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Shot 4

Girl Scout Cookie Cocktail

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AN: So four things 1. There was a shot title that I was thinking of using for this because it could kind of fit too but I think I'm going to hold off on that one for a moment, this one just made me chortle when I thought about how it fit with this 'one shot'. 2. Kurt's kind of an ass in this one to begin with, there are reasons and I hope I redeem him by the end? 3. This is pretty... not graphic, but straight forward with language and crassness. At least in the first several scenes. It is HYPERsexualized, I know this is not true to real life, it's a story, and one I wanted to write. ;P 4. Timeline is skewed.

AN2: And, like nearly always, this flipflops between close 3rd person POVs (Kurt and Sebastian) within the space of a paragraph change, back and forth and might stick with one for awhile before switching again. The lengths with each are what needs to be to fit the story. It will also double back on it's self and show both sides at some point. It's just my preferred way of writing. :)

–

"Are you lost?" A voice asked behind Kurt and Kurt slipped on an easy-going, flirtatious smile thinking this voice was hitting on him. Before he could turn though, the male kept speaking. "This is a gay bar, you know, for males."

The voice was now familiar the more he heard it and the flirtatious look slipped off his features and instead was replaced with a icy cold gaze and a scowl. He turned to Sebastian and his assumptions were confirmed when he locked eyes with the other male. "Sebastian, wonderful. Of course you're in New York and at this very bar." His voice was as dry as the tundra and his dislike of the other guy was palpable and he made no bones to try and hide it. "I will now have to find another bar... to... go..." His voice died off as he spoke and thought. Then instantly his face transformed, his eyes were still cool and guarded but he was now smiling very deceptively and deviously. His voice became more sing-song like as he drawled Sebastian's name out. "Seb-bast-tian, you're actually perfect."

"Thank you, it's always nice to be acknowledged as I am." Sebastian smirked at him. "Though from you it's kind of short on accuracy, I'm far more than perfect and you should recognize it. Then again, from you, I'm kind of grossed out." He was waiting for Kurt to tell him to go back to whatever hole he crawled out from.

He was disappointed as Kurt's grin only widened. "Oh yes, you'll do." He leaned forward, his eyes locked onto Sebastian's and Sebastian had never thought Kurt could look slimy but he seemed to be purposefully pulling that over his features now, due probably entirely to what Sebastian had just said himself. "Want to go to the bathroom with me?" He lifted both brows slightly in invitation.

Sebastian completely missed what he was really asking. "I'm not a girl, I don't go to the bathroom to gossip with someone. You ice princess with your knees locked if the legs aren't crossed are woefully under-knowledged about what men do in bathrooms together around here. You should go home and tuck your tail between your legs before you get introduced the hard way. Run back to your Labrador puppy."

"Sebastian, I'm looking for the hard way." Kurt cut into him. "That's if you can get hard for someone like me."

Sebastian was poised to fling back another insult but his jaw just dropped and he swallowed hard. "What?"

"I know you don't fuck everything that moves but if I'm not too much of a girl for you, I'd like you to prove your prowess. What you've plastered all over everyone with ears for the last 4 years; whether or not they asked or were even interested in knowing it."

"You?" Sebastian checked. Kurt nodded seriously and held his gaze so he knew it too. "Not someone that you want to set me up with or set up, in general?" Another nod. "Seriously, you?" Another nod. "You and me?"

Kurt sighed heavily. "Ok fine, if you're not going to take this seriously, you can go away. I'll find someone else. If you stick around you'll just be cramping my style."

"Shiiit." Sebastian drew out with disbelief in his tone. "Does the puppy know you're out here doing this?"

"It's none of his business." Kurt shut down that line of questioning right away. "Last chance Meerkat, yes or no?"

"Stand up." Sebastian ordered.

"I'm not going to spin for you like a prized piece of meat." Kurt didn't move an inch.

"Duh, I've already seen what your ass looks like in jeans. You don't leave much to the imagination." Kurt smirked back at Sebastian, there was plenty Sebastian had no clue about. He would definitely never make another girl joke about him after this.

Hopefully Kurt would never see Sebastian after this anyway. He just wanted Sebastian for what he promised that he could provide Kurt, a meaningless orgasm. Kurt didn't even say anything, just started heading for the bathroom and it took Sebastian a second before he realized Kurt was serious. He might have thought that Kurt was going to walk out instead, offended, but his path was clear and the opposite direction of the exits.

Sebastian's long legs caught up quickly and he followed Kurt into the bathroom. "So-" Whatever platitudes or compliments or scathing comments or whatever, even just a question of what they were planning to do was cut off.

"Shut up, talking is surplus to needs." Kurt grabbed Sebastian's collar and dragged him down to his level. "Fuck me hard and rough and dirty."

"Never thought you could be more of a bitch. I was wrong." Sebastian quipped before his mouth was on Kurt's and he was backing him into a stall. His mouth fulfilled every one of Kurt's requests and Kurt knew he'd made the right choice with the former Warbler. He was spun around and his elbows rested on the toilet back and his pants were stripped down to his knees. Sebastian lubed up some fingers and slid one in.

"I don't need that. Two, now." Sebastian hesitated at Kurt's demand, he really was looking for quick and rough and... painful? What had happened? Sebastian's thoughts got the better of him, his hard earned decency in recent years was showing it's face and Sebastian squashed that back down. He'd always promised himself that if this opportunity arose, he'd do Kurt dirty. He'd hated the other boy, but he'd never thought... they'd always seemed... He stomped on that part of his conscious. It's what Kurt wanted and while he'd always thought 'doing Kurt dirty' would mean leaving him high and dry after getting him but he was flexible.

So Sebastian complied, he wasn't sure if this would show off his expert ability to get someone off if he was going so quickly and hard and fast, but he was determined to do both. It was only to prove a point to Kurt, but it would also be to prove it to himself.

"Cock, now." Kurt grunted and Sebastian wasn't sure if he wanted to for his own sake. Kurt was tight still. He widened Kurt as much as he could with just his fingers and then drew on his condom and lubed himself up liberally and pushed himself in as fast as he could without causing himself pain. He grimaced as Kurt nearly had a strangle-hold around him and there was a lot of resistance but Kurt urged him onward, to go deeper.

Sebastian broke his own vow to himself. "Are you sure?" He was only halfway in, as far as his fingers had been able to go with only two of them loosening Kurt up enough.

"All the way, now." Kurt commanded and Sebastian pushed in the last half with a hiss. Once fully seated though, Kurt felt wonderful around him. Sebastian nearly came then and there with that pulsing constriction. Now that would have ruined his reputation in an instant even if Kurt didn't pass the information around. The old Kurt never would. He was not sure who this new person was in the older body of the boy he once thought he knew. Nor did he know if this new Kurt would gossip about intimate details.

It was so different from the boy who used to blush at the mere mention of sex, much less any details.

"Move, now." Kurt moaned. "Fast, deep, hard, rough. Wreck me."

Sebastian couldn't. He just wasn't able to, not even with Kurt. He gave an amalgamation of it though, never going beyond what he deemed would be too far. He was not a punisher, he wasn't into BDSM and he would never, ever take a guy against his will, especially to cause pain. He was already worried as he worked Kurt over, going as fast and hard as he could without crossing that line. No matter what Kurt said he wanted, he had no idea, no one that tight could actually want that. Sebastian wouldn't be the one to send Kurt to the hospital because of something that was supposed to be for pleasure. He wasn't interested in being the reason anyone was in the hospital ever again.

There was something more going on but Sebastian pushed it out of his mind, focusing on the moment. It wasn't hard, he'd never been with a guy like this and be so completely into it. To be ready to pop at any time, with the right moment of the other guy clamping down. He wanted to do right by Kurt, knew he had to. He was always doing it for himself, but now it had a new depth to it than he'd imagined.

