Hiding the Pain
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Supernatural, and I'm not making any money from this fic
Summary: The first in a series of little drabbles… Dean's POV. Can be taken from anywhere towards the end of the series
Warning(s): Um… References to violence; spoilers
It's so easy to hide the pain, so easy to pretend that things don't hurt.
I've been doing it since Sam and I were children. It's always been easy; automatic. I'm the big brother, after all. I pretend that things don't hurt because I know that Sammy's always looked up to me, known that I'll always protect him.
Even if he doesn't want it…
I made that promise when Dad gave me Sammy and told me to take him outside when our house burned down. I've done my best to keep that promise. Even when Sam left to go to Stanford, I knew that I'd always be able to tell when he was in any kind of danger, and arrive in time to protect him from it.
But I can't make the pain go away, no matter how hard I try. I can hide it… But one day it'll all come out.
I just hope that it doesn't cause anyone else to be hurt.
The worst was when Sam left to go to college. I understood why he needed to do it – hell, I still understand that he needed to live his own life, live his own dreams. And, even though it hurt to lose my brother like that, I was willing to let him go, if it meant that he would be happy. I'd give up everything to see my brother happy…
It hurt when I had to drag him out of the apartment, away from his dying girlfriend. Sammy never said anything, but I know that he's asking, Why did you take me away from her?
I wish I had the answers, Sammy…
It hurt when he shot me with rock salt, and I don't just mean in my chest where it hit. I told him that I forgive him, accepted his apologies – but, damn it, it still hurt when he pulled the trigger. Three times.
But I'll never tell him.
Sam doesn't need to know how much I hurt – and if this tears me up inside, then so be it. I'll do anything to keep my brother safe.
I won't let him hurt… Not like I do.