Chapter 22: A Decision to Make

"Uno!"

"There's no way!"

"You just had like five cards. How do you now have uno?"

"I got rid of them."

"How?" Shelby demands, glaring at her father.

The man gives a deep, booming laugh. "I put them down."

"Where?" Her mother questions. "Where did you put them down?"

Rachel giggles, still holding her own three cards. Shelby's heart briefly lifts with that sound.

"Certainly not on the pile where they're supposed to be."

Her father laughs again, but doesn't respond. Shelby looks around. They're sitting on the floor around the coffee table. She grins knowingly. "He's sitting on them."

"No, I'm not!"

"Then stand up and prove it!"

With an irritated sigh, he rises and reveals four cards on the floor. "Oops."

"And you're surprised all of your kids are sore losers?" Rachel grins at her grandfather. "They grew up with you cheating in games, didn't they?"

"It builds character." He shrugs innocently.

"Just for that…." Shelby's mother places down a Wild Draw 4 card. "Red."

They women laugh while the lone man's face falls with mock despair.

"You show 'em, Nana." Rachel cheers.

"From my own granddaughter?" He grudgingly takes his four cards.

"Oh, get over it." Shelby says smirking again.

Rachel places down a Reverse card. "Here, Grandpa. Take your revenge."

The adults laugh and Christopher happily places down a Draw 2. However, he clearly wasn't expecting his wife to also place down a Draw 2. Shelby frowns and looks at her hand. Delight spreads through her when she realizes she has her own Draw 2 and places it down. Her daughter stares down at the three Draw 2 cards before her. Rachel is going to have to draw 6 cards. The teen stares at the pile morosely while the adults chuckle at her expense.

"That…..did not work out as intended." Rachel mumbles. Then she gets a look in her eye that makes Shelby sit up a little straighter. "However, I have always believed in having a back up plan."

She smirks as she places down her own Draw 2. Shelby throws her head back and laughs at the mock outrage on her father's face. The man takes his eight cards while grumbling about young people not respecting their elders. The game continues for a few more minutes. It is interrupted when Rachel drops her cards. Shelby instantly tenses. In the span of two seconds, several options of what could be wrong flash through her mind. Exhaustion, attack, dizziness…then her daughter's hands fly to her chest and her face pales dramatically. Attack.

Shelby's father is already shoving the coffee table out of the way as she reaches for her daughter. Rachel normally leans forward, curling up during attacks. However, at this point in her illness, she is too weak to stay sitting up once the pain strikes. She falls sideways. Shelby catches her daughter before she hits the ground, pulling her against her chest.

"Breathe, baby girl. Just hold on."

Rachel gasps and wheezes, struggling to get in air. Shelby's mother kneels next to them and places the oxygen mask on her. Rachel's hands grip Shelby's arms. Her feet slide on the floor as the pain makes her thrash weakly. Shelby presses her face against Rachel's, trying to keep her head still and offer comfort at the same time. Tears roll down her daughter's cheeks. The tears, the flailing, and the whimpers all cause Shelby's stomach to roll and her heart to clench.

"You'll be okay, honey. Just breathe."

Her father's eyes meet hers as he takes hold of Rachel's feet. Her attention is pulled back to her daughter when she tenses, her entire body going nearly rigid, and she makes a raspy cry of absolute pain. And then she slumps.

"Rachel?"

She's unconscious. She has never passed out during or immediately after a moderate attack before. The little hairs on Shelby's neck stand up. Something is off. She moves her hand, pressing down lightly on Rachel's torso. It doesn't move. Her mind in hyperdrive, Shelby quickly lays her daughter down flat on her back and tears the oxygen mask off. Her parents figure out what's going on as soon as Shelby tilts Rachel's head back and pinches her nose. She presses her mouth over Rachel's and forces air into her unresponsive lungs. She sucks in another lungful and gives her daughter another breath.

Before she can give a third, her father's hand on her shoulder stops her. He's checking Rachel's breathing. For just a second, though it feels much longer, they wait. Nothing. He releases Shelby's shoulder and she breathes for her daughter again. Rachel gasps. Shelby's mother quickly replaces the oxygen mask. After a tense minute of watching and listening, it is clear that Rachel is breathing on her own. Shelby pulls her child into her arms and rocks her, now struggling with her own breathing. Her parents have their hands on both of them, offering what little comfort they can.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There was a change after that. Dr. Reed said there was a chance that it was a one time thing. Only her next attack would tell them for sure. The one thing for certain was that just like the double attack that stopped her heart, Rachel was clearly weakened by this attack. At first, it just seemed like she was taking a long time to recover from it. Kurt and Finn went with her to treatment that night, hours after the attack. She couldn't move on her own. She barely spoke and when she did it was quiet and brief. She slept through most of her treatment, her head resting on Finn's chest as he held her.

