Thousand Cliché Death
By Hounds of War
Chapter 7
(Authors Note: Let it be noted that I DID NOT WRITE THE FOLLOWING STORY. It was written by a fanfic writer named Hounds of War. About four or five years ago, there was a comedy writer on who was known as Hounds of War. Now, Hounds of War wasn't well known by everyone, but he was always one of my favorite comedic fanfiction writers, and because I liked his works so much, I printed them off and showed them to my other Final Fantasy VII lovin' friends, who also laughed along.
But after a while, Hounds of War's account was deleted from I guess from inactivity. I loved his stories, and thought others would love them to, and because I missed his stories and the ability of sharing them, I wanted to share them with all the other people who never had a chance to have a good laugh at his stories. Enjoy!)
Everyone falls out of the-oh fucking hell do I really need to insert this? I think by now you would've figured out what goes here. Assholes
Announcer: Ladies and lesbians! Introducing the eight wonder of the world…Jerry Springer!
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry Springer: Thank you, thank you! Today on our show, "Necrophiliac vampires and the illegal minors who love them!'
Audience: Whoo! (Shotgun fired)
Jerry Springer: Let's welcome our first guest, Vincent Valentine.
Vincent: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Hello, Newman.
Vincent: Huh?
Jerry Springer: Nothing. Well now, Vincent. Tell us a little about yourself.
Vincent: Well, I wish to kill you all and steal your souls to pacify my dark hunger, yearning for the light of redemption, but fearing her touch…the touch of my sweet, dead Lucrecia…
Jerry Springer: That's great. Well, let's meet our next guest, Yuffie Kisn…Kasen…ke...Yuffie K.!
Audience: Whoo! (More shotguns fired)
Jerry Springer: We've got a surprise for you, Vincent. You thought you were getting a cake…instead you're getting Yuffie!
Vincent: Damnation, Springer, I want my cake!
Jerry Springer: Wouldn't you rather have…nakedness?
Vincent: No. Cake. Now. You give.
Yuffie: But check it out, I've got breasts now!
Tifa runs onstage, boobs jumping up and down
Tifa: You fucking twat. Gimme back my bra!
Audience: WOOO! (The floor is now covered with spent shells)
Vincent: Can I have some cake now?
Jerry Springer: No.
Vincent: GRR! HULK SMASH! (tries to turn into the Incredible Hulk) Grr! Gr? Why isn't it working? (breaks down and starts to cry)
Jerry Springer: Well, that's all the time we have for today. On our next episode: "Jerry, I make secret love to my hair gel!"
FF7 World
Cloud: Goddammit! (Trying to reach for the remote)
Hojo: Heh. S'matter, blondie? Having a hard time finding the remote?
Cloud: You bastard! You motherfucking bastard!
Hojo: Hey, I don't judge you! (Kicks remote away)
Cloud: I don't know whether to cry or barf at that…
GUESS WHAT GOES HERE. JUST TAKING A FUCKING SHOT IN THE DARK.