"Aaaa... AAAAH... AAA-CHOO!" sneezed Monstro. The Gummi Ship popped out of its blowhole and tumbled about for a few seconds then righted itself.
"Gawrsh, I sure hope Geppetto and Pinocchio are okay," Goofy said.
"Yeah, hopefully they landed safely somewhere," Donald added.
Sora, however, was more depressed than either of them, thinking about how he'd now lost his friend to the Dark Side. Oh no! That means that Riku'll be like Anakin and lose all of his limbs and be nothing but nubs then catch on fire and be horribly scarred and have to get robotic arms and legs and a respirator! Argh! What a drama-queen.
"Well now that we've taken care of that totally optional level, let's head to the next world!" Donald said, pointing forward. "Huh..."
"What is it?" Sora asked.
"We might land a little roughly..."
"In the sea? But... but we'll drown!"
"Eh. You might, but I'm a duck. Don't worry, I'll mourn your deaths every day for the rest of my life. But no, with my magic I can make us able to BREATHE underwater."
"Oh... okay..."
Some time later...
"Come on, Sebastian!" Ariel called to her little crab friend.
"Ariel, wait!" Sebastian panted, trying his very best to keep up with her. "Slow down! Don't leave me behind!"
The crab bumped into a horrible monstrosity of nature. Umm... Donald! Yeah. As a duck/octopus. Sebastian understandably started freaking out.
"Chillax, Sebastian," Ariel scoffed. "They don't look like one of them. Right, Flounder?"
"I don't know..." Flounder said in suspicion. "There's something weird about them..."
Sora the merperson chuckled nervously. "W... what do you mean?" he asked, shifting his eyes.
"They do seem a little... different." She noticed Sora's very spikey hair. "Where are you from?"
"Umm... We're from kind of far away," Sora told her.
"Yeah, and uhh... we're not... umm... oh gosh... we're not used to these... waters," Donald said.
Ariel, Sebastian, and Flouder all stared at Donald.
"What?"
Atlantica
"Oh! Nothing," Ariel laughed nervously. "But, if that's the case, then Sebastian can show you how we swim around here."
"No offense to you guys, but I'm starting to have a feeling that this world will be very gay," Sora said. He tried to look apologetic but only succeeded in gaining that look from the Tarzan world. Do you remember it? You can't go back now, you're already so far!
"Well... we do hold the annual Atlantica Happy Day Festival," Sebastian said thoughtfully, putting a claw to his chin.
Just as Sora was about to explain the NEW meaning of the word 'gay', Sebastian decided to get down and teach the trio how to swim in Atlantica. But we'll skip all that because it's boring and like Sora said... kinda gay.
"Good job," Sebastian congratulated them. "Now, let's move on to self-defense..." He struck a Bruce Lee pose.
"Sebastian!" screeched Ariel as she pointed to some scuba-divers nearby. Except they had spears and proppellers and looked really gay.
"Class is over," Sebastian said hurriedly. "Good luck!" He and Flounder hid in a clam shell.
"Oh, HA HA," Sora laughed sarcastically. "That WASN'T the worst pun ever."
Donald gave him a weird look. "What in Walt's name are you talking about?"
"Huh? What's who talking about?"
Donald slapped his forhead and brandished his wizardin' staff. "Shut up, Sora."
"Gawrsh, them's Farceless!" Goofy the sea-turtle said, pointing a flipper at the slowly-approaching Farceless. "Gawrsh, wonder what's takin' 'em so long...?"
"Oh, it's just because nothing in our reality moves at an average rate. Kinda like how Capcom thinks they're making original games," Sora said, crossing his arms. "And yes, that WAS directed at you, Megaman. Get a new story, gosh."
"Well, uhh, whatever that has to do with anything... let's kill the Farceless, Sora!" Donald said.
"WEEEEE!"
Several minutes later...
"Those creatures chased us here," Ariel told her new buds.
