I don't own Supernatural or Sam & Dean. I would love to own them, but there you go!
No Greater Love
This is my story and I hope that you will stick around long enough to listen to it because it is worth it. This is a story about love, but don't tune out yet, because this isn't about hearts & flowers love or the sort of romantic, silly love that only lasts a few months or maybe a year if you are lucky. This story is about a love so great that it lasts a lifetime, a love so great that it transcends beyond death itself. What person wouldn't want to know about a love like that? I was there to experience it and now I want you to share the experience.
I moved to California because I thought it might be fun! The place I originally came from was very small town America, I'm sure you know the drill, one diner, one motel, one horse town! It was fairly quiet there and nothing much happened, hell if it rained it made for front page news. I was a good student and a good daughter, but I wasn't a particularly patient person and soon I decided that I should 'spread my wings and fly' so I got a job as a secretary (ok not the most exciting of jobs but it paid well) at Stanford University. I liked my job; I worked regular hours, got to meet some really nice looking guys and got to live somewhere that had more than one shoe shop. It wasn't heaven, but to me it was pretty close.
I rented a small flat and brought a small dog (who I called dog – because I never said I had much imagination at this point) and I was happy. Every day I would work at the University then come home and take dog for his nightly walk. We would walk across the common and through the small copse of trees that someone jokingly called a wood. Dog liked the wood; he liked the smell, the scents and the trees. I liked the wood too and very often I would sit on the one solitary bench and watch dog looking for squirrels and rats. It was on one such day that I first saw the carving in the tree.
'Sam & Dean – Forever'
That is all it said, but it fasenated me and I would look at it everyday, making up scenarios in my head. Maybe Samantha & Dean were married by now and living in Miami bringing up a brood of kids or perhaps Samuel & Deana were star crossed lovers separated by an angry family like Romeo & Juliet. Night by night my stories got more and more ridicules but it kept me amused and I really did wonder who Sam & Dean were and where they were now.
Winter came and I still walked through the woods even though it was growing colder and dusk was falling. This meant I didn't sit on my bench much (it had become my bench now – part of my familiar routine) but one night, as I walked quickly through the trees calling to dog to get a move on, I saw someone else sitting on my bench and it gave me quite a start! It was a young man, maybe in his late twenties, muffled up against the cold in a dark blue denim jacket, thick brown hoodie and worn blue jeans. His hair was long and brown, touching the collar of his jacket and his high boned face was pale and thin but his eyes as he looked up were beautiful, deep and fathomless and very, very sad. Dog, having no worries, ran straight up to him, tongue out, tail wagging, the man laughed and bent down, tickling dog's ears causing him to roll on his back and pant loudly
"Nice dog" the man's voice was soft and gentle
"Yeah, he likes people" I felt my face flush a little under the man's intense gaze. He really was beautiful and his strange air of sadness only added to that beauty
"I always wanted a dog" the man mused "Never really got around to it" he shook his head "Sorry – my names Sam – Sam Winchester"
"Annie" I held out my hand and he gripped it tightly in his "Nice to meet you Sam – maybe we'll see you again"
"Do you come this way often?" he smiled as he said that and my heart leapt, not that I thought anyone so beautiful would be interested in a plump secretary from a one horse town with only a small dog to offer him
"Every night" I hoped it didn't come out too eager as I pulled dog off him and fastened his lead "See you again Sam"
"Yeah – see you Annie"
It was only as I left the wood and headed for home that I realised his name was the same as the one on my tree (I take ownership of things you see) and I began to wonder – was he the Sam or was it just a weird and wonderful coincidence.
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For the next few nights I did things that I wouldn't normally do just to take dog for a walk, I brushed and styled my hair, wore my best coat, put on make-up and, generally drove dog mad with impatience whilst I tried my hardest to look presentable. However it was a week before I saw Sam again and I was virtually red with excitement when I saw his familiar figure on my bench. He lifted his hand in a greeting when he saw me and gestured that I sit beside him. Heart pounding I perched on the edge of the bench whilst he made a fuss of dog who, of course, charmed him.
"Getting colder" it was a lame thing to say but all I could think of and Sam smiled, his cheeks dimpling making him look even more damn beautiful and almost ethereal in the moonlight
"Yeah – I hate winter" he shuddered "Nights are too dark, days too short"
"What do you do Sam?" I wanted to find out more suddenly
"I'm a student" he grinned "Yeah I know – a bit of a mature student – at Stanford"
"I work there" my voice was a little high and too keen "In the school office"
"Yeah – hey maybe we can have coffee one day" he smiled "If you'd like?"
