Moving on

Disclaimer: Supernatural doesn't belong to me, nor do Dean, Sam, or the other characters you recognise. I am making no money so please don't come looking for me.
Warning: some violence as the story progresses

Spoilers - post-end of Series 1 Devil's Trap so some passing mention of events in Season episodes such as Faith, Home, Devil's Trap etc.

Author's Note: Depending which episode I have watched most recently, my feelings about John Winchester vary. If you are a fan of JW - don't read and flame - this story for reasons best known to itself was not kind to him - if that is going to upset you, please don't read on.

Author's Note (2): I would imagine this story to be AU - JW is, I hope for all of our sakes, OOC and from that the boys reactions should also be somewhat so. Having said that, I would hope that in the light of something bad, the boys would stick together and offer what support they can to each other.

Author's Note (3): Remember Rae Artemis for her beta skills - you never know what you might get otherwise.

Chapter 3 - Recriminations

"Evening Bobby." I looked at Sam in disbelief. "I'm sorry about the noise earlier. You know what Dean's like when he goes off on one."

I really couldn't believe what he was saying and my frustration with him spilt over. "You really have no idea, do you? Have you looked at your brother lately? Listened to him? Do you pay any attention to what goes on around you at all, Sam? You are selfish beyond belief."

"Look Bobby. Like I said, I'm sorry we set to, but you know, Dean started that argument, I finished it, I walked away."

"Yes, Dean and I noticed you walked away."

"What's that supposed to mean? Has he been complaining about me?"

"Sam you might have just accused your brother of being a selfish son-of-a-bitch but in my opinion that is a description that fits you better right now."

He looks horrified. "What do you mean?"

"Did you hear what he said to you as you left?"

He nodded. "He said don't go."

"But you did."

"There was no point continuing the argument."

"No, I agree there wasn't."

He seemed baffled. "So? What's the problem?"

"You left him."

"No point arguing, we just said that."

"You couldn't have stayed and not argued?"

'No point. He wasn't listening."

I try to rein my temper in. "Dean? Not listening? That's where you're wrong, Sam. He was listening to everything you said to him. The one not listening was you. The one being selfish was you. The one who said to Dean he had to be better now or his time was up was you. The only things he asked were that you listen, you don't force him to do things he's not ready for and that you don't walk away. You did them all, Sam. Does the phrase 'They don't need you, not the way that you need them'sound familiar to you at all?"

"The demon said it to Dean, that night in the cabin. It's one of the things that upset him so much in the hospital."

My turn to nod at him now. "Uh-huh. And what about 'I can get myself a life. It's time you did. You're too old to need a babysitter.' What about that? Do you recognise that at all?"

He looked confused. "No, should I?"

"That's what you said to him right before you left."

"Fuck!" His eyes closed. "It's kind of like what the demon said. I didn't mean it. I was just pissed at him."

"Not kind of! In your brother's eyes you may as well have used the demon's words, even worse, you got in your car and you drove away! You ignored him when he asked you to stay. You said you stopped arguing: You didn't. He did! He backed down first. I could see how upset he was and you just carried on pushing further and then you left him. We've spent an hour in the bathroom, while you've been gone. An hour fighting the panic like he did in the hospital and an hour vomiting and retching again. He doesn't need this Sam. You've got to take responsibility for your actions, not just leave it to him. You need to grow up and stop relying on him to be the better man because he's got more than enough on his hands right now. You've got to stop making demands of him and just accept him for who he is and what he can do and be right now. He isn't ready to be the Dean you've known your whole life yet, or at least, not all the time. Sam, you can do better by him. I expect you to do better if you want to stay here."

He looked horrified, mind you, I felt the same by what I had just threatened him with. "What do you mean?"

"Right now, what do I mean? I mean your brother is going to be my priority now. I will not allow you to behave like your father in my house, but most of all I will not allow it in front of him. If I have to throw you out to protect him I will. This time someone is going to put Dean first and look out for him and that hasn't happened since your mother died."

"I am sorry, Bobby. I didn't think of it like that. I just want him to pull himself together. He seems to make progress and then fall back again. I just thought he should be... I don't know... I mean there was no call for him to be so rude to Missouri."

"Really? You tell me what he was feeling about your suggestion. In fact tell me how he is feeling about his day in general."

"What do you mean?"

"Imagine you were him. What has today been like? Do you even know what he's done today?"

Sam's reply sounded defensive. "I dunno, I guess he hung 'round the house, cleaned the kitchen. Did he cook? I dunno, did he come over and spend some time with you?"

"Did you ask him?"

"No. I normally find out when we eat and we didn't get that far tonight. I guess I came in and told him I needed to talk to Missouri and then everything blew up from there. So you tell me, what has he done?" Sam makes the solution sound so simple.

"You see, Sam, that is part of the problem, isn't it? I tell you, I ask him in front of you so that you find out. You should be asking him these things. Did you know on top of all his usual stuff round the house, he went for a run today?"

"Well, I don't see the problem with that. It's good isn't it?"

"Yeah, overall, I suppose it is, but not without some reservations. He's pushing himself, Sam. As much as he can, he's trying. It's something he chose to do, something he did alone; he did all the usual stuff round the house, helped me for an hour, then asked if I needed him. Do you see the change there? He didn't ask me if he could do something, he checked if I was alright because he had something else he wanted to do. It didn't matter what because he wasn't asking if it was the right thing, wasn't asking me to go with him or for my approval."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah."

"How long did he run for?"

"Not quite an hour. Well that's how long he was gone. He certainly got back tired enough but I think he'd pushed himself even more in terms of how long he'd been away but I don't know whether that was deliberate or whether it was that he got tired and it took him longer to get back. He's got a lot to recover from physically and I'm not sure the doctors would approve of him running yet but..."

"You think I was wrong to have tried to make him talk to Missouri today."

"Yes, I think it's wrong to make him talk to Missouri unless it's what he wants to do."

"Why? She can help. She can tell me what's going on inside his mind. She can tell me what to do." For someone so intelligent, Sam has always favoured the simplest of solutions to the problems in his life.

"There's no other way to do that."

"No."

"Wasted college education." I turned away, disappointed in his inability to see.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why not ask him? You ever think of trying that?"

"We've never been that good at talking about stuff."

"You were doing it when he was in hospital."

"It's not that easy." It still amazed me how petulant Sam is capable of sounding at twenty-four. Some things haven't changed since he was six.

"It's not supposed to be easy, but you're supposed to be willing to try. You're not supposed to resort to cheap tricks and quick fixes. Dean deserves better that that."

"Maybe."

"You owe it to both of you to at least try, Sammy."

"Maybe I should go through to see him now. Try and apologise."

"Take him something to eat."

"What did he make?"

"It's in the oven, but he'll probably be better off with something plain."

"Yeah, I'll make him a sandwich."