Chapter four: Two ways of mourning

Sengoku jidai. 1600 a.C.

"Look at what I caught, Sango!"

The taijiya looked up from her sewing to see Shippo carrying a basket which he placed on the ground. Kirara uncurled and, after stretching lazily, went to the basket and subtracted a fish, which she started eating happily.

"Great, Shippo-chan, you've become very good at that. How many did you catch?"

"Oh, two for you, two for me, and also for Kirara and Inuyasha. I even caught some for Kaede-baachan; I can't wait to eat them!" Shippo made slow circles over his tummy.

"That's good. By the way, where's Inuyasha?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Shippo lowered his head as a shadow passed over his eyes. The young kitsune was having a hard time as well. Kagome's absence really affected him and some times he still cried at night for her. Sango had tried her best to comfort him, but nothing could replace the warm, kind love the miko showed to the youngling.

"No, I guess not." She directed her eyes toward the woods and felt her heart sink.

It was so easy to give in to depression, even inviting. For the past year, she got used to living with that constant, lingering wish for death, even if she knew she shouldn't have it… but, what was left for her? She had been unable to save Kohaku, Kagome had gone away and she had started to fear it was for good. And her Houshi-Sama had died.

But as she had told Inuyasha once, she knew Miroku wouldn't appreciate her to waste his sacrifice. If only for his memory, she would force herself to live. Besides she had Kirara, Shippo and well… even Inuyasha.

Sango shook off those thoughts and smiled at the child in front of her. "Hey, look Shippo-chan, it's ready!" She showed her craft proudly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, come on, try it on."

She handed him the hakama she had been working on. Shippo had grown up so much during the past year that his clothes wouldn't fit him anymore.

"Alright, wait here!" He grabbed it and ran excitedly into his and Inuyasha's hut. Kaede-baachan and the villagers had decided to give Sango and Inuyasha a small amount of land so they could build two small homes; it was this way because they had become some sort of legends among the village and the surrounding regions. It still amazed Sango to hear how they talked about the brave taijiya who had avenged her people, battling the evil Naraku with her giant youkai bone, or the valiant Hanyou who became human in order to get rid of the Shikon no Tama. She wondered how they possessed all that information, but she suspected Shippo's drawings had had something to do with all of it.

However, what touched her deeper was when the villagers talked about the handsome Houshi who gave up his life for his beloved one and friends, or the mysterious miko who had the power to purify the Tama, and who had returned to the strange lands she had come from.

"Oh, amazing!"

Shippo came out of the hut wearing his new hakama. Sango wished Kagome could see him, surely she would feel very proud of him.

"You like it?"

"Yeah, it fits perfectly! I had my doubts but it's great!"

"What do you mean you had your doubts?" she said, her fists at her hips. Shippo tried an apologetic smile. "Well, you know Sango, you're a great fighter but house chores aren't really your strong point, are they?"

She lift him up by the tail playfully and threatened, "You ungrateful kitsune, now it'll be better for you to start cleaning those fish for dinner if you don't want to see what I'm really good at."

"Ouch! Alright, alright! Inuyasha won't grab me by the tail anymore but now you'll start doing it?"

"The fish, Shippo, and I'll make you a nice hadagi."

The moon was high in the sky by the time Inuyasha returned and the village seemed deserted, except for the young woman who was sitting outside her house, working on a huge boomerang.

"Good evening," she said as he approached her and sat at the steps in front of the hut he didn't dare to call home.

Inuyasha made a vague sound in reply.

"I saved you some food, it's inside your hut. I hope Shippo didn't eat it though."

"Whatever."

"Inuyasha… you should eat something, you're getting skinny and that won't do you any good," she said in a patient tone, but he shrugged his shoulders.

"I've never eaten that much, anyway."

"Yes, but you're no longer a Hanyou and humans have to eat and rest more often, or we get sick." She knew that he used to eat because of the pleasure of it, not because he needed to, his hanyou powers providing him with most of the vital energy.

"Thanks for the reminder, want to point out another of my weaknesses for me?" he said bitterly.

Sango knew better than to feel hurt by his comments. He practically lived in that perpetual mood and it only seemed to get worse as time went by.

"By the way, did you hear the news? There's a new Shogun called Tokugawa Ieyatsu, after Toyotomi Hideoshi died. People says he's made the daimyo of all regions surrender and that the war might be coming to an end soon, isn't that great?" she commented, trying to make some conversation, but she could have been speaking about her nails and it would have had the same results.