He'd gone into the bathroom for a little revenge sex but now... he wasn't even sure what it was. He was really enjoying himself. He must have been saying things, dirty, sexy things. His mouth had a tendency to run when he was really getting into it.

"Sebastian." Kurt's voice cut through the lust coursing through him. He wasn't sure if Kurt had been calling his name more than that once. Was he asking Sebastian to slow down or stop? He couldn't stop but he would slow down. He would stop if Kurt was asking that of him too though. "Fuck no." Kurt groaned when he started to slow, to listen to Kurt. "Keep going, faster even. Just shut the fuck up."

Sebastian moved his hips nearly painfully fast into his ass and Kurt grunted but didn't tell him that it was too rough. Sebastian didn't repeat the action, it was just a test, to see if Kurt wasn't being entirely truthful in his desires. Sebastian's hand reached around Kurt and sought out another piece of anatomy and was shocked when his fingers encircled it. Kurt was no girl, that was for sure. He was entirely all man. Kurt shuddered in pleasure at the touch.

So Kurt wanted quick and dirty, he'd get it. They were both grunting and panting. Then suddenly Kurt was clamping down hard onto Sebastian who in turn found his hand tightening around Kurt a little too tight but not tight enough to restrain him from getting off fully. Both came hard and long and were boneless and unable to move while they caught their breaths. Then Kurt was straightening up, reaching behind him to help hold the condom onto Sebastian but also remove Sebastian from him entirely.

He pulled up his pants and it was the first time that Sebastian realized he'd gone commando underneath those sinfully tight jeans. He had come into the toilet and for the most part it had all made it into the bowl. Kurt didn't bother to clean it up at all. The bathrooms were nasty anyway. Sebastian had no idea how he hadn't heard a riot act about the cleanliness of the stall. Another thing that seemed to have changed with this boy turned man.

Kurt put himself back together and pressed a hand against Sebastian's shoulder, moving him to the side of the stall. Sebastian wasn't out of the way and Kurt couldn't get the door open. "Move." Kurt said exasperatedly.

Sebastian had no more bones, they'd all been liquidated. He'd never had better sex in his life. What the hell? And it was with Kurt, who was now acting like the playboy, wanting to get away from his one night stand before it became sticky. He wasn't remotely embarrassed, just wanting to leave.

Part of Sebastian came back to him, and he reached into Kurt's pocket for his phone, drawing it out before Kurt could move. "Let's do this again."

"Maybe." Kurt rolled his eyes as he took the phone back and instead of deleting the number, he changed the name. It was too close quarters for him to hide his actions and Sebastian saw his name change to Smarmy Fivel.

"You're the smarmy one today." Sebastian pointed out.

"Once does not outweigh always."

"Not always." Sebastian didn't bother pointing out the contradictory nature of his contact info name. Nor that if Santana was still as deeply entrenched in his life that she wouldn't pick up on exactly who he was right away. He wasn't sure if Kurt cared that they knew he was now in his phone contacts. He might just want him in there as that for personal reasons.

He'd made sure to send himself a message from Kurt's phone so he'd have that number too. He didn't bother logging it quite yet. Damn, he was not nearly drunk enough to have slept with Kurt and definitely not enough to have liked it. What was wrong with him? And to want seconds? Who was this and what had he done with Sebastian.

Kurt shrugged, no longer even really listening to Sebastian and he nodded his head toward the door with a questioning brow. Sebastian sighed and moved out of his way, his cock was stirring for a second round already but he knew when to play his hand. Kurt would be begging him for another time and Sebastian would decide then if he would go ahead with it. Maybe with time and distance he'd decide that the uniqueness of the situation was the only reason he thought he enjoyed it. Maybe next time he ran across anything to do with Kurt, he'd no longer be so disillusioned and would turn him down.

Kurt disappeared from the bathroom but he went back out to the bar, flirting with another guy by the time Sebastian followed him out. Sebastian frowned lightly as he noticed that, even as another guy crowded in on him. He kept an eye on Kurt as he danced with the attractive man and he had to keep turning his head as they did so. Then Kurt was gone, the man he'd been flirting with was too but they weren't headed to the bathroom, instead they were going to the exit. Sebastian scowled, wondering if Kurt hadn't gotten it as rough as he'd wanted and was seeking it out elsewhere.

Kurt would get himself killed if he went asking for that with complete strangers.

Sebastian shook his head roughly, that didn't matter in the slightest to him. The only reasons that affected him at all was because of Kurt's connection to the Warblers and the fact that Sebastian wouldn't have an opportunity to tap that again. Next time he'd definitely take a bit more time with that Greek sculptured ass.

–

Sebastian hadn't seen or heard from Kurt in over two weeks and then there he was again. He was dancing, very blatantly, with a guy twice as tall as him and three times as broad. He was rippling muscles and he could easily tear Kurt apart with just his hands if he wanted to. They looked odd together and perhaps a bit wrong?

Sebastian tried to ignore them as they danced, the guy's front was nearly buried into Kurt's ass and the only thing keeping them apart from having sex on the dance floor were a few layers of clothing. Maybe not as many as others thought, as Sebastian remembered Kurt going commando.

So far tonight, none of the guys hitting on him were worth his time. He found fault in all of them. "You're being extra picky tonight." Sal said as he slid a drink in front of Sebastian. Sebastian eyed it wearily, he wanted to stay sober so he would know if that was a one-off or alcohol influenced or if Kurt just had a magical ass. None of his lays and quick hook ups had even begun to compare.

"Can't help it, maybe my tastes are becoming more discerning." He shared a look with Sal and then they both started laughing.

"Right, and next you'll tell me you were a boy scout growing up."

"Prepared for anything." Sebastian gave the traditional salute of the boy scouts and Sal's brow lifted in surprise. "Hey, the boy scouts prepared me for everything, including how to sneak around with other boys under very strict rules. Besides, they're the boy scouts, why would a gay kid want to go there? I was even an eagle scout and hit on the leader." Sebastian gave a small shrug. "That's when I got kicked out."

Sal chuckled and shook his head as he walked down the bar to serve someone else. Then Kurt was at the bar but a few seats down with a few people between them too. Sebastian leaned forward against the bar. "What's wrong, princess? Need some liquid courage to go through with tonight's 'roid rager?"

Kurt scowled when he caught sight of Sebastian. Apparently a quickie with Sebastian had not tempered his dislike of Sebastian what-so-ever. Although Sebastian's comment didn't lend him to believe that he'd felt any differently about Kurt either. Sebastian didn't. He had absolutely no feelings toward Kurt other than that of a good time as long as pants weren't involved.

"I thought by now you'd know that I was no princess." Kurt shot back and then waved Sal down and ordered a very naughty sounding drink. Sebastian thought that maybe he could supply him that in the bathroom too.

"Eh, a good cock doesn't change the fact that your ass sucks me in like a girl in heat nor your princess like personality. Ew... a spill!" Sebastian purposefully pitched his voice higher to sound like a over the top prissy girl.

His other comments though had caught the attention of everyone between him and Kurt and then some. Men at the bar were starting to smile and turn toward Kurt, full on seduction mode was engaged. Sebastian cursed, he hadn't been intending to get Kurt laid by others.

"Thanks, wingman." Kurt winked at him and then turned on a welcoming smile toward the men who approached him. Kurt left with three of them.

Fuuuuuck.

There was no way to compete with three guys at once. Sebastian did not share nor do orgies. He was a one on one type of guy who usually got his fill with the guy of the night and then never bothered with him again.

–

It might have been a month later when Sebastian got a phone call. Sebastian glanced at the time, it was 2 am on a Wednesday. He groaned, he had an exam in the morning and he'd only gone to bed about an hour ago after studying and trying to crunch in everything he'd already studied for the last week one more time in one day.