"Name the day" I laughed and hoped I didn't sound pathetically eager "They don't have any objections with me seeing a student!"
"Friday then" Sam took my hand "I'd like that Annie – you can tell me a bit more about dog here"
"Sam" I was bursting to know and couldn't wait "That carving over there – the one on the tree – it's the same name – Sam & Dean Forever – is that you? Are you the Sam?" as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them, a shutter seemed to close and Sam's eyes flashed, his dimples disappearing, a strange sadness descending across his face "Yeah, that's me" he said, but that was all he said and I was left wondering.
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Its funny how these things start isn't it? I knew I was hardly the best looking girl in the world and there was certainly nothing special about me but somehow Sam Winchester seemed to like me and I couldn't really understand why.
We met for coffee on the Friday and I told him about myself, about my home in small town America, about my family who only wanted what was best for me, about dog and my tiny apartment. It seemed boring to me, but he appeared interesting, full of questions. I had to confess that my life was pretty like me really, dull, ordinary and very, very normal. Sam liked normal, he liked my apartment, he liked dog, he liked hearing about my family. We began to meet regularly at coffee breaks and after a few weeks he must have known my life history whilst I knew so little about him that I could write in on one page of paper. He was a student, last year of Law school, wanted to be a lawyer, didn't have any family – they were all dead (and that's all he told me – no explanation). He wasn't married (well that's what he said and I had to believe him) and he drove a battered, old Chevy Impala which had seen better days but he refused to give up however tempted he was. After that second night, he never said anything about the carving either and I knew not to ask. All I did know is that I was falling for Sam Winchester, falling hard and we hadn't even exchanged a chaste kiss let alone anything else. Finally, just before Halloween, he asked me on a 'proper' (well in my eyes) date. We were going to meet at one of the cities finest restaurants for dinner and he was buying. I spent my entire lunch hour shopping and the rest of the afternoon worrying, then I grabbed dog and took him for a very fast walk, wanting to get home in time to make myself very beautiful.
I was virtually dragging dog through the woods when I noticed that someone was sitting on 'our' bench (it was mine and Sam's now you see). It was dark and I felt a sudden thrill of panic against my spine, dog growled deep in his throat and I picked him up, wanting to turn back and run.
"Its ok" the voice was gravely, rough as if unused for a long time "I won't bite if he doesn't"
The man was in his mid twenties maybe, thick set, wearing a brown leather jacket and a white tee. His hair was short and spiky and his face was very white. His eyes were a deep green colour and guarded but he was smiling and, somehow, I didn't feel threatened by him, even though dog was growling and trembling in my arms
"I don't know what's got into him" I kept my distance "He is usually so friendly"
"Yeah" the man laughed, wryly "I can see that"
"Are you ok?" I asked, the man's face was so pale it was virtually transparent and his green eyes glowed "You look…"
"I'm fine – just a little lost that's all" he frowned "Just lost"
I stared at him for a moment and started to move forward, he shook his head and raised a hand and I stopped dead, because his hand was covered in blood. I knew that I should do something, maybe call 911, but dog was whimpering and the evening was growing so cold that Goosebumps bit my flesh and made my whole body shiver.
I backed away for a moment and bent to reassure dog and when I raised my head again, the young man had gone…….
I have never moved so fast in my life. I bolted through the woods and back to my apartment in double quick time, heart pounding, skin crawling, in one split second my life went from normal to weird and it took me half an hour and several cups of coffee to stop shaking, then I remembered Sam and our date and I knew I couldn't be late for that.
He was waiting for me at the restaurant and he smiled as I came into view. He looked smart and eager, his long hair brushed and shining, his usual jeans and hoodie changed for a smart shirt and brown cords. I took his outstretched hand and clung to it, my experience in the woods still sharp in my mind, I knew I would have to tell him at some point, but I didn't want to ruin this evening with my wild and, frankly even to me, unbelievable story.
We talked about safe things as we ate, my job, Christmas, Sam's upcoming exam. He seemed happier tonight, his voice gentle and soft, his hand touching mine. I wanted so much to preserve the mood, but my thoughts kept snagging and returning to the pale face of the man in the wood and Sam could see my anguish, finally he laid a large hand over my trembling one
"What is it Annie? I can tell there's something wrong"
"Sam – do you believe – I mean have you ever seen – I .. Do you believe in ghosts?" There I had said it and I waited for him to laugh, to dismiss it, to rub my hand with his and make reassuring noises
"What?" his eyes flickered for a moment "Why do you ask?"
