NOTE3: Rath is Rath, Michael's dupe from Roswell but instead of being an Alien he's an X5 from Dark Angel... I liked Rath. But my version of Rath isn't a punk type of guy. Yes he has the Tattoos and such but he looks more like Michael… I just wanted him called Rath since there is already a Michael in the fic.

CHAPTER 19

WEEK LATER: HOUSE

"How was your appointment yesterday?" Sark questions as he and Sydney pick up the living room after the kids are in bed.

Sydney shrugs "She said there wasn't any permanent damage."

"Are we going to discuss what happened or is this another one of Sydney Bristow's never discuss issues?" He shakes his head "You know what... I'm not going to try." He drops the toy in his hand in the laundry basket, "You know where to find me if you want to discuss this." He starts to walk towards the back door leading to the porch.

"Why do you want to discuss this?"

"It was my child as well Sydney." He reminds looking at her sadly. "You aren't the only one this affects." He walks out onto the porch leaving Sydney standing there.

Sydney stares after him surprised. 'He's right. I haven't thought about how this affected him.' She sits on the couch, 'Only two out of his four children have survived... and he lost Alexa for so long... and Niko for a while as well.' She bites her lip hugging herself. 'Suck it up Sydney and go talk to him. He's comforted you as much as you have allowed him and yet you haven't taken into account his feelings.' She looks out to the porch to see Sark sitting on the back steps with a cigarette in a hand. After a few moments of thought Sydney takes a deep breath standing she walks to the door. "Why do you even smoke? Its a disgusting habit." She demands when she sees Sark standing on the back porch smoking.

Sark shrugs looking at the cigarette, "I have no idea why I smoke... just do. Its not like I smoke all the time." He stubs out the cigarette in the ashtray as she sits next to him handing him his glass of wine. "Thanks." He takes a sip of his wine setting the glass next to him.

"You were right. I haven't really thought about your feelings over this. Sorry."

Sark nods "I know how hard this has been for you Sydney." He laces their fingers bringing her hand to his lips then releasing her hand.

"Its just... the chance of it happening would have been less if I had told you before we left. Besides finding a good time to tell you it was hard to figure out how."

"Why?" Sark asks softly.

Sydney shrugs "We never discuss how things are going to go for us." She nervously tucks her hair behind her ears. "We never discussed having another child."

"No we didn't." Sark acknowledges reluctantly. "Maybe we should have that discussion... when you're ready." He adds

"Sark... despite the fact I didn't know how to tell you I did want the baby."

"I know you did." He pulls her close kissing her temple.

Sydney closes her eyes, "Where are we going Sark?"

"I don't know Sydney. I wish I knew."

Sydney looks at Sark, "Before we discuss another child... we need to figure out where we're going because I don't know if having another child is a good idea if we don't know how we feel about each other."

"Sydney I" Sark pauses 'Do I love her? Can I love her? Can I risk losing her like I lost my Mother and Eva?'

"I'm not saying we need to discuss this now but we need to discuss it... one day." She kisses him lightly then stands, "I'm going to bed... you coming?"

"I'll be up in a while."

"All right." Sydney pauses in the doorway wanting to say something but changes her mind and walks into the house.

Sark picks up his wine and takes a sip, 'Well that was progress.' He thinks dryly. 'But she's right... we can't just have another child without knowing where we're going.' He runs his fingers through his hair. 'I feel something for her... is it love... or something else?' He downs the rest of his wine then stands walking into the house.

MIDNIGHT

Sark immediately opens his eyes when he feels Sydney awaken with a startled gasp. "Are you OK?" He asks softly. When she doesn't reply he sits up and gently brushes her hair back, "What was it about?"

Sydney shakes her head as she lies down she shifts to her side her back to him. As she feels him lie next to her she reaches back for his hand lacing their fingers, "Why does everything with us have to be confusing?" She asks softly.

"We live confusing lives." Sark replies kissing her shoulder.

"Do you ever wish we had normal lives?"

"Not really." Sark admits

"Why not?"

"I tried to avoid wishing things. Wishing failed me as a boy so I avoid it."

"OK so do you wonder how things would have been if we had normal lives?"

"It is still a form of wishing." Sark remarks

"So you don't?"

"I can't. I did the whole 'I wish' 'I wonder' issue when my Mother died. I did it again when I lost them. I stopped wishing and wondering after a while... it hurt too much."

Sydney nods squeezing his hand, "I always wonder things. I can't help it."

"Dwelling causes pain Sydney. Pain equals weakness."

"You or Mom talking?"

"Both. Irina taught me that... drilled it into me after what happened. She told me that by allowing my pain to stay on the surface and to dwell on it it would cause weakness leading to death." He kisses her shoulder "Get some sleep Syd. We have work in the morning." He listens as her breathing evens out and he follows her into sleep.