But the next day, she still couldn't stand without help. She still slept a lot. She had a mild attack and fainted. She spoke very little. Shelby held her and sang softly to her. Her grandparents swapped out with aunts and uncles. By Friday, two days after the attack, she was talking more and seemed to have more energy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her friends spent Saturday with her. They played cards and talked. When Rachel had a mild attack, it lasted longer than ever before. Mike held her through it. He jokingly threatened to start singing off key if it didn't end soon. She'd been amused, but before she could respond she fainted. She woke up a while later to find that most of her friends had gone home. Not because they didn't want to stick around, she'd been assured, but because they wanted to let her rest without crowding her. Finn, Kurt, Brittany, Santana, and Blaine stayed. Rachel's head was on Kurt's shoulder. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, noting that they were watching a movie and arguing. She realized she'd seen it before.

"There's no way she's choosing him." Kurt declares.

"Yes she will!" Blaine argued. "They're meant to be together."

"That doesn't mean she'll choose him."

"She will!"

"She won't." Rachel added in her two cents.

They all look at her. "You seem pretty sure."

"It's not romantic." Blaine complains.

"It's not a romantic comedy." Rachel reasons. "It's a drama. It stands to reason she has to choose the wrong guy before accepting the right one."

"Or…you've seen it before." Santana assumes.

Rachel grins impishly, but doesn't respond. She ignores the grumbled "cheater" from Blaine and giggles from the rest. Finn is conked out. She raises an eyebrow. The others shrug.

"He got bored."

Rachel frowns lightly. "He could go home, then."

The others look at her like she's a moron. Kurt kisses her cheek.

"Tink, I love you and you have many good qualities. But damn are you stupid sometimes."

She rolls her eyes. Scratching an itch on her leg makes her recall that she hasn't shaved in a while. Her legs are prickly. She grimaces. It's going to be hard for her to shave by herself, but embarrassing to ask her mom for help.

"Out with it."

She looks up to see Kurt watching her. "It's nothing."

Now everyone else, minus her sleeping boyfriend, is giving her their full attention. She sighs. "It's nothing!"

"Berry. Tell us." Santana glares.

Brittany is sweeter about it. "Please?"

Rachel groans in mild irritation and embarrassment. "It's seriously nothing. I just haven't shaved in a while so my legs are itchy and prickly."

Blaine and Kurt attempt to bite down their sudden laughter. She glares at them. "Of course you find it funny. It's socially acceptable for guys to not shave."

Blaine slinks down on the couch, his contained laughter forcing his body to scrunch up in his efforts to keep quiet. Kurt is grinning at her. "You don't have to shave either, you know."

"But I feel like a porcupine!" Rachel whines. "And it's itchy!"

The boys guffaw, unable to restrain their amusement any longer. Rachel shifts so she can kick Blaine's side. It wasn't much of a kick, but it got her point across. Unfortunately, it also added to their amusement. Blaine laughs harder, curling his body away from her. Meanwhile, Rachel ignores him to elbow her brother. Again, there wasn't much force involved so all Kurt did was laugh harder. Mildly irritated, Rachel tries to hit him again. He wraps his arms around her, preventing her from getting in another hit.

"I'm sorry you're itchy, Tink." She'd believe him if he weren't grinning. "If it helps, you're a cute porcupine."

Santana is suddenly pulling Kurt's arms away and holding them. "Take your shot, Berry! He's wide open!"

Kurt twists, trying to get away to no avail. "I said cute!"

Her irritation slipping away, Rachel grins and pulls her hand back to strike her brother. She's thwarted by Blaine lightly grabbing her wrist. "Nice try, Rach. No attacking my boyfriend."

"My hero!"

"Girls stick together!" Brittany climbs on top of Blaine, making him stammer and release his hold on Rachel's arm.

"Hey….I…..Britt…..wait…."