"I think I saw one – tonight" I said, miserably, not wanting to see the pain I seemed to have put in his eyes "In the wood"
"Annie? What makes you think you saw a ghost?"
"There was a man – on our bench – he was so pale – he. he had blood on his hands"
"Did he say something? Try to hurt you in any way?" Sam was being too understanding, too rational
"He made a quip about dog not biting him and he said he was lost" I looked at Sam and I could see his mind working, a frown appearing, his eyes narrowing "I looked down at dog and when I looked up again – he'd vanished – vanished Sam – into thin air"
"What did he look like?" Sam clutched at my hand, his strong fingers beginning to hurt
"About your age I guess, handsome in a sort of dangerous way" I frowned, trying to remember "he was wearing a leather jacket and he had spiky hair and very green eyes" as I finished my sentence I looked up at Sam and saw, to my horror, that there were tears on his face, big, unstoppable tears that seemed to flow and flow without warning
"We have to go" Sam got up and threw some money on the table "Annie we have to go"
"Sam – Sam, what's wrong? Sam – please – talk to me"
"Later" he brushed his hand across his face rubbing away tears as fresh ones fell "At your apartment" and with that he dragged me out of the restaurant and we made the silent drive home.
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"Dean was my older brother" I didn't know what had started Sam talking but once he began he was unable to stop. After weeks of nothing, I suddenly knew everything and it turned my ordinary, normal life on its head "He looked out for me, cared for me, was everything to me, brother, mother, friend. My mother died on my nursery ceiling when I was 6 months old and my father vowed revenge on her killer. We were brought up as hunters, Annie, we didn't really have a childhood, but Dean tried for me, he used to remember my birthday, Christmas – he was always there. Dad trained us to hunt – hunt things that you probably wouldn't believe existed, dark things, supernatural things and all the time, looking for the damn demon that killed mom" he drew a halting breath and more tears came. I could only sit and hold him, letting them flow "I hated it Annie, I just wanted to be normal – so I came here – to study – I was younger then, I thought I could have normal, but I was wrong, so very wrong. My girlfriend, she died, died the same way as mom and then I was back with Dean again – back hunting – back to a life I hated" he paused and I tightened my grip around him, pulling him deeper into my arms. I could see by his eyes that he was not sure if I believed him and I tried to reassure him, smoothing his hair and gently murmuring words of encouragement. "We hunted and we searched for the demon – we found it once and it damn near killed us – but once we were up and moving again – the hunt went on" he took a shuddering breath and I realised he was crying again "Then we finally hunted it down and killed it and it was over – for me anyhow. I couldn't do it anymore, so I ended it – I left Dean and came back here to finish my studies…I still wanted to be with my brother – wanted us to be a family – hell I even bought a big enough apartment for us to live in together. Fuck was he stubborn – he wouldn't come here – didn't want normal – just carried on hunting and…and "he broke off, sobbing now, coming apart in my hands
"Please Sam" I was pleading now "Please"
"They phoned me from the hospital – they told me that they had found him in a wood somewhere, bleeding from the gut and dying. They told me he probably wouldn't last the night but he was asking for me – I drove as fast as I could Annie, I really did, but I was too late – he was gone and I never got to say all the things I should have said to him when he was alive. We were both so stubborn, so wrapped up in Winchester pride and Winchester angst. He thought I'd left him and that I didn't love him but I did – oh god Annie – I loved him and I didn't think I would be able to go on without him" he shook his head "I loved him and he never knew" Sam slumped in my arms and I held him still, stroking his hair and whispering words of comfort, my head full of what he had told me. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell my parents I loved them, I wanted to call my little sister and apologise for every little niggle, every little bad thing I had ever said to her, I wanted to weep and shout and scream at forces I never realised existed but all I did was nurse the sobbing man in my arms and wait for morning.
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It's funny how life changes, how one minute you can be one person and the next you are suddenly another. I woke up on 31st October as a different person and I knew that I would never be the same again.
Sam was calmer now and almost back to normal. Talking it seemed had healed something but it hadn't solved it, hadn't solved the mystery of the ghost in the woods, the ghost of Sam's elder brother who was lost. I did my normal morning things, fed dog, had a shower, made oatmeal but I didn't get ready for work and neither did Sam. I rang in sick and they were very understanding, Sam called his lecturer who made murmurs of sympathy, then we sat and waited although what we were waiting for it was hard to say.
