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Shot 3
Stoplight
AN: Technically "The Stoplight Shot" but for this fic, it's just "Stoplight". Also, triggers. This one is rough. You've been warned.
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The TV on the wall was generally ignored by one Sebastian Smythe as he made his rounds. He was usually too busy to pay attention to the news that was piped for whatever reason in every single waiting room in the country. It didn't matter what people were waiting for, planes, appointments, whatever, it was just always on. He had boycotted free television for that particular reason, there was enough pain and sadness and anger in life around him without hearing about it 24/7. This was a hospital, patients were already in pain, they needn't hear the dramas of the day around the world. They had enough for themselves if they were waiting on him anyway.
His home was free of the news, well, at least the 'top news' that was piped through the rest of the building. He had tried to make it free of all news but it had been vetoed in return. However, both he and his partner had agreed on creating it a safe space and so only positive as in uplifting or important news was shared if it wasn't personal.
There were only a few occasions that he's been thankful for this TV that he has to walk by a hundred times a day. He found out about a few significant world disasters through it, including one that even his own hospital hadn't heard until moments after the news released it. The incoming call had been right on the heels of Sebastian hearing about the major disaster that struck the city.
He'd been at the hospital for days before he was finally released into the warm arms of his fiance.
His fiance, who had shown up every day with amazing coffee, healthy snacks and meals for not only Sebastian but for all of those on duty with him. It wasn't just every day of the event, but periodically too, a nice surprise for those who worked in these halls so hard and long.
Sebastian was pretty sure his fiance was better liked around these parts than he was. Sebastian might have the charm and the looks and the smarts, but his fiance had the heart (and looks and smarts and charm). Sebastian couldn't count the number of times he'd heard praise, compliments and small jibes about how lucky Sebastian was and how wonderful his fiance was.
A name he heard as he crossed the large expanse of hall that he had to dissect between the surgery suite, his office and his clinical rooms. It caught his attention despite his thoughts being a million miles away from the love of his life and his smiling face and wicked color-changing eyes. His thoughts were split between many different fractions – his staff, his last patient, the ones he had to see still among so many other things. He was trying to slip around the waiting room of his future patients by taking an earlier door but the name wiggled into his brain. He stopped short, wondering if it would be said again. It was a famous enough name, but he'd never heard it in these halls outside of his relation to Sebastian.
He waited to see if he would hear it again. He looked around the room and hallways, wondering if someone was just gossiping. It was a name that always stopped him up short, so unique and yet so familiar. The name held so much significance to Sebastian that his ears were always attuned for it, even in places it might not belong. It had been said in places it hadn't belonged before and he'd been glad for that personal trait of his, always attuned to that name and was able to set things right before they got out of hand.
He shook his head, wondering if the brain was pulling tricks on him and he started to walk again. He would send him a text, just to let him know he was thinking of him, (even if he hadn't realized he was, but he was always there with him anyway). The brain had a way to do that, something in the dark resources holding onto it and just expressing it as an audio-illusion. His fiance would enjoy the text too, so it was a win-win. It didn't hurt to check in on him anyway, it was just earlier than he'd normally send one.
Then he heard it again. Nobody in the halls or behind desks were talking, too engrossed in whatever they were looking at. Then he realized it was kind of tinny and he glanced at the TV across the way, situated in the corner for the best possibility to be seen by all. His heart froze in his chest as the images on the screen were of three different locations. One was the faces of the desk
"journalists" as they asked questions. The other had an ambulance on a high way with the lights going, taken from a helicopter. The third was what was really tripping Sebastian up. There was a reporter in front of a wreckage scene. It looked bad, and Sebastian for a second wondered if they should be preparing for incoming.
Then he heard it again, with his attention fully on the screen. "Kurt Hummel, 27, was reported at being at the scene and is being taken to The Brookyln Hospital Center." The reporter made a face as she listened to something on the other end of her ear piece. "I hear he's in critical condition and that he was unconscious when they loaded him into the ambulance. Our hearts and thoughts are with Mr. Hummel."
One at the desk took over. "Our thoughts and prayers are with all of those involved in the deadly accident." She said, chiding the one in the field softly without calling her out directly.
The man next to her clear his throat. "As you know, the accident victims have been declared DOA. Mr. Hummel is the sole survivor and we are hoping for some good news in all this tragedy." His eyes betrayed him, he was really disturbed by the announcement. Sebastian had seen him talk with dead eyes of planes crashing and talking to cancer victims, yet he was moved by his fiance being taken to the hospital after a car crash? Kurt deserved that kind of respect and feeling but it annoyed Sebastian too. Maybe the man was just a fan of Kurt's acting.
Then it sunk in and he reached out for a wall. Kurt was heading to a hospital, in critical condition. Sebastian leaned against the wall, trying to find his breath.
"Kurt Hummel is a Broadway actor starring currently in Wicked as Fiyero. He's been seen in other roles such as Billy Bigelow from Carousel and Joe from Show Boat. He's done a few other projects in different capacities and has stared in a few off-Broadway originals to critical acclaim. He's been slotted to star in South Pacific as Emile de Becque, thanks to his impeccable French accent impersonation."
They were memorializing him, and they couldn't do that! He was still alive! It spurred Sebastian into movement and he rushed to his office, calling out to the receptionist that he passed to cancel the rest of his day, maybe start canceling tomorrow too.
He had somewhere far more pressing to be.
His phone slipped out of his pocket as he discarded whatever he wouldn't need and grab his keys and a change of shoes. He didn't care that he was still in his scrubs, it would lend power to the move he would inevitably have to make. He had no rights at that hospital. He called his de facto father on his way out. "Kurt." He said in greeting when the man answered.
"Sebastian, what happened?" The man asked and Sebastian nearly broke down as he took the stairs, nearly jumping floors in his hurry but knew he couldn't get to Kurt or be any help if he broke his leg or his neck.
"Accident, your hospital."
The man cleared his throat and attempted to be the calming figure but he was obviously distressed by the pieces he'd put together. Sebastian could hear movement and a TV clicking on and then flipping to another news channel. Sebastian wasn't sure which one he had landed on but the man's gasp was enough to know that he heard about it too. The banner on the bottom of the screen was all a twitter about it. Kurt was a big deal and big news, even if he was just starting to get off the ground, he'd been in some big performances and was in big roles and he was the only survivor to an accident that looked big. Of course his name would be bandied about, especially as it was a famous name, even in smaller circles. He was a public figure and it would pull in viewers. It had with Sebastian and his mentor.
The man asked something that had Sebastian sobering up slightly, allowing him to be a bit more in control of his body and actions as he headed out to the line of cars waiting for patrons. He gave the name of the hospital Kurt was going to and the cabby looked at him critically for a second, then took in his scrubs, shrugged and figured Sebastian had a split shift between hospitals or something.
"What's Kurt doing in Brooklyn?" His as good as a father asked and Sebastian caught up short, not sure why he'd be there either.
