(Note: Anything that I say that involves Cloud being Sora's dad... that's a joke. And Sora's back-story is a joke as well. If you're gullible enough to believe it, well... you ARE gullible.)
"Why did you let Goofy drive, Sora?" Donald said, looking irate. He was trying to regulate his breathing so as not to pass out...again. "I told you that he would fall asleep at the wheel!"
"Well how was I supposed to know that?" Sora scoffed, waving his arms in the air like a fool. "You didn't tell me that! I can't just guess these things like I can in school, you know!"
Some time earlier...
"Sora, please come up to the board and solve this equation," said Sora's eighth-grade math teacher, as Sora walked up to the board to solve the equation.
Lessee... carry the two... he thought, as the chalk clicked on the board. Do classes even have chalk-boards anymore...? Eh, whatev. Divide by the square-root of nine...Oh God, I don't know this one! This is just a wild guess, but... He rubbed his head, then smiled, satisfied, and nodded. Then he stepped back from the board.
he thought, as the chalk clicked on the board. Do classes even have chalk-boards anymore...? Eh, whatev. He rubbed his head, then smiled, satisfied, and nodded. Then he stepped back from the board.2 (plus) 2 (equals) 4
"Yes, Sora, very good," the teacher complimented him, patting the boy on the back. "You sure have been doing better lately."
"Thank you, Mr. President!" Sora said, smiling widely and going back to his seat.
Back to the present...
Donald sighed. "Well you could have asked at any time. I mean... geez, we're Disney characters, there must be so much you need to know!"
Sora gasped, eyes wide and full of hope. "You're Disney characters? I had no idea!"
The duck gave him a look as Goofy walked around the large dirt-pit that was the entrance to the Olympus Coliseum.
Olympus Coliseum
"Gawrsh, guys, I don't think we're in 2002 anymore," Goofy said, putting a hand to his mouth and looking somewhat troubled. "This looks like them thar 'mysterilogical times'..."
Donald then gave Goofy a look. "Do you mean 'mythological times', Goofy? Because if you do, then you are a very screwed-up individual."
"Gawrsh, Donald, you've known me so long not to know that," Goofy said, almost scoldingly. He put his hands on his hips and gave Donald a nasty look. "You should know better! Shame on you."
"That's kind of harsh, Goofy," Sora said. He looked like he was going to defend Donald for a moment, before he ran off to the other set of double-doors on the other side of the... God, I just want to call it a landfill. 'Cause that's what it looks like. With pillars and two big statues of Roman soldiers. I thought the movie took place in Athens? Well the Coliseum was in Rome...
Anyway, Sora went into the Lobby. And it wasn't really appropriately named, because it looked neither like a lobby nor any place that you would want to call a lobby. Because it was a very small room. Of course, that pedestal did look kind of comfortable...
As the trio entered, they noticed a small half-goat half-man (aka a Satyr) standing and looking into the dark abyss beyond a sign that read 'Closed' in stylized letters that were supposed to be some comical modern-day thing. Like the Emperor's New Groove or Aladdin. He looked like he was deep in thought, and as he heard the three enter he only waved a hand in their general direction.
"Geez, 'bout time you showed up," he said gruffly. "Gimme a hand, will ya? Push that pedestal outta the way of the trophy case. I swear, it gets more and more annoying whenever I want to put a trophy right there..." As he went on ranting, Sora tried to push the pedestal.
He pushed it the conventional way, then tried to make it move by putting all his weight on his shoulders and moving backwards. Okay, that's a bad discription, but hey.
"You guys could try and help!" he grunted to Donald and Goofy, who just stood there... watching. "I'm sure with our combined strength, we could do this!"
"Teamwork is for Looney Tunes, Disney's a little more grown-up," Donald said. "Remember such hit films as Lady and the Tramp or Bambi? Yeah. Animals were severely injured and/or killed in those movies. It even showed that pheasant dropping like a bag of cement. Looney Tunes just has sight-gags, mind you."
"GOD, shut UP Donald!" Sora said, not in the mood for this. He gave up trying to push the pedestal and instead tried tugging on it instead. But that just left him with sore arms so he stopped after about half-a-minute. He panted and then fell on his butt. "Well... that was all for naught..."
The goat-man turned around slowly. "Geez, when did you become such a wimp? And with such a prepubescent voice, too..." As he spotted Sora, his eyes widened and he stiffened. "Oh. Well that explains a lot. Anyway, this here's the world-famous Coliseum--heroes only!"
