Chapter 1: High Emotions
Luke: Oh, Candy. What's happened to you?
Outside Luke and Bo's bedroom window, Rosco and Enos sat listening.
Rosco: Oh! Goody, goody, gumdrops!
Enos: But, Sheriff, it seems Luke's friend has a problem.
Rosco: Oh, Enos! Forget that, this is Candy Dix, the big rising country star. We could make a fortune. Maybe Boss'll share it with me for discovering Luke Duke's plan.
Enos: What plan, Sheriff?
Rosco: To bring in that Candy Dix and not tell no body.
Enos: Sir, I think that it's not a plan. Luke would never fake something.
Rosco: Enos! Do I pay you to think?
Enos: No, sir, you don't.
Rosco: Then lets go, you dipstick.
Rosco and Enos get in their patrol cars and drive away. Inside the house, Luke is still in his and Bo's room. Actually, he's buried in his and Bo's closet.
Luke: Oh, Bo! You can be a real pain sometimes!
Luke tosses a pair of swimming trunks out of his way.
Luke: Wow, 7 years can sure add up. he pulls out an old Vietnam toke with the words "Big Brother Marine" printed in big letters Oh! Finally!
He opens the toke and looks inside. Then he looks around, glancing. When he's sure there's no one in the room, he pulls out a sword, a pack of ammunition and a handgun. At that point, Bo walked in.
Bo: Luke, do you--what! Are you crazy?
Luke: Bo! What are you doing here?
Bo: This is my room, too, Lucas, and it's my probation you're also jeopardizing!
Luke: slamming the door Bo! Will you be reasonable?
Bo: laughing Reasonable? Will you? You're carrying, holding, the very thing that could--could make a lot of crooks really--andI mean really--happy.
Luke: Bo, Candy's in trouble.
Bo: Well, if Rosco or Enos finds that, so are we!
Luke: Bo, if Candy's in trouble, you gotta bet I'm gonna be prepared.
Bo: Luke, there are other options that could solve Candy's problems without bringing bigger ones for us!
Luke: I know that. I've not signed, sealed or delivered anyone's death certificate!
Bo: When did killing someone get into this?
Luke: Since Candy told me the ba… bad, bad man is coming after her.
Bo: You will not kill nothing. I mean an insect. Creepy, crawly, fluttery or sweet smelling, My Little Boxing Marine.
Luke's face creased over in laugh lines as he busted a gut.
Luke: laughing Your what?
Bo: while Luke still laughed My Little Boxing Marine.
Luke laughed harder.
Luke: still laughing B-Bo, what-what m-m-makes you sa-ay that?
Bo: I read that Marines are considered lethal weapons.
Luke: who had finally stopped laughing Oh, Bo.
Bo: That I learned when you was in the Marines. I learned Boxers are also considered lethal weapons.
Luke: Oh, Bo. Listen, the Marines didn't make this unstoppable killing machine without some control.
Bo: Luke, you're a double threat. If someone gets so much as a scratch who knows you military status--namely Boss.
Luke: Namely Boss--
Bo: Luke, that could really shatter our world.
Luke: Hey, kid, come here.
Bo walks over to Luke.
Bo: Luke, I-I just don't know what I would do without you.
Luke: And you won't have to worry about that for a long, long time.
Bo: Luke, you don't see the fears that I do.
Luke: And you don't see the benefits, Bo.
Bo: Luke, I'm really scared.
Luke: Marines, Bo, when they make a new line, they make sure he, or she, knows everything.
Bo: Promise?
Luke: smiling Promise.
Luke released Bo just long enough to put away his weapons and climb up on the bed.
Luke: patting the bed C'mon up here.
Bo sat down on the bed and laid back into Luke's embrace.
Luke: Now, I need you to do me a favor, actually a few favors.
Bo: Anything. Just name it.
Luke: Don't say anything about the things you saw here, don't mention about Candy's comin' by and don't worry. Leave that for me.
Bo: Really, Luke. Please, don't do anything stupid.
Luke: Never.
The next day, Bo and Luke were racing down the dirt country roads, making a monkey of the local sheriff: Rosco P. Coltrane, and the 3 neighboring sheriffs: Grady Byrd, of Sweetwater, Lester Crabb, of Hatchapee and Ed Little of Chickasaw.