"Maybe meeting up with Rachel? Maybe Santana?" Santana especially ended up pulling Kurt to the weirdest places on the planet. Rachel had pulled Kurt with her to random haunts under the pretense of 'research'. Sometimes Kurt went on his own, despite Sebastian's recommendations or worries. Although if Kurt did, he was usually pretty good about warning Sebastian ahead of time. Usually 'ahead of time' meant just before he stepped out of the subway stairway and into the area of town Sebastian would have likely have sent bodyguards with. "Oh God, what if they've died?" Sebastian hadn't even thought about their old friends who would have been the likeliest culprits in Kurt's deflection off his usual path/area that they frequented. Kurt was an explorer by nature but he usually stuck to areas he knew Sebastian wouldn't have a heart attack over.
He'd be sad about them but they were always going to be secondary to Kurt.
"Maybe they weren't part of the accident. Maybe you should try to call them?" Mikhail suggested softly. "I'll call the hospital, see what I can find out." He was the head surgeon and director for that particular medical chain. Sebastian didn't have rights to it, having chosen to work in tandem at a competing company. Mikhail had never been upset by it, had found it to be a beneficiary relationship for both of them. In that he could honestly say to patients that he knew their doctor was a good choice if their insurances changed and they asked.
Mikhail still practiced on a limited basis, despite his company protesting the split role. Mikhail refused to be completely detached from the present and problems that his doctors and staff were facing and unaware of the newest advancements. "Call me back?" Mikhail asked and Sebastian nearly protested, he wanted Mikhail to call him with news, but even as he opened his mouth, he understood the value of that request. Already his phone was blowing up with texts and phone calls and he could barely hear him over the buzzing.
"Yeah." Sebastian agreed. "Call me first if you find anything out, though."
Mikhail agreed and Sebastian looked down at his phone to see who was all showing up on his screen. Nobody that he wanted or needed to talk to. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Hummel flash across the screen but it was the senior Hummel and Sebastian tried to catch him before it went to voicemail. He didn't have anything significant he could tell his future father-in-law but he still needed to speak with him. "Burt." He greeted with a broken breath, his voice cracking as he said the man's name who was nearly a father to him as well. "I don't know anything, I just heard myself. I was in surgery until five minutes ago."
There was a long pause on the other end. He heard Burt shouting orders at staff and Carole's voice trying to direct people too. They'd been through this too many times already. This was completely unfair, this family had been through enough already. He'd been through enough already. Kurt- Kurt was a magnet for bad apparently. He would wrap his fiance up in bubble wrap if he survived this.
Burt made a distressed sound as Sebastian's words reached him and breathed in sharply. "Ok, ok, how are you holding up son?" He asked, surprisingly calm and collected despite the sounds that precluded the words. There was worry still sharp in the tones but he wasn't rushed sounding or angry or anything Sebastian could have anticipated. He didn't know why, but he thought Burt should be angry with him. He failed to keep his son safe.
"I-" And he crumpled back against the car seat, now having to face his own inner turmoil. "I don't know." His voice was scratchy and difficult to use. He had at least a half hour drive out to Brooklyn from Mount Sinai. "I haven't had a chance to process. How did you-".
"I'm a congressman, son. I am kept up to date on any news pertaining my son, especially after-." Burt's voice cracked on the word and was unable to say the name they all knew he was alluding to. "I put closer monitoring tabs on Kurt after that and the bashing."
Sebastian had wanted to ramp things up too, but Kurt fought him on it. Sebastian hadn't pushed too hard, not when Kurt had already been bruised and hurt. He hadn't wanted to add to any distress or nightmares that might follow. Kurt had been surprisingly resilient afterward. When Sebastian had asked, Kurt admitted that after growing up in public school where he had and how he was treated, the hospital visit was actually not the worst he'd gone in for. At least this time it was because of his own actions, even if not by choice.
It had not made Sebastian feel at ease at all but he didn't push it. He wanted to respect Kurt's autonomy, especially since Burt seemed chill. Chiller, in fact, than Sebastian had ever expected from Papa-Bear and after all his threats directed at Sebastian when he first started dating his son. Now he realized Burt had just gone around Kurt's back and was checking in on him outside of his awareness. Sebastian wished he hadn't been duped right along with Kurt. If he'd known Burt had gone nuclear with his surveillance, then Sebastian would have pushed for more security around Kurt more frequently. He'd been following Burt's lead. Well, he wouldn't go against his own instincts in the future, no matter what Burt said or did.
Sebastian raised a shaky hand to run through his hair, wishing for a strong drink to take the edge off, and encountered his surgical hat. He threw it off onto the seat next to him. It was disposable, he already forgot about it once it was out of the way. His hand went back to hair and raked through it with nerves and tension and fear for his fiance. He urged the driver to go faster but it was no use, they were in a standstill. Public transportation would take even longer and were not always reliable. He did not want to get stuck underground for three hours or share a bus that stopped every few hundred feet and make unlimited number of transfers as he got close but not close enough to his destination before whipped away in a different direction.
He couldn't talk to Burt, it was just making it worse, he had other calls he had to make, had to check and see where others were in correlation to Kurt. He had to feel like he was doing something! "Are-?"
"We're coming up tonight." Burt confirmed. "Keep me in the loop?"
"Of-Of course." Sebastian was stuttering now. He hung up on Burt without really meaning to but he didn't call him back or send an apology text. He curled over his lap and held the phone in both hands, refusing to look at any of the names or calls or texts constantly appearing on it. He knew he had to call the girls, they were the first in a long list that were possibly with Kurt, but he couldn't find it in him to do so just then. He was having trouble breathing and tears were threatening to spill in a never-ending wave.
His body was shaking, his thoughts in a whirl. He couldn't grasp onto on thing at the moment, Kurt's face kept cutting through any logical steps he could take. He'd already reached out to the two most important people in their lives outside of each other. He just couldn't handle talking to anyone else. He just wanted to be at Kurt's side, holding his hand and reassuring himself on Kurt's diagnosis and prognosis. He just wanted to be at Kurt's side, and holding his hand. Nothing was more important than that.
Breathing was hard, thinking was hard. His chest hurt too much and his eyes stung and pooled with unshed tears. He was useless and he was supposed to be the one who kept a cool head, made rational decisions in the face of so much chaos and drama and mitigating factors.
"You ok, sir?" The driver asked, looking back at him and Sebastian didn't hear him at first. "Sir?"
It had the ability to pull him into himself a little more, pull himself together somewhat. He pushed back the desire to cry, there would be plenty of time in the future for that. A reporter claiming someone was critical did not mean it was true. They were drama hounds, they needed to make it sound good for an audience to tune in. They didn't know what they were talking about most of the time. They weren't in possession of all the facts or up to date with the most recent changes before they reported on a situation. He shook his head and tried to clear it, ignoring the fact that they had more facts than even he did at the moment.
He waved at the cab driver. "Fine, fine, thanks." He pulled his phone's directory up and scrolled down to two names close to each other in the dictionary but nowhere near each other in personality. He bypassed the first for the second, Santana's snark would be grounding at the very least. He called her over her more hysterical classmate and former roommate.