"Oh no, Ariel! They might be headed for the palace, too!" Sebastian said, flailing his claws like a knave. He stopped abruptly. "Not that His Majesty couldn't take on every one of those spineless..."
"You're an invertabrate, too," Sora pointed out.
Sebastian sputtered. "Don't you think I know that? I've had to shed this shell every year of my life!"
"We'd better head back right away!" Ariel commanded, ignoring them both.
"But wh-what if we run into more of them on the way back?" Flounder stammered.
"Oh my gosh. Can we stop this for a second? I'm getting sick of all the gayness," Sora said rather rudely.
But everybody ignored him so tough cookies, Sora.
"I'm sorry, but we need your help," Ariel said and kicked Donald out of the party so she could fill in his spot. "We need to go back to the palace right now. The trident markers point to it--we won't get lost as long as we follow them."
Durn back-seat drivers, Sora thought and swam off in the totally wrong direction just to get on Ariel's nerves.
Some time later...
Triton zapped a few Farceless just for the heck of it as the Sora Bunch entered his palace. "That was too close," he said. "So long as I have my trident, I will not tolerate those creatures in my palace!"
"Oh Daddy," giggled Ariel. "You don't tolerate ANYTHING!" She gave him a hug.
Unfortunately, nobody knew that the whole 'so long as I have my trident' thing was blatant foreshadowing. Uh-oh.
"Ariel, when will you listen? It's dangerous out there!" Triton told her. "There are creatures lurking out there! Lurking in the deep."
"As if we didn't know that," Donald whispered to Goofy. Donald had decided to take his place back in the group and kicked Ariel out of HIS spot. Darn it.
Sebastian cleared his throat. "Behold. You swim before the ruler of the seas: His Majesty, King Triton."
"And who are they?" Triton asked with suspicion. "They don't look familiar..."
"They helped kill the monsters!" Ariel said.
"We're from a far-off, magical land called Japan," Sora explained.
"Umm... okay..." said the majority of the Little Mermaid characters.
"Yup! We came to find the Keyhole!" Goofy said with horseshoe eyes.
"The wha?" asked the same people.
"Psst! Goofy! They don't have doors under the sea!" Sora whispered very loudly.
"Did somebody say UNDER THE SEA?" Sebastian said suddenly. Several thousand fish popped in from nowhere and crazy music started up.
"No! No he didn't!" Donald yelled over the music.
"Awww..." said the fish, and would've snapped their fingers in disappointment had they had any. They slowly swam away, their head hung low. No I don't know how they could do that.
"There's no such thing," Triton said defiantly. "Certainly not here!"
"Sure there is! You just have to BELIEVE!" Ariel said whimsically. Then she stopped. "Oh wait... no, you're right."
"Ariel, not another word," Sebastian snapped. No no, vocally, not his claws.
Triton pointed his trident at Ariel. "You are not to leave the palace. Is that clear?"
"But Dad-dee!" whined Ariel. She swam away to her room, crying into her hands.
Sora and his pals decided it was a good time as ever to leave as well.
Triton sighed and sunk into his throne, his chin propped up on one hand. "Do you think I'm too strict? I'm just doing it for her safety..."
"Not at all, Your Majesty!" Sebastian said with a little too much enthusiasm. He added under his breath, "That girl needs to be whipped into shape every now and then anyway..."
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing, Your Majesty! But I must admit, I'm quite curious about this 'Keyhole'..."
"That need not concern you, Sebastian," Triton said firmly. "Now, have you anything important to ramble about?"
"Well, it is just as you suspected, Sire. They seem to come from Ursula's grotto."
Triton 'humphed'. "I knew it. That sea witch is up to no good again... She's just like a terrorist, she never learns her lesson, even after being mortally wounded in a suicide-bomb attempt."
"Uhh... riiiiight," Sebastian drawled.
"And I told you to keep Ariel away from such danger, isn't that right?"
