The Witch's Mistake

So, everyone's Reviewing about my friend, and the fact that there was a major typo regarding centuries and millennia, but I think the important part is where everyone is hyped for when Percy decks the modern-day Assassins in the schnoz.

Good. Very good.

Also, thank you all for your concern regarding my friend. Like Lou, they're disgruntled over their nighttime situation, but are otherwise chipper. Especially so, considering the person that ran into them is paying for the damages because they were on their phone and not paying attention.

Now, onto the brutality!

Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or AC

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The average time on a train going from St. Louis to Denver was within the neighborhood of seventeen and eighteen hours, and after the hecticness of Percy being involved in blowing up the Gateway Arch, everyone was just a little tired (they were still children, after all), and they promptly crashed in their seats.

Beckendorf and Grover somehow ended up using each other as a plushie, while Annabeth and Lou managed to find purchase on either of Percy's arms, to which it took the Assassin a few extra minutes to find the inner piece necessary for sleep, because he couldn't help but respect the amount of danger he was in.

On one arm, he had one of the brightest kids on the planet, who could be very mean with her words, easily capable of targeting low blows with lethal efficiency, and on the other arm he had one of the most powerful kids on the planet, one who was also wearing a diaper for her bedwetting issues. Should they wake up, and an argument over him begin, it was pathetically easy to predict that a cat fight would ensue, one in which Annabeth would target Lou's day-wearing, and Lou would get deeply cut by that remark, and she would retaliate by turning Annabeth into field mouse, and feed her to an owl.

Or something like that.

The bottom line was that Percy had trouble easing his mind to a point where he could find sleep.

Once he did, he became privy to such wondrous information.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Percy found himself standing over the largest pit he had ever seen, and he had stood atop the Colosseum looking down.

Impossible…, a voice rumbled upward from the depths of this darkness. I sent you to the Jurassic Era.

Percy raised a brow at what he was hearing. The voice was eerily familiar, like a face he had seen in a nightmare so many years ago.

No, wait. Your soul. You only have two-sixths of a soul. That means, the voice seemingly chuckled, but to Percy it sounded like someone banging knives together. They are such a meddlesome force, truly. They must have intercepted your soul and left your body here, and as you remember each passing life, you gain another piece of your fractured inner being. No matter. While potentially problematic, your presence does present me with opportunity.

Percy remembered who he was talking to. "Grandfather."

Ah, the little boy knows of his family. Correct. I tried to kill you while you were an infant so you wouldn't become an obstacle today.

"Oh, well I'm glad you failed."

So am I! Kronos sounded positively delighted at his plans being foiled. You've become more powerful than I could possibly have ever dreamed, and you're only going to become stronger from here.

"You make it sounds like that benefits you."

Oh, but it does. If I can convince you to join my side, it'll be that much easier to end the corrupt and disgusting rule of my errant children, and their even more errant children.

"Yes, because I'll gladly join the pagan entity who ate his own children and castrated his own father, all for the sake of securing power. I've killed people like you before, and it appears that I'm going to be doing it for years to come."

Ah, you may refuse my offer now, Grandson, but there will be so many times in which you question your allegiance to your father, to the gods. There will be times when you reflect on what the world has become, and you will decide that something needs to be done. I will be there for you.

Percy raised his brow again. "Allegiance? I bear no allegiance to Poseidon or Zeus or any on Olympus or elsewhere. I obey only one god."

Kronos chuckled. For now, little boy, for now…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Percy awoke in the middle of an argument.

"Fetish freak!" was the loud comeback of Annabeth.

"Transsexual scumbag!" was Lou's retort.

Percy blinked, lost at what was going on, and on what transgenderism had to do with anything. Annabeth was confused to, but she turned the situation to her advantage.

"That doesn't even make sense, diaper girl. It only goes to show you have all the intelligence of those that are supposed to wear diapers."

"Oh, it's going to make sense here in a second," Lou grinned sinisterly.

She held up her hand, and a sphere of brightly colored dust swirled around her palm. Annabeth's grey eyes widened, Grover's eyes widened, Beckendorf's eyes widened, and Percy's eyes narrowed.

"You had problems peeing behind a tree because you're a girl? Let's fix that, shall we?"

Now it really became clear what Lou Ellen was about to do, and everyone reacted. The blonde dove backward, the satyr sat frozen, the blacksmith lunged forward, and the Assassin jerked the witch's spell-laden palm straight up. Unfortunately, he did that just as Beckendorf arrived, and the resulting angle of direction from the three different forces (Percy's angle, Lou's angle, and Beck's angle) was the son of Poseidon's face.