"Sebastian?" Her voice reflected her surprise regarding his call. "I'm at work right now, we're running lines and blocking. What do you need?" That was probably the nicest she would ever be to an unsuspecting caller and only because they had come to an uneasy truce. She knew that if Sebastian was calling her during working hours that it was important, very important and likely concerning their connecting individual. Though they had become more friendly with each other over the years and even texted each other obscene or obscure references they knew the other would get. They'd made plans and hung out themselves and without others before too.
That answered his question and he nearly hung up on her without saying anything but her voice cut across the line again. "Sebastian? Are you ok? Is Kurt ok?"
"No." He choked out and then did cut the line.
She tried calling him right back but he was already in his directory looking for Rachel's name. All these calls and texts inbound was making the simplest thing difficult, covering up things he was trying to click on or find. He finally got to Rachel's name and called her, not wanting to bother with texts because anything she text back would be buried among all the others.
"I heard the news!" Rachel screeched the second they connected and Sebastian just hung up the phone, that was an answer too.
Who else would have dragged Kurt out of his usual routine, away from the areas they frequented? Away from the closer distance he would have normally been in relative to Sebastian's vicinity? He willed his brain to think, chanting over and over again 'think, think, think'. He stumbled upon, almost by chance, Elliot's name. Kurt hadn't spent much time with him over the last year but that didn't mean much, friendships were like that, ebb and flow. Maybe one of them got it in their head to check out industrial spaces or explore the urban jungle.
They were finally reaching the bridge and Sebastian could feel the noose around his lungs loosening. He was getting closer, it wasn't much longer now, but it was still too far, too long. He called Elliot and the man answered on the first ring. "Thank God, Sebastian-."
It was an inclusive answer and Sebastian cut over him. "Were you with him?" And then he blinked as he realized how that sounded. "Next to him, today? Did you see him?"
"No." Elliot's voice was strangled. "Is he ok?"
Elliot cared about Kurt, time apart wouldn't change that and more importantly, Kurt cared about Elliot, Sebastian had to respect that. Elliot had never been a problem, had always been an utter gentleman and put up with Sebastian and was nice to him in return. He deserved some sort of answer. "I don't know." It was the most honest Sebastian could be. "I'm trying to find out more details. Did you talk to him recently? Any idea why he'd be in Brooklyn?"
"I don't, I haven't." He answered the most pressing questions. "Keep me informed." Then Elliot hung up on Sebastian, knowing that Sebastian wasn't one to waste time when there was something far more important at sake. Sebastian silently sent a thanks to Elliot for understanding.
He didn't know who else to contact. He slid through the contact list, hoping a name would stick out at him. Names did, but not for the reason he was hoping for. He bypassed Blaine's name, using him as the absolute last resort. He finished through Z before he went back and swallowed hard before clicking on Blaine's name. None of their other friends in his phone would have ever have asked Kurt out to Brooklyn. It wasn't so much the place, but the distance that had set Sebastian at unease. Kurt hardly ever crossed any of the bridges, everything he needed was on the island.
The only time he did was when he headed to Ohio or DC and he already knew that wasn't in the cards. If Blaine had been the one to call him in distress, it might have motivated Kurt to go. Kurt was too soft, never learned his lesson with Blaine, not really at least. He still let the guy into their lives, despite Sebastian and Santana's stance on the matter. Rachel was in Blaine's court and so encouraged it. Santana and Sebastian were in agreement about Rachel too.
Kurt's heart wouldn't allow him to completely cut anyone out. If they were in need, he was there for them, but he had learned to put a few walls into place, request for space. Still, Sebastian and Santana couldn't fault him on it too hard, it's what allowed them a second (honestly 100th) chance to be part of his life. They'd changed and proved they should be there, (and tried really, really hard not to make those mistakes again) the other two hadn't, nor tried, just gave some pathetic apology right before asking for something. The rest of the time they were fine at being at odds with Kurt. Santana and Sebastian had never wanted the distance and had apologized very quickly after they put their foot into it. They never waited to apologize until they needed something, they'd wanted to be around Kurt and felt guilty over their words or actions.
Elliot and a few others had never done anything really they needed to apologize for and so had never been at odds with Kurt. It had always made Sebastian unease and were the cause of fights with Kurt, but the truth was, the people he hated having in Kurt's life the most came and went at whim. The others were pretty consistent or could be if given the opportunity or set up. There were a few too that hadn't talked to Kurt for ages but would be there for him if needed.
Blaine answered on the third ring and he seemed distracted and distraught and it cemented Sebastian's fears that Kurt was with the curly haired troll prior to the accident. He didn't think it was at the same time, because Kurt was announced at the only survivor but then again, it could just be built up for dramatic effect.
"Sebastian, oh God, Sebastian, it's just absolutely terrible. So, so terrible." He was repeating himself and Sebastian tried to snap him out of it.
"Are you with him in the ambulance or at the hospital?" Sebastian demanded answers.
There was a long pause of complete silence as if Blaine was weighing what to say and how to say it. "No."
"Where the hell are you?" Sebastian was irritated that Kurt was by himself when he could have had at least a familiar face near him this whole time.
"I'm in New Jersey." Blaine sounded put out. "I told you this last week, honestly, you never listen. Kurt at least-." Sebastian clicked off and melted back into the seat behind him, unable to do anything right then. His phone and hand laid listlessly in his lap and he closed his eyes, trying to think hard enough to remind himself to breathe.
It didn't compute for a long moment and then when he told himself to do it again, it came in shakily and painfully through his throat and lungs.
"We're here." The cab driver said, turning toward Sebastian as if it were obvious, but at least there was some compassion in that gaze now. Sebastian only blinked back at him in confusion. The driver gestured toward the entrance to the unfamiliar hospital. "Here... um... Kurt?" He tried to pull out of the words he'd heard repeated as he tried not to concentrate on his passenger, but rather the road ahead of him and the other drivers.
Sebastian was shaken from his numbness and looked out the window. "Oh, yeah." He nearly stumbled out of the cab and careened head first into the sidewalk in his unsteady gait. He managed to pull out his wallet and passed over a crisp $50 and waved the driver off, not concerned about the change. The driver thanked him and headed out and Sebastian just stared at the front doors, watching them open and close rhythmically, not understanding why he was coming in through the ER doors.
Someone was yelling at him and another set of hands pulled him out of the way, jostling his thoughts and sending him into motion. He strode into the hospital's waiting room and straight over to the desk, every step toward this receptionist pulling on another layer of his mask and confidence. It was the first time in a long time that he had to fake it. The only other time in recent history had been with Kurt but for entirely different reasons. He nearly chuckled in a morose way as he realized it was always because of Kurt, just different circumstances.
"I'm looking for Mr. Hummel's room." He declared with authority, glad his scrubs didn't have the hospital embroidered onto them.
"You are not a doctor here nor staff. I know you can get scrubs at any store without qualifying credentials."
"I'm a surgeon." Sebastian countered quickly, tossing around his credentials and status easily. The most important one wasn't his job though, at least not his paying job, even if he was just anticipating his vows a little. The woman had no way of knowing it as Sebastian put his left hand on the counter for her to see his engagement ring clearly and leaned forward a little menacingly. He didn't know how to play this, charming, intimating, distraught. He just knew he needed to get into Kurt's room, see him for himself. "I am also Kurt Hummel's husband."
