"And the Keyhole?" Maleficent asked quietly and conspiratorially as she was talking with Jafar in Agrabah.
"Despite my living here all my life and my unnatural vizier smarts, I've assigned the Farceless to look for it. They're searching for it as we speak," Jafar said, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "I'm sure we'll find it soon. So that just leaves..."
Gilbert Gottfried the Bird aka Iago flew out of nowhere and landed on Jafar's shoulder. "I have had it UP TO HERE looking for Jasmine! She's avoided me and... ugh, I'm just ready to give up and let the Farceless search for her too! She's disappeared, almost like magic..."
"That girl is more trouble than she's worth. And she's worth a lot..."
"I thought you said you had everything under control," Maleficent asked, a dubious look on her face.
"Agrabah is full of holes for rats to hide in," Jafar said, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. "But why worry about Princess Jasmine? This world will be ours, regardless of whether we capture her or not."
"You fool. We need all seven princesses of farce to open the final door. Any less would be useless, and any more would also be somewhat useless, but not as useless as less than our required number."
"I thought there were only seven?"
"Yes, yes, but there are all those lesser leading female roles in Disney films, like that fish girl or the lioness or even Bambi's cousin who he falls in love with."
"Oh. I see why they weren't included in the whole... what, 'Princess Clique'?"
"Aha. You're hilarious, Jafar. You'll really be making snappy puns when the Farceless swarm you."
Jafar decided that was the right time to get back on the subject they had somehow done a U-turn on. "Well, if she's that important, I will have the Farceless look for her." At that moment, a Farceless showed up. "Look for Princess Jasmine, you know the drill."
And then it left.
"Don't steep yourself in such bad humor too long," Maleficent said warningly but with a sly smirk. "The Farceless consume the tasteless."
Jafar chuckled. "Your concern is touching, but hardly necessary. I have everything under control."
"I'm sure you do."
And Jasmine had watched it all from above, both villains unaware of her presence. I guess nobody looks up anymore.
And then...
Agrabah
Sora, Donald, and Goofy happened to walk up to her at that exact moment.
"Who's there?" she said. She walked out of her hiding place, approaching them. "I'm Jasmine, my father is the Sultan of Agrabah. Although, now that I think about it, even though you don't look the type to be evil, I really shouldn't reveal my identity so openly."
"...I... I suppose you shouldn't," Sora said in disbelief, surprised that she had caught her own mistake. Yet, she was already trusting them, so it really was rather pointless to dwell on the matter.
"So that makes you a princess?" Goofy guessed.
"Indeed. But he has been disposed of by Jafar, the royal vizier. Who is, incidentally and rather obviously, evil. So now he runs the city instead of my loveable butter-ball of a father."
"Jafar?"
"You haven't heard of him? I just explained it all so... Well, he seized the throne after gaining evil powers somehow, and now rules Agrabah with a skinny iron fist. He's desperately looking for something--something called a "Keyhole." Jafar caught me trying to escape, but he helped me."
"Jafar helped you?" Sora asked, confused.
"...No. We were hiding nearby, but he left to go take care of something. Oh, I hope Aladdin is all right!"
"Aladdin, hmm? Tell me where this street rat is, princess."
"Gasp! Jafar!" Jasmine gasped in shock and surprise.
"Allow me to find you more suitable company, Jasmine; these street rats make you look bad," Jafar chuckled, appearing out of nowhere.
"Jasmine, run!" Sora said, for once concerned about somebody other than...
...(has lost train of thought)
"Sora..." Donald started, looking amazed. "You've... you've really changed all of a sudden. What's up?"
"Nothing's up," Sora said, ignoring Jafar who was currently summoning his Farceless forces to kidnap Jasmine and possibly kill Aladdin and/or Sora's party. He gave Donald a weird look. "I'm just genuinely concerned for her well-being. What, I'm not entitled to that?"
"Well, it's just that up until now you've... you've really never seemed like you care about other people's problems. Of course, you did help Alice with her court problems, and you did help Tarzan's gorilla buddies and you did help Hercules and Cloud... but those have just kind of been obligatory things that anybody could've done with the right resources and such."
"Shut up, Donald. GOSH, we don't have all the time in he world, you know."
So they got back on track!
