Chapter six: Welcome to the family business.
Sengoku jidai. 1600 a.C.
Kaede has known Inuyasha for a longtime and she would dare to say she has seen him in every possible mood; indifferent, sad, feisty, happy (though rarely), sullen, furious… in love.
However, depression was never one of those moods, or at least if it was, he covered it very well, and a whole year of him being in such state was beyond worrisome; she has learned to truly appreciate the former hanyou through all these years and it pained her deeply to see him like that.
It is not that she didn't understand the motives of his despair; he had become a full human even though he really didn't wish to and to the day, he still wasn't able to accept his new self. The counted times she had obliged him to talk about it, Kaede perceived how he despised his appearance, the loss of his powers, the weakness that came with being a human every single day, and not only the nights of the new moon. She dared to say he almost hated himself. And to make things worse for him, Kagome wasn't there and that was what really was tearing him down.
Maybe if she had been there it would have been easier for him to embrace his new nature, to find peace and comfort in her presence and finally move on, but Kagome didn't return, as she promised.
Sango and Shippo have tried to help him, but Shippo was only a kid and there were little sensible words he could offer. Sango on the other hand, was of much more help and she tried to keep his spirit high, but she still had her own pain to deal with; the loss of her brother and betrothed were devastating for the young taijiya, although she tried to hide it very hard.
Kaede lamented that the final battle with the terrible Naraku had cost them so much suffering and wished for things to have been different for them, but it was unwise to question the ways of Kami-Sama. What she could do was to try to help them with every means she possessed. So far she had been able to give them shelter which, she hoped, could become a home for their hearts as it was already for their bodies. Her next target was to make them move ahead their grief, if it was within her reach.
Sango seemed to advance faster in that subject as her healing depended on her finally coping with death, and her journey to visit the graves of her beloved ones showed her progress, but Inuyasha's case was very different because his healing didn't depend on mourning for someone; he didn't have a grave to concentrate and bury his feelings and finally let them rest there someday.
On the contrary, he held onto a hope that barely kept him alive and, at the same time, was killing him slowly; a hope that no one knew if it could turn into a reality, because no one knew if Kagome would ever come back and that also hurt the old miko; now she had lost her sister trice; first when Kikyo died, then when that clay shell, in which her tormented soul subsisted, left the world again, and at last when Kagome, the reincarnation of that very soul, went away.
But she wouldn't lose Inuyasha, or better said, she wouldn't let Inuyasha lose himself, so, taking a deep breath and adjusting her bow, more out of habit than because she needed to, Kaede took the final steps and kindly, touched a black haired head that was hidden between a pair of crossed arms.
"Inuyasha," she called, but the addressed barely stirred.
"Inuyasha, wake up," she repeated, increasing her tone. Inuyasha moved his hand over his head as if trying to scare some annoying fly. Kaede finally gave him a small thud with the tip of her bow and at this, he jerked his head and looked up, the sun slithering through the foliage making him narrow his eyes, but a familiar silhouette blocked the offending rays.
"Eh? Wha--?"
"Inuyasha, you're still here?" she asked, her voice neutral.
"Kaede, you old hag! Why did you wake me up that way!" The young man received another thud.
"That's no way of talking to your elders," she admonished him but smiled faintly at him. "Now why don't you get up from that spot and do something useful? I wouldn't be surprised if roots began growing from your haori."
Inuyasha was about to retort, Kaede wanted him to retort, to complain, to be feisty, but instead, the fire died into his eyes at soon as it had appeared and he answered in a monotone voice. "There's nothing useful I can do…" his tone trailed off as his gaze turned to the well behind him.
Except waiting for Kagome.
"That's not true, Inuyasha, you are still a young, strong man who can be reliable and even resourceful, if you give yourself a chance."
"Keh! I don't know what good I could be in this useless, stupid ningen form— Ouch! Stop that already! Why did you hit me now?" He stroked his head where he had received yet another hit from Kaede's bow.
"Because I'm beyond tired of hearing you whimper all the time and complain about things that can't be changed, and also, I'm tired of seeing you doing nothing all day but hang around this well waiting for someone who you don't know will ever come back. That's why."
"She's coming back!" he snapped. "How can you say that? Don't you want her to return as well?"
Kagome had a family, friends, and that school she always complained about but talked with so much enthusiasm. Kaede always knew the girl had a life beyond them, always knew this was not her world.
