Kingdom Farce
A/N: Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you. Are you ready for a fic that's gonna BLOW YOUR MIND? Well you already know that answer and that's 'this isn't it'. This fanfic is filled with my own lame brand of humor, typical parody crap, and lots of other stuff that's typical of a fourteen-year-old girl to write about. You know. One who's not a fangirl. What? There's nobody like that anymore? Oh sorry. I guess I forgot.
!WARNING! The entire fanfic is not complete! I have about half of it written, and the rest is STILL floating around in my head. Like floaty stuff. Also, everybody is an idiot. That right! Even when you think they're smart, they're actually not! And this author's note is so long because it's going to be the ONLY one until the very end of the fic. So yeah.
Along with friendly reviews, I would also like criticism! Because that way, I know people are actually reading and not looking at it to see if I'll randomly put a 'bishounen' in it. Gosh. That would be rather silly of me!
And there's probably all sorts of context and spelling errors. Ah well, try to ignore those. But if you can't, just point them out so you can complain about something!
AND FINALLY, chapters will be released every Tuesday (I'll try to do that, anyway.) starting... now.
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Tired of all the crappy fanfics being produced right now in the KH section, the author writes something so immensley stupid and uncreative that perhaps she will inspire others to do the same.
In other words... she's writing a parody to Kingdom Hearts. Well, that's only been done a few-dozen times before, right? Hoho, yes indeedy.
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"I've been having all these weird thoughts lately...," thought/said Haley Joel Osment, aka Sora as he... fell. "Like, is any of this for real... or not?"
So Sora went about falling as if it wasn't a big deal, using up all of his air being dramatic and eventually sinking down so low into the ocean (yes, he was falling into the ocean, which is odd for he should have floated upwards after a few seconds) that the pressure would've made his brain explode inside of his skull before the bones caved in.
LUCKILY, none of that happened, as in a bright flash of light, he was standing on the beach. He shielded his eyes from the sun just as he spotted his bestest buddy in the whole wide world standing in the ocean, getting sand and water in his chaps. Haha, chaps. Sora smiled like a dumb-nut, then Riku turned around and held his hand out.
"I don't swing that way, sorry," Sora said.
"Just take my hand, fool!" spat Riku as a wave gobbled them both up and started to digest them. "Dammit, Sora!"
"Ooooh, you said a naughty word," giggled Sora as they were underwater. "I'm gonna tell your mom!"
"Wait no!" screamed Riku, but it was too late as Sora had been swept off, laughing about Riku's misfortune. I laugh too, Sora, I laugh too.
JUST as Sora thought he was going to drown (again, perhaps?), he stood up and shook the water off of him like a dog, then noticed his female friend Kairi standing on the beach.
"Sora!" she called, smiling widely. Then she waved like a knave.
Sora smiled and ran over to her, getting water on her.
"Ugh! My clothes I wear every day!" she gasped, looking down at her now-wet wardrobe. "Sora how could you?"
"Aww, you can't stay mad at me," Sora chuckled, smiling.
Kairi considered this, then smiled, too. "You're absolutely right!" Something in the sky caught her eye, however, and she looked up.
Sora turned around and looked into the sky as well, nearly blinding himself by looking directly into the sun. "Oh, hey! That mysterious falling figure looks suspiciously like me. Who'd have thunk?"
"Not me," giggled Kairi.
But by looking at himself falling, Sora created a freak paradox and started falling himself! Out of the sky which was the ground no less, and then into the sea. Then he started this whole thing over again.
Not really.
Instead, as Kairi and Sora called out to each other in despair and reached to each other, Sora fell into the sea and started sinking like the Mafia attached a rock to his ankles. Only he was going head-first.
Finally after like, thirty more seconds, he landed on a weird platform thingy-doodle and looked around. Nothing but complete darkness (although there was a faint green glow, since this was the sea and all... or WAS IT?), until he stepped forward and a bunch of doves flew up out of the ground (wtf) and flocked away whilst uncovering a large stained-glass portrait of Snow White and her Seven Dwarf Friends.
"So much to do, so little time," said Mysterious Voice, aka... BOB. "Take your time. Don't be afraid. The door is still shut. Now, step forward. Can you do it?"
"Door? Time? What are you talking about?" Sora asked, looking around. But while doing so he took another step forward and Bob directed him once more:
"If you give it form..." continued Bob as three pedestals appeared--one with a shield, one with a sword, and one with a staff--in the middle of the platform, "It will give you strength. Choose well."