A flash of light and a small shockwave blinded everyone, and slammed them back against whatever surface there was. When the bright spots cleared from everyone's vision, they saw Percy glaring at Lou...though he looked different.

His face was a few ticks softer, his hair a tad silkier, his body slightly different, his clothes not fitting him as properly as they previously did, and he had a hand around his crotch, and it done so in a way that made it look like...it was a flat area.

"Lou Ellen Williams," his voice was about two and a half octaves higher, "fix this now."

"I can't," she squeaked, white as Ezio's robes. "The spell I used doesn't end until 24 hours later."

Percy's eye twitched, and the air was thrumming with terrible, volatile power. It was clear to everyone he was trying valiantly not to explode.

"I was bullied...for my girlish appearance...I was made fun of, both by Clarisse and Alecto, for my girlish appearance...I beat people into a pulp for insulting me...by calling me a girl, girl names, and girl pronouns...I threw myself into vigorous workout after vigorous workout to sculpt my body into a masculine shape...so that my torment would cease...I see now that my endeavors were wasted."

Percy spoke slowly, in clear tones, making sure every word was heard, and every word was felt. Everyone in the cabin felt like they were in the presence of a threatened predator, one that deciding whether attacking was worth the effort or not, even Grover and Charles, who admittedly had nothing to do with this.

It seemed the predator decided to spare them all this day, because Percy closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and exhaled just as deeply.

"What were you two even arguing about, anyway?"

Neither girl answered, but they did both blush an angry red.

It was Charles that answered, with disappointment heavy in his voice. "They were arguing over you, and who saw you first, because both of them took a liking to you, and they didn't feel like talking it out. Well, let me rephrase: they talked it out just fine, and you woke up for the climax."

Percy's eye twitched, and she slowly panned her smoldering gaze from female to female, before she closed her eyes. "It is with regret, girls, that I inform both of you of your loss in this battle. Due to Ms. William's spell, I am now a girl as well, for the next 24 hours. As I am not gay, even with my gender forcibly swapped, I see nothing in either of you. Except for the utmost contempt."

Percy's eyes opened, and the sheer power behind them had everyone choking on their breath. "All of you: out. Now."

The other four members of the quest quickly filed out, leaving Percy to sort herself out in her lonesome.

She felt strange, strange in that she wasn't mad at Annabeth nor Lou for whatever they had said, she wasn't mad that she was the center of a petty argument between preteen girls, and she wasn't mad at Beckendorf or Grover for what they did, or lack thereof, and she wasn't even mad at Lou, per se. She was just mad at this whole situation, this whole great big irony she was caught in.

A childhood that revolved around violently denouncing any affiliation with anything feminine, and here she was now, about as feminine as one could ever get.

Percy sighed slowly. What was done, was done, and this would all be overcome tomorrow. Just keep praying, just keep heading west, just keeping fighting off the monsters, lower the amount of food and water intake, so as to avoid an awkward situation regarding a bathroom, and everything would be fine.

"Everything is not going to be fine," Percy muttered with a dull look at her reflection in the window.

Another thing that vexed her was that her face was hardly any different than just a few minutes ago. Honestly, she looked like her own identical twin, and that was annoying, looking so much like a girl in the first place that there was hardly any difference in facial structure when you were actually a girl.

Percy needed something to distract herself with, and she decided to do that via math. As in time calculation.

It was 1:00 P.M. when the train for Denver departed from St. Louis, and when she woke up from her nap, it was 4:33 P.M. The travel time of the train was seventeen hours and thirty minutes, which meant that out of that time, three and a half hours had passed, which meant there was fourteen hours left to go until arrival in Denver, which put their arrival at about 6:30 in the morning.

That thought helped ease Percy's mind.

Now, Lou had said that this spell would end in 24 hours, which meant that it was going to be after 4:30 before Percy's proper anatomy would return to its proper state, which mean that, after arriving in Denver at about 6:30, it would be eight more hours as a girl.

Percy sighed to herself.

Well, as Lou said in regards to her chronic bedwetting: it could be worse.

Wallowing in self-pity and bemoaning her temporary situation wasn't going to solve anything. 24 hours a girl? Okay; this was a different body, a different weight, a different aerodynamic frame. It wasn't going to move about like her male body, and compensation needed to be made.

While only 24 hours, Percy needed to be in top shape.

She needed to get used to this body before a situation arose.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Annabeth and Lou were facing each other, and Beckendorf was acting as mediator, ready to step in and use his massive size to keep the peace. Grover had his pipes up and ready, in case he needed to play a restraining/calming song.