"Ah, the boy who weilds the key," Jafar said slyly, stroking his beard again.
"You know what? RUN AWAY!"
And away they did run, all the way to Aladdin's house.
UGH, this chapter's so BORING!
Once inside, they moved a big heavy thing off of the Magic Carpet, which subsequently flew off without even a thank-you.
"The carpet flew off to the desert," Donald deduced. Haha. Deduced... "Let's follow it, Sora!"
"Are you crazy? You can't just assume that because a flying rug flew off into the desert means that it's important to the plot! Gosh, that's the stupidest assumption ever, Donald."
"Shut up and follow the Persian rug," Donald spat. "Or else... no... um, what is it you kids like these days?"
"Video games, sugar, making up excuses for WHY on Earth we act like we do... blaming it on television, video games, the Internet, our parents, their parents, school systems, other people, Republicans, gangs, caffeine, sleep deprivation, popular culture, MTV, VH1, bran cereal, the world, rock bands with subliminal messages, among other things. We're just the laziest and rudest generation, it seems. Full of fan-girls who only care about things that involve their favorite characters, and have horrible grammar even though they OBVIOUSLY speak the English language. Hey, why is there such an abundance of sand all of a sudden?"
"Because we brought you onto the carpet, and now we're flying through the desert at a not-that-slow-but-not-that-fast pace."
"Oh."
"Yep. All while you were ranting and pointing out what people say or deny because they're all idiots nowadays."
"Gawrsh, does nobody have common sense anymore?" Goofy asked, looking irritated.
"No! They don't, Goofy," Donald said. "I bet if you just gave some kid a gun, they would shoot their best friend in the foot. Then they'd blame it on their parents or something, saying something like 'the video game made me do it'. The little morons."
"Gawrsh, can nobody take responsibility for their own actions anymore? A-hyuck."
"No. No they cannot, Goofy."
"And while you two were having such a deep conversation, we arrived at the end of the invisible, sand-swept road!" Sora said, pointing at the shift in scenery. It was now night (even though in every other place in Agrabah, it's always during the day) and they spotted somebody being ganged up on by a group of Farceless.
"Gawrsh, not again!"
Oh yeah. They beat them. Why wouldn't they?
"Gosh, where do they keep coming from?" Sora asked as they were surrounded now. "Well, guys... it's been nice knowing you."
"Oh, shut up," Donald said, looking irate. "It's not over 'till it's over. I could probably kill them all with one Thunder spell."
"Stop showing off!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
Suddenly, that one guy mentioned above who was in the quicksand, who is Aladdin and you should know that, managed to free himself from it despite the fact that he was struggling. And when you struggle in quicksand, you sink faster. ...Huh?
He rubbed a lamp he pulled out of nowhere. "Genie! Come to me!"
A blue stream of... smokish-type-stuff came out of the lamp, and from that errupted Genie. "What is it, Al?" he asked enthusiastically.
"Get rid of these guys!" Aladdin shouted, pointing at the Farcelss. "Oh and keep the other guys here though. I think they were trying to help."
"...All you Disney guys do is assume..." Sora muttered to himself, looking extremely troubled.
"Wish Number One, comin' right up!" said Genie as he made it so. The Farceless disappeared with a small 'pop'.
"...Are they gone?" Donald asked.
"Well yes. But I can't kill things dead quite like you guys, so I, well..." Genie chuckled. "I had to send them away to a different world!"
"That's... that's horrible!" no one in particular said.
"Where'd you send 'em?" Sora asked, curious.
"Oh... no where in particular..."
Meanwhile...
Andy's bedroom was suddenly overrun with shadows.
"MOMMY!" he screamed, wetting his bed. Not even Woody or Buzz Lightyear could save him this time.
Un-Meanwhile...
During that totally unnecessary but oddly fulfilling to the author meanwhile section, Sora had introduced himself and told his long and boring yet somehow interesting (bleh not) story to Aladdin, Genie, and the previously unmentioned and forgotten Abu. Hoho. That silly little monkey.
"Wow... you make my street urchin life seem so... dull compared to all that!" Aladdin said, under the impression that Sora was some kinda wonderful.
Of course he'd probably fed Aladdin LIES, but we all know he's pretty gullible.