"What?" He snapped, not even bothering to look at the caller ID, no one deserved any sort of forgiveness for waking him. They all deserved his ire, no matter the reason. He didn't care if anyone was dying. It could wait for a decent time of day.

There was a loud din around the caller's voice and Sebastian couldn't hear the words. "What?" He growled. "I can't fucking hear you. If you're one of my meaningless hookups, you can go fuck yourself or someone else for all I care."

"Noted." Kurt's voice sounded sharp and clear in his ear like a bell as he moved away from whatever speakers and crowd he was nearby up until now.

"Kurt?" Sebastian was shocked, absolutely floored by the phone call and it's caller. "What the fuck are you calling me for?"

"Nothing, I'm going to go fuck myself." He hung up on Sebastian.

Sebastian called him right back, trying to be a bit more sane this time around and monitor his words and tone. He only did marginally better but it kept Kurt on the phone longer. "Why'd you call me?" He asked when the phone finally picked up after a fourth ring. He thought Kurt was going to ignore him and let it go to voicemail. This was not something they did. Not even close. Except for the exchange of numbers on Sebastian's insistence and exchange of insults the few random times they'd run across each other in their lifetime, calls didn't happen.

"I called because you might have wanted to be the one to fuck me tonight." Kurt answered and his words were sharp, totally opposite of the sounds that would have otherwise have led Sebastian to believe he'd been drinking, hard.

"Where are you?" Sebastian groaned to himself, what the hell was he doing? He was not going to offer his apartment to Kurt to sleep anything off. He was not going to... shit, he still wanted to test Kurt out for a second ride. He wasn't looking to purchase anything, he was just weighing his options for the night – sleep or a good fuck. He would always choose a good fuck, he'd pass his test without any sleep for a week. He'd only choose sleep on very, very rare occasions.

He could feel Kurt scowling on his end at the question. Sebastian was pretty sure Kurt wasn't going to give him any information, ever. Sebastian deserved it, he'd always used what he'd learned against the smaller boy.

"At NYU."

"Where you looking for me?" Sebastian's stomach twisted, was he dealing with a stalker?

"What? No. You go to school here?" Kurt sounded disgusted in return. "This school used to be higher in my esteem."

"Then why are you there?" As far as Sebastian knew, Kurt was a student at NYADA. It was all Blaine could talk about when they met up during Senior year. Unless Kurt failed or got kicked out. How could he maintain any sort of decent grade in those sort of classes if he were going out and doing what he was doing during the middle of the week? Those teachers were exacting and drew blood if they smelled the faintest hint of desertion or someone not pulling their weight. He supposed Kurt didn't have much weight to pull, but still, even his weak limbs had to be able to hold him up.

"I'm at a frat house." Kurt paused and Sebastian heard Kurt talking to someone and then laughter from a few males. "I guess it's a gay frat house. Can't be too many of them at NYU." Then he hung up and Sebastian stared at his phone, wondering if they got cut off. Kurt didn't call him back or text him anything else over the next ten minutes.

Sebastian debated for all of five minutes and then he got out of bed and threw on his jeans from earlier today and a polo. He was well aware of what frat house Kurt was talking about. There was only one so far at NYU. He had been approached to run but he had laughed at them. They'd never asked again. He wasn't even sure he was allowed in the door.

He pocketed his phone and keys and walked the mile to the frat house. He lived off campus but he didn't live far. He'd lived in the dorms his first two years but it was nothing like boarding school and he found he preferred the privacy of an apartment more. He didn't have any roommates and after school finished, he'd stop renting and purchase something in a higher end neighborhood. He particularly liked being able to roll out of bed and attend class. He might try to do the same with whatever job he picked up after graduation.

He was let in without anyone fussing over his arrival. There was a full fledged party happening and guys were spilling out of the house and into the yard and porch area. The inside was packed with bodies. It was like a rave on campus, and as far as he could tell, they were all gay. Hell, maybe he should come to these parties more often. There were definitely better options here than there were at the club.

Sebastian nearly got distracted by the hot writhing bodies in the living room. He was definitely hard and scanned the room who could help him with his problem. There was no need to go to the bathroom or a bedroom here. Not all those bodies were even dancing or even clothed. His lips tipped down, this was not some place he'd have ever expected to find Kurt Hummel in.

There were a lot of places he'd never expected to see Kurt Hummel in, nor doing what he'd been doing. If Kurt hadn't been the one choosing who he went home with, Sebastian would have suspected that someone was forcing Kurt into this behavior. The good and innocent truly was just an illusion. No one was as good as the Kurt he presented in high school. Or maybe he'd just been needing permission to go this way after his chastity belt had been unlocked.

Sebastian didn't know why that made him lose faith in humanity just a little more.

Still, he sought out the newest pain in his side. After tonight he would be able to purge him out of his system and be done with him for good. Kurt had definitely never planned to see him again after getting his rocks off and experiencing Sebastian for himself, just once.

He forced his body to calm down from all the sensory overload he was getting in this place. He needed to at least be able to walk. A hand brushed up against him and he closed his eyes in pleasure. He didn't move as the hand worked him over and he leaned back into the chest, his head flopped back onto the man's shoulder. He was just slightly taller than Sebastian then. He must have moaned and said something because the man behind him laughed a little and started in on dirty talk as he relieved Sebastian of his troubles. Or at least this pressing one. The talk moved him to the edge a lot faster than the hand alone would have.

Then the man was gone, swallowed up by the crowd and Sebastian blinked in confusion. His head was never quite clear headed in this crowd but he was coming down from a high. He shook his head and tried to clear it further. Why was he here again? Why hadn't the guy wanted a return service?

Sebastian had no idea who it was, doubting he'd even recognize the hand or voice if he ever heard him again. Maybe if he used the same words and wording. Maybe.

Sebastian was so tempted to just throw himself into the living room and let himself be swallowed up to sensual sensation and touch. It was every gay boy's wet dream come to life. Then Journey came over the speakers and everyone groaned. Someone apologized and said something about not knowing how it got on there. The song quickly changed and Sebastian was jarred back to realization of why he came with that unfortunate reminder. He eyed the pit regretfully and because of that particular feeling, he almost did it anyway. He had never gone against his desires before. He always did what and who he wanted if the opportunity presented itself.

Except the moment had passed and he was here for a different purpose. He didn't know the next time Kurt would be game for this. The edge was taken off at least and he could take his time. He wouldn't be quite so eager for it. He needed some time to be able to go again anyway.

He stumbled into the kitchen, not knowing what room he was walking into and was brushed past by someone looking for something more to drink.

There was a small group of guys near the corner of the kitchen. They were loosely surrounding another guy and Sebastian rolled his eyes and nearly moved on when he caught sight of some familiar boots. He had made fun of those boots more than once. He was surprised Kurt even still had them and he knew it was Kurt because he stepped closer and confirmed it.

Then he had to calm himself down for an entirely different reason. He shock at his reaction did a better job than his efforts to do so. Kurt had a piece of meat against his face and it was not an euphemism for dick. He removed it while Sebastian watched and there was a giant red spot taking up the entire area between cheekbone and jaw.

"Honestly man, I think you should go to the ER. You could have broken something." One of the frat boys was saying, poking at the red spot that definitely didn't come from the meat's juices as even at this distance Sebastian could see that it was a frozen piece of meat. Of course these frat boys would have frozen meat like that.

"Nah." Kurt's words were a little slurred and looked down into his cup with a bit of a frown. Someone replaced his cup with another one with the drink nearly sloshing out of it. Kurt grinned on the side of his face that wasn't bruising as they watched. He took a long swig of his drink. "I've had worse."

