Chapter eighteen: Shippo's decision

"Do you also want to go to that place, Kirara? If you wanted to, it'd be okay, I wouldn't stop you," Sango said unconvincingly, but the tiny neko sitting on her shoulder mewed and licked Sango's nose.

"I knew you wouldn't abandon me." She smiled and caressed Kirara's ear kindly.

Sango looked up, shielding her eyes from the sun. Midday was close and still there was no trace of Shippo in the meeting place. It gave her hopes, and that made her feel guilty because she knew she was being selfish. But for Kami, she didn't want to lose him.

"I knew you'd be here." A male voice interrupted her reverie, but she was glad to hear it, it gave her some kind of comfort.

"Hi, Inuyasha."

He stood by her side, his arms crossed as his eyes also checked the sun.

"It's almost time," he pointed out.

"I know."

"Don't do anything to stop him," he said in a neutral voice. "Don't make it harder on him than it already is."

"You speak as if you are sure he'll leave." She regarded him with an upset gesture. In that moment, Shigoru and his family appeared and stood opposite to them. Kirara jumped to the floor, alert, as if she knew her mistress wasn't too happy to see the four kitsune, which was right. Sango knew they were Shippo's relatives and that they didn't mean any harm, on the contrary. But still, Sango couldn't help feeling resentful toward them. Coming all the sudden and wanting to take him away from her… the nerve of them!

"Greetings," Shigoru addressed them. Sango bowed slightly but didn't make any attempt to converse; her mouth felt dry and her mind, numb.

"Nice weather," commented Hideki while his fox like foot tapped the ground nervously.

"Yeah." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, his arms didn't leave his chest.

Karumi felt the sudden tension in the air and cleared her throat. "Inuyasha-san, Sango-san, we just want you to know how much we appreciate what you have done for my nephew," she said.

"It—it was nothing, it was a pleasure," responded Sango with sincerity.

Inuyasha took a step closer and asked with some anxiety, "Shigoru, there's something I've wanting to ask you."

"What is it, Inuyasha-san?" Shigoru made emphasis in the 'san', as if remarking how he talked respectfully to this bad-mannered ningen, and he wanted to be treated equally. Of course, Inuyasha didn't notice.

"I've been wondering, what will happen with all hanyou? Are they allowed to go to this other realm you're talking about?"

Shigoru looked at his wife, surprised by the question, and then he answered, a hand under his chin and his brow furrowed in thoughts. "Certainly they can reach this place, as long as they have youkai blood, but I don't think most will go. I doubt they could survive there, with so many who hate them and who would murder them without hesitation because of their human blood, but I know they aren't very welcome by ningen either… it's a difficult situation for them, there's no doubt. I wouldn't like to be in their places. Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious," he answered and said nothing more. Sango reached for him and stroked his back with the lightest touch.

The subsequent silence was awkward as they waited for the sun to be up in the sky. Sango's hopes went higher when the solar disc crowned at last the blue sky, and then, it started its way west.

"I guess Shippo made his choice," Shigoru gave a deep, sad breath. His family looked distressed. "If that's what he wants then please, tell him we love him and… well, take good care of him."

After those words, he and the others turned their backs and started walking. Sango could feel her face breaking in the biggest smile, but tried to conceal her happiness, and then, it all crumbled down…

"Uncle Shigoru…" A voice made them stop and Sango's heart dropped to her stomach.

No, no Shippo, don't come, please, stay, stay, she repeated like a mantra.

Shigoru turned to find Shippo there, with his furoshiki over his shoulders. The youkai smiled.

"Shippo…" Sango gave a step toward him but Inuyasha put his arm in front of her, preventing her from advancing further.

Shippo walked to Shigoru and said, "I decided to go with you."

A still moment fell upon them all at his words and then, smiles and cheers exploded among the kitsune. Sango wanted to share their happiness, she wanted to show she wasn't egoist, but she felt as if her chest had been ripped apart. Her knees trembled and for a moment she thought she was about to fall down, but Inuyasha took her by her shoulder. In the meantime the kitsune kept patting Shippo's back and ruffling his hair.

Anyway, Sango had to abandon the momentary support and disguise her weakness, because Shippo walked to them with a bowed head. She couldn't show him how much his decision had affected her. She couldn't do that to him.

