"Please, for the love of all that's holy and unholy, tell me you're also seeing that this is a problem."
Arthur Watts knew that throwing in his lot with the enemy of life had been a desperate decision. Perhaps even an insane one, but he'd been forced to it! Humiliated and embarrassed by his inferiors, he'd had no choice but to turn to those that could appreciate his talents. Indeed, with what he had seen of Queen Salem's power, the only sane move was to side with her. So if her other followers were… lunatics, to a man, it wasn't a reflection on him, just… a reflection on society!
Still, he had to stand up and acknowledge when their lunacy was simply too much for a man of science to accept as acceptable!
But Hazel, the usual stoic and sensible Hazel, when he wasn't in one of his… moods, merely shook his head. "He seems to do well with-"
"Do well?" Arthur cut him off, "You can't be- there is no 'doing well' when you're a cackling lunatic! This isn't a 'give him a trial run' scenario, this is a 'take the kids to the authorities before he gets them killed!' A basic decency situation!"
Hazel just gave him a long, disinterested look… and then took a sip of coffee.
But Arthur couldn't accept that answer. "This man is… is not an example of mental stability or- or- anything! I don't even know if he can read! Before we even get to the acts of depraved violence!"
Holding up the crude crayon drawing, he pointed to the three figures, the big yellow one with a tail and the two smaller ones in pink and green, illustrated with big smiles on their faces in front of a burning house. The caption read "Me+Ren+Uncul Tiryan" in scribbly black crayon. "He is raising them to be sociopaths! At best. Worst case scenario, I don't even want to imagine!"
"I don't know..." Hazel replied, a thin smile coming to his face, "I actually find it quite… charming. Have you ever seen Tyrian with his rugrats, giving them piggyback rides? He's really quite taken with fatherhood, and I think it's a good influence on-"
Arthur couldn't hold in his response a second longer. "A good influence!" he exploded, "A good- I can't, I can't- A good influence? Him? Tyrian Callows?"
"Yes," Hazel responded, then took up his cup and took another long sip of coffee before taking up his newspaper and opening it to the Sports section. A clear sign that he was finished with this conversation.
Arthur pounded his fist into his palm in undisguised annoyance. How was it, no matter what side of this conflict he was on, he was always surrounded by those who just didn't get it?
Fortunately, Arthur knew that their Queen wasn't so… deluded by sentimentality. She was made of the iron rationality of the Grimm, the simple calculation of eat or be eaten. There was none of this… nonsense in her cold, calculations! And soon, she would bring this to Remnant, and make all the world realize how stupid they had been to ignore the work of Arthur Watts!
...and how great Salem was, of course! They'd also see that, too!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Nora's eyes shot open in the early morning darkness as she realized what day it was! Her favorite holiday of all! The absolute best, most awesome day ever, and best of all… she'd be celebrating it with friends! And Jaune-Jaune! Which made it ten times better than any Fallsgiving she'd ever celebrated before!
With a cheer, she leapt up from her bed and quickly rushed over to Ren's side to shake him awake. "Ren, Ren, Ren!" she cried, "Wake up, wake up, wake up!"
"...more sleep..." he mumbled, evidently unaware of what day it was.
"Ren! It's Fallsgiving! Faaaaaaalllllllllllsssssssgiving!"
Ren mumbled something incoherent, which meant he didn't know it was Fallsgiving!
But, fortunately, her Designated VIJ (Very Important Jaune), Jaune-Jaune, seemed to get it! "Nora?" he asked in his sleepy Jauney voice, "What're you- what? What is... even- what time is it?"
Wha-Wha-Wha-What? Jaune-Jaune didn't know about Fallsgiving? Unacceptable!
Bouncing from Renny's bed over to him, Nora cheered, "It's only the best Sale- Mistralian holiday ever!" Sweet save, nobody caught her slip up there! "It's the celebration of toppling a tyrant king way, way back in history, and it rejects all false authority and calls for justice everywhere!"