"Thanks so much, Sora, Donald, Goofy," Aladdin continued. He was truly grateful for their help.
"So what were you doing out here in the first place, Aladdin?" Sora inquired. 'Asked' is getting boring.
"Same old, same old," Aladdin replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Hunting treasure, being the lovable yet obnoxious person I am. Abu and I just paid a visit to the Cave of Wonders, where I found that Magic Carpet--"
Carpet waved a tassle at them.
"--and Genie's lamp. And after Genie's show tune, we escaped our deaths because Abu stole an egg-shaped ruby from a statue of some higher diety or something. I dunno. I wasn't really paying attention, what with all the lava flowing out of every corner of the place. And that's when we met Genie."
"That's... pretty... fun-sounding," Sora said, not really knowing what to say at this point. He had gone a few days without sleep, after all. That messes your brain up. He's not a Disney character, ya know. He needs his rest.
"Legend has it that whoever holds the lamp can summon the--"
"Hold up, Al! Leave the introductions to the professionals," Genie interrupted interruptingly. "I am the one and only Genie-of-the-Lamp!" He did some weird yet slightly funny thing. I dunno. I wasn't paying attention, what with all the more interesting things I could've been doing when I met Aladdin and Genie. "Just give the lamp a rub and I'll pop out like a... something that rhymes with 'rub'!"
"Tch. You aren't Robin Williams. Stop acting like it," said nobody in particular.
"And whoever happens to rub the lamp," Genie continued, ignoring whoever that was, "then they may have three wishes. No more. No less. They can't have four, or five, cuz five's right out. And they can't have two, unless they plan on going on to their third wish, which would be the appropriate number of wishes I can grant. Get my drift?"
"Wow," said Donald dreamily, probably wishing for... never mind. "Any wish we want?"
"...While I never said that... yeah, pretty much. But hold on, my fine feathered friend!" He held up a big blue hand in Donald's face. "Yes, but when the wishes are granted and done with... I make like a tree and leaf!"
Of course nobody caught the joke. Because in Agrabah... there are no diciduous trees. Sora just wasn't paying attention. I don't know about Donald and Goofy... they probably heard it like... five billion times before so they found it immensely unfunny.
"Now, Al," coughed Genie uncomfortably. "What about Wish Numbah Two?"
"Hmm... how's about making me a fabulously wealthy prince?" Aladdin suggested.
"Wow, money, power, wealth, FAME," Genie sighed. "Why didn't I think of that? Thirty servants and thirty camels, all loaded with gold! And I'll have your pizza to you in thirty minutes or less, or else it's free! ...But I won't throw in anything."
"You know, I think I'll put that on hold until we reach Agrabah," said Aladdin as if he knew what 'on hold' meant. I mean... he's in the middle of a desert with no phone lines. What are they going to put 'on hold'?
"Er, why a prince, Al?"
"Well... you see, there's this girl... and she just so happens to be a princess. Named Jasmine. Princess Jasmine. She's a princess. And I'm just a... she'll never fall for me, you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," most of them replied truthfully.
"Wait... Princess Jasmine?" Donald suddenly asked.
"Yes."
"Oh, we met her when we first came here!" said Sora, chuckling warmly. Then he stopped chuckling warmly and remembered that she was in grave danger and that they'd left her to die in the streets with Jafar. "She's in trouble, Aladdin!"
"What?" cried Aladdin in surprise.
"Yeah, whoops," Donald mumbled to Goofy, who nodded guiltily.
"What are we doing just standing here, then?" Aladdin hopped on Carpet, ready and rarin' to go save Jasmine. "We've gotta rescue her!"
And thus they all piled onto Carpet and made their way back to Agrabah. Of course, since there were now two people, a duck, a dog, a monkey, and a Genie on Carpet, he was considerably more weighed down and was going at a fraction of the speed that he'd gone when he had first traveled through the desert.
"Ah, fresh air!" Genie said, stretching and almost knocking everybody off.
"Do you not get out much?" Sora asked.
"Nope! To quote me, 'PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER'--" Genie grew to immense proportions, then turned into a tiny version of himself. "--'itty-bitty living space'." He popped back to normal. "It's always the same routine, three wishes and back into the lamp I go. I'm lucky to get out of my mobile home every century or two..."