"You were going to turn me into a boy because of excretory functions? Seriously?"

Lou narrowed her eyes. "No, that was just what I said. You know how Percy's a Christian, right?"

"Of course."

"Christians are historically homophobic, remember? Making you a boy would make any attraction you felt for Percy, or Percy felt for you, gay, and Percy's not gay. With that, I'll have removed you from the equation entirely," Lou finished with a superior smirk.

"Yeah, and now Percy would be eternally hacked with your petty move-and he still might be, considering you turned him into a girl for a day. What do you see in him, anyway? Like you said, he's a Christian, and you're a witch," Annabeth's grey eyes practically glowed with malicious glee, glee at her supposed debilitating blow. "They don't mix."

Lou snorted. "We're also both pagans by his standards, and the Bible also says that, like witches and gays, we're big no-nos...and yet here he is. Not even rejecting us."

Annabeth frowned at her argument being destroyed, so she backtracked and started over from another point. "You still haven't answered my question, witch. What do you see in Percy?"

"The first boy I've ever met in my life that didn't judge me or reject me because I practice magic. The first boy that didn't shy away from me or treat me with caution like I'm a rabid animal ready to snap at them, just because I'm Hecate's daughter. He's the first boy, and person, for that matter, to accept me for all that I am, and tell me there's someone out there that loves me unconditionally. Even my own dad, didn't know what to do with me, besides change my diapers, potty train me, and keep me fed and clothed."

Lou bored down on Annabeth with all the intensity of planet-sized comet.

"I've actually had conversations with him, and have gotten to know him. What have you done with him, besides get your face smashed in when you woke him up, and almost lose his Bible?"

Annabeth's hyper intelligent brain failed her.

"That's what I thought."

The daughter of Athena wasn't beaten yet.

"At least I didn't turn him into a freaking girl."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

There was something wrong here, something more wrong than the gap between her legs.

Percy had climbed to the top of the speeding train, entered Eagle Vision, and launched into a training session straight outta Yancy's gym, one against numerous individuals of a ghostly nature. Percy expected to be clumsy, uncoordinated, too fast in this lighter, female body. She expected to be throwing herself about due to putting too much force into a swing or a kick.

Percy's expectations couldn't be further from the truth.

Her movements were fluid and graceful, practiced and experienced. They were the movements of someone well-versed in combat, someone who had been doing this for years on end, which she had, but as a male. A stocky body, packed with muscle, built for delivering short, quick, brutal strikes, a far cry from this female frame, one built for grace, elegance, and flowing motion.

While going from his 5'3 frame of 120 pounds of muscle to this female 5'3 frame of 110 pounds of muscle wasn't too much of a terrible difference, it was still the same as a zebra becoming a horse, a dog becoming a wolf, or a gorilla becoming an orangutan. It was the sheer, fundamental, sudden anatomical difference that bore the confusion and foreign movement, but for Percy?

It was like she had been this way her whole life.

…

Percy stared at the rapidly moving landscape, painted in the oranges and reds of the sunset, lost in thought. In her dream, before this temporary nightmare began, her grandfather had said she had two-sixths of a soul, which explained her previous hopeless disposition before receiving Faris' and Vergil's fragment. Two-sixths, though...two lives, two-sixths, which meant it stood to reason that there were four more lives left to go before her entire soul was one piece again.

Most likely, the reason for this feeling of ease and borderline comfort in this temporary body, was because Percy had been a woman in a previous life.

...great.

Terrific. Brilliant.

Granted, that was just a theory, one that involved several branches coming from so many different avenues, one that invoked so many questions.

For instance, why was her soul not complete? Why did she keep remembering past lives? Why was her soul coming back in pieces? What did Kronos have to do with anything? Why did he try to kill her? Who was 'they'? Why did he want her allegiance?

Percy sighed in great frustration at the lack of feasible answers.

She used to have an entire spy network, one that spanned a hemisphere, that provided her with daily updates about everything going on in the world at any given moment. She had been informed of everything going on, worth knowing about. Nothing had been unknown.

Percy missed her spy network, she wished she still had it; however, still having her spy network would mean still having the Templars around, and if not having her spy network meant no Templars, then Percy would be fine with that arrangement.

Granted, the Oracle's 'prophecy' heavily hinted that both Orders were still alive.

If that were the case, Percy wondered what they were like today. Who was winning, what had changed, whose teachings were being taught, whose impacts were the most remembered? Had the Assassins been corrupted, and now they were the bad guys? Had the Templars changed their philosophy and ways? Were they both minute factions in the grand scheme of the world, or were they major players? Were they both major players, or was only one of them? If so, which one? Were the Assassins on top of everything, or were the Templars?