"I carved them" Sam said, out of the blue really, but at least it was one question answered "The names in the tree. I did it when I came to Stanford the first time. Dean came up to see me, dad didn't know, we hung out together – like normal people and we got a little drunk. I told him then that it didn't matter that I was here and not there and that we would always be brothers – then we went up to the woods and carved our names in the trunk" he laughed, weakly "He thought it was lame, but we always laughed about it – even talked about coming back here – to find it again"
"That's what you were doing – the first time I saw you" I smiled "Looking for the tree"
"Yeah – I guess" he sighed for a moment and shook his head
"He's come back to find you" I said "He knew you'd be here – I don't know much about these sorts of things – you appear to be the expert but unfinished business, isn't that what keeps spirits tied to earth?"
"But I salted and burnt his bones – that should have given him peace"
"You still have things of his though?"
"The car" so that explained the beloved impala "And his pendent – yeah – oh god Annie, I have to go there and find him, I have to see him again"
"Then we'll go" I gripped his hand, suddenly more scared than I had ever been in my life "Tonight"
It was dark and cold beneath the trees and, despite the torch that lit out way, I felt enveloped by the blackness. I saw the bench up ahead and, although I dreaded it, I prayed to anyone who might be listening that Sam's brother would be here. I glanced up at the man beside me; he looked almost a ghost himself, so pale and so insubstantial, a shade. I felt myself grow cold and, sure enough, the young man was on the bench, he sat slumped, his legs out in front of him, his eyes searching. I swallowed hard and heard Sam's voice gasp out.
"Dean!"
The man on the bench turned and I saw his white face and green eyes, then he stood up, hands out in front of him, his eyes fixed on Sam, a smile curving on his lips and I saw that he was beautiful too, beautiful like Sam.
"Sam!"
They didn't touch, they couldn't, but I could feel the bond, feel the love so strongly that it made my heart and throat ache and I could barely see for the tears.
"Sam, where have you been man?" Dean's voice was faint but gentle "I've been looking for you"
"I'm right here Dean" Sam shook his head "I tried to get to you Dean – I'm so sorry – I was too late"
"Something happened?" the elder brother looked confused "I had an accident – I remember the hospital – you never came"
"I know Dean – I'm sorry"
"But you're here now Sammy – you won't ever leave me again?"
"No Dean – its you that has to go now" Sam's hands reached out and I could see he was aching to touch his brother one last time "You shouldn't be here Dean – you have to go"
"I don't want to leave you" Dean was frowning and sudden comprehension dawned on his pale face "Shit Sammy – I'm…"
"Yeah – years ago man" Sam was smiling now, a genuine wide smile that shone through the tears on his cheeks "You have to go Dean – please – I love you and I always have and I always will"
"I love you too Sammy – I'm sorry I was a bitter son of a bitch – I didn't mean it when I called you selfish – I should come with you that day you asked – but hey – you know me"
"Jerk"
"Bitch" Dean's face was wet with tears, but I could see that it was growing paler, more insubstantial, Sam saw it too and he smiled again, his hand raised
"I'll see you again Dean – be sure of it – but when its time ok" he gestured to the carving, still visible in the dim light "I meant what I said – I love you Dean" but there was silence and Dean was gone.
I stood for a moment, cold to the bone and changed in a way I had never thought possible. My life, as it was, seemed shallow and wasted and I wanted to run back home and see my family, to apologise for being such an idiot, to embrace them and the life they had, to love them. Sam was still and, despite the tears on his cheeks, I could see he was happier, at peace with his brother and himself. I didn't quite know what had occurred or how I had somehow become a part of it all, but I didn't care, I had been here and that was enough.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000So that is my story and I hope it hasn't bored you and I hope you might stick around to see how it really ends.
Our lives went on, because they had to, Sam moved out of his apartment and into mine, it was a squeeze, what with him and dog, but it was nice and warm and sweet and we took it very slowly. I love him you see and I know he cares for me. We have a shared history now and that's a good thing. My friends at work tell me they've heard rumours he's looking at rings and they are envious that someone like me might snag a tall, dark handsome fledgling lawyer with his own classic car. I don't blame them for wondering what Sam sees in me, sometimes I don't know myself, but I guess it's because I am so normal. I don't talk about love to them, because they wouldn't understand, they haven't seen the kind of love I'm talking about, the love I've told you about in this story of mine, one that will transcend death, a love so strong it binds one soul to another for all time. I may never have that love for myself but I've seen it and that is enough for me. I hope one day you might see it too.