"So what?" he snapped.

"So nothing, I just thought you'd want to know. Your brother is some kind of daimyo, isn't he?"

"He is my half brother and he's a youkai. He doesn't go by the human's rules so stop talking nonsense."

Sango looked at him for a second and then returned to her task.

"Why are you polishing Hiraikotsu?" he asked after some minutes in silence.

"I leave tomorrow."

It took some moments for the answer to sink into his head. Was she leaving him as well? Maybe she had gotten tired of his bad temper, maybe he shouldn't be so rude anymore. Why should he care anyway?

"Where?" he asked warily.

His joined brows made Sango realize her statement had sounded too dramatic. She left her weapon alone and looked up, sighing. "It's been already a year since Kohaku and Miroku died," she clarified.

A year. A whole year had passed already since Naraku's defeat, and since Kagome went through the well. Never before in his life had Inuyasha felt time go so painfully slow.

"I want to go to their resting places," she continued. "It hurts me so much to know there's not even a bouquet of flowers resting on their graves, but I'll be back in a couple of weeks, probably."

"If you come back at all." He stood up and gave his back to her. She didn't need to make excuses for him. If she no longer wanted his company then it was her damned right to go wherever she pleased.

"What? Why do you say that?" she asked, but he had already lowered the drape of his hut behind him.

Inside, Shippo was sound asleep and Inuyasha's fish rested -miraculously-- untouched by the extinguished hearth at the centre of the hut. He sat carelessly on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest, but before he could start fuming, a feminine voice called from outside.

"Inuyasha?"

He didn't have to answer her. Why didn't the idiot wench just go back to polish her stupid weapon?

"Inuyasha, may I come in?"

"No," he replied angrily as he brushed his hair behind his ear. Maybe she'd leave him alone, but instead he could hear her sitting on the step he had been on before.

"Ok, I'll stay here outside."

"Keh! Do I have to know everything you do?"

"I will come back Inuyasha, I mean it."

"Yeah? As if I cared, and why should you do that anyway?"

There was a quiet moment before she answered, "I have nowhere else to go."

His stomach felt heavy at her response. "So, that's the only reason you tag along this useless ningen, huh?"

His drape was opened and a regretful face appeared behind it. "Oh, no, Inuyasha, I didn't mean it like that. You, Shippo and Kirara are my only friends. I wouldn't leave you, ever, and besides, I want Kagome to see me here when she comes back."

His stomach felt even heavier. Kagome.

"Do you want to come with Kirara and me?" Her voice took him out of the dark abyss his thoughts had started to take him.

"Uh? Eh… no, I'll stay. Are you taking Shippo with you?"

"And leave you with no one to force you to eat? I don't think so. Kaede-baachan already has enough trouble with her villagers."

"Ha-ha, you're so funny, Sango," he said sarcastically.

"I know," she smiled. "Well, I'll have to rest now because I depart early tomorrow. Let me know if you change your mind, all right?"

"Yeah, right."

"Ok, good night then, and Inuyasha-kun?"

"Huh?" It was still weird for Inuyasha to hear her calling him like that, but he never complained about it; it really didn't bother him.

"You're not useless." The drape was back on its place and Inuyasha was left in silence.

It was not that he didn't want to visit Miroku and Kohaku's graves but he couldn't go with Sango. What if Kagome decided to return in that moment and didn't find him there? A part of him yelled at him for being such a fool; Kagome wouldn't return, but a much stronger voice screamed that to be a lie, that she would come back to him.

He only had to wait long enough.

Inuyasha looked at the empty futon resting beside him. He cursed not being able to sleep sitting up anymore; it made him feel off guard, defenseless against anything that might threaten him during the night. Well, more defenseless of what he felt day by day, but there was no help. He lay down and almost immediately, fell asleep. The fish wasn't touched.

(1) Hakama: The pants Inuyasha and Kikyo wear. For men, Hakama can be worn in informal occasions, but women only use it in special times or for ritual purposes.

(2) Hadagi: The white shirt Inuyasha wears under his Haori, which by the way, it's not a haori but a kariginu, but that's such a difficult word, so let's stick to haori. :P

(3) Ningen: I'm pretty sure most of you know but any way, it means human.

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