"Sire, I'm only a crab!" the crab wailed.
While Sebastian then went into a long-winded rant about he was the only one of his family who hadn't been served with melted butter in some Red Lobster somewhere, Ariel took this opportunity to follow Sora's party.
Some time later...
"Come to my grotto," Ariel told them quietly, looking around suspiciously. "I want to show you something." They swam for a few minutes before she pointed at a rock face and said, "There it is. See?"
"Uhh, the rock?" Sora guessed.
"...No. What's behind the rock," Ariel said, then pushed the giant boulder aside. Yeah. All by herself. Witness feats of strength by mermaids! She swam inside and the trio followed her. "Look at all the wonderful things Flounder and I've collected! I think it's all from the outside world, but I could be wrong..."
Sora, Donald, and Goofy then laid eyes upon the biggest collection of Star Wars memorabelia they'd ever seen. There was even a life-sized Lego sculpture of Chewbaca.
"Someday," Ariel said, flipping through a few pages of her Star Wars Episode II script, "I'm going to see what's out there. I want to see Tatooine and the Cloud City. Does that sound strange?"
"Nope. Not at all," Sora said, then looked sheepish. "I used to feel the same way..."
Donald's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "YOU were a Star Wars fan?"
"Yeah..."
"Used to?" Ariel asked, puzzled.
"I mean, sometimes I still do," said the boy.
"Well, if I ever get out of here... I'd like to meet Han Solo and Luke and everyone else... I'd want to be... part of that wooooor--"
"No! No singing!" Donald yelled suddenly and knocked over a Princess Leia jewelry box to distract Ariel long enough to grab it before it smashed into the ground which it wouldn't have because it's in the WATER. "Now, say, anybody got anything to say about that Keyhole?"
"Oh right," Ariel chuckled. "Hey, why don't we try to find it?"
"But your father said--" Sora started.
"Oh, he treats me like a little girl," the mermaid said flippantly, rolling her eyes. "I've learned to ignore him now. But he never gives me any freedom. He just... doesn't understand..."
"Oh I know how you feel," Sora replied. "My mom's always nagging at me. 'Close the window before the cat gets out, Sora.' 'If you break something you better fix it, Mister.' I mean, my dexterity isn't that great! I couldn't have fixed that car anyway..."
"And then Daddy let all my sisters go to the ball but he wouldn't let ME!"
"I didn't mean to break the world's largest, unbreakable diamond, gosh."
"Goofy, is it just me or does Sora seem a little... different all of a sudden?" Donald asked Goofy.
"Gawrsh, whaddya mean, Donald?"
"I mean that he's starting to act a little... feminine."
"What do you mean?"
"Well... sympathizing with a girl, for one thing. Maybe it's just the femininity of the whole world or something. Because right now I have the inexplicable urge to eat a whole carton of peanut butter fudge ice cream while watching a tear-jerking movie."
"Uhh... a-hyuck..."
"So anyway," Ariel said, getting back on track. "Wanna go look?"
"Yeah, sure."
And all the while, the walls had pinchers. Ugh gosh. What a bad pun.
Meanwhile...
Ursula was watching through the eyes of her eels Flotsam and Jetsam what you just read. So it'd be a little redundant to re-write the whole thing, huh? Yeah. It would. "Those impudent fools will never find the Keyhole!" She was smiling triumphantly, but then her face fell. "Maybe it's because we don't have any doors, like that fool child said...? Whatever." She waved the thought off. "But the girl could prove useful. And I've got the Farceless on my side. Triton, my old friend... Your day is coming."
She broke into evil laughter like your average villainess.
Un-meanwhile...
Sora and the gang, which now consisted of himself, Donald, Goofy, Ariel, and some other people (who were subsequently shoo'd off by Donald), swam up to what looked like a trident. Made out of crystal. A crystal trident.
"Hm," Ariel pondered aloud. "Its shape reminds me of something..."