"You don't sound like your from the Mediterranean area, Mr. Goat," said the boy, looking at the goat-man suspiciously. "Shouldn't you have an Italian accent?"
"Well, although I sound like I'm from the Brooklyn area, I am in fact from an island directly off the coast of Greece," Phil said, since you know and I know who he is. Unless you haven't seen Hercules, God forbid. "But that don't matter. What does matter is why the heck are you here? I've got my little hands busy preparing for the games. So run along, pip-squeaks. Daddy don't have time to play with you now, come back in a few millenia, when you're heroes and not on level ten."
Sora shifted his eyes around the room.
"You got heroes standing right in front of you," said the ever-defiant Donald defiantly, crossing his arms in defiance.
"Yup!" said Goofy, pointing at Sora. "He's a real hero chosen by the Keyblade!"
"And we're heroes, too," said Donald, pointing to himself and not bothering to acknowledge Goofy and his crazy antics since the early 1900's.
"Hero? That scrawny runt?" Phil said, then doubled over laughing. He fell to the ground, rolling over.
"What's so--" started Sora, but he was cut off as Phil laughed harder. "...What's--"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"..." said Sora. "...Wha--"
"HA hahahahahahahaha!"
"Wh--"
"HOHOHAHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHOO!"
Sora picked up the goat-man and shook him. "Shut up!" Phil kicked him in the gut, causing Sora to drop him.
"Next time I'll chew on that mass on your head you call hair!" Phil threatened, shaking his fist at Sora bitterly.
"...What's so funny?" Sora said. "I've fought a bunch of monsters!"
"I would hardly call people trying to get you to eat change 'monsters'," Phil said, rolling his eyes and smirking.
"Ha-HA! That's where I have you out-smarted, Mr. Goat!" Sora said, smirking right back and pointing at him. "I made advertisments that I would do that, and I was paid to do so as well!"
"Oh?"
"Yes--I would eat five nickels for five pennies each, with a cash refund if I threw up from the nickel poisoning," Sora continued, looking prouder and prouder of himself as he went. "But I had a 'you-pay-first' policy, so then I would point off in a random direction and while they had their backs turned, I would run off with the pennies and my nickels!"
As he laughed maniacally, the three Disney characters considered this.
"Somehow, even though that's the most retarded and ill-formed plan of all time..." Donald said thoughtfully, "...it is somehow clever all the same..."
"I've heard enough! I'm still not letting you in," Phil said, crossing his arms and turning away. "So if you can't even move this, a mere pillar-shaped pedestal that must weigh a lot more than your skinny butt, then you cannot call yourself a hero!" He then proceeded to demonstrate how very easy it was, but failed miserably and just embarrassed himself. Because 'embarrass' has the word 'ass' at the end of it, and that's what you make yourself in the end. "Okay, so maybe it takes more than brawn. Well, well, let's see what you can do."
"But you just said--"
"Silence, fool!" Phil said, kicking Sora in the shin. "This trial is tough. You ready? You got what it takes?"
"I'm ready!" Sora said, totally giddy in anticipation.
And so, Phil led Sora outside, where there was a stage-looking platform that was up about two feet off the ground. So it looked like a step that took up about half the arena.
Suddenly, some barrels materialized on it.
"Oh, this'll be easy," said Sora like the cocky teen he is, Keyblade coming out of nowhere as he smashed the barrels relentlessly. After he was done, he went back inside to talk to Phil.
"You know, you ain't bad, kid," Phil said, a look of slight admiration on his face. Because, really? Phil wouldn't have been able to smash barrels with such finess. I mean, he was a two-foot-tall talking goat-man, for God's sake.
"Looks like I'm headed to the games!" Sora said, striking a pose. He held it for a good five minutes.
Phil tugged on his beard a little. "Mmm... 'Fraid not, kid."
"WHAT?" gasped Sora and Donald at the same time. Sora sputtered before saying, "Why not?"
The goat-man held up two fingers. "Two words: You guys ain't heroes."
"Oh come on! That was four words! And a contraction."
"Are you questioning my authority?"
"Maybe."
"Wanna be a real hero? Start by mastering this spell."
So Sora attained the power of the Thunder spell. He rubbed his hands together, giggling menacingly.
"Out of the lobby! OUT!" Phil said, shooing them off.
Some time later...
Sora entered the entrance (ho-hum, so it's redundant), looking down.
"Aw, cheer up, Sora," Goofy said, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. "We'll find a way to get in somehow."