Of course every fourteen-year-old wants power, so he chose the sword.
"The power of the warrior. Invincible courage. A sword of--"
"Look, I'm fourteen, my attention span is shorter than that of a small rodent's," Sora said, impatient. "So if you're just going to babble please do it while I'm not trying to do stuff, okay?"
"Fine then, you shall give up the power of the mage so nyah," said Bob.
"Pfft, everybody knows mages are the weakest things ever," Sora said as if he knew.
"Yes, but your magic stats will be horrible later on," Bob pointed out, "that and you'll have to pretty much rely on a mage to heal your sorry ass every time you almost die."
"What about potions?"
"Oooh, potions, yeah those'll be useful when the terrible creatures of death and destruction are feasting on your innards. At least mages can cast Life and AutoLife."
Sora narrowed his eyes. "You've won this time, Mysterious Voice nobody but I can hear! But you'll get yours yet!" He shook a fist in anger at Bob as the staff disappeared from the adjacent pedestal and suddenly all three collapsed in upon themselves and the Snow White platform shattered into a million pieces. Somehow Sora wasn't hit by any of these and he avoided a horribly bloody and painful death. Yay! As he fell yet again, he landed on a Cinderella platform.
"You've gained the power to fight," said Bob. "Give it a try."
Sora swung the sword, almost chopping his own head off.
"All right! You've got it," said Bob. "Use this power to protect yourself and others."
Suddenly, a group of buggy-type things appeared, all pitch black with glowing yellow eyes. Sora reeled back, disgusted.
"EEEEEW what're those?"
"There will be times when you have to fight," Bob rambled, completely ignoring Sora. "Keep your light burning strong."
Sora killed one dead, and as it exploded into life-regenerating green balls of health, the others disappeared like wimps. The boy looked around like a fool child, only to have Bob cry, "Behind you!" and have the buggy-type things gang up on him. As Sora killed them all mercilessly, he was sucked up by a vortex.
When he woke up, he was on another platform. Only this one didn't have any select princess on it. Ho-hum.
A large, intricately-designed door was just sitting in the middle of the platform, being a door. Sora approached it, then tugged on the handles.
I can't open it, he thought. Then something made him look to the side, where there was a treasure chest. His eyes lit up, and he ran over to it, tapping it with the sword. Somehow it opened, but nothing came out. "Darn it!"
But as he turned back around he noticed a large crate, which Bob instructed him to push. After doing that he got bored and decided to kill it, subsequently gaining a splinter and almost sending a large piece of wood through his heart. Then a barrel was beamed down by Scotty and Sora picked it up like a fool child and carried it around until he got bored again and threw it away.
So he went back to the door, only to find that it had opened. And as he entered the light, Bob told him this:
"Hold on. The door won't open just yet. First, tell me more about yourself."
In a bright flash of light, Sora was on his island home. Not really. It was just an island not-too-far from his real island home.
For some reason Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie were standing/sitting in various places.
He walked up to Tidus first.
"What are you so afraid of?" asked Tidus.
"Getting old," said Sora bitterly, remembering how his grandfather had beat him so when he'd thought Sora was a thief trying to sneak into his house when he'd only come over to help his grandmother bake cookies. But those were memories long past. He just had to let go.
Then he walked up to Wakka.
"What do you want outta life?" asked Wakka.
"To see rare sights," Sora said, thinking fondly of Niagara Falls and Ol' Faithful. "Oh, wait... wrong world."
Lastly, he walked up to Selphie.
"What's most important to you?" asked she.
"Being number one," Sora said, putting his hands on his hips like a sissy girl. Or Riku, whatever. They're kind of interchangeable.
"You're afraid of getting old. You want to see rare sights. You want to be number one. Your adventure begins at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be a pleasant one."
"Don't repeat what I just found out," Sora said. "It's anno--OOOH, what's that?" He ambled over to the growing pit of darkness, until he was consumed by it and blacked out.
"The day you will open the door is both far off and very near," said Bob as though nothing just happened.
Sora woke up on a stained-glass portrait of Aurora aka Sleeping Beauty which hardly anybody has heard of. That was a good movie, too... and a fun fairy tale.
