as she melted into his hands, moaning. She didn't even have to tell him where she needed him, he just knew as he worked to soothe her discomfort.

"I was thinking something closer…"

"We'll see…"she laughed. "Is this really our life?" She smiled as Noah gave Indigo more strawberries and they ate them together from Indigo's plate, laughing. "They look like they've been together all their lives."

"I just hope it lasts." He said and kissed her cheek as he continued massaging her back. "You're so tense…"

"It's nothing, baby. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Stop worrying."

"Mom, we're finished," Noah called from the table, Olivia and Peter looked across the room. Both boys had their faces heavily stained with berries and whipped cream from the waffles.

"They even eat the same…" Peter said so only Olivia could hear, making her giggle as he sipped his coffee.

"Wow, you both cleaned your plates. Could you bring your dishes to the sink, please?" She asked.

"I got it," Noah said as he got up gathering dishes.

"I gawt it too!" Indigo chimed in, reaching for the plates.

"We got this, why don't you go and get some rest while we clean up?" Peter said.

"You sure?"

"It'll be me and Indie's Christmas gift to you and our sister." Noah said smiling, as he placed the dishes in the sink and then reached for what Indigo was carrying.

"You are going to be such a phenomenal big brother, my sweet boy!" Olivia told him as she hugged him then kissed his lips.

"I love you mommy," Noah said as he hugged her belly.

"I a big bwother too…" Indigo said, puckering his lips for a kiss.

"You certainly are, little guy." And she gave Indigo a kiss to which he smiled ear to ear. "I'll be upstairs." She said, taking her tea with her as she grabbed a waffle and bacon from the table before going up the kitchen stairs.

A bit later she was in her bathrobe having just come from the shower, still thinking about the fact that she was having a little girl. She'd only found out yesterday but she hadn't stopped thinking about it since she'd called the doctor early in the morning to find out.

"Are you sure you want to know? Can't take it back once it's out,"

"I'm sure. I thought it would be nice to surprise Peter for Christmas, you know hes wanted to know forever." Besides, she was so sure that she was having a boy, she wanted to confirm it to him more than anything.

"Well, it'll definitely be a surprise for him; he was right all along. Congratulations, Olivia, it's a girl!"

Her heart broke the second that Dr. Carlisle said those words. "...it's a girl!" She didn't show it then, but the moment she ended the call, she burst into tears. But still, she kept her word and told Peter, buying the baby's dress while they were out shopping and he was busy with the boys. He was ecstatic of course, but as she lay in bed caressing her belly, she still wept. She didn't want a girl and it wasnt because she wouldn't love her daughter, its just that too much had happened against the last two generations so far and she was absolutely terrified of it carrying on to a third.

…

Tbc…