"I do, I miss her as well and seeing her again would be a real joy for this old heart, but I won't allow my life to come to a halt as you have if she decides to do otherwise."
"Don't be stupid! My life isn't in a halt!"
"It isn't? Tell me then, when was the last time you caught your own food?" she said calmly, arching her eyebrow.
"Er— I— I don't--"
"Not since you turned human, if not for Sango, Shippo and myself, you would have already starved to death."
"That's not—"
"Or where is Tessaiga?
"I… uhm—"
"You got rid of it, didn't you?"
Inuyasha had repented for throwing the weapon away and had returned to look for it but found it gone. Well, after more than four months of lying there, it was logical someone or something had taken it. He shook off the remorse. "So what if I did? Why don't you go meddle in other people's business, and leave me alone?"
Kaede wanted him to be feisty, not to go on defensive, but apparently it was the best any one could get out of him apart from sulkiness.
She kept talking in that serene voice of hers. "And why didn't you go with Sango? Isn't your comrade, who sacrificed himself for you and his friends, worthy of your honors? Doesn't he deserve for you to pay him your respects?"
"I do honor him!" Inuyasha raised and stood in front of Kaede. True, he was taller than her, but still he felt diminished as the miko refused to look away but pierced him with her penetrating, knowing eye.
"And how exactly do you honor Miroku-Sama, young Inuyasha?"
"I er…" Nothing came to his mind; instead he felt a void forming at the pit of his stomach. Hadn't Sango told him something similar months ago? He let himself fall on the grass, a numb sensation running up his body. Kaede sat at the corner of the well and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Look into you, Inuyasha, and you will find that you are still in there, inside this stupid ningen form, as you call it. Show yourself that you still are brave, self assured, and all those things you considered yourself to be."
"I doubt it," he muttered.
"I know, and that is exactly what you have got to change." The words seemed to leave him pondering; maybe she was right, just maybe, but still…
"And… what about Kagome?"
Kaede stood up and straightened her hakama, she then walked pass Inuyasha and started her way back to the village.
"I'd be elated if she were to return, but keep in mind that she never belonged here in the first place."
"What?" He couldn't believe those words but Kaede didn't reply as she disappeared down the road.
Inuyasha would never be able to accept such thing. Of course Kagome belonged there, if not for her, he would be still pinned to that tree. How could her place not be there, with him?
Such thoughts didn't surprise him anymore, for the whole past year he came to the realization (or accepted the fact) that indeed, he loved Kagome and cursed himself for wasting so much time, time they could have been together. But instead he stubbornly blinded himself pursuing the shadow of love incarnated in the shadow of a woman.
Baka.
But what if Kaede was correct and Kagome didn't want to return because his time wasn't her time? He knew –although he struggled to accept it— that she had a life apart from him, but he had hoped she would stay. Of course, at that time he still was a hanyou who could protect her in those violent times he lived in and not a nuisance for others.
No. Kaede was mistaken; he was useless, he would never be what he was before and if Kagome didn't come back then it was no one's fault but his own. Why would she stay with him, the powerless human who had nothing to offer her?
Inuyasha took his hand to the red yarn that was around his neck and wrapped his hand around the small, rounded object that hung from it. After staring at it for a while, he put it back inside his haori and hid his face between his arms again.
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The sun had already started to descend when Sango finally saw the profile of the little huts of the village. She and Kirara had been traveling all day and they were tired and overwhelmingly hungry, but she gave a light pat to the neko youkai, pointing her towards the village and took the lateral path instead. She had no doubts she'd find Inuyasha there and indeed, there he was, with his eyes fixed in whatever he was holding in his hand and his back against the well.
Seeing him in such way made Sango feel a drowning desperation and she wished she could do something for her friend. Well, she hoped the little visitor she had brought with her would brighten him up a little.
"Hey, Inuyasha."
He placed the mysterious object inside his clothes and looked at the upcoming traveler. His soul felt less heavy at the sight of her and he had to admit he had missed her, even a little.
"Sango, so you're back after all," he spoke with pretended indifference. To be honest with himself, he had put that charade on for so long that it was hard to stop acting in such way. Fortunately, Sango knew him better than that and took no offense.
"Yes, I told you I'd be."
"So, how did it go?" He crossed his arms over his chest. He did feel a little bad after all for not going with her, but as he had already reasoned, he couldn't leave until Kagome came back.