…

...once again: spy network.

Percy calmed her racing thoughts by remembering the phrase 'all things come to he who waits.'

The answers would be revealed in time, and when they were, the appropriate actions would be taken. Of course, it was going to be seriously entertaining/amusing/interesting to run into the Assassins again, having all the knowledge and wisdom and experience of Faris and Vergil.

Maybe she would go through of trouble of trying to convince them of her past lives, maybe not. Maybe she would be content with that playing that mysterious leader role; heh, a child leading an international shadow army, sounded like something out of a book. Granted, a boy being turned into a girl via accidental magic via a bedwetting witch was also something that sounded impossible, yet here Percy stood.

So everything was a possibility.

For now, the Assassin just needed to remain calm, watch her food intake, watch her liquid intake, read her Bible, and pray that she wouldn't have a period within the next 23 hours. She had once been married, and she had raised daughters. She had a firm grasp on the wonder of the female body, and she was in no hurry to experience any of them.

With that, Percy returned to the back of the passenger train, and reentered the cars.

She still wasn't about to talk to Lou and Annabeth, though; she was still mad at them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

True to Percy's calculations, the train arrived in Denver at exactly 6:30 in the morning, on the dot.

The quest filed out of the train with a tense atmosphere about them. Well, Percy was just fine, everyone else was tense and waiting for an explosion. Lou Ellen found her voice first.

"Percy, I-"

"Don't say anything."

Annabeth's face broke into a snide grin, her ADHD getting the better of her. "Yeah, Lou-"

"Either of you."

Conversation died right then and there, and didn't pick back up again until the train station was cleared, and Beckendorf had a suggestion.

"Uh, Percy…?" when he wasn't snapped at, he continued. "Maybe it would be a good idea to get a hold of Chiron, inform him of our progress, check in on Camp, you know? Just a thought," he finished quickly.

"Mmm," Percy hummed.

There were merits to this idea, and they were making great time, but the downside was that she would be talking to Chiron as a girl, and that was something Percy wanted to avoid for the sole point of her pride. Then again...would Chiron even notice?

"How do you propose we contact Chiron? If memory serves, cellphones are something we cannot use."

"Nope," Beck agreed. "But we can use Iris-Messages."

"...what?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So you need a rainbow, a drachma, a name, and a location?"

"More or less."

"Let's get started."

The son of Hephaestus put in the quarters, sprayed the water across the path of the morning sun, creating a rainbow, and threw in a drachma. "O, goddess, accept this offering. Chiron, Camp Half-Blood."

The image in the rainbow shimmered, before showing Chiron in the middle of...something.

"Travis! Disarm those diarrhea traps now! Clarisse, put down that pitchfork! Katie, I swear if you don't stop strangling those children with those vines right now, I'm going spray weed killer all over your garden! Franco, muovi il culo!"

"Chiron!" Percy cried, somewhat aghast at the centaur's language.

The old teacher's head snapped towards the Iris Message. "What-!? Oh, Perseus, my apologies. Things have become a little hectic here in the wake of the Zeus-Poseidon stand-off going on in the world right now."

"I can hear that. Anyway, Beckendorf wanted to check in and let you know that we're mostly okay, in Denver, and still heading to Los Angeles."

"Excellent to hear, my old friend. Also, is that a lion's pelt?"

"Si. The Nemean Lion's, actually."

Chiron wheezed.

"I also have Medusa's Head stored away in the Minotaur's horns, and I killed the Chimera on the Gateway Arch, as well as fought off Echidna. We also encountered the Furies on the bus out of Manhattan."

Chiron was equal parts awed and pale. "Perseus, you've killed the Minotaur...Medusa...Alecto, twice...the other Furies...the Chimera...and you've fought off a god. My boy, you're not even halfway through with this quest, and you've done more than enough to be written down as a Greek hero."

Percy said, "The Lord is with us," but the words were drowned out by the obnoxiously loud boom box of the Lincoln Continental that pulled into the other car washing station.

Chiron's and Percy's faces reflected the pain that stemmed from their superior hearing being assaulted by such massive decibels.

"I've got it!" Lou and Annabeth both yelled at once. Beckendorf paled and quickly handed the nozzle to Percy, chasing after the girls, and Grover panicked, giving chase himself, which left Percy alone with the misty face of Chiron.

"Hey! Do I look different to you!?"

Her words were heard, because Chiron's gaze turned scrutinizing and searching. Apparently, and dishearteningly, he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, because his face set itself back to how it usually was.