"At this rate, I'll never find Riku and Kairi!" Sora said, beating himself up inside. Well I don't think he'd do that. It's just for the drama. He is fourteen.
"Rather a stubborn old goat, wouldn't you say?" said a familiar voice.
Sora looked up as Hades (aka James Woods) strolled over casually to them.
"Who are you?" Donald asked, knowing that anybody with James Woods' voice (including James Woods himself) was bad news. He scowled at Hades.
"Whoa, hold on there, fuzz boy," Hades said.
"But I'm a duck."
"So you are. Anyway..." He turned to Sora. "Wait, let me guess... You want to enter the games, right?" He put a hand on Sora's shoulder, stooping down to seem friendly. "Well then, hey, get a load of this." He snapped his fingers and what should be in his hand but an Entry Pass.
"A pass?" Sora asked as if making a wild guess as to what the Entry Pass could be.
"It's all yours," Hades said, standing up straight and starting to walk off. "Good luck, kid. I'm pulling for you, little shorty."
Sora looked it over for a few seconds before his head snapped up. "Wait a minute!" He shook an angry fist after Hades. "You were being redundant!"
But it was too late. James Woods had gone.
"Hey, where'd you get this?" Phil asked a few seconds later, looking the Entry Pass over skeptically.
"Can we enter the games now?" Sora asked, totally disregarding Phil's question.
The goat-man thought about it, then handed the pass back to Sora. "Well, while you didn't answer my question--which was rather rude and child-like of you--I guess I have no choice but to let you in."
"And that was rather spontaneous and stupid of you," said Sora, as they both winked conspiratorially at each other.
"Wait a minute!" Donald quacked, looking somewhat peeved. "Just what is going on here?"
"What do you mean, Donald?" Sora asked, completely confused.
"All that... that winking!" the duck continued.
"Oh that? I was talking about how Riku acted when he was around Kairi and thought I wasn't watching them," Sora admitted, scratching the back of his head.
"And I was talking about how Herc acted when I first met him," Phil said, shrugging.
"And I had something in my eye."
"And I was playing along."
"But you both looked like you were so in on whatever it was you were conspiring about!"
"I guess I look weird when I blink one eye, then."
They were all silent for a few minutes.
"Some real weirdos signed up this year," Phil said. "Better watch yourself."
Some time later...
Sora had barely lifted the Keyblade as the first batch of Heartless were taken out effortlessly by Donald and Goofy. He glanced back at the two, looking hurt. "Wow, thanks guys," he said, a totally not thankful expression on his face.
"Gawrsh, you're welcome!" said Goofy for the sake of saying something since he hasn't had a line in like... forever. Or at least not in the last half-a-page.
"He was being sarcastic, you goof," Donald grumbled.
"...Oh."
Just then, a man with the worst case of bed-head Sora had ever seen (and, having had some bad bed-head himself, he knew what he was talking about) walked past, eyeing them darkly. Sora stared at him, and the man stared back.
And then he tripped over his billowing red cape that looked like it belonged to somebody who wasn't him but was in the same game, getting a faceful of dirt.
"Oh hell," sighed the man, getting up and brushing himself off. He glanced back at Sora. "You saw nothing, kid. Got it?"
"Ummm... I think?" Sora said, shrugging. He watched the man leave, then turned to Donald and Goofy and, for some reason, Phil. "Geez, what a weirdo."
"I told you some weirdos signed up this year!" Phil chuckled.
"Who was that guy?"
"Dunno. But something tells me he'll be tough to beat--I can feel it in my hooves. Who knows, maybe you'll end up facing him."
"Yeah, he did look... did you just say 'I can feel it in my hooves'?" Sora asked, looking freaked out.
"Hey look, it's time for the next match," Phil said distractingly, pointing in a random direction.
Sora spun around, looking around frantically. "Where?" he asked.
Some time later...
A mighty Xena battlecry was released from the vocal chords of a prepubescent boy who could still sound high-pitched and not be called gay, resonating through the still air of the Olympus Coliseum's lone ampetheater/arena. An equally-as-mighty angry scream sounded soon thereafter, and not long after that came the not-as-equally-as-mighty cry of 'Gawrsh!'
"Goofy, you really kind of ruined the moment there," Sora said, looking like an angry Hollywood director who'd just gotten the worst performance out of Brad Pitt (considering that happened on his 'good days'). But then he brightened up. "Well, at least Round Two is over and--"
ROUND THREE
Another team of Farceless that should have overpowered the three but didn't as they were all vaporized right then and there materialized where the last team had appeared. Sora, mouth slightly agape, looked over to them, looked back at his teammates, then did a double-take.