"It's named for the legend of one of the four Maidens, the Valean one, actually, the Maiden of Fall," Ren dutifully explained, wiping the sleep from his eyes, "and Fallsgiving is, as Nora said, about her toppling a tyrant. But it's also a day dedicated to the principle of koyaanisqatsi, the concept of a life out of balance when those who seek to control-"
"It's a day where you get presents and play pranks on authority figures!" Nora cheered, "Like, one time, Uncle Tyrian, Ren, and I had an amazing Fallsgiving where we went to this prison in Vacuo and let everyone out! It was so cool, and it was, it was," oh no, Nora could feel the tears coming to her eyes! Damn her sentimentality! "It was the first time I got to use Magnhild be-because Uncle Tyrian- Uncle Tyrian got it for m-me as a Fallsgiving g-gift, ah, ah, ahwaaaaaaah!" she sobbed, "I'm- I'm sorry, I just- I just always get em-hic-motional, when I… waaaaaaaah!"
Ren put a comforting arm around her as she sobbed. "It was when I received Stormflower…" he explained to the rest of the team, "it, uh, didn't, um, involve a prison break, but… it was a really important day for both of us. We were..." Ren's voice hitched, enough to make even non-Noras realize how emotional he was becoming, "We... we used to be orphans, our town was abandoned by the Mistralian government and we… Nora and I were the only survivors. We only had each other until… until Uncle Tyrian found us. He found us on Fallsgiving and… and he always said finding us was the best Fallsgiving gift he would ever receive."
Nora couldn't help but sniffle uncontrollably as she buried her face in her Renny's chest. She could hear that even Pyrrha, super-cool Pyrrha, was crying from the story, and she hated knowing that she was making people cry, especially because she knew that Ren was getting emotional, but it was so hard not to be, not when she just loved her family so much!
But then, Jaune-Jaune put his arms around Nora, and held by the two most important men in her life, Nora couldn't help but feel loved. She was so lucky to have found so many wonderful people here at Beacon, and it was all thanks to the great Queen Salem!
As he released her from her hug, Jaune-Jaune looked her right in the eye and said, "I didn't realize this holiday meant so much to you… but don't worry!" he flashed her a grin that made Nora realize a lot of where Pyrrha was coming from and made her eyes water even harder. Jaune-Jaune was the best! The best! "We're going to make this the best Fallsgiving ever!"
"Um, Jaune?" Ren asked, "It is four in the morning, could we consider taking a-"
"WE HAVE TO START RIGHT NOW!" Nora said, throwing a handful of homemade Fallsgiving confetti into the air, "I've got a plan for the best holiday ever!"
Pyrrha was crying. On the inside, on the outside, waterworks were go.
Seriously, though, how could she not be, after Nora and Ren had spilled their life's story like that? Master Rainert hadn't had… much good to say about Tyrian Callows, but he was a devoted Salemist and had done so much for two orphans, neglected by the abject wickedness of the Kingdoms—he was alright in Pyrrha's books!
Right now, she was with Nora, doing what she could to keep from sniffling as they carefully crossed the campus, heading right to the security mainframe—Nora hadn't been lying, she had a plan, and it was a good one. Pyrrha hadn't ever been much of a prankster, but this plan seemed pretty good, and best of all, it'd give her a chance to spend some girl time with Nora, which, really, was what Fallsgiving was all about.
Fallsgiving had always been one of Pyrrha's favorite holidays. Sure, she enjoyed the Feast of St. Tock more, since it emphasized the more martial side of worshiping Salem, but every Fallsgiving, she would gather with her mom and some of the other Salemists of Mantle, huddled in secret around a dead tree, remembering that their faith was what brought them together and exchanging gifts. When she was little, it meant every Auntie and Uncle telling her how tall she was getting and act impressed when she told them of her latest accomplishment in the junior tournament circuit. But as she grew older, it meant that she would sit with the littler Salemists, all awed to meet a girl they'd seen on TV as she passed out presents and, of course, commented on how tall they were getting. And now… now she spent it with her little community, here at Beacon. Ren and Nora and… Jaune, in his own way.
"So," Nora asked, a little too loudly and jolting Pyrrha right back to their stealth operation, "are you and Jaune-Jaune banging because I really can't-"
"Nora!" she gasped, trying her hardest not to lose her balance as she slipped past a security camera, "You- you can't- you can't just ask me that! We're on a mission!"