"No! Did something happen!?"

The Lincoln's music promptly shut off.

"Yes, Lou, Annabeth, Charles, and Grover managed to do something about the nuisance next door. Hopefully nothing fatal."

"Yes, hopefully nothing-children! Cut that out right now, or I swear I'm going to-!"

"Until next time, Chiron."

The spray ended as the car wash's timer ran out.

Percy was only a little hurt by the fact that the centaur couldn't recognize that she was now a girl, but her slight emotional pain was quickly dashed when Lou Ellen came around the corner, a Siberian Husky puppy held in her crossed arms. The little thing yipped and squeaked when it saw Percy.

"Lou, if that's Annabeth…"

"I'm right here, Seaweed Brain." The blonde came around the opposite corner, Grover in tow, Beckendorf coming up behind Lou Ellen.

"If you ever call me that again, I'll perform an on-sight mastectomy."

Annabeth paled.

Percy looked back at the witch. "The puppy?"

"Used to be the guy driving the Lincoln and playing his music too loud."

"So you turned him into a puppy."

"Well, he was part of a local gang, and wanted to kill Beck and Grover, and kidnap me and Annabeth, rape us, pimp us out, before selling us for five hundred grand a piece. I was going to turn him into a diaper and sneak it into the nearest daycare, but I think a new life as my puppy is a better alternative. Say hello to Kira!"

The puppy yipped and wagged...her (Percy just noticed) tail excitedly.

"Kira?" the Assassin deadpanned. "That's Japanese for 'killer.'"

"Yep, and isn't it just the bestest name in the whole wide world for this widdle gewl?" Lou Ellen gushed, nuzzling her puppy's head. Kira licked her new master's cheek with gusto.

Percy's eyes rolled into the back of her head as her eyelids fluttered shut. She straightened, exhaled, and then opened her eyes again. "You're keeping up with her, and are wholly responsible for her. Anything happens to her, and it's on you. Clear?"

Those were the exact same words Vergil used on Maria when she came running home one day with her own puppy.

Lou bobbed her head. "Got it!"

Kira barked once, also nodding her head.

"Perfect. I'm hungry, and it's breakfast time. I believe there's a diner over there."

Indeed, there was a diner, and while the waitress was skeptical of a bunch of dirty tweens, especially the one in the fancily cut leather trench coat, an introduction to Benjamin Franklin fixed the problem real fast. Old Benjie even solved the problem of having a dog inside the diner.

Conversation was kept to a minimal, as Percy still wasn't allowing Lou and Annabeth to talk to her, and the tense atmosphere between the girls kept Beckendorf and Grover from saying anything either. Even Kira picked up on the mood, and kept from yapping or yipping.

Breakfast almost seemed like it was going to go off without a hitch, until the motorcycle pulled up, and its rider nearly shoved the doors clean off the hinges. Percy didn't need Eagle Vision to know who this god was. Her intense displeasure with him was enough to clue her in.

Despite how good he had been at it, Vergil hated war.

And Percy hated War, too.

"Ares," she greeted tersely.

"Well, if it ain't my gender confused little cousin. Tell me, cuz...you fingered yourself yet?"

Percy could feel it, the desire to lash out, yell explicatives, hurt people, maim people, kill people. Flashes of brutality skittered across her mind's eye, flashes of the worst moments Faris and Vergil had. She could also tell that Beck, Grover, Lou, Annabeth, and even little Kira were experiencing the same desires for violence, just by the furious looks that crossed their faces, all directed at Ares, all because of the war god's question.

In another life, perhaps Percy immediately stabbed Ares in the throat with her Hidden Blade, but not this one. Instead, she prayed for guidance and calmness, protection and serenity. Immediately, like water being poured down her body, she felt the negativity of Ares' influence leave her, replaced with the level head she usually had.

"No, cousin, I have not masturbated."

"That's cool. I have a girlfriend that does that for me, makes sense you would wait for a your own significant other to come along and scratch that itch, but anyway. As I understand it, you guys need a way west to Ol' Corpse Breath's palace."

"It almost sounds like you're offering something."

"Yep. I'm offering you a ride," Ares grinned.

"And what do you want in return?"

"Ooh, aren't you the clever little virgin. If I wasn't bangin' that sexy beast Aphrodite, I'd take you for a ride and plow you into next year."

Percy managed a smile, though she felt sick. "Glad I could impress you, my lord."

Ares looked a little too pleased at being called 'lord.' "Right, there's a nearby waterpark, a mile west on Delancey. My girlfriend and I were in the middle of a date, but we were interrupted. Left my shield behind. Go there, look for the Tunnel of Love ride, and bring me my shield back. Do a good job, and I'll arrange a ride west for you, your lesbian girlfriends, your goat, and your plumber."