Rachel giggles. Brittany manages to wrestle Blaine into submission. Rachel looks at her friends. On her right, Santana is still holding Kurt's arms and not releasing him. On her left, Brittany has Blaine is a firm hold. Both boys are trying to squirm away while laughing. Both girls are grinning viciously and holding firm. Rachel realizes she is free to attack both boys. But who first? An idea of how to express her annoyance with both boys in a way that'll annoy them back without actually upsetting them swims through her mind. With a smirk, she puts her plan into action. She shifts on the couch so that she can drive her toes into her brother's side, right where she knows he's the most ticklish. He squeals. At the same moment, she uses him as a foothold to push herself closer to Blaine. She reaches for the ex-Warbler and runs her hands through his hair, messing up his carefully slicked back style. Her actions cause Kurt to start laughing and squirming until he's gasping and red in the face. And Blaine is red from both amusement and a little embarrassment now that his natural curls are being released for all to see.

All five friends are laughing. Rachel knows that both boys could have easily overpowered her or gotten away from her. Blaine could have easily moved his head out of her reach. Kurt could have moved away. But they chose not to. Santana and Brittany knew this too, but chose to act like actual effort was needed and "restrained" the boys. All five know. All five are happy to ignore this and just enjoy a goofy moment. Rachel spies her mother peeking around the corner. She catches a glimpse of her mom's smile before she retreats to leave the teenagers to their shenanigans. She's also pretty sure she saw Finn's lips twitch, but she won't call him out on it. Yet. They calm down and Rachel leans tiredly into Kurt's side once more. He wraps an arm around her. The small "battle" had been enough to exhaust her. She's shaking lightly, but she doesn't care. It was worth it. Rachel lets her head rest in the crook of her brother's neck. Kurt rubs her arm and rests his head on top of hers.

"You had to go for that spot, huh?"

She chuckles. "Yup. It's my secret weapon, only to be used when absolutely necessary."

"And now was necessary?"

"Yes. I'm itchy and can't shave and you laughed about it." She smiles at him so he knows she's not annoyed anymore.

"I'll help." Brittany smiles at her.

Rachel looks at her curiously. "You already helped, Britt."

"No, I mean I'll help you shave! So you're not itchy."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once the water was warm enough and the tub full enough, the girls climbed in. They kept their undergarments on, though Brittany had been disappointed and confused about that. She'd wanted them off. Santana had to quietly explain to Britt that Rachel wasn't as comfortable with nudity as they were. Since Britt didn't want to do anything to make Rachel uncomfortable, she quickly agreed to keep bra and panties on. They wanted this experience to be relaxing and even fun, so they also put on music and lit candles, calling it all part of a "girls night in". The boys grumbled unhappily as they left. Rachel sat in the tub against Brittany. Santana sat facing the other girls. They talked and laughed, letting the warm water with essential oils added (mostly for the aromatherapy) soothe them all.

After they soaked long enough, and Rachel was struggling to stay awake, Santana turned and leaned against Rachel. Brittany giggled about making a Rachel sandwich. Rachel grinned but was too tired to laugh. Santana turned away to hide her expression as she swallowed down her fear. Back in control of herself, she took to the task that brought them up here in the first place. She lathered up one of Rachel's legs and picked up the razor. As she shaved the tiny brunette's legs, she wondered how this was done for patients in long term care.

"Like scratching an itch." Rachel said happily, her head still resting against Brittany's. "Thanks."

Santana shrugged. "No problem."

Brittany squeezed her gently and kissed her cheek. "Any time."

Rachel smiled oddly at them. "While this past year really sucked, it showed me how lucky I am."

Santana blinked. Then shook her head to clear it. "I'm sorry, what? I could have sworn I just heard you say you're lucky."

"I am." Rachel grins. "Not in health. Not in…..everything. But in friendship I am. I have absolutely amazing friends. I'm lucky."

Her pronouncement is mind boggling. She's been through hell, literal hell, but can still see a way that she has been lucky. Santana has to stop herself from scoffing and smile instead. She finishes rinsing her off. It takes a few minutes of moving carefully to get Rachel out of the tub and into bed. She can't walk or even stand on her own. She's proud of Brittany's strength. She'd struggled so much, falling apart any time she saw or heard about Rachel getting worse. But now, she can hold Rachel and keep a smile on her face. If you don't look into her eyes for too long to see the churning emotions and battle waging within, she seems calm. The three girls curl up on Rachel's bed. Rachel falls asleep fast, sandwiched between the two cheerleaders. Santana leans over her to kiss Brittany. Britt gives her a wobbly smile. They spend the night. They comfort her through the mild attack that hit in the morning. Thankfully, it didn't last as long as yesterday's. Rachel's Aunt Amy insisted on sitting with her so that the girls could get dressed and go downstairs for breakfast.