Well anyway, Sora walked up to the mysterious beam of light that was descending from the sky and, as he did so, a group of those buggy-type things appeared out of nowhere. Even though they outnumbered him by eight-to-one, they were laughably weak. Haha, see I'm laughing at them because they're so weak. Anyway, he was explained to about what a Save Point was, saved his game (wtf), then ran up a diagonal set of stained-glass platforms, all the way up to a picture of Beauty and the Beast. Aka Belle and the Prince Who Has Yet to be Named. Probably Pierre or something French.
"Ooooh, pretty light," said Sora, walking toward the bright light in the middle of the platform.
"The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes," said Bob out of nowhere. Sora looked behind him, only to see that Bob's words were true and his shadow was slowly becoming some kind of monstrosity. "But don't be afraid. And don't forget..."
Sora ran towards the end of the platform, but alas, there was nothing but oblivion below and therefore he could not escape his inevitable doom. Luckily he was able to beat the monster by some sort of freak stroke of luck (thus the luckily up there). Unluckily he was sucked into another vortex in the ground.
"Will this never end?" he asked God, but God frowned upon him and did not answer. Instead, the angelic choir began to get louder as the drama increased.
"But don't be afraid. You hold the mightiest weapon of all."
"Curse you voooooooiiiiice!"
"So don't forget: You are the one who will open the door."
Then everything went dark.
Then everything went undark as Sora woke up, rubbed his eyes of sleep, and yawned, looking at the ocean in front of him. Deciding that it was too peaceful to be awake, he ignored the sand in his pants and dropped back down onto his back, only to be scared by the fact that his aforementioned female friend was looming over him like a... like a... looming... thing... yeah.
"Whoa!" he said, nearly jumping out of his little red jumpsuit. Kairi just giggled at him. "Gimme a break, Kairi..."
"Sora, you lazy bum," said Kairi, "I knew I'd find you snoozing down here."
Sora gasped, his eyes wide. "Get out of my mind!" he said, hitting his head against the sandy shore.
Kairi took a step back. "Whoa, whoa, Sora! I'm not in your mind," she said. "I just figured you'd be here because this is where you usually come on weekends..."
"So it wasn't some weird mutant mind-reading power?"
"Nah. Something more like... 'woman's intuition'," Kairi said, giggling again. "Anyway, why did you seem so spooked when I came here?"
"Oh, I can't BEGIN to explain!" Sora said, waving his arms in the air. "There was this big..." He trailed off. "Oh! Nope, it's gone."
"Are you still dreaming?" Kairi asked, giving him a weird look.
"No," said Sora, pouting. "Or... was I? I don't know... I'm so confused..."
"You're probably just tired, sleepy-head," Kairi giggled.
"Say, Kairi, what was your hometown like?" Sora asked out of the blue. I mean, really, that was way out there. "You know, where you grew up."
"How many times do I have to tell you, Sora?" the girl said, looking at the clear blue ocean. "I don't remember."
"...Nothing?" Sora tried.
"Nothing," Kairi said, smiling for some reason. "But I'm happy here. I don't think I'd want to go back unless I could, but that would be out of curiosity more than anything really..."
"Sounds fun!" Sora said. "When we get off this island, we'll have to go see it."
"Well then what are we waiting for?" Kairi said, turning around with a big smile on her face.
"Hey, aren't you forgetting about me?" asked Riku.
"No," Sora said like a smart-aleck, crossing his arms.
Riku chose to ignore that and walked over to the two, tossing a log at Sora and missing the younger boy's head by mere inches. Kairi laughed at Sora's misfortune.
"Don't tell me I'm the only one working on the raft..." he said. "So Kairi, you're just as lazy as he is."
"So you noticed," Kairi said. "Okay, we'll finish it together!" Just as Riku sat down and both he and Sora looked unenthusiastic, she said, "I'll race you."
"I just woke up," Sora said quickly.
"And I'm tired from doing all the manual labor," said Riku. "(coughlazyassfoolscough)"
"What was that?" Sora asked, looking confused.
"Oh... nothing..."
"Ready? GO!" Kairi said regardless, pointing foreward.
Riku and Sora glanced at each other before both leapt up and ran as hard as they could, both looking ready to kill. Kairi trailed behind, giggling and having the time of her life.
Kingdom Farce
"So, can you gather the rest of the supplies?" Kairi asked Sora, who were both standing in front of a door to another part of the island. She noticed he was looking blankly at something, so she gave him a suspicious look and asked, "Are you even listening to me?"
Sora looked at Kairi's face with a start. "Yes! Yes I did," he said, "I wasn't looking at your boobs."