Sebastian nearly boiled over and started shouting but someone stepped on his foot on the way to the fridge. He turned and snipped at them instead for not paying attention and being an ogre who couldn't control their feet. It felt good yelling at someone and made him feel better that the reason he wasn't being chill about the obvious accident was because of his own physical well-being and nothing at all to do with Kurt.

Kurt's head tipped to the side as he heard Sebastian and his eyes narrowed in on him. "No wonder you're not asked out to play. You're a bad child who doesn't know their manners." Kurt chided and Sebastian spun toward him.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Sebastian barked.

"Hey, dude, calm down." One of the frat boys held up his hands. "He's drunk and hurt. Maybe you should take five somewhere else. I'm sure one of the guys wouldn't mind entertaining you."

"You're actually surrounding my entertainment for the night." Sebastian responded dryly.

"I don't think he's up for it." Another of the guys said, dropping his arm around Kurt's shoulders protectively. "And I don't care what kind of entertainment you were seeking."

"I'm fine." Kurt tried to struggle out from under the arm.

"You're trashed." A third boy said with a sly smile and Sebastian didn't like that look at all. He didn't have quite a read on it yet, whether he was plotting on taking advantage of Kurt himself or if he was amused and plotting to tease him tomorrow for his actions.

"That's the 'Bastian." Kurt informed them. "I guided him here. Stupid me."

"Oh." The third boy's face fell and Sebastian tried to ignore Kurt's snark and determine what that new look was about.

"I thought he was at least house trained enough to be able to interact with people." Kurt continued as if no one else had spoken.

"Ok, that's enough." Sebastian snapped. "Did you call me to insult me or fuck me?"

Kurt's head swiveled toward him and he tossed him a very sly look. "You're going to let me pitch?"

How could Kurt still manage that if he was 'trashed' and 'drunk' as the other boys had claimed? He shouldn't be able to control his facial features so well with that much alcohol pumping through his system. "Fuck no, not even if you were sober."

"Hell, I would." The second boy said unbidden and enthused. The first guy whistled while the third nodded. "Have you seen what he's packing? That would feel amazing. I've only let one guy pitch before and if Kurt wanted to, I'd strip for him in nanoseconds and offer myself up on a platter."

More nods of agreement. Then the third saw Sebastian's face and a smirk tugged at the side of his mouth. "Except that ass is meant to be fucked in all ways. I would have trouble deciding if I wanted to pitch or receive and might just decide to go through every position twice as pitcher one time and receiver the next. Though there are some positions I'd never be able to get myself into but Kurt can. I'm not quite as bendy as he is."

Kurt chuckled and buried his head into the guy's shoulder that still had his arm wrapped around Kurt. The guy deliberately tightened his arm around Kurt while watching Sebastian. "Might we all get a room then?" He asked resting his chin on top of Kurt's head and looking at the other two. "Since Kurt's determined not to leave us for smarter pastures."

"I don't share." Sebastian had slowly been making his way toward them and reached in, grabbing Kurt's arm and pulling him away with a firm grip. He didn't care if any of them were hurt in the process. "And get him some ice."

"All the ice is being used for drinks and coolers." The first guy shrugged. "Now that we've busted out the meat though, we might as well start up the grill."

"Yeah!" The second and third agreed enthusiastically, already forgetting about riling Sebastian up or getting into Kurt's pants.

Sebastian pinched Kurt's chin between his forefinger and thumb and jerked his head up to get a better read on the situation. He was none too gentle and he hated that Kurt seemed turned on by the roughness. "You need to see a therapist." He decided but Kurt's eyes weren't swimming too badly. He didn't look like he would throw up on anyone any time soon at least. The bruise could have been a slap or a punch and it was darkening slowly. It was too soon to tell if it would be a deep bruise and he slid his fingers along the cheek bone and jaw to see if there was an obvious break. He didn't feel anything out of the norm but ran his fingers along the other side to compare. Some swelling, which was expected but otherwise it felt the same.

Kurt's eyes dilated at the gentle touch. If anything, he was more turned on by that than the rough handling earlier. Sebastian felt the discomfort of a frown and twisted lips and forced himself to go back to a neutral face. Again Kurt's behavior seemed so at odds with who he had been, who just presented himself briefly in a forbidden moment. Sebastian wasn't supposed to have seen that but he did and wished he hadn't. It only confused him and he didn't need any unanswered questions regarding Kurt. He wanted to keep this simple.

It could never be simple with Kurt though. He had a history with him, even if it was bad history. He was connected to people he'd continue to see, might even run into Kurt at events too. He never should have gone into that bathroom with Kurt. Kurt was determined to keep it string-free and wasn't making it complicated. Only Sebastian seemed to be doing that. Though Kurt had called him.

Damn it, he just needed to fuck Kurt and things could go back to being simple. They'd get each other out of their system and move on. Neither would mention it again, he knew that much. Kurt acted like they hadn't had sex already. He would continue to ignore that and Sebastian. No one would ever be the wiser.

"Let's go." Sebastian dragged Kurt with him out of the kitchen. He had half a mind to drag Kurt upstairs, put him face down onto a bed and just pound into Kurt until they were both too sore to even think about having sex again any time soon. Then repeat until his cock fell off and Kurt was utterly wrecked and could only pitch from then on. Sebastian was tempted to then switch places and go until both could no longer have sex in any capacity due to over use.

But Kurt couldn't consent, he was no where near sober. The walk back to Sebastian's apartment would burn through that alcohol. He'd be sober enough by then and the fresh air would help aid Sebastian's plight. If he wasn't, then Sebastian would force coffee on him and hold Kurt's head under running freezing water until Sebastian was satisfied. There would be nothing dubious about their next act together.

Sebastian's best intentions went out the window the second they got back to his apartment. Kurt started nibbling on his ear and jaw and down his neck. They stumbled into Sebastian's couch and fell onto it, Kurt on top. It wasn't like the first time but it was still somewhat angry, Kurt was punishing himself, tearing at their clothes, pushing them into joining far sooner than preparation allowed. It was wild though this time, rather than a requested roughness. It was still far faster and was over before Sebastian had wanted or planned.

Kurt slid off of Sebastian and was standing next to him, searching for his pants. He had tossed them to the side after he wiggled out of them, not leaving Sebastian's body to do so. It had been far too erotic. Kurt had only undone Sebastian's pants and freed his cock while Sebastian's fingers worked him open. He'd sank down onto Sebastian after he put a condom on him and some lube. It wasn't nearly enough lube and Sebastian had quickly added more.

The tight heat had been just how Sebastian had remembered it. He nearly bucked up into Kurt but Kurt had already bottomed out and it wouldn't have made much of a difference. Kurt set the pace for a while but Sebastian had caught him and slowed him down. He claimed it was for himself and Kurt reluctantly agreed. Then as Sebastian's fingers stroked Kurt's inner thighs, under his knees as Kurt rose to drag Sebastian along his inner sheath out then back in again, Kurt's body had quivered.

It only confirmed what Sebastian had known. Kurt was trying to get off rough and dirty just for the orgasm. He was far more attracted to and responsive to a gentler touch, a more intimate and sensual touch. He wanted to just get off, he wasn't looking for pleasure. He didn't want any sort of connection, he just wanted to be used and disposed of.

It was something Sebastian wished he hadn't learned. Now he wanted to see if he could take Kurt apart and make him shudder and quiver and fall into pieces because of him. It would be at a pace that Kurt would not ask for but he would want it.

Sebastian wanted more of Kurt than just this second time. One more, he told himself, just to see if he could make Kurt addicted to him and then cut him off cold turkey.

"Don't go, we haven't depleted our energy sources yet." Sebastian tried to grab at Kurt but he pulled away before Sebastian could touch him.