Sora gave her a 'wtf' look mixed with one of those 'you're a moron' looks that he had received so many times that it was implanted into his brain. "You think? I mean... it's a crystal TRIDENT. Emphasis on the TRIDENT."
"I wonder what it could be..." the mermaid continued to ponder aloud, ignoring him.
So they went back to her grotto and slipped it into a convenient trident-shaped hole in the wall. It fit like a glove! If only someone were there to make the bad joke.
"Darn it, Ariel!" boomed Triton, appearing out of nowhere behind the group. He nearly made our main trio die of heart attacks, but Ariel was probably used to it now so she just turned to him with a look of horror unconvincingly plastered on her face. "You've disobeyed me again! I told you not to leave the palace!" In bitterness, he pointed his trident at the crystal trident and made it explode.
"Argh!" argh'd Sora and the author in unison, though the author could not be heard because really... nobody wants to hear her.
"Daddy, no!" Ariel pleaded, but it was TOO LATE NOW. She sputtered, looking for the right words, until she just muttered, "How could you..." Then she swam away like a drama queen.
Triton ignored her and turned to Sora. "Young man, you're not from another ocean. You're from another world!"
BUM BUM BUUUUUUM!
"Aren't you? Don't bother answering, I know you are. But then, you must be the keybearer, correct?"
"Umm... no I'm not?" Sora tried, shifting his eyes around the room.
"Yes you are!"
"Okay... How'd you know?"
"You may fool my fool child of a daughter, but you can't fool me," Triton said with narrowed eyes. "You don't know your dorsal fin from your tail, and you're an idiot to boot. But as the keybearer, you must already know that you're not allowed to meddle in the affairs of other worlds."
"Gawrsh! That's what I keep tellin' him, Yer Majesty, but he won't listen!" Goofy griped. "A-hyuck!"
"SILENCE, sea-turtle-dog-thing!" Triton yelled, pointing his trident at Goofy.
"Well I may remember knowing that at one point," replied Sora, shifting his eyes again. "But--"
"You have violated this principle," the sea king interrupted him. "The keybearer shatters peace and brings ruin!"
"No I..." But Sora really thought about it. In fact... he had done at least ONE thing to mess things up in the other worlds! Let's count 'em.
Attracting the Farceless to Traverse Town... After interrupting the trial Alice disappeared... Made a deal with the ruler of the Underworld to compete in some silly tournament... Trusted Clayton and made Tarzan reveal the whereabouts of his gorilla homies... Broke the rotted wooden boards that the tax payers of Traverse Town had paid for... Left Jasmine to die in the streets of Agrabah and had Abu killed by the Chamber of Secrets Guardian... Almost let Riku kidnap Pinocchio... And now he's tainted the mind of Ariel into thinking she can go see other worlds and basically ruined their whole happy family!
Geez Sora.
"Oh wait, yeah I have. Never mind."
"I thank you for saving my daughter, but in my ocean there is no room for you or your key," Triton said, and one could almost feel the resentment he held toward Sora. How dramatic.
Of course Goofy just had to ruin the moment. "Aw, but Sora's just a li'l fella!"
Everybody slapped their forheads as Goofy smiled obliviously.
Meanwhile...
Ariel sobbed quietly into her hands, laying on a nice comfortable-looking flat rock. Flotsam and Jetsam weaved through the water up to her, smirked at each other, then gained friendly smiles.
"My, my, the poor dear suffers such deep sorrow," Jetsam said.
"What a pity," Flotsam said, shaking his head. Then he coughed, "If only there were something we could do," rather obviously.
"Wait... maybe she can be of some help..."
"Yes, maybe she can be of some help to you..."
Ariel sniffled pathetically. "Who are you taking about?"
"Oh, she would surely help you," Jetsam assured her. "She'd make all your dreams come true."