"Okay," Kairi said, totally buying it. "Go find two logs, a cloth, and a rope. Bring everything back here when you're done. You got all that? Just ask me again if you have trouble remembering."
As she said this, Sora started swinging his wooden sword at a butterfly that was flying nearby. She sighed, shaking her head in disappointment.
Sora then went on his merry way to go and have a fun-good time on the island. Oh right.
Destiny Islands
Sora then went on his merry way to go and have a fun-good time on the island. First he decided to talk with his other buddies, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka.
"Isn't the sea romantic?" Selphie sighed, tilting her head slightly as she gazed at the horizon. "It would be so nice to be on a boat in the evening..."
Sora stared at her for a moment, then shrugged and ran off to go talk to Tidus. But before he actually talked to Tidus, he noticed a rope coiled up nearby, and decided to pick it up and shoved it in his pocket should he need it later.
Then he talked with Tidus: "You feeling lucky today?" asked Tidus, randomly swinging a big stick around.
Sora, oblivious to the other boy, romped off to fight with that butterfly from earlier that had now been bothering him for the last five minutes. While he was passing by a large, hollowed-out tree, he found a cloth hanging from the wall at random. He then pulled out the list that had been imprinted in his memory, despite his selective hearing:
"What would Kairi need with a set of spoons?" Sora asked himself, confused. He scratched his head. "Or a new pair of shoes? Or was that Mom? Eeeeh, whatever." So he shrugged and continued on his way, and happened to come across...
"Hello, Sora... mon," said Wakka. "Good tidings to you, ya?"
"Don't talk to me, lame-wad," Sora scoffed, walking past and picking up a log. Then he gave Wakka a glare for good measure, pointed is nose into the air, and stomped off.
He dropped it all off at Kairi's feet (including the spoons and a pair of shoes, which he'd stolen from Selphie). "Here it is, Kairi!"
Kairi looked it over briefly, a finger to her chin. "Ummm... I think you forgot a log," she said. "And why do you have a whole box of spoons? What? 'Highwind'?"
Meanwhile...
Kain, Richard, and Cid all sat down to a breakfast of oatmeal.
Kain lifted up the table mats, then looked around the room. "Wherever are the spoons?"
"Beats me," said Cid, shrugging.
"Oh yeah, that kid with the hair came in earlier and took them," Richard said.
Kain sighed. "And when were you going to tell me this?"
"I have a life of my own, you know!" Richard promptly stomped off.
Un-meanwhile...
"Well it is what you wanted me to get, right?" Sora said.
"...Sora. Listen to me. I never told you to get spoons. Or ones belonging to the Highwinds, definitely not."
"Well I'm not taking them back now."
"...Are those Selphie's shoes?"
"Does it matter?"
"And you're missing a log, too," Kairi said, putting her hands behind her back. "I think Riku stole the one he gave to you earlier out of spite and bitterness towards you."
"I imagine he did," said Sora, his eyes narrowed.
"So could you go get it for the raft?"
"Of course!" With that, Sora ran off to go retrieve the log from his buddy. "Hey, Riku, can you lend a log?"
"Can I?" Riku asked, trying to act mysterious.
Sora was silent.
Riku was silent.
"...Yes," said the younger boy after he was silent.
"It's right there. Nobody's stopping you from just taking it," Riku said.
Sora was silent.
Riku was silent.
Sora was silent.
"Are you going to take it?"
"I'll take it when I'm good and ready to."
"All right."
"Okay."
"Fine."
"Fine..."
"Have it your way."
"I will." Sora took the log, walking off.
Riku stared after him.
"I got the log, Kairi!" said Sora, noticing that Selphie was angrily stomping away with her shoes in hand. "Anything else?"
"Nah, not today," Kairi said, yawning. "You sure did a lot of hard work, Sora. Want to call it a day?"
"And who are you to ask me this?" Sora said, crossing his arms.
"I'm just asking," said the girl. "Lighten up, Sora."
"Well let me tell you--" started Sora, but he was interrupted as he yawned. "--I don't get tired just from a long day of back-breaking labor. But it is getting late..."
A few minutes later...
Sora and Kairi sat on that bended tree and Riku leaned against it, the three of them looking off into the sunset.
"So, Kairi's home is out there somewhere..." Sora said. "Right?"
"It could be," said Riku. "We'll never know until we look."
"But how far could a raft take us?"