Nora shrugged. "Eh, figured we'd have to talk about this eventually. So is he good in bed, because I was thinking anything you did with him would be a religious experience, but that might just be a metaphor thing instead of a, you know… you know."
Pyrrha stared at her friend incredulously. "Do… you know?"
"Nope!"
They stared at each other, Pyrrha trying to get some kind of read on her teammate and coreligionist. As always, she failed. Just two bright blue eyes and a cheery smile that never failed to both lift Pyrrha's spirits and leave her absolutely confused.
Pyrrha sighed, and figured she might as well just move forward from this, both in terms of the conversation and stepping carefully through the laser tripwires to get to the computerized security console. "Jaune and I, we're just friends," she said, "He and Weiss are very happy together and I'm thrilled for him, and- and I'm not supposed to date him! We're to assist him, and help him have a good time at Beacon, and I'm doing that by helping make sure that he and Weiss are having a magical time together as a couple."
"That's not what you want, though," Nora pointed out, effortlessly skewering Pyrrha's defenses with her blunt honesty, "And, you know, our Goddess put you on this task to make sure there were little baby Arcs, and, hey, you've got a smoking bod and you're totally into him-"
"He has a girlfriend!" Pyrrha protested.
To no effect. "-and Jaune-Jaune's not the sort of guy who'd have a problem with spreading the love around, from what I'm hearing from Yang. Oh, wait, no," she corrected herself, "Yang was telling me that she heard that about you and Jaune and Weiss, so… well, still makes sense to me! But, really, Pyrrha," and now Nora's energy level dropped to something much more personal and heartfelt and the already off-balance Pyrrha was wholly unprepared for it, "you need to be honest with yourself and you need to be honest with him. Like… we're celebrating Fallsgiving together. Even if he's Unenlightened, he's part of our community. And we have to be honest with our community."
There was a lot of wisdom to be found with Nora, even if it was the kind of wisdom Pyrrha didn't want to hear. But wasn't that the message of the Maidens? Didn't Salem teach that this was the season of honesty? "Ha, yeah," she said as she punched in the security override code (1-2-3-4, in one of Beacon's… less impressive displays of best practices), "be honest with him… except about our secret religion that's commanding us to guard and serve him on behalf of our Goddess."
Nora gave Pyrrha a playful punch in the arm. "Yeah. Everything but that."
With the security console open, Nora took a small container of lightning dust, just like the kind Master Rainart made use of, and gave it the tiniest shake to give the console a little zap. As the system briefly blurred, it rebooted, setting the security locks to off.
"Alright Ren," Nora said into her earpiece, "you and Jaune-Jaune are cleared to grab the stuff! Show them the true meaning of coyote squatting!"
"And now we wait."
Ren shut and locked the door behind him, then, with a quick flick, put the security camera back into place. With luck, the faculty wouldn't notice that this unused supply closet was now very much in use. At the least, they certainly wouldn't notice in time to stop the doom that now hung over them all.
Sauvignon whistled admiringly. "This was… wow, it's honestly crazy that we just pulled this off."
Ren paused for a second, realizing that their knowledge of Beacon's security setup and obvious ease with bypassing security features might have given away that they weren't exactly… ordinary students. But Sauvignon was a trusting man. Not in a foolish way, as Ren might once have thought, but in a way Ren was starting to see as noble. Perhaps naive, if he was being critical, but Sauvignon's naivety allowed them all to pretend to be ordinary students… which meant the world to Nora and Pyrrha, and had actually become something that Ren appreciated, too.
But that naivety did require a bit of work to maintain. "Well, you know how Nora is," he said with a slight smile, "She might not seem like the most focused of students, but put her to an audacious prank and she'll pull out talents even I didn't realize she had… a little worrying that she knows so much about Beacon's security systems..."
"But that's just Nora," Sauvignon laughed.
If only you knew.