Bo: What'd we ever do to them?
Luke: Since when have we needed to do something to them for them to come after us?
Bo: You got a point there.
Over in Rosco's car, he is talking on the CB.
Rosco: We got 'em now!
Sheriff Little: Coltrane, you had better.
Enos: Sheriff, the road is set us as you requested.
Back in General Lee; Bo glanced nervously over to Luke.
Bo: Uh, Luke. Did you hear that?
Luke: Of course. Uh, how 'bout making them a-concerning takin' up air traffic control?
Bo laughs.
Bo: All right.
When the General Lee comes upon the road block, the boys make the 4 sheriffs stand with their mouths hanging ajar as they just fly over Enos' car with a Dixie horn and a rebel call.
Bo: Wow.
Luke: Nice drivin', Cousin. Now, lets get back to the farm where we can sort this out.
Bo: All right!
The picture shows General Lee racing down the road as Rosco picked up the CB microphone.
Rosco: Um, Boss, this is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane calling. Over.
Boss: This is J.D. Hogg. What is it Rosco?
Rosco: We lost 'em.
Boss: Oh, get them Duke Boys! They could spoil our whole plan!
Back at the farm, the boys were laying down what was happening for Uncle Jesse and Daisy.
Daisy: So Rosco, Grady Byrd, Lester Crabb, and Sheriff Little are all after you?
Luke: Strange, I know.
Bo: I just don't understand why their after us?
Luke: The only thing I can think of is our last name is Duke. In the books, that's enough to get any Duke in trouble.
Bo sniggered. Daisy chuckled.
Uncle Jesse: Well, that's true.
Luke: Ok, Bo lets go. I wanna go straight to the "Hogg's" mouth.
Bo: Well, lead on, Sergeant.
Luke: Hey, I've told you about that. No military service ranks.
Bo and Luke head out to the Court House. They looked around and saw no one. They headed back to the General and checked the bank.
Luke: That only leaves one place.
Bo and Luke: The Boars Nest.
They raced over to the Boars Nest and sure enough Boss' Caddie sat there.
Bo: We struck it rich, cousin.
Luke: Just cause you found something yellow and shinny doesn't mean you found gold, cousin.
Bo: Good meaning. Lets go and talk to our good pal: Boss Hogg.
Luke: Your mouth should be washed out with soap.
They climb out of the General Lee and walked towards the entrance of the Boars Nest. Beside the door, stood a sign.
Luke: Come one, come all. Come see the great star Candy Dix. One time only. Tickets $3 per person--all ages. Beer $1 and popcorn 50 cents.
Luke looks over at Bo.
Bo and Luke: That's what they're up to!
Luke: How did he find out!
Bo: How does Boss find out about anything?
Luke: He must have overheard me.
Bo: Yeah, probably when you told us.
Luke: I don't know, I don't care. But I'm gonna make that Hogg squeal. That was personal.
Luke came into the buzzing Boars Nest and headed straight for the back office.
Luke: Boss! I need a word with you, you down right dirty Hogg!
Boss: Well, well, well, well and well. If it ain't the two riffrats: Bo and Luke Duke.
Luke: Yeah? You'll be thinkin' riffrats when I get through with ya. Especially if you hurt Candy!
Boss: Is that a fact?
Luke: That there's a fact!
Boss: Luke Duke, you get outta here before I throw false accusations at you.
Luke: Throw what you will! I'll just catch it again and pitch it back at'cha. I'm a good receiver, a pitcher and batter, Boss!
Bo and Luke walk out of the office. Boss grabs the CB mic.
Boss: This here is J.D. Hogg calling Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane and Deputy Enos Strate. Over!
Rosco: This is Rosco P. Coltrane callin' the Boss over.
Enos: And Enos, Mr. Hogg.
Boss: Rosco, Enos; you two dipsticks head on out to the Duke Farm and keep an eye on them. That Luke Duke done threatened me.
Rosco: Oh, well, I'll cuff 'im and stuff 'im!
Boss: Oh, Rosco, you can't do that!
Rosco: Why, Boss?
Boss: Because, you pea-brain, his big star friend, Candy Dix, is comin' to town. Besides, I don't want to tangle with no Duke once I've stirred their eels. Especially Luke Duke's eels.