"Aww," said Sora, genuinely saddened over Genie's tale of misery and woe.
"Say, Genie," Aladdin said out of the blue. "What if I used my last wish to free you? What do you say?"
"You'd do that for me?"
"Genie, it's a promise," said Aladdin in that 'it's a promise' tone. "After we help Jasmine, of course."
"...Are we still not there yet?" Sora asked randomly.
Then they noticed that Carpet had stopped moving and was laying very dead in the middle of the desert. Though I doubt a magic carpet can die.
"Umm... whoops," chuckled Aladdin nervously.
Some time later...
"Well, after bringing Carpet back to life with CPR, doing a rain dance half-way through the desert, and somehow not dying of hunger, I think that was one of the most wacky adventures I've ever had," Aladdin admitted as they were finally in his home in Agrabah.
"Yeah, but the poor thing suffered permament brain damage," Sora whispered to him, pointing at Carpet who was currently trying to walk through a wall on the other side of the house.
"Does a carpet even have a brain?" Aladdin asked suspiciously.
"I highly doubt it. But how else could it move about so freely?"
"...I don't know. Maybe because it's a magic carpet, hmm? That might have something to do with it?" he suggested obviously.
"Oh. Yeah. Right. That technicality."
"Anyway, back to the matter at hand," Aladdin said, trying to get back on the subject that he was worried about in the first place. "Jafar is looking for Jasmine and the "Keyhole", huh?"
Genie scratched his chin. "Keyhole, eh? I could've sworn I've heard of that somewhere before..."
"Well most doors do have keyholes," Sora said matter-of-factly. Because... well... they do.
"Really? Where?" asked Donald, who was, once again, ignoring Sora.
"Now where was it?" Genie asked, ignoring Sora AND Donald. "It's only been 200 years..."
"Ugh, gosh," grumbled Sora.
"Let's go stop Jafar!" Aladdin proclaimed like an eager beaver.
With that, they all ran out of Aladdin's house and into the streets, where Jafar had waited ever-so-patiently for their return and was holding Jasmine by the arm.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Aladdin," Jafar chuckled, using his free hand to... he doesn't have a free hand! Never mind. "Don't you think you're being just a tad unrealistic, BOY? I mean... she's a princess, come on. Crawl back into your hole, street rat. Crawl back and never return."
"Jasmine!" Aladdin called.
"Aladdin!" Jasmine called back. "I'm so sorry! If only I wasn't so predictable like every other girl in the world!"
"Hey... she's right," Sora said thoughtfully. "They all get kidnapped eventually."
Luckily, Aladdin just so happened to have the lamp behind his back and he rubbed it. God. He rubbed it good. "Genie, fetch Jasmine for me!" As an afterthought, he added, "Please."
Genie conveniently popped up and saved Jasmine.
"Wow! You're the only person who's ever wished for me to save a girl," Genie said wistfully.
Well this just wasn't going to fly with Jafar. Because at that second, Iago came over, with much effort, lugging the lamp up to Jafar. When the vizier had taken it from Iago, the bird flopped to the ground, tired from the overexertion.
"Mwahaha," chuckled Jafar darkly. The lights dimmed and a flashlight was held up under his face for eerie lighting. "So sorry, BOY, but the Genie of the Lamp is MINE now!" He laughed again, and lightning struck in the background and thunder rumbled even though it was a very dry and clear day. In the middle of the desert.
"I'm sorry, Al," Genie apologized. He poofed off behind Jafar and Jasmine, who was still in the process of being delivered over to Aladdin, fell ungracefully into a pot.
"EEK!" she shrieked, just as the lid was closed and the pot sprouted icky-looking centipeded legs and started hobbling around.
"And now I bid you adieu," said Jafar, though I highly doubt he knows French. "Attack, my pawns!" He raised his arms.
And many other pots decided to make their way into the area. Then they formed some freak giant centipede. Which was, incidentally, called the Pot Centipede. After it was done transforming like Optimus Prime (it even did a rather lengthy and unnecessary sequence including flashing lights and rock music just for dramatic effect, and by the time it was done Sora and his pals had gotten popcorn, sodas, and had set up several recliners in the area and were all settled down), it reared up to show its big freaky mandibles and clicked them together.