"We'll wait for Rachie to wake and eat with her." Brittany said.

Santana frowned and took the blonde's hand, not sure if Brittany was in denial or didn't fully grasp just how unlikely that is. The older woman shook her head sadly.

"She probably won't wake for hours, girls. Go get food."

They did. They ate with Rachel's mother and Uncle Mark. Brittany's mom came over a little later, bringing coffee and doughnuts. They stayed and talked for a little while, but once it was clear Rachel wouldn't likely be joining them anytime soon, they caved and left. All three went back upstairs to check on her first, though. Santana kissed her friend's cheek, trying to tell herself its a good thing she's sleeping so much. She watches Mrs. Pierce sit on the edge of the bed and stroke Rachel's hair while talking to Mrs. Corcoran. The girls promised they'll be back soon. Ms. Corcoran hugged them tight, thanking them.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The movie kept playing but Shelby wasn't paying attention to it. Her eyes kept moving to her daughter. Rachel sits on the couch, her legs curled under her, watching the movie. She thinks. Her eyes are on the screen and she sometimes reacts to or comments on something happening in the movie. Sometimes, though, her stare seems faraway. There must have been a very funny part, because Mark and Amy both laughed. The couple's eyes moved to Shelby and Rachel when they realized they were the only ones laughing. Shelby didn't care that they knew she wasn't actually watching the movie. Rachel didn't even seem to notice. Mark's lips press together hard, eyes heavy as they slide between mother and daughter. Shelby's glad he doesn't say anything. There's nothing to say.

The movie is still playing when her parents arrive to "tap out" Mark and Amy. She has noticed that it seems to be getting harder for her family to leave. They're more hesitant, slower moving, eyes lingering on Rachel. Shelby purposely doesn't think about why.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Burt quietly closes the door behind him. He knows it's early, but he wanted to stop by before work. He stopped to pick up coffee and bagels first. He's surprised to find Shelby sitting at the kitchen table. A mug sits untouched in front of her. He doesn't see any steam rising from it and a ring of spilled coffee sits undisturbed at its base. Meaning she hasn't touched it in some time. Her elbows are on the table, chin resting on her thumbs, and her clasped hands pressed against her mouth.

"Shelby?"

The house is silent. He assumes everyone else is asleep, but the silence still adds to his tension. She takes several seconds to look up at him. He sits, waiting.

"She woke up in the middle of the night." Her voice is low and rough. "She was confused. She didn't know what day it was or if she had school today or why she was even in my room to begin with." Shelby wipes her mouth and leans more on the table. "She tried to get up to go to her own room. She….she got upset when her legs shook and she couldn't make it to the door on her own. She was so confused. She didn't….she didn't understand why."

Burt's stomach sinks. He can't imagine what that was like. For either of them. She swipes at a single tear trying to escape. Then she closes the book that had been open next to her mug. He hadn't noticed it. She slides it over to him. 'What To Expect When a Loved One is Dying'.

"It's right there. In the section on 'Final Days'. Patients sometimes become confused. They forget what's going on, they don't understand what's happening to them. Or they can't focus on what's going on around them. In the final days, Burt. Final…..days."

More tears escape but she ignores them. He's confused. He recalls Mary being confused towards the end, but that was different.

"But…I didn't think…in her case…." He finds himself stammering uncharacteristically.

Shelby grimaces. "The book says that not everyone experiences it and even those that do experience different types of confusion. For some patients its severe and lasts until the end. For some patients, their confusion clears at the….very….end. Others have mild confusion that is fleeting and clears quickly. And still others only have a moment or two of confusion."

Burt takes her hand. "She may have just been sleep walking or something, Shelby."

She looks at him for a moment, considering his words. "Maybe. I hope to God that's all it was. But we can't rule out the other possibility."

He sighs deeply. "No. We can't."

Christopher comes downstairs. "Your mother is with her, Shel. Relax."

Shelby nods. "So she's still asleep?"

"It's early. What teenager is up at the crack of dawn?"