"I mean, I think it's a good prank," Sauvignon said as they headed back to their dorm, "but do you really think stealing all the coffee beans is really all that-"
A terrible, wailing shriek suddenly arose, stopping Sauvignon in his tracks. Then another. Then another. Ah, their first victims had arrived at the teacher's lounge... And then a familiar, headmasterly voice rang out, "NOT THE COFFEE! YOU ACCURSED WITCH! HOW COULD YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!"
Glynda Goodwitch. Bartholomew Oobleck. Harold Mulberry. Thumbelina Peach. Headmaster Ozpin. Some of the most fearsome enemies of the Faith to walk Remnant. Huntsmen of impeccable ability, masters of aura, esoteric weapons, and all forms of combat, they made this mission dangerous to the extreme. But Ren was an assassin trained by the very best, and that meant that the weaknesses of his foes were made as visible and obvious as though they were painted on their faces.
As more and more shouts of dismay echoed through the halls, coming from teachers, from staff, from all directions, Ren noted with satisfaction that they'd struck a crippling blow against Beacon Academy, a true win for Salemism!
But Fallsgiving was about more than just striking a blow against the corrupt institutions of power that reigned over Beacon, it was about community. About the little things that made life worth living. It was why Ren needed Nora. She kept him grounded, made him aware of how beautiful the world could be, how something like stealing the coffee could be more than just an attack on a crucial strategic resource. No, it was time spent with friends, and this time spent with Sauvignon made Ren feel closer to his protectee than ever before.
It was funny, he wasn't the sort of man Ren ever thought he might be close to, but he was used to how it was impossible to tell who you might be close to. Tyrian, for instance, was as unlike Ren as a man could be. Almost as unlike him as Nora was. But the three of them, caught in their desperate circumstances, had formed a family. A found family, bound together by love, compassion, and Salemism, and now, Pyrrha and Sauvin- and Jaune were part of that family. Maybe Pyrrha was a celebrity and Jaune was Unenlightened, but by the grace of their Goddess, they had all been brought together, into something more.
The way Ren saw it, devoting his life to Jaune was how he could finally express the boundlessly deep ocean of gratitude within his heart, to say thank you to the great Goddess who had given them guidance when they were lost and desperate, abandoned by the Mistralian authorities who had no resources, neither Lien nor compassion, to spare for two starving orphans. He'd prayed to Salem every day of his life since, offering her hosannas and worship, but until he was tasked with protecting Jaune, Ren never had a way that felt like he was truly expressing his gratitude.
And seeing Jaune, the Queen's Chosen, marvel at the chaos unfolding as the Beacon faculty discovered that they would be facing this morning sans caffeine, Ren felt like he'd done a good job.
"Well," Jaune said with a nervous laugh, "Happy Fallsgiving."
"You've only seen the beginning," Ren told him, "Rest up as much as you can—Nora has a whole day planned for us, I'm sure."
Ren didn't know what she had in mind, but Ren knew that, whatever it was, it'd be something they'd all do together, as a family. A Happy Fallsgiving, indeed.
Getting a little sentimental in this chapter, but I can't help but enjoy the thought of Tyrian Callows, wildly unfit and deeply devoted dad. Right now, back in Salem's Castle, he's freaking out if Ren and Nora are getting enough to eat or if they're making friends or if they have enough blankets and warm clothes for the Valean winter and he is this close to breaking orders and heading out to Vale to supervise things personally. I also picture him as one of those parents, decked out with Beacon Academy sweaters and drinking from a "Proud Parent of a Beacon Student" mug, and all the other stuff he could get from the school's bookstore. Salem is... allowing it, for the time being.
Also, for reviews of the previous chapter asking about this as a harem story—Weiss is the only girl Jaune's actually in a relationship with. Pyrrha has a worshiping obsession that borders on very creepy, Velvet has a different, more "dancing naked under the moonlight," kind of religious fascination with him, Yang just isn't okay with getting lapped by Weiss of all people in entering a nontraditional, presumably poly, relationship, and Blake has no idea that an immortal witch is already knitting baby blankets for her future children. It's mostly a story of intense blundering and a comedy of errors.
Thanks to Renarde for feedback on this chapter!
Next Up: Intra-Organizational Hostilities.