Chapter nineteen: An opportunity for Hojo

Tokyo. 2002 a.C.

When she found out Hojo had entered the same med school than her, sincerely, Kagome thought that to be utterly pathetic.

Was his obsession for her so big that he was ready to give up his own career desires and aspirations only to be near her?

However, she soon found out Hojo wasn't exactly lost when he decided to be a doctor and actually, he was an excellent student. In fact, he shared the top class position with her. Kagome, of course, had drowned her sorrows in books, managing to get impressive marks in all of her subjects, but Hojo was a natural.

The normally quiet and pleasant boy, (well, not exactly a boy any more) had showed an incredible passion for what he called 'the art of healing'.

"You'll see, Higurashi," he had told her once. "When I finish school I'll have a clinic where we'll combine the most advance technology with traditional remedies, we'll offer the best therapies, just wait and see."

Kagome had remembered with fondness all those times Hojo had brought her all kinds of remedies to improve her supposedly terrible health, when she actually had been 500 years in the past hunting for tama shards and being attacked by youkai. She actually felt guilty for that.

"Higurashi, your yakimeshi is getting cold, aren't you hungry? Do you feel well?" A warm voice brought her back from her thoughts. Hojo was smiling at her from the other side of the table.

"Oh, no, not at all, I was just thinking."

"Really? May I ask about what?" He smiled, he always smiled.

Maybe about why you brought me to this nice restaurant. Come on girl, you know the reason. The question is, what will you say?

"Oh… nothing important, so tell me, what's the big news you have for me?"

"I've convinced my grandfather to donate us the land. Isn't it great?" he said with a proud air, his chin up and a radiant grin on his face.

"Oh, that's marvelous, Hojo!" She smiled sincerely and clapped her hands.

When regarding to that clinic of his, he always said things like 'we'll get a bank credit' and 'we'll just hire the most capable nurses' or 'we'll do this' and 'we'll do that.'

It didn't take long for Kagome to realize that for 'we', Hojo was referring to him and her. At first she had been livid at this. Who did he think he was to take her for granted? And those were the exact words she used when she protested his haughtiness if he thought she'd just work for him, leaving aside any goals she would have on her own, but Hojo had apologized first and then told her he wouldn't want her as any less than his associate, his partner, his equal.

She never felt Inuyasha considered her his equal; sometimes lesser, sometimes greater, but never his equal.

After a while, the idea of the alternative clinic started sounding good for her and it didn't take long for Kagome to become enthusiastic on the project. She could apply so many things Kaede-baachan taught her.

"Yes, I know, I'll never stop being grateful with my family for their generosity, and your family as well," Hojo answered.

She had talked to her family about the project and her mother, thrilled, had decided to support her financially. Not that they were exactly rich and they still had to think on Sota's education, but still it was a good amount. Also Ms. Higurashi talked to her recently found cousin, who had been more than pleased to help her niece with a generous sum.

Kagome felt somewhat apprehensive to take the money, but no doubt aunt Kimiko would have considered it disrespectful if she rejected her gift. So now, she and Hojo had a good base to go on with their little dream.

"We should make a toast, Higurashi, for our future!" he said brightly and raised his glass. When Kagome didn't do the same, he lowered it and looked at her, confused.

"What's the matter?" he asked her.

She wasn't sure how to aboard the subject, her fingers played with the napkin nervously. If they were to be associates and work together, then she would have to make things clear between them. Hojo could not keep on with that fixation for her or they wouldn't be capable to develop a healthy professional relationship.

"I have to speak about something with you, before we keep going with this plan," she said, not daring to look into his eyes. She really didn't want to hurt him, he was a very good friend.

"Ever since we met, I know you have felt something for me and—"

"Please, don't keep going," his firm voice interrupted her and Kagome looked up to find his eyes fixed on her with a resolute gesture.

"I know what you are going to say, please, don't."

"But I have to—"

"Please, Higuras—Kagome, allow me to speak first." Hojo had never called her by her first name. Maybe he didn't intend it, but it took her aback and it sure shut her mouth.

"I… I won't deny my feelings, and I," he chuckled, "I'm aware I was never very good at hiding them, right?"

Kagome said nothing but gave him a kind smile. He went on as his eyes rested somewhere between the soy sausage and the sashimi. "Back at high school I wasn't completely clueless, you know. I knew there was someone else. I noticed it in your dreamy eyes and those sighs you suddenly gave out of nothing while your eyes got lost somewhere far, far away from school, as well in the sympathetic looks your friends gave me each time I gave you something for your health, you know, like 'poor guy, so crushed and he doesn't stand a chance', but I didn't care. I just wanted you to be aware that I was there, and that I cared deeply for you. Did I achieve that, at least?"

He returned his eyes to her and she nodded.

"Then we entered college and you changed, so much. Your smile was gone for a long time and you became a sad person, like if life had been drained from you. I wondered what could possibly have done that to you and I supposed you had broken up with that other guy, so my hopes went up again, but nothing happened."

"Hojo… I'm so—"

"It's okay, it's not your fault. The thing is, I've never talked to you about the way I feel until now, and that was because I knew you had no place in your heart for me, or anyone else, but I think that maybe that heart has healed just enough to get a glimpse out of your shell and start enjoying life again, and maybe, I thought you could let me be the one who can help you rediscover that joy."

He kept silent and so did she, his words sinking in her mind. Had she been in a shell as he said? Had she really become that sad, gray person Hojo was talking about? Was this man so committed to her that he had waited for six years for her heart to have room for him?

"I don't mean to awake some kind of sympathy in you, if you decide I can't be that person, then I will not push the matter any further. I've respected you for all this time and I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I promise you will never feel uneasy around me and our relationship will remain professional and respectful."

"Really?" Kagome asked with an arched brow. Somehow, his promise reminded her of her own promise to Inuyasha, when she had told him she would stay by his side even if at the end he decided to stay with Kikyo.

He nodded. "Don't be so arrogant Higurashi," he said with a teasing smile. "It will be painful, but I'm sure I'll move on and eventually find a nice girl, but I hope you could at least consider me."

She laughed at that and then went contemplative for a couple of minutes. Hojo just stirred on his seat and tapped the floor with anxiety. The yakimeshi went colder.

"I think…"

His eyes went wide and he grabbed his chair, as if looking for support in case the answer killed him in that very spot.

She wanted to be happy, right? Hojo had just told her that if she were to reject him, he would move on. Certainly Inuyasha had moved on. Shouldn't she do the same? But now, could she see Hojo as more than a friend? Well, to be honest she had never given him the slightest opportunity, or to any of the other guys who had asked her out on the past years. She made up her mind.

"I think I'll consider you," she finally said with a smile.

Hojo couldn't believe his ears, he went frozen for some moments and his jaw dropped, but he finally reacted and flashed a wide grin. His eyes were practically shimmering. She didn't think she had seen someone look so happy.

"But," she raised a finger. "I only said consider. All right?"

"That's enough for me," he answered happily and once again raised his glass, repeating his phrase. "We should make a toast, Higurashi, for our future!"

She hesitated for a moment, but this time, Kagome also raised her glass.