"Rachel." Burt regrets saying it as soon as it leaves his mouth. He forces himself to keep going. "Well….before. That's why she would get so upset when she'd struggle to wake up."

This time Shelby sighs. "I'd give anything to have her jumping up at the crack of dawn and banging around the house."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They're watching her more carefully. They're subtle about it, but she noticed. She doesn't have much to do but notice her surroundings. She's been carefully watched for months now. This, however, is different. She just can't put her finger on how. Or why. Her mom asked her a few weird questions. About school work, visits with her friends, and how she's feeling. Rachel shrugs it off, deciding it doesn't matter. It occurs to her that she should tell her mom that she doesn't feel like she's getting enough air. It seems like an important thing to mention. But its not major. It took her a while after waking to determine what felt off. She can breathe just fine, but it kind of feels like she's not getting enough oxygen in or something. Every time she goes to mention it, she gets distracted and ends up asking or saying something else. Besides, there's something else on her mind. Something that, to her, is far more pressing.

A hand squeezes hers. She hadn't realized anyone was holding it. Rachel blinks and turns her head. Her grandmother is sitting beside her now. Rachel wonders how long she's been sitting there. Last time she'd looked, it had been her grandfather.

"Rachel?"

From her tone, and the way everyone else is watching her, she infers that this isn't the first time her grandmother has tried to get her attention. She's given up spending any energy or thought on feeling guilty for worrying her loved ones. It's par the course at this point and out of her control.

"Yes?"

"We were debating between a musical and a comedy."

A glance at the tv reveals Netflix has been pulled up. When she hit stage 4 her mother purchased the streaming service to help alleviate the boredom of being forced to sit home all day every day. Right now, though, she's just not in the mood to watch anything. What she feels like doing is talking to her grandparents. But how to get her mother out of the house without upsetting or alarming her?

"Rachel?"

She blinks. "Um….musical."

They pull up 'Burlesque'. Rachel has seen it before and enjoys it. Which also means it works well as background music to her thoughts. When her mother leaves the room for a moment, Rachel takes her chance.

"Can I talk to you two?"

"Of course, Rachel."

Her grandparents give her their full attention, waiting patiently. Rachel glances towards the closed powder room door.

"Um…..I'll need more time for a longer discussion. But…..without Mom."

They share a look Rachel can't define.

"Alright. We'll arrange it. Would you like both of us to be here for it? Or can one of us distract your mother while you talk to the other?"

Rachel bites her lip, thinking about it. "Either way is fine."

They go back to watching the movie when they hear the powder room door open.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The talk doesn't happen.

Rachel gets another moderate attack, just days after her previous one. And once again, she stops breathing. This time it took longer to get her breathing again. Shelby is sitting on the recliner with Rachel cuddled against her. There's no way in hell Shelby will be willing to leave the house any time soon. Besides, Rachel probably won't be up for talking anytime soon either. Her granddaughter is on an oxygen mask, more pale than usual, and currently unconscious.

Debra grips her husbands hand and he kisses her temple. She never, ever, imagined it'd get to this point. She has a sudden memory of a conversation she'd had with Rachel over the summer. The poor girl was worried that if she died, her family would think she just gave up. Looking at her grandchild now, she believes she may need to bring that topic up once more. It occurs to her that it may be the topic that Rachel wanted to discuss with them without her mother around.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kurt enters Rachel's house warily. They've already been informed about her moderate attack and that she stopped breathing afterwards. Again. More of their friends were supposed to join them tonight, but his dad suggested that it should just be them and her actual family for now. This announcement made the glee kids very nervous. Finn and Kurt are nervous too, but they'll at least get to be there.

He has seen Rachel pale. He has seen her look weak and ill. Hell, he has seen her lifeless. Dead. Right now, curled in the reclining chair with her mother, she looks…bad. She honestly looks very close to how she'd looked when her heart had stopped. But thinner. More frail. The adults are talking in quiet murmurs. Something icy grips his heart.

Aunt Shelby's lips are pressed against Rachel's head but when she looks up at them, she smiles faintly. "Do you want to sit with her?"

Kurt nods and watches as Aunt Shelby kisses Rachel's head repeatedly before carefully sliding off the chair. He takes her place and Rachel snuggles right into him. He hadn't realized she was awake. He looks up at Aunt Shelby questioningly. She nods sadly and leads the adults into the kitchen.