"Bye 'Bastian." He hated how Kurt shortened his name. Sebastian had so many questions but he let Kurt go. He obviously wasn't too drunk to get home safely, even at this hour. Sebastian willed himself not to worry. Kurt had gotten himself here, he could get himself back. He'd done far worse, they both had. Still... Sebastian was knew there were other dangers out there.

Then he shrugged, cleaned himself up and went back to bed. He had an exam in the morning and Kurt would be calling him for another hookup. He'd probably be calling in a day or two.

–

It did not work out the way Sebastian had predicted. Sebastian was the one who sent Kurt an emoji text of a peach and an eggplant when he was particularly horny about a week later.

He got a big red X in response.

Sebastian sighed and tossed his phone onto the bed next to him. His hand would have to suffice for the night. He wasn't in the mood to go out. He had wanted Kurt to come to him. Kurt was the star of his imagination that night as he worked on himself.

He didn't hear from Kurt for another three weeks. It was only after he ran into him in a club again and they ended up in the bathroom, again, that changed their setup.

Kurt started texting him randomly for booty calls at 2 am. Never before and never after 2:30 am. It wasn't the same night every week and the number of nights varied each week. Sebastian knew Kurt was still going home with strangers in the clubs or bars, maybe even at frat row. He'd text Kurt wanting a booty call but would get turned down every time. If Sebastian sent the text prior to midnight, Kurt would sometimes text him at 2 am asking if he was still up for it. Sebastian was a healthy blooded male with a sex drive that rivaled sex addicts. He always said yes.

Neither attempted for more at any other time of the day. Sebastian was used to Kurt rolling out of the bed or off the couch, not even bothering to clean up if it wasn't a big mess and leaving. He never spent the night nor stayed for a second round. There was once that Kurt had to borrow Sebastian's clothes because there was no way that Kurt wouldn't be harassed on the way home, it was too obvious what he'd been up to.

Sebastian didn't even say anything about Kurt in his clothes. Kurt dropped his clothes off, cleaned and packaged via courier the next day. No word of thanks or acknowledging that it had happened.

It was an arrangement that worked out quite well for both of them.

–

Sebastian didn't know why he did it. He knew better, knew that Kurt never took him up on it. He just felt the need to rub it in today. He sent Kurt his typical way of asking for a booty call with the emojis that were far too obvious. He got a thumbs down in response. At least it wasn't a stupid glaringly big red X. It felt like failure to get that and he supposed that's why Kurt did it. He knew the psychology involved with that cultural conditioning.

He scowled at the picture though of the thumb. He wanted to send Kurt a message about Romans having the opposite direction meaning what Kurt was trying to convey. Sebastian was horny and hard and he was the one who had become addicted to sex with Kurt.

He'd been flirting with a really attractive guy all night. They were talking about heading out, catching a cab and going home together. He sent Kurt another message. 'Last chance. Going to go get it on with another guy.' He got a thumbs up in response to that message, approval, cheers perhaps and disinterest all clearly read in that emoji. It was definitely not a symbol giving Sebastian a green light to expect Kurt in his lap tonight.

His top lip lifted in a sneer. What the fuck had he become? He was not someone to pant after another guy, especially a guy he'd already had. He was not a doormat nor someone to be used and discarded at will. He was the one that burnt through guys, using them up and tossing them out when he was through with them. The only reason Kurt had his claws so deeply in Sebastian was because he'd been the one setting the terms, had been walking out before Sebastian felt completely sated. Oh, he'd always gotten off with Kurt, but he probably wouldn't feel that way unless he got to have him for several rounds in one night. That might be the only way to clear him from his system.

He was not going to be someone's dirty secret or a doll kept in a corner and only brought out when the user wanted to play with him. He was fucking Sebastian Smythe. He was someone to be feared and revered and fawned over. He was perfection and expected to be treated like the best gift to man. Whatever this was with Kurt had to end, to change, something. He would take it all into his own hands.

Starting with the guy who was more than willing to put himself completely in Sebastian's capable hands.

And that... sucked. It fell so completely flat that Sebastian wondered if he needed to start taking pills. The make out had been sloppy and somewhat painful as the guy bit too hard, teeth gnawed and mashed together and bruised Sebastian's lips but not in the sexy way. They'd bonked noses far too often to even attempt to kiss again after the last time. Sebastian got the guy onto all fours and started working him open and just didn't feel it. All sexual chemistry and desire faded out of him. He looked down at the muscular tan body in front of him and the muscles just seemed all wrong. There were pits and divots in those muscles, the ass wasn't full and round and perky. The sides dipped in too much, creating a very common groove between muscle and bone. His entire body was cut and Sebastian's cock only twitched but it didn't get hard, he managed half mast at best.

He got the guy off with his hands only, feeling like he owed the guy after the blow job in the town car that took them from bar to the guy's apartment. He left after that.

Another guy and another failed attempt to have intercourse. He didn't even get hard enough with a hand and mouth job in his bed. Sebastian collapsed back against his pillow frustrated. The guy was frustrated too. "Well if you can't get it up, at least do me."

Sebastian lifted a brow. "Get out." The guy protested but Sebastian pointed toward the door, his face did not invite arguments. The guy grumbled about him as he got dressed and left.

Another guy and this one was fine with Sebastian's lack of response. "I could always pitch. Stroking your prostate will get you hard at least."

"Out." Sebastian didn't even bother to watch this one leave. He just tossed his arm over his face and groaned. Kurt had set out to be wrecked and punished. In the end, Kurt had been the one to wreck Sebastian. Sebastian would get his revenge. The little bugger hadn't even text for a booty call once since that stupid thumbs up. Was he just being passive aggressive because he was mad Sebastian had outright told him? It was hypocritical since Kurt was still going out and getting laid.

Kurt probably didn't even worry about whether or not he could get it up. He just wanted to be a vessel and used. He wanted the pain, so he probably didn't even care about the orgasm, with Sebastian it was probably just a side effect. Not that since their second time in the bathroom, had Sebastian been any where near as rough, despite Kurt asking him to fuck him like any of his other one-night stands.

He had not managed to get Kurt to disintegrate in his arms. Kurt refused to let him be gentle or seductive. Maybe he was more frustrated with Sebastian not fulfilling the end that he thought Sebastian was agreeing to.

Honestly, if Sebastian went easy on him, tried other tactics, made it more intimate or sensual, Kurt would put an end to what they were doing that night and leave. He would leave them both high and dry. He would go without if Sebastian tried to have sex with him instead of being fucked.

Sebastian groaned again as he realized that he knew absolutely nothing about New York Kurt except that they sometimes ran into each other at the same bars. No, that wasn't strictly true, he knew Kurt had at least been accepted into NYADA, same as the hobbits. He could always approach one of them without giving away his real goal and learn more about Kurt through them.

He knew which one he would start with. He reached for his phone but dropped his arm as he wondered if Kurt was still in a relationship with that one. It might be safer for all involved he went to the other one, the one who declared him a forever enemy- her nemesis. Sebastian rolled his eyes at the dramatics. He'd had very little to do with her, had just gone after those around her. She probably had thirty nemeses.

He really didn't want to broach that divide with her. He didn't want to invite that in. He still recoiled from the memory of her screeches and had nearly thrown up when he realized that was just her speaking voice.

Did he have any other choice though?

Another groan, but they were the better option, it was at least a more recent interaction with them. He would go back to the frat house and talk to the triplet idiots. Hopefully they'd know something about Kurt that was at least a decent lead.

They definitely earned their keep and his efforts. He unfortunately wasn't able to reward them, which was a shame because in the light of day without Kurt around, they were far more attractive than Sebastian remembered.

–

Kurt was going to curse him out, spectators be damned. How had he found him? He clawed back his initial reaction to Sebastian's presence and greeting. "Of all the gin joints..."