"Thank you for your generous offer, cousin, but I'm afraid breakfast is here."

"Here you kids go~," the waitress said happily, enticed by the promise of money, as she set down the massive tray of breakfast orders.

Ares wasn't too pleased with being blown off, and with a snap of his fingers, the food and the waitress erupted into ash. No one seemed to notice, besides the half-bloods and Kira. Everyone but Percy gaped in horror at what the war god just did. The Assassin was still smiling at her cousin, but now there was a dark gleam in her eye.

"Now that was rather rude."

"No, what's rude is being swept to the side like trash. Here I am, going out of my way to help y'all out, and you're more worried about food. Now I'm offended. It was going to be a simple arrangement: get my shield, and I'll get you a ride, but now I'm thinking I want something extra for this grievous show of disrespect."

"Such as?"

"I don't know. I'll come up with something when my shield is back in my hands, which I suggest you get started on, before I lose my temper."

"Yes, a pagan losing their temper would be such a tragedy." Percy slid out of her seat, brushing past Ares. "Come along, gang. We have a quick errand to run."

Everyone nervously filed out of the booth and past the displeased god of war. As Charles past Ares, his arm was grabbed. Tightly.

"This one stays here. Think of it as my giving you a better challenge. Get out of here before I make you go alone."

After a lingering, smoldering look over her shoulder, Percy exited the diner, a nervous and apprehensive Annabeth, Lou Ellen, Kira, and Grover in tow.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the pace Percy set, it was only a ten minute walk to the abandoned water park. The Assassin frowned at the barbed wire, as did everyone else, but after a quick casing of the property, they discovered that someone had previously cut a hole in the fence, and they promptly used that as their entry point. Much less hassle than trying to climb over the barbed wire.

A burst of Eagle Vision saw the target ride glowing a brilliant gold, and Percy headed in that direction, not addressing any of the inquiries aimed at her from her allies. The empty pool was surrounded by cupid statues, all of which were glowing an angry red under the power of Eagle Vision, with glowing white triangles being found on the bases of each statue. Down in the middle of the pool was one of the two-seater boats, a canopy over it with a pink heart motif.

In the passenger seat was the scarf, and in the driver's seat was the shield.

Percy failed to break stride when she got to the lip of the bowl, and she descended with textbook grace, landing on her feet with barely a bend in her legs. She practically stormed up to the boat, wholly ignored the scarf, but then froze when she got a closer look at the shield.

Decades of being an Assassin had taught her how to spot traps and tripwires, and there, binding the shield to the dashboard, posing as an effective cobweb, was a kind of tripwire. What it tripped was a mystery, but Percy could feel all the water in the surrounding pipes. Short of this boat exploding in her face, she could handle anything.

And she was wearing the Nemean Lion's pelt (in the form of an awesome trench coat). Even an explosion might not be enough to damage her.

Considering just how hacked she was with Ares and his comments, Percy completely forwent caution, and ripped the shield away from its resting. She was bolting across the pit, shield strapped to her back, just as all the machines whirred and hummed. The cupids shot their arrows across the pit, golden wire trailing behind the projectiles.

"Percy!" two voices cried out.

The Assassin skid to a halt. "What are you two doing!?"

Lou and Annabeth had jumped down into the pit, leaving a panicking Grover and frantically barking Kira above the...net. Brilliant, they were all trapped underneath a net designed to capture gods.

"Helping you, duh!" Annabeth said.

"I would've made it, had you not distracted me! Now you're trapped down here too!" Percy rounded on Lou. "Do you at least have something that can teleport us out of this, or unravel the threads?"

"Nothing powerful enough to affect this level of celestial bronze. This stuff can resist an Olympian."

A mechanical voice boomed over the sounds of whirring and weaving, Live to Olympus in fifty-nine...fifty-eight…

Percy had an ADHD moment. "Why would Hephaestus give them that much time to form an escape plan…?" she muttered.

Then the mirrors slid open, and a swarm of mechanical spiders poured out. Annabeth screamed and fell to her butt, where she proceeded to scurry backwards with terror-filled fervor.

"Great!" Lou said. "She broke!"

"She wouldn't have broken had the both of you been up there!"

"Well, sorry for trying to help you out!"

"I had everything under control!"

The girls were in each other's faces, easily within kissing distance, but that wasn't important.

Thirty-seven... thirty-six...thirty-five…

"Oh, forget this. Get on the boat and grab Annabeth."

