Chapter 11: A True Lady

Rhett left Pitty's house with a wide grin on his face. He had waited for Scarlett longer than he'd ever waited for any woman, and he had to admit, the wait had absolutely been worth it. She breathed new life into his soul, which had been scarred over for so long. He couldn't remember a time when he had felt like dancing down the street, but at that point, he did. He wanted to spoil her and give her anything she wanted because she made him so happy. He wanted to see her as happy as she made him.

She may be angry with him, but it would pass. She was in his grasp, and he was not going to let her go. He had to leave in the morning for business, but by the time he returned, she would have had time to calm down and get over the demure act.

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Scarlett sat in shock long after Rhett had left, horrified over what she'd done. She had never experienced anything like that before in her life. She had flirted and teased boys since she'd left the nursery, but never had she let a man get beyond a kiss or two. Until that afternoon, the most she had ever let a man touch her had been in Pitty's hallway after the musicale.

She loved Rhett and had been so swept away by relief when he had apologized and told her she was the only woman he pursued. She had been heartbroken and depressed for months, then suddenly, she was back in his arms again, and she had just been swept away. How could she have let him use her body, find his enjoyment, and then refuse to marry her? How could she have gotten so carried away by her passions? What would her mother say?

"Oh no – mother! How can I ever face her again?" she thought wildly. "She will be so disappointed in me!"

Scarlett so wanted to be a great lady, and she tried so hard, but being a lady was so boring, and she always seemed to slip up somehow, despite her best attempts. She felt like she had failed at everything her mother had hoped for her. Ashley had told her this would happen, that Rhett would take advantage of her. Everyone had told her Rhett was a bad man who no lady should associate with.

"Well, it looks like they were right," Scarlett thought drudgingly, "no 'lady' would. Rhett had known…I'm no lady."

Moaning, she fell onto the bed and buried her face in the pillows. After a few moments, her self-pity and embarrassment grew into anger and defiance. She could do better! If she wanted to be a lady, she sure as hell could be! She would show that scoundrel! Show him that he couldn't take advantage of her and expect her to welcome him with open arms, well, he was sorely mistaken! Scarlett O'Hara would not be a fool again. She would be a proper lady, and Rhett Butler could just go to Halifax!

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Scarlett threw herself into her work at the hospital. So much so that she could have been mistaken for the most dedicated lady in the Confederacy. She worked herself to exhaustion with the hope that the screams and groans of the dying could drown out her own thoughts of guilt. Everyone mistook her retrospective silence as demure and ladylike, but the truth was that there was little need to bite her tongue when she was so unmoved by everything around her.

Three weeks later, Rhett returned and could not keep himself from calling on Scarlett that very evening. He had gone to bed every night with the thoughts of her, and he had been unable to take his mind away from the memory of the feel of her body under his. In every store window he passed by, he noticed a frock she would look quite fetching in or a piece of jewelry he wanted to present to her, just to enjoy the happy look on her face. He had concluded his business as quickly as possible and not dallied, so he was able to return to her side as soon as possible.

His first stop upon returning to Atlanta was Miss Pitty Patt Hamilton's home. He jumped down from his horse and jolted up the stairs as quickly as he could. Rapping on the door, Rhett impatiently waited for Uncle Peter to answer.

"Captain Butter," Uncle Peter said, opening the door, "Miss Scarlett is not back from the hospital yet, but Mrs. O'Hara is upstairs. I'll go tell her you're here."

Rhett waited in the parlor visiting with Melanie for almost an hour before they saw Scarlett walking up to the house. Melanie, knowing that Rhett and Scarlett's relationship had been strained for months, jumped up to greet Scarlett at the door.

"Scarlett darling, how was the hospital today?" she asked, walking into the hallway.

"The same as always. Sixty more wounded came in on the afternoon train," she said exhausted.

"Well, I should really get started on these," Melanie said nervously, taking the bag of bandages from her. "You have a caller in the parlor." Melanie hustled out of the hallway, anxious to leave them alone.

Scarlett walked into the parlor and stopped suddenly when she saw Rhett standing in the middle of the room. She knew she should scream at him, blame him for what they'd done, but it was so good to see him again she did not have the strength to be angry at him. He radiated vitality, and the room seemed pleasant and homelike again, the lamps rosy and warm. She did not know why that should be, for he was such an unpredictable, callous person. Perhaps it was because, as he often said, they were so much alike. Sometimes she thought that all the people she had ever known were strangers except Rhett.