Rosco: Okay, Boss. Bu-but when can I cuff him and stuff him?
Boss: After Miss Dix leaves.
Enos: Mr. Hogg, now, I don't believe Luke-Luke would threaten anybody. What really happened?
Boss' eyes went narrow from anger.
Boss: Enos Strate! How dare you insinuate that'd I lie?
Rosco: Yeah, if you want to keep that shinny badge on your dull exterior, you'd had better side with us!
Enos: Mr. Hogg, Sheriff; orders are orders. I ain't gonna go against my superior officers.
Rosco: Oh, you little rascal, you. You're a dipstick rascal, but a rascal nonetheless.
In the General Lee, Bo and Luke had rode in silence for several minutes. Finally, coming upon the payphone. Luke broke that silence.
Luke: Hey, stop up at the payphone. I need to make a phone call.
Bo: Alrighty.
When they came up to the payphone, Bo pulled over as Luke began to climb out. When Bo came to a full stop, Luke climbed all the way out.
Bo: At least you waited for me to stop before you got out.
Luke chuckled and started to search for a quarter.
Luke: Hey, Bo. If my memory serves me right…
Bo: You know it does. You paid for my last call. I owe you. Bo reached in his pocket and got 2 dimes and a nickel Here.
Luke: Way to go, Bo!
Luke put the change in and dialed a number.
Bo: while Luke was dialing If Luke is broke, Dukes are broke. he exhales
Luke: Come on, pick up. he wait's a few more rings Dang! She didn't pick up.
Bo: Lets head back to the farm and you can call her there.
Luke: Do you even know who I'm calling?
Bo: Nope.
Luke chuckled as he started to climb in the passenger side and Bo made him way around General.
Luke: as Bo climbed in Come on, hit it.
Bo: I'm coming. I'm coming.
Bo and Luke in General Lee sped down the road, not far behind them: Rosco tailed by Enos.
Luke: Do you see who I see?
Bo: laughing I sure do. They must be the welcoming committee for that little speech you gave Boss.
Luke: It was no speech. It was gospel.
Bo floored General Lee and led Rosco and Enos around the back roads.
Luke: Hey, Bo, why don't you just take it easy. winking You're coming up on the Choctaw River.
Bo: chucking Ten-four! he chuckles I hope Rosco and Enos renewed their flying permits.
Luke laughed a slight laugh as he shook his head. Bo induced speed, straight for the Choctaw River. Enos slammed on his brakes, stopping dead in his tracks. Rosco looked in his rear view mirror.
Rosco: Enos! What in the world are you doin'? We're in hot pursuit of them Duke Boys. You can't just stop in the middle of hot pursuit.
Enos: Possum on a gum bush, Sheriff, we're coming upon Choctaw River. I'm not even going there. Only 3 people can jump that: Bo, Luke and General Lee Duke. Bo just accelerated. He's jumping, Sheriff.
As Enos said his last sentence, Bo, Luke and General Lee jumped the Choctaw River, leaving Rosco to slam on his breaks to avoid an accident.
Boss: Rosco! Don't you jump that Dad-blasted river! Remember, your limited to a car a week. Or you's gonna ride bareback on horses.
Rosco lets out his trademark squeal.
Rosco: You-- I mean-- Oh!
Bo: At least he didn't attempt to jump.
Luke: If he had, he wouldn't.
Bo: That's true.
General Lee speeds off, spitting dust, rocks and smoke towards Rosco. Rosco climbs out of his car, shaking his fist.
Rosco: I'll get you Duke Boys if it's the last thing I do!
Boss: who heard the whole thing over the CB Rosco, if you keep this up, you just might see that.
Rosco: Oh, well, thank you.
Boss: You will see the last thing you'll ever do.
Rosco starts stuttering, not knowing what to say.
Bo: Well, next stop, the farm.
Luke: All right! Drive on, cousin!
After a few more miles on the road, they were back at the nesting grounds.
Luke: I just can't believe he'd do this to her!
Uncle Jesse: Why not? He does it to everyone else.
Luke: Yeah, that's true. But… what does he want with Candy?
Daisy: Luke, sweetie, she's a superstar.
Luke: She sure is. She's my superstar.
Bo: Hey, y'all, did you know Candy was a nurse, not an entertainer?
Daisy: sarcastic Really?