"You fool, gin joints are rare and this is not some romantic interlude." Kurt hissed under his breath, keeping his face toward the back of the bar, not giving anyone any indicators that he was talking to or affected by Sebastian's presence. "This isn't even a Gin Joint." It was Callbacks. It was a NYADA hang out and Kurt was hanging out with NYADA students.

"The puppy is looking over here, completely wounded." Sebastian's voice had somewhere along the way gone from grating to skating along his nerve endings. Just his voice alone, the words didn't matter, could turn Kurt on instantly. It's why he had stopped texting Sebastian for hookups. It had started out simple but slowly had morphed into something else. He hadn't wanted to be turned on, he wanted to be relieved of his physical need, that's all. He wasn't going to go out looking for it, especially not with Sebastian.

He'd wanted to get this out of his system, wanted to come back fresh and fixed and ready to try again. Sebastian had just been an unfortunate bystander who had been one of the best at getting Kurt what he'd needed. Others hadn't even come close. Others still had gone beyond what Sebastian had been comfortable with and Kurt had thanked them. One had been too much and Kurt had tried to crawl back from that but the man hadn't listened, hadn't lessened the intensity. Kurt didn't go out for a month after that. Still though, he'd been yearning for something and Sebastian had scratched the itch but it still festered under his skin like an infection. It just couldn't be purged but he knew his body couldn't take that level of intensity again. That hadn't been the solution.

He decided maybe the solution was what he'd been avoiding this entire time. What he'd been putting off. He wanted to be healed before he opened himself up to that level of vulnerability again.

He saw now that he'd gone too far the other way. He breathed in a shuddering breath every time he thought about how he went off the high dive into the deep end without knowing how to swim. He'd somehow broken the water's surface though and had taken a deep breath and Sebastian would only pull him back under again. "Go away, you're only going to ruin things for me."

"Oh yeah?" Sebastian crowded his space and Kurt had to close his eyes, his body absorbing Sebastian's heat and making him melt a little. He forgot that Sebastian could see his face through the mirror. He leaned in even more, pressing his advantage and his lips brushed his ear as he spoke. The breath teasing his skin and the little hairs that covered his body. The words took a moment to sink in and when they did, they were like a cold shower. "The puppy doesn't know, does he? If he knew that you and I had been bumping uglies he'd have a fit, wouldn't he? Maybe I should go over there and tell him. I'd love to see his face to know that he could be faithful when it came to my body, but you sought it out. What would he do if you found out you were a cheat and him such an innocent?"

Kurt's spine stiffened and his hand curled dangerously around the drink in front of him. Those were definitely the wrong things to say. "Oh, go ahead, ruin his 'innocence.' I wish you luck though since he did a good enough job of that on his own. That relationship is over."

Even more questions flooded through Sebastian at Kurt's announcement. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You weren't ever supposed to talk, remember? Just to bend me over and fuck me hard." Kurt's eyes flashed toward him and he was greeted by yet another iceberg he'd have to work hard to melt. He'd gotten through a few others so far with Kurt. This didn't discourage him at all.

"So then you're free of romantic entanglements. That's good. Come out back with me. I'll push you up between two dumpsters and make sure you get nice and dirty."

"No." Kurt shook his head. "Not tonight or any other night from now on, Sebastian. That relationship might be over, but I'm not free of romantic entanglements. As for getting dirty, never again, not like that, and not in the actual sense either. I will never go between two dumpsters with you. I try to steer clear of them as much as possible. They don't exactly bring up fond memories."

"Nobody has fond memories of dumpsters." Sebastian was confused and dry toned. Though, he supposed someone might find a way to create a good memory of them. He had been planning to do so with Kurt just now.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "And this just proves you know absolutely nothing substantial about me. I bet you needed help finding this place. Who did you blow to get the information? I can't believe you'd stoop so low as to try and ruin my life."

"And what you've done with your body the last six months hasn't been ruining your life, hasn't been an actual part of your life? No matter how you swing it or say, you did those things. There's no erasing those deeds. Do you even get tested?"

"Yes." He'd been tested several times after that one time. He also made sure he got tested any time he hooked up with Sebastian. Sebastian had quite a bit of a reputation, both from himself and others. The other hookups- he got tested afterward too, but he might have been a bit more lax with the speed and regularity afterward. Sometimes he let it wait a week or two longer than he normally would have. "I have no interest in getting sick nor passing it onto another."

"I've always come back clean." Sebastian reminded Kurt, feeling a little attacked, especially as Kurt had behaved in some ways worse than Sebastian had recently. "And don't you dare say it's been luck. I've always made sure it's a safe joining, even with those who like things a little more chaotic or wild."

Kurt's lips twisted, knowing Sebastian clearly meant him. "Great. So we're both clean. You can go away from here feeling reassured that I'm not the one who is passing diseases along."

"Fuck, Kurt." Sebastian grabbed Kurt's elbow. "Come out back with me." Kurt hated that he was weak enough to want to, and that Sebastian's hand around his elbow was all he could focus on. He forced himself to look away, to remind himself why he was there.

"I'm done with that and you." His eyes betrayed him as he glanced back at the table. "And with this conversation. Go home. Go to another bar. I don't care, but get out of my face and don't ghost my door ever again."

"It's not something you really have to worry about, is it? Considering that I've never been to your place." Sebastian's lips twisted as his eyes raked over Kurt's face. "Fine. You have my number when you change your mind."

Kurt hated that Sebastian was so sure that he'd use it again. He wished he could just delete it on the spot but knew he couldn't, wouldn't. He may never be able to cut that final tie to the best intercourse of his life and he knew it could be even better but refused to let it. "I'm not going to, so don't hold your breath." Kurt hoped that was true.

Sebastian walked out and Kurt walked back to the table. He sat down between Brody and Adam. Rachel and Blaine sat across from him. "Was that Sebastian Smythe?" Rachel asked with her usual sharp tones. "What the hell did he want?"

"Was he bothering you?" Blaine asked softly and he stopped talking with Kurt sent him a withering glare. He looked away and played with the label of his beer bottle.

Kurt briefly closed his eyes and then looked to Rachel. He was so glad that Santana had been in the bathroom the entire time that Sebastian was there and didn't witness their interactions. She saw far too much and wouldn't let him live it down. "He just wanted directions to the nearest brothel."

Rachel snickered and it was the perfect thing to say for her already formed opinion of Sebastian. "He would pay for it, wouldn't he?"

He would never need to, men would just offer themselves up to him. Kurt had been among them and he didn't feel guilty for being another notch on his bedpost. He'd wanted to experience it at least once when he realized he could and did. Still, Rachel had an extremely inaccurate picture of Sebastian. She thought he was a creep of the worst order and Kurt found he couldn't view Sebastian even close to that anymore.

He'd never been able to get to that same level as Rachel, but his own opinion hadn't been high. It had improved considerably though. Sebastian had attempted to give Kurt what he wanted without going passed his own comfort level and he'd been so close to achieving Kurt's goal. He'd gotten Kurt off every time. He could not say that for all the guys he'd been with. He probably only got that with a small handful and one had been a group effort that succeeded. Otherwise, he didn't think any of those particular guys would have done so on their own.

He wasn't sure why. He'd gone home with them attracted and his cock had peaked up in interest but when they were stripped and ready to go... it had been hard to achieve the completion. Maybe the rough wasn't what his body had wanted. He hadn't cared what his body had wanted, it's what his brain had needed. He'd also needed physical touch. Rachel and Santana's snuggles were nice and all, and his boyfriend pillow helped him sleep most nights, but it wasn't the same as being touched by an interested partner. His own hand hadn't cut it and it had been impossible for him to even skate the edge of pain by himself. He always pulled back at the slightest bit of discomfort. He'd had to have given himself over, let someone else be in control of his body. Yet it had all been about control for himself.