"It was okay. Kirara and I visited my Houshi-Sama's resting place first and then we went back to our village to visit my father and brother's grave and, as I was already there, I decided to place all the unpurified youkai remains inside Midoriko-Sama's cave, to avoid any kind of incident."
"Sounds wise. Any problems on the road?"
"Not really, but I discovered something amazing in the cave."
Inuyasha tilted his head, curious, so Sango went on. "Well, Midoriko-Sama's body wasn't there anymore."
"What? How come? Did someone steal it?" he frowned.
"No, I don't think so, the youkai bodies weren't there either. What I believe is that after the Shikon no Tama disappeared, she found peace at last and her soul has gone to Kami. I'm glad for her, she deserved it."
"Well… that's okay, I guess, that something good came out of that stupid wish." He shrugged his shoulders.
"I found someone who's missed you," Sango said, changing the subject. She really didn't want to hear him go into a row of his self-pity babbles right then.
"Uh?"
Just before Inuyasha could even start to ponder who it could be, a spot jumped from Sango's shoulder and grew larger and larger as it approached his face. He could make out four little arms before the spot stuck its sting in his nose and started to swell up.
He knew that sting. Impassive, Inuyasha hit the spot with the flat palm of his had and Myoga fell softly into the now extended palm of his master. The small flea youkai recovered immediately and yelled happily.
"Inuyasha-Sama! I'm so glad to taste— I mean, see you again! Uhm, less spicy but still delicious." The flea savored his meal.
"Old Myoga! Where the hell have you been?"
"No need to shout, Inuyasha-Sama, A flea has business of their own and dangers as well, I had to keep a low profile for a while." Myoga crossed all his arms.
"Sure thing, I thought you had decided not to be around me anymore."
"What Myouga-jiji isn't telling you, Inuyasha, is that once again, poor Shioga-baba has been looking for him to marry him and this shameless old flea still won't face his responsibilities." Sango frowned, shaking a reproachful finger.
"I'm not marrying yet! I'm still too young for that!" Myoga cried and pulled at the few hairs he had on his balding head. Inuyasha smirked at the sullen bug.
"Ha! You don't change a bit," he said. The youkai looked sheepishly at his master and then attempted to jump on his nose again, but a fast stroke sent him flying away. It seemed Inuyasha's reflexes still were fast.
Sango looked at the scene amused, then cleared her throat. She wasn't sure how Inuyasha would react to what she was about to say.
"Inuyasha-kun."
He turned to her. "What?"
"I managed to buy three new futon, some cooking utensils we needed and clothes for Shippo."
"Really?" Inuyasha sounded surprised, having no idea how Sango could obtain such items.
When traveling, they really hadn't had the need to posses money, not when they hunted their own food, relied on the magical provisions Kagome brought from her time and had Miroku's talent to get them free accommodation and meals, but since they had been residing in one place, the situation had changed and they had been relying on what they hunted around the village and Sango's slowly improving skills to make clothes, using old kimono the inhabitants from the village gave her.
Sango berated herself silently at her indolence during such a long period of time. No matter the causes.
"Yes. I passed by some villages that were infested with some lesser youkai, that's how I managed to buy the things, with the money I earned exterminating them…" Sango offered him her hand and helped him up, then started walking toward the village, Inuyasha trailing after her.
He knew it was not her intention, but Inuyasha felt dreadful for not contributing to their survival. Kaede's talk came back to him and it made him feel even more miserable.
"…So, I've decided to go back to my family business, to say it some way, and I want you to do it with me."
Her declaration took him out of his thoughts. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"I'm a taijiya and I'm afraid there's nothing else I can do, so I'll go back to hunt youkai. You know, just because we killed Naraku it doesn't mean there are no more evil demons lurking around, and besides, we need the money."
Inuyasha looked down again. "Yeah," was his quiet answer. They arrived to the village and headed to their huts.
"But I want you to help me," she continued after a pause. "We'll get better chances if we work together." Sango entered her hut and exited a few moments later, carrying a kettle and other utensils.
"What? Do you want me to go demon hunting with you? Are you crazy?" Inuyasha took the kettle from her hands and filled it with water from the well some feet from there, then he put it over the fire Sango had already started. They usually kept an outer bonfire place to avoid smoking the interior of their huts.