"What kind of a question is that?" Riku asked, looking annoyed. "Do you think I could possibly know the answer to that?"
"It was your idea, Riku," Kairi reminded him.
"Kairi holds a good point," Sora said, looking thoughtful.
"Well do you guys have any better ideas?" Riku said. When they didn't answer, he said, "That's what I thought. My superior fifteen-year-old brain has come up with a solution to our isolation problem that you two could never have possibly thought of."
The trio was silent.
"I resent that," Sora said, sounding bitter.
The trio was silent again.
"But suppose there are other worlds out there," Riku said, quickly changing the subject. "I mean, how come we ended up on this island? The way I see it, we could've just as easily ended up somewhere else in the universe."
"You've been thinking a lot lately, haven't you?" sayeth Kairi.
"Thanks to you," Riku said, obviously coming on to her. "If you hadn't shown up here, I never would've started making my brain do the words with the pictures in my head."
"Think?"
"Yeah, that."
Sora yawned loudly. "WELL, I think we should be getting home, right guys?"
Riku narrowed his eyes at him.
"Good idea, Sora," said Kairi. "We'll need to get plenty of rest for the next few days if we're going to be awake enough not to get eaten by sharks!" With that, she and Sora hopped off the tree, Riku following shortly.
"Hey Sora!" Riku called. Sora turned around, just as a paopu fruit was going to decapitate him.
"Whoa!" yelped Sora. "A paopu fruit?"
"You said you wanted one," Riku said, walking up to him. "If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each others lives, no matter what. C'mon, I know you want to try it."
"Dude, I already told you: I don't swing that way!"
"...What?"
"Oh wait, that was in my dream," Sora said quietly.
Riku stared at him for a moment, then shook his head and walked off. Sora glanced back at the paopu fruit then dropped it like a hot potato and ran to catch up with his friends.
Meanwhile...
Donald Duck walked through the majestic, marble hallway, stopping at a rather large door. He cleared his throat, then walked through a Donald Duck-sized door that seemed to just pop out of the larger one.
He drew himself up, looking proud. "Good morning, Your Majesty!" he said in greeting. "It's nice to see you this fine mor..." He opened his eyes, noticing that his little king was not on his big throne. His eyes bugged out. "WHAT?"
Pluto suddenly came out from behind the throne, holding a letter with a wax seal shaped like Mickey's head. The shameless little jerk.
Donald took the letter and started reading. He looked up, gagging, then read it again.
The pleasant and quiet hall outside was suddenly turned into a chaotic mess as Donald, screaming, ran through, making several brooms tumble over the sides of the railings and to their dooms below.
Goofy was enjoying the peace--it was in the morning that Donald bothered him the least. However, that was not the case today for he was suddenly zapped awake by about 10,000 volts of electricity sent through his body. Since he was a cartoon character, all he felt was a little sting, but it was enough to wake him up.
"YOW!" he yelped, sitting up quickly.
Donald looked ready to kill. He held his staff in one hand, and a wadded-up ball of paper in his other. He was panting like a lunatic, a dangerous glint in his eyes.
"G'mornin', Donald!" said Goofy cheerfully, waving as though nothing had happened.
"DON'T YOU 'G'MORNIN'' ME, MISTER!" Donald yelled, throwing down his staff and stomping it into the ground. "We've got serious business afoot! And it's so serious that we can't tell ANYBODY about it!"
Goofy blinked. "Queen Minnie?"
"No, not the queen, you big palooka," said Donald, the author embarrassed that she had to resort to that kind of insult. "I said it's so serious that we can't tell anybody."
"Daisy?"
"DEFINITELY not Daisy!" Donald said, starting to feel light-headed from the stress. "Must I repeat myself more than twice?"
"G'mornin', ladies!" Goofy said, smiling and waving again.
Donald stopped breathing and nearly suffered a heart attack as he turned around, seeing that Queen Minnie and his girlfriend Daisy were standing there.
"You can't tell us what?" Minnie asked, blinking as Daisy put her hands on her hips authoritatively.
Donald tugged on his collar nervously.
Meanwhile...
Sora walked into the cove of the island, and spotted Riku not too far away.
"Hey, Sora, does 'Highwind' sound good for the name of the raft?" Riku asked as if he cared about Sora's opinion.
"Naw, I think 'S.S. Winno' would be better," said Sora, scoffing at the prospect of naming a ship 'Highwind'. Who would do such a thing?