He had teased Kurt about outdated practices and how they would only be switching out engagement rings for wedding bands and how no one but them would know the difference. He was never so thankful for Kurt's insistence, for the woman swallowed hard, looking at the ring and believing him wholeheartedly.
"Did you say Kurt Hummel?" And she confirmed spelling as she looked the patient up. "Date of birth?" Sebastian rattled it off quickly and easily and she nodded, typing it in and frowning a little. Sebastian did not like that look, especially as it intensified and she glanced at him before down to her phone. "Um... if you would have a seat please? Our attending physician will be out to talk to you about your husband's condition shortly."
"No, you're going to tell me. Which room is he in?" Sebastian leaned further over the counter and his scowl was easy to see that it was barely holding back a worse expression.
She swallowed hard. "He's not here in the ER." She finally said, it was never easy to be sure where to draw the line with family that had a right to know verses conditioning them for bad news. Her gaze flickered over his uniform. "He was admitted to the CSU."
"No." Sebastian stumbled and barely caught himself from falling into her desk. "Check again."
"I did, three times, looked into the chart even, just to be sure I wasn't seeing it wrong. He coded in the ambulance and TOD was called on arrival."
Sebastian sucked in a breath and then another one and another one but the oxygen didn't seem to be entering his lungs. He felt his knees give out beneath him and he sagged against the desk, sliding down it until he was a puddle in front of the receptionist, below her line of sight. A doctor came out to talk within seconds and cast her a disapproving look and looked to Sebastian on the ground.
"Mr. Hummel?" He asked, having no other name to attempt and Sebastian's head popped up, wondering if she had the wrong Kurt Hummel in CS.
He looked around frantically, wondering if maybe the man meant Burt but his father-in-law to be was no where to be seen. Then his gaze landed on a man about a decade older than him. "Hummel?" He asked again, looking to Sebastian, seeking confirmation.
"Smythe." Sebastian answered woodenly. "We didn't take each other's last names." Not yet, at least.
The man nodded. "I'm Doctor Ryan, I actually received a call from your... my..." He died off, not sure what to call the man who called since he was so far ahead of him in the order of seniority and role. "I'm the one who... received Mr. Hummel from the ambulance." He squatted in front of Sebastian and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
That was it, Sebastian lost all remaining ability to control his emotions and the tears he held at bay. They started slowly but then he buried his head into his arms and sobbed hard. Nobody touched him or tried to move him for a long moment.
Then Dr. Ryan cleared his throat. "Would you be more comfortable in the staff break room?"
Sebastian shook his head. "I want to see him."
Dr. Ryan was quiet for a long time, considering his response. Then he shook his head even though Sebastian was no longer looking at him but still caught the motion out of the corner of his eye. "I'm afraid that's really against policy, as I'm you're sure. There needs to be an investigation by the police before we can allow anyone to see or touch the body. Then an autopsy and then you can identify..." His words cut off, they may both be surgical staff and logical but Sebastian was already falling apart and did not need the clinical side of his professional attitude. He needed the warmth and connection. "Come on, I'll show you the back room and we can wait for Dr. Logan. He assured me that he would be overseeing this personally, though we all know that it's not really acceptable when he's got a personal connection with him. I think he's coming more for you than anyone else at this point."
Sebastian had never called Mikhail back, he had probably found out about Kurt's status prior to Sebastian's arrival. It would have been buried within the rest of the messages and phone calls. He glanced at his phone, it was not turning on anymore, the other calls and messages probably killed the battery.
Everything though was in a fog. Sebastian felt the man help him to his feet and guide him away from the public eye. Sebastian didn't care who saw him, his life was over. It probably wasn't good for the hospital's image though having a doctor falling apart so publicly.
Sebastian was guided to a seat and this was definitely not a staff break room but rather a doctor's office with a couch and stacks of charts and books and practice magazines. He curled his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around them in a very Kurt-like move and just sobbed into his knees. He couldn't even find the strength or the wherewithal to thank Dr. Ryan. Everything had just disintegrated within Sebastian, including his hard earned manners that Kurt had tried to instill in him.
If he could do more than sob in the void, he'd only be hit with pain as everything reminded him of Kurt, both directly and indirectly. He didn't notice passage of time, but suddenly large male arms were pulling him against a strong chest to a man only 15 years his senior and rocking him. Even this change was only noticed because of the temperature change but still didn't penetrate the fog or pain wrapped tightly around Sebastian that caused breaths to hitch erratically.
Mikhail tightened his arms every time the breath snagged. "We're going to have to sedate you if you don't calm down some, son." His words were right in Sebastian's ear and he couldn't figure out what he meant, it should have been such an easy thing to decipher but he barely registered the words.. Then the void became darker following a sharp pinch.
–
Sebastian came to with his head pillowed against a thick bicep and he knew it wasn't Kurt's instantly. He lifted his head, looking around groggily. "Mikhail?" Sebastian questioned softly, his body languid and his voice rough as if he'd been yelling for hours at the top of his lungs. "What-?" They were in a cab and they were on the island, he vaguely recognized the streets. They were near his and Kurt's condo.
"Hey kid." Mikhail squeezed his waist where his arm was wrapped around Sebastian. "We're going home, you need some real sleep in order to face and handle the days ahead." His voice was solemn.
Sebastian lifted away from him, frowning at the man, trying to figure out what he was talking about. They were pulling up to their condo though. Mikhail had been the one to get Sebastian into the building after telling him about it and Sebastian and Kurt had agreed that it was the best of all worlds. They'd signed the dotted line a mere month before they got engaged a year ago. The wedding was coming up in a few more months. They were going for a hard push with their individual projects and responsibilities so they could enjoy the week leading up to the wedding, the wedding itself and the two week honeymoon afterward.
"Why are we here? It's still daylight." Sebastian frowned out of the window even as Mikhail paid their driver and then helped guide Sebastian out of the taxi. He followed without a fight, really just lost and malleable at the moment. His head was pounding and spinning and he had no idea what was going on.
"Yeah, that drug is going to be in your system for a little while. No use thinking about going back to work." He joked but Sebastian just stared at him. "You don't remember?"
"Remember?" Sebastian questioned and Mikhail sighed heavily, looking like he wasn't in a hurry to tell Sebastian the news again.
He waited until they were in Sebastian's home before he pushed Sebastian into a couch seat cushion and handing him some pills to swallow dry. He could have swallowed them with water but Mikhail seemed reluctant to leave Sebastian long enough to even get a glass and water.
Once he was satisfied that Sebastian had taken the pills, he cleared his throat and braced himself from the fallout. "Kurt didn't survive a fatal car crash today." Mikhail was right there, right in front of Sebastian, hands ready to catch him if he fell forward. "We weren't allowed to see him. I know it's going to be really hard for a few days to accept that. I'll go with you when we are, ok? I've called both hospitals and have asked for some time off for us. I'll be right here with you the whole time." Mikhail put his hands on Sebastian's knees and squeezed, looking up into Sebastian's vacant expression. "I know, buddy, I know." Mikhail had lost someone in his life too, someone important and it had been hard for him but he'd gotten through it. He would help Sebastian too. It never went away but it became a little easier to breathe after awhile.