Luke: Yeah, remember, I told you we met when I broke my arm.
Bo: Will you tell us what happened?
The scene flashes back to November 1, 1965.
Flashback
A view of the base shows it smoking and falling apart. Luke, who is in camouflage and has a crew cut, stares at the ruined building. His supervisor, Brass McClain, comes around the corner.
Brass McClain: What happened? What's the situation?
Luke: We don't know. A bomb, single, hit dead center and that's all that happened. We don't know how they got in, Sir.
A man comes running over, breathing hard.
Man: Lance corporal Talego. U.S. Navy, Sir. That's because they didn't get in.
Luke: What do you mean?
Lance Corporal Talego: It was Sergeant Lane. He fired upon the Marines for a stupid card game, Sir.
Luke: You mean to tell me we were attacked by our own soil over some dumb, unimportant, and pointless card game!
Lance Corporal Talego: Yes, I'm afraid so. I tried to stop them, but I couldn't, Sir.
Luke: Ok, lets see if there's any survivors, y'all. Then we can take care of the Navy.
Luke, Brass McClain and 5 other men head out to try to help.
Luke: Cal, you take Pain and Panic out and try to find survivors over on the left side. Me, Medium and Little Brother will take the right.
All the men nodded and headed in the direction appointed.
Lance Corporal Talego: What do I do? How can I help?
Luke: Listen, when I say this, I don't mean this the way most people do, but you've done enough. You really have. But I can't have you go against your own branch and you don't specify in the Search and Rescue we need. You can go to your Brass. Tell him what happened.
Brass McClain: And tell him I'd like to have a word with him.
Lance Corporal Talego: Yes, Sir.
Lance Corporal Talego leaves and Luke's group set out. The scene shows the group searching through the ruble.
Luke's over voice: We searched everywhere. Every one we found, he was either dead--
The view shows Luke covering something.
Luke's over voice: …Or nearly dead.
This view shows Luke, Medium and Little Brother picking up a badly wounded soldier.
Luke's over voice: But there was a slight problem. Me and Medium found a Marine. He wasn't hurt too badly. But his legs were underneath a collapsed petition--
The scene flashed to Luke finding the Marine.
Luke: Hey, Medium! pause Brad, give me a helping hand!
Medium, or Brad, came over and saw the Marine.
Brad: Oh, ok. First, lets get this board off of 'im.
Luke: Ok, I know that, Medium. That's why I need your help.
Brad and Luke started to lift the petition.
Luke's over voice: That's when it happened. Snap! The support rafting board gave way--
Brad hears something and looks up.
Brad: Marine! Look out!
Luke's over voice: Brad was closer to safety than I was. He stepped out of the danger zone. But as for me--
Luke and the Marine, who was awake, looked up. They saw the collapsing beam.
Luke's over voice: Everything seemed to move in slow, all so slow, motion. I don't know how it happened, but he spoke these words--
Luke, in the present, and the Marine spoke at the same time, the same words in the same exact order creating a creepy feeling.
Luke's over voice and The Marine: Marine, I know what you're thinking. It's not your fault.
The beam fell, killing the Marine instantly and mangling Luke's arm. Luke cries out in pain, not so much physical pain, but metal and emotional pain for the Marine.
Brad: Marine!
Luke climbed out of the ruble, holding his arm.
Luke: The Marine's dead. I got away with a broken arm and he didn't even get away with his life!
Brad: Marine, you did all you could.
Luke: Yeah, I know.
Luke's over voice: His face h--haunts me in my dreams, still. But, eventually, I stopped feeling guilty. When we caught those Navy men he laughed Brass McClain looked like Santa Claus. He would sit up on his "pedal stood" and spank anyone we brought to him. He was there all day. But when night fell and we couldn't find no more Navy I headed to the MASH unit. They had finally got all the nurses there. Candy was one of them.
The picture shows Luke walking into the MASH unit and he stops dead in his tracks.
Luke's over voice: I thought, "Sweet Jesus, who's that sweet thing." Right in front of me was the 2 best buns since hamburger buns. I guess she was getting a coffee cup, but I started walking again. This time not paying no attention--
Luke is looking at Candy's butt, when he trips over her feet lying out.
Candy: jumping up Oh! I'm so sorry. Let me help you up.
Candy helps Luke up.
