Thousand Cliché Death

By Hounds of War

Chapter 4

(Authors Note: Let it be noted that I DID NOT WRITE THE FOLLOWING STORY. It was written by a fanfic writer named Hounds of War. About four or five years ago, there was a comedy writer on who was known as Hounds of War. Now, Hounds of War wasn't well known by everyone, but he was always one of my favorite comedic fanfiction writers, and because I liked his works so much, I printed them off and showed them to my other Final Fantasy VII lovin' friends, who also laughed along.

But after a while, Hounds of War's account was deleted from I guess from inactivity. I loved his stories, and thought others would love them to, and because I missed his stories and the ability of sharing them, I wanted to share them with all the other people who never had a chance to have a good laugh at his stories. Enjoy!)

Everyone falls out of the vortex and into a coliseum

Tifa: Strange, I have a strong urge to kill Aeris, suddenly.

Aeris: Yes, and I also want to do this! (Smacks Tifa with staff) I also want to call you bitch..bitch.

Tifa: Yes, I also have a strange desire to do this. (Kicks Aeris in the stomach, brings up her foot to smack her face, pulls her hair and throws her into the mud)

Aeris: It's okay, you ugly slut. (Rips off Tifa's sweatshirt)

Red XIII: (Under breath) Thank you, god.

Cid: HELL YEAH! I LOVE A #$# CATFIGHT!

Tifa: Shove this up your ass bitch! (Casts Ice1, throws it at Aeris'..uh…flower)

Aeris: OOH! You'll burn in hell you two-cent whore! (Casts Ifrit, burns off the rest of Tifa's clothes)

Red XIII: (Takes out cross, kisses it) You love me, you really really love me.

Meanwhile, back in the FF7 universe

Rufus (standing before a crowd on a podium in Junon): …And that is why I shall proclaim this day to be known as Hojo Day. (Band strikes up 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow')

Hojo: (Jabbing a gun into Rufus' back): That's right, just keep nodding and smiling…

Hojo's lair, where Cloud is directing a construction team

Cloud: Okay, easy does it now, easy…easy (Jackhammer slips) AH! AH! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!

Back at the Coliseum, Tifa and Aeris have burned, scratched, melted, and ripped of any vestige of clothing and are now mud-wrestling. Red XIII is about to explode

Vincent: Guys, we've got a portal to catch. Guys?

Cid: Uhh…

Red XIII: HEE! HEE! HEE!

Vincent: (Fires tranquilizers on everyone, then throws them into the portal): Cretins. It's not like they've never seen hot lesbo mud wrestling action before…

TO BE CONTINUED