Sebastian swallowed hard, trying to focus on his face. "Kurt is... dead?" He repeated, he felt like it was all wrong, it was all wrong.
"I'm sorry." Mikhail squeezed his hands again. "I think you need some rest. While you're sleeping, I'm going to go home, pack up a few things and I'll be back, ok? I'll be with you this whole time." Mikhail tried to catch Sebastian's green eyes, and Sebastian had a hard time connecting their gazes, had a hard time looking into Mikhail's brown eyes.
"No... you can't do that." Sebastian finally managed to find his thoughts but they were fleeting. "You have your own family..." He had a hard time looking at anything for long, his eyes cast in a direction but not seeing anything.
"I can, they'll understand. I don't want to take you away from your home on top of everything else." Mikhail looked unsure and glanced around the room too. "Maybe this wasn't the best choice. Maybe I should take you home with me. Being here might be too painful right at this moment."
"No... no, it's fine. You should go." Sebastian shook his head. "I want to be here. This is where Kurt-." He broke off, voice strangled and he turned and pulled his knees up, buried his face into them and wrapped his arms around his shins. He started crying again and Mikhail put a warm hand on his back before moving up onto the couch and wrapping his arms around his entire frame and just held him. Sebastian started rocking and Mikhail just went with his movements.
He stroked Sebastian's hair, neck and back in long slow strokes. "I'm so sorry Sebastian, so sorry. You will feel better with some rest."
"Rest?" Sebastian's word was ripped out of his throat. "I can't sleep! I don't want to sleep. Kurt's dead! He's dead, don't you understand? He's dead!" Then he slipped right back into sobs.
–
Somehow he did end up sleeping but when he woke, it was another groggy awakening. He knew it was drug induced and he wished he'd been with it enough to know what medication it was that Mikhail had given him. "Mik?" He called out. He was feeling a little more like himself, Mikhail was right about that at least. He was feeling just a little more stable.
He rubbed at his face and eyes and padded away from his bedroom, still bleary eyed. He didn't know how he'd got to his bed and right now all he wanted was some water, his mouth was extremely dry and he felt like crap.
Sniffling, he rubbed at his nose and blinked back tears, knowing it was going to be a long time before they stopped coming every few minutes. The light was different, it was more diffused than it was the last time he remembered. He glanced at the clock, wondering how long he'd been asleep. It didn't matter but the red numbers on the stove told him it was 6:45. Kurt would be home any minute-.
He breathed inn sharply, no, no he wouldn't. Sebastian forgot the reason he was in the kitchen to begin with, dropping his glass in the process and heard it shatter by his feet. He bent over the countertop, arms barely holding himself up as he wheezed and sobbed.
Where was Mikhail with more of those sedation pills? Sebastian could definitely use one right about now but he'd probably have difficulty choking it down. He didn't know how long he stayed there, he just couldn't stop. He dropped to his knees and didn't even feel the glass slice into his right one. He just rested his forehead against the bottom cabinet. He pressed harder, wishing he could just go back to sleep and wake up and have all of this be some horrible, horrible night terror.
What point was there to any of this if he couldn't share it with Kurt? Kurt who'd had the heart and dreams big enough for the both of them. Had the motivation and backbone to see it through. Somewhere along the way the tears stopped coming, having no more liquid capable of being produced. His sobs had died down but he couldn't find the strength to move from his position.
The door opened and Sebastian moved away from the kitchen cabinet, wringing his hands, not wanting Mikhail to see him like this. There was hesitation before the door clicked close and the lock was engaged.
"Seb?" A voice called out in confusion. "Are you home already? I thought you weren't going to get off work until 8. Did something happen?" A few clunks were heard, boots being kicked off and dropped into the closet, they always landed perfectly.
Sebastian froze, not believing his ears, not moving forward. That was not Mikhail. Was he passed out in the kitchen? Still sleeping in his bed? Passed out in the cab or the hospital or on the couch and was dreaming this? He knew people often dreamed loved ones returned or hadn't died in the first place, especially at the beginning. So he knew he wasn't going nuts, he knew that much. Still though, it felt real.
"Seb?" There was a chuckle. "Are you asleep? The couch looks a wreck and you just left it that way, probably dragging yourself to bed when you got uncomfortable there, huh? Seb?"
Sebastian could just picture him shaking his head, deciding whether to keep talking to an empty room or to seek Sebastian out first and once finding him, making another decision. "You're probably not even home." Another laugh and Sebastian imagined him taking off his jacket and scarf and whatever other layer he'd worn setting out this morning. "Hope no one broke in while we were out."
It reminded Sebastian that he didn't even know what Kurt was wearing today. He could never describe how he looked today, Sebastian had left hours before Kurt to get to the hospital. It was his long shift today. Sebastian didn't care if it was a dream, one last look at Kurt in all his glory, whatever his brain made up for Kurt's look today, was necessary. He strolled out of the kitchen, not letting this dream slip through his fingers like smoke.
Sebastian gasped as Kurt stood there in all his shining glory. There were quite a few layers today. He was wearing checked black and white pants, a matching vest over a dark blue lightweight sweater with a white collar poking out of the top, not popped, never popped, but a short one that the bent edge could be seen. It was likely a button down. With the black jacket shucked off and now in the closet. Kurt was just finishing hanging it up when his fingers left the shoulder and turned, grabbing the closet door and shutting it.
Sebastian's heart had arrested.
He stopped, seeing Sebastian and a grin crossed his features. "Hey! You are awake and here!" Then he shook his head, not close enough to see Sebastian's face clearly, just too far away. He looked away to make sure the closet door was closed. "What are you doing in the kitchen?" Another shake to his head and a chuckle, not waiting for Sebastian's response. "Oh, you'll never believe the day I had! It started out so terribly-."
"Kurt." Sebastian's voice cracked, surprised he could even speak. His fingers itched to reach out and touch but feared it would disrupt the dream.
"If it hadn't been for Gayle I think I would have been coming home in tears and totally pissed still. She's just the best."
All of a sudden, Sebastian was at his side, on his knees once more with his head pressed against Kurt's stomach and arms wrapped tightly around his waist. "Oh God, you're here. You're really here." He sobbed into Kurt's stomach, shocked that he had any tears left to cry.
"Seb?" Kurt's fingers stroked through his hair. "What's wrong? What happened? I thought my day was rough, honey. Did someone die on your table?" His other arm came around the back of Sebastian's shoulders and neck. "Babe?" He asked when Sebastian just held on tighter, nearly cutting his breathing off. "Honey?" He dropped down to his knees too and pried Sebastian back, slipping his hands around Sebastian's cheeks. "You're scaring me."
"You- you're... you're not dead." Sebastian's hands came up to cover Kurt's on his face before slipping along his arms, touching Kurt's shoulders, chest, neck, face, anything he could get his hands on. "You're really here! Really, really here." His face came forward to kiss every inch of Kurt's face but Kurt's hands were still on his and held him back.