"Yeah, why, have you got something better to do?" She lowered the traveling bag she had on her back and searched inside of it, producing the already boiled rice sack she had bought on the way home, together with other provisions.
"Keh! I don't think I'd be of any use for you, the most probable is that I'd get myself killed, and maybe I'd get you killed too." Sango handed some vegetables to Inuyasha along with a cutting table and a knife and he started cutting them with dexterity. She observed the movements of his hands.
"Not in my opinion. You're still agile and you know how to use a katana. Besides, you have lots of experience, what could go wrong?"
"Yeah all that can be true but you forget I'm nothing but a human now." He passed the cut vegetables to her and received in exchange a half dozen of recently cleaned fish and several sticks which he inserted through the fish and put them by the fire so they would grill.
"And you forget I'm a human too and I've managed fairly well, don't you think?" She removed the rice from the fire and put it in two separate bowls, then a small casserole with the vegetables and some spices was put on the fire, Inuyasha was given the task to move the contents frequently so it wouldn't burn.
"But you're different."
"Really? How come?" She raised an eyebrow and he passed his hair behind his ear.
"Well, you… you are in great shape."
"Thanks, but that's not an excuse, you can get in shape too. You'd be in shape if you hadn't spent all this time just sitting around."
Inuyasha scratched his head. "But you have Kirara."
"Kirara can carry both of us, she never had a problem when she carried me and Houshi-Sama." Sango retired the fish from the fire and put them aside their rice. A sad tinge remained in her voice.
"But you have all these human techniques against youkai and I don't. I didn't need them. I had Tessaiga and my hanyou force." Decided the vegetables were fried enough, he handed the casserole to Sango so she could serve them out.
"Once again, that's not an excuse. I can be your sensei." She handed him his plate.
"Yeah right," he mocked. "Anyway I don't have a weapon. Tessaiga's gone. Remember?" Inuyasha, reluctantly, spread his hashi apart and started munching on the rice. Sango constantly insisted on him using the damned sticks.
"What? What do you mean Tessaiga is gone?" Myoga emerged from Sango's hair. But the little youkai was totally ignored.
"If that's what's stopping you then there's no worry, we'll get you a weapon, and we'll be gone no more than a day, so there's no problem if Kagome comes back while we're not here. We'll ask Kaede-baachan to keep watch on the well." After saying a fast prayer, she took a bite from her fish and gave Kirara her portion; the neko swung her tails in content.
"But--" he tried to complain through a mouthful of rice and vegetables.
"No 'buts' Inuyasha, you will help me and that's it."
"Keh!" But he didn't say anything else.
"Sango! You're here! I missed you!" Shippo's voice sounded delighted at the sight of her. The Kitsune jumped on the taijiya's shoulder in happiness, although soon, she would have to ask him to stop doing it, he was becoming too heavy for her to bear his full weight.
"Me too, Shippo, did you behave?" She rubbed the top of his red hair.
"Of course, I helped Kaede-baachan with all kinds of stuff!"
"Very good. Did you make Inuyasha eat?" At this, Inuyasha turned his nose up, his pride offended.
"Barely."
"That's enough." She smiled and offered him his own bowl of rice. Shippo received it happily, even if he had already eaten.
"Where's Tessaiga? Inuyasha-Sama! What did you do with it!" But the trio, too busy emptying their bowls, didn't bother to answer to Myoga's little voice.
"Inuyasha-Samaaaaa! What have you done with the katana!"
Not far from there, Kaede observed them discreetly with an eerie curve on her thin lips. This particular scene always made her smile. It seemed Sango was the only one who actually made Inuyasha eat without having to force him, and the best part was that Inuyasha didn't even notice it.
It called her attention how Sango and Inuyasha behaved; they ate together, they shared the house chores (even if most of the times, Inuyasha wasn't aware of it, just like some minutes ago) and were each other's constant companion. Kaede wondered half amused if they were aware of how much they resembled a couple. She supposed not, but she wouldn't be the one to point it out for them; perhaps they would realize that by themselves.
Perhaps the means to heal their scarred souls lied within each other. Perhaps.
Only time would tell.
(1) In Japan, kimono are never wasted or thrown away. It is a common practice to make new kimono from old ones, using patches or making them into haori. So I didn't mean Sango was receiving charity from the villagers. (Source: Wikipedia dot org)
(2) Hashi: chopsticks.
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