Chapter twenty-two Can't go. Can't stay

Inuyasha woke up, partly because of the chirps outside the house and partly because of the weight on his chest. He knew what that weight was.

But still, it all seemed so unreal, as if he couldn't finish understanding what had happened between them, and he wasn't sure how to feel or think of that.

Indeed, Sango was sleeping peacefully on top of him, her face set in a serene expression and her long hair sprawled across his chest. The early morning sunrays entered the house and illuminated her bangs, making streaks of brown shine beautifully in the light. How different from Kagome's black ones with its blue reflects…

What was that?

"It's a shame." A sleepy voice cut his thoughts; Sango opened her eyes lazily and took a hand to the top of his head, caressing it. There was a smile upon her face that couldn't have been described as anything but blissful. "I would have loved to touch your white ears, I bet they were really soft."

Inuyasha went mute, maybe for her revelation, maybe for the sweet tone of her voice or perhaps because of that face. Probably it was all of them.

"You liked my dog ears?" he finally managed to ask.

"Yeah, I always thought they were very cute." She giggled.

"Well, you never said a thing," he said as he began to relax, he found he liked to see that expression on her face, it was so much better than the one from yesterday.

"Would you have let me touch them?" Sango asked.

Inuyasha pondered for a moment and then answered with a smile. "Not really."

"Well, that's why, besides, I didn't consider it appropriate at the time, but I also like your black hair."

"Good, because there's no way for me to get those ears back." He pulled her closer to him and rested his chin on top of her head, trying to get a little warmer. The morning was chilling and the only thing covering their naked bodies were the couple of blankets they had brought with them.

They kept quiet for a long time, just enjoying the feeling of being in the other's arms, but after a while, Sango started sighing over and over.

"What's wrong?" Inuyasha asked. Sango looked up.

"Inuyasha…"

"Yeah?"

"And now what?"

And now what?

"Uh?"

Sango buried her face into his chest, hugged him stronger and entwined her legs with his even more, as if trying to hide, or protect herself inside of him.

"You know what I mean… about yesterday… What do we--? What are we… um…"

"Oh, right…"

"What if I'm with child?" she said in a frightened, small voice.

There was a pregnant pause while Inuyasha tried to clear his mind but he just couldn't focus, still he managed to gather enough concentration to come out with the most obvious solutions.

"I guess… we'll just have to get married… I deflowered you so that's the right thing to do…"

What was he saying? He felt cold all the sudden despite the warmth of Sango's body. A thousand of thoughts swirled inside his head, making him feel lost.

"The right thing to do…okay," she repeated. Her body relaxed considerably, but her voice sounded let down.

After a few minutes of laying in silence, she stood and, wrapping one of the blankets around her, walked to the porch. The morning was beautiful; last night's storm had cleared the sky and there was not a single cloud in the bright blue sky. She shivered when a cool breeze caressed her bare shoulders.

Inuyasha started to dress. The mayhem in his head diminished, but more from numbness than from resolution.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to…" she spoke, still looking at the sky. "I don't want to force you, I don't want you to feel obliged to it just because that's the right thing to do… after all, we weren't ourselves yesterday… I'd understand, really."

He stood behind her. He wanted to hold her, but he wasn't sure if she would allow him to, so he just stayed there.

"No, really, I want to do it… I don't want to dishonor you, you're not something to play with and then throw away… I'm responsible for you now and I'll take care of you and our baby, if there's any."

Once the words left his lips, he realized the confusion was smaller and he felt more at ease. He really meant those words, to his surprise. Yet, his confidence went down when she turned to him, her eyes glassy.

"Even if you don't love me?"

"Eh… I…"

Shock. Silence.

"See?" She walked past him and started to put her Kosode on.

"Um… listen, we should go back to the village, there we can talk about it, I don't know, to think about things better," he suggested, but Sango didn't answer, apparently too busy, tying up her hair.

"Sango?"

"I'm not going back."

"What?"

She raised her eyes to him, a firm gesture on her features. "I said I'm not going back, I can't."

"B-but why not? What the hell are you talking about?" Inuyasha felt anger rising inside him. What was she playing at? Was she trying to test him?

"I can't leave my village again. Just look at what happened while I was away! I can't allow these tombs to be desecrated again! I have to guard them!"

"Are you mad? You can't stay here alone!"

"Then stay with me!"

"What?"

She turned to him, decided.

"Stay here with me, Inuyasha. You said you want to keep my honor, then… do that, marry me and keep my honor and my family's by guarding their memory and their resting places with me."

She extended her hand to him and gave him a hesitant, hopeful smile, but Inuyasha was frozen in his place. Sango withdrew it with a hurt expression.

"We can't stay Sango! There's nothing here!" he burst, flailing his arms.

"We'll re-build it!"

"And what about Kaede?"

"We're not abandoning her, and she's got her own village to look after and who will look after her."

He didn't want to stay. He had to go back, he just had to!

He raised his arms. "It's stupid! You can't just stay here because of the dead! You can't stop your life or change it for all these people who'll never come back!"

"Look who's talking!" Her eyes started to water, but this time, the tears mixed with her anger.

"What do you mean?"

She spoke in a low, furious voice. "How dare you tell me about stopping my life for such thing when you do the same? Why don't you face it? I know why you don't want to stay!"

"Oh yeah? And why's that?"

"Because you can't stay away from the well!"

There was a hole in his stomach, or was it under his feet? Inuyasha felt cold.

"You can't stay with me because you're still waiting for her. Why would I marry you, Inuyasha? What would be the point? The second she comes back, you'll ditch me, and if it never happens, then you'll never be with me… because you'll keep waiting for her, forever. You said yesterday that it wouldn't make any difference if she returned, but that's a lie..." The anger was gone, now it seemed only sadness poured from her.

"That's not true…" he muttered in a low voice.

"Yes… it is… and I'm strong enough to accept it. Now leave and don't worry about me. I shall be fine."

Sango nodded toward the door, her arms crossed protectively over her chest. Inuyasha stood there, frozen. His mind was shredded between accepting the truth in her words and fighting fiercely against them at the same time.

No side could win, so fury took the place of confusion.

"So that's how it's gonna be?" he asked, his face contorted in a grim gesture.

"That's up to you," she answered in a feeble tone.

"No! It's your problem! If you don't want to marry me then just say so but don't come up with that shit! Want me gone? Huh? Watch me!"

Inuyasha turned his back to her, took Tessaiga on his way out and exited the house. He didn't stop when he reached the gates and descended the hill, or after he interned into the woods. He didn't stop even when he heard her first sob escape her, or when he felt his chest being pierced by an invisible knife, or when his eyes started to water.

Inuyasha kept walking.