"Wait... wait." Kurt was frowning at him. "Sebastian! Wait!" He pulled back, away from Sebastian's seeking hands but Sebastian pushed forward, wrapping his hands around Kurt, not letting him get away, to stop the connection that was grounding him. He feared that if he let Kurt go, that he'd disappear. Kurt sagged and gave in, slipping his arms around Sebastian's neck and just holding him. "Bas... Bas..." He whispered holding him close and just let Sebastian feel him there, pressed chest to chest, knee to knee and everywhere in between. Sebastian's face buried itself into the area between Kurt's neck and shoulder and just breathed him in, his body shuddering with each inhale.
They stayed locked like that for a very long time. Kurt sat back onto his heels and Sebastian followed but Kurt managed to get a little bit of space between them. "Sebastian.. what happened?" He asked on a strangled breath. "What's going on?" He stroked Sebastian's face, neck, hair and upper back. "Talk to me, love."
"You-you were dead." Sebastian squawked. "Didn't you see the news? You were taken to Brooklyn Hospital and... and... you were dead on arrival."
"Brooklyn?" Kurt checked. "What on Earth would I be doing there? Sebastian... what-." Kurt shook his head. "Let's start from the beginning, ok? You went to work this morning?"
"Yes and I was in surgery all morning and I was walking back to clinic and my office and on the news- on the news-." His voice cracked and he couldn't go on.
Kurt pulled him in close and held him again. "Shh, shh, it's ok, I'm here, I'm here now."
"What- how-?" Sebastian pulled back. "How are you here?"
"I got mugged on the way to work today. They got my phone and my wallet but not my keys or pass card. Thankfully I keep everything in different pockets. I had shoved my pass card into another pocket too without thinking. I only realized the wallet was gone when I went to put the pass card into it. You should have seen how pissed I was when I realized my phone was gone too. I nearly called you this morning when I got into work but Gayle calmed me down and convinced me that calling you on a different number while you were in surgery was going to concern you unnecessarily. I did text you from Gayle's phone though but I figured you were busy and didn't have a chance to respond. It wasn't an important sounding text, just that I lost my phone. There was no way for you to know whether or not I'd still be with her if you did text me back."
"God, it's probably buried within all the other texts and calls." Sebastian groaned. "I didn't look through them, too many, too lost in fear and trying to get to you and then it was just pain and sadness..." Sebastian shook his head. "Phone died and I- I don't even know where it is." He didn't even flinch to make a move to find his phone, his hands were full of Kurt and that was not something he would let himself change. "You're really here? You're not dead? Not hurt?" He pulled at Kurt, turning him this way and that, patting him down, trying to move hems to see whatever skin he could. He tipped Kurt's head up to look over his face, look into his eyes.
"Seb... Stop, I'm not hurt." Kurt lifted a hand and curled his fingers around Sebastian's hand and pulled it away from his face but didn't let go of his hand, just squeezed it tight. "I was never in danger, love. That wasn't me on the way to Brooklyn Hospital, must have been the guy who lifted my wallet and they thought it was me. I'm so sorry that you went through this Bas. I wish... I wish there was a way to have kept you from... stopped... I should have called you. I should have texted you right away."
Kurt was crying now too, feeling Sebastian's feelings, understanding his fears, knowing what it was like to have gone through loss of a loved one. He was able to put himself in Sebastian's shoes, knowing how he'd have felt if it had been Sebastian's name on the news.
They moved together, pulling at clothes, trying to get closer, trying not to let anything get in their way. They got all of Kurt's shirt layers off, Sebastian's scrub top and white T under- he was still wearing his scrubs. It nearly floored Sebastian all over again, would have brought him to his knees if he wasn't already there.
His hand sunk into Kurt's hair and angled his head so Sebastian could slid his mouth over Kurt's.
The front door cracked open and a head popped in, looking around to seeing if Sebastian was awake. A frown crossed his lips at seeing Sebastian on the ground again. A bag was slung over his shoulder and stepped in further. "Sebast-". He cut off seeing the other head and body there with him. "Kurt?" He was startled. "How are- oh Kurt!" He dropped down to his knees too and flung his arms around Kurt, dislodging the two from each other just enough. They'd known each other for a very long time too.
Sebastian groaned and tugged Kurt's chest back to his, burying his face back into Kurt's neck, still holding on tight and Mikhail's arrival had not helped in any way. Kurt rubbed his face against Sebastian's hair and turned his face toward Mikhail.
"Do you mind? Thank you so much for coming out here and..." His eyes glanced over the overnight+ bag Mikhail brought with him. "Everything you were planning to do for Sebastian but I think... I think we need to be alone for a bit."
"Of course not, of course the two of you need your privacy and… oh your dad and Carole." He patted himself down for his phone and Sebastian was an unhelpful mess, just breathing Kurt in and his breath tickled Kurt's clavicle on the way out. Kurt continued to stroke the back of Sebastian's neck and the back of his ear. His other hand splayed against Sebastian's back, just holding him in tight.
"My dad?" Kurt finally asked, trying to pay attention to the older man but his thoughts and nearly everything else was wrapped up in the man in his arms.
"Uh.. yeah, they're coming up from DC. I'll call and head them off. I'll put them up in my place until..." He waved at the two of them and Kurt nodded, his cheek rubbing against his head as he did so. "But I'm pretty sure he's going to want to hear your voice too. I'll try to keep everyone else at bay too."
"Thank you." Kurt whispered, eyes closing and breathing Sebastian in as well.
Mikhail took the conversation into the kitchen and then came out a few minutes later to push the phone into Kurt's hand and let him talk to his father, reassure him that he was alive. The entire time, neither Kurt nor Sebastian let go.
Mikhail had disappeared back into the kitchen and there was some noises in there before Mikhail came back out with a small kit and squatted down next to them. He moved Sebastian as much as Sebastian would let him, as much as their bodies pressed together would allow. Then he was tugging off Sebastian's pants and Kurt turned to frown at him. Usually Sebastian would be batting him away either playfully or in just annoyance. Sebastian's hands just stayed firmly on Kurt.
Kurt's tones while talking to his dad reverberated in his chest and in his ear. His body started to relax, his brain started to catch up that this was real, that Kurt was really there. Kurt's lips brushed skin occasionally, a reassuring kiss wherever and whenever he could.
Sebastian let out a sharp hiss as an alcohol pad ran across his skin and then some dabbed into the creases, cleaning out any potential infection. He placed some plasters over the cuts. "You foolish boy." Mikhail patted the now covered injury and then stood up and stretched out. He glanced over to Kurt who was crying again but this time because of something his father said.
Kurt hummed an agreement and then locked eyes with Mikhail. "Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. I'll call you when it's ok, all right? Ok, love you too. Send our love to Carole too. Mmm-hmm, yes, ok. Bye."
He handed the phone back to Mikhail and glanced down at what the other doctor had been doing with his fiance. "Ooh, baby. Did it hurt? What happened?"
Sebastian's fingers just clenched and curled along Kurt's bare back. "Ok, ok, it's unimportant." He kissed the top of Sebastian's head. "Let's get you to bed, ok? You've had a very tough day." The words coming from anyone else might have sounded babying and perhaps mocking but from Kurt, they were genuine feelings of affection and concern.