"What...?" he asked, not expecting that to happen so soon.
Before he could do much else, however (besides accidentally tripping one of the Farceless and then apologizing quickly only to notice that laughter was floating into the air), Donald and Goofy had won the fight for him. He was about to say something, but another cut-scene started so he was forced to sit through it.
Phil approached them, clapping his little hands in like, entertainment or something. "Say, you're better than I thought, kid!" he said, smiling.
"...Thanks...?" the boy said awkwardly, then shifted his eyes around knowing that he just stood back as Donald and Goofy did all the work anyway.
"Wish he was here to see this," Phil continued regardless of the thank-you he'd just gotten. "He'd be really happy and all proud-like to see an aspiring young hero."
"Who?"
"Hercules, of course!" the goat-man said as if it were obvious. Well I hope it should be! "He's a hero if there ever was one, and you'll be hard-pressed to find one better than him. Too bad he's off visiting his father..."
"I wish I had a father," Sora muttered in contempt or jealousy or something like that, crossing his arms and pouting.
Some time later...
Because the author is really bored writing about their battles, we'll skip to the next cutscene:
Hades was talking to the man with the bed-head from earlier, who was shrouded in shadows but should be obvious to anybody who's ever played a Final Fantasy game (or even to people who haven't). Oh and he looked all angsty and he had his 'thinking face' on.
"That little punk is your next opponent," Hades told him. He was pacing around the little area that's never shown in the game but it's there in the shadows. "Now don't blow it... Just take him out."
"The great god of the Underworld is afraid of some punk kid?" the man scoffed, sounding somewhat hopeless and how one would imagine somebody who's not Cloud would sound. "While I'd love to beat up some idiot child, my contract says that--"
"I know what the contract says, I wrote it," Hades said, losing what little patience he had fast. "I know it says that you only have to fight and/or kill--preferrably kill--Hercules. But in order to get to him you need to take out the trash."
Cloud narrowed his eyes in thought, then stood up and left, fanning out his cloak before doing so for dramatic effect.
"Geez," said Hades. "Stiffer than the stiffs back home. But still, hard to come by suckers like that..."
Meanwhile...
Sora shook with rage. "DARN it, Goofy!" he screamed, throwing the Keyblade on the ground, only to have it rematerialize in his hand a few seconds after clattering noisily on the stone. "I told you to let me kill a few for this round! I need the experience!"
"Gawrsh, don't blame me," Goofy said, holding his shield up defensively. "Donald's the one who used Thundaga on 'em all that last match..."
"Don't be playin' the Blame Game, now!" Donald snapped. "We can't throw it around because we still have to work together to--"
ROUND SEVEN
"Quack." And Donald left it at that, since he had no more to say after being rudely interrupted like that.
Cloud looked Sora and his pals over critically before raising his weapon.
And it looked like it had been broken a few... million times. Scotch tape decorated it, as if it were supposed to add to Cloud's more dramatic visage, even though it just made him look like more of a fool than he already looked. I mean... his HAIR, come ON.
Then Sora eyed the weapon, but then looked like the lights had finally come on after all these years.
He fished through his pockets before pulling out a wallet. And then he flipped out the billfold. And then he slipped out a picture of himself, and his parents when he was a small child.
"Papa...?" he asked, looking hopeful.
Cloud merely raised an eyebrow.
"Oh it is you!" he said, smiling widely. "Mom said you went to the bar and never came back!"
And that may have partially been true, too, because Cloud vaguely remembered going to a bar in Nibelheim (despite the fact that the 'citizens' enraged him beyond belief) and then never going back home. Instead, he'd wandered into the Shinra Mansion, gotten a little more drunk with his 'buddy' Vincent, then turned his back on the little town and didn't look back.
Then the next morning he had the strangest urge to shower and found that his clothes were a whole shade of red darker. And he had a cape and a freaky claw arm and a weird wing stickin' out of his shoulder. And never did he wonder where all of those things came from or how that happened!
Geez. You'd think this was about him.
"Sub-plot aside," Cloud said, coughing awkwardly. "I umm... HAVE AT YOU!" He suddenly darted across the arena in the blink of an eye, then stopped short of Sora and just clunked the boy over the head with the hilt of the broken Buster Sword.
