:Chapter 19:
"…but that's all I remember before hearing you in my head, and then waking up here" Susannah concluded.
"So…it wasn't…" I mumbled.
"Nope" she interrupted.
"But, he just seemed like the logical choice. I mean how could I not think it was him?" I said.
"I know, but I'm telling she went completely psycho on me, and then I heard you, and that was it" Susannah recounted.
"Paul must have been in on it" I murmured.
"I think he was. Right before she went psycho he said some weird word, and then she went nuts. It was like 'gamvadgooloo" she informed me. But suddenly I couldn't think, all I could do was kiss Susannah. It was like someone was controlling me, telling me exactly what to do. At first I was kissing her gently, but then I was straddling her on the mattress and kissing down her neck, trying desperately to remove her hospital gown.
"Jesse" Susannah squeaked, "Jesse, stop it." But I couldn't. My mind was racing, and I was beginning to fear what might happen if I didn't figure out how to control myself again.
"Querida, we have a problem" I hurriedly said.
"Yeah, we do, you won't quit it. Jesse, my stepbrothers are coming to visit me today, if they catch us like this they will kill you. Plus, this isn't working for me. I'm in pain, still" Susannah replied.
"No, Susannah that's not the problem. It's worst than that" I warned.
"If you say we don't have a condom, I'll kill you right here, right now" she huffed.
"I can't control myself" I snapped.
"Well, pull it together, and get the hell off of me" she hissed.
"No, querida, I literally can't control myself. My body is acting of it's own accord."
"Seriously?" she asked cautiously.
"Susannah, I would never force myself on you, especially not under these circumstances" I answered.
She gasped, "the word, that's what it does. It controls people" she blurted.
"Gamvadgooloo." And suddenly I fell on top of Susannah.
"Owh!" she exclaimed
"Querida, I'm so sorry. Are you alright? Should I call the nurse?" I rambled, carefully climbing off of Susannah and her small hospital bed.
"No, I'll survive, besides what would I tell her, you tried to 'force yourself on me'?" she questioned sarcastically. "And despite the sexual harassment, I want you here with me. Plus, you're the only one who visits me" she said pouting.
"Susannah, you've only been here a day, and besides I'm not visiting you, I'm practically living in here with you" I teased.
"Well, it feels like a lot longer. I'm bored. I mean, the TV only gets basic cable, and I can't sleep anymore, plus you won't talk to me about anything interesting. All you do is ask me how I'm feeling, or if you can get something for me, which don't get me wrong, it's sweet, but after hearing for the millionth time in like 3 hours, gets a little annoying. When you finally asked me what happened I was actually ecstatic to be telling you about it" she explained.
"I'm sorry querida, I'm just trying to make sure you're well taken care of" I mumbled, holding her hand.
"No you're not. You blame yourself for what happened, don't you?" she asked.
I looked down, unable to look into her entrancing emerald eyes, and murmured "No."
"Jesse" she sighed, " it isn't your fault."
"But it is my fault Susannah…it's all my fault" I squeaked.
"No, it isn't. Jesse you aren't my designated protector. You had no control over what happened. And even if you would have been there, do you really think Paul wouldn't have had Mrs. de Silva go after you first. If something would have happened to you, just so Paul could get to me, I would never forgive myself for putting you in the middle of all this, and furthermore-"
"Susannah, I am already in the middle of this. You didn't bring me into this; I brought you into it. If you had never met me, or even come to Carmel, you wouldn't have to deal with all this" I interrupted.
"But then I would feel empty inside, only for my whole life, instead of just until I met you. Jesse, your head may be able to forget love, but your heart remembers. I would know, deep down that whoever I was with, wasn't my true love, and so would you. It wouldn't be fair to the other people, or to the both of us," she added.
"Querida" I cooed, and gently kissed her forehead, smiling brightly at her words.
"Besides, you couldn't not make me come to Carmel. It was fate that brought my mom and Andy together, just like us."
"I know, I just can't help thinking that if Paul really wanted us to be apart so badly, why didn't he just make sure you never came to Carmel?" I asked.
"Because he couldn't just stop my dad from dying when I was little. It's not like he could prevent the heart attack my dad had on his run that Sunday. Paul may be powerful, but no one can alter history that much. Besides it would have a huge ripple effect if he did. I mean think about it. My mom would never marry Andy and move us here. I'd never meet you or Paul, or anyone else from here. Oh my gosh, that's it! That's why he didn't change it. Jesse, Paul didn't mess with anything that happened before I came to Carmel because if he had then I would never meet him either" she rambled.
"But, then why didn't he just keep me as a ghost and exorcise me?" I questioned.
"Because he thought that if I met him first he could kiss me, and then I'd never even realize that I was supposed to be with you," she exclaimed.
"Susannah, what if Mrs. de Silva was working with Paul this whole time? Maybe that's why Paul told her to attack you, because she told him that we'd made love, and that he couldn't get you back no matter what now" I said.
"It's makes sense of why Paul would have her attack me, but it doesn't explain why she helped us at first. I mean why would she give us advice on how to beat Paul, if she was working with him all along?" Susannah asked.
"Maybe he didn't control her until just before the attack" I offered.
"It was just after I left your cousin's apartment actually" said Mrs. de Silva, shimmering onto Susannah's bed. She sat next to mi querida, gazing at her face. "I really am sorry about what happened. But that Paul is a dumb ass, and he actually told me what he was planning. Yeah, right before he shifted me to Shadowland, which was stupid on his part. I mean really, I may have the abilities of a ghost, but I am a spiritual form, not a freaking ghost. Only a complete idiot wouldn't be able to tell the difference" she scoffed.
"So you didn't try to whack me of your own accord?" Susannah asked, raising her left eyebrow quizzically.
"No, like I told you the first time I met you, I need to make sure you stay alive and well so that you two can get rid of Paul. And Father D. just informed me earlier that if you two beat Paul in this universe, not only will get rid of him permanently here, but you'll get him out of my universe too" she said happily.
"So, after this is all over, what's gonna happen? Are we just going to coexist, but in separate universes? Or what?" Susannah questioned.
"Well, that's where things get complicated. I'm not supposed to tell you what happens until after you get rid of Paul, cause if I do it revokes the pass I got to help you two out here, in this universe" Mrs. de Silva explained.
"You needed a pass to come help us?" I asked.
"Yeah some special inter-universal traveling pass. Jesse got it for me, how I don't know, but I'm assuming it wasn't easy to get" she answered.
"So have you told him about the baby yet?"
I heard it, but I couldn't tell which Susannah had said it, and before I could ask I thought about how I would react if mi querida were pregnant. That's when I passed out.