"Sango, Inuyasha… Please, don't think I'm ungrateful… You have been like my family all this time, but… but uncle Shigoru is right… I can't stay. P-people fear me, even children who have grown up with me… they no longer come near me… nobody does but you. I already said good bye to Kaede-baachan and… and I'm sorry… I wish I could stay," he burst out, anxious. His hands squirmed nonstop and his eyes wouldn't meet anyone.

Inuyasha nodded and placed his hand over Shippo's head and he looked up, surprised. Inuyasha had never done that.

"I understand, believe me. Take care of yourself, squirt."

Shippo smiled, knowing it had been a caring word, for Inuyasha's standards. Then, he turned to Sango.

"You hate me. Don't you, Sango?" the shake in his voice betrayed him and his green eyes started to water while the corners of his mouth went downwards inevitably.

Sango hugged him as hard as she could and a single tear ran down her cheek. "No silly, I could never hate you. I love you!"

She let go of him and passed her sleeve over her eyes. He did the same. "Be good, alright? Don't forget me…"

"I won't, neither do you." He looked at the well's shrine. "If Kagome ever comes back, tell her I missed her a lot and that I'll always think of her."

"Oh, Shippo!" Again, Sango hugged him, then she combed his hair and looked at his face, as if trying to memorize that special twinkle that belonged to Shippo's mischievous eyes only.

"Do you have all your things? Your clothes?" she said.

"Yes."

"And are you taking your calligraphy? Remember you have to keep studying your kanji."

"I do."

"And remember crab makes you a little sick."

"Ok."

"And don't—" But Sango interrupted her advice as a hand touched her forearm. She turned to see Inuyasha looking at her with patient, but firm eyes.

That's enough, let him go. She understood perfectly his message and with a sigh, she hugged Shippo one last time and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

"Good bye, Inuyasha, Sango, thank you so much for everything."

"Good bye, Shippo," Inuyasha answered.

"Bye…" Sango's voice trembled a little, but she tried to smile.

Kirara, who had been observing, appeared to understand the situation and approached Shippo, passing her tails over his legs and mewing sadly when Shippo caressed her back affectionately.

"Farewell, Sango-san, Inuyasha-san," Shigoru bowed to them and waited for Shippo to catch up with them. When he did so, the all started walking down the pathway.

Shippo turned his head back and waved at Inuyasha and Sango over and over until he grew so small that they weren't able to tell if he kept turning, but Sango wanted to think he did.

"He'll be okay," Inuyasha said after they remained silent for some minutes, but he received no answer. He gazed at Sango, whose head was bowed, her hair obscured her face.

"Sango, it's better this way," he tried to reassure her, although he also felt an aching empty feeling in his stomach.

She just stayed there, but Inuyasha could clearly see how her shoulders started shaking with each quiet gasp that reached his ears. The hole ached even more at the sound of her muffled cries.

Inuyasha then did the only thing he could think of; he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and brought her to his chest, where she buried her face and started sobbing uncontrollably. He just held her there as her tears soaked his white and blue juban and reached his skin.

"Shhh… it's alright," he soothed her, stroking her soft hair, waiting for her sobs to subside.

"Everyone leaves me," she whispered after a while, once she had stopped crying. Her head rested on his chest, her eyes astray, his arms still firm around her petite form.

"Father… Kohaku, my Houshi-Sama, Kagome and now… Shippo. I'll end up alone," she ended her sentence with a long, hopeless sigh.

"Hey, I'm still around. Ain't I?" he said in, what he hoped, was a reassuring tone.

"But for how long," she said. Not a question, not an affirmation.

Inuyasha tried to answer, but he found he didn't know what to say. In that moment he felt like he wouldn't let her go ever and that confused him. He didn't know what to do with himself when such feelings burst within him, because Kagome still lingered in his mind, even after the whole well thing and his sickness (he had finally admitted it). He knew he was stupid, he knew it, but he just couldn't help himself. How pathetic.

And anyway, Sango would never see him like that.

So, he only held her closer and resumed his strokes on her hair. For a moment he imagined there was no pain, no departures, no sorrow, nothing and no one but them. That he was hugging her and she was cuddling in his arms just because of it.

It felt nice, to pretend such thing, even if he knew it to be a lie.

A/N: I have been trying to upload this chapter even since last wednesday but for some unknown and bizarre reason, ff didn't allow me to, sending me an error message every time I tried. Ah well, the problem is gone now. Hope you liked it, let me know. Thanks for all your reviews. ;)