Sebastian stood with Kurt and Mikhail's help and leaned heavily on Kurt as they walked into the bedroom. Kurt caught Mikhail's hand before they completely passed him and squeezed it. "Thanks." He whispered again and Mikhail nodded and made sure they got to the bedroom door and through it ok. Kurt shut it gently with his foot and they knew Mikhail would let himself out.
Kurt sat Sebastian down onto the bed tried to move back so he could look Sebastian over, see what else needed to come off, if anything, but Sebastian wouldn't let him go that far, pulling him back to his chest. Kurt came but with a bit too much force and knocked them both back onto the bed, Kurt lying on top of Sebastian. "Baby, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Can I at least get rid of my pants?" He tried to tease but Sebastian's hands were right there, undoing the belt buckle and pants latches. He helped Kurt shimmy out of them and then rolled them over until they were facing the bed the right way, with Kurt on his chest. He latched his arms and legs around Kurt and held on tight, pressing kisses to every inch of skin his mouth could easily come into contact with.
Kurt let him trail kisses where he liked, only pressing his own lips to Sebastian's forehead. The moment had been interrupted before and it became very emotional there, what with Sebastian and his dad and Carole. They'd been on speaker phone so they both could hear him for themselves and there was a lot of crying from all involved.
"Honey, you're tired, it's ok to sleep. I'm right here, I'll always be right here." He didn't think Sebastian would be feeling up to it, wouldn't be reconnecting with that moment of poignant loss that could only be salvaged with an intense personal connection.
"Not tired." Sebastian's mouth crawled up Kurt's throat and jaw and then settled over his lips. Something in Sebastian's kiss reached into Kurt and found a matching response. Kurt was suddenly with him in all ways as he stroked that need to be one.
The last remaining articles of clothes disappeared as hands sought, mouths sought to remark and reclaim every inch of landscape on each other's bodies, to ensure that they were both there, safe and sound and in one piece. They took each other apart with that kiss and then rebuilt them. A drawer opened and didn't close all the way as hands reached for what was necessary for their task at hand.
It wasn't about sexual desire at this point, it was about being together fully. Being able to confirm each other's existence in all ways. Kurt was widened in quick order without any pain, only pleasure before Sebastian was sinking into him and they found tonight, they just needed a gentle rocking, in absolutely no hurry. It wasn't even about getting off, Sebastian could stay in him for ever if he so chose.
Sloppy kisses were pressed along Kurt's jaw as Sebastian spoke words of love over and over and over again. Tears streamed from his eyes and hit Kurt's neck and jaw and shoulder and Kurt didn't mind. Tears fell from his own eyes and down to his ears and he pressed his mouth to any place he could reach on Sebastian's face. His own words of love and reassurance slipped from his lips at a nauseating rate that never seemed to end.
Sebastian fell asleep still in Kurt, wrapped fully in Kurt's arms and with his legs around Sebastian's waist. Sebastian's arms around Kurt's torso, face pressed into Kurt's shoulder. Kurt didn't mind that his fiance passed out on him. Mikhail had mentioned something about remnants of several drugs still in Sebastian's system and a prediction that Sebastian would pass out soon. It was slightly uncomfortable but Kurt also didn't mind that Sebastian was still inside of him. Kurt just shifted until it was more bareable for any length of time. He would soften and slip out eventually but Kurt would maintain that connection for as long as they could. He hummed and sang softly as he ran his fingers down the back of Sebastian's head, neck and shoulders.
Soon the stress of the day caught up to him too and he also fell asleep despite it likely only being 9 pm at the latest. They both needed it.
–
Kurt woke to kisses being peppered along his collar bone and he blinked away to see Sebastian's face hovering near by. "Hey." He greeted with warmth infused in his voice and eyes.
"Hey." Sebastian replied, kissing reverently over Kurt's face now too. He didn't pull them back in to finish what they'd started, not yet anyway. "We're going to have to talk." Sebastian said, surprisingly calm, especially after the way he had been the night before.
"Bodyguards? Really?" Kurt had managed to keep them off away from his day to day events.
"Hmmm... I wasn't thinking about those but they might be a good idea, keep you from getting pick-pocketed again."
"That's never happened before." Kurt protested, he might not be from New York City or any big city, but he had adapted quickly to the environment.
"No... that's true." Sebastian pressed a kiss to Kurt's lips but nothing more than just wanting to. He wasn't attempting to start anything with it. "I was just thinking it's about time that you put me on as your point of contact. I had to hear about the accident through the news. I should have been the first person called, even before they got that kind of information about you to share with the public."
"I know, you're right. I've been meaning to get around to it." Kurt raked his fingers through Sebastian's hair. "I should be yours too."
"It'll be done the second I walk through the doors at work next time." Sebastian agreed, turning his head to kiss Kurt's palm then tried to work his way down the wrist and forearm.
"I'm sorry you found out that way. I'm sorry you had to go through any of that. I'll call you right away from anyone's phone if I ever lose my wallet again." Kurt vowed, holding Sebastian's gaze steady.
"No fair giving me part of your wedding vows early." Sebastian teased but he seemed so much lighter than last night, especially enough to tease. It was really nice to see, Kurt had worried that Sebastian would be in a funk for days to weeks. The sleep had really helped heal some of those worries.
"I'm going to vow a lot more than that, don't you worry." Kurt bent forward so he could kiss Sebastian on the lips this time. "I love you, Bas."
"I love you." Sebastian pressed their foreheads together. "Make love to me? I need to feel you inside of me."
Kurt nodded, tears shimmering in his eyes again. "Always." They flipped spots so Sebastian was underneath Kurt but they looked at each other as Kurt worked Sebastian open, slowly and carefully. Then he slid in, inch by inch as slow as possible and made love to his fiance. They did both come this time and going slow sometimes was more exhausting than going fast and Kurt collapsed onto his chest. He pressed kisses along Sebastian's chest and abdomen and snuggled in with him.
Eventually they moved to the shower and cleaned each other up, never once losing contact with the other.
They dressed and moved to the living room and Kurt realized he didn't have a phone in order to call Burt to let him know it would be ok to come over. He knew his father was worried sick about him too, had felt devastated at the loss of his son and hadn't been able to trust just hearing Kurt's voice. He needed to reassure others too that he was still alive. The easiest way to get the word out to those who didn't need the personal touch would be to call his publicist. Unfortunately, he didn't have that number memorized.
On the other hand, they'd become a spectacle if his news got out that he was still alive. There would already be a following but hopefully they would stay at the hospital until the news of his false death was released to the public. The last thing they needed right now as they healed from that near miss would be an audience badgering them with questions and lights in their eyes.
A pounding on the door startled Kurt from his thoughts about phones and news. Had someone already decided to be bold and talk to the grieving fiance? Kurt hugged Sebastian close when he flinched as well. "Sebastian! Sebastian, open the door! Come on Sebastian, I know you're in there, there was a light on in the bedroom!" It was Rachel's voice and it sounded rough, as if she'd been crying.
"Let me just send her away." Kurt pressed a kiss to the top of Sebastian's still drying hair.
Sebastian shook his head and stood up straighter. "You know she won't go." She'd have never have gone or been pushed out or kept away, even if Kurt were dead. She would camp out in Sebastian's apartment until she deemed otherwise.