It was met with the sound of applause and somebody taking a big and nasty-sounding sip of their soda.
And in turn, this was met with the act of the Pot Centipede swatting them all away with its many legs.
"Argh!" argh'd Sora, landing a few feet away, somewhat dazed from the unexpected attack. In all actuality, it should've been expected because, really? No one's going to let you off the hook if you're acting like a jerk when they try to be cool.
So then, weapons were drawn...
"Hey look! This is my best drawing of a gunblade ever," said Sora, holding up the piece of paper. He and his Disney buds were sitting at one of those PlaySkool plastic tables, and the Pot Centipede had joined them and they were all coloring and/or drawing weapons of mass destruction.
The others looked up from their pictures and smiled and nodded, somewhat impressed.
There was a pause.
"Wait a minute..." said Aladdin suddenly, his eyes narrowing. He looked around the table at all of his associates. "Where's the green crayon?"
Donald handed it to him.
"Oh. Thank you!"
"No problem," said Donald.
There was another pause.
Suddenly, the Pot Centipede screeched and reared up, causing the table to overturn and everybody's paper and drawing materials to be scattered. Everything disappeared about a second later and then there was a big fight.
And wouldn't you know it? The good guys won. As if they weren't going to anyway.
"Jasmine!" Aladdin called frantically, looking around for the princess.
"Looking for this?" Jafar asked from somewhere else in the vacinity, holding Jasmine by the arm again. He laughed diabolically and then took his leave.
Aladdin hung his head in grief. Grief at having not been able to save the woman he may have liked. He also hung his head in self-loathing. Because that's dramatic and angsty. He may have also hung his head in (you guessed it) hunger. For he was very hungry being POOR and all. It's not like he can eat every day like a big rich person who just eats whenever they want to. GOSH.
After about five minutes of this, he finally snapped his head up and pointed in some direction. "To the desert!"
"Tch. Gosh. Do you honestly think anything in the desert, where it is dry and lacking in water, will help us in our quest to save the princess?" Sora asked as if trying to use logic. Even though this is a SquareEnix game and, as far as I can tell... SquareEnix games have no logic to them at all.
Who's to say that if Yuna had truly fallen from that cliff, she would've died? She survived leaping off that airship doo-dad when it was possibly hundreds of thousands of miles above the land below. So what made falling from a great height from a cliff and not an airship any different? Hmm? Hmm, I ask?
That and all those crazy cool fight scenes in Advent Children should be evidence enough that Square needs not this thing called 'logic'.
Or possibly physics in general.
"Come on, let's move!" said Aladdin as if he were the main character of Kingdom Hearts. Which he so isn't. Or... IS HE?
Sora was going to protest, but after being left behind for a few minutes, he decided 'what the heck' and followed anyway.
Some time later...
After a moment or two of just standing there, there was a great rumbling. A rumbling so great, in fact, that it caused the sands to shift and become a giant tiger head. With earrings.
"I am the Cave of Wonders Guardian," it rumbled. "If you can answer me these questions three, blah-blah-blah-blah side ye see."
After a group exchange of 'wtf' looks, they came to a mutual agreement that they should send Abu just to see what happened. The monkey inched his way over, looking like he was going to wet himself.
"What is your name?" the Guardian asked.
The monkey made a squeaky noise that sounded like 'Abu'.
"What is your quest?"
Abu thought about it for a moment then shrugged.
He was subsequently eaten by the Guardian.
"Holy crap!" yelled some one because in all honesty, the author doesn't feel like making any particular character say that. Why? Because she's feeling picky right now.
Then they were all silent for a moment, scared out of their wits of the Cave of Wonders Guardian. Then Sora was pushed forward to face the Guardian, as he was the main character and all.
"What is your name?"
"Sora."
"What is your quest?"
"Umm... to... find my friends?"
"And what... is your father's maiden name?"
"...Er... My father's maiden name? Would he have one?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"Hey. You just contradicted yourself."
"So I did."
With that, the Guardian imploded upon itself. How lame. This was totally lame. Gosh. This whole thing is lame.