Candy: Oh, we'll need to patch up that arm. noticing how he's watching her Did you trip over my feet?
Luke: love struck No, your butt. her face shows no emotion but she's fairly amused inside Oh, I mean, yes!
Candy: Uhh-huh.
Luke: Really!
End of Flashback
Luke: I'll tell ya, most embarrassing moment of my life.
Bo: I bet.
Daisy: You said, "No, your butt."
Luke nods shamefully.
Bo: Slick move, cousin.
Luke: Yeah, it was. But, I'll tell you, I wouldn't change it for the world.
Daisy: So, when's Candy coming?
Luke: Soon. But, I need to call her.
Luke picks up the phone and dials a number.
Candy: on other line Hello?
Luke: Hey, it's nice to hear your voice again.
Candy: Luke! Oh, it's so nice to hear from you, darling!
Luke: Candy, as good it is to talk and as much as I'd like to say this is a social call, it's not. Baby, Boss and Rosco found out.
Candy: They did?
Luke: Yeah. Maybe we can get together later than planned?
Candy: No, my manager says only for a little while. Then we're off. You know he ain't gonna cotton to me coming down later. Luke, it has got to be now.
Luke: Is he ordering you around?
Candy: Some. But not to worry. My Uncle's the enemy. Not my manager.
Luke: Are you so sure?
Candy: Positive A door opens and shuts on her line Oh, well, now that that's settled, I'll let you go. Good-bye, darling.
She hangs up, leaving Luke feeling confused.
Luke: That's weird.
Bo: What do you mean?
Luke: Candy and I were talking and then she just started acting like someone she didn't want to intercept come in.
Daisy: Maybe someone's bothering her. Or maybe she just doesn't want you to worry.
Luke: That's probably it. She protected me way too much for me being the eldest.
Bo: By how much?
Luke: One year or so.
Uncle Jesse: You just worry too much. Let her tell you when she's ready.
Luke: Perhaps you're right. taking a breath Well, Bo, looks like we have a farm to run.
Uncle Jesse: N-Now boys, you don't have to run no farm--especially mine. You boys go have fun.
Luke: smiling All right. Especially since I'm gonna be taken tomorrow.
Bo: Boars Nest?
Luke: Maybe there are some lucky girls there.
Bo and Luke dash off.
Daisy: Uncle Jesse, that just ain't like Luke! Can you take care of this farm, alone?
Uncle Jesse: Are you kidding? Besides, Bo, mostly, Luke; worked it all last week. They, especially Luke, deserve it.
Daisy looks unconvinced.
Uncle Jesse: Now, Daisy, do you believe Luke would leave this farm in bad condition for me to handle. It's probably in the best condition it's been in for years.
Daisy: I doubt that.
Daisy and Jesse chuckle. After the boys had some fun, they came home and went to bed. They awakened to Luke being as nervous as a long tailed cat, in a room full of rocking chairs.
Uncle Jesse: Boy, will you get a hold of yourself.
Luke: not paying any attention Uh-huh, sure.
Bo: Uncle Jesse, he's gone bonkers.
Daisy: No, he's nervous.
Bo: Uncle Jesse, I even tried crying! Do you know how much I hate showing my tenderness'?
Daisy: Bo, I'm not the least bit worried about your hardships with your tears. I'm more worried about Luke ignoring your tears. Heck, I've seen him go after a kindergartener with him a sixth grader!
Bo: Oh, I know. But how can I help him if my tears don't stir him.
Uncle Jesse: Leave 'im be.
Luke: Guys, I'm sorry. Bo, you all right?
Bo: He's back!
Daisy: Welcome back, Luke. Are you ok?
Luke: I'm all right. Sorry I zoomed out on you there.
Bo: It's all right. We're all ok, now.
Luke glances up at the clock.
Luke: Oh, my god! It's a quarter to nine. The show starts at nine.
Bo: Hold on, Luke. I'll get you there. You coming, Uncle Jesse.
Uncle Jesse: No, just tell me how the show went and bring her by.
Bo: Will do!
Bo grabs the keys and heads out the door to General, followed--closely--by Luke and Daisy.
Luke: after putting Daisy in and climbing in himself Hit it, hit it, forceful for God's sake Beaureguard, HIT IT!
End of Chapter 1: High-Emotions