-----------------------
South Park
Alcohol is Bad!
(Kenny's POV)
Part 2
"How do you see yourself?"
Well, that depends on what exactly you are looking for in an answer. See, on the outside, to other people, I look like just some poor kid who likes his porn too much and gets excited over the simplest things. I've been called a whore, slut, pervert, prostitute, poor sad sorry fuck. The list goes on really. But see what people don't realize is that I've got a plan, a dream and a drive. I don't plan to be the sorry sad fuck all my life. I do know one thing though, I don't see myself making the same mistakes the other sorry sad bastards in the McKormick line have made. .
Stan's Big Birthday Slash. . I mean Bash
Stan's jaw dropped, "God damn you guys, I thought you forgot."
"Ok, that was my fault. I thought we should wait and keep the suspense up," I said, raising my hand slightly so I would be easier to single out.
"Son of a bitch," Stan said with a faint laugh.
"So, where do you want to go for food," Kyle asked
"Yeah, and none of them places that serve that vegan shit. I hate it," Cartman added in. "Shut up Cartman, this isn't your birthday." Oh, I could almost see the fight breaking out. No more than five minutes together, and Kyle looked ready to kill Cartman. Luckily, Stan interjected. "I want pizza you guys."
"Pizza it is then," I said cheerfully, before anyone had time to start arguing, and started walking towards the Pizza Shack.
Of all the crappy places he could have picked. Oh well, it was close, and cheap, plus the food was edible, and usually came in less than 45 minutes. And did I mention it was cheap? The place was a little run down, which was pretty usual for anyplace that ended up here. The cheap wall paper was peeling off the walls, and there was an unidentifiable odor about the place which reminded me of moldy cheese. Since Shakey's Pizza got closed down, this was the only pizza place in town.
Of course, there is no pleasing some people. "Why the hell did you have to choose this shithole!" Cartman voiced noisily, glaring at Stan from across the table. Stan only shrugged in reply. Despite being his birthday, I noted that he still looked pretty down. "I said no vegan, that doesn't mean I want crap." Cartman added, increasing his volume, as if the whole of South Park hadn't heard him already. I noticed a waitress was coming to our table, but at Cartman's outburst she turned and went back to the back again. I groaned softly and rested my head on my hand, staring at my friends in turn. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
"Cartman, you're gonna chase off anyone who might even venture to come over here is you don't shut your face. . fat ass." Kyle snorted, watching the waitress duck out of sight.
"Ey, Shut up you fuckin' Jew! You may be used to eattin' crap, but I sure as hell am not," Cartman yelled out, slamming his fist on the table. The sound caused me to flinch and dragged me out of me thoughts, which mostly revolved around what the girl was wearing under her skirt, and why there were waitresses at a pizza joint.
"Don't you dare start that shit again Cartman," Kyle snapped back, balling his fists, "I told you not to oppress my people!" Kyle was on his feet, or at least he was until Stan grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled the Jewish boy back down. That move seemed to come just in time, since it was in that moment one of the waitress girls got enough courage to brave the storm and come over.
"Hi boys, what can I get for you this evening?"
"Ah, it's about fuckin' time! I'll have two large meat lover pizzas with Coke."
"We only have Pepsi here sir. ."
"I said I wanna fuckin' Coke!"
"Cartman!"
"Oh yeah, and whatever these hippie losers want too."
"It's a wonder you aren't fat anymore Cartman," Kyle muttered low. "Ey!" "We gonna split you guys?"
"I'm all for that," I said.
"Fine, Stan?"
"Sure, large cheese and Pepsi for me."
"Pepsi for me too," I say.
"Diet Pepsi for me," Kyle added in, giving Cartman a venomous glare, to combat the smirk growing on the other teen's face.
The waitress scratched out the order, "it'll be about 15 minutes, I'll be right back with your drinks," she said and scurried off.
"Don't you even start Cartman, you know damn good and well I can't drink that stuff," Kyle said lowly.
Cartman put on his innocent face, "Why whatevah do you mean Kyle?"
"You guys chill before I kick both your asses," Stan muttered. Down and pissed, not a good combination, all I could hope for now was a boost of spirits when we hit the strip club. Cartman and Kyle were busy being silent and death glaring each other to oblivion.
I'd say the actual silence part lasted maybe a minute tops. I could already tell this was going to be a long 45 minutes until the food came.
Amazingly it only took them 40 minutes to get our food out to us, only 15 minutes for us to eat it all, and 10 minutes for us to get enough money put together to pay for it all. I could have cursed Cartman to an early grave and long trip to hell for as much as his crap cost. On second thought though, that would mean I would have to deal with him in the afterlife, and I frequented there far too often. He'd probably try to take over anyway.
We left, and made our way to the strip club.
"Kenny, you perverted little bastard," I heard Stan mutter from behind me when we arrived at our destination.
"You know it emo hippie," I said back. "Here's the other half of your birthday present from us. Think of it like one big sexy dancing birthday bash, the birthday to end all birthdays. Who knows, maybe you'll finally get laid," I said, then ducked to avoid the rock Stan had hurled at my head. "Or not?"
