Hey, guys, I know it's been a while. Like a while a while, since I've really been active and posting. I know you guys are used to my unorganized posting pattern by now. Especially if you've been with me through many if not all my stories. But this is a little different. I am going to be going on a temporary hiatus.

I've never done this before. At least not officially. I have gone long periods without posting that's true, but this is different. Though I want to assure you that I want to get back to writing as soon as I can. Hopefully it won't be too long a break.

It's just a lot has been happening in my life. I thought 2020 was bad, but 2021 has kicked my butt a whole lot worse. A lot has happened to my family this year. My last living biological grandparent has been really sick this year and in and out of the hospital. And after struggling with staying healthy, not that long ago she tried to commit suicide. And since then I've only been allowed to see her three times as she's trying to recover and this happened a couple of months ago.

I lost a really close friend as well. She hasn't died or anything, but after years of friendship and of basically being inseparable, she decided to let a boy end our relationship. She distanced herself from me a while ago, but after ditching on me for the umpteenth time, I just finally accepted that he was more important to her than me. And I do want her to be happy and if he makes her happy so be it, but it still hurts.

I'm also having to work double the hours at work as it seems to be impossible to keep help these days. And now that I'm in management, the responsibilities and stress just keep piling up. The other manager is in school right now, so most of the work has been given to me. And I'm trying my best to keep everything together. I just I hate letting anyone down. Even my boss who doesn't appreciate any of his workers. It almost makes me physically sick to fall sort of the expectations placed on me.

I'm not as bad as I used to be when I was younger, but failure of any kind makes me just hate myself. I used to struggle really bad with low self-esteem. I still do even though I've gotten better. Though that little monster that likes to remind me that I'm basically trash rears its ugly head when I'm stressed and feeling like I'm disappointing others. And I'm feeling like I'm disappointing all of you by making you wait. I meant to write this all out earlier to update you guys, but I was just afraid of how upset you'd be.

I love writing for you guys. I love that you enjoy my work because it makes me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like I am good at something. And it makes me feel special that others like something I personally worked on and something I'm passionate about like my writing. Which is why I kept trying to work through everything that was going on, but I just couldn't find myself enjoying my writing.

Usually I love it and I can write four to five chapters at once without a problem. But now, it doesn't bring me the same joy as it used to. It doesn't help me with the stress and really I'm just too tired to work on my stories like I want to. I just don't want to keep forcing myself to write because I'm worried I'll stop loving it all together.

So for now, I'm going on hiatus. When I come back, I hope you all will still be here because you all have been wonderful and have supported me for so long. And I'm so grateful for that. And I hope after I take my break, I'll come back ready to write for you all again.

So, until then, I love you guys. Stay safe and I hope you all stay happy and healthy.

-Coco