"Hey, Tink." He whispers.

She squeezes his hand, but doesn't respond otherwise. Finn sits on the edge of the couch closest to them. Kurt knows he's going to have to get up at some point to let him hold his girlfriend. But for now, he'll enjoy holding his sister.

"You won't believe what 'Cedes and I heard at lunch today." He begins quietly. He goes on to ramble about unimportant gossip around the school. He can't tell if she's asleep or awake, but he keeps talking anyway.

After a while of seeing Finn's increasingly desperate looks, he hesitantly nods. Finn, relieved, stands eagerly. The taller boy takes his place, cradling his girlfriend. Kurt can't bring himself to go far, though. He perches on the small ottoman that he dragged away from the couch and right up to the recliner. He rubs her leg through the blanket, wanting her to know he's still there. Finn talks to her softly. She even responds at one point, though Kurt can't hear the words. Finn obviously did, because he grinned. For a few minutes, he's pretty sure she's awake and just keeping her eyes closed.

Then Finn's expression changes. Before Kurt can ask what's wrong, Finn is already knocking the oxygen mask off of her face. He puts his mouth over hers and blows a strong breath into her. Because he's holding her in the recliner, the position is awkward. Kurt stands, heart in his throat. He helps tilt Rachel's head back, pinches her nose, and pushes down on her chin to open her mouth more. Finn breathes for her again. Rachel pulls in a shuddering breath. On her own. Finn presses his pale face against hers, tears swimming in his eyes. Kurt grabs her hand and squeezes. Once Rachel has caught her breath, she looks at them blearily.

"Sorry."

Kurt snorts, half laughing and half crying. "Just keep breathing, Tink."

"'Kay."

Kurt replaces her oxygen mask, then walks into the kitchen. The adults look up.

"So, um…" He begins hesitantly, gripping his shaking hands behind his back, "Rachel stopped breathing."

Aunt Shelby nods. "Yeah, but she's okay now. It was only for a minute."

Kurt shakes his head. "No, I mean…..just now. Finn had to breathe for her."

The adults bolt past him and into the living room. Aunt Shelby places a hand on Rachel's chest. Once she's sure she's breathing, she kneels down and brushes back her daughter's hair.

"She seems fine now." Finn tells them. "I gave her two rescue breaths and it was enough to get her breathing on her own again."

"Did she have an attack?"

"No."

"Rachel, honey." Aunt Shelby gently shakes her. Initially, there's no reaction. Aunt Shelby's expression tightens. "Rachel…..I need you to open your eyes." Her eyelids flutter, but don't fully open. "Baby, open your eyes."

She pulls them open. "Hm?"

"How were you feeling right before you stopped breathing?"

"Tired."

"Anything else? Pain? Dizziness?"

"No." Aunt Shelby's lips press together tightly. Rachel's breathing is slightly labored. Her mother presses her hand to her lips. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

Kurt doesn't like the look in Rachel's eyes. Tired. Sad. Defeated.

"I….I don't…."

"Take your time, sweetheart." Her grandmother tells her.

Rachel squeezes her eyes shut, then reopens them. "I don't think it'll be weeks."

Aunt Shelby's face has been a brittle mask. Now, little cracks spread through the entire mask and it shatters into tiny fragments. She presses the back of Rachel's hand against her lips even more firmly.

"I know."

The words sound like they're echoing in a cave, spoken from far away. Kurt feels his father wrap his arms around him and rest his head on Kurt's. Finn's face scrunches up and he presses it into Rachel's hair.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After her treatment that night, the boys fought leaving. Then they fought sleeping. Burt and Carole had to give them the sedative the doctor sent home. Shelby had given him a couple before they left. In the morning, they fought going to school. At school they fought to pay attention.

In their hearts, they fought their reality.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shelby looks around the room. Her parents had called her siblings the night before. Andy and Kelly are here now, sitting with them in the living room. Mark and Amy aren't here, but they're prepared to come at a moments notice. It makes Shelby equal parts grateful and sick. Rachel is sleeping on the recliner. She'd had a mild attack earlier that lasted a long time and was hard for her to shake off. Her phone rings and she recognizes Dr. Reed's number flashing on her screen. She'd called earlier and left a message, so she's not surprised that he's calling back. After glancing around, she decides to take the call upstairs in her room. Her mother follows her.