A few minutes later, they'd led Ariel to Ursula's grotto, which was nicely furnished but had the occassional evil thing in the background, like a vial of human eyeballs or something. Nothing much.
Ursula, in a cozy armchair by one of those fires you can plug in (though... why is it working?) and reading a blank newspaper, looked up suddenly and slipped off her lensless glasses. "You called, deary?"
"Uhh, you're Ursula?" Ariel said meekly. "I was just wondering if--"
Ursula swam over and wrapped a big purple arm around Ariel's shoulders. "It's all right, honey. Helping others is what I live for. Let me guess: You want to see other worlds. ...That actually shouldn't be too hard... Your new friends came from another world, after all."
The mermaid gasped. "What?"
"But they had special help--that mysterious key," Ursula went on. Ariel looked kind of betrayed. The sea witch held Ariel's chin gently in one of her meaty yet delicate hands. She looked sympathetic. "Now, now, cheer up, sweetie. You have something special, too, you know."
"Huh?"
"Just listen up..." She leaned in close to the mermaid, and said quietly, "I think the Keyhole they seek is somewhere in the palace. Now, dear, if you could take it without your poppee knowing, then I think I can help you get to those worlds you long for..."
Meanwhile...
"You ever have a sense that while we're doing something, somebody totally evil and cunning is plotting evil schemes?" Sora asked with a thoughtful look.
"Well yeah," Donald said. "Goofy and I've experienced that a lot in our day."
"Ah. Just wondering." He then smiled idiotically and started humming a merry tune as they proceeded into Triton's throne room for some reason.
"GASP!" gasped the three as they entered the room.
Ursula was floating near the throne with Triton's trident in hand, laughing maniacally with Ariel looking distraught right by her.
"No, Ursula! I... I didn't want this!"
The sea witch stopped laughing abruptly and gave her a 'wtf' look. "Didn't want what? I haven't DONE anything yet," Ursula said.
"Oh, well then... never mind."
"Whatever."
Triton entered from the OTHER throne room and gasped in shock. And horror. And hunger. "What the--" Before he could really say anything, though, Ursula turned him into some kind of weed thingy attached to the floor. Uhhh, yeeeah.
"Why not? Aren't you tired of following your dear poppee's orders? Like a rebellious youth? Hmm? Oh yes. We had a deal, didn't we?" She smiled widely, her perfectly white teeth showing. "Time for a trip--TO THE TASTELESS WORLD OF THE FARCELESS!"
"AAAAH!" screeched Ariel, sheilding her face with her hands.
Ursula stopped suddenly and looked over her shoulder to where the trio were still fixated in horror. She turned casually to them. "Well, well, well. Looks like we've got company! I'm afraid you're a little late, handsome!" In a fit of evil giggles, she disappeared into the shadows.
Sora made an extreme 'wtf' face. "Was that lady coming onto me?" he asked nobody in particular.
"Uhh, umm..." said nobody in particular. He shifted around. "I don't know!" Then he disappeared off the face of the ocean floor because he wanted to, I guess. (shrugs)
Ariel swam down to her weed-ish father and sobbed loudly. "Daddy!" she gasped, cradling the head.
"A...ri...el?" Triton gasped ala Maxi from Soul Calibur III. "The trident, we must get it back..."
"Come on, let's go!" Sora said, pointing the Keyblade onward. What a pose.
"Wait!" Ariel said, swimming up to them. "I'm coming with you. My father is a little weed thingy and it's all my fault. I have to stop Ursula!"
"Well, uhh... whatever, I wasn't planning on it, but I guess you can come," Sora said. He added quietly, "If you want..."
"That's right," Sebastian said from nowhere. "I'm behind you, Ariel."
Triton looked up dismally. "Ursula draws her power from her cauldron. To defeat her, you must attack the cauldron without mercy."
Sora snorted. "Well that's a retarded way to contain your power! I mean... even I'M smarter than that."
"Shut up, Sora," Donald said.
Some time later...