"Eww! She peed herself!"

"She's arachnophobic and surrounded by spiders, and you're wearing a diaper. Suck it up and get on before I leave the both of you to become reality TV stars!"

Grumbling, Lou did as she was told. "What are you going to do?"

"Bust some pipes."

Percy focused on the water around here, and she called to it with unrelenting authority. It responded to her will without question. The pipes exploded as a few hundred gallons of water came pouring out of them. The flood drowned the spiders and lifted the boat off the ground. While Lou and Annabeth screamed, Percy held tightly to their hands, a determined look on her face as the she commanded the water to send them hurling down the Tunnel O'Love Ride.

They rounded a corner, the corner of the last stretch, and at the end of the ride was the rest of the boats, all piled up into a heap of impact death. Annabeth was still screaming, her eyes shut tight, no doubt traumatized by the spiders, and Lou was screaming because of the sheer chaos of the situation. They wouldn't be helpful here.

Percy's gut felt like it ruptured when she jerked her head up, commanding the water to surge upward in a ramp. This maneuver took so much out of Percy, that she didn't have any more strength to control the water to where it could make something of a soft landing. All she could do was hold on tightly to the screaming girls in her arms.

With the amount of force that she had when she impacted the concrete ground, she should've splattered, even with her demigod physiology. However, there were times when Vergil and Faris had leapt from the tops of buildings and landed on the ground, in full armor and equipped with a small armory, without dying, due to their bodies being much different than that of normal humans, and that kind of durability was present in Percy as well.

Probably had something to do with her mother's genes….

That, and she was wearing the Nemean Lion's pelt, and had Ares' shield on her back. Still, even with all that durability, Percy's back cracked, and she lost her wind. Never mind the cold pain in her gut, like ice water was pouring out of an internal wound.

Water sloshed over the boats, drenching Lou and Annabeth even more than what they were, and the water did its thing on Percy. Her gasping ended as her diaphragm relaxed, and her spine and ribs were mended instantly. However, the cold in her gut remained, a reminder of the limits of her power. Redirecting so much momentum, altering nature in such a way...it was painful.

With a sharp gasp, the Assassin staggered to her feet, and she hauled the witch and the blonde to theirs as well. She willed all of them dry, draining the water out of all their clothes and underwear. This also had the effect of draining away all of the dirt and grime as well, cleaning them in a way no amount of soap could hope to match.

Annabeth stared at the ground, blushing. "I wet myself…"

"Accidents happen," Percy said bluntly. "You're dry now, so get over it. Come on, Beck's still at the diner."

"Percy, I-"

"You keep quiet. It's about ten right now, so in six and a half hours, I'll start talking to you again. That goes for you too, Annabeth. So both of you: shut up."

"Percy!" Grover cried, Kira running alongside him. "Thank the gods you're alright!"

"The gods...wait a second." Percy saw a cupid, still with its camera trained on her. "Show's over! Good night!"

The cupid shut down and became a statue again.

"Now then: a ride west."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olympus

"That was...something," Athena stated.

"Yeah, your kid peed all over herself," Apollo snarked.

He was met with a withering grey glare. "And how many times have your numerous offspring urinated upon themselves, dear brother? If you do not watch your tongue, your children may find those instances...drastically increasing."

"Hey! Stay away from my kids!"

While Athena and Apollo began to bicker, Hera leaned over to Poseidon, "I thought you had a son."

The sea god was just as confused as she was. "I thought I did too…"

Meanwhile, Artemis did a good job keeping her skin its usual color. That entire event had just been broadcast on Hephaestus TV, and her Hunters frequently tuned in to watch that channel, if only to watch the escapades of some unfortunate boy. Every Hunter before the French Revolution knew the face of Percy Jackson...especially Zoё.

This was going to be an awkward day.

The Olympians present flashed out as the broadcast ended, each to do their own thing. A shame none of their things included continued watching of the quest, for they were now going to be ignorant of the horrors of Ares.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

10:30 was the time of the quest's arrival at the diner, and it was clear that something was wrong with Percy. She kept holding her gut and sucking air in through her teeth, and her gait was off, very off, but any attempts at trying to find out what was wrong were waved away, once at knifepoint.

Ares was leaning on his Harley, cleaning his nails with his knife. Beckendorf was leaning against the nearby handicap pole. He looked displeased, glaring at Ares, but he was otherwise unharmed, at least from this distance. Getting closer revealed nothing out of the ordinary, but when it came to gods, one could never be too sure.

Percy removed the shield from her back, and threw it at the war god, who caught it, spun it in the air like a pizza dough, and caught it in its new form: a bulletproof vest, which he promptly slung over his back.