"Her numbers are holding steady. They haven't dropped."

"That's good, right?"

"It is and it isn't. On its own, I'd say its cause for hope. Hope that she may start getting better."

Shelby senses the other shoe about to drop. "But?"

He sighs. "But, its combined with her worsening physical state. You said she's weaker, sleeping more, eating less, confused, and unfocused. Then, of course, is the fact that she has stopped breathing after her last two moderate attacks and stopped breathing for no obvious reason and while awake. That is very concerning."

Shelby sits on the bed. "What do we do?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her chest aches from crying so hard. Her mother holds her close, crying with her. She doesn't speak. She just lets her release her fear and hurt. When she no longer feels like screaming she sits up and wipes her face.

"Shelby…."

"I need to talk to Rachel. It'll be up to her."

Her mother raises an eyebrow. "To give her a sense of control or so that you don't have to make a difficult decision?"

Shelby abruptly stands. "How can you…."

She doesn't bother finishing her question. She knows her mother has a good point and she's not going to squabble semantics. Regardless of her reasons, she is leaving the final decision up to her daughter. She shakes her head and goes back downstairs. She wipes her hands on her pants.

"Can you guys give us a few minutes?"

Her family looks at her with various emotions, but they all nod and leave the living room. Once they're gone, she carefully climbs onto the recliner with Rachel and cradles her. For a moment, she can't bring herself to wake her so she just holds her. However, time is not on their side. She can feel it slipping away like sand in an hourglass slipping between her fingers. Despite her best efforts and most fervent wishes, it will soon run out. Shelby kisses Rachel's head.

"Rach? Honey?" Rachel shifts, but doesn't wake. "Rachel, open your eyes please."

It takes a minute for her to pry open her eyes and another few seconds for her eyes to focus on Shelby. She strokes Rachel's cheek slowly, waiting for her to fully wake up.

"Mom?"

"Hey, baby girl. We need to talk. We have a decision to make."

"What decision?"

"I just got off the phone with Dr. Reed. Your numbers are holding steady." There's no reaction. No relief, no worry, no anger, no smile. Nothing. It's unsettling. She goes on. "But, based on how your body has reacted to the last two moderate attacks, he's worried that if you get a severe attack your heart will stop. Maybe even with a moderate attack. Your moderates have been coming closer together and you could get a severe at any time."

She waits a moment, letting Rachel absorb all of this. She's still a little disquieted that Rachel isn't reacting to any of this.

"We have two options. Option one is to go to the hospital now. That way, you'll already be in the hospital and around doctors. If you stop breathing again, which is very likely, or if your heart stops, they'll be able to do CPR immediately. Option two is to stay here. If you get an attack that stops your heart, we will call an ambulance and do CPR until they arrive. Or if you stop breathing and we can't get you started again, we'll breathe for you until an ambulance can get here."

"So…..go to the hospital preemptively…..or…..stay at home and call an ambulance."

"Right. Either way, once at the hospital you'll be admitted. And…..you will stay there."

Rachel frowns, her brow furrowing. "How long?"

Shelby takes in a slow breath. "Until…." She swallows hard and brushes some hair behind Rachel's ear. It takes all of her strength to answer calmly. "….until something changes."

From the way her daughter's expression changes and her eyes drop, she knows Rachel understands her true meaning. Her heart is in a vice. She runs her fingers through Rachel's hair.

"It's up to you, Rachel. Whatever you decide, I will support you."

"Do I have to decide right now?"

"Well, no. But if you get an attack before deciding, that'll make the choice for you."

They're both quiet for several minutes. Shelby rubs her back and gives her time to think. She begins to think Rachel fell asleep when her daughter finally speaks.

"I think…..I think we should go."

An uncomfortable feeling sweeps through the mother. She was not expecting that response. Rachel hates going to the hospital and avoids it at all cost.

"Oh? Any particular reason why?"

"Just….a feeling…..I have. We should go."

Shelby raises her head and swallows hard, working hard to control her breathing. The last thing she wants is for her daughter to know how alarmed she is.

"And…how long have you had that feeling?"

Rachel shrugs minutely. "I haven't really….been keeping track of time, lately."

Shelby nods slowly. "Today?" Rachel shakes her head. Shelby's stomach falls. "Yesterday?"

"Maybe."

Shelby releases a breath slowly. "Okay. We'll go, baby girl."

"Do we have to go right now?"