DAWN: BEACH

Sark sits on the rocks watching the water as the sun comes up. 'Do I love Sydney? Can I love her?' He sighs as his phone rings reaching into his pocket he pulls out his phone flipping it open, "Yes?"

"I woke up and you weren't here."

Sark smiles faintly, "Couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you."

"I woke up anyway."

"So go back to sleep."

"What's the sun look like on the beach?"

"Beautiful." Sark answers

"Are you still mad?"

"I wasn't mad Sydney. You'd know if I was."

"Sark"

"Go back to sleep Syd. We'll talk about this later." Sark hangs up.

On the other end Sydney stares at the phone and scowls, 'Damn him. He is not getting away from this conversation.' She throws off the covers pulling on her clothes and shoes she walks out of the bedroom going to Alexa's, "Alexa"

Alexa groans, "What time is it?"

"Dawn. Look your Dad's out and I need to go take care of something. If your brother wakes can you deal with him?" Sydney asks. "I shouldn't be long."

"Yeah sure." Alexa says groggily rolling over she closes her eyes.

"We have our phones so call if he wakes." Sydney hurries out of the bedroom leaving Alexa's door open so she can hear Niko.

FEW MINS LATER: BEACH

"Why do you always hang up on me in the middle of conversations?" Sydney demands

Sark turns his head to see Sydney standing there her arms crossed over her chest glaring at him. "Because we both know there is a very high probability our phones are tapped." Sark stands "Where are the kids?"

"Still in bed. I woke Alexa and told her I was leaving and you were gone." Sydney walks the remaining few steps to Sark. "We are going to finish last night's conversation." Sydney says firmly

"Sydney"

Sydney glares at him "Just let me say this"

"Fine."

"I know I didn't take into account how what happened would affect you... at least not verbally but I did know Sark. We are so much alike Sark that some times I just forget that maybe we actually need to talk about things. I mean look at us... since we have met we have been able to almost guess what each other would do." She sits on the rocks and looks out at the water as Sark sits next to her. "Its a week today."

Sark nods "I know." He slides his arm around her shoulders, "I know" he kisses her temple.

Sydney rests her head on his shoulder, "After Niko I shoved aside the idea of anymore kids."

"Why? You are an incredible Mom."

"I didn't want to deal with the same lies I had to deal with when Danny was alive. I couldn't get involved with or marry some guy and not tell him about Niko." She sighs "I had enough to deal with than deal with some guy having issues with finding out and keeping my secret."

Sark runs his fingers through her hair, "I'm sorry keeping him a secret hurt you."

Sydney looks at Sark, "I had no choice." She says sadly. "We could have lost him if people knew. We had to do it."

"And why won't you tell Jack about the miscarriage?"

"Because I know he'll blame you... no matter what I'd say to him he'd blame you. You two have enough issues to deal with." Sydney shrugs "Maybe I will tell him one day... just not now."

Sark reaches up gently brushing her hair back, "It is your decision Sydney. I won't force you to tell him but I think he needs to know."

Sydney nods "One day maybe."

Sark kisses her forehead "Your decision." He looks back at the water. "Syd"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking about what you said last night"

"About?" Sydney looks at him puzzled.

"Figuring out how we feel about each other."

"That"

"Yes that"

"What about it?" Sydney asks looking at him. "Did you figure everything out?"

"No, I'm still... conflicted."

"Then what?"

Sark stands walking a few steps he speaks after a moment of thought, "Eva was the first woman I truly loved. When I lost her and Lex I swore I wouldn't let myself get that attached again." He turns to look at Sydney "Then you came into my life... threw everything out the window. What I said in Greece is true Sydney... what I feel for you, whatever it is, makes me feel, for the only time ever, that I'm cheating on Eva, I don't like that feeling Sydney. When we married, I never once thought about cheating on her. Figuring out how I feel about you is... hard for me Sydney."

Sydney steps up to him, "You think this isn't hard for me either? We were enemies Sark. You tried to kill me, I tried to kill you."

"Yeah we didn't have a good start in life." Sark says dryly.

"No ya think." Sydney says sarcastically. "Look we both have a lot to figure out in terms of where this relationship is going. Unlike normal people, we can't take a break and not see each other for a few weeks. We just have to take the time to figure this all out."

"Then we'll figure this out." Sark runs his fingers through Sydney's hair.

Sydney nods giving him a faint smile, "We should get back to the house."

"Agreed." Sark nods "So one day you'll admit you like me huh?"

"We'll see." Sydney retorts "God you are such an arrogant ass."

"You like my ass."

Sydney rolls her eyes "You are the one who likes my ass."

"What's not to like?" Sark shrugs

"Oh shut up. You have such an ego"

Sark smirks, "Come on you like my ego... and my ass."

"Pig." 'We'll figure this all out.'

TBC…

Now posted on my site http/inquisitive1swork.