Luckily, another Guardian came around as if nothing happened (who, incidentally, looked exactly like the first one) and decided to participate in MORTAL COMBAT with Sora and the Gang. And his nonexistant ass was mightily whooped.
"Horjah!" they cheered like the Sailor Scouts, then ran into the Cave of Wonders, which was a lot more wonderful and danger-ridden than in the movie. Of course most of it was just an abyss and if you fell into that abyss... well, you wouldn't be in the same place when you landed, that's for sure.
"You know, I have the most eerie feeling that everything we do is going to be skipped over as though it's not important," Goofy said because he really hasn't said anything in an awful long time.
Everybody else stared at him.
"Goofy! You spoke like a normal person," Donald said, almost brought to joyous tears by this stunning change in the dog-type-thing.
"Gawrsh, Donald, you remind me of a girl, a-hyuck."
"..."
Some time later...
Jafar held up the lamp. "Genie! Show me the Keyhole!"
Genie then had an internal battle. But he knew that Jafar was such a nag that he had hardly any time to do so. So instead, he just granted the wish even though Jafar didn't say 'I wish (blahblahblah)'.
Jasmine was laying there like a lump because she was out cold. Da-hurr.
Then Genie revealed the Keyhole to Jafar, because otherwise this would've been the lamest part of this chapter. Not that it already wasn't.
In the Bat-Cave...
"Now, when I say the word 'street', you do this," Sora put his hand up and pretended to press the horn of a car. "Honk honk! Got it?"
"What the heck are we doing again?" Donald asked. He, Goofy, and Aladdin were gathered 'round Sora in a semi-circle, all with their legs criss-cross apple-sauce.
"Um... I don't know!" replied the boy, doing a shrug that was too overexaggerated.
The other three hopped up and then they all ran off, killing Farceless and such until they reached where Jafar was.
Maleficent was now in the room with them. She turned and had the most indifferent look on her face ever as she spotted Sora running up like a fool child. "That boy again?"
"He's more annoying than a leech," Jafar grumbled, stroking his beard in irritation. "Why not explain the situation to that boy Riku? Doing so may prove useful to our--"
"Heeeeeeey," Sora said, stopping all of a sudden. "Are you Maleficent?"
Maleficent just disappeared without saying anything. Tch. How rude.
"Jafar, let Jasmine go!" Aladdin yelled at Jafar as if no evil witches had just disappeared from the room.
"I don't think so," Jafar chuckled. "You see, she's a princess--one of seven that will be used to open the door..."
"Open the..." started Donald.
"...Door?" Goofy finished.
"But you fools will not live to see the day," Jafar said. "Genie! My second wish... I wish for you to CRUSH them!"
"Genie NO!" Aladdin said, shielding his face.
"I'm sorry, Al," Genie said apologetically. "The one with the lamp is the one I listen to... and you don't have a lamp so obviously you're not the one I'm listening to."
"Argh!" argh'd someone. Probably Sora.
And then they engaged in mortal combat with Jafar. Genie kind of unenthusiastically floated on the side, hitting them randomly but aiding them as well by dropping life-regenerating orbs of health. Yay! He's not ALL bad.
After a long and boring battle, they walked up to the lump that was Jasmine.
"She's so peaceful..." said Sora.
"Of course! She's asleep," Aladdin said matter-of-factly.
Just then Jafar decided to float in midair because he wanted attention. "Genie!" he said, holding the lamp above his head. "My final wish! I wish to be an all-powerful genie!"
"Oh crap," said the general public.
Unable NOT to grant Jafar's wish, Genie did so, albeit looking like he regretted it greatly. He covered his eyes and started pointing at random things, turning them into all-powerful genies, much to the chagrin of Jafar.
"No, you idiot! Me, turn me into a genie!" Jafar screamed in rage. "By the almighty Cait Sith, turn me into a genie!"
And somewhere along the lines, the author said 'screw this' and left to go eat something. Then she returned. But she couldn't think of anything to write so she spent six hours on-line. So then she returned to the fic again. Alas, she could think of nothing to write. That's why this paragraph is here, to distract you long enough so that I don't have to waste my time writing cheesy dialogue and describing boring fight scenes that I am incapable of writing.
Now back to our regularly-scheduled program...