He'd lost control once, someone else had taken it out of his hands and that hadn't been what he'd desired at all. He nearly pulled back completely from others, had to work himself out of the shell he'd hidden behind and forced himself back out there. He wanted the illusion of giving control to someone else but having it in his hands the whole time. They had the physical abilities but he only chose people then who would stop when he said to. Yet he could stop himself from saying no or stop when someone else reached that edge of pain/pleasure to maybe a bit too much on the side of pain. They didn't have a barrier they couldn't bypass no matter what they tried. Only they didn't hurt him, not really. They just let him live in that pain-pleasure-pain zone that he'd wanted.

He didn't know what he was attempting to achieve there. It just never did it for him. Not enough at least. He was missing something vital. Again, Sebastian was the only one to brush up against that missing piece, tempting him with the idea that it wasn't quite out of reach as he thought. He'd gone back to Sebastian several times but whenever he thought he could touch it, his body pulled back. Just like it did whenever it knew that Kurt's intentions were pain and not pleasure. Then he'd leave. Except with Sebastian it was the opposite, whenever pleasure was just about in reach, his body said nope, he only deserved pain.

He wanted the pain to burn away Blaine's touch for good, someone who had muddled the lines for Kurt. He wanted the pain and discomfort to be forefront when it came to interactions with others so the next time he entered a romantic relationship, there was only tender touch and pleasure. He wanted to draw a line in the sand between the two of them.

Sex had been pleasure and a punishment, a controlling tool given as a reward and taken away and then used against him. Blaine had sent him into a spiral of confusion over what sex was, why men had it and whether or not he deserved it at any given point and what he should expect to experience through it. Kurt had gone out to the farthest reaches he could. He'd put himself on a limb and wanted to fall. He'd gotten so close to destroying any desire for more. Except... that blasted Sebastian Smythe had rekindled the good when it came to sex, reminded him that he could like it and enjoy it. That it was for him too, that he could have sex entirely in his own hands on his own terms.

At the frat party, Sebastian said that Kurt needed to see a therapist and he was right. A therapist was helping him work through the other factors that had contributed to his downward spiral. He hadn't entangled it into his sexual exploits but they had cropped up in other areas too, mainly his communication with any one else. He'd cut nearly everyone out of his life and when he did communicate it was short and to the point. He'd lost all ability to speak nicely to anyone and was the biggest asshole on the planet. Except for at school, at school no one was the wiser.

Finn's death, his father's cancer diagnosis, Carole's emotional devastation had all been laid on him. Rachel's ongoing dramas, Santana's snark and inability to be kind for more than a minute a month, the two of them being his roommates and constantly at each other's throats and him having to be the peace keeper. Three jobs on top of school full time, having to pay for school and his portion of the rent while Santana freeloaded and Rachel had everything paid for in full. Rachel only went to school and worked part time in the diner. Santana worked part time in the diner and didn't do much else that required her to be a responsible human being.

All of that caused him to lash out at those he deemed safe to do so with. Namely Sebastian and Blaine. Blaine had deserved it, Sebastian... probably hadn't. He also hadn't kept his mouth shut while at the frat party and just laid into the absolutely worst person to do so with. He had been rightly smacked for that verbal dressing down.

Rachel and Santana despite everything were always making him feel like one wrong move and he'd be alone forever. Obviously they'd stuck together through far worse, had said terrible things to each other constantly, but being in New York, he felt practically alone for awhile.

Blaine had not only used sex as a tool to keep Kurt in line, in all the worst possible ways, but had also sought it out elsewhere. The time he'd cheated on Kurt while they'd been states apart... had been forgiven and moved on passed. The cheating going on behind Kurt's back as he worked to support those who never went grocery shopping and expected him to cook and clean – well, that had been too much. Even more so when 'Eli C' had sent him a video, a very graphic and explicit video, in his bed.

There's been a lot of things that even Kurt in his attempt to hurt, to feel deeper, hell, at some points just to feel anything that he wouldn't have done that Blaine had done with Eli. It was the same Eli that he had cheated on Kurt with and claimed to be once and done and meant nothing. He had followed Blaine to New York and they'd continued a relationship behind his back. It was definitely not nothing. Kurt had lashed out and lashed out hard.

Then there was Adam, sweet, caring, kind, supportive Adam. Adam who never said one mean thing to Kurt, had only complimented him and tried to raise him up. He always had Kurt's back, was always on his side and had given him options and support systems. Had found other outlets for Kurt's pain that wasn't self-destructive. He praised Kurt, he created a place for him at NYADA that Kurt hadn't realized he was missing. He brought him into the fold and Kurt had new friends. He defended him against naysayers and catty people. He protected him against his own roommates.

He kept asking Kurt out.

Kurt kept saying no, not yet, he wasn't at a place emotionally or mentally to give himself over to an all consuming romantic relationship. He didn't want Adam to be a rebound.

So he'd went out there looking for a rebound that meant nothing to him and who he could mean nothing to in return. He rebounded all right, just hard and kept bouncing. He still hadn't been sure about the romantic nature of a relationship, he wasn't sure if he was there. Yet he knew it was time to give it a chance. He had to give it a chance. Nothing else so far had been working.

Maybe Adam could help him heal the scars he just kept digging into his soul. He knew he shouldn't need someone else's help. But he didn't think he could ever completely heal until he knew he could love and be loved. That was the biggest, deepest, ugliest scar, thinking he was unlovable in that way. Blaine had claimed it long and hard and he'd believed him and then Blaine had torn him in two and he wasn't sure he could ever trust in that word again.

Yet if anyone could, it would be calm, patient, loving Adam. He had to give this a chance before Adam thought that 'not yet' was actually code for 'I'm too nice to say – never' and then move on to someone else. No one would ever be able to compare to Adam, he was just so genuine and pure and kind. He also wanted Kurt. He was persistent and patient and there for Kurt but also let him know that he was attracted and had asked him out. He was the pursuant and in a way that wasn't just sprung up upon Kurt in a way that was inflicting nightmares and horror.

Not like Karofsky, who forced himself onto Kurt's mouth after a round of bullying and in a heated argument with no prior indicator that there was physical attraction involved. It had startled Kurt right beyond flattery or understanding into fear. Fear had been the word for both of them, Kurt's fear was that more would be forced upon him and Karofsky's fear would be that he was outed and his life destroyed. It was only time and space apart that both could heal and help Kurt enter the understanding and calm rationality. Then Karofsky tried to commit suicide because of his fears coming true but dragging Kurt right along with him by muddying the waters, making him think it was his fault for not returning feelings or phone calls right away while he was in class.

Karofsky, his actions, his desires placed upon Kurt, his particular brand of bullying, along with everything else and the other bullying happening were not good lead ins to a healthy mentality. Kurt was learning this with his therapist who was shocked that Kurt had reached the age of 22 before finding a seat in a therapist's chair.

At the very latest, he should have probably started attending sessions when he was transferred to Dalton. Years of damage compounded and had to be undone, and then more psychological damage had been dumped on him. There was more than he could possibly list, but he thought he was managing. He thought he was doing well.

Now he knows he really wasn't. He'd always been conservative with sex, had always viewed it as the pinnacle of expression of love. He'd romanticized it, he'd given it far more weight and value than most people did. Then he threw all of his values about it out the window and went the opposite direction.

His therapist had warned him about saying yes to Adam. It could be a very slippery slope to come back from, but Kurt felt he had to give it a chance. If this didn't work out, he was cautioned, he could sink further into that pit of despair he was finally climbing out of. He was perhaps holding Adam up too high on a pedestal and romanticizing this relationship, especially before it even started.

The higher he held it, the further he was going to fall. Kurt had scoffed. Adam was perfection, the complete package. There was no way it was going to crumble in his hands. Adam had been patient enough for over a year, through having a boyfriend and breaking up with boyfriend and needing to be in a better place before dating him.