"What are you doing here, Rhett?" she asked, tired and clearly annoyed.

"Well, I've been gone for a few weeks, and now that I'm back in Atlanta, my first stop was to visit my beautiful southern belle."

Scarlett laughed humorlessly, "You shouldn't have come, Rhett. I told you I didn't want to see you again. Not after what we did."

Rhett looked her over closely. She looked tiered, and he realized that her conscience must have been weighing heavily on her. "What's the matter, honey? Can't you tell me?" he said, taking her hand.

"Oh, Rhett, I'm so afraid."

"Don't be a goose, Scarlett. You've never been afraid in your life."

"Oh, Rhett, I am afraid!"

The words bubbled up faster than she could speak them. She could tell him. She could tell Rhett anything. He'd been so bad himself that he wouldn't sit in judgment on her. How wonderful to know someone who was bad and dishonorable and a cheat and a liar, when all the world was filled with people who would not lie to save their souls and who would rather starve than do a dishonorable deed!

"I'm afraid I'll die and go to hell." If he laughed at her, she would die, right then. But he did not laugh.

"You are pretty healthy - and maybe there isn't any hell after all."

"Oh, but there is, Rhett! You know there is!"

"I know there is, but it's right here on earth, not after we die. There's nothing after we die, Scarlett. You are having your hell now."

"Oh, Rhett, that's blasphemous!"

"But singularly comforting. Tell me, why are you going to hell?"

"For what we did, Rhett! You were right. I'm not a lady – a lady would never have done that!" Scarlett's eyes began to water as her guilt and exhaustion felt like heavy weights boring down on her. "How could I have gotten so swept up?"

"Well, I would like to think I had something to do with that," he tried to joke.

"Oh, you're such a cad – you don't even care that I'm upset! You got what you wanted," she said, angry at him for his part in the whole ordeal.

"Hush," he said, pulling a clean handkerchief from his pocket. "Wipe your face. There is no sense in your tearing yourself to pieces this way."

She took the handkerchief and wiped her damp cheeks, a little relief stealing over her as if she had shifted some of her burden to his broad shoulders. He looked so capable and calm, and even the slight twist of his mouth was comforting as though it proved her agony and confusion unwarranted.

"Feel better now? Then let's get to the bottom of this. You say if you had it to do over again, you'd do it differently. But would you? Think, now. Would you?"

"Well—"

"No, you'd do the same things again."

"I just couldn't help myself," she whispered her sin. "You're dangerous, Rhett. Just like everyone said."

He laughed heartily, enjoying her simplicity. "Is that so? Well, honey, if it makes you feel better to think that I manipulated you and forced myself upon you, then you can, but we both know that's not what happened." He put his arms around her, and she felt comforted and relieved for the first time in weeks.

"There's no shame in what we did. It was beautiful, and I won't have you thinking it was just a tawdry fling that didn't mean anything to me," he said strongly, placing a hand on her chin and forcing her to look at him.

Scarlett's eyes glistened with unshed tears, and her heart raced. He had to love her. Why else would he say such things? The excitement of being in his arms again and the relief of his reassuring words comforted her. She had made a mistake, yes, but it was a beautiful one that she could cherish for the rest of her life because unless he proposed, it would never happen again.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to call on me anymore, Rhett."

Startled, he held her closer, "What are you saying, Scarlett?"

She took a deep breath, then stepped out of his arms, "I can't trust myself when I'm near you. I get swept away and forget all about what's proper, and my reputation, and what my mother would think." She looked at him sadly, "I love you." She whispered, near tears, "but if you're not going to love me properly, then I would just assume you stay away, so I don't lose what little self-respect I have left."

Rhett wondered how he could be so elated when his heart felt like it was being stomped on. She loved him. Scarlett O'Hara loved him but didn't want to be near him.

"Please leave Rhett," she said, walking to the door.

Rhett followed her, and putting his hat on, he looked down at her, "This isn't the end, Scarlett."

"That's up to you, Rhett," she said, shutting the door in his face.