"...I don't think so."
"Well I do so nyah!" Sora said.
"Are you lookin' for a fight?"
"MAYBE."
"Then let's take this outside!"
"We ARE outside!"
"Are you two at it again?" Kairi asked, giggling and walking up to them. "All right, I'll be the judge. The usual rules apply: Take any route you want. The first one to tag that tree and make it back wins!"
"If I win, I get to be captain," said Sora, being greedy. "And, if you win..."
"Then I get to share a paopu fruit with Kairi," Riku finished his sentence for him, albeit making the younger boy look distressed.
"Wait, what?" he said in a high-pitched voice.
"You heard me. The winner gets to share a paopu fruit with Kairi."
"Oh, you two," giggled Kairi, looking at her shoes and smiling. "Okay. On my mark..."
"GO!"
Sora and Riku bolted off, running towards a tower. At the last second, Sora ran to his right, as Riku climbed up the ladder to the top of the tower.
"Yoink!" Sora said, laughing as Riku shook his fist in anger at Sora.
"I'll get you yet, Sora!"
So the race continued and eventually neither won.
"What? Hey, that's no fair!" said Sora.
"Well I guess you two will just have to share the paopu fruit yourselves," Kairi said, shrugging. "I couldn't possibly choose between the two of you. Besides, you two want to be friends forever, right?"
Riku and Sora looked each other over, then looked away, groaning and looking disgusted.
Kairi walked back to the raft, and Sora approached.
"Today we collect provisions for our trip," Kairi said, smiling widely. "And guess who has to collect them...?" she said in a sing-song voice.
"...Me?" Sora guessed.
"Yes! Well today you're looking for one seagull egg, three mushrooms, two coconuts, and three fish. And fill this up with some water--but not from the ocean, lest you want us to be poisoned."
She handed him a canteen.
He looked at it, then looked at her. "And you think this will sustain us for, oh, two-to-three weeks?"
"Or however long we're traveling," Kairi said, shrugging. "Don't ask me, it was Riku's idea."
"Riku..." growled Sora, his eyes narrowed again. He brightened up immediately. "Well I'll be back in a while!"
So he got everything he needed, until he found out that he was one mushroom short of three. Oh hey...
"Wakka, do you have any enlightenments for me on this fine morn?"
"Ummm... Hey, today Tidus and I are going to the Secret Place, ya?" said Wakka. "Don't look too hard at the drawings, though, they'll give away the game. And there's all kinds of fungus growing in the corners, ya?"
"You are a godsend," sighed Sora, walking off to the Secret Place's entrance and crawling through. He ran to the end of the small cave, where a mysterious door was (wtf), and found a mushroom just sitting there.
Then he spotted a picture he'd drawn some years before, and he had a flashback:
Little Sora and Little Kairi were sitting on their knees in the Secret Place, both drawing on the wall. When they were finished, they looked at each others' 'master-pieces'. Kairi's looked very similar to how Sora looked, but Sora's wasn't that... good.
"Is that supposed to be me?" asked Kairi, giggling.
"Hey, hey, I don't have the best talents, but at least it's not conceited like Riku's," Sora said, pointing at the rock on the opposite side of the cave that had Riku's face on it. It was a rather large drawing...
"True..."
So now Sora sat, drawing on the wall once more. He looked at his work: He'd drawn some kind of line connected to a star-shaped thing. Oh, wait, it's an arm, that's right.
As he turned around, he noticed the faint outline of a man in a black cloak standing there. "Who are you?" he asked, surprised.
"I've come to see this world," said the man.
"Huh?"
"This world has been connected."
"Huh?"
"Tied to the darkness...soon to be completely eclipsed."
"Huh?"
"You do not yet know what lies beyond the door."
"Huh?"
"There is so much to learn. You understand so little."
"Huh?"
"A meaningless effort. One who knows nothing can understand nothing."
"...HUH?" Sora looked to the door, then to the man. BUT HE WAS GONE. "That was weird." He stood there for a minute before shrugging and skipping off.
A few minutes later...
"Watcha makin' Kairi?" Sora asked, looking at the half-completed ring of seashells.
"This?" she asked, looking at it thoughtfully. "I'm making a necklace of thalassa shells. In the old days, sailors always wore thalassa shells. They were supposed to ensure a safe voyage." She tucked the necklace away in some pocket somewhere.
"That was a neat little fun-fact," Sora commented.