"Thanks, kid. Now, if you hadn't insulted me earlier, I would've had your ride all ready to go, but I'm going to need a little extra on the side for our deal to be complete."

"What do you want?"

Ares held out his hand, and suddenly Percy couldn't move. Then she was jerked forward and into the grasp of the war god. He pulled her dangerously close, close enough to where she could feel his breath on her face. It smelled of dead bodies and blood.

Ares' eyes glowed behind his sunglasses. "I want many things," he said huskily, haughtily, "endless war, Aphrodite, respect, you...but for now...I'll settle for a kiss."

Percy's lips were roughly violated by the god of war, his slimy tongue raping her mouth, his calloused hands groping her body. Her rear was squeezed tightly, as was her chest, and she was rammed into Ares, who began grinding his groin against her. She could feel his bulge, taste his mouth in her own, see in the reflection of the glass that her allies had been frozen in place, all of them panicked and freaking out, and she still couldn't move.

Ares left her mouth soon enough, not even bothering to wipe away the strands of saliva that trailed from his lips and connected to Percy's. Her face was stuck as it was, otherwise, she surely would have been screaming. The pig was not done, for he then attacked Percy's neck, biting and breaking skin, and then he proceeded to suck.

Ares' collar was grabbed, and he was violently thrown away. The power he held over Percy and the others vanished, and where the Assassin collapsed to her wobbling knees, a hand shooting up to the bleeding spot on her neck, the half-bloods ran to her side, all scared out of their wits.

Ares shot to his feet, furious. "Who dares-!?"

A man in a robe stared at the pagan, and he did. Not. Look.

Happy.

Ares gulped. "Y-You…" then he flashed away, his motorcycle disappearing with him.

"Coward," the robed man scoffed. The he turned his attention to his children.

"Move aside," he said softly, and he was obeyed. "Percy? Percy, look at me."

From on her knees, her hollow, empty, terrified, tear-stricken eyes met his soft ones. She buried her face into the folds on his robes, sobbing.

"Shh, my child, shh." he rubbed small circles around the small of the Assassin's back. Her sobs subsided after a time, and when she pulled back, the demigods and satyr noticed something: her body filled out her clothes better, her face had lost its softness, her hair its silkiness, and then they realized: Lou's spell had been undone.

Percy was a boy again.

The man gently used his thumbs to wipe away the tears on Percy's face, and the Greeks noticed that Ares' bite was gone from his neck.

"You're doing wonderfully, my child, wonderfully. Do not lose hope, and never lose your faith, Percy. Remember that I am always with you."

The quest heard the airbrakes of a semi-truck, and turned to see the appropriate vehicle. On the side, in a script that their dyslexia allowed them to read, it said: KINDNESS INTERNATIONAL: HUMANE ZOO TRANSPORT. WARNING: LIVE WILD ANIMALS.

"That will you take to your next destination."

The quest looked back at the man in the robe, then back at the truck to make sure they were looking at the same one, then back to the robed man. He was gone. In his place was a blue nylon bag. The lock to the back door of the truck undid itself with an audible cling.

Four of them just stood there, trying to comprehend what had just happened. The fifth rose to his feet, and walked to the truck. Before he climbed in, he said, "Well? Are you coming?"

The rest of the quest joined Percy in the back of the zoo transport.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Artemis flashed to her camp, she immediately knew her fear had come true. All eyes were on her, except for one set, for the owner of those eyes was in her tent. Artemis headed there, dreading the coming conversation.

Before she entered her tent, the moon goddess heard Lucy say, "You're in trouble."

At the look her lieutenant gave her when the tent flap closed, Artemis wholeheartedly agreed with the four thousand year old demigoddess.

She was in deep trouble with the daughter of Atlas.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, gender bender spell...yeah, that was just me continuing my running gag, although it will have a much bigger impact when the Titan's Curse arc happens, which involves the Fourth Life arc, which involves the French Revolution. Things will get fun, with potential lemons, guns, and dead people.

Lots of dead people.

And how about Ares, yeah? Little shit's gonna get it here at the end of the quest on that beach; he's gonna get it good, and it's gonna be great.

We also have a budding love triangle between Percy, Lou Ellen, and Annabeth, with Zoё Nightshade being something…important…in a past life. Whatever could she have been? Whatever could have happened during the Fourth Life?

In other news, we're writing essays in English class, and all I can think is 'I am surrounded by idiots.' Uncultured swine, the lot of them. Too worried about fake ID's, parties, alcohol, sex and skipping school.

Fav, Follow, and Review!