"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Sora said in a sing-song voice, looking under various furniture and small knick-knacks around Ursula's house. "You can't hide forever!"
"Oh yes I can!" yelled Ursula, coming out of the shadows. She had the most frightening look on her face that half of Sora's HP meter disappeared from the scaring it caused him.
"ARGH!" came Sora's MAJOR argh.
So then they fought Ursula and her pets. And they WON, biznatch. Sora's peeps, not Ursula. Oh no! Why would she win? You should know by now that Disney villains win once but they're horrible at winning anything a SECOND time.
"You'll pay for this!" Ursula declared, shaking an angry fist at them and then swimming away.
"Let's go," Ariel said in a determined sort of way. "We have to get the trident back."
And a-WAY they go...
"You PATHETIC fools!" Ursula barked.
"Yeah? Well, I know I am, but what're YOU?" came Sora's retort. He looked confused. "No, that doesn't sound right..."
Ignoring him, Ursula continued, "I rule the seas now! Mwa-HAHAHAHA!" Holding up the trident, her right arm glowed and she grew about twenty times her original size. "The sea and all its spoils will bow to ME now!" She chortled once more.
One defeated octowoman later...
"Daddy, I'm so sorry," Ariel said, the trident in her hands. By some magical coincidence, the weed formerly known as Triton was Triton once more! She handed the trident to him. "Please forgive me..."
"It's my fault," Triton said, looking lovingly at her. "You followed Ursula because... I wouldn't let you follow your heart and become a Star Wars junky."
"What, no 'farce' related spoofs of that line? Are you startin' to slip up?" Sora challenged the author.
"Who the heck are you talking to, Sora?" Donald asked.
"NOBODY," Sora said, glaring in the author's direction. Although... she's absolutely nowhere in the story...
"When you found that crystal," Triton continued, ignoring Sora, "I lost my temper and destroyed it."
"Yeah, what was that about?"
"That crystal held the power to reveal the Keyhole. It is dangerous. I had to keep you away from it at any cost."
"Well that's a pretty fool-proof way of doing it... IF you want to be dealing with the Farceless for the rest of your life!"
Everybody ignored Sora again.
Triton turned to him. "Key bearer, I have one request: Seal the Keyhole. My trident holds the power to reveal the Keyhole, as well. As if you couldn't figure that out. But maybe you couldn't, since you're such a... never mind. Anyway, will you do it?"
The boy scoffed. "Well, not NOW."
After Donald beat him up, he agreed, and he said in a strained voice, "Of course! That's... that's what we intended from the start... Owww, my kidneys..."
"Where is the Keyhole, Daddy?" Ariel asked, not seeming to notice Sora's pained moans from behind.
"You should know better than anyone else, Ariel," her poppee told her. "It's in your grotto."
"Really... let's go, Sora," Goofy said.
"Yeah, okay..." wheezed Sora.
Some time later...
"You know, when you sealed the Keyhole it looked considerably less cool than it did in the other worlds," Donald said. He held up a piece of paper that was oddly in really good shape for being under water. "At least we got the third of Ansem's reports..."
"Tell me, Sora," Ariel started conversationally, "what's your world like?"
"Oh yeah, that. Sorry for lying to you," Sora apologized as if it wasn't a big thing to lie to somebody about being from a different world. No, no, nope. No biggy.
"Don't worry about it. Besides... if you can travel to different worlds, maybe I can, too," Ariel rambled whimsically. She swam up to the hole in the top of her grotto and looked out. "So many places I want to see... I know I'll get there someday. I'm sure of it."
"Well, if you do find a way to do it," Sebastian told her crabbily (ugh), "leave me out of it, please."
There was a moment of silence between them all.
Then Sora said, "Well this world sucked."
"Yeah. Wanna go to the Halloween world?" Donald asked.
"Do I!"
With that, they left Ariel looking even more confused that she felt.
TO BE CONTINUED!