Chapter three: The sad girl by the well

Inuyasha didn't know why the well refused to let him pass. He had been shocked when he tried to pay a visit to Kagome only to discover the well would not let him go through.

Kaede suggested that he had been able to cross before because of his youkai blood, or perhaps it had something to do with a side effect of his bead collar and now that it was gone, his travels to the future had ended, but those theories didn't explain how he could cross that last time, when he accompanied Kagome.

Maybe the effects hadn't worn off at the moment, the old woman had supposed.

However, Kaede had also suggested another possibility and, according to Inuyasha, a rather stupid one; that maybe it was Kagome who allowed him to come and go freely, that somehow, thanks to a combination of her miko gifts and her willpower, she made it possible for him to travel to her era. But for Inuyasha, it made no sense, because if it was true then it would mean that Kagome had withdrawn that supposed willpower, and also, that would mean that she didn't want him to be near her anymore.

Plain stupid, he repeated himself once and again, even though he felt less confident every time he did so.

The matter still was that he couldn't go through the well and it had been driving him nuts for the past seven months. However, had he been able, and had he done so that very night, he would have found in the other side, 500 years from then, a very sad girl sitting by the same well in a position similar to the one he was when Sango found him.

Kagome sighed deeply, her eyes not moving from the dark bottom.

She shouldn't be there, it only managed to hurt her deeper but she couldn't help it; she felt drawn to it inevitably and inevitably she didn't find the strength to take the final step and let herself fall through it. What was the point anyway?

"Kagome, it's getting late. Why don't you come inside the house?" Her mind was carried away from pointless things as a hand was placed on her shoulders. She turned to see her mother staring at her with concern; she hated worrying her so much and tried to smile at her.

"Ok, mom, in a second."

"Kagome, sweetie," the woman sat by her side on the wooden floor. "Why do you keep torturing your self this way? You must make up your mind."

"I… I don't know what—"

"My dear, it is obvious you want to go back, otherwise you wouldn't linger in here all the time. You know, Souta has started to refer to you as the well's wraith."

"Oh, that's nice of him, but I can't go back mom… I know what I'll find there and… and I know I wouldn't stand it."

For a long time, she had to live with Kikyo's shadow weighing over her and at times it resulted in feelings almost impossible to endure, but this time it would be no shadow she would face. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

Still, knowing the reasons didn't make the pain lessen. She just wished she could at least see Shippo and explain to him why she couldn't stay with him, but he wouldn't be able to understand.

"And that's exactly why you should go and confront it, or you'll never get rid of these feelings. If you are so resigned, then you can find them, ask them for their reasons, and perhaps you'll find your closure," her mother insisted.

What kind of closure could she get if she saw it with her own eyes? Only laughing at the irony of all of it, maybe.

She didn't need that.

"I really don't want to talk about this mom." Kagome turned away from her mother and fixed her eyes back into the well, even if she didn't mean to. Mrs. Higurashi attempted to say something else, but she knew her daughter well enough to know when she had made up her mind, so instead, she stood up and produced something folded from her apron.

"I have something that might cheer you up."

Kagome's eyes lit up at the sight of the item, half in excitement, half in nervousness. She stood up as well.

"T-those are the national test results! I forgot they came out today!"

"Yes you did, silly, now look into the list. Come on!" Mrs. Higurashi watched amused as her daughter stared open mouthed to the newspaper and all the sudden, the girl remembered she had to take it in order to read its contents. Kagome passed her finger avidly through the long list until it stopped at the H and a huge smile spread over her face.

"I can't believe it! I did it! Here's my name! I'm approved, mom!"

"Oh, dear! I'm so proud of you! I always knew you could do it! Congratulations!" And mother and daughter found themselves hugging each other and jumping with excitement.

"Well, so, what about if we go and have dinner outside? This is an event worth celebrating," her mother offered after they separated.

"Ok, I'd like that." Kagome found herself smiling heartily.

"Good, we should have torafugu then, such an occasion deserves the delicacy. Don't you think?" The girl nodded.

Mrs. Higurashi clapped her hands, pleased. "Well, I'll go and get ready then, hurry up, all right? You know how grouchy grandpa can get if he doesn't have his meals at his hours."

"Yes, I'll be there in a minute." After Kagome's answer, her mother left the well's shrine.

Kagome couldn't tear her eyes from her name printed on the paper. She felt so proud of herself! If only she could share her happiness with Inuyasha and the others… but that was no longer possible.

Don't think I'll be around just waiting for you to return!

His last words still resounded in her head and she knew they would always would. She still couldn't believe he had meant them.

Her happiness diminished at once. Kagome thought that maybe, she and Inuyasha would have a chance after Kikyo had gone, but apparently the undead miko's dismissal didn't guarantee her his affection, even if she thought it would be that way.

But her?

She couldn't believe it, her heart screamed at her that it was impossible, a lie, but she had seen the proof, she had been face to face with the living evidence of that. She was part of that proof!

And to think I trusted her with him before I left.

Anyway, had it been false, Inuyasha would have come, but he didn't show up, not even once in seven months. He, who was always ready to drag her to his era if she was late only a few minutes.

However, all those times he came for her, he was in a hurry to collect the shards, but there were no more shards left to collect. Maybe, for him, she had been nothing but a shard detector after all.

Still, he had given up what he was to save her and he wouldn't have done it if he didn't feel something toward her. Right?

Kagome felt a pang in her chest and for a moment, she was unable to breathe.

That was it. Inuyasha hated her.

It was because of her that he became human; that was the reason he hadn't visited her a single time, and that was why he chose her instead and didn't wait for her return.

Inuyasha hated her. How could he not? She was the cause of him losing his demon heritage, she and her damned weakness.

She, who was helpless if not with a bow and an arrow.

She and her lack of ability with a katana… or a boomerang.

She.

He sacrificed himself for her and now Kagome understood why he couldn't forgive her. How could he? She didn't think she would be able to forgive herself either.

She looked at the paper in her hands. Had she not left…

But there was not use about imagining what would have happened had she done things differently. The most probable was that she would have jeopardized her very own existence, if she thought about it coldly.

Enough. It was enough.

She couldn't keep torturing herself this way! It was killing her! It was making her life a living hell and she just couldn't take it. No more.

Kagome raised her chin, closed her eyes and breathed deeply, it had to stop. Now she would have dinner with her family and fake a smile for them, and that night she would go to her room and cry her eyes out, as she had been doing for the last months, but that would be it.

Tomorrow Kagome Higurashi would raise a new person, a person who wouldn't lament over truncated love, failed friendship or cruel destiny anymore.

Torafugu: Tiger blowfish. It is one of the most expensive (and dangerous) dishes in Japan. If not prepared properly, it can cause poisoning and death.

A/N: I want to thanks all those wonderful readers who left a review. You're great ;)