They both closed their eyes, looking for an inner peace that would help them deal with the incoming shit-show. Kurt opened the door with Sebastian plastered to his back and an arm tight around his waist. They were both surprised to see two women there rather than just Rachel. Santana's eyes were so red and puffy and her nose and mouth red and raw. She hadn't said anything but perhaps she couldn't with how beat she was.
"Kurt?" Rachel gasped and threw herself at him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders for a hug because there was no way she could get in at the waist, not with Sebastian so tightly holding him.
Santana stepped forward when Rachel stepped back, hands on Kurt's elbows now, talking a mile a minute and just about her amazement and happiness that he was ok. Santana moved and everyone thought she was coming in for a hug as well, instead a resounding smack echoed in the now completely silent apartment. "Get the fuck out." Sebastian said so low and icy that it terrified everyone, except who he was aiming it at.
"No!" Santana shouted and her voice sounded like it had been through a meat pulverizer. "How dare you scare us like that? Do you have any idea how worried we were and then devastated when we heard the second half of the news this morning? And you!" She shoved her finger into Sebastian's face. "You can't just call and hang up on me like that! I had no idea what was happening and called you back but you didn't answer! Then I sought him out on the news and... and..." She burst into tears and collapsed against Kurt's chest. "You can't do that to me!"
Kurt reached up to pat Santana on the back and tilted his head back to look at Sebastian and talk with him through their eyes. Sebastian had an icy scowl and he wasn't melting just because Santana was. Kurt closed his eyes and Sebastian pressed a kiss to his lips, surprising him slightly. He opened his eyes and smiled at Sebastian. Sebastian rolled his eyes and tugged Kurt back into the condo.
The two women followed and Sebastian sat down onto the couch, pulling Kurt onto his lap as he did so and held him. He was still afraid of letting go, of doing so and finding Kurt to be a mirage or a miracle, but only as long as Sebastian touched him.
"Can I borrow your phone?" He asked Rachel and she handed it over instantly. Kurt dialed his father's number and wasn't even surprised that he was already in her phone directory.
Burt answered and after a short conversation, they were going to be on their way. They talked but never delved into what happened, holding off on that conversation until the Hudmels arrived. Mikhail came with them and let them in. He wanted to check on Sebastian again, make sure he was holding up ok. Sebastian kept one hand on Kurt while his dad and Carole greeted him with big hugs and Kurt slipped his hand into Sebastian's when it seemed like he'd lose his grasp.
"I brought you a gift." Mikhail told Kurt, brandishing a new phone still in it's box. "I got the cover and screen protector and it's already got all of your numbers that were backed up to the cloud on it. The other phone and all your credit cards have been cancelled and they're issuing you a new ID."
"Why couldn't I just keep my old one?" Kurt asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer, already imaging so many terrible things and Sebastian tugged Kurt over to be against his side.
"We don't know if anyone got a copy of it. It's best to just start fresh." Mikhail looked evasive and when Sebastian rested those grass-green eyes on him and lifted a brow, Mikhail complied with spilling more. "I was given his personal effects and I hadn't had a chance to look through them before. I did early this morning and it was obvious it wasn't yours."
Sebastian lifted Kurt's hand and kissed just below the engagement ring on his finger. He closed his eyes in relief and pain as he thought about the effects in Mikhail's possession. "Whatever is not Kurt's, get rid of."
"I will return it to the police, he may have family who should know. I'll also clear things up with the police, media and whoever else might need to know, including legal. We'll make sure that no one thinks your dead any more and Sebastian won't have to go in to identify the body." A shiver went through all of the occupants in the room at his unfortunate selection of words.
"Thank you Mik." Sebastian curled around Kurt more and Burt reached over to squeeze Kurt's bicep and never removed his hand afterward.
–
Burt and Carole stayed for a couple of days and then headed back down to DC but only after a flurry of hugs and kisses and promises to talk soon. Rachel and Santana had only stayed the night, sleeping on their couches, Rachel got the loveseat while Santana took the full sized couch. Santana apologized to Kurt shortly before they left. "I should have slapped Sebastian, not you, but you were closer and the one that I thought was dead. He deserved it for hanging up on me and making me worry unnecessarily."
"He didn't know, Satan." Kurt shook his head but a smile was peaking through.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, likely story." Santana pressed a kiss to his cheek where a tiny bruise had formed. "I am sorry. I love you and I didn't want to hurt you."
"I'm ok." Kurt bent forward to hug her back which was impeded a little by Sebastian's arms around his waist.
"See you around." She tossed at Sebastian with a mock wave and was pulling Rachel away with her after the littlest of them got in another hug from the other occupants of the room.
Once their home was free of guests, Kurt turned in Sebastian's embrace and frowned lightly, looking into those expressive green eyes. "Do you think you're ever going to let me go?"
"Never."
Kurt sighed, it was cute and touching and he understood it completely, but they couldn't live their lives like this. Sebastian even followed him into the bathroom or dragged him with. "Let me rephrase. Is there ever a time you're going to let there be any physical space between us? You and I are both going to have to go back to work at some point. We unfortunately can't go to each other's jobs."
"Can we... can we work up to it?" Sebastian had always been a bit more superstitious than Kurt even though he was the doctor and Kurt was the artistic one. Kurt wasn't free from his own superstitions and Sebastian had always been in support of them, only mildly teasing him when his own dad openly mocked them as complete hooey. Afterward, Kurt had to agree that he'd gone off the deep end a little with his worry and had attempted to control what he could when he had no control otherwise. Sebastian's were more every day type of thing and didn't impede into their lives too much, just a slight detour or compromise to fulfill it that was forgotten about after awhile and was just done.
"Ok." Kurt agreed and Sebastian was true to his word, he slowly worked up to it. First it was just holding hands at a distance but once in awhile Sebastian would pull him in and just hold him or kiss him. Kurt found himself scooting in close at night when they were attempting to sleep with only a brush of skin rather than tangled up together. Not being that way was so different from how they normally were, that Kurt was the one who bridged that gap.
Sebastian even let go of Kurt so he could use the restroom but he was not allowed to close the door, Sebastian needed to be able to see him and when he went, Kurt needed to stay in visible range. It was ok, it was baby steps and it was already more than Kurt had anticipated. Although when they had a wall separate them from view, Sebastian darted around to see if he was still there and pulled him back into his embrace when he was. It had terrified Sebastian, set his heart racing but it also taught him Kurt wouldn't disappear just because he disappeared from view. It helped moved them forward more and more until eventually they were both back at work. Sebastian text Kurt constantly the first day, less so the next day when he'd returned from work and Kurt was still there.
True to both their words, they were now each other's emergency contact and signed ok for verbal communication forms. Kurt and Sebastian both also put each other down as having say in their medical care if they could not speak for themselves.
They got back on track but when Sebastian reached for Kurt's hand or touched him more than he used to (which had always been a lot), Kurt couldn't' fault him for that. Nor did he mind the thumb running circles against his palm or an extra hug or personal space being closed in on more often. Kurt found himself recreating that himself. He actually enjoyed the extra care and checks during the day, just to remind both of them that they were still there.