"Yeah... Well anyway, did you get everything we needed?" Sora dumped the provisions at her feet. "Thanks! So d'you think we should go back home now?"
"It's like... noon," Sora said.
A few minutes later...
Sora and Kairi were sitting on a dock together, both silhouetted by the sunset.
Kairi, looking at her feet dangling off the edge, thoughtfully said, "You know, Riku has changed..."
"What do you mean?" Sora asked.
"Well..." she sighed, looking a little bothered by something.
"Are you all right?" Sora asked, trying to see her expression.
She stood up. "Sora, let's take the raft and go--just the two of us!" she said, clasping her hands together and smiling at the sea.
"HUH?" Sora said, his eyes wide.
"Just kidding," said Kairi, blushing a little.
"Kairi, what's gotten into you?"
Hormones, Kairi thought bitterly.
"You're the one who's changed, Kairi," Sora chuckled.
"Yeah, right... You know, at first I was a little afraid... but now that I'm sure I can always come back here, I'm not anymore, you know?"
"Actually, we've got a small raft that's supposed to support the three of us for the next however many weeks, we've only got a small amount of food and water, and, frankly, being stuck on a raft with Riku for an extended period of time would probably be unhealthy for both of us, physically, mentally, and emotionally," Sora pointed out. "And if Riku's our navigator, then we sure ain't ever gonna see this place again."
Kairi thought about this. "You know, I never looked at it that way before..."
Sora smirked. "Riku's not the only one who's been thinking, Kairi."
"I can tell!"
They both laughed heartilly for a few minutes, before just looking out at the sunset again.
"Well, if we come back here by a freak accident... we can always come back, right?"
"Yeah, of course!"
Kairi smiled again. "That's great... Sora, don't ever change."
"Huh?"
"I just can't wait! I can't wait until we set sail..."
"Why?"
"..."
Meanwhile...
Donald,
Sorry to leave you hanging like that, but this has just been bothering me for the longest time. Y'see, the stars have been blinking out, one by one. Now that just don't seem too right to me. So I've gone to go find out what all the hub-bub is about, and I may not be back for a while. There's someone with a 'key'--the key to our survival. Go talk to Leon in Traverse Town, he can fill you in on the rest.
Best Regards,
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
P.S. Could you apologize to Minnie for me? I know how cranky she gets if she's not formally asked for forgiveness...
"Good Lord," groaned Minnie. "I guess we'll just have to trust him on this one. If we don't it could mean all of our jobs go down the drain..."
"Gawrsh, I sure hope he's all right," Goofy said, scratching his head.
"Your Highness, don't worry about anything! We'll find the king and this 'key'!" Donald reassured her confidently.
"Thank you both so much," said Minnie, looking close to tears and still keeping her Disney-patented smile plastered on her face.
Donald turned to his girlfriend. "Daisy, can you take care of--"
"Of course. Now you two get going!"
"Oh, right. And to chronicle your travels, he'll be tagging along." She motioned to the King's royal table.
"...No offense, Queen Minnie, but there's nobody there," Goofy said. "A-hyuck!"
"Look closely and you shall see," Minnie said mysteriously, waving her hands around.
"Over here!" said Jiminy Cricket.
"Well I'll be darned," Donald said. "It's that guy from that one thing about the puppet."
"You mean Jiminy Cricket?" Jiminy said, chuckling and taking a bow, removing his hat. "Yes, it's me--Pinoch's conscious."
"You look familiar. Weren't you a rapper for a while...?"
Jiminy tugged at his collar nervously. "Look, uhh, we've got no time to discuss things like that, we've gotta save the King!"
"No, I'm sure you were!"
"Look," sighed Jiminy, "I recorded some songs that I'm... not too... proud... of, but those things are in the past! With my unbiased opinion, we should be chronicling our adventures in neither a liberal or conservative way!"
"We hope for your safe return," said Daisy. "Now go find the King!"
"You can count on us!" Donald said, saluting each Minnie, Daisy, and Goofy individually. Donald squawked and grabbed Goofy's arm. "You're coming, too!"
A few minutes later...
"Gawrsh, Jiminy, your world disappeared too?" Goofy asked. As an afterthought, he said, "A-hyuck!" The three were walking down the stairs to the Gummi Garage.
"It was horrible... we were scattered... I'm still traumatized, you know. As far as I can see, I'm the only one who survived by leeching off another world..."
"What was that?"