"No."

"Good. I'm comfortable."

"Me too." Shelby kisses her head again and holds her a little tighter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mother and daughter stay cuddling on the reclining chair for a while longer. Neither knows that the other is doing the exact same thing: memorizing how it feels, carving this moment into their memories. Shelby turns on Funny Girl. Christopher brings them drinks and snacks. Debra and Kelly are upstairs packing them both bags for the hospital stay and using the time to let their tears run their course. Andy is on the phone with Burt, quietly letting him know what's happening. Then he calls Mark and repeats the process.

When its time to go, Shelby closes the recliner so they're sitting up. Debra holds Rachel's coat and stands beside them. Rachel's face starts to fall, her chin trembling, but then she clenches her jaw. Shelby's heart clenches.

"Honey," She whispers "if you want to wait and stay longer—"

"No." Rachel looks up at her grandmother and nods, reaching for the coat.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They're waiting for her in the emergency room, a gurney and heated blanket at the ready. Once she's on the gurney, she reaches into her coat pocket and removes a package of Sour Patch Kids. Rachel hands it to Nurse Hunter with a small grin. He looks startled at first, then grins as well.

"You've got the stuff?" He asks in a pretend whisper.

"I've got the stuff."

He takes it from her and slides it into his own pocket, pretending to look around for cops while Dr. Morgan and Nurse Karen laugh. He places the heated blanket on her while they begin rolling the gurney down the hall.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Burt enters the choir room, interrupting Mr. Schuester's lesson. The teacher takes one look at his face and knows something bad has happened. He sits next to Sue Sylvester, letting Burt stand before everyone. The kids are sitting up straighter, mouths drawn into tight lines. His heart simultaneously fills and clenches as he watches them all reach out and hold hands with the people closest to them. They're good kids. He stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Rachel is in the hospital. And….that is where she will stay."

"Did something change? Or is this because she stopped breathing?" Kurt asks.

Burt shakes his head slowly. "It's because she stopped breathing. Dr. Reed believes her next attack will also stop her heart and wanted her at the hospital so she could have immediate medical intervention when that occurs."

Finn scoffs. "Bet she hated being told that."

"Actually, it was her decision." The kids look at him in disbelief and worry. "Dr. Reed said she could go to the hospital right away or wait at home until the next attack hits and call an ambulance then. She chose to go to the hospital right away."

"Why? That's not like her at all." Finn frowns.

"She said….." He looks away, trying to keep his composure. "….she felt like it was time to go."

"And since yesterday she said she doesn't think she has weeks left, I guess that shouldn't be surprising." Blaine says softly, eyes wet.

"Do they have any idea how much longer she actually has?" Quinn asks.

"No. Nothing new. It could be weeks, as expected. It could be days." Tina covers her mouth to muffle a cry. He pushes on. "But her numbers haven't dropped in a while. Dr. Reed is cautiously optimistic that she could get better. However, even he said that because of how weak she is, it would be extremely unlikely at this point. A miracle."

"Well, this is Berry we're talking about. If anyone is going to pull off a last minute miracle, it'll be her." Santana says.

The kids share tentative grins.

"I'm going to take Kurt and Finn with me now, if they'd like." The two boys immediately begin gathering their belongings. "But….the rest of you…..please wait."

"How long?" Mercedes questions.

"At least until tomorrow. Give today for her and her mother to get used to her being admitted and what it most likely means. Tomorrow, you guys can start visiting. Alright?"

Reluctantly, they nod.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her mild attacks, which have been increasing in frequency, have increased even more. She gets multiple a day; anywhere from two to six a day. Every time one hits, it kills Shelby. Watching her daughter tense up and grimace, struggling to breathe through the pain, kills her a little bit each time. All she can do is hold her.

Shelby sits beside Rachel's hospital bed, the guard rail lowered, and holds her daughter's hand, stroking the back of it while she sleeps. She'd had two attacks in the past hour. Now, worn out, all she can do is sleep. The doctors were giving her a steady supply of pain medication, which took the worst of the pain, but not all. They're afraid to give her too much. She's also on supplemental oxygen with a nasal cannula. While they're continuing the three treatments a week, they've decided to give her a blood transfusion an additional two days a week. No meds, just blood.

A week.

That's the plan. But if Rachel's…..feeling….is correct. She won't even have a week left.

Shelby prays.

Xxxxx