Rei: MWAHAHAHA! I'm back and ready for humorous action. This is one of my new humor stories I'm planning to write. I hope you enjoy it. :D This is also post-meteor and AC. I think I'm a little hyper… OwO; ) About two years or so.

Dedicated to- Kawaii Eyez, 0utfoxed, TerrisMoon, Beeria, thequietgenius, Garvas, Kage-chan, Kujaku, Rina-chan, Kunoichi Uchiha, basically everyone who has reviewed my one-shots and as well as all clouffie lovers. You guys rule.

Disclaimer- YES! I own all the Final Fantasy characters and the game! Haha, I don't. I was using reverse psychology… I wish I owned them, but unfortunately Square Enix owns FFVII and people. NOOO!

Summary: 'Yes, that is what I will do… Prepare yourself Spiky… The Great Ninja Yuffie is becoming an AUTHOR!' -- Basically Yuffie gets a great idea when she was suffering from boredom, and decides to write a 'special book' on the blonde-haired warrior himself. Oh god, Cloud's going to need therapy after this… Once a Ninja, now a Ninja-Stalker… Run Cloud run!

The Book of Cloud Prologue

"Speech"

'Thought'

In Wutai, in the Pagoda-

Normal POV

'Oh. My. Gawd. I have nothing to doooooooo! After I died Godo's hair white, he made me MEDITATE in the freaking Pagoda! Augh! He knows I hate meditating. It's irritating. It makes you… SIT there for gawd-knows-how-long and find an 'inner peace'. The Great Ninja Yuffie is no monk! Only monks and weird people do that… I think. Haha. (Just so you know, I'm not making fun of anyone who does meditate.) I wonder what everyone is doing…'

Yuffie Kisaragi was not a happy 20 year old Ninja. She was a very BORED 20 year old Ninja. Thanks to Godo, she was sitting here. She had been doing him a favor, honestly! She helped along his changing hair color. He was already getting white hair, why should he care if it was all white? It saves you the pain of finding another, and yet another in the morning. She didn't call him old man for nothing. 'Hehe, maybe I should do this to Cid…' She thought evilly and laughed at the thought of a white-haired Cid. 'I bet he'd swallow his cancer sticks in shock!'

Now she was laughing evilly out loud too- uh oh, was that Chekhov checking in on her? 'Crap, pretend you're meditating… Grrr this is so boring I could fake cry. I need some pocky…'

Chekhov left soon afterward, and Yuffie blew out air in relief. 'Phew. But now what do I do? I still have 5 hours to go… Dang it.'

After the approximate time count of five minutes, Yuffie's thoughts were something like this: 'Meditating sucks ass. So does Godo. He should go stew in a big bucket of crap… I don't want to act like a proper lady. I could rule Wutai just like I am, right…? WHOA OMG I can't believe I actually am pondering about this kinda stuff! Yuffie, aren't you supposed to think about yourself? Well sure but Yuffie likes materia a LOT and tries to save her pretty Wutai, oh yes she does. Yuffie cares about Wutai, Yuffie cares about friends who are hot, like Cloud, mmmm Cloudy… … I could go for a sundae right now… Damn you Cloud, you make me HUNGRY!'

She didn't realize how weird that last comment made her sound. (Bwahahhahahaha cough hack snort) Or that she had been thinking in the third person for a little while. Now that her thoughts were on Cloud, she began to ponder about that big ol' chocobo-headed angst bucket. 'I wonder what he's doing now? I hope he's not moping over Aeris still… I mean, I was there too! I miss her! She was like my big sister… Grrr. If he's still moping, I should go over there and use my royal hiney to kick his un-royal hiney! For Leviathan's sake, she would've wanted him to move on, I'm sure she would've wanted him to. I'm surprised that he hasn't or Boobs hasn't called yet screaming about how they're going to get engaged, married, blah blah blah. I guess she doesn't have as much courage as she normally does. But somehow I can't see them together, it just looks weird…'

She kept thinking about the blonde-headed warrior for the remainder of meditation time, never even noticing that it was starting to get dark. Someone can sure come up with a list of things about Cloud, huh? Lets take a peek at Yuffie's list of 'Cloudiness' that's been scribbled on a piece of memo pad paper. MWAHA.