"I'm the only one who survived by coming to this castle."
"Goofy?" asked Donald.
"Right... I gotcha. While we're in other worlds, we can't let on where we're from! Gotsta protect the World Border."
"That's World Order, you baffoon."
"Gawrsh, that's what I said, Donald."
"..." Donald turned to a communication pipe. "Hey, guys! Get the Gummi Ship ready for launch."
Chip and Dale saluted the two.
"Gawrsh, when we get there, we'll need some new duds, right?"
"Shut up and let me handle it."
The duo (Jiminy doesn't count) boarded the Gummi Ship, a proud vessel that looked like it stepped right out of Little Einsteins.
"Ready whenever you are," Donald said after strapping into his seat.
The music picked up and the drama was at its peak, just as the ship sputtered and fell into a tunnel below. It shot through the world, until it was spat out the bottom and regained its balance and started puttering off.
Donald gripped his heart. "Oh... my... goodness..."
"That was fun!" said Goofy, laughing. "We should do it again, a-hyuck!"
Meanwhile...
Sora stared at his ceiling in thought, laying on his bed at about seven in the evening.
I just can't wait! I can't wait to set sail...
He sat up in his bed, noticing the dark clouds outside. "A storm?" He gasped. "Oh no! The raft!" He climbed out his window.
"Sora, time for dinner!" said Sora's mom, calling up the stairs. "Sora? Are you in there?" She walked in and gasped, irate. "That's the last time I leave his windows unlocked..."
As he reached the smaller island, he noticed Riku and Kairi's boats, already docked. "What the? Darn, I'm the last for everything!"
Sora ignored the little buggy-things that chased him, going to where Riku was standing, looking at the churning sea from the little chunk of land he was always on.
"Riku!" said Sora. "Where's Kairi?" He looked around, still ignoring the shadows. "I thought she was with you!"
"The door has opened..." said Riku quietly.
"Huh? Speak up!"
"The door has opened, Sora!" said Riku, turning around. He had a crazed spark in his eye. Who does that remind you of? "We're free to leave the island at last."
"What? What are you talking about you crazy?" Sora started backing away nervously, shifting his eyes. "We've gotta find Kairi!"
"Kairi's coming with us," Riku assured him, smirking. "Once we leave, we may never see our home or our parents again... But there's always some risk involved, right? So come on, we can do it now." He held out his hand. "We can't be afraid of the darkness!"
"Stop making me try to hold your hand, you girly-girl," Sora spat, and Riku flinched.
And then they were both swallowed by darkness.
"Keyblade... Keyblade..." said Bob as Sora found himself standing on the little chunk of land again, holding a giant key. Sora stared at it.
"Oh my God!" he said. "A nickel!" He leaned over and picked it up, smiling.
He turned to where there was a white door jutting from the spot where the Secret Place was. He ran over to it, yet again not noticing the shadows following him and even leaping at him. He threw the doors open, sprinted through the cave, and stopped as he spotted Kairi standing at the end, looking at the door at the end of the tunnel.
"Kairi!" said Sora.
She turned around, looking dazed. "So...ra?" she asked, blinking.
"Kairi! Are you okay?" he asked.
The door opened, and a dark wind lifted Kairi off her feet and sent her flying. Sora tried to catch her, but she faded away right before they were going to collide, and then Sora was swept out of the cave.
The gigantic monster from Sora's dream loomed over him, looking bitter and spiteful. Sora shifted nervously, looking around to see that there was a large black vortex spinning over the chunk of rubble that had once been his island home.
"NOOOOOO!" he shouted, falling to his knees. "You've destroyed it all! Darn you! Darn you to heck!" He beat the ground with his fist in despair.
As the shadow-monster was about to scoop him up and eat him, Sora wacked it in the finger with the Keyblade. It whimpered and held its finger in pain.
"Aww, I'm sorry," Sora said, as the thing cried. "I didn't mean to hurt you..." He patted its foot with his free hand. "Are you gonna be okay?"
It whimpered again, nodding.
"Oh that's great because EAT GIANT KEY!" Sora yelled, breaking into a mighty Xena battlecry and leaping at its head, hitting it.
Unfortunately, this only angered it and he was swatted out of the air.
"Argh!"
Just as Sora was going to be stomped on, the game felt it should intervene and interrupted by having the angelic choir start up. The shadow fell off the piece of debris and Sora was sucked into the vortex.
TO BE CONTINUED!