Thousand Cliché Death
By Hounds of War
Chapter 5
(Authors Note: Let it be noted that I DID NOT WRITE THE FOLLOWING STORY. It was written by a fanfic writer named Hounds of War. About four or five years ago, there was a comedy writer on who was known as Hounds of War. Now, Hounds of War wasn't well known by everyone, but he was always one of my favorite comedic fanfiction writers, and because I liked his works so much, I printed them off and showed them to my other Final Fantasy VII lovin' friends, who also laughed along.
But after a while, Hounds of War's account was deleted from I guess from inactivity. I loved his stories, and thought others would love them to, and because I missed his stories and the ability of sharing them, I wanted to share them with all the other people who never had a chance to have a good laugh at his stories. Enjoy!)
Everyone falls out of the vortex and into ShinRa Mansion
Vincent: Shinra Mansion? What the hell? (Tries to open the door, finds that it's locked)
Red XIII (sniffing the still unconscious Tifa, giggles like a pervert): Heh heh heh…
Cid: Domi arigato Mr. Roboto.
Mr. Roboto: I'm Killroy! I'm Killroy!
Vincent: Okay, in this sort of situation, the only way to exit is to find out the trigger that makes the story move along, so all we have to do is walk around until—OOF! (Hounds of War falls on Vincent)
Hounds of War: Whew! Luckily something broke my fall. Something like Vincent.
Vincent: Get off.
Hounds of War: Why should-hey! Domi arigato Mr. Roboto!
Mr. Roboto: I'm Killroy! I'm Killroy!
Vincent: Ahem.
Hounds of War: Oh yes, that's right. You're here in Shinra mansion until you can find a portal, or until I can think of something to move this plot along. Be warned, there are fanfic writers loose. (Disappears in a flash of light)
Red XIII: (Head stuck under Tifa's skirt): Heh heh heh!
Vincent: Okay, so the only one's left are Aeris, Barret, and me.
Aeris (pulling up weeds): Pwetty flowers! Pwetty flowers!
Vincent: Uh huh…so it's just Barret and…
Barret (break dancing): Mad skillz foo'! Y'all canst to be touching this yo!
Vincent (sighs): It's just me.
Upstairs where he meets a fanfic writer in a random encounter
Vincent (Uses Scan): Female, can cast yaoi, insomnia, and has Insertion spell that damages all characters. Use lightning attacks to short-circuit computer, use (Get a) Life to inflict major damage. Oh fuck this. (Runs away.)
Fanfic writer: Waitwaitcomebacklikeohmygoshyouaresototallycutewhenyou'rescared!
Downstairs in the basement
Sephiroth: Fool! I told you to stay away! I'm going to meet my mother. (Throws materia at Vincent)
Vincent: Oof! Oh, so you wanna materia fight, eh? (Starts throwing materia at Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: Ack! Quit dammit, that hurts!
Vincent: You should've thought of that before!
Fanfic writer crashes through the ceiling
Fanfic writer: LikeohmygoshitsliketotallyVincentandSephiroththisissocool! (pulls out laptop, and starts typing.)
Vincent: Hey..what're you doing…no, stay back! STAY BACK!
Screams echo and reverberate through the halls
Vincent: (lies on the floor and cries)
Sephiroth (fiercely scrubbing crotch area): CLEAN! MUST GET CLEAN!
Giant portal appears and sucks everyone up
TO BE CONTINUED