"'Emo hippie'. I gotta remember that," Cartman sneered
-------------------------
The strip club was alive with dancers and very intoxicated men. We took a table near the front, and immediately ordered a round of Sam Adams. As I had anticipated, the boss was out, and the new guy wasn't checking id's again. Lucky bastard hasn't got caught yet, not that I'm gonna say anything.
Hey, here's something I learned. Cartman can put away the booze, and not even flinch. I've personally seen him chug pro's under the table before. Kyle isn't much of a drinker unless he is with Stan, and even then, he's hard to get drunk. Me, I drink in moderation unless I'm out with Cartman, then we usually get into drinking duels, which embarrassingly enough usually end with me waking up in very strange places. There was one time about six months ago, I woke up in Mrs. Cartman's room. It took me months afterwards to drag it out of Cartman that I hadn't actually slept with his mother. Now Stan, Stan was like his dad, and couldn't get enough of it. He usually became very laid back, and very horny when under. Oh, and it only took a few to send him to happy land. Well, and there goes the third one. I could tell he wasn't really in it to start, but maybe a little alcohol running through his veins would loosen him up a bit.
"Hey Blondie, thought you were off tonight," one of the dancers said to me, leaning over the edge, and flashing me a wonderfully tantalizing open shot of her breasts.
"Birthday party," I answer with a smile, and hold up a $10 "think you got time later to give him a present for me Sweet Thing?"
"You know it," she said, adding some sugar to her already sweet voice, and allowed me to slip the $10 in her g-string, before giving me a quick butterfly kiss across my lips and eyeing Stan. The night was slow, and Stan had to have been one of the hotter guys there. She went over to him almost immediately and straddled him. Whoa, was that hot or what? She was giving him a wonderfully seductive ride, making me wish I was the birthday boy, too bad mine's not for a few months yet. Stan didn't seem as into it as I was though, and Kyle looked almost as wanting as I felt. Damn. Oh well, there was plenty of booze and stripper girls for everyone.
My eyes quickly settled on a sweet little fire dancing at the middle of the stage. She looked new and her breasts looked like a piece of heaven. It was mesmerizing how they moved, too bad she was so far away, otherwise I'd have to call on her for my own self . . . Ah! Cartman! Cartman had moved in my line of sight, and was blocking the view of my fiery angel, as well as interrupting my wonderfully perverted thought train. Damnit!
"Need to ask you somethin'" He said gruffly, and pulled me aside from the rest of the group. We sat across from each other at a table towards the back. I had just caught sight of my particularly foxy red haired girl as she started dancing with only a pink thong on again when Cartman grabbed my chin and diverted my broken attention back to him. "Are you gonna listen to me now or not?"
"Ok, I'm listening." I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as I was forced to focus on Cartman, even though other parts of me were still thinking of other things.
"I want you to do me a favor. One which I'm sure you couldn't refuse. I couldn't help but notice your attentions to both Stan and Kyle lately. So, I am willing to give you a sum of one hundred dollar to go have some adult fun with our little birthday boy tonight." Cartman said, placing his hands together just under his chin, taking on a very professional, business type look.
"Wha. . wait, I'm not a stripper?" I gave Cartman a disgusted look The comment wasn't quite true, I had stripped here before on more than one occasion, and had performed some acts which I prayed Cartman never caught wind of. It was all in good fun, and some extra pocket money. Though honestly, with the suddenness of this, I had to wonder if he knew. I looked back at Stan and Kyle, and noticed Stan was throwing back yet another beer, adding to his collection of bottles on the table. Kyle was still on his second, his eyes transfixed on the cute blonde stripper girl he had been checking out earlier. "I mean, I don't know Cartman. He's a straight, straight arrow, and you know as well as I do I wouldn't mind getting it on with either one." I paused to think about what I was saying and look back at Cartman, who's grin was both widely innocent and deceiving at the same time. "he's drunk."
It was a well known fact amongst most people in South Park that I was perverted and the common rumor was that I would fuck anything with a hole. Nothing was confirmed of course. Cartman was the only person who knew for sure that I would be willing to swing both ways. Either way though, he was very homophobic about it when I ended up coming onto him several months ago. I was drunk! He nearly killed me before finally making me swear never to touch him again, which included a contract signed in blood. Then he forced me to confess that yes, I had been checking him, and several other guys, out like I do with chicks. Again, he nearly killed me. So why the hell was he practically begging me to go all the way with Stan of all people?
"Think about it Kenny. One hundred dollars. Not one girl here would turn that down, and last I checked, you do work here," Cartman said to me, looking me straight in the eyes with his serious I'm-up-to-shit look, and puppy dog eyes. "One hundred dollars to give one guy one simple lap dance. Nothing you haven't done before." He knew, damnit.
"Just once, and that won't change anything? I just gotta make it look good?"
"That's all. Simple, neh?"
I stood up, loosening the zipper of my hoodie, and turned to go work some magic. Who would have thought I would be working it on one of my better friends? "Oh, and one more thing, Kenny. Make sure to smile for the camera."
Camera?
---
-----
Tell meh whatcha all think, I love reviews ). Part 3 will be up soon. Hope you enjoyed so far. Should be getting into some of slashy pairing soon