'The Great Ninja Yuffie's List of… CLOUDINESS'

'Reasons why Cloud is Cloudy: He carries around a biiiiiig sword (no matter what kind it is, it's always big enough to make you into chop-suey), he has motion sickness (LIKE ME! We have so much in common!), he's got hair the color of a chocobo (That always stands out in a crowd), he's hot (for an angst-bucket. At least he's not leaky (as in crying all the time)), he's the leader of AVALANCHE (Barret, you so totally lost your position! HA!), he's got the coolest blue eyes ever (they're all… BLUEY! Full of mako energy), he carries the best materia (That's gonna be MY materia soon… Nyuck nyuck), he (along with ME and the rest of AVALANCHE) beat the crap out of Sephiroth, he hugged me when I needed it (When Aeris died, HE LET ME HUG HIM! OMG! SQUEE!), he's got SPIKY HAIR! (It's so spiky… I've yet to find out if he uses hair gel or not), he's hot (so what if I wrote it twice? I'm trying to get a point across.), and there were more scribbled across the page.

After scanning over all her material in the memo pad, she thought to herself, 'whoa. I could so be a writer like this. I took so much time to write about ONE PERSON! Spikes should feel HONORED! Hey… In fact I think I've got an idea… Heheheheheh…'

'Mmmmm, okay. I'm going to write about Cloud, because if I tried to write about someone else, like Vinnie per say, I'd probably end up screaming on paper 'VAMPIRE!' a bazillion times. Same with Tifa, except it would be 'AHHHH BOOBS! BIG TITS, EWWW THE GROSSNESS'. Sorry Teef, but they are so big they're scary! Cid would be 'Old-man-who's-going-to-die-from-smoking-himself-to-ashes', or just to be short, 'Old Man.' Mwhaha. Barret is going to be 'Marshmallow' or 'Marsha' (I didn't come up with those nicknames, other people have, so give credit to them). Red XIII aka Nanaki is 'Mr. Flamey Butt' because he's got a freaking fire on his tail! Put it out I say, put it out, before you- AHHH OMG OLD MAN YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE! Oh, sorry about that. I was reminiscing about a funny memory… Cid running around screaming 'MY ASS' ON FIRE!' was the funniest thing I've ever seen, excluding that time Aeris showed me a picture of Cloud dressed in drag. OMG. LOL.'

'Oh yeah, and Cait would be 'Cat-with-infinite-lives' because he NEVER dies! Isn't there something weird with that! I swear, Reeve LIKES torturing us all. Grrr, Reeve, I am sobleaching your hair white the next time I see you… That and I'm shoving my shuriken up your ass. NYUCK NYUCK.'

So after all these thoughts her time was up, and she jumped for joy. 'YESSSSSSS! I'm out of here!' She left the Pagoda and went to her room, full of glee. 'I have something to occupy my time now. I don't have to take these lessons, I've already learned them, even though he thinks I haven't.'

She sat on her bed and looked outside her window. She sighed, it was now dark outside and she was tired. She had training exercises, a whole bunch of them before she had conveniently died Godo's hair and gotten meditation as a punishment. She stretched and yawned. 'No no no, I have to finish my plotting! Bad Yuffie, if you ever want to bug the heck out of Cloud, we must finish this… Yes, finish this and then we can get to our dear old friends Bed and Pocky. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.'

So then, after finalizing some ideas, and creating a more solid outline, Yuffie thought to herself triumphantly, 'Yes, that is what I will do… Prepare yourself Spiky… The Great Ninja Yuffie is becoming an AUTHOR!'

The hyper 20 year old put away her memo pad in a special compartment underneath her bed and locked it. Hey, no use letting anyone else besides herself steal, right? She smirked as she thought about her idea. The more she thought about it, the more she liked it. The thought of following Choco-Boy around and writing stuff about him sounded like so much fun… And she was looking forward to it. With a few 'nyucks' here and there, she went to sleep with a very happy outlook for tomorrow. (For her, at least. Cloud, I pity you… Hugs Cloud)

End of Prologue

Rei: I'm sorry that was kind of short, forgive me. I hope it wasn't… TOO random at times, I tried to make this as Yuffie-ish as humanly possible. I'm sure it doesn't help that I was hyper when I wrote this… Well, if it didn't suck too bad, I hope you like it and look forward to reading more. Please review, for the sake of motivating me and getting me off my high horse. (Writer's block has me in its clutches for one of my stories, but not this one) Thanks for reading!