And his therapist was right.

–

There was nothing wrong with Adam, per say. Kurt just couldn't help but view him as all the things he wasn't. Or rather, the person he wasn't.

He wasn't Sebastian. He didn't have a bite and snark and tear Kurt down and then rebuild him up. He didn't rough him up and then soothe him and smooth him out. He didn't have green eyes that could cut, laugh and warm all at the same time.

Sex with Adam had been a complete disaster and let down. Adam had been nothing but gentle and careful and had been aware of Kurt's mixed emotions when it came to the physical act. He knew nothing about Kurt's desire to hurt or be punished. Kurt hadn't wanted any of that with Adam.

Then the first time was too reminiscent of Kurt's first time with Blaine. The time they actually first had sex, not the weird fumbling in the backseat of a car. Again, he should have realized Blaine was using sex to control. Unfortunately, Kurt had learned that lesson too well and had started to employ it himself. He was thankful that he realized it and put a kibosh to that.

Except with Adam it hadn't hurt, hadn't been awkward or hesitation. He'd known exactly what he was doing. Perhaps that had seemed to practiced to Kurt?

Adam had penetrated Kurt and it felt nice. It hadn't hurt at all and he stroked along Kurt's prostate and everything should have been grand. Except, it hadn't been.

Weeping had occurred, but not from his tip, rather from his eyes. Adam tried to be reassuring and understanding and they tried again a few weeks later. No crying that time but there hadn't been any orgasms either. Kurt just couldn't seem to muster any sexual appetite up anymore.

He'd gone back to a club after he and Adam called it quits. They just knew it wasn't going to work. He'd picked up a guy who he knew would have no problem if Kurt just let himself be a receptacle and require no reciprocal results. He felt nothing, not even what he'd felt before when he let this happen. He didn't even have the faintest stirrings of need.

He went through the motions, felt numb all day. Somehow when he'd been going hard at it with Sebastian, it had given the rest of his life vibrancy. Perhaps he could wash away a lot of his problems with that physical exertion and physical connection that he couldn't achieve elsewhere. Except the guy in the bathroom had proved that wasn't it. Adam had proved that wasn't it.

Kurt tried baiting and back-talking another guy but that only resulted in a smarting jaw.

He gave in. He called Sebastian. Maybe it was Sebastian all along that had allowed him to feel.

Sebastian opened the door for him, looking incredibly smug. Then his face transformed at the sight of another bruise on Kurt's face.

He grabbed Kurt's shoulders and guided him in and to a couch. He rummaged around in his freezer before bringing an ice pack to Kurt's face. "Don't bother, it's a day old."

"It'll still help." Sebastian sat on the coffee table across from Kurt, still holding the ice pack. "What happened?"

"Nothing that matters."

"Is it the same thing that happened the last time I saw a bruise on your face?"

"Pretty much." Kurt gave an unconcerned shrug. He wondered where his fight and bite was. If this was going to work with Sebastian, he had to be a dick to him. Except he couldn't muster it up.

"It hadn't been any of those frat boys, right?"

"Nope, they're good guys." Kurt answered and Sebastian had actually seen that for himself too, especially when he'd gone back to talk to them.

"Can I ask you a question I've always wondered about the answer to?" Sebastian asked and Kurt's eyes narrowed, wondering what aspect Sebastian was going to pry into now. "Why didn't you fuck that 'roider?"

Kurt laughed, not expecting it and it had cut down on the strange tension he'd been feeling since he'd text Sebastian and then walked in through the door. "He had a small dick. I knew he wouldn't even begin to be able to do what I need from him."

It was out there now. It hung between them like a sword hanging above their heads.

Sebastian cleared his throat. "I won't do that with you any more."

Kurt wanted to ask him what use he'd be then, what was the point of this then. He held back, because he'd told himself too that it wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't positive about what he wanted, not really. Anything that he thought he knew before going into it had failed miserably. The things he just kind of fell into without much thought ended up being the better choices.

"What will you do, then?" Kurt asked, feeling exposed, which was very ironic because Sebastian had probably seen the most of him any one had ever been privy to.

"I will have sex with you. I will be a booty call, just not at 2 am alone, it'll go both ways and it'll be exclusive." Sebastian had surprised himself with that last demand but he didn't take it back. It was the truth, or at least his truth.

Sebastian's words terrified Kurt. "You want to date me?"

"No. It will be only sex but we won't have sex with anyone else. If we crashed the night at each other's places or have food somewhere at sometime during the day, that's fine." Sebastian had no idea how to date anyone and Kurt was scarred and scared. They were the worst combination ever, but somehow they worked.

"It's not going to last long. You'll get sick of me." Kurt told him, knowing that's what was always bound to happen. Oddly, Sebastian was the only one who hadn't gotten sick of his lip, he'd stuck it through and had actually enjoyed it. He hadn't been phased whatsoever by Kurt's bite, stirred it up, stroked it even.

"If it does, it does." Sebastian shrugged. "In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy your body." He lifted a brow. "And no more telling me to be quiet. I'm going to be as vocal as I want and you can be as well. And you're not just going to get off and leave. I kind of want a snuggle afterward."

In this case it wasn't just an exchange of one boy for another. Sebastian was not a romantic partner. Except Sebastian had been careful, gentle and generous that night and his smooth caress had Kurt quivering with need and want and keening into Sebastian's mouth. He was everything anyone wanted in a lover and then they snuggled, arms wrapped around each other and breathed each other in until they cooled to the point they had to move or catch a cold. They showered together, went another round and took another shower. Then Kurt started to gather up his clothes to go home.

"It's 3 am, you're not going anywhere." Sebastian wrapped an arm around Kurt's waist and tugged him over to the newly made bed. "No more middle of the night travels. You'll be here before sunset in the summer and after the late dinner rush in the winter. You won't leave here until at least 5 am, so you might as well pack a bag rather than go back home first. I don't want to be worrying about whether or not you've been mugged, murdered or maimed."

"You're demanding all of a sudden." Kurt muttered in feigned annoyance, sliding back into the bed with Sebastian and letting Sebastian pull him to his chest. He pillowed his head on Sebastian's shoulder.

"That's because you've finally come to your senses and let me hold all the cards."

"You don't get to control this." Kurt pulled his head away in a near panic and Sebastian guided him back down.

"Of course not. I just mean that you called me up, I get a say in this now." Sebastian pressed his mouth to Kurt's temple and lingered there. "Is there anything you want?"

"To tell Santana and Rachel before they find out for themselves and make my life a living hell." Kurt admitted. "Though I'm not sure what to tell them. They don't know about the late night booty calls or the other guys and they're not exactly cheerleaders in your corner." Though Santana was adamantly against Blaine.

"Why don't we just say we're dating? We'll know it's not true but it'll appease them somewhat. We'll probably have to do other things together on occasion, with them, and have some lunch time meet ups." Sebastian shrugged, so incredibly calm about this and Kurt was having a hard time believing someone hadn't taken over Sebastian's body.

"I guess." Kurt melted into Sebastian's arms and against his firm body. "I'd like to pitch sometimes too."

Sebastian laughed. "I think we can accommodate that." Kurt looked up at him. "Hey, you're the one who wanted to be pounded. I never said I only pitch. We have a whole range of things we can try. I've heard that you're pretty bendy and I have lots of ideas." Kurt made a sound of agreement, wanting to try those ideas too.

No, they weren't dating. Only the rest of the world thought they were. They knew the truth.

A trial run became on going and a few years later, Kurt and Sebastian moved into a condo together. It made no sense to keep two separate residences any more, they were always in each other's bed anyway for the night. It just made financial sense, that's all.

The flowers at birthdays were just part of the show. Everything that someone would sigh over as 'so romantic' were just part of the story they told others. They knew the truth.