"Okay, Jafar! Back to your lamp!" Sora said, holding up the lamp expectantly. Jafar sighed and receded into it, giving an unenthusiastic 'aaaar' just to humor him. When that was done, Sora smiled triumphantly. A piece of paper floated down and landed in Sora's other hand. Wait... he's holding the Keyblade in one hand and Jafar's lamp in the other... He doesn't HAVE a free hand! Oh no! So let's say it landed at his feet. "What's that?"
Goofy picked it up and started reading: "Ansem's Report 1. Hmm. Sounds legal."
"You goof! That's what that dead lady was talking about way back when!" Donald yelled at him for no good reason.
They all reminisced and when they were appeased, they got back to the task at hand. Which is what? I don't know.
"Jasmine?" Aladdin asked, looking under a rock. He stood up and looked around, then called, "Jasmine!"
Then the cave started shaking violently. Without any annoying dialogue, they all piled onto Carpet again and took off at the speed of a carpet flying through the air with assorted fictional characters on top of it.
Some time later...
"So Jasmine's no longer in Agrabah..." sighed Aladdin, so totally depressed. "Sora, let's go find her."
"I... I don't know how to break it to you, but we can't take you with us, Aladdin," Sora said, truly apologetic.
"Say WHAAAT?" asked Aladdin in a high-pitched voice, his eyes wide.
"We'd be mu..."
"Meddling," Donald corrected Goofy before he could even get it wrong. Oh that Donald.
Genie cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, Al. Remember those six little words you're forgetting?"
"What? You mean 'too many anime men are androgynous'?" Sora asked.
"I asked Al, not you," Genie replied. "No. You still have one wish left and you promised that you would set me free. But you could wish for me to search for Jasmine instead, if you want," he added forlornly, striking a pose.
"I wish for your freedom Genie!" Aladdin said.
With that Genie sprouted legs and the cuffs on his arms disappeared into the Void. He stretched.
"Well I guess you're your own master now, Genie," Aladdin sighed to his buddy. "But if you could, could you please go with them and find Jasmine?"
"Like you said, Al, I'm my own master," Genie said, "so I'm not taking orders. But... yeah, favors I'll do."
"So you mean...?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't ever let you down, Al!" He patted Al on the back. "Just leave it to me!"
Meanwhile...
Hades let out a low groan that sounded somewhat like a growl. "You know what's sad? That smarmy beard-strokin' vizier could've had those ingrates... if SOMEONE had stuck around long enough to lend him a hand!"
Riku looked indifferent but managed to also look somewhat offended by this statement. "Hey, I did my part. I got the princess, didn't I?"
"Whose idea was it to send an incompetent hormonal teenager on a fetch-quest anyway?" Hades muttered to himself.
"Jafar was too far consumed by his horrible sense of humor," Maleficent said with a very unamused look. "One should be aware of the bad puns one is spouting."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lighten up. I'm as cool as they come, okay?" Hades chuckled.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about," the witch said in a low voice, rolling her eyes.
Hades turned to Riku. "By the way, kid, have we got something special for you..."
"...w...what?" Riku said, almost speechless. I mean, it wasn't every day that the lord of the underworld told you something quite like THAT.
"We had a deal, yes?" Maleficent asked, smiling. "You helped us, and we grant you your wish..."
The Plate of All-Knowingness showed an image of Kairi. Riku gasped, his eyes bugging out.
"Kairi!" he shouted in surprise.
"Go to her," Maleficent said with a smirk. "Your vessel is waiting."
"Just remember, this is no pleasure cruise," Hook said, appearing out of nowhere and almost scaring the chaps off of Riku.
"What did I say about bad puns? What did I say?"
But Captain Hook ignored the witch. "It won't be a pleasant voyage."
The boy narrowed his eyes. "Wait... why are you doing all this for me? What's the catch?"
"Catch? What catch?" Maleficent asked. She smiled sweetly. "Silly, silly boy. You're like a son to me. I simply want to make you happy." She went to stroke his face.
"Ah, touch me, and face abuse charges," Riku said, holding his hands up. "Besides, I seriously doubt that."
Maleficent pulled her hand back sharply and made one of those generic 'sneering villain' faces. "Believe what you wish, fool child. But lest we forget... I kept my end of the bargain."
TO BE CONTINUED!