"Argh!" Sora grumbled before passing out cold in the middle of the arena.
Cloud cleared his throat, and Donald and Goofy kind of looked to each other before grunting unconvincingly and falling to the ground in a heap like Frodo.
Sora sat up almost immediately afterwards. "Wha happened...?" he said groggily, blinking.
"...," said Cloud. He kind of stared at Sora for a few seconds, then was stomped into the ground.
Cerberus gave a loud 'woof' and picked up his tennis ball that was sitting right in front of where Cloud had been standing. It wagged its tail and ran back to Hades, where it dropped the ball and whined playfully.
"Oh, right... there was a rule I forgot: Accidents happen," sneered James Woods, popping in out of nowhere.
Hades threw the ball back into the arena, and, right as Cerberus was going to smash Sora into the ground (and while the boy was wincing and cowering in fear, begging for mercy), a lone figure punched the paw right back up to its owner.
Cerberus whimpered, and Sora, Donald, and Goofy looked up to see...
"Herc!" said Phil out of nowhere.
"Phil, get them out of here!" Hercules said, glancing back over his shoulder as Cerberus made to go for the ball again, only to be whacked in the nose. The dog backed off a little.
So the four ran away like pansies.
"Whew! That was a close one," sighed Phil, wiping the sweat from his little goaty brow. "That was Cerberus, guardian of the Underworld. Herc should be able to handle him, but for plot conveniences, maybe not. This looks bad..."
"Wait, I read about this in my Literature class," Sora said, looking like he was setting what brain he had to work. "And umm... Hercules was the strong guy, right?"
"Well... yes."
"And he was the strongest one ever, right?"
"Yep."
"And he completed some trials for some king, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And then he got married but killed his wife and children in a mad fit of crazy-rage?"
"Umm... I guess..."
"Then he should be able to handle Cerberus just fine!" Sora said. "What does he need us for?"
"Hey look!" said Phil, pointing into the arena. "What's that? Go get it!"
Sora ran off to get whatever it was Phil was talking about. Donald slapped his forehead and Goofy put a hand to his chin, but they followed nonetheless.
They heard a loud yelp from Cerberus as he was once again separated from his tennis ball. Sora kind of felt sorry for him, 'cause he knew what it was like to be kept away from something so precious as your chew-toy...
Some time earlier...
"Sora," his mom said in a desparate way. "Please... Please let go of the ball, for your family and friends..."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sora said, right before shoving the tennis ball into his mouth.
Riku scoffed. "You little dork-wad!" he said, "Just let it go!"
"You're driving us crazy, Sora!" Kairi complained.
"Noff," Sora said in a muffled sort of way.
His mother and his friends glared at him for a moment, before Riku swatted him on the back, causing Sora to gag and spit the ball out.
"Noooo!" cried Sora, going after it, but he was held back by his jacket's hood.
Back to the present...
He was brought back to reality as Hercules suddenly and unexpectedly fell to the ground.
'Twas then that Cloud, who had been slung over his shoulder like some kind of burlap sack, woke up. He glanced around, then noticed the hand on his ass. "Oh, God, not again..." he muttered bitterly.
"Kid!" shouted Phil from his place in the stands. "Two words of advice: Attack!"
"That's one word, Mr. Goat!" replied the boy in confusion.
"Just shut up before Hades throws the ball towards you!" Phil warned, then scampered off to avoid the large fire balls Cerberus had started coughing up.
"What should we do?" Goofy asked.
"We should kick its canine posterior, of course," Donald said as if it were obvious.
"Gawrsh, that sounds kinda uncomfortable..."
"Oh, you're a dog, right."
"Yeah we should," Sora said, whipping out the Keyblade from thin air. "And then we'll... Oh my God, Donald, I can understand you!"
Suddenly, Goofy was hit in the head with a tennis ball that looked like it was on its last leg. Even though, geometrically, any spherical object should by no means have a 'leg'. Oh well, it's kind of a metaphor. "Gawrsh..."
It landed right in between the three.
And up bounded Cerberus, growling and snarling.
"Oh, poo," Sora said, looking a little annoyed and scared at the same time.
To make a long and boring story short...
"Well, though it was unlikely that you, a teenage kid, could beat the large, ferocious, almost-impossible-to-beat-even-by-Hercules-in-the-movie Guardian of the Underworld when even Hercules, the strongest man alive, could not," Phil started, then took a deep breath, "I now dub thee junior heroes, and confer upon thee full rights and privelages to participate in the games. Furthermore--"
"Hey!" said Donald in protest and/or defiance. But that's already been used. "What do you mean 'junior heroes'?"
"I should think it would be obvious," Phil said. "But you rookies still don't understand what it takes to be a true hero. Come back in another 'hundred levels and fight Lance Bass, and then we'll talk."
"So, what does it take?" Goofy asked.
"...I just said... Um, you know what? Never mind. Herc, you dish out your helpful faux-life lesson starter."
"Well, that's something you'll have to find out for yourselves," Hercules said, flipping the curl of hair out of his face with a flick of his neck and putting his fists on his hips, striking a pose. "Like the way that I did."
"No problem!" Sora said. "I'll just go about like a fool in the games, gaining point upon point of experience with every foe who falls before me, and eventually gain enough experience points so that I might reach the next level--"
"There ain't gonna be games for a while," the goat-man told him. "Gotta clean up the arena after that last battle."
"Okay, we'll be back."
"Are you never unenthusiastic?" Donald asked him.
"I learned a long time ago that the glass looks half-full," Sora said. "What with my dad walking out on us shortly after I was born, my mom going through a lot of therapy when I was young, then going into debt for all the drugs she did while she was still pregnant with me, and then the people at the Child Abuse Agency trying to rip me from her arms even though I was so emotionally attached to her and she was totally over everything that had happened and finally she mooched off her parents until we had enough money to buy our house in the middle of a humble, drug-free town, I had no choice but to adapt and look on the brighter side of things."
"Good Lord, your sure had a lousy life."
"Eh, I'm a SquareEnix character, what can I say?" Sora said.
"Well... and you sound an awful lot like an original character."
"What were we talking about?"
And so Donald, Goofy, and Sora left the lobby.
"I still can't believe how very original-character-like he was when he faced Cerberus..." Phil admitted.
"Just between you an' me," Hercules said quietly, "I had already worn Cerberus down by the time the little guy took over. I mean... I might've had that very androgynous-looking man slung over my shoulder, but I still kicked that thing's butt."
"My lips are sealed."
They both chuckled conspiratorially for a few moments, reflecting on how horrible this chapter was.
Meanwhile...
Sora looked over his poorly-made Hero License. Instead of looking very official, it was just a piece of marble that had been carved ever-so-badly into a rectangular object, and then had his name carved on it under the words 'Hero License'.
"You think he wouldn't have been such a mean old goat about it," he said.
"Who cares?" Donald asked, finally asking the question we've all had on our minds since the very beginning of this parody.
Sora looked up, spotting Cloud on the steps opposite to the ones they'd just walked off of.
"Hey, are you all right?" Sora asked him.
Cloud, although looking contemplative, twitched. "...Yeah..."
"So why were you so easily suckered into working with him?" said Sora.
The man was silent for a moment. "I'm looking for someone," he said, "Hades promised to help. I tried to exploit the powers of darkness, but it backfired." With that, he stood up. "I fell into darkness, and couldn't find the light."
"Well that was rather stupid of you."
Cloud raised an eyebrow.
"B-but I'm sure you'll find it," Sora stuttered. "I'm searching for it, too."
"For your light?" Cloud asked, sounding uninterested, which he...probably was. "Don't lose sight of it."
Sora then received the Sonic Blade ability.
"How about a rematch sometime?" Sora asked. "With no giant dogs to rain the fires of Hell on our parade, a fair-and-square match?"
Cloud smirked. "I think I'll pass," he said as if it were a joke.
When both parties had gone, Hades appeared rather suddenly in the dirt-pit that is the entrance.
And for some reason, he had the image of Hercules in his hand.
"He's strong, he's kind," he muttered. "He's always there for you, and he's handsome to boot. He's perfect. Perfect." He paused for a moment, then had a James Woods wave of rage and turned red. "HE'S PERFECTLY INFURIATING!" he screamed like a man on steroids. "He makes me CRAZY!" He returned to his blue self a second later. "Wait a minute... What am I talking about? All the pieces are in place. Gotta relax..." He took a deep breath. "Here's what you do: Let Hercules train the kid. In the next games, you can take care of them both."
He looked to his left, noticing that Maleficent was just kind of standing there.
"Oh, you didn't hear that, did you?" Hades asked, looking angry again but not red. "Anyway, who invited you to the party? Stay out of this. This is my show."
"As you wish," Maleficent said passively. "Fight